Finding Balance After Addiction with Heather Simco

Heather Simco joins Jeanne Collins to share her remarkable journey from childhood trauma, addiction, and burnout to building a purpose-driven life rooted in balance, faith, and personal growth. 

Together they explore the realities of high achievement, why so many women lose themselves while trying to do it all, and how asking for help becomes the first step toward true transformation. 

Heather discusses overcoming alcoholism, recognizing unhealthy patterns beyond substance abuse, and creating sustainable habits that support mental, physical, and spiritual wellness. 

Heather's Book Recommendations:

Buy Back Your Time and Atomic Habits

More about Heather:

Heather Simco is a transformation coach and founder of Complete Concierge Solutions and Sober Boss Babe. She helps high-achieving women break free from burnout, alcohol, and self-sabotage through mental, physical, and emotional sobriety. With 20+ years in entrepreneurship and over a decade sober, she teaches women how to reclaim their energy, elevate their leadership, and build aligned, high-performance lives and businesses.

https://linktr.ee/heathersimco

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📖 Read Jeanne's Book: Two Feet In: Lessons From an All-In Life
https://a.co/d/7Hyrc8m

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Transcript

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Introducing Heather Simco

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Welcome to Building the Best You, a destination for you to reimagine what is possible in your life and then create it. Welcome to the show, everybody. I'm your host, Jean Collins, and today we have Heather Simcoe on. And she's a transformational coach. She has a super cool background. She has a business. She has a podcast. We're going to be talking about mental, physical, and spiritual health. I am so excited to talk to you. So, Heather, welcome to the show. Thank you. Thank you for having me. Oh, this is great. Now, you have a really cool, inspiring background. And so I definitely want to dig into this a little bit because as a coach, I'm a coach also, I find for myself, I specifically love to coach people that represent the person that I used to be. And I think people are drawn to coaches. And it's very important for people to pick coaches that they can relate to in some capacity, or very often they feel like they can understand where they are in their lives. So could you share a little bit about your background so people can understand you more in depth?

Heather’s Early Life and the Search for Belonging

SPEAKER_00 1:08

It's a long story, but I I've learned how to shorten it.

SPEAKER_01 1:11

There's a lot of ups and downs, more downs, but ups into where I am now. So what's crazy is where I started was I was born and raised in California, all the way in Southwest Florida now. So that's its own journey. But my parents were teenagers when they had me, 16 and 19. They surprisingly got married. It was the 80s, so that was okay. My mom got permission, whatever. Actually, a funny story is she lied that she was pregnant and then actually ended up being pregnant. And so I'm like, hey, careful what you lie about, because here I am. Wow. So funny. So anyway, that didn't last after a couple of years. Obviously, teenage pregnancy or again marriages, it's not headed to long-term success. So that ended within a couple of years. And then my dad ended up getting custody of me. And we're very geographical. So we moved an awful, I probably moved 20 times by the time I was two. I I don't even know. By the time I was four, we moved in with my grandparents, and my dad ended up moved being uh marrying the girl next door. And in doing so, she was 18, and then also ended up shotgun wedding, pregnant down the aisle. I'm like, I look as I look back as an adult, I'm like, dad, really, dad. Like I said, they're their own stories and it's up there. So here I am for uh, you know, I'm so excited because I, you know, I want a family, watch a Brady Bunch. I'm like, great. So like I'm I got this magical dream of, you know, a wholesome family. And unfortunately, that's not how it worked out. I ended up in a cender Cinderella upbringing, the abusive, verbal abuse, not as much physical, but definitely like this, you know, the scars you can't see, but are super deep. And ended up, you know, having a clean second mom, all of that, ended up with another half brother by the time I was 10. So I ended up being mom number two, basically. And my parents were self-employed, my dad owned uh spa repair business. So I grew up in a family that was just self-employed my entire life. And then I was self-employed at 11 because I started babysitting. I was the neighborhood babysitter. It was a babysitter's club, it was my one of my favorite books growing up, and it was like it was like the how-to guide on being babysitter, you know, before there were digital courses or YouTube on how to do it. So that was silver lining in in my in my upbringing. But by the time I hit my freshman year, growing up in this tumultuous upbringing, like, and so many families are like this. Obviously, present the version, don't talk about what happens at home, you know, and just full of lies, fully facades, full of putting a version of ourselves out there that were definitely not true, and just practice lies to kind of protect this dysfunctional version of our family. And by the time I hit ninth grade, super depression came in. I had a really good best friend. She got too close because of the control of flighting people into what was going on in the household. And uh, back in the day when we wrote letters to each other, she went on summer vacation, like before emails kids, like the dark ages. I stupid me. I left a letter out that my friend had mailed to me, and she had said something not so nice about my stepmother, to which, between getting too close and the, you know, obvious not so nice thing that she said, my stepmother said, Yeah, you can no longer be friends with her. So here's somebody who I've let in, I've gotten finally very close to. We were geographical, always moving some in a place long enough that I can have a best friend for more than like a year. And she got ripped away. And so I'm 14, ninth grade, between ninth and tenth grade summer, and I found my first drug of choice, which was food, because you can't tell me what to do, so you can't tell me what to eat. And I needed that release, that escapism. I was so depressed that I ended up gaining like probably 40 or 50 pounds in one summer. So in two months, just you have to seafood diet by saw food, I ate it. So already knowing I felt out of place in, you know, I'm in Silicon Valley. And also the girls, there were girls in my school who were on the magazines, covers of magazines. And so, you know, I come back like in my clueless outfit because that was the hottest movie at the time. Not so, you know, I'm owned five overweight girls, not common back then. And then there were girls on the covers of my magazines. I'm like, could you just put salt in that wound even more? So for me, growing up at that point, the depression, I felt very suicidal at times. My goal was obviously I'm still here. Okay, high school ending is a lot closer than something so drastic and horrible as that other option. And so I focused on school, getting good grades, and getting into college because that was my ticket out of this house. I'm like, that's it. Once I go to college, I'm out, I'm good. And so I managed to do that, gotten to schools in California and in New York, where my stepmother was from, and had the option. We went to visit and went on the plane for the first time at 17, fell in love during the fall, because who can't who doesn't fall in love with the fall? And I never saw those colors in California, they don't exist.

