Wellness Unplugged
Wellness isn't just about counting calories or hitting the gym. It's a holistic journey that encompasses mind, body, and spirit.
Join me on "Wellness Unplugged" as we go off the beaten path and explore the multi-faceted world of well-being.
With a rotating cast of expert hosts, we'll dive deep into the latest research, trends, and philosophies surrounding overall wellness.
From nutrition and fitness to mental health, spirituality, and everything in between, no stone will be left unturned.
Prepare to have your perspectives challenged and your mind opened as we unplug from the conventional narratives and tap into the raw, unfiltered truths about what it really means to live your best life.
Equal parts informative and thought-provoking, "Wellness Unplugged" is your gateway to a more vibrant, fulfilling existence.
Tune in and join the revolution - it's time to redefine wellness on your own terms.
Wellness Unplugged
From Stress to Strength: Wellness Strategies Explored
Unlock the secrets to a truly holistic wellness journey with my special guest, Trey Bruffy, a seasoned coach and advocate for integrated mind, body, and spirit health. Together, we unpack the profound impact of spirituality and mindfulness on healing hormonal and internal health issues. Trey reveals an exciting upcoming event focused on gut health and shares his extensive background in personal training and his work with Integrated Muscle Health. This episode promises to go beyond the usual advice, offering a deeper perspective on how to incorporate these essential elements into your daily wellness routine.
We explore the power of community and the importance of addressing past traumas to achieve holistic well-being. Perfection might be a myth, but support and mutual respect are real and vital. Whether it's through maintaining a gratitude journal, leveraging meditation apps like Paws, Headspace, and Calm, or leaning into faith during tough times, Trey and I provide actionable strategies to help you manage stress and foster resilience. We delve into the mental obstacles many face in their wellness journeys, offering insights on how to reframe negative thoughts and the significance of understanding the deeper "why" behind your personal goals.
Healing is a marathon, not a sprint. Trey and I discuss the importance of taking baby steps, maintaining balance, and building a supportive network for sustainable growth and recovery. From practical tips on stress management to exploring the interconnectedness of mind, body, and spirit, this conversation is packed with wisdom and encouragement. Join us for a candid and heartfelt episode that aims to inspire, support, and guide you on your path to holistic healing. Don't forget to leave a review, share your experiences, and connect with us—our DMs are always open.
Hey y'all, I'm your host, brittany Ramuno. Now, before you get too excited, thinking this is just another podcast about tracking macros and learning which new hot workout will finally make you love yourself, let me stop you there. This podcast exists to rip off the bandaid and go well beyond the superficial eat better, move more advice. Because, honestly, who really has their life together after nailing their macros? No one. That's who, and that's why Wellness Unplugged. I'm here throwing open the curtains of all the gnarly cringeworthy stuff we usually keep behind closed doors. So buckle up and get ready to get real.
Speaker 1:My friends, whether you're tuning in during a workout or hiding in your bedroom calling it a self-renewal break, I'm here with you. Let's unplug from the highlight reels and dive into the glorious, messy scope of adulthood. Welcome to Wellness Unplugged. I'm so glad you're here. I have brought one of the coaches I look up to, trey to talk about something that I think a lot of coaches miss in a healing journey or a hormonal journey, and it's the spirituality side of things. And I know he is the same as I on this topic and he's the one that actually told me for a backstory that I needed to lean into spirituality a little bit more himself. So here is my wonderful friend Trey. How are you darling?
Speaker 2:Good Thanks for the invite. It's been a good one.
Speaker 1:Look, anytime I can get a tangent, I am good for it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1:So, before we dive into the spirituality of things, how about you introduce to everyone in case they don't know who you are, what you do, you know where can they find you and things like that, and when we'll get the ball started?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so my name is Trey Bruffy. I've been coaching since I was 17, so going to be 12 years now. I'm a personal trainer for myself, so B-. And then I work for austin style integrated muscle health. I do more of the lifestyle and functional side, um for the team, help with the group, mentorship and then take on some of the bodybuilders, so that's my main thing. Um. You can find me on instagram, beobs at Training, facebook just my name. And then, if this comes up before then, we are putting on an integrated coaching experience June 1st in Indianapolis, indiana. A lot of really good topics we're going to touch on. We'll have giveaways, goodie bags, stuff like that. So if you're in that area, it'll be worth it. We'll do, I think. Think early bird price until like may. But why am I?
Speaker 1:why am I just not hearing about this?
Speaker 2:uh, we've tried sharing it. I I am a terrible ambassador for the team, like he's been asking me for a bio for since august and he just got it last week because I don't like to talk about myself. So I'm a terrible ambassador for any company because I don't like to post about other things. I would just rather help people. But it'll be a good one. My topic it's the holistic. It's the holistic multifaceted approach to gut health, so some of what we talked today will apply to that as well.
Speaker 1:Fantastic. You'll have to give me more information, because now I need to know Indianapolis, where I am geographically dumb. Is that Maryland, indianapolis? Is there an Indianapolis?
Speaker 2:in Maryland, indiana.
Speaker 1:Indiana. Oh out there in the Sticks and Hicks.
Speaker 2:That's far from Sticks and Hicks compared to where I'm from. I can promise you.
Speaker 1:It's out there in the West, west it'll be a good one.
Speaker 2:I think we're supposed to. It's like a 12-hour event, maybe I can't remember. It's gonna be a really good one. It's definitely worth it. Um, he's done numerous seminars he used to do on his own and they've always been good. But this will be a good first one and then we're going to start making it hopefully turn into like a recurring thing in the future.
Speaker 1:Yeah, send me information and then I'm going to give you crap for not being a great ambassador and telling people about that. All right, so let's start off with I'm curious on your thoughts on how important of a role right when you have a client that comes in and they're hormonally messed up or internally messed up in any way, shape or form. What role does spirituality, and like mindfulness, play into the physical health and fitness journey, if you will?
