Insights from the Couch - Mental Health at Midlife

Ep.23: Amplifying your Career with Business Etiquette Expert Jacqueline Whitmore

• Colette Fehr, Laura Bowman • Season 2 • Episode 23

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Hey, everyone! Welcome back to another episode of Insights from the Couch! We are thrilled to have the incredible Jacqueline Whitmore with us today. Jacqueline is America’s foremost etiquette expert, author, and certified speaking professional. In this episode, we explore the importance of professional presence, intentionality in your career, and how to navigate pivotal transitions. Jacqueline shares her journey from hospitality marketing to becoming a leading voice in etiquette, offering valuable insights on building confidence, developing your personal brand, and mastering the art of making others feel comfortable. Tune in for a conversation that is as enlightening as it is empowering!

 

Episode Highlights:
[0:00] - Welcome and introduction of guest Jacqueline Whitmore, etiquette expert and author. 
[1:11] - Professional success must be intentional. Jacqueline shares why. 
[3:50] - The importance of planning and setting goals, especially for women moving into leadership roles. 
[5:48] - Defining etiquette and why it’s about making others feel comfortable, not just manners. [8:10] - Transitioning careers and how to take those first steps, including finding a mentor and continuing education. 
[12:01] - Building confidence through trial and error, and why failure doesn’t define you. 
[16:00] - The challenges women face with confidence, especially in high-paying jobs and leadership roles. 
[19:24] - Communicating assertively while staying poised and maintaining professionalism. 
[25:12] - How to control your emotions in high-pressure situations and become a respected leader. 
[30:12] - Breaking out of your comfort zone: Why you need to challenge yourself to grow. 
[31:20] - Acknowledging the importance of mentorship and relationship-building in your career. [34:49] - Networking tips: How introverts and ambiverts can excel at making meaningful connections. 
[38:38] - Final reflections on living "above the line" with intentionality in your professional life.

 

Resources:
Jacqueline Whitmore’s website: https://etiquetteexpert.com/

For more on this topic visit our website insightsfromthecouch.org If you have questions please email us at info@insightsfromthecouch.org we would love to hear from you!

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Colette Fehr:

Music. Welcome back. I'm so excited today we're going to be talking about professional success in your next chapter, and we have such a fabulous guest with us, Jacqueline Whitmore, who is America's foremost etiquette expert, author and certified speaking professional. She's also the founder of the protocol School of Palm Beach, a company specializing in professional presence, image management and business etiquette. Jacqueline has written two best selling books business class, etiquette, essentials for success at work and poised for success, mastering the four qualities that distinguish outstanding professional she's a popular guest on radio and TV, and has been featured and quoted in hundreds of national and international media outlets, including the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal USA Today, Business, insider, time fortune, Fox News and CNN, wow, how amazing. We're so excited to have you. Jacqueline, thank you for being here.

Jacqueline Whitmore:

Oh, it's my pleasure. Thank you, Colette and Laura,

Laura Bowman:

yeah, so let's just like kick it off. I want to talk about one of the things that really jumped out at me in your book, poised for success. I love this line, and I'm just going to start off with it, where you write professional success rarely, if ever, happens by accident. It must be intentional. I needed to hear that. I mean, I have people who just are like, they have a real hard time like marketing themselves or putting themselves out there, or realizing that if you're going to be successful at a career, it's got to be intentional. So tell us, like, what do you see as the issues women are facing in more rear Well,

Jacqueline Whitmore:

thank you for that question. And I think everything in life must be intentional, whether you're starting a new diet, or you're trying to better yourself, or you're trying to get a promotion, you have to have a plan. And I think a lot of us just walk around without a plan. We are on autopilot, and I call that when you are operating below the line, and those people who operate above the line are the ones who are more aware of what they would like to do. Not only that, they not only set goals, but they set markers to reach those goals. So it's one thing to have goals, which we all usually do. But what are we doing to implement those goals? And one of the things that I do is I work with women and men in my business to help them achieve those goals by coming up with a plan. So for example, let's say a woman who is getting ready to move into the C suite. She has worked for an organization for many, many years, and she's worked behind the scenes, and she's done extremely well, and now the board of directors have recognized her efforts and her dedication, and now they want to make her the face of this organization. So this is a person who has never updated her wardrobe. She has never spoken to an audience in public, and so what I do is I work with people like that who are getting to getting ready to make a big transition in their career, and that's just one example.