Entrepreneurship, Success, and Hidden Addiction

SPEAKER_01 5:53

So having those options, I wanted to be a school teacher at the time. So we moved cross-country and we land there, and my parents still treat me like I'm in high school, driving me back and forth to school. I'm like, no, I don't even have my own bedroom. And I'm I'm out. So I move into the dorms, homeless, no driver's license, no car. I'm in the dorm, 17 years old, bootstrapping it. I'm like, okay, I gotta figure this out to figure out how to get through college, all those things. And so also I found alcohol because who, you know, it's college. The first solo cup, you know, you move in, cup to a party, here we go. And so with food and now alcohol, you know, the my drugs of choice, alcohol, my behavior wasn't out of the ordinary compared to college kids. It's all very similar. By my second year of college, I started dating my husband, who I'm still with now, almost 30 years. We've been through it all. Congrats. Uh, he was an entrepreneur, uh, owned an MMA gym in the early of late 90s when it's still at that founder inception. People even, I mean, it was illegal to compete in that sport at that time. So he's in like the forefront of this industry. And so I dive in working with him, doing that, or you know, he's helping me get through college. I'm the stable income, he's the entrepreneur. And college ends, my drinking still goes crazy. Everyone else goes into their jobs. I finally put it down just long enough to have my daughter for about four years. And then after four years, I go, oh, you know, I can handle it because I stopped for four years. And no, it picked up right by where I left off, not understanding alcoholism, the disease. My my dad dealt with it growing up, but it was swept under the rug, so I didn't understand what it looked like or what was going on. And so I pick it back up. Crazy circumstances happen. However, the business is extremely successful. We're doing digital, we're doing DVDs and books and all the online stuff that everyone's doing now before was so easy. Like we burned our own DVDs, all of our own art. I shipped everything manually. Like, you know, I know how to write customs label for basically everywhere in the world. And despite my drinking, we were extremely successful. And we worked with a lot of law enforcement who enabled my behavior. Because if they corrected me, they'd have to correct themselves and their students. And so I had this wonderful enabling environment that allowed me to continue my crazy alcoholic behavior. And we got to the point in 2010 where I was able to leave my teaching job. I got to retire. And now I'm not my own boss who's going to fire me. So yeah, you can't tell me what to do. I'm my own boss. And got to spend a lot of time with my daughter, which is awesome, driver school in her first day of school. Like my husband stayed at, he was Mr. Mom the first four years. And now I finally got to do all the home stuff, which was so I'm so blessed to have had that move a couple of years later. I helped build the business so much that we're able to sell part of it and relocate here now to Southwest Florida. We're going to go back and forth. We moved down here in less than a month and I got rear-ended. So it had nothing to do with drinking. Actually, a girl was texting and driving. I she thought it was going to go through yellow light. I stopped. Boom, she hit me. The whole family was in the car, but my knee was on the console and took the entire impact of the girl who rear-ended us. And so here I am, someone who was looking for every title, everything in the world to prove everyone wrong, going from rags to riches, homeless, and proving my stepmother wrong. And I tons of titles on my my resume, Mrs. Newark, and anything I could to kind of validate my value as a human, I put on my resume. And God was like, nope, those are all gone now. You need to ask for help for picking up a piece of water. Like here, I'm like wonderful. Like I love working out. I can lift heavy things, and now I have to ask for help for groceries. I was like, no. So