Speaker 2:So my approach with everyone is following a holistic approach, and when people hear holistic, they're thinking it's spelled with like an H, as an H-O-L-I-S-T-I-C. When I hear that version of holistic, I just think of medical, eastern medicine, herbs, and that's it. I don't think of anything else. My version of holistic is with a W, as in whole, whole body, that's the mind, the body and spirit. Everyone focuses on the body. It's nutrition, supplements, sleep, training, whatever. The mind and the spirit side of things I hardly hear talked about. I hear some of the mind stuff talked about now in terms of like therapy and journaling and meditation, that type of stuff. Some of that follows in the spiritual, but the spiritual side I hardly ever hear talked about, and this isn't like new concepts, like we've seen people talk about this, but you've only heard it talked about individually, as in if someone comes to you, they have X, y, z issue. They're thinking, okay, we got to do these supplements, but at the end of the day, you're just stressed, so we just need to work on the mind and nothing else. Right, and they think that's a problem. My opinion, though, is they're all puzzle pieces and you bring them together. That's what creates your health, and it's not I'd say within the last year uh, probably since 2022 is the approach I've been taking with that and what led me to go down the spiritual and mind part of it was me reflecting on myself.
Speaker 2:I was not as well small background. I was not the most spiritual person. I wasn't raised in the church. I wasn't raised to do anything else. I would actually get in trouble for going to church. And then I got in the church and then I got out and I was always in and out. And then through my early twenties, while I got in the church, and then I got out and I was always in and out. And then through my early twenties, uh, while I was in college, I just life was not ideal. There was a lot of trauma going on in my life from like 17 years old until 25, 26, maybe.
Speaker 2:So throughout those years I just I knew that in my opinion there was a God and believing in God, but I absolutely hated God with a passion and I was the guy middle fingers to the air. You're a useless person. You're selectively hurting people and that's how you get a lot of people that become atheists or some people. I at the time now I know the term term, it's a mesotheist or mesotheism. So atheism is basically they don't believe there's a God. Mesotheism has a hatred for God or gods if they believe there's multiple gods.
Speaker 2:Um, so for me, I knew there was a God, or I felt there was, but I had deep hate for it because I just felt like nothing was ever going my way. I would see some of the worst people in life that would preach God, would treat people very poorly. So that's what got me away from it. And then, when spirituality and Christianity fell into my lap, I just started noticing how different my life was and it was a very off the wall, off chance stuff. Like my wife is a very faithful person and she's been trying to get me into that for years and I refused. And when we had moved into our new house, um, she went to start bible study ass. And I'm like, no, I'm too busy with working.
Speaker 2:I was working multiple jobs at the time yeah and, um, she went to this, was gonna start this bible study with a couple of our neighbors and they needed help putting up a section of the roof. It's called trust and I didn't know what that was. I thought it was like a chest. So, um, I'm not very smart of like things. I'm very naive to life, um, but where I live it's more of like a retirement neighborhood. They mow our grass, they do everything for us, so I'm the guy that has to come pick up everything for all the old people that live here. And so I went to help with that. We about died trying to get it set up because it's windy. And they invited me. They're like, hey, do you want to come join the Bible Society? I was like, no, I'm good, like not interested I. And they said, are you sure? Like anyone's welcome? We don't judge. Like this is a very open, comfortable place and something just kept telling me what the hey? Just give it a shot.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:We talked about it and I went to the first one and it felt like the biggest therapy session I have ever went through in my life. I think we were there for two hours. I cried for two hours straight and I just had this sense of relief and I just kept showing up each week and started praying more and leaning into that, being more open to change. I'm a very closed-off person and not always the easiest person to change habits, and I just started seeing my life turn positive in terms of being able to leave my full-time job and coach full-time. I think. At the time I had like six, eight people and now I'm at over 60 people. That wouldn't have happened on my own. The way things happened was very random, so that's how I got into it. When I saw how big of a role it played in my life, I was like cool. I really think this is something that I'm missing with a lot of these functional cases. They're just people in general. So I started by implementing some of the mind and the spiritual stuff with my in-person clients, then some functional clients and then now all online clients. I try to incorporate that.
Speaker 2:So the importance is this, in my opinion you can keep doing all the body stuff, but if you're not addressing the trauma, the stress, you don't have anyone to lean on. You will not get better. I don't care what anyone says. You can take every supplement on the planet, you will not get better because you do need someone to lean into, and that doesn't have to be. For me it's leaning into God. For someone else it might be something else. I don't care what people lead into. I know what I would prefer for people to lead into.
Speaker 2:But at the same time, if you look at spirituality, notice I'm not saying religion or religious, because religion is a business. I don't care what anyone says. Religion solely is a business. Spirituality and your relationship with your higher power or God or anything like that is a very different thing. Baseline level, all religions or beliefs want the same exact thing. They want happiness, they want success, they want to go somewhere later in life, they want to take care of others, they want to love others. They don't want war, they want peace. We all want the same thing, even though we have different beliefs of what that entails, right? So that's why I think it's important is that you got to have something, and maybe for you we'll get into this, but maybe for you it's just like meditation or something like that.
Speaker 2:But I do think at least everyone needs to start steering into that, because we're so focused on what can we do, how can I be perfect? And the thing is this is none of us are perfect. No matter how hard you try, you're going to fail. You're going to fail as a partner or a coach or a mother. I'm going to fail as a husband or a cat dad or a coach or a friend. I'm always going to fail. I'm going to fail every day as a Christian, because with my beliefs I wasn't meant to be perfect. There's a reason why Christianity has their beliefs and that Jesus died for their sins. So, like that's, the first thought to get out of your head is we're not going to be perfect, so you're going to have to have a community and people to lean into to help you heal. Healing is not an individual, selfish journey. Healing is very it's a multifaceted, broad spectrum. It's not like you just do this and you're better. So that's a little bit of like a ramp in a few different ways.
Speaker 1:No, I mean, I think you hit it right on the head, right Beyond religious as a business, and you're not saying you need to go to church and you need to do ABC one, two, three it's. You need to have a healthy relationship with someone higher than you, no matter what it is, I don't care if it's Buddha.
Speaker 2:If you take the like, if you take church and you take like disclaimer, a lot of this is the lean more towards Christianity Cause that's my belief. But again, I coach multiple people that are Muslim, hindu and I am so interested in hearing everybody's thoughts when they do this because I have so much respect.
Speaker 1:I just have questions. I want to learn about it.