Colette Fehr:

Yeah, and the same thing applies what you're saying to somebody who's starting her own business. You have to wear so many hats and put yourself into situations that you might not even know what you don't know until you're on the spot and out there in either of those scenarios.

Jacqueline Whitmore:

Well, especially if you're going to start your own business, because you have to put yourself out there. You have to join clubs and organizations. You have to learn how to network and connect with people and build your social media platform and market yourself, because it doesn't matter what you're selling at the end of the day, you are selling yourself. We all have personal brands, and it's not something you put on in the morning and take off in the evening. Is something we carry around with us at all times. It is a personal brand, in my opinion, is what it's, it's what people say about us after we leave the room. It's, it's the impression that we leave. So one of the things that I do is I work with people of all ages to help them polish their purpose. Personal brand and to make a good first impression, whether it be through body language or how they come across in an email because email etiquette is huge right now, how they dress, how they interact with others, and it's the impression that you leave. And etiquette really is the definition of etiquette, in my opinion, is it's the art of making others feel comfortable. It's not just about knives of works. Of course, that's part of etiquette, but business etiquette is so much more. It is really again, having a plan, knowing how to implement that plan, and putting your best face forward, so that you are not only making yourself look good, but you're also making other people look good.

Laura Bowman:

I love that. Yeah, others feel comfortable. I've never heard it put that way.

Jacqueline Whitmore:

Yeah, it's really quite simple. I mean, there's a difference between manners and etiquette. Manners. Hopefully we all grew up with some manners, learning how to say please and thank you. These are the types of skills that we teach our children, to look people in the eye and to acknowledge people. Those are that's basic manners. That's something that we do unconsciously, right? However, etiquette is something that we have to think about, it's being mindful and aware of how our behavior affects other people. These are things that require a lot of thought and planning and in terms of etiquette, this is what etiquette really is. It's putting a lot of thought into what we do.

Laura Bowman:

Are you finding that women come to you because they know they need this, or they've made a transgression, or they realize that they are just woefully out of their depth at some point. I

Jacqueline Whitmore:

mean, it what like as I'm just realizing the level of intentionality that real success takes. So I mean, how do most people find you, and at what point are they at? Well, I mean, that's, that's kind of a broad question, because you've got the the group of people who find me through the internet. Thank goodness for search engines like Google, yeah, because they'll find me through a search engine or social media, or they've been following me through my newsletter for years and years, or my best client is one who has been recommended to me because there's already that trust factor. They already believe and trust me based on a recommendation from a friend or a colleague. So I get different people from different levels, but mainly I work with corporations. So I don't do a lot of one on one coaching, although I have, over the years, I've been in business 25 years. My main focus is to work with groups of people, like your big fortune, 500 companies, where I will go in and I'll work with a group of sales managers or wealth managers or or people who have that face to face client contact.

Colette Fehr:

So we've got listeners who may be pivoting out of a career where they were in the background for whatever reason, into something new, where they're starting their own thing. Or some women who have been focused on raising kids for years and now they're facing or in empty nest, and they're saying, Okay, what am I passionate about that I could turn into a business, and how do I even begin? What do you think are some of the most important things for women in these scenarios to focus on. Some people don't know where to begin or what to work on,

Jacqueline Whitmore:

right? They don't and I see a lot of women in my age range who are, I don't know if I would call it starting over, but they are thinking about doing something more fulfilling in their lives, perhaps they worked for a company or an organization for 25 years, and they're just sick and tired of being sick and tired. They feel like I would really like to do something where I help other people, where I wake up at each morning and I'm excited. And then you've got the second group that you mentioned it might be the women who have raised children, who have had families, and they're now getting ready to either go into the workforce or start their own company. So where do you start? I mean, that is so difficult because there is no roadmap out there. There's nothing that I'm aware of that says, Okay, now that you're ready, it's time to do this or this or this. There are really no steps. So what I would recommend is that you find a mentor, you find someone who you believe, like and trust and admire. Who is doing what you would like to do, and you can ask that person, would you mentor me? Or may I work for you, or may I volunteer for you or intern with you. But I really need to get some real world experience, and I want to do it with someone who has a BLT factor, BLT meeting, believe, like and trust. So I think a mentor is so, so very important. The other thing is, school is never out. Earners are learners. Education is everything, read everything you can get your hands on, ask questions, align yourself with organizations that cater to the the profession that you'd like to go into, asking a lot of questions, getting the education is just valuable. I mean, if there's a certification that you can get, go after that as well, because that's not only going to give you the credibility, but it's also going to give you the consonance, yeah, I love the competence factor. I I'm, I'm working with women on the other end of the spectrum who have, are just dealing with, like, a crisis of confidence. You know, they have, they have passions, they have ideas, but putting themselves out there is terrifying, and there's a lot of imposter syndrome of, like, who am I to do this? You know, I can't put myself. I couldn't possibly market myself. That feels very, very phony. So I love what you're saying about like, get this believability going, get out there and join things and network and learn. Like, there can be this whole process, this whole season of just laying a foundation down, of get and is that what I mean? I'm sure you're not working with that woman.

Laura Bowman:

But do you ever run into the wall of like, there's no reason that these people can activate, but that's just the confidence piece. And how do you deal with the confidence piece.

Jacqueline Whitmore:

Well, confidence is everything, every everything, and the only way I think we can gain confidence is by trial and error. Yeah. And in other words, if I have to go to a networking event and I'm not going to know anyone in the room, I need to learn to make conversation with strangers. I need to put myself out there, and a lot of it, too, is putting yourself in situations that you might not ordinarily feel comfortable in and don't be afraid of failing, because failing doesn't mean you're a failure. It just means, oh, I tried something. It didn't work for me. Now I'll learn from it and try something else. So confidence is something that you you're not born with. It's something that you acquire over many years and and it requires practice. And what I'm finding too, and Lori, you might be able to relate to this. In your practice, there are a group of women who work for companies, and they're being paid very well, but they want to leave because they feel unfulfilled. They feel kind of like the golden handcuffs you've heard that saying, and they don't feel like they're being recognized. They don't, they're, they're being pulled in many different directions. So they're multitasking and doing the job of six or seven people, but they're, they're stuck. They don't feel like they can leave that job because they're getting paid so well and they're providing for their family, maybe they are the main breadwinner. So what happens, I think, to a person like that is, internally, they tend to wilt like a flower. It doesn't matter how much they're being paid. What is happening is their true worth isn't being acknowledged, and so inside, on the outside, they could appear to be radiant, however, on the inside, they're dying. Something inside is dying because they're not being fulfilled, and they're afraid to leave, and that is shattering their confidence as well. So one day when they if and when they do, decide to leave, then they're still starting at zero because they're they're having to rebuild their confidence again and to rebrand themselves, redefine their their worth and their value, because they have not had that for so long. It's

Colette Fehr:

an excellent point, because they're on so many levels, because there are women out there making a lot of money who look and seem like they have it all, but they may still have a crisis of confidence internally. And then you've got women who haven't been out there at all, and they doubt the. Themselves, and they're not sure if they're in a position to really speak to something or do it if they're good enough. The imposter syndrome. There's so many ways that we can be undermined by lack of confidence. But I also really love what you're saying about don't be afraid to fail, and it doesn't make you a failure, because I think confidence comes from going out and failing and seeing that you can fail and it's okay, but the idea of pulling yourself back up again and that that's part of the process, and I think that's really how you build your confidence muscle is seeing that it's okay to mess up, that's how you learn and thrive. Absolutely, yeah, yeah, so. And I think that's such a big piece of this, for women who are listening, no matter what their career is, that we can really struggle with confidence, I think, more than men, even unqualified, ridiculous men who have no business having confidence, have confidence sometimes, right?