Rock Bottom, Recovery, and a New Beginning

SPEAKER_01 9:29

he took everything, every tile away from me and really focused me. I had to focus on who I was underneath. And that was my alcoholism. And in Florida, it's really easy to get everywhere. And we're in a vacation town. So 7-Eleven, like, name a place, you can buy it everywhere. I'm like, they sell this at the grocery store. Like in New York, you have to like work to get yourself. It really did. And so having everything taken away from me that I couldn't do anymore, I couldn't work out anymore. All of my other addictions just stopped short to focus on this. And we had everything we could imagine. Semi-retired in our 30s, and we're both depressed. I'm suicidal. I'm like, how in the world do I have literally everything? And I still want to kill myself. And my what my husband couldn't understand it anymore. He'd been dealing with it for years, but we just didn't know what we didn't know. And so we realized maybe we should go to church because he was raised Catholic. I mean agnostic, you know, just kind of we just knew that we needed community. We're like, all right, so we'll go, we found a church, which we are still a part of now. That's part of the end of the story, which is funny. And we go to church for the first time. Two women, we go to an embrace group about sobriety. They go, I've been sober, blah, blah, blah. And either this. Like, I think one was seven years, one was 25. They're not only happy, like they're proud of it, they're happy about it. I'm thinking, you don't say that out loud. You don't say that out loud. And you're not happy about it. Like it blew my mind. I had no idea. But those two women were the first women who I could go to when I just didn't know what to do anymore with my alcoholism. Like, hey, how do you help me stop for a while? And so they brought me to my first recovery meetings. One would be my first sponsor. And it took about a year or so after I met with them before I hit my bottom. I I thought I could put, you know, one foot in, one foot out. I didn't think I was, you know, I qualified necessarily. I'm not one of you. I don't know, try, you know, kept a part of the door open. But when I realized I was certainly an alcoholic was the last day, my last drunk, which was April 30th, 2014, which is now almost 12 years, over 12 years ago, just a little bit. And I couldn't drive past a place that sold alcohol without picking it up. Like I'd done a couple six weeks, two months. Yes, I was drinking and driving, a lot of crazy situations, some of which I will not say, so I don't get myself in trouble. But um, I got home, my husband's my best friend. My daughter, I pulled through all kinds of just traumatic situations and no one would talk to me. Pastor won't pick up the phone. I'm left alone in my room in the middle of the night and just nowhere else to go. I'm like, okay, so I'm miss self-sufficient. I'm I got a girl. I've been putting together and breaking every single chain from teenage pregnancy, everything you can imagine from a broken home. Why, why can't I just do this one thing? And I realized I can't do it alone. And that was the point, April 30th, where I just finally put my face on the floor and asked God, like, I can't do this anymore. Take it from me. Like, just take it. I'm done. And that moment, my miracle happened where the compulsion of drink was completely gone, which is a miracle, especially being in the rooms as long as I have. Not everyone gets that gift. And that was a true turning point in transformation of where I am now, is to have built myself up for basically nothing. During that spiral of alcoholism, the shareholder we brought in sued the comp sued everything between my alcoholism and the accident. The whole everything that we built fell apart, which is yeah, I'm like wonderful. And so now I have to go work part-time. I have to rebuild myself and what I do without alcohol and in my routine at all, whatsoever. And uh, my husband's just scrambling, like we're, you know, we're what we did okay. We semi-retired, but now it's like, now what do we do? The the life we thought we were going to live is now not a reality anymore. And from there, I've had my first recovery job to my second, and now my husband's lead pastor of our church, which is hilarious. He got voluntoled into the worship ministry, and now it just now he's the lead pastor. I do the admin, my daughter does the worship in tech, and but it saved my life. And so part of what we do is bringing in and making sure we have our open door for the people in recovery and finding my voice and finding this transformation of who I am outside of all the titles. Like who's Heather? Is this wave of helping women and the miracles that have happened, helping women no matter what angle they're at, whether it's entrepreneurial ship, transitions, getting sober, um, helping them prevent losing their business because of their drinking. Because you I couldn't fire myself. I could write off alcohol to, you know, to however much I wanted to. It's entertainment. You know, there's always there's a way to write it off to justify it. Yeah. And to now be able to help women, and I've gone through all these transformations now to be a coach, to be able to go out and help women find these, this, this boost to look back, help them prevent the bottom that I had. If they hit the bottom, I know how to bring them back up. But one of my main goals is because I was I got it, I'm self-sufficient, I don't need anyone to help. You know, I ended up burning myself out. I ended up not getting the help that I needed, recognizing the patterns of behavior that were destructive until it was too late. And it was too close. And so now to be able to go out and help women realize you don't have to lose it all, you know, to have to start over again. You can live your life a completely different way and finding balance in their body and their business so that they can maximize it. Because one thing unfortunately I didn't do enough of was enjoy the ride along the way. I didn't know how to stop. I didn't know how to balance my, you know, I've lost myself along the way. Like, yeah, I got the monetary goal basically at the end of it. And then I had nothing of myself left afterward. And so now to have passion, purpose, and paycheck line up, I am so passionate, obviously, about having other women experience those three things together. And to be, I was so guarded for so long from the way that I grew up to now letting women in to empower each other, to to build the network of women that I already have. And even just even on these podcasts and just out in, you know, sticking my head out of the gopher hole of the world of all like you and so many women are finally helping each other out and empowering each other and looking out for each other. And so that's where I've come from from all of this is, you know, just really helping those high-achieving women figure out how to maximize, not lose everything, and finally truly find balance in their lives that they deserve, that we all deserve, but especially, you know, those go-getters, those boss babes. Like you can have you can have it all. It just requires a little more balance. So that's my story. I'm sticking

Why High-Achieving Women Need to Ask for Help

SPEAKER_01 16:06

to it.