Speaker 2:I train Muslims and Indians in person and they have obviously very different religions or beliefs and I'm always asking questions because I genuinely am curious, but they're the same way and we have a mutual respect because, again, at base level, we all want the same thing and so the people that are bashing on the Catholics or anything else, or bashing on Hinduism or Buddhism, you're not living. If you are a Christian, you're not living in God's image and you're not treating people how you want, because God is not saying you should be hating everyone. They say you should be loving everyone. That doesn't mean you have to agree with them, but you should still be putting love towards them. And if you look at the Christianity faith, my opinion is a lot of people view everything as a checklist.
Speaker 2:If I go to church, check. If I treat people well, check. This is the thing and the way I explain it. Being spiritual and having a relationship with your higher power isn't a matter of you're checking off things and going to church. Going to church doing one thing an hour to two hours a week is not doing anything. What about the other 22 to 24 hours a day? What are you doing? What about the other 22 to 24 hours a day? What are you doing If you are being a piece of shit and treating people poorly and sinning and you're not improving? You're not?
Speaker 1:doing anything. Those two hours aren't going to save you.
Speaker 2:That cancels it out and it doesn't work that you're just saved and you're automatically better. You're saved, but then you've got to be building a relationship with your higher power and be working to live in that higher powers image. For me it's God. So it's the same thing if you're a trainer or coach and we have a client Just by you getting that workout in is not going to lead to success. It's the other 23 hours a day that you're doing. It's the other work you're putting in the rest of the week and the rest of the day. And that's how, when we see spirituality, we're viewing it as a checklist, and none of this is a checklist. It's doing everything. And that's why I don't think you can just do spirituality or you can just do mind or just body. You've got to do all of it. One might take more time than the other. So for me, we're usually pulling back on body in terms of training and we're usually putting more towards nutrition and supplements.
Speaker 2:But for some, let's say they are a very spiritual person and they do pray or whatever part of spirituality they have. Let's say they do a good job of that, but they are failing to address their trauma. Maybe they need EDMR therapy. Maybe they need talk therapy, maybe they need to go to like a men's group or a women's group or something like that, and maybe that's the prime focus we have, because we have the other things in the background going. But maybe for them it's like, listen, no matter what I do, until you address what happened when you were a 13-year-old boy or girl or 16-year-old or anything like that, you're not going to get better.
Speaker 2:Because we know for a fact that trauma and the stress that we relive with PTSD is constantly causing issues, impacts the HPA access, which messes with everything else. So unless you deal with that, you're still going to have issues. So that's why the mind and the spirit is so important and why we see so many people that do these ridiculous protocols that get better, but then three months later, hey, I messed up again. Why we see so many people that do these ridiculous protocols that get better, but then that three months later, hey, I messed up again. Or we got them physically better in terms of like not having like gi issues or being inflamed or anything, but then we still see hormonally they're not better because you're not addressing the root cause. We band-aided the solution to get you temporarily better in terms of symptomatic and symptoms, but we haven't addressed the root thing, which that's going to require some mind and some spirit work, and you've got to understand that you need an army. You can't do it yourself. That's just how it works.
Speaker 1:God, I feel like this was our conversation a couple months ago all over again, because, as someone who has gone through trauma, it's like you said, until you resolve what happened to you as a 13-year-old boy or girl, the body keeps score. It's my favorite book in the entire planet and it taught me so damn much about life itself. Right, Until you resolve it, you can't put it in Pandora's box, lock it up and think it's never going to open again. It's going to open internally and that's how we're seeing disease. It's not just a macros and under eating and overtraining, it's.
Speaker 1:Hey, I went through some shit when I was a teenager. I bottled up all of my feelings, which turned into under eating, which progressed to. I'm over training to stimulate my mind and run from my feelings and hello, here's disease. That makes me feel so good and I can say this because this was me. This was absolutely me. I mean we've, we've gone back and forth about everything I've been through. There's no hiding it.
Speaker 1:And for someone who you know, I used to be 225 pounds because I didn't under eat, I overate, like, let's be real, I love food, food is my friend. But I lost the weight. I went from 225 to 125 and I still hated myself, I still was a spiral in. Oh my God, I can't stop working out because then I have to sit and think and use my brain. And then what am I going to do? Try and run from my feelings some more. It's a constant run, run, run, and I think it takes a stronger person to say you need to slow down and you need to sit with your thoughts and figure your shit out.
Speaker 2:You've got to sit and be uncomfortable. I see a lot of people that are just bouncing protocol to protocol and they're like, okay, why am I not better in 12 weeks? It's like, okay, you've had the issue for 20 years, why would I get you better in less than a year or in 12 weeks? At times you just have to sit and be uncomfortable and let the body actually heal. Um which, this is a good time that you could work on the mind, the spirit side of things, because you can't do a lot of things that you want to do and even on the spiritual side, it's not like you say one prayer and you're better, or you go to one counseling session and you're better.
Speaker 2:It's repeated how many times can I? If you think of each day as a perfect brick and you're a bricklayer, and each day your goal is to build the most perfect, sturdy, sturdy house, how many days can you line that up and keep doing the right things, day after day after day and show up for yourself in all aspects? That's what healing is. It's not the protocol, it's not the one. I'm gonna do counseling once a week. Again, you can do counseling once a week, but if you're not doing the inner child work on your own, which sucks, because that's what I'm going through and I hate doing it.
Speaker 2:It's so uncomfortable. I look at a picture of me when I was 13 and so uncomfortable. But if you don't do that stuff, you will not get better. It's not the one time a week thing, or two times a week, it's a daily battle. When you get up each day, what am I going to accomplish? Cool, I need to work on these two things. These are going to be my priority. And you keep showing up as if you were a parent. You always show up for your children. Now the difference is you're showing up for yourself as if you're the parent, because every issue starts with as a child. I don't at this point, from as many people as I've worked with, there's always child trauma and now your job is to be a parent of that child that that child did not get growing up yep and that's how you're.
Speaker 2:You gotta treat it. You gotta treat it as you are taking care of an infant that cannot do anything at all. It's your responsibility to take care of it. That is how you heal.
Speaker 1:And I think a lot of people hear it and they're automatically uncomfortable. And no one wants to be uncomfortable, no one wants to be. You know, feel like they're not safe in any way, shape or form. And when you have to heal trauma, I don't care if it's from when you were 10, 15, 25, 52, I don't care, it's uncomfortable, it's scary 15, 25, 52. I don't care, it's uncomfortable, it's scary. You're going to cry, you're going to show emotion, you are going to have breakdowns mentally, physically, emotionally, all of the above.