Jacqueline Whitmore:

And I'm sure in your couples practice Colette, you have encountered women who might be very strong in their careers. However, when it comes to a relationship, they tend to be the weaker link, not not necessarily by choice. However, they don't necessarily know how to communicate their needs and their wants and their their values. And the same thing happens in the business world. Well, I'll just speak to the female audience right now. We need to learn how to communicate what we want and what we need and what we desire. And one of the things that I tell my clients is, why don't you keep track of your accomplishments? Why aren't you tooting your own horn? Because if you don't toot your own horn, no one is going to do it for you. You have to accept that you are brilliant and you're amazing and you're talented, and you have earned the right to be strong and outspoken. I'm not saying be rude. I'm just saying that you don't have to walk around being fearful at a certain age. You're just like, You know what? This is, who I am, and I've earned the right to be this way, where, whereas some women are still afraid to share what's on their mind, what's on their heart, and it's sad, yeah,

Colette Fehr:

I just saw this research. I just want to mention real fast, because it's, I think it's a very important point. I do see it in couples, and it makes sense that it's in business. And I think as women, we have to unhook ourselves. I'm not saying it's easy, but from the reaction and the response we receive. Because the research I'm referring to is that men, now in today's world, are actually rewarded if they show their tender side. You know, it used to be men don't cry, but now, Oh, they're so evolved, and they're so in touch with their emotions. And then when men are dicks, let's just say, for lack of a more professional term, they're seen as powerful leaders, right? Those are the people that we want to run the company. Be strong, assertive, even potentially aggressive man. So men are rewarded today for showing both traits. Women, the research showed, are still penalized at work and at home when we're not nice, good girls, if we show too much emotion, then we're seen as hysterical, which the word hysterical goes back to the womb in Greek times, right? It's a female phenomenon that was used to subjugate women those terms. And if we're strong and assertive, like whatever your political opinions, like, going back to when Hillary Clinton ran for president, right? Anytime she was powerful and went after something you she's a bitch. She's a women are put down. So we are not necessarily going to be well received. However, I think we can't let that stop us. We do have to speak. We can find the assertive middle ground where we're self possessed and clear and confident and poised, but we have to speak our truth and ask for what we want and toot our own words, even if other people are going to call us derogatory term,

Jacqueline Whitmore:

I agree. And what I try to teach women is it's not necessarily what you say it's how you say it. It is really how you say it. And what most women don't realize is there is power in the pause. So instead of reacting, there's power. When you stop, you think you analyze. You might even have to take a break and step away and analyze what just happened. And then after you've given it some thought, then you can go back. Back to the situation and say, you know, I've been thinking about this the way that you said that did not resonate with me. This is how I perceive that, or this is how it made me feel, or something like that. I'm just giving you a broad example. But I think what's important to realize in the world of etiquette, it's not being a doormat at all. I don't ever advocate anyone being a doormat, but what I do advocate is that you think above the line and that you be intentional. You be intentional with the way you communicate. And I know both of you see that in your practices, especially when you're working with a couple, what happens when couples get angry is their emotions take over. As you know, I'm not telling you anything you don't know, and they're now operating on a totally different level, whereas when you're on an intentional level, and you're thinking more with your intellect, which is very difficult to do by the way you you're able to approach problems in a different way, and that's how things get resolved. It's not by being the B word, it is being able to control your emotions in a way where it works for your advantage. And you know, putting your your purse, sometimes putting your personal emotions on the shelf for a while, and analyzing what just happened,