SPEAKER_00 16:07

Which is such a beautiful story. And first of all, congratulations on being sober for so long. That is no small feat. That is amazing. So congratulations to you. And I think one thing that I don't want to pass over is how important it became for you to ask for help. And I think so many of the highest human women, the people that you're talking about, whether you're talking about alcoholism, food addiction, emotional or physical abuse, even just abuse in the workplace, learning to ask for help requires us to make ourselves feel vulnerable. And so often, I don't know why, but we've been raised to think that that there should be shame around asking for help because we're supposed to like do it all, you know. Like, you're what do you mean you can't, you know, take care of your kids and work full time and keep your house clean and stay fit and be model beautiful and oh, show up at all the soccer games and home make all the homemade brownies for the soccer team and all this. Oh, and you have a husband who adores you and loves you, and yes, you have a great sex life. It's like none of that is actually real.

SPEAKER_01 17:13

That is the highest expectation women have ever encountered in the history of women. Like that, I was a history major before I became when I was a teacher. And that literally from I and I'm talking to people, women all over the world, Australia. I mean, it is a chronic worldwide problem that we are expected to do the most monumentous amount of work that we've ever expected to. Of course we're burning out.

SPEAKER_00 18:23

Yeah. Oh my gosh. Right. Of course we are. We're burning out, and we don't have enough of the tools to know when to say no. And losing yourself is such a common phenomenon where you just run, run, run, run, run, and then all of a sudden, either your body physically breaks down, which I hear a lot of stories of that happen, that a lot of women reach their bottom because their body just says no more. Like, no more. Something happens, they have an accident, they fought like you. There's an accident or they fall, or all of a sudden they have back pain and they can't even walk, or you know, all of a sudden, I mean, I've had people on here who are now sober who have gotten on and been like, I couldn't go like three hours without drinking, you know? And like, I mean, and it's something has to happen that you get to this light bulb moment. And I love that you're trying to help people before you get to the bottom. And if you get to the bottom, you get to the bottom, and that's okay. You can help them from that point. But if there's a way to stop that and say you don't have to get there to decide to make a choice to have a more fulfilling, more balanced life. It doesn't you don't have to have your bottom because I think there are other women who are like, I'm fine, nothing major's happened yet.

SPEAKER_01 19:33

Well, we have an acronym for that. You're eligible too. It hasn't happened yet. Careful. That's true. Because it's just a matter of time. Yeah. You know, you can only burn both ends of the candle for so long before you're just you're you're done. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 19:48

So how do you find? I'm just curious, the skills that you learn to help you get sober. How are you translating those skills? Because I do love that you talk about coaching women, not just about sobriety, about so many other things that just happens to be a platform that you're very vocal on, which I think is women need that. And men need that too, just people in general need that. But how do you how did you find that you took the skills that you've learned in that journey of getting sober and you know, seen the connection of, oh, that that can work over here? It doesn't have to be just addiction. It could be the addiction could be to the fast-paced life, to the stress, to the other things. So when in this journey did you make that connection?

SPEAKER_01 20:32

Well, I was working with so many women between church and ministry and in recovery locally. And to then when

Breaking Free from More Than Addiction

SPEAKER_01 20:38

you transfer online, I'm sure you've been through this process. When you try and figure out who your avatar, your niche is, that's what I realized. For me, my main main mantra has become you don't have to be an addict to be addicted. And being sober mentally, physically, and emotionally, and what that looks like. It doesn't have to have a stigma. And I think because there's a stigma, and this is what kept me from even acknowledging that I could be an alcoholic. I was afraid of the stigma of alcoholism or addiction. And I certainly have, I was addicted to working out, working. I've same thing, that fast paced life. Like that dopamine hit constantly all the time kept me going until it didn't work anymore. But that transition certainly happened when I finally, I had to go through so much discovery because I put down the drink, then I picked up food. And to have to walk so many people through it and walk myself through all of the transformations, because you have to look at every deep dark corner of your life, at all of them. There's no stone unturned, no cobweb left unswept. And when I started looking at all of my behavior, even up to a couple of years ago, I got addicted to a weight loss like transformation, like um just fitness like the competitions. Like, I've gained the 20 pounds, lose the 20 pounds, gain the 20 pounds. Like, what am I doing? So I a lot of it came in my own reflective behaviors because just because I put down the drink, it opened up so many other things I had to look at. And when I start looking at women in general, especially with how much we have on our plates, they're they're finding coping mechanisms instead of finding good, healthy habits to prevent the coping mechanism so that can become addicting and not even have to be an addict to do it in the first place. And like I said, that's stigma. So when I realized that and had these great epiphanies a couple of years ago, then even going onto an online platform, like this is this is my niche. Like you don't have to be an addict to be addicted. And living a sober life, like eating well, you know, working out well, finding the better balance so that you can be, you know, more efficient. So you're not running yourself ragged. Because I was doing it myself. So that's that's really what happened. I look at my isn't that always the case. I look at myself, I'm like, oh, I figured this out. I gotta, I gotta share it with everyone. Uh, but in recovery, because we dive so, so, so deep, you have to get vulnerable with another. Person, once I finally put myself out there, people like the women just started gravitating asking for help. And it would be arranged. Like, I want to start my own business. See, it can be anything, but because I've been in so many, like I said, those three pages resumes actually it's helped me out now. So I have my, you know, I guess the my hook for the most part. But as far as what I can help with, it's become so broad because I've had to dig so deep personally. And that's what recovery does. You can't make it through this many years without truly, you know, looking at every single evil, dark, and good thing, all the goods, your assets, your liabilities, and really evaluate them and being able to help other people as a result by looking at yourself.

SPEAKER_00 23:26

Yeah. And looking yourself holistically, you know, like you talk on your website, like it's mental, physical, and spiritual. And I have to say, I haven't seen that on a coach's website very often, the way you break out that you really dig into all three of those buckets. And it's, you know, and just like when you think about physical, it's like, okay, people who feel like they have an eating disorder or they struggle with their weight or they struggle with exercise, it's like they keep themselves in the physical bucket. It's like, but there's a whole mental component that ties into whatever's happening physically and even spiritually. Okay. If you don't have a strong physical, a strong spiritual foundation, that is going to impact your mental part. Like it's so tied, and you do a beautiful job on your website of explaining that integration of the three.

SPEAKER_01 24:16

And that's where I stopped running into brick walls basically, because I was, you know, I'm hope, uh, you know, hyper-focused. I'm just going to focus on this and everything will be fine. And then I'm going to focus on, you know, it's like when you get a bad grade in school on like one subject, you focus on that, and then the other ones go down instead of just spending the same amount of time on all of them. And then they all just kind of balance out to the right level. And that's what I found in my own personal journey is every time I hyper focused on one area of my life, the other two fell apart. And once I finally looked at all three, then I was like, oh, these things can stay permanent because I'm treating them all properly. I can manage like being healthy for the sake of being healthy instead of like chasing the next care or the next gold, you know, basically prize out there. And then, like you said, the mental part. Then now I'm only focused on that. Then I'm ignoring my emotions or whatever the case is. Now I'm addicted to that, or I'm ignoring, you know, time with my husband or with my daughter or my work because I'm I'm only focusing on the physical. So having all three of those things that was really the epiphany of my life once I finally put them all together on the even playing field. And the spiritual part comes in so heavily for me, not only because, you know, I'm in church, I'm a pastor's wife now, which I never thought would end up happening, and surrendering to God and in the program, it's it's all spiritually based. And having a connection to some level, and I'm not here at Bible thumb, whatever your spiritual connection is, when you realize that there's something bigger than yourself, it puts you in the right perspective to ask for help, to be humble, to get help from others. We're not supposed to do any of this alone. And those elements, you know, had like they were all in their own compartments when I put all of them into practice. And they always say in the program, practice these principles and all your affairs. And like, again, me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then when I finally did it, I was like, why do you guys have to constantly be right? So now I'm like, now I've just got the megaphone telling it to the rest of the world. Like, you don't have to go to recovery to figure these things out. You can have access to them now. Exactly. So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:21

And someone can sit and hold a container of space for you to help you walk through and to guide

Creating a Personalized Path to Lasting Balance

SPEAKER_00 26:26

you. So your company is called Complete Concierge Solutions. How did that come about and what does that mean?

SPEAKER_01 26:33

Okay, so slight evolution in my journey as a self-employed individual. So I have it was originally a complete concierge business solution because being an entrepreneur, I was doing a lot of admin for companies on the back end so that the main person can focus on what they're good at. Because that's what I did in our own business. My husband was a public figure. I did all the back end so he can kind of focus and grow his profile. And then I do all, you know, the bookkeeping and all the admin on the back end. And so I was like, oh, I'm really good at this. And then I'm like, I'm really tired of being the back end person. I'd like to be the end person. Um I'm tired of doing everyone's pickbooks. Like, I'd like to hire someone else out to do that. As good as it is, it's just my passion landed on being a coach. And so for me, complete concierge solutions is all encompassing because I like the concierge approach. I've I've touched like such high-level stuff that concierge, that one-on-one, that luxury touch, like what makes me the difference. And it then it's all encompassing, you know, complete concierge solutions. We have the solutions for you. So I had the name, I just got to drop off the part I didn't want to do anymore. And now like, great, it all works. It's minus one word. So that's where I am now.

SPEAKER_00 27:43

Yeah. And so you don't in the word of concierge, I'm thinking that's custom, right? So, first of all, it's super personalized, super one-on-one touch from a concierge perspective. So, how do you go about crafting a program for people, given that every program is is going to actually be unique?

