Building the Best You

Mastering Stress and Performance with Elle Ingalls

• Jeanne Collins • Season 2 • Episode 96

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In this episode of Building the Best You, Jeanne Collins sits down with Elle Ingalls—author, coach, and creator of the Pressure Free Method—to explore the science and strategy behind managing stress and unlocking peak performance. 

Elle shares her unconventional journey from music and business to coaching high achievers, revealing how understanding the body’s stress response can transform everything from health and relationships to leadership and personal fulfillment. 

Through real client stories and practical tools, this conversation offers a refreshing, science-backed approach to reducing anxiety, improving resilience, and creating a more intentional, balanced life.

Elle's book recommendations: Cash in a Flash and The One Minute Millionaire

More about Elle:

Elle Ingalls is the author of Pressure-Free Parenting and The Pressure-Free CEO. She’s the creator of The Pressure-Free Method, a revolutionary performance method designed to help high-achieving individuals from CEOs to students to break free from stress and unlock their full potential. With a unique blend of expertise as a performance coach, executive, college athlete, and professional musician, Elle developed this method to stop the fight-or-flight stress response before it starts, enabling sharper decision-making, increased resilience, and greater success without burnout.

https://elleingalls.com/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/pressurefreeliving/

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Introducing Elle Ingalls

SPEAKER_01

Welcome to Building the Best You, a destination for you to reimagine what is possible in your life and then create it. Welcome to the show, everybody. I'm your host, Gene Collins, and today we are going to talk about stress. Oh my goodness. We have Al Engels on the show. She is an author, a coach, a speaker, and she has what's called the pressure-free method. She has two books out, she coaches people, she does retreats, she does all kinds of really cool things to help us deal with stress. And Al and I spoke before for about an hour and we just gabbed and gabbed and gabbed when we met the first time. So hopefully we can bring some of that conversation to our talk today, where we can talk about wellness and stress and how you help individuals and corporations. So, Elle, welcome to the show. Thank you so much, Jane. It's great to be here. It's great to see you again. So before we dive into everything you do, you have a super interesting background. And so I would love if you could share a little bit about your professional background and a little bit about you and your life.

Saying Yes and Building a Business Without Perfection

SPEAKER_00

Well, I'm a New Englander. So I was I grew up in New Hampshire, went to the University of Michigan, and they don't warn you when you go to college that you might never go home again because you might meet the person of your dreams, right? All these miles away. So um raised our family here. We have three sons here in Michigan, and it was actually my son. So my my background is in sports, music, and business. So I like to think of it. And so I actually rode for Michigan. I had never rode before, and I made the varsity boat my freshman year. So it was really, really fun, amazing experience. A lot of my coaching comes from being in a team of eight women all in sync. Like that's a very profound and cool thing to do. And then I was the first woman in orchestral conducting, so first woman to cut the symphony at Michigan, which was a really big deal and really exciting. And um, I also got an MBA. I wanted to have a family, and I was looking, you know, this would be late 80s, early 90s, and I was watching my women colleagues get on the short list for orchestras, but never getting hired. And I thought, how can I be traipsing all over the world trying to get a job? And I want to have a marriage and a family. So I went into symphony management. It was tough. I mean, my my conducting professor to this day, like just before he died, I saw him like a few months before he died, and he still said, Why aren't you on the podium? Like, why aren't you conducting? And it and it would he was Swiss, so he still had this heavy Swiss accent, you know. And actually, he was at Yale before he came to Michigan. So a lot of Connecticut, Michigan connection there. And and he he was so disappointed in me. But I chose to be in Symphony Management. My husband and I created a music school. We were very integral in our community, raised our children, and it was my older two sons were just sitting around the dining room table, just shooting the breeze. And my eldest goes, Mother, you should coach our baseball team and your mental toughness tips that you teach your violin students and us. We would be amazing. And I was like, Oh my gosh, you want me in the dugout? That's crazy. I mean, even in second grade, it was throw the snacks, don't come near the dugout, mom, right? So I was like, okay, you guys are serious. And I looked at my middle son and he said, We want you, mom. We really want you to. So I took the ideas to the coaches, and the head coach was a financial advisor for Chase at the time. And he said, Oh my gosh, I want you to work with the boys, but will you be my private coach? And I didn't even know what to charge. Like, Jesus had no idea what I was doing. Like I didn't know what to say. Like I said, I said absolutely yes. But then I was like, okay, what am I charging? How much am I going to charge him? And what am I going to do? Like, yeah. And then my department chair, where I taught violin for years, she finds out what I'm doing and literally grabs her checkbook and she goes, I need you. How much is your course? And I go, It's not a course. She goes, Well, it will be. I want it. So she became my second client. And I just really dug in. It was almost as if, oh, this is how my husband described it. He said, It was like, you know, when you have all these gears, but they're not all fitting. He goes, It's as if all the gears of my entire life and all my experiences just went. Yeah. And I was just like off and running. I ended up conducting doing a seminar for the entire faculty at that college. Like things just opened up. Yeah. And so that was 2010, 16 years ago this month. Actually, my anniversary of my business is tomorrow, the 15th. Congratulations. Congratulations. Most entrepreneurs give up in the first year in the first five. Of course. I just have stuck with it. And I'd have to say the reason I have like I've had times that were really tough, and I've stuck with it because of the benefits that my clients get. And it will be like if I'm thinking, oh my gosh, maybe I should be doing something different. I'll get this beautiful text from someone. I just got one from a teen that I coached, a volleyball player. She's down in Texas now. And she goes, I I just had to write to you to tell me. I I coached her three years ago. Yeah. She goes, I had to write to tell you. I had to write to you to tell you just how impactful what you shared with me was. And she just went, all these paragraphs of what's happening in her life here now and what she worked through. And, you know, it's it's like moments like that where I go, okay, this is what I was born to do. Like this is what I'm supposed to do. So that's kind of how it got started.