Colette Fehr:

yeah, and finding that middle ground where you're really communicating from your best self, your adult self, your wisest self, where you're able to integrate what you know intellectually, to have perspective on the situation, especially in business, right? Because it's not personal at the end of the day, but that you also acknowledge and allow your emotions and take the messages from them without letting them come out in a reactive way. It's the same thing that couples have to do that we I think it's our greatest lesson in life as people, that emotional maturity, but not letting yourself be silenced. Even in the business world,

Laura Bowman:

one of the things that I say to people all the time, and it's probably the majority of the work we do, is you can say whatever you want to say, you just have to say it in a way other people can hear it, because if you shut your audience down, then your message is lost. So so much of the work is, how do I communicate what I'm feeling and what I'm experiencing, or what I need in a way that the other person can actually receive it exactly? And that's what we really need to learn to do in business as well. And it's

Colette Fehr:

Yeah, and you know, even more so not to get into couples therapy. But

Jacqueline Whitmore:

I think an important piece too, is that would apply to business is that you want to say it in the way that gives you the best chance of being her, but you have no control over your audience, and so sometimes when you're putting your best foot forward, it's still not going to land, and that's okay. You've done your part to show up in a way you're proud of, with integrity and assertiveness and clarity, and then you let the chips fall where they will. But too many people are reactive or suppressing, and that's really important to understand, is that it's best not to react if you can, I don't. And then the other thing is, when you were saying that, it made me think of some situations where people will come to me and say, Well, he was rude to me and I didn't like the way he spoke to me or she spoke to me. You cannot control the behavior of others. All you can control is how you behave to others, and that's that. That's a biggest difference, and that's really hard for some people, because they we like control. Who doesn't like control? Yeah, but when someone else acts or reacts in a way that doesn't please us, then we tend to react to their behavior, and then we don't become our best selves, because it's like fire feeding fire. I think the best leaders, men and women, are the ones. I call it gravitas, the ones who can remain composed in the most pressure filled situations. And it's not that they are not worrying. It's like a duck. You know a duck, when the duck is swimming, it's calm, cool and collected on the top, but what's happening underneath the water? His little feet are just going like, that's the way we all should be. I mean, we should never. Stop thinking and analyzing, but on the surface with if you're doing like the ducks doing, and you appear calm, cool, collected, people will respect you more for that you

Colette Fehr:

are. So Right? That's Captain Sully. I always talk about this with Laura, that like he is my perfect man, right? Just the captain who landed the plane as it was nose diving, hit by a flock of birds, saved everyone and did it all without breaking the sweat. You know, I think there are people with those leadership qualities. And I'm giggling, because this is why I'm never really going to be a leader. You know, I think I'm just too Italian for that or something. And I think I have other good qualities, fortunately, but really in business, and this is where it's a little bit different. I think there's value in showing some vulnerability of being a human. But at the end of the day, this is not your romantic relationship. These are not your attachment figures. There is a degree of appropriateness and decorum while you're still honoring yourself that has to be maintained in a professional setting. Absolutely. You

Jacqueline Whitmore:

mentioned a good point. You said honoring yourself. I say respecting yourself, which is about the same thing and you have to respect yourself in order to respect other people. And if you don't have any respect for yourself, I use, I'll give you a very easy example that I use in some of my management development programs. I try to do a segment on image management, which is what we wear now, 25 years ago, I could tell women to always have a little black dress and wear, you know, don't have, don't have short skirts at high two inches higher than your knee. Blah, blah. Those days are over. Yeah, they really are so true. I can't, I can't go into an organization now and tell people what to wear unless, of course, the company has some sort of policy in place. But I digress. But what I try to teach my clients is you dress for the client's comfort, not necessarily your own. So you two are working in a very professional capacity. So if you walked into your practice in front of your clients in Ugg boots and Lululemon workout wear, you would not be taken as seriously as if you showed up wearing even business casual nice outfit, because you are dressing for your clients comfort, not your own. You're dressing to play. You're playing a part. And so that's one very simple example that I teach my clients is it's not all about you, it's about how others perceive you and how you make them feel in your presence.