SPEAKER_01 28:00

Yeah. I have what's called the balance method. So each letter stands for something, but it's each one of those steps is going to be exclusive to that person, what they are. You know, we begin by just looking at identifying what the problem is. So I have the steps that become concierge, and their steps are going to look very different from someone else. If they have sobriety or they're divorced or whatever their transformation, you know, pain points are at this point, they're going to look very different. And that's where I can customize all those steps to that specific woman, incredibly so, with just my overall steps, kind of like recovery, where it's like it translates to every other addiction. The 12 steps work for, you know, any addiction because there's certain steps. So, same type of thing. So I followed the similar method of having my own steps, but they're customizable to every person. So I have that assessment form. We really dig super deep and what it is that they're looking to accomplish, whatever that is, and we walk through it. And because some people are going to need health and wellness and fitness, and some people I they've got that under control. They need, you know, uh business advice and you know, relationship advice or whatever the case is. So that certainly allows me to make it very customizable per person. And properly so, because one thing I got trapped in is the one size fits all, like all these weight loss playing. It only works when it's customized. And if you're selling the one size fits all, you're just gonna be back at a beginning again because I was too. And you're gonna be looking for the next it's nothing's quick. Unfortunately, it's either bear or bad news, tough love, real things take time. Like good food, everything that is worth anything takes time. And if you should be worth your own time to take time to transition and transform properly, and so that's where that customized element comes in. So, you know, it it's so essential in my world that a cookie cutter program would just never work to actually make things fit and last. Because my goal is I I want you to grow out of me. I don't want you to need me anymore. I want to help graduate you to having the tools that you need to be able to do this. I mean, I'll be happy to coach you forever, but the goal would be you got it at a certain point. We'll just yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:07

Right, sure. A touch base every once in a while is good. So on average, how long do people work with you? And I mean, I know every person's different and every transformation and what people want is different, but is there sort of a let's call it a minimum of amount of time people should consider investing if they want to try to do this kind of work?

SPEAKER_01 30:25

I prefer a year because there's so much that needs to be done and not quickly from my own experience in when working with other women. You have to build one good solid foundation of a habit and then the next one. And one habit takes about 21 days to master before you build on it. You want to make sure that it's solid. Like me going to the gym every morning was never like I'm not a morning person, I don't like getting up that early, but I wake up, I go to the gym. Like it just needs to become part of your natural normal habit. And it takes at least 21 days just for one habit. So for me, my coaching journey with people is a full year so that they can build in the tools. And then wherever they're at, there's enough time afterward to make sure that it sticks. And sometimes other new things pop up. Like once you solve one problem, almost always another problem pops up that it's now you have that time to help alleviate and figure out because that boundary, there's so many other elements that come into play that after all that's done and people see you transform, now you're dealing with boundaries of all the people that are like, wait, I like to do the way that you work. So for me, it's a year minimum of getting them through that is the way that I structure everything.

SPEAKER_00 31:33

And that's not surprising, being that I work in the coaching space. I don't find that surprising at all. And I think I see with a lot of my clients, the more they are changing, the more other things outside of them change. Like their relationships are changing, their friend group ends up changing. Sometimes their environment changes, sometimes they move. It's not to say that they're gonna get divorced, but sometimes that does happen. They realize they're not necessarily with the right person or their relationship with their immediate family members might change. And friendships definitely, I find with all of my clients. And sometimes that's really scary for people when you tell them that that's what you should actually expect, is that as you transform, your friend group will transform as well. How do you handle that? Because I know that's just sort of a fact. It's just what happened.

SPEAKER_01 32:21

Oh, yeah. I've been through that. And so that's where, for me, that's why I have my community of women. So it fills that vacuum while they're building their in-person, you know, tribe and transitioning. The all the women that I've worked with are in my community and they can go in there and support one another and really truly be there for each other because I know I've had that vacuum where it's like, I don't have friends now. Like, what do I do? Because in even in drinking, like the people, people I hung out with before, same thing. They want to continue their behavior and you just you have to make new friends and put up boundaries and all of that. So that's where I help my clients have that transformation of being able to have a vacuum of the at least women that they they know they can reach out to, they know that are positive, that they can hold on to and and help them continue that transformation while they build their their new friend group there or it could be online, whatever that looks like to them. But they can't they have the support system either way.

SPEAKER_00 33:16

Which is so important, I have to say, it's so important because it can be so isolating. Even just spirituality, even if you're just talking about spirituality, you know, people that start to dive into spirituality, it's very common to feel very alone in that journey because it can be uncharted territory for people that have, you know, grown up with either out without a religious belief or without a belief in the universe or even just a higher power or that there's something greater than themselves. And so the spectrum of spirituality is really broad. But sometimes as people start to move into starting to think those things, it can be super lonely when they might be surrounded by people that don't think exactly. Yeah, and then that feeds the Well have I been doing this?

SPEAKER_01 34:03

I'm better off than the way I was before. This is too hard. It's okay. These are just growing pains. We work through this.

SPEAKER_00 34:08

I got you. It is. It is, it is. Well, I love that you have a community because that really helps provide some support for people, which is important. I'm wondering for you personally, you know, we're never stuck. Like we're never, I feel like as coaches, we're never done, you know, like the work is never over. There's always more work, there's more growth. Life is changing. We're in different stages, different ages, different hormones, different everything, like, especially as women, go through all of these hormonal changes in life. And so our lives are constantly changing and shifting, and growth can happen at any point in time. So I wonder for someone like you who's done so much growth work, what are you doing now to help the future you be more evolved than the present you?