Authenticity, Content Creation, and Real Connection

SPEAKER_01

Which is such a cool story. So, first of all, kudos to you. So you just glazed over this, but one of the things that you did, which is so important, is you just said yes. And you just followed your gut. I did. You said yes. It felt really aligned. You didn't wait until you had it all buttoned up. I am uh sure you did not have a website. You didn't you didn't have a process. I had no pricing. You didn't have anything. I didn't have anything. You had nothing. But what you did have was a concept and a passion for that concept and a desire to figure it out. A desire to figure out how to take your special skills and serve other people with that. So I think that's so important as entrepreneurs because sometimes we we just pause, we don't jump in. People want to wait. They're like a lot. We hesitate. It's like, well, I don't want to talk about it until I have a website, or I don't want to talk about it until I, you know, have like 10 different Google reviews and all these testimonials. And so many of the entrepreneurs, I know it feels like they fell into it, but they didn't. They've been working at it, but the opportunity just arose and they took advantage of it, which I think is super important as an entrepreneur and as a woman navigating life's paths and pivots and turns with the different stages of life, too.

SPEAKER_00

That's a great one to say. Sometimes I was 40, almost 48 when I created this. And over these years, like I'm 63 now, I would say to myself, oh my gosh, am I too old? Like I'm trying to be, I'm not trying to be an influencer, okay? But I do content. I do like I have over a thousand public videos on my YouTube channel, but but I love that you said website because I was a go daddy girl. Like I make my little website. I make my little website, and my the second year of my business, I land this big speaking engagement on Navy Pier, which is a huge place in Chicago. Yep. Um, International Jewelry Convention. Okay. So it was every aspect of the jewelry industry, including like the platinum. My my sponsor for my event was the platinum sorcer in New York. Yes. Like fascinating people, right? Yeah. But it was 2011, and what he told me, he said, You you need to know the people in the room are the ones who have survived because many jewelers lost their businesses during the pan that that stretch of twenty 2008 to 2010.

SPEAKER_01

Yes, right.

SPEAKER_00

Yep, yep. And he goes, These are the survivors, and they're so stressed, which is why they brought me and another stress management coach in. So my but my website was so bad. I literally sat on the floor of my mother-in-law's home and like did this stupid little video. And so I asked the program person, I go, why did you choose me? Like, there's all these. And she goes, I chose you because you are real. And our people need real right now. And I thought, okay, so we don't have to be perfect. Yeah. You know, I grew up in the classical musical world where you make you cannot make a mistake in an audition or you will not win. Yeah, right. Of course. You cannot make an error. And and not only that, but you have to play with complete phrasing, like all the elements, absolutely as perfect as you can. So so many of my clients resonate with that. Like, I just want to be so perfect, and that's all the stress, and you know, it's just compounds when we try to be so perfect. So that that was interesting to me too. It's like just do it messy, just get it out there, let people know what you're doing. You just don't know who will who will like that and who will see that.

Coaching High Achievers and Managing Anxiety

SPEAKER_01

It's which is true. And really, ironically, right now, in this day and age where we are right now, where video is everywhere and people are on every platform. And as a content creator, like as a business owner, you have to be a content creator. You have to be advocating for your brand. You have to have your face out there. It doesn't matter what you do for a living. The thing I hear again and again and again from experts in that space is that people want real, especially because AI can make everything fake. So everybody wants real and people want more of that connection, especially since COVID. So here we are, fast forward 16 years, and it's still the same thing. And how cool is that? It's sort of like some of these basic principles of running a business and how you show up in the world as authentically you representing your business, still apply. Like that formula still works. It still applies. It still works. I love it. And you also coach, I don't want to miss this part too. You coach like all ages and people who are athletes and people who are musicians and people who are artists and people in business and CEOs and entrepreneurs. Like you coach everybody.

SPEAKER_00

And of course, what do my business coaches say? You need to niche this out, Al.

SPEAKER_01

Well, that's okay. So that was gonna be my question, right? Because for all of the people that are like trying to start a business, and I'm picking your business brain here, for then we're gonna shift everything that you do. But for people that are thinking about starting a business, that is one of the initial challenges, is like you got to like hone in and niche in because your message has to resonate with that person, but yet you are working with and talking to a teenage athlete, which is going to be incredibly different than a finance CEO. So, how are you, as a business owner, how are you flexing from here to there and and helping all of those different types of people? How does that happen?

SPEAKER_00

The first thing I would say is I love to, I don't like to be pigeonholed. Like in my whole career, I loved running a symphony because I got it was a small symphony. I got to do everything. I did finance, I did marketing, I did all the donors, I did it all. It was so fun because every day was different.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