Speaker 1:But to be able to go through it and open the box, you know, cleaning out your closet, like Eminem says, if you clean out your closet, let me tell you, the weight that is lifted off your shoulders is literally life changing in itself. Right, and there's no pill there's. You cannot run it. So no pill will save you, no amount of food will save you, no training protocol will save you. It's, it's your mind. And if you don't get your mind right, nothing else. I always like to say to my clients the body follows the mind and if your mind is in a shit space, your body's never gonna, never gonna go in a different direction. I could preach all day. I'll preach, I'll preach. I will preach this all day only because, one I've had to go through it and two, working with so many people, every client that comes through my door literally has some type of trauma. And as soon as I say I want you to start saying three things you're grateful for, all hell breaks loose.
Speaker 2:Or find a hobby. I don't have hobbies, right.
Speaker 1:Literally. Or I want you to meditate for two minutes, like two, just two minutes, and I get that. I can't, I don't want to. Why do I have to do this? This is stupid. Uh, I get every excuse in the book and I'm like this is more reason why you have to do it. Like, if you're gonna line up the excuses, line up the reasons why you need to do it even more, yep. So here would be. Here would be my other question for you what are your go-tos with with your functional cases as far as stress and trauma and making sure, beyond saying lean into spirituality, right. What other tools in the toolbox are you pulling out for them?
Speaker 2:So I always start with like basics. So the first thing is like, honestly, don't rush to like meditation for some people, um, cause even I hate meditation. Um, it's just I'm usually thinking about a million other things so it's hard for me to do it. I can do it at counseling, but not on my own. Um, I usually will say let's do like a gratitude journal, but it'll be like I want you to write three things you're thankful for. Literally could be anything, but it better not be the same three things every day.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:Because I can say every day I'm thankful for my wife, I'm thankful for the business, I'm thankful for my cats every day because I am very thankful. But I want you to find something new every day. And then the other thing is I want you to write one thing you're accomplished that day, that's good for you, and it can't and it can't, be the same thing either. I don't want it to be fitness. You're not going to say, oh, I'm gonna go for a walk today, maybe if you're morbidly obese and you don't do anything, that'd be a good one. Yeah, but some of these people already exercise your thing to do my supplements or I'm going to eat better.
Speaker 1:That is not.
Speaker 2:And then the other thing that I put on everyone's plans is you need to do at least one thing a day that's for you and taking care of yourself, making you a priority. So how do you show up for yourself? And I put that in everyone's check-in. So, like they put, like, what are the non-scale victories? How did you show up for yourself this week? And if I see no on all their stuff or they didn't do it, then we're having conversations and I actually get them in a very uncomfortable spot until they find something and make them think about it. So that's, that's one thing I'll do with with like that type of stuff. And then when we get into meditation, I there's two different routes I go and I always give them both options for it. I don't say you need to do a 10-minute one or a 30-minute one or it needs to be every day or anything. It literally could be 60 seconds. Just take a second and you literally just be breathing and just calm down. But I usually give them two different options. One is more faith-based app, so it's called the Paws app, and so it is more Christianity based, and so I give everyone that because it actually does work well and even I was looking into it before I was in anything and as I look to download it myself now, thank you so they have a plan on there called 30 days to resilience okay
Speaker 2:there's a morning one and an evening one. You can't go to day two until you've done both of them. So it's like a check mark. It makes you set done both of them. So it's almost like a check mark. It makes you set aside time to do it Again. It's very faith-based. That's one I'll tell them like hey, this is one that I use. I got it from my therapist. She tried pushing me onto it for a while and I just kept saying I didn't have the time, but my wife started using it. I didn't have the time, but my wife started using it. So how much it helped her. So I started doing it and so I recommend that one to clients a lot of times, especially the ones that I do know are faith-based or that at least are open, because I have very real conversations. Do you believe in this? Like, what are your beliefs? And I've heard everything from I am god, I have multiple gods. I don't believe in god. I don't believe in anything.
Speaker 2:I don't know, or maybe I was out, maybe I was a mormon and I'm out of that stuff now. So I've heard every single thing and if they're open to it, I send that one. But in that same message I would say headspace and the calm app is another good one. Those are probably the two top ones and you've just got to find what works for you. Um, it doesn't have to be long. So, like that's the next thing. And then, if we're talking about like someone very stressed and like how can they show up for themselves?
Speaker 2:There's two different things that I've been doing, especially recently. One is stress you cannot avoid, and negative thoughts you cannot avoid, you just can't. But what we can do is we can improve how we perceive things and we can work on reframing thoughts. So I'll give you three different, actually three different things I've been doing with people. So one is if it's a very stressed event or something like that, I tell all of my people just take a step back, say, okay, what is stressing me out? Actually, think about it. It could be anything cool. You've identified what's stressing you. Now is this controllable or uncontrollable? If it's controllable in this moment in time, what can you do to help improve this?
Speaker 1:right cool.
Speaker 2:And then after that, if it's controlled, when you've done what you can do, you think you've given the max effort of what you're able to do in that situation yes, cool, was it successful? No, did you fail? No, you didn't. You just tried a method that did not work. You were successful in seeing that that option of what you did did not work and didn't give us the success we wanted, or the result we wanted Doesn't mean you're a failure, so I'm very big on trying to take the word failure.
Speaker 1:And I failure. So I'm very big on trying to take the word failure and I I think that's huge because I think so many people get wrapped up in I failed, but what they failed, what they fail to see is failure is a result of trying right so that's, that's one way.
Speaker 2:So it's control. What's that? If it's uncontrollable, right, and this is what I tell people is like okay, if this is uncontrollable, why am I stressed out about it? And what is the worst thing that could happen? Because, no offense, every individual that is paying a coach I don't want to hear anything about finances or life or anything a hundred and I'm not gonna say 99 a% of people.
Speaker 2:If you can afford a coach, especially when most of them I mean, I've seen insane prices. I'm $250 to $450 a month. It depends on what someone's wanting. Let's say, the lowest tier, where you only email me only and you check in biweekly. It's $250 a month. Great, if you can afford that, you are still in the top percentage of someone that's not going to starve to death. You have a roof over your head, you're not going through cancer, you're not going through this and that because you have the money to do that.