Colette Fehr:

Human beings the way the mind works, we form snap judgments. It's not about being judgmental. It is just the way human beings are programmed. We make a judgment about somebody in less than a 10th of a second. So when you make those first impressions, being on time, making eye contact, dressing professionally, that does a huge service or disservice to you. Right from the jump, in terms of how somebody's going to perceive you and want to engage with you. Would you agree with that? Oh,

Jacqueline Whitmore:

absolutely. It's everything from your body language to your tone of voice. I call it the three V's, verbal, vocal and visual. 55% of how we are perceived is non verbal. That's our handshake, our eye contact, our posture, how we walk into a row. 55%

Laura Bowman:

what's occurring to me, as we're talking about living above the line, you know, getting from like that default, not paying attention, not having a plan, not being intentional, to really getting there, is that there's so much to think about and that we all, I know for me, there are certain areas that come very naturally, and then there are certain areas that I really struggle with. And I tend to, I'll just speak for myself on this is that I tend to like double down on the areas that are are easy to me, or that have come easily to me in the past. So for example, like, I'll go get more education in the heartbeat another certificate I'm like, all for that. I can present myself, right? But some of the things that are scary are like, we're doing public speaking right now, you know, and developing those skills. And so sometimes I feel like women have this thing where it's like they are always returning to I need to just, I need to refine the package. Much, or I need to get more education, whereas what women really need to be doing is, like, reaching outside that comfort zone. So wherever you tend not to go is, like where you need to start

Jacqueline Whitmore:

going? Yes, and there's, there's a good point in that. It's called analysis paralysis. Yeah, I'll do this. When I'll do this. I'll do this when, well, when is when, when is not on the calendar someday is not in day of the week, so they won't eat until, okay, the perfect situation. I will start this new business when I lose 20 pounds, or when my kids are gone, or when I get this certificate, I mean, it's just excuse after excuse after excuse, instead of just jumping into the fire and saying, I will figure it out. Yeah, I'm these men to figure out a little girl, you know? I'll figure it out. I'll just aim my fee, and then I'll figure it out.

Colette Fehr:

That's where growth is, those people grow. The figure, outer the figure, outers grow. Yeah, the risk taker, yeah. Risk takers who are willing to fail get out there. And yes, there's a lot to think about, but I think what we're all saying is think about these things as you go. It doesn't have to be perfect before you start. Just start.

Jacqueline Whitmore:

And I'll add to that, if someone does help you, and they do mentor you, or they do give you a piece of advice, and you take it and it works for you, be sure to acknowledge that person, because sometimes we leave people in the dark, and they never know if they made an impact on your life. And the greatest thing you can do for that person is to write them a thank you note or give them a phone call or send them an email saying, you know, that piece of advice you gave me, it worked, and I got that contract, I got that job offer, and that's the missing piece. I think that I teach is the follow up. When I talk about professional presence and business etiquette. To me, it's also about relationship building and nurturing those relationships, because as we get older, our friendship base kind of dwindles when we're young, when we're children, we have a lot of friends because we're in clubs and we're doing all kinds of things, but when we get older, and especially if we tend to isolate ourselves and we've been raising kids for 20 years or we've been stuck in a cubicle for 20 years, our relationships tend to dwindle, and it's harder to form relationships, I Think, as we get older, so never stop

Colette Fehr:

trying to connect with other people, yeah, and make it a habit, right? Because you don't know who is going to be someone that you might get help from, or you might be able to help. And then beyond that, it feels good to connect with people and be kind to everyone. You know, if you're moving through the world every day, connecting with people more regularly, being kind, being present, then that muscle is well developed, and you don't have to turn it on and off in business scenarios. And it pays off, both emotionally and in terms of your own professional success,

Jacqueline Whitmore:

I think, over the long term, absolutely and you don't have to be the most outgoing person in the room. You don't have to be an extrovert. In fact, many of us are introverts and most of us are ambiverts. An ambivert is someone who is neither an introvert or an extrovert. They adapt to the situation based on the situation they they're they almost have a chameleon personality, and they can go into a room do what they have to do, mix and mingle, but then they need that downtime at home or in their hotel room to watch Netflix or read a book or take a bath and to recharge their battery and decompress, and that's the majority of us. And so anyone who tells you that only extroverts can succeed is absolutely wrong, because I believe introverts and ambiverts are some of the best networkers, because you're concentrating on small amounts of people. Maybe it's that one person in the corner who is shy, and you walk up to that person, you might say, Is this seat taken, and you have a fabulous conversation with that one person. You don't have to meet everybody in the room, maybe you met that one person who could change your life, and it's all because you reached out and you made the effort, right?