So by coaching people of different ages, the the common denominator with I'd say about three quarters of my clients is that they're high achievers. They want to do more without feeling so anxious or stressed, or, you know, we lift up the hood and what's really going on. But yeah, on the outside, it's like they are go-getters. They really want to make things happen in the world or, you know, in their communities, on their team. They want to be leaders. Most of them have a leadership component to their lives. And then there's a small group of people that I coach that I would say come to me because they've been anxious for way too long. Like they've been stuck in anxiety. Maybe they've been in therapy for years and still haven't broken through. They've had panic attacks and it's scared them. Yeah. On my website is an HR director of a major company who um took herself to the hospital. She writes about this. She took herself to the hospital thinking she was having a heart attack, but it was a panic attack. She tried all these different therapies and all these things. And then a colleague of hers told her about me. And in the very first session, it all became clear. Like it was just like, oh, I get it. And then she said this. She goes, Yes, it's gonna help me at work, but this is gonna change my family for generations to come. She has five children. So it's like a lot of anxiety with that just by itself. Just just getting everybody out the door in the morning. But what she said to me was so interesting. She goes, if it had been a heart attack, they could have fixed that. Yeah. But it was a panic attack and they really couldn't fix that. So then it kind of weighs on you, is this gonna happen again? Like, when is this gonna happen again? Like all these roiling thoughts, right? And like, this is gonna this is taking me out of my game, you know, and she's a real high achiever. So those tend to be my clients. They one or the other. And I love doing all ages. And and when I work with a 10-year-old, they get what I teach my adult clients. Like I don't water it down. I even share scientific words because they love it, they think it's cool, and they're like, they want to be treated like really intelligent people they are, right? Yes, and I can think back, I don't have a really good memory, so I can think back to exactly how I thought when I was 10. When I was 12 in Conquer, New Hampshire, I actually played in an adult chamber concert because I was the second best violinist in the whole town. So I was like, you know, so I thought I knew it all. Of course you do. That kind of knowledge. Like these little gymnasts that don't even go to regular school because they're headed to the Olympics. Like they, they, they are, you know, so intelligent about how they're trying to craft their life because this is their choice. Their parents aren't making them do this. Right, sure. You know, this is what they want to do.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

So, um, so yeah, so I do work with all ages, but niche is important to my new daughter-in-law. My my son married my client, actually. So that's kind of fun. We love that. So cool. Yeah, she's a ski coach. She was um actually nominated NCAA Woman of the Year, Athlete of the Year at University of New Hampshire, like amazing skier. And so she niche to skiers and then does some other sports as well, like golf and tennis. Um, but ski is her main thing. And she went through my program and I helped her, you know, really open up. She got her first client in mental performance coaching for skiing, like two weeks into working with me. Yeah. Which is fabulous. Yes. And um, she has a waiting list. She has clients from all over the world. So you can get very specific on something, and then all your messaging is to that, and that's fabulous. All right.

The Pressure Free Method Explained

SPEAKER_01

So you give me the opportunity to ask about because you do so many different things with your business and just as a person and a human being, right? But you, in addition to being a coach, you coach people and teach people your method on how they can do it too. So I think before we get to that, can we talk about your method? But make sure we circle back because I think it is super interesting and will be interesting to a lot of listeners how you how you can help other people in the coaching space to maybe become a slightly different type of coach. So your method. Can we talk about your method first?

SPEAKER_00

So back in 2010, when I when the boys asked me to do that, I did have these very simple tools. I had I call them the nine basic tools. And that's what I started working with. And then I quickly figured out that how stress presents in us is so individuated. How what we feel, what triggers us, what experiences we have. So I built over 50 tools and I built a whole course. So I actually have curriculum that I coach my clients. So um this method has three simple steps. The first is targets. What are you aiming for? So when you can decide a few things, and and sometimes it's hard for people to pull this out, especially if they're really stressed, but usually it's around performance or money. Like I want more money in my business, I want to get a promotion, I want to change jobs, like there's something going on there, or you're in transition, looking for the next best thing. So there's performance, then there's health. So you could have some serious things going on, or I've had a panic attack, or there's just, you know, or you just want to prevent, you want to prevent things like prevent cancer, prevent heart disease, whatever. So all those things have have a the stress response has a role in those. And then last is relationships. So you want a better relationship with your parent or your spouse or your child, you know, there's there's something going on in there. That often is a byproduct of the first two. Like most people are pinging on those first two, but then all of a sudden they're having this better relationship because they're not overreacting all the time. Right.

SPEAKER_01

Sure.

SPEAKER_00

So that changes things quite a bit. So what is your target? Sometimes, Gene, people come to me and they go, Elle, you know, I I can't even tell you. I don't even know what the future brings me. I'm just so messed in this spot. I just want to feel happier.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

Understanding the Stress Response and Hormones

SPEAKER_00

Or like one mother said to me, I just want to be more composed when the chaos hits. Like, I don't do well in the chaos. That's a good one. She goes, Yeah. Yeah. She goes, I just want to be so much more composed. I want to have composure. Yes. I hear that at work too when something you'll get an email and you start overreacting. You're like, no, I just want to be able to take it in and stay neutral. Mm-hmm. And so things like that. I had one teen say to me, She'd been in full chronic anxiety for two years. Her dad was an executive at Kellogg, and he he said, Listen, my baby girl hasn't smiled in two years. Oh, that's heartbreaking. It was so heartbreaking. There'd been a divorce. There'd also been, she's biracial and she moved to a different school. And so there was a whole like all these components, right? Yeah. All these components. She chose to live with her dad, who lives in the country. So they beautiful house on a lake, by the way, but they'd have to go buy deer. You know, and so she's so afraid we're gonna hit a deer. Oh. We have a lot of deer in Michigan. Yeah, right. Of course. A lot of deer. Yeah, of course. So, so and she'd see them on the side of the road. And so she's starting to learn to drive and just freaking out about all everything, right? So when she got on the on uh first time together, she goes, Oh, I I seriously need to feel happy again. Oh, that's heartbreaking thing. And I go, right? Right. So that's our target. When I worked with her, and I I show this right here. So in the first session, I teach people about the stress response. And there's two floods of hormones. First flood are called catecholamines, it's a cocktail of adrenaline, noradrenaline, and dopamine, which is why I believe some people are addicted to adrenaline, they get a hit of dopamine in the bloodstream, not up here, but in the bloodstream. Yeah. So that's why we can fight or run away. Yeah. Second flood of hormones are glucocorticoids. I'll refer to it as cortisol. That's everybody's talking about cortisol today. Yeah. But they don't talk about the catecholamines. If you re don't release the catecholamines, an abundance of cortisol does not go out. So the secret is the first flood. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Not to reduce cortisol. You actually need that to fix your brain and your extremities from the first flood. So it's very beautiful how we're designed.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

So with the second flood, one of the side effects is you can feel anxious for no reason. Okay. So when I taught that to that girl, she goes, Oh. She goes, I get it. She goes, like she goes, half of the reason I feel so anxious and worried all the time is because of that. Yes. So she goes, if if I don't release this, then these won't go out. I go, exactly. And she looks at me with tears in her eyes and she goes, that makes me cry when I think about it. I haven't told the story in a while. She goes, she goes, I can do this. Yes. Yes, you can. Yes. And in two and a half weeks, she broke the stress response. She broke the cycle of stress hormone release. Yeah. And she had a real smile on her face for the first time in years. And it was like that's amazing. And no. So that at that point, that was the fastest anybody had a breakthrough with me. It was two and a half weeks.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Usually it's like six to eight weeks because we have habits of reaction that are generations old. Sure.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Oh, it's been there for so long.

SPEAKER_00

It's it's so long.

SPEAKER_01

And we don't even, it happens, we don't even think about it. It just, it's happening.

SPEAKER_00

We don't. Yeah. Sometimes we'll think it's our culture. I had one client who goes, listen, I'm just this way because I'm an Italian Jew. This is who I am. And he's like waving his hands all around, right? And so I said to him, I go, I was actually coaching the couple, the two of them together. And I said, Well, let's let's just see what happens. Okay. Like I can't make any promises to any client, any prospect. Right. So let's just see what happens. And when a few months in, he wrote me the most beautiful email about how he stayed totally pressure free getting his son ready for school. His wife owns two orthodontra practices. And so he takes his son to school every morning. How he didn't overreact, how it was a beautiful drive to school, no overreaction. So in my head, I'm going, right. So that's you. Yeah. But that's you not under the influence of these stress hormones. Right. I never thought, Gene, I'd be talking about hormones all day. That's like I actually thought that was a bad word when I was a little girl. We have to, you know, when you understand it all, it just makes sense. Yeah. To have really tried to create a methodology that makes sense, that's easy, easy for people to do. Yeah. And is very, very effective because it's based on the science of the stress response. Right. Sure.

SPEAKER_01

Which for super intelligent people, they can relate to that because the other thing that you're giving them by explaining the science is you're answering the question of why am I doing this and why can't I control it? Which overtimes, right? Especially with panic attacks, anxiety. It's like, but I know in my brain I shouldn't do this, or my brain, like logically, people understand I should be able to control my emotions. I should be able to, I should be happy. Look at everything I have. I should be happy. Why don't I feel happy? All of the things that we should be doing, but yet people who are really anxious or have a lot of stress have a really hard time doing. But you are explaining to them why, why their body is doing what they're doing.

SPEAKER_00

Right. It's a big eye-opener for why even little things like the eye twitch or losing hair. I had a client who was losing her hair, sweating, cold hands and cold feet. Your physician will probably say, Oh, I think you have a thyroid issue.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

I always want to say, let's check and see if you have a stress response issue first. Yeah. Like anything going on chronically usually has a root in these releases of hormones. So if we can prevent that, let's just see what's happening. And you know, I never, when I started this, again, I really just thought I was helping people perform at a higher level. But all of a sudden, all these help things happen. They happened for me too. And I'm I'd love to share that. Yeah. Because absolutely quite personal. But my first big violin competition in New England, this hand broke out in eczema so severely, I had cracked and bleeding knuckles for 35 years. Oh my goodness. Especially here and here. And I'm just gonna show my hand for those watching. Yes. Like that, those are 63-year-old fingers. Yeah. And I've never had skin like this in my whole life. And skin is our largest organ. Yes, of course. So if anyone, I mean, I'd had that for 35 years. If anybody had said, Oh, I know a way to heal your eczema, I would have laughed. Like I've tried everything. I even gave up chocolate for 90 days. Like, like I've tried everything. Okay. So it's like I would have been in complete denial that anybody could help me. Yes. And yet in eight weeks of using my method on myself, my skin completely cleared and my breast tissues changed. So I had dense fibrous breast tissues. I don't know if I shared this on me last time, but no. Yeah, I had dense fibrous breast tissues. I lost my mom to breast cancer. She was actually my age when she first got it, and then she passed away at 69, 68. Um, her mom lived to be 100. So it was very shocking to lose my mother. Yeah. And then my father just died of a broken heart, of a heart attack three months later. So I'm so sorry. I had those same tissues.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And in eight weeks, my tissues completely changed. One of my certification clients, hers changed in four and a half weeks. Wow. And it's like, oh my goodness, what's happening to us, right? Yes.

SPEAKER_01

Right.

Identifying Triggers and Using the 10 Second Solution

SPEAKER_00

That got me really curious. So I've like, I would talk to endocrinologists, to all sorts of different professional people. I've coached psychologists, I've coached social workers. Like I'm so curious to pick their brain about like what do they know? Yeah. How does what I'm doing fit in? And so yeah, I've built something that is so really solid. And my writing coach in New York, when he he found me and he goes, So I work with a lot of people in your space, but how did your people get these results? Like, yeah, how are they getting these results? I was very curious about that. And I go, well, if you base it on science, like the science of the stress response, instead of we will talk all day about feelings, we'll talk all day about stuff up here. But what's happening biologically to us, that's what that's what gets me really excited, actually. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Well, and you're also going to what's the root cause.

SPEAKER_00

That's right.

SPEAKER_01

Which I think is so impactful. It's understanding what's the root cause of the symptoms that you're having. What is the root cause of that?

SPEAKER_00

That's right. So target. It could be something you don't want. You don't want a disease, or you don't want to have horrible skin anymore. Right. Yeah. Step two triggers or tensions. What causes you to tense up? Like if you look closely, this side of my face from how many years? Oh, 50, 60 years of playing violin. Right. It's like this side of my face is like mushed up. Okay. I work on it, by the way. Yeah. Right. We all have different sides of our face, right? Right. But this is my tension side. Okay. And because it was so locked in from hours and hours, like there were times in college I was practicing 10 hours a day. Oh, okay. Or playing 10 hours a day. So, so then at night, this was my grind side.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, right, sure.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Right? So where do you feel tension? A lot of people in the shoulders, some people chest, some people belly, even hands and feet. One girl I were I coached cut in her hands from squeezing so hard. She was a really talented athlete. She's a college athlete, you know, just squeezing.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

So we all hold tension places physically. Now, what about the tensions mentally? What makes you feel certain emotions that can trigger that stress response? And now you're in an overreactive mode.

SPEAKER_01

Right.

SPEAKER_00

It's like we'll say things and do things we later regret. Yeah. So noticing all those little things. So triggers or tensions. What's causing you or could cause you to trigger the stress response? It could be the alarm on this little box. Right. It could be notifications or emails from a certain person or the text you can't really tell what they're trying to tell you. Yeah. Sure. So many things. So with my clients, we debunk that. We just get real patient and gentle with ourselves because high achievers will beat themselves up because they notice they've triggered themselves over something they've had for like 30 years. It's like, oh my gosh. Yes. So patience. And then third step, tools and the 10-second solution. Okay. So from a resting heart rate, it usually can take up to 10 seconds before the two mechanisms in the brain kick off fight or flight. Okay. The first mechanism goes straight to those adrenal glands and releases that flood of catecholamines.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And the second tells our body to create more cholesterol because cortisol is built from cholesterol. Okay. And the cortisol is building in the outer skin of the adrenal gland. So that whole mechanism is starting to form in order to provide that big flood of hormones later to fix the brain cells in the extremities, get the salt, sugar, and water content of the cell back to normal. Now we're functioning and back in homeostasis. Yeah. So it's a divine system, but it lasts for hours. Okay. And once you trigger, you're vulnerable to trigger again and again and again. Yes. So the whole key to pressure-free living is what can you do in that 10 seconds to prevent the first release. Uh-huh. That's it's so simple, right? Right. But we're so complex.

SPEAKER_01

Right, of course. Yeah. So easy to say that. Yeah, okay, sure. Yeah. Just breathe through it. Yeah, breathe through it.

SPEAKER_00

I was working with a hot-headed hockey player. He goes, I don't have 10 seconds, I have 0.6 seconds. Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_01

No kidding.

SPEAKER_00

So I said, Well, that's that's enough time to smile.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

That's enough time to relax your belly.

SPEAKER_02

Okay.

SPEAKER_00

All you did was that. Relaxing the belly sends a signal to the brain, there's no reason to be afraid. Okay. Because our abs are protective mechanism from an attack.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

We don't have ribs down there.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

Presence, Lifestyle Shifts, and Long-Term Transformation

SPEAKER_00

So we tighten up. Sure. So just relaxing the belly is a very simple tool. I was just on a call with a woman. This is the woman is so multi-talented. And this is, I think, her, she's in her third. Like I do three month coaching pro three months, and usually people are off and running, but sometimes they want to go deeper. Sure. So she's on her third. Okay. So now we're like getting into the real fine things. But she was talking about that. Like now I see this, and now I can do this with my child. And now I can see this happening in my in my professional life. And things that would cause such major overreactions. And you know, a lot of those reactions are the deepest fears, like fear of failure, fear of rejection. Right. Yes. One of my dear cousins, he's a leadership coach in the um finger lakes, and he gave me one that I I've been bringing up to my clients. It's the fear of betrayal. So like if you've worked for an organization for a long time and suddenly they're laying off a hundred people. Right. And you had 25 years into this place, right? It was your home away from home. Yeah. And then suddenly you're gone in one conversation, you are now terminated. Like it happens like boom. And and so fear betrayal with relationships, with organizations, like that's kind of an interesting one to pull in. So yeah, so tools, 10 seconds solution. My tools come in three types. So using your body to inform your mind that you're safe, using your mind. And then the third are what I call life design tools. Okay. So very unique tools around time management, planning, strategic planning, personal planning, business planning, whatever people are working on. I've probably been over a hundred books on since I was like 20 years old on this, these topics. And so I've kind of assimilated things to create like simple steps in a lot of ways. Yeah. Like, and that's why I think a lot of the leaders, like I was working with um, he's like second in command in Asia Pacific with this big company. And yeah, he goes, I've been in hundreds of hours of leadership training, and no one's taught me what you taught me. Right. It's like he goes, I'm a totally different leader now. Yeah. I see my team. I hear my team. What do people complain about? My boss doesn't see or hear me. Yeah, my boss doesn't know who I am. Yeah, they don't know who I am. Right. And that's just a number of distressed.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, of course. They can't even see you. Yeah, no. Right. It's it's like when you're having that conversation with someone and you can see that they are already thinking about their response and they're not actually even listening to you. It happens all the time. And especially in corporate, it happens all the time. But it also happens in people's relationships at home all the time. You know, people really aren't present. They're not present. They're like, they're like, yeah, so what are you talking about? Right. Uh-huh. Yeah. Right. There's a presence to what you're teaching because you're teaching people to tune in to their mind and to their body and to their environment, which is forcing them to have to be much more present in life. Yes.