Speaker 2:So what is the worst thing that happens? Worst thing that happens is you lose your job. Great, there's hundreds of thousands of jobs and your response is well, I don't want to do that job. Well, guess what You've got to do, what it takes to get through life. And there are people in way worse situations than you in your life. All of our lives are important, but no one's is more important than anyone else's, but the stuff that a lot of people are going through, really that is uncontrollable. You're sweating about stuff that you cannot do anything about. There's absolutely nothing you do, and all I do is try to get them to understand like you're actually hurting yourself, like you're bullying yourself, you're mistreating yourself, you're abusing yourself. If this was your kid or your animal or your partner or your best friend, would you want them to abuse themselves the same way? If the answer is no, then why are you doing it yourself? What makes you so entitled and better that you're able to beat the shit out of yourself and mistreat yourself? You're not. So that's one perspective I take. The other perspective is I really try to challenge my clients to reframe their thoughts. So when they come at me with a negative thought, I'm like okay, let's reframe this. How can you turn this into a positive? And let's say, I'll use a really good example.
Speaker 2:And during the time, I really was not a hated guy. It was probably one of the hardest parts of my life. So you got in a car accident. I had to be resuscitated at the scene. I almost had to file bankruptcy and my life was in shambles, became a drug addict, and this is where a lot of my struggling happened in my early 20s. I can look back today and say was that a really hard time? Yes, yeah, did I quote, unquote, they said, died in a recess state? Yes, did I have all these struggles to go through? Yes, but what's the one positive and blessing there? I am still here, I am successful now in my version of success.
Speaker 2:It could have been so much worse. I could have been like some people that have lost their lives. I could be paralyzed from the neck down. I could be homeless. There's so many ways that it could be worse. So that's another thing I do.
Speaker 2:The last thing in terms of the mind type of things I'll have people do is if I have a lot of people that they just completely shut down when things happen, I really push for them to do something sensory, and so I think they call it the 3-3-3 method, but I just use my inversion and so if you're in like a mental breakdown, you're having the urge to eat and do dumb things or talk bad to yourself and bully yourself, cool, we're going to yourself and bully yourself, cool, we're going to start working on all your senses. I want you to sit, take a few breaths, look around the room. What are three to five things that you can actually say to yourself? I don't want you to just say it just to yourself. I actually want you to say cool, like if I look around my room, awesome, I see picture of my wife, I see ring light, I see blinds, I see cat, bunny squeeze toys. So I can work on stress though. Okay, I've done sight, now let's do smell. Okay, I can smell. I can't smell shit right now, but if you had smell, you could do it and touch. Okay, I can touch my jacket, I can touch my phone, my keyboard, um, and then here I can hear britney's voice, I can hear my phone, my keyboard, and then here I can hear Brittany's voice, I can hear my computer, I can hear the lawnmowers outside.
Speaker 2:So what all we're trying to do is get all your senses going to get you to calm down and get you out of that fight or flight mode. That's a very simple thing to do. So that's like what I do on the mind side of things and with the spiritual side. You really have to be specific with the person and see what it is. If someone is like a Christian, or they have faith or believe in a higher power I'll use more Christian based, because that's what I get more than anything is I just tell them you've got to lean into God and you've got to pray and you've got to do the things you need to do. But you also need to understand this and this is something I'm working on a video to talk about is when life gets hard or all these struggles you're dealing with.
Speaker 2:We need to take a step back and realize there's two ways to be wounded in life. The first way is in war, where you're risking your life, can potentially die. The other way is you could be wounded on the surgery table. You're still getting hurt, you're still getting wounded, but the difference here is that wound is meant to heal you, make you better, and that's the same way your higher power shows up for you there. The higher power is not there to wound you, to kill you, right, he's there to heal you, which means you're going to be given some hard shit in life you don't want to do. You're going to be given some stuff that's going to make no sense. You're going to see loved ones die. You're going to have your partners go through stuff. You're going to go through some really hard shit, but it's there to help you. That's the whole point. And with spirituality it's not all positive. There's some dark stuff. You've got to dig into spirituality it's not all positive.
Speaker 1:There's some dark stuff you got to dig into, and I think that's a misconception too, because everyone assumes oh, I'm going to church, I'm praying, I'm this positive, positive, positive, nothing, nothing wrong is going to happen, and if something wrong happens, oh, he hates me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it doesn't. That is the person I was. It's heavily that way and that's why I had those beliefs Is you can't approach it like that. You can't have this. Woe is me. Life. You can't go through a protocol. Be like this sucks. I have to stop taking everything as a punishment. You have a choice to do this or not do this, and you have to stop thinking that you are more important, that you are entitled to this, because we're not entitled to shit in life. We're all entitled to just live and get to make our own decisions.
Speaker 2:And if it's the spiritual side of things, cool, you can go to church and keep doing everything. That does not mean you're going to see immediate things, but you can take a step back and look at that and be like, okay, I prayed for this, but I'm not better. And if you're praying, it's not a magic genie, it's not ask for this. If you want to be rich, oh, make me rich and give me a Corvette. That does not how it works. It could be something as simple. As I'm going through a hard time right now. Can you please give me some strength to get through this? Bring calmness. Can you fill me with your spirit? That would be on the christian side of things.
Speaker 2:Other religions do different things, but that's an example and it can help you get through the day. The negative is you could be very busy still. The positive is you made it one more day. You made it one more day that other individuals don't get. But the same token is if you are someone that leads more spiritual life, even if a bad thing happens, there are greater things. If you do believe in the afterlife, there are greater things that are going to come. If you truly do believe in that, and I think if we all took a more positive thought process of life and you reframe your negatives and you work on your trauma and you understand that all of that trauma that you've went through it sucks, and it sucks anytime. I hear people's story. But that was there for a reason and it was to get you who you were now. You're a stronger person now, but now it's time to start facing that trauma and address it, because you're a more mature, grown individual and you take time to do that. That's just like a bunch of like random places.
Speaker 2:Notice I didn't say go to church. That is a place you can do that, but at the same time. If you're just going there to hear a service, are you actually growing? Are you building a community there? Are you getting other individuals to touch you and pray for you and lean on you, and I'll give you a place to lean on them? No, so what I tell most people is, if they're open to spirituality or religion or whatever belief, I tell them to actually find a group to join.