SPEAKER_01 34:51

Oh, always growing. I I have my own coach who I meet with regularly as well. Coaches need coaches, find my blind spots. And again, that's

Lifelong Growth, Coaching, and Building Healthy Habits

SPEAKER_01 34:58

what I'm saying. We were joking about a year. When one thing goes down, one thing pops up. And even just building and being a coach in this space, I have to lead by example. And so I'm always okay, because you know, now I'm dealing with hormones, like you said. Perimenopause is fantastic. Where I gained weight, now I can't lose it. I'm like, what is going on? Like, I finally got that down. And then Mother Nature's like, nope, no, no, no. Curveball. Like, ah, it's very frustrating. So for me, it's whenever a problem or pain point hits up, I never go, eh, you know, like forget it. You know, I'm like, okay, how do I solve it? And so that's always an ongoing thing. Because I know we're my daughter's 21, she still lives at home. There'll be a point at which where she will change and evolve. Like, I've gotten so used to there being, I'm almost like, I think if I'm addicted to anything, I'm addicted to evol evolving as a person. I'm like, where else can I improve? There's only so much time. There's only so many podcasts you can listen to. But that's really for me personally, I love having the time in the morning that I plug into the podcast that I like to listen to, any books that I'm listening to, any of that kind of just feeding my own self and having that time personally and turning off the noise is essential. And that's where I can really focus on what it is that I need to work on, whatever that is. It could just be, you know, weight loss or my hormones, or it can be how do I expand my knowledge in this particular area that I don't have any, you know, as much knowledge in, you know, being open to all of that. So yes, every day it's always like, where can I improve?

SPEAKER_00 36:25

So it's kind of the way I've been wired. Yeah. It's it exactly. It's an addict of I consider myself like I'm totally like a personal growth wellness addict. Like I there's just like there's just always more stuff to learn. There it there just is. And technology just keeps moving forward, and there's just always more stuff to learn, and there are always more interesting people to meet and interesting books and interesting podcasts that just make you think about the world differently and think about our connection to people differently. Like, there's just it's a never-ending pool of information.

SPEAKER_01 36:58

Hey, Insta, calm down. I only needed one phone post about this. But there is, I love like I love learning about well, like sugar, inflammation. Like there's so many things out there that even for myself, that if I can help figure out for myself and you know, hack, then I can help transform and help other women. So, you know, I guess it's maybe a dick, it if it's going, if I'm gonna have an addiction, it's a very healthy one of self-improvement to be better for myself and those people around me. Because that's really what I'm helping other women figure out is if I can't take care of myself, like we're always like people pleasers, we want to help other people, but if you're not taking care of yourself, then there's no you left to help anyone else. And that's that's without overcompensating. Yeah, like pendulum swing. Like, forget everyone, it's about me now. But finding that balance of, you know, I hope that it my my husband will be very honest with me. He's he likes the balance of my self-improvement and not neglecting everything else at the same time. Because that's usually that was the previous Heather version, whatever, 10.0 that I'm hopefully accomplishing now of like keeping that all in in good perspective instead of like, you know, new vitamins, whatever, new program, you know, whatever's out there. But learning and deciphering it properly. Yeah, finding balance is super important.

SPEAKER_00 38:11

All right. So before we run out of time, for someone who's listening to this, if this just sort of piques their interest, but they're like, I don't know that I'm ready to commit a year to something like this, you know, maybe it's a little icky or a little bit scary, but yet someone sees parts of themselves in your story and what you've talked about. What is something or a few things that someone might try to do in the short term before they do the really deep work?

SPEAKER_01 38:40

Yeah, a lot of it is self-reflection. Cause in for me, I've, you know, paying for coaching programs, it is scary. But I've invested in like so many things that get dusty on the shelves that aren't me. And so I would say to a woman, you are worth investing in yourself. You know, skip the handbag this year. Because I have planned, you can borrow one of mine for the year. Uh, but but uh what I would say is if you don't think you're quite ready yet, then I always ask them, okay, look at your your life for one week. Like look at where you're spending all of your time. Because if they if their interest is peaked, then there's something clearly off that they know they need to change. Because I was the same way. I just didn't want to say it out loud yet. And figure out what that is. If you already do know, great. If you don't, look at a week, take an inventory of all the things that you're doing for a week and where you're spending your time, the money, all those things, like where is that all going to? And then whatever is at the highest amount, take another week and try and live without it. Yeah. Do you own it or does it own you? And that's the point at which our work begins, because that thing you can't live without can destroy everything that you have. And I wish I had someone tell me early enough that if I had gotten, if I if I had gotten sober so much earlier, how much further I would be. I mean, I'm pretty, I'm very blessed in where I am. But if someone had said, yeah, why don't you look at that and then get back to me and then we'll talk. And then, you know, I've done so many other things in a year, especially as we get older, so it actually feels long, but it's actually very fast. We're already, we're in June. We're halfway through the year already. It's insane. It's crazy. So, really, what is a year in the spectrum of your entire life? And so it's something you can do is kind of identify it and then let's talk. And for me personally, you know, it's almost like the progressive commercial. If I can't help you, I have such an amazing network of women I've met that I will find someone who has a right fit for you so that you get that coaching, that help, because everyone deserves to be the best version of themselves. And I I would not want to be the one to hinder someone's growth if we weren't a good fit, but to be able to find somebody that helps them get to where they are. Because if they're asking that question, then you need it. And it's time to to, you know, redevelop, redirect, and and really finally put yourself on the front burner instead of the back burner so you don't burn out.