SPEAKER_00

You gain presence and you also gain a much wider perspective. Because I I think we became indoor people about 200 years ago. Yeah. Like if we went back in time, you know, we'd you and I would get up, we'd be milking the cow, we'd be taking care of this. And then we'd finally eat, right? And then we'd be out all day in the field. Right. Then we'd come in, right? Yeah. It's like we were outdoor people. And then with the pandemic, we really shut down and got tight and closed. And so I was just working with the junior chamber of commerce, which is a real up-and-coming group in our city. Our city is really full of a lot of young people making stuff happen. It's a really up-and-coming city. So it is exciting. My sons have been all a part of that. And so talking with them, and and they're they even mentioned, like, even though it's a few years after the pandemic, they were caught in it in college and in high school. And so they're like, I love this because I get to be with people and get together, everybody.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, it's the experience that they didn't get to have because the pandemic took that away for them. Yeah, which is a huge problem for the younger generation for sure.

SPEAKER_00

And it caused so many stressors. Just so many stressors. Sure. So that really compounded things, I think, for a lot of people. So yeah, three simple steps: targets, triggers, tools. And then I love to say the one T-word we're gonna kind of move over here is try. Because I noticed that the word try usually means it we cannot do it. Like, oh, so Gene, you have an event coming up. Oh, I'll try to be there.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

You don't think I'm gonna make it. No. I gave myself an out, right? Of course. I gave myself an out. Right. Oh, yeah, I'll try to be there. Yeah. That's that's not that's as close to a no as you can get. Yep. That's as close, yeah. So I use the word play very intentionally, and I'm like, we're gonna just play here.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Because again, you've got some of these habits you had for when you were in utero, like a long time.

SPEAKER_02

Yep.

SPEAKER_00

And so we're gonna be gentle. We're just gonna figure out like what's going on, and we're gonna celebrate every little win. So some of my tools have built-in celebration to them. Yeah. Because we need to celebrate those little wins so that we can gain some traction. Sure. Yeah, you need momentum.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. We need momentum. And you need the positive energy that comes with celebrating the win. That is releasing a very positive energy out there, which we need more of that because our brains are naturally speaking in a very negative tone to us all day long. And so we have to actively engage the positive side and the putting out of the positive energy for sure.

SPEAKER_00

We sure do. We sure do. And and you can be stuck in one area of your life that that really then infiltrates everything else. Like I had a client in Hawaii, and one thing I love is that I mean, I can coach anybody anywhere in the world, yeah, thanks to technology today. Which is great. It's fantastic. And so she's in Hawaii and she had her own business. She's a an artist and she makes jewelry that she sells in all the shops. And she had um a partner, she had a weight problem, and she's a volunteer for sea turtles. Okay. And she noticed that she would get very overreactive if people got too close to the eggs or whatever she was guarding, like if the tourist, she would have an instant overreaction. Yeah. So the overreacting in her volunteer activity was bleeding into her relationship. Sure. She'd come home from that, not happy that she worked with the sea turtles, but mad at the tourists, and then she'd like to take it out on her partner. Like, right. So there was this like bleeding over. And she wrote to me once and she goes, You know, working with you has changed the trajectory of every area of my life. And that's because like we really kind of dug in here, and then all of a sudden this started to shift. Right. Now you see that's a celebration, right? You see, oh my gosh, I'm getting along with him so much better. Like, oh, that's cool. Right, right. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01

So yeah, yeah, it's it has a spiraling effect. And but also because you're teaching tools to people that apply to so many different life situations. It's not just like stretch, stress comes with every facet of life and is applicable to everyone. It's the one thing we all have, and we all have these hormones. And so we all have this. Everything you're talking about, we all have. No one is unique and doesn't have it. But the tools that you teach and the method that you teach, once you learn it, and let's say you're you come in and your target is to learn it in a work environment, I would think you can't unlearn it when it comes to all the other areas of your life. So once you sound true, right? Like you don't unlearn it over there. You learn these tools and those become your new way of being, just like a new lifestyle, a new health routine, all those things. Once you do them long enough, you know, living a healthy lifestyle is a lifestyle.

SPEAKER_00

It's it is the lifestyle. It's funny. My eldest, that's what he said one day. He says, Mother, you've created a lifestyle, like a way of living. Exactly. So he was 18 when I created this, and he and I were the first two to like super dig in and like really do it.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

He kept waking, we both kept waking up earlier and earlier till one morning, it's a Saturday morning. I'm on the computer at 4:30 in the morning. Oh my goodness. Just like working away. He comes bounding down the stairs at 5 a.m., teenager 18 on the weekend, right? And he goes, Mother, how come I wake up every morning calm and exhilarated? What is that?

SPEAKER_02

Right.

SPEAKER_00

And I go, honey, I think for the first time we are getting a real deep delta wave sleep.

SPEAKER_02

Sure. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

So we don't need as many hours.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Right.

SPEAKER_00

And we're waking up refreshed and just like ready to go.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, your body is recovering.

SPEAKER_00

Oh my gosh. If that isn't, yeah, we our body isn't needing to get rid of all the stress hormones all night because they literally, the cycle can last up to 24 hours for women and up to nine for men. Like wow. Hours that your body's dealing with these hormones. Yeah. We're not doing that. So we're like, oh.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. So you're really getting the zen of sleep, which sleep is like the number one thing you can do for your health, is to get a good night's sleep and get enough sleep. And to your point, get really restful sleep. And we hear so much about it. Yeah, it's with it's the key to everything related to preventing every type of disease out there. Um to reverse the signs of aging as well and to keep your brain going, is to be able to give your brain the shutdown that it really needs at night through restful sleep, like true deep sleep, which a lot of people are not getting.