Speaker 2:For me it was a Bible study. For me, it's going to a men's group. It's doing that type of thing. For women, it might be going to a women's group. Maybe you're someone that went through sexual assault or something like that. Then maybe you need to find people that are like individuals With me. Being a drug addict in the past, I probably do very well with other addicts. I tend to do well in those scenarios. So you need to find that and you need to find that community and understand that if you're not going to do anything on your own, you need an army, and that army is bringing on for some higher powers, friends, family, um other people have been through the same stuff, yeah I tell my story to everyone when I get a chance, because it is a very important thing to me and it's not to convince them.
Speaker 2:It's just that's my way of giving my testimony of how things have improved in my life. But, the same token, I can take a step back and look, like at things right now. I'm like, wow, things are really hard financially now. Life is really hard right now and there's been a lot of changes in our life recently. But, the same token, it could be worse. So that's, that's a few like million different ways.
Speaker 1:I just a lot of people get stuck in the negative and everything is negative and it takes one thought to change a negative to a positive. And it's just like for my clients if I see them have a very negative check-in, I have them redo it 100%. You are redoing your check-in. I don't care if it's more time on your end, if it's more time on my end, but I think that's one thing that anyone, as a coach, you know listening to. If you see someone going through some shit and say, you know, beat themselves up in a check-in, have them redo it and tell them they have to put a positive spin on it and it makes them rethink everything and then you change the course of their day just by redoing a simple check-in that takes 10, what? 10,? 15 minutes.
Speaker 2:Yep, yep, 100%.
Speaker 1:It's definitely there's a lot of mean, I'm gonna steal this 333 method from you because I didn't even think of that. Um, see, learning, learning always from you, that's for damn sure, um, but I I do think there is a, a journey that everyone literally I have not met somebody that doesn't have some shit that has happened to them or seen it. You either see it, experience it or know someone that was affected by it and affects you. So there's there's multiple avenues of trauma everyone, every single person.
Speaker 2:You could be the happiest person in the world. There's something that you've had. Oh, there's something there. You will find something. It doesn't matter. And if you actually met with someone and open pandora box and dig deeper, you're gonna find something.
Speaker 2:We all have something and I don't care how. All the mind site coaches and stuff like that and the spiritual coaches like listen, all of y'all have something and have a trauma. This is why I think everyone verbatim I wish insurance would cover it for everyone Everyone should have a counselor or therapist, even if you're in a winning season, because there's always something you could need help with. There's always some sort of baggage that you're not addressing. So you'll always find someone that's went through some shit or they're still going through some shit, and some have just really good poker faces and don't want to tell you about it. But all of us have went through something and I think until a lot of people address that and then address the spiritual side, you will not get better. You will start get better, but there's only so long that you just doing the body things is going to help you. But let's say, if you are someone that works out, someone that does your nutrition and you've done this your whole life. What? Why are you doing it? Oh, I want to compete, I okay. Well, why? Well, you can't tell me why can't you? Because you don't want to think about.
Speaker 2:There is a reason why. Maybe someone said you're ugly. Maybe someone said you're ugly. Maybe someone said you're fat. Maybe your parents deprived you of food, or maybe you're bullied. Maybe you're beat up. No one that's in the fitness came out of the womb saying I'm going to lift weights and I'm going to compete or I'm going to be a bodybuilder or whatever sport. No one came out of the womb doing that. There's always some sort of thing that they want. It doesn't always mean negative. Maybe maybe for some they like I watched pro wrestling, maybe I watched pro wrestling and saw a guy. I was like, wow, it'd be cool to look like that. I'd be like a superman, superhero and say, okay, that's a positive, they just want to be a superhero. But why? Why? What is wrong with you now, in this moment? What? Why would your life all of a sudden get better if you've got all these muscles and lean? Why, in the moment, can you love yourself?
Speaker 1:220 pounds, I promise you like I will put my hand on the Bible and die on this hill. You will pick yourself apart at 120 pounds because you didn't address it. Your mindset does not care about a scale weight at all and it's coming from me, because I've been 220, I've been 120. Now I'm 140 and my mindset is rock solid, like absolutely rock solid, because I've had to do the hard work that no one wants to do or talk about, and that's why, anytime somebody asks me you know why do you do what I do? I can tell you exactly why. I'm a coach and it's because of the pain that I suffered from from doctors. Right, that's my, that's my why. Why do I want to compete Well? Well, this probably isn't the greatest why, but it is my why. But I want to prove to my kids when I say something, I'm going to do it. And I tried, you know, years ago, and it was taken from me because my body stopped. Now I'm in a better spot and my body can come back from it. So I've reignited it and that's my why.
Speaker 1:Probably not the greatest why, and you know it could be like most people. Oh, I was bullied in school or I was told I was fat and ugly and this, that and the third, because that is very frequently. I hear that more than anything. But you have to know your why and and if you don't know a why and you can't understand why you want to look a specific way or lose a specific amount of weight or build whatever, you're going to get lost in translation and you're going to fail All day. Look, I'm here for all day. I've had to learn so much in the last three years. Let me tell you it has sucked. It is absolutely sucked. I've had to learn so much in the last three years. Let me tell you it is sucked. It is absolutely sucked. I've done all the journaling, I've done all the therapy, I've done it all and it fricking sucks.
Speaker 2:And with this, like it's just important for everyone to know, like you don't need to do all of it. You're not, cause you can stress yourself out about trying to do all that you got out, about trying to do all that you got to find what works for you. Um, you can do whatever parasympathetic um activity or sleep routine or anything, but it's so complicated you're stressing yourself out. That's not any better. So you really gotta find what it is and start slow, and for some it's it's. It really is different for the person, but those are some of the things at least give my clients that seem to help them. Um, and for some maybe they just need a break from everything and maybe that's me stripping them down to basics and making them be accountable for themselves.
Speaker 1:That was a really so that was when. That was when I was going through. My hardest time was when I reached out to you because you hit the nail on the head, when you go into a functional lifestyle like you have to go through all these protocols and go all the blood work and get all this test done and be so cognizant of all your symptoms that you can stress yourself out by paying attention to all those symptoms and you're only going to make shit worse because then you become hyper focused on oh my god, where's my period? Do I cramp? Am I cramping? Oh my god, I'm cramping now. Like the mind will play tricks on you if you just gotta heal it you can be hyper focused on your trauma as well.
Speaker 2:So there's some that like they might not need to always talk about their trauma. Maybe they need to talk about it and kind of leave theirs in their box, like when I do my stuff with my counselor, I leave it there. Yeah, I come back the next week, because I go one to three times a week and when I go I unpack it, take it out of my and I'm mentally saying I got a box there. I don't actually have a fucking box there, like I'm mentally unpacking Right, because if you just live every day and be like, oh wow, I was raped or I was abused or I uh, maybe I wasn't loved enough or anything like that, if you constantly live each day and you're constantly thinking about that, that is stress too and that is trauma. You're living through that trauma. It's a painful process. So for some it is a matter of hey, maybe it would be like if you're a beginner with working out, you're not expected to work out. It would be like if you're a beginner with working out, you're not expected to work out every day.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Just like you're not expected to be spiritual every day or be mindful every day. Maybe for some it's just like hey, I'm going to start off by doing a gratitude journal. I'm not going to do any heavy unpacking. I actually tell none of my clients to do the heavy unpacking journaling at all. I would rather that be with a professional that they deal with that, not themselves, because none of us mentally including myself or you or any of us- are mentally prepared to handle it.
Speaker 2:I try and it's and it's hard. But I tell everybody to go with their professional. That might be where they start is there. And the next step might be like, okay, cool, maybe I will do um, maybe I'll try some worship music and maybe they try that, or maybe they'll do some sort of meditation. Or maybe for them it's like, hey, I'm gonna trial out a therapist, I'm gonna go once a month at first, see how it goes. Oh, it feels good, go again, go again. And some might not need it, like once a week, that's for some that's extreme. Maybe they only need once a month. But you got to start slow with it. And again, this is trying to take away that all or none mentality and diving headfirst. Oh, I want to be so healed, I want to be better.
Speaker 2:Healing is a long time. It's not if you've had an issue for 20 years. It's not going to be a year, it's not going to be two years. It's going to be a very long time of showing up for yourself and so, to prevent burnout, you're probably going to want to ease into that stuff. You might not want to go, but cool, I have this trauma, got a counselor, I'm going to go three times a week. We go to church, then we go to church, then I'm going to go to a Bible study, then I'm going to pray every day, then I'm going to listen to music, then I'm going to journal, then I'm going to meditate.
Speaker 2:Just thinking about making the time for all that, you're going to stress yourself out and you're not fixing the problem. It's the same thing if we were to give a bunch of supplements to someone. If it stresses them out financially, you're not getting better. If it stresses them out having to keep up with all that stuff, you're not getting better. So there's some give and take here. It's just like with the body. You wouldn't go all out and do everything at once. You're with the mind and the spirit. You're not going to do that either, but you're also going to have to be able to pull back in some areas, because you can't do all three at one.
Speaker 2:Maybe for some it's we're pulled back on the body and we go very basic, not weigh anything. Take a small handful of supplements, train maybe two to three times a week, or maybe for a lot of mine, I don't let them train, like a lot of the competitors. I make them take six months of training off and they just walk outside and that's it, and maybe that's what they do and they're pulling back on their body. Maybe, for maybe that's what they do and they're pulling back on their body, maybe for maybe the mind they need to work on therapy. And then maybe for spiritual. Maybe they're kind of including some of that in their counseling where it's maybe it's meditation there and maybe that's where they start and then, once they've addressed some of it, they've done some emdr and they've done that great, maybe you can lean into other aspects. So you never want to go in and be extreme. That's that's. The other caveat here is don't go in and be an extreme thinking.
Speaker 1:Cool, I've got all this picked out All my type a people listening.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Cause I'm going to do a 12 week church series. I'm all of a sudden going to be healed, just like a 12 week gut protocol. Just look at the 12-week gut protocol I'm going to be healed.
Speaker 1:It doesn't work that way. Yeah, no, not at all. And I think that's another issue is as soon as people think, okay, well, I'm being told I need to lean, okay, well, it's all or nothing. And how do I fit it into everything else? And then it's a freaking cycle, right, and you're not helping anything, you're making it worse.
Speaker 1:So it's baby steps, like nutrition, baby steps, fitness, baby steps, spirit mind baby, like everything needs to be done in a in a baby step to be sustainable, to see the long-term growth and healing. Why we're all nothing. I'm guilty of it all the time. I'm still working, working on it, but we're here, we're doing it, but, yeah, I, I, I. I think a lot of people need to talk about their shit and stop living behind this white picket fence, red door with the little tire swing that every woman probably fantasizes about, and I think people need to stop saying what happens behind closed doors stays behind closed doors and start talking about it, because I'm willing to bet, the more people talk about it, the more you'll realize that other people that you're actually connecting with have the same issue.
Speaker 1:That's why the group thing, community thing, necessary thing, so when I was a kid, I went through sexual abuse and rape and I worked with SOAR, so it is a group of people that have gone through the same shit and I think group therapy or group just find a group of people it doesn't need to be anything specific Just find a group of people that have probably been through similar things worse, better, indifferent, it doesn't matter and grow with each other, push each other and talk about things that are uncomfortable, I don't care what they are.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and you just got to find someone that you can do that with and for some maybe I tell most people not to do it with their family.
Speaker 1:um, I think it's the worst idea that yes, for some it.
Speaker 2:Maybe it's their partner, um, and maybe before that you need to have a conversation about that. But even then your partner might not be capable to take on that type of trauma. That it's always best you find like-minded people. Like man it's great to do a men's group. Women it's great to do a women's group. But that doesn't mean you just go do shit together. It means like you're actually working and doing things like sure you can do things together at the same time. But there needs to be a period there where you're actually talking and make it feel like you have support. And for others I mean there's tons of groups out there. I'm sure you can find.
Speaker 1:Hell. There's a ton of Facebook groups. Y'all can find somebody.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you can find like-minded people.