SPEAKER_00 40:58

Yeah. Well, and I always say to people, it's like if it piques your interest a little bit or there's a little bit of a nudge, that normally means something. That's normally your intuition. And I say that with podcasts and books and you know, emails and all of that. And the more you can get comfortable with the unknown, but recognize that nudge is there for a reason. And it doesn't mean that you have to jump off the cliff. It just means maybe just do a little digging, maybe do a little investigating. Why is there that nudge? Why does why does that make me feel uncomfortable? Why do I keep seeing this thing? Huh? Why does that work? Like, you know, those things are happening for a reason.

SPEAKER_01 41:39

I have ads out there, and one person's like, why is this in my news feed? I don't know. The algorithm apparently thinks you need me. Yes. The bots have gone pretty smart. So if I'm showing up, it's for a reason. I didn't ask to be in the newsfeed. Right. Like, why are you showing up? I don't know. Maybe you have a drinking problem.

SPEAKER_00 42:01

So it's so true. And learning to tap into your intuition, I think, for growth in general is so important. So important. So, and thank you for the actual tip of what people can do. I think that's I'd never heard anyone say that. So I like that, those steps. So is there anything that I didn't cover? I mean, you and I could talk for a long time, but is there anything at a high level that I didn't cover that you want to make sure we communicate to the audience and talk about? And just I will put everything in the show notes for them. They can find you, they can go to your website, your LinkedIn, they can, you know, find you on all of the platforms. But did we miss anything?

SPEAKER_01 42:31

That's pretty much it. The other thing, and the dates might move that I'm really my next part of this passion project is a retreat. And because I'm in, I'm in Naples. We are in the vacation town. It's so gorgeous here. So I'm working on a retreat that allows, again, you're where do you find new friends? Here's where you find women who are all going through these changes. They might look a little different exteriorly, but internally we're all making, you know, doing those transformations and really finding those connections. So that's been really important. So I have a wait list email list for for that to start gaining, you know, who, how many women I'm interested in coming. And I also have my reset course that you can go through. All will all be in the LinkedIn in the link tree. But that's something that even if you can't pay for me for a year, that's something that you can plug into and really just do that initial deep diving that will get you somewhere very far, very quickly, much faster than a year. And then we can figure everything else out from there. But those are some of the main things. Oh, and uh busy me. Also working on my book for the sober boss bay blueprint. So I'm trying to get that out by the end of July. So those are some of the things in the work on the back end that very exciting and keep moving forward. So good for you. And you also started a podcast recently, too. I did. Yeah, um, I it's been a little bit funny to say back burner because I've been on so many other ones. I've been invited. I had to carve time back out to be like, okay, I gotta focus on mine. And I have so many notes. I have some great titles coming up, so stay tuned. There's a lot of stuff to come. Yeah. Say the least.

SPEAKER_00 43:59

Good. Well, and everyone can get to that from your website. So thank you. All right. My last question for you. I love to ask

Book Recommendations Including Buy Back Your Time and Atomic Habits

SPEAKER_00 44:05

my guests to recommend a book that has impacted you personally or professionally. Sometimes it's books because people can't choose one. But if there was something that the audience should read or listen to as an audio, what would you like to recommend? Two, actually. Great.

SPEAKER_01 44:19

One is Dan Martell, buy back your time, especially as businesswomen, learning how to delegate and ask for help. So what to delegate out. So that one has been pivotal. Anatomic habits. So those two have been very pivotal in especially the newer growth. You know, we could say, like, you know, the big book and whatnot, the Bible. That's that's almost un of course. But those two are very pivotal as far as whether it's personal or professional growth that everyone can benefit from in area, every area of their life.

SPEAKER_00 44:47

So every area. And at any age, my daughter's read Atomic Habits, you know, she's 20. So yeah,

Closing Thoughts on Worthiness, Balance, and Transformation

SPEAKER_00 44:54

anyone. And I find books like that. I love Atomic Habits. I find books like that. You can read them again at different times in your life and take away something different. The best ones do. The best ones do. Yes. So thank you for those. Well, Heather, it's been such a pleasure to meet you. Congratulations again on your sobriety and on taking your journey and really trying to help women find themselves and live better lives. A mind, body, spirit. I think holistic, looking at women as holistic beings and also helping them feel that they are worthy for that journey for themselves and worthy of that care and love of themselves is so important. So I thank you so much for being a guest. I'm definitely going to follow you. We'll stay connected, and I'll put everything in the show notes for everybody so they can reach out and find you. Thank you. We'll stay in touch. Thank you for joining us for this week's episode of Building the Best You. If you are ready to take a deeper dive into transforming your life, check out my Empowerment Fundamentals course on my website, houseofgermar.com. Thank you, and I will see you next week with another inspiring guest.