SPEAKER_00

And now we learned like 2022, the research came out about the gymphatic system, which is a cleansing system of the brain, just like our lymphatic system. Right. But if you there are a couple things, like if a lot sometimes my younger clients, like they're they're smoking weed every night to try and get to sleep. Yeah. Like they can't get to sleep. And once we legalize an estate, yeah, it really becomes rampant. People have no idea how much. I hear about it quite a bit. Yeah. And you can't get into a deep delta wave sleep, nor can your lymphatic system work properly on weed.

SPEAKER_02

Right.

Training Coaches and Expanding Impact

SPEAKER_00

And then also your ability to wake up in the morning. Actually, it was a client in Rhode Island that I had who, you know, it was just like a weekend thing and then an every night thing, and then a couple times during the day thing. Like it's it's like been constant. And so she would wake up tired more and more tired every morning. Every morning. She lost her jobs. Like she couldn't keep a job. And so it's kind of cool when you get a real sleep. You don't need any sleep aids.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

You don't need you don't need to wear your wearable. Yeah. Because sometimes the wearable causes the anxiety. Right. It's just like, oh, I didn't get a good night's sleep. And so now I'm going to have a crappy day. And maybe we need to take that off.

SPEAKER_01

When is information power and when is information not a good thing? Yes. Oh my gosh. I love that you said that. And it's finding the balance. It's finding the balance of where the information helps. Yeah. All right. So before we run out of time, I want to make sure we do talk about how you train other coaches through your program and through your method. Because if there are people who are listening, we have a lot of listeners who are in the coaching, personal wellness, personal growth, holistic health space. And I think a lot of what you do is really impactful. So can you talk for a minute about that side of your business?

SPEAKER_00

So the benefits of learning this and bringing it into your practice as coaches, as people helping others, whether that's therapy, coaches, whatever, we see our clients just struggle. And you've given them great advice. You've given them great tools. It's like, why can't they assimilate it and actually do it? A lot of times it's simply because they're just too stressed. Yeah. And they want it. Like the desire is there. And so by bringing pressure free into it, what my clients who've gone through certification have found is that it's like this instant boost for them to now be able to do what they really want to do, get those desired results, you know? Yep. So what I do is we just have a conversation and I find out about the person who wants to do this. And depending on like their personal situation, because sometimes, like some of the my my most stressed people have been yoga coaches. It's very stressful to have a yoga studio. Like you barely make enough money to survive. Like it's really hard.

SPEAKER_01

Yes, it's a hard way to make a living. And you're supposed to be zen all the time, which is also exactly when the business is not zen. Yes.

SPEAKER_00

The business is not zen. You're supposed to emulate what you you know, you are this. Your embodiment of your practice is what draws people to work with you, you know? So so what I found is that that sometimes we'll do the three-month first. That's just help you first. Yeah. And then we'll do certification in another three-month. Okay. Sometimes I have people who are, you know, they're such consummate coaches, therapists, whatever. Like I have a psychologist right now. We're we're going straight to learn the method, master it, and be able to teach it concurrently. Right. Yep. So we really just assess that with a person. And then at the end of that first three months, we assess, do you want more? So a second track where if it's an if you're new or maybe your business has stalled, I just have things that I can share around business to help open that all up for people too. Right. Even this is also helpful. Simple as simplest things like how you're tracking everything and yeah, you know, how you're making that happen. So that's a real like I wanted to create a ripple effect and I didn't want to franchise. Like yeah. It didn't I wanted people to be empowered and be off and running. Yes. And so that's why I built the method the way I did. And again, I have a business coach who says, You should be franchising this. But I get to run my business my way. That's why I created my own business. Of course. I have always been my own boss, I was an executive for years. And then I know so I get to run it the way I want. That's empowering, actually, to say this is really what I want to do and how I want to do it. Yeah. But um it's been a real joy to to build that program and help people, you know, be able to help others. I love it. Which is great.

SPEAKER_01

And that you are also you're working, you're coaching them. And so it's like you're just coaching on a different subject. And so I can see why you don't want to franchise that because then you miss that personal connection because every person that you're certifying through your program is going to be incredibly unique and their service is unique, their niche is unique, what they do is unique, how they're trying to serve the world is unique. And so by keeping you personally involved, it keeps you that personal connection with the concept and with the method. Yes, but it also makes it so you have the greatest impact in the people that you touch. And then they have the impact on you because it does give back to you. It fuels you and it helps you grow as a coach and a person because then you get challenged. I am sure people come to you and ask you different questions, and you're like, huh? I hadn't thought about that. Like, oh wow. Okay, maybe I need to write a book on that one. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

So much. You know, my accountability partner this morning, we were talking about money, and she goes, you know, you should your next book should be pressure free money.

SPEAKER_01

Yes. That's a big stressor for people. It's a huge, I mean, oh my goodness. Yes.

SPEAKER_00

Huge. Doesn't matter where you fall. I've coached people who are extremely wealthy, and I've coached people who are right on the edge. It doesn't matter where you fall.

unknown

No.

SPEAKER_00

It's so tied to our value. It's so there's so many elements to it. I was fortunate, my dad was a bank president. So we talked about money freely from the time I was little. Yeah. But some families never talk about money. So it's very fortunate to just have constant conversations about all of that.

SPEAKER_01

And money in a relationship is like one of the number one reasons why people get divorced. It's from people. Who are you? Right. Of course. It's money. It's values over money, worth over money, how you spend it, how you save it, how you make it, everything. It's so tied to our identities as well and how we define ourselves and our value, where we give money so much power that it doesn't, it doesn't need to have. And the stress over it gives money a lot of power too. And it's interesting too. Oh, I would love it if you wrote that book.