Colette Fehr:

This is so helpful. So Jacqueline, as we wrap up, is there anything else that we didn't cover that you think is really important for our listener to know? And take away today,

Jacqueline Whitmore:

I would just say that when you're out there, putting yourself out there, one of the easiest ways to form a connection with people is to find a commonality with that person. And I teach my clients to ask open ended questions. Now open ended meaning, if I said, What's your favorite color, you might say blue. That's close ended. If I say, Well, tell me, why do you love the color blue, and when was a time that blue made you feel special? Then that's an open ended question. And then what you do is you sit back and you listen to that person, and you ask questions, the conversation is like a tennis match. It should go back and forth, and it's not about me, me, me. We know those people. Well, no, those people. All know those people. One of the things that I try to teach my clients is is conversation skills. Tell me more, yeah, oh, tell me more about that. And when you get to the heart of the person, that one thing that makes that person's heart sing, then it opens up a whole new conversation, and people will remember you more by the stories you tell and also by the stories you tell others. And so I would just say when you're out there, it's not about volume, it's not about quantity. It's really about quantity, and having those heart to heart, like minded conversations with people and asking people what, what they enjoy, you know, what they care about, what they care about? Yes, it has. That's

Laura Bowman:

what we do all day. So sometimes, whatever it is, you know, some people will favor one, you know, like listening versus talking. We all have to develop those other skills, yeah, you know, like, if I tend to listen and hold space for people, I have to be putting myself into the room more, and vice versa. We have

Jacqueline Whitmore:

to realize that every time we go into a situation, we're bringing either positive or negative energy into it. And I'm sure in your practices, you especially in the couple's practice, you can be sitting in your living room, and your spouse can walk in from work, and you can tell if he or she has had a bad day just by not even what they say, but it's their energy, because you know that person so well with the same thing happens in the workforce. If you walk into a business meeting and you have negative energy, your whole team feels it. And what happens? They tense up, and then they anticipate the worst, and then they can't do their best because you're the toxic person in that room. Yeah, there are ways to shift and undo that. And it all starts. I mean, we could get into this. This may be another time, another conversation, but it all starts with the morning, your morning routine, and how you wake up and when you wake up and what, what's the first thing you do in the morning to set the tone for that day?

Colette Fehr:

Well, we'll have to have you back, because there's so much more. I feel like we could talk all day about so many different apps, such

Laura Bowman:

a vast topic. I and I will definitely, I think I will walk around now thinking to myself, am I functioning below the line, or am I above the line? I really am going to be thinking very mindfully about that

Colette Fehr:

she's living above the line,

Jacqueline Whitmore:

absolutely above the line.

Colette Fehr:

Oh my gosh. Jacqueline, this has been so wonderful. Thank you so much for being here and to our listeners, please feel free to email us with questions to insights from the couch.org. You can check our website for a download the takeaways to accompany this episode and links to Jacqueline's fabulous book. Yep, and we hope to have you back in the future. Oh, thank

Jacqueline Whitmore:

you so much. I would love to come back. And for anyone who's interested in learning more, they can just go to my website, which is etiquetxpert.com and I have a free newsletter. And there's lots of great information on my website,

Colette Fehr:

yeah, lots of valuable resources there. We'll be checking it out too. Jacqueline,

Jacqueline Whitmore:

thank you. Thank

Laura Bowman:

you for joining us today.

Colette Fehr:

Hope to see you here again soon. You.