Speaker 1:It doesn't even need to be in person either. I think that's the beauty of social media, that's the positive of it, um, is you can find people across the world and the country that have been through the same things as you and they're a text away or a face time away and it you can still do that and not be in person. So I don't I just didn't want people to think, oh my god, I need to find people in person, like local to me, because you're probably not going to, probably not, um, and if you do, you're lucky. But there's, there is social use, social media for what it's there for, right, not not the, the fraudulent crap that I can go on for other days, like there are benefits to it, and that's one of them right, there you go are benefits to it, and that's one of them.
Speaker 1:Right, bingo, I appreciate you. I've had it. It's always a blast picking I.
Speaker 1:I love your, your little bunny, over there my mother-in-law got it for me oh well, well, guys, if you have been listening, if you could take anything from Trey and I, it would be one address the trauma, address the spirituality, whatever it is. It doesn't mean we're saying for guidance, to heal, to look for strength, to find the weaknesses and make them better, to even divulge your deepest, darkest secrets into them. Right, find somebody, a person, higher power, find it, whether it's therapy, whether it's not therapy, edmmr, I don't care, do you care?
Speaker 2:You just got to trial everything and for some of them, you might have to keep trying. I do EDMR and I started in 2017. I didn't start seeing any of the benefits until last year. It just depends. It's repeated effort. You just got to keep being open. You got to go into this open. You got to do that stuff. You got to start showing yourself self-care and love. You've got to stop beating yourself up. Cool, you're not doing great today, but that doesn't mean a year from how you're going to heal, that's how you're going to get where you want to be in life or anything like that. The biggest takeaway is it's not going to happen overnight and how many times can you keep showing for yourself? And that's for any goal, no matter what it is. It's not an overnight thing. And um and for everyone. You just got to find what. What fits you. Everyone is very different and I have periods where I switch what I do and it just depends. For me it might be counseling more than I would normally do, and then for other times, it might be like joining this men's group to connect with other people. It's just you got to be willing to try all different things and be willing to keep showing up, be able to be open. You've just got to be open to the process and if you're not open, if you're shut off again, maybe take a step back. Why am I not willing to do any of this? Yeah, again, that's probably some trauma and it sucks with counseling, that it's hard for people to afford it. Um, but most of us can figure it out to afford it. But maybe you can find someone or something like that. And again, there's tons of free groups out there. There's tons of people that you at least connect with. And that would be.
Speaker 2:The biggest takeaway is just, if you're thinking about healing, it's holistic, it's mind, body and spirit. The body is the easy part. The mind and spirit side is the part that no one talks about, no one wants to do, because it's not the sexy and fun stuff. I don't get to go. Oh guys, look at this Bible study I'm doing today. Or, man, look at this intense EDMR therapy I'm having. Look at all these tears and how hard my day is. That's not the sexy stuff that people post about. They're like look what I eat. Look, I got abs and eating a cheeseburger. Look at this workout. Look at oh, look at I'm on this gut healing journey. And here's my 30 supplements that I don't want to take but I just want to show everyone because I want attention.
Speaker 2:You're doing the body is the easiest part of all of it. It is you literally just have to do it and there's no try. And with this, the other thing is take the word try. There's no trying in life. It's either you do or you don't, because if you think of the word try, there's a difference between try and attempt.
Speaker 2:Try, when you try something, you don't care what the result is. So if I try a new food, I either like it or I don't, and I don't care if I like it or don't, but if I make an attempt, an attempt means you are looking for a certain result. So, with all of this, be willing to make the attempt, be willing to understand your why of why you're doing your stuff, and take the try out of everything and get to work on it. That's like the ending part of what I would say, and I try to get that to everyone. And for some of you coaches, you might have to let some of your clients go and just understand like we've done what we can, and I had one. This week.
Speaker 1:You can't help everyone and you can't heal everyone.
Speaker 2:And you might have to tell them. I told one this week. She's very burnt out. We've done what we can and I've explained to her multiple times. This is trauma related.
Speaker 2:You refuse to address it and I I know what your stresses and traumas are and, coming from someone with a, with a lot of trauma in my own life, if your trauma is stressing me out, I know for sure it's stressing you out because I've dealt with some crazy stuff or seen some crazy stuff that with her, we made the decision like cool, you need to go work on you. And in their mind they don't think working on the trauma is why their hormones are messed up. They don't think it has anything to do with it. They think they all maybe there's just a lost hope and I need HRT and that type of thing. But at the same time you can't say if you've done everything, when your only thing you've done everything is nutrition, training and supplement.
Speaker 2:Have you addressed any spirituality? Have you addressed any trauma? No, then you have not done everything. Have you spent any spirituality? Have you addressed any trauma? No, then you have not done everything. Have you spent time being uncomfortable doing the right things? We can get you better with a GI thing in three to six months, but that's not what makes you better. How long can you maintain this to allow your intestinal stem cells and panaceas to heal so you don't have a relapse and have the same issue down the road? That's what we're talking about here. Is that times? You've got to keep doing this and keep showing up and eventually the body does just self heal. The body is made to do that Right, the body also to heal. You've got to remove the negative thoughts. If you are saying you've done everything but you still have negative thoughts about yourself every day, you aren't doing everything, because we have plenty of research where it shows how negative thoughts impacts the body.
Speaker 2:I think dr dispenza has a study that he talked about and someone that had diagnosed with cancer or something. They kept living like they're gonna die. They died. They did the autopsy. There was no cancer, it was all negative thoughts. So that's the other part of it. So I hope this helps somebody.
Speaker 1:You and I both love. I appreciate you and I'm glad that you came on, because I always love to. I love, I love our, our Ted talks and our rants, because it's it's true, but no one wants to talk about it. So that's why I'm like Trey's, my guy. I know I can do it, he's going to do it and we're going to 10 out of 10.
Speaker 1:So, for those tuning in again, I hope this conversation has provided you some type of guidance. Maybe you feel heard and seen a little bit less and you know a little bit less alone. Let me finish that on your journey, because we're all works in progress and it's baby steps and you need to be gentle and progress as you see fit in what works for you, because if you see me doing on something on social media, it does not mean it will work for you, ever, ever. I just want to make sure that is very clear. So if anything's resonated with you today, leave a review, share the episode and you can always reach out to Troy and I. I know his DMs are always open and overflowing, but, troy, I am very grateful for you to spend this hour with me. I appreciate you, as always and guys, until next time y'all have a great one.