SPEAKER_00

As entrepreneurs, then then sometimes people who love us want to kind of get into our business. Yeah. Like, like, I have great ideas for you. And it's like the there's all that too, the relationship piece about how what we're trying to build and how we're trying to build it. Of course. Um that's interesting too. And, you know, in my CEO book, I talk about people we've lost. It's kind of it's it's a bold book. It's it's not my typical way, if you will, but I really wanted to get this message out. People we've lost before the age of 60 who are in CEO roles, leadership roles. Like two McDonald's CEOs.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

My my grandmother actually went to school with the McDonald's twins. So or they're not twins, brothers. Uh huh. So I know the whole like McDonald's story story from New Hampshire, but like uh Steve Jobs, Susan would just give you two. Her sister is a CEO of 23andMe. They just went through the bankruptcy. Yeah. All of these things. And if you look at the diseases and the things, the root is always in the stress response. So crazy. I have that book, and then I have pressure free parenting, which is From Pregnancy to Legacy. So it's all the way to your adult children. What are you building with your adult children? But I teach about 14 of my 50 tools in each of those books to get people started.

SPEAKER_01

To get people going.

SPEAKER_00

So they're like a good a good opener for understanding what this is all about. So and then I speak too. So I do workplace trainings and I speak, do keynotes and and you have retreats coming up in the fall. Talk about your retreats quickly. One will be in Pentwater, Michigan. That's where my husband grew up. It's on Lake Michigan. It's one of the most charming places. You don't need to lock anything. Like it's just so charming. So I always hold one there. And then I also hold one in the fall in New Hampshire. So two retreats coming up. Those are on my website. Perfect. And occasionally I do trainings. I have a uh blog, it's like an easine blog. And if you sign in, then you'll find out what's up every month and what's going on.

SPEAKER_01

So that's on my site too. Perfect. We will link all that in the show notes. Okay. Two more questions for you. Is there anything that I missed that you want to make sure we cover before we run out of time?

Book Recommendation: Cash in a Flash and The One Minute Millionaire

SPEAKER_00

Just one thing. Sometimes people say, Isn't anxiety inherited? Like, isn't it genetic? Interesting. Okay. My my mother had a my grandfather, whatever. Like I see it run through the family. We imitate. So I love to tell people just stay open to the fact that you can break this. Okay. Yeah. Just happen, right? Because we will have preconceived notions that we can't on a lot of things. Yeah. And of course that's one that I see.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, which is powerful. Yes, that you can. We do have the ability. We can. We can learn new things. That's and even if they're hard, we can learn new things. That's beautiful. An old brain can learn new tricks. It can, of course. And your body can learn new ways. You can get new neuropathways. Like there's so much that you can do. And your body can heal itself. Your body is an incredible organ. I like there's so much going on. You have such a capacity. My eyesight is better. That's amazing. Like you have such a capacity to heal too. And stress, stress ages us so fast. The more you can learn to control your stress response, it's aging us all as we speak. Okay. So I'd love to ask my guests if there's a book or books. Obviously, I'll link your books in the show notes, but if there's a book or books that has impacted you personally or professionally that you think people should read, what would you like to recommend?

Closing Thoughts and Final Takeaways

SPEAKER_00

So when I wanted to have my own business, I didn't know what it would be. I had no idea. It could be retail, it could be whatever. I had a lot of different things that I liked. And I went into my library and this was on the shelf. Cash in a Flash. Oh, yeah. By Mark Victor Hansen and Victor Hansen. Oh Robert G. Allen and Mark Victor Hansen. So Robert G. Allen actually became my real mentor in real life. Oh, that's so cool. Yeah. So I grabbed this book and the predecessor to it is The One Minute Millionaire. What I like about it is it's a story on one side and a how-to on the other.

SPEAKER_01

Okay.

SPEAKER_00

So it's a very unique book. Yeah. I got the CDs and I literally listened to both for probably um over a hundred times. As I was trying to put it in my thick head that I could actually start a business.

SPEAKER_02

Okay.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. And I started a financial business, put a mentor in my life, which was one of the chapters. Mm-hmm. And he said, I really don't think that this is the best use of your gifts and talents. I've read your bio online. I think you should be doing something else.

SPEAKER_01

Wow.

SPEAKER_00

And perfect mentor. Two nights later, perfect mentor. Perfect mentor. He's still my mentor.

SPEAKER_01

I love that.

SPEAKER_00

Two days later, my sons and I were around that dining room table. Love that.

unknown

That is.

SPEAKER_00

And I all he said was, he said, just what I said, stay open.

SPEAKER_01

Right. Open to the possibility.

SPEAKER_00

No idea.

SPEAKER_01

No idea. Yeah. Anything can change anytime, any day. It's never too late, everybody. Also, it's never too late. Never too late. You can pivot, you can change, you can shift. You can be having your purpose one year. And then next year your purpose might shift and change because you're meant to do other different things. And there's nothing wrong with the course you were on. It just means now you're meant to pivot. Not everybody's meant to do the same thing for 40 years. It's all good. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

It's so true.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. It is. Ah, Elle, thank you so much for coming on. You are just such a wealth of information. You do so much good in the world. And I really hope everyone goes, they follow you on Instagram, they sign up for your newsletter, they go to your website, buy your books. Your method is fantastic, and you're really just one person at a time changing the world because we all need to figure out how to deal with stress. So I thank you for all you do. And thank you for being such a fun guest. Thank you so much. All right, we'll definitely stay in touch. Thank you for joining us for this week's episode of Building the Best You. If you are ready to take a deeper dive into transforming your life, check out my Empowerment Fundamentals course on my website, houseofgermar.com. Thank you, and I will see you next week with another inspiring guest.