Ep.27: Minisode: Holiday Stress and Random Musings

The holiday season is here, and with it comes a whirlwind of emotions, from joy to exhaustion. In this episode, we share our personal takes on navigating holiday stress, family dynamics, and the pressure to meet societal expectations. Fresh off our podcast trip to Delray Beach, Florida, we reflect on the importance of bite-sized joy, balancing traditions, and the struggles of managing festive obligations. If you're feeling the weight of the season, this conversation will resonate deeply. Join us as we unpack everything from decorating woes to finding gratitude amidst the chaos.

Expect laughter, honest moments, and practical tips to help you find peace and joy during the holidays. This episode is your guide to a more mindful and intentional season.

Episode Highlights:
[0:03] - Reminiscing about our recent podcast trip to Delray Beach.
[3:13] - Holiday decorating dilemmas: Why putting up ornaments feels more like a chore this year.
[7:09] - The pressures of "forced joy" during the holidays and longing for a reset.
[16:04] - Dreaming of an ideal holiday getaway: Exploring the balance between relaxation and adventure.
[27:07] - Alternate career dreams: From museum curator to Dateline investigator.
[35:10] - Exploring societal anger and the intriguing case of the UnitedHealthcare CEO murder.
[40:13] - How gratitude practices and "brain rot" TV marathons can coexist during the holidays.

Resources:

For more on this topic visit our website insightsfromthecouch.org If you have questions please email us at info@insightsfromthecouch.org we would love to hear from you!

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Transcript

Colette Fehr: 0:03

Music. Hi guys. Welcome back to insights from the couch for one of our special holiday season. Mini sodes Excited to be here with you again today, and we are fresh off our trip, our podcast field trip to Delray Beach, Florida, where we got to be a part of our friends at the back nine podcasts annual celebration for their one year anniversary, which was so fun, right? Have a little podcast journey.

Laura Bowman: 0:33

It was so fun. It was just such a fun trip, such a departure from daily life. But so needed, yeah, I mean, the walk on the beach. And first of all, it was so fun to be there and meet everyone, because we've been guests on the back nine podcast, and they have Josh and Dennis, who host that podcast, having guests on our podcast, and they're kind of catering to men in middle life, and we're kind of catering to women in middle life, even though we both have listeners who are, you know, the opposite sex as well, but to put faces in person to names, and you know what, people you've met online, and then also to meet their partners was so much fun. They're so nice, really, really cool women. And yeah, to be live, right? We know we were doing that. I know no is it was so different. And it's, it's cool to meet people that you've talked it's different when you meet people in real life, just the energies of people can be different. So I thought it was so much fun. We laughed so hard on this trip. Okay,

Unknown: 1:41

that was the best part. First of all, I have not shared a hotel room or a hotel bed with anyone other than my husband in a long time. Well, I feel so flattered. I mean, we had our king bed. It was like so sleepover style. I know you did not care for my sound machine. I rolled with it, though, right? I find that such the like, height of irony though, that you want a sound machine when you hate, like extraneous noise, yes, but it's that kind of soothing background. It's a storm. It to me, it just makes my whole nervous system at ease. But thank you for rolling with it, because a lot of people are like, this thing sucks. Yeah, so tired. I don't think I cared. I know, I know, but the best was like, as we get home and we're just and but we went to a beautiful Italian dinner, right? So good, so perfect.

Laura Bowman: 2:45

Del Rey is just an absolute gem of a place. I mean, you need to have about, you know, three to 5 million to, like, live in a townhouse there. But it is so nice and it was the weather was. How perfect was the weather? Oh, my God.

Colette Fehr: 3:04

Like humid, yeah, I know. And it

Unknown: 3:07

didn't even feel like the holidays, like I'm so divorced from the holiday at this point, like I Okay, just I don't want to talk about that, because I feel the same way I feel so Steve is out of town right now. Before he left, he put up the tree, he took out the ornament boxes. I usually put them up, and he does, like the very top, where I can't reach the all the ornament boxes are out, and they have to be put on because, like, the house is being cleaned tomorrow. I don't even want to put ornaments on my tree,

Laura Bowman: 3:44

because my tree, I have two trees. I did one of them. My second big family tree that's in the family room has sat there with lights on, and the ornament box is sitting there for like, over a week. Yeah, I can't get the energy to do it either. It's like the last thing me too, and I don't, yeah, we are in our lives. Is that just, I wonder if that's emblematic of other people at this phase. I

Unknown: 4:08

know, like, are you guys who are listening? Are you feeling this way too? I mean, I do have friends who decorate out the Yin Yang, and it's amazing. And I know there are people who really enjoy that, and it's not ba humbug. Like I don't feel like the Grinch. I just feel exhausted. I feel like I have a lot to do. It feels like one more task that I must do. And for who? Who is it for? I don't really give a fuck right now, if there's like, a tree with ornaments, I'm not even gonna be here. I'm leaving for New York on the 19th, you know, like, why must I do this? Yeah, and I have a house full of kids, but, like, nobody's invested in it. Nobody's like, can we help? No, I had, like, my one son said, like, are we ever gonna get like, the ornaments on the tree, which is like, code for, like, when are you gonna do it? Mom? Yeah. Exactly, and my kids will be home in like, a week. They'll barely be around, but they'll be like, Why haven't you put up the tree? You know? They'll be sort of horrified that I'm neglecting my inborn mother duties by like, not making the house look like Christmas when they'll fly through my house grabbing something and be in and out. You know what? I mean? It's just but that's exactly what it is. It's like we have to continually hold the space of mother, even long after kids don't really want or need it, but they want you to still want to be in that space. Okay? No, I think you're right, because I'm just picturing I'm going home to New York just for a few days to see my brother and his partner and daughter, and say, We're all packing in. My kids are coming with me. We're all packing into my mom's house. And my mom will not put up a tree. You know, she hasn't moved that well, so she's stopped doing that, which is totally fine. She has, like, a little mini tray, and I don't give a shit. I'm not like asking her to hold the space of mother. I mean, I know I'm 51 What about when you were 21 would you have cared?

Colette Fehr: 6:18

Yes, I would have. Okay, whatever you know. How's your answer?

Unknown: 6:23

You kind of have to get to these places yourself before you're willing to give your own parents grace around this of like, Oh, I get it. It's kind of a drag. Don't waste your time. Yeah, but let's talk about how the holidays impact us. Because I saw a study that said as much as 90% of the population finds the holidays more stressful than joyful, and that's a lot that means almost everyone. I do find myself and I don't normally feel this way, but I find myself wanting to put my finger on a fast forward button, like an old fashioned tape recorder machine. And could it just be January 15? Could it just be Martin Luther King Day? Why? Because you just want to get through all of the like, awkwardness of, like, not working and yeah, like, what? Yeah. Why is it, you know? Why is it that I because I don't feel that I have a lot well, okay, I guess the pressures of and all this stuff, it just feels like you're expected. Life sort of suspends. You have to interact a lot with family, you have to decorate, cook, eat, drink. I mean, you don't have to, but it just feels like this mini season of like, forced joy that I'd rather just like reject and focus on my life. Yeah, and I'm the same. I'm a real creature of routine and habit, and then these extended trips out of routine, especially when there isn't, like, if there was a trip planned, maybe that would sound fun, but it's just these like, endless days of like, what do we do now? And it's a lot of shopping and it's a lot of eating and a lot of drinking, and it just doesn't feel very good. Doesn't feel productive. I don't love it either at this point. I i love joy, I love family, but I like it in bite size pieces. I like snack size Joy bites, snack size joy. I love it like a Hershey Kiss not falling in a vat at like the Hershey, you know, factory in Pennsylvania, like our dinner at Delray and then laughing our asses off like for an hour about all manner of things. Bite sized joy that like it tastes so good, it is so good, you'll always remember it. But enforced joy that like goes on for multiple weeks where it's like, you will have fun, you will enjoy yourself, you will relax. It can create the opposite, yeah, and I'm getting ready and listen, I love my family. I can't wait to see my brother. I haven't seen him in like, over two years, and I miss him, you know, and I barely get to see his daughter. I haven't seen her since just after she's born. So all of that's wonderful, and of course, being with my daughters for a few days. But there's also the part of me we're gonna have. I don't even know how many adults, like eight or nine adults, packed into a four bedroom house, a little child, their dog is coming. I will not be able to be in my room that I do very much. Still consider my room. You've seen pictures of my high school bedroom, Laura's Ashley bedroom, yes, my Laura, Ashley bedroom that has not been redecorated since like 1987 Yes, and I love it like that room feels like home to me more than anything. Yeah, I've been sleeping in that room since I'm seven. So and I go up to New York a lot, as you know, so it really does still feel like my house. So and then, you know, from traveling with me, I need, like, my sounds. I like, need my I mean, I think at this age, it's hard to be sleeping on an air mattress. My daughters are so close, but they also fight like, you know, female prison inmates, literally, and it's a lot of women with strong personalities, myself included, there might be conflict. Oh, it's a given. And I'm probably gonna be sleeping on like a couch or an air mattress in the de facto living room with like a dog running around jumping on me. That isn't mine. I and then I'm going to be shelling out money because my children breathe, and it's expensive, especially in New York. Yes.

Laura Bowman: 10:52

Oh, the shopping I I've like, I've shed, like we talked about this in the last one, like so many of the holiday rituals. But it's still, I know it's still so much gift giving,

Unknown: 11:06

I know. I know so, okay, a friend of mine was posting stuff about why it's so important to still give your spouse a present, like not take your spouse off the list. We do not do this. We're going on a trip in March, and I was like, don't buy me anything. First of all, I don't need some like thing. I can't think of one thing I want. If someone were gonna give me a gift, what I really want is, like, make my life feel more relaxing somehow. That's all I want. Do you guys do gifts? Do you think that's important?

Laura Bowman: 11:40

Okay, so this is how it goes. This is every year we always do for the kids. I do for the kids. This year I announced to them, because they're all older, I've got 2218, almost 17, so and they all need money, right? Like, that's just the way it is. And I kill myself doing gifts, like I when I give my kids gifts, I like to really think about what I want to get them this year. I'm like, I'm not doing that. I said I'm getting you, like, stocking stuffers, and you're getting money, because you all need money, yeah, and that's what. And then if you want to buy yourself something, or you want to save it all, that's on you. I already announced that that's what's happening. But here's what we do, and that's smart, right? That feels good, yeah. But between Joe and I and my mom, especially, my mom does this thing every year. She goes my my mom is a gifts person. She loves her some gifts. And so she will say, are we doing gifts this year? And I'll say, I don't need gifts. And she's like, Oh, thank God, I don't need gifts either. Then she shows up, and she has Park Avenue, and she's like, Oh, I got you like, I got you something. I got you a few things. Like, I couldn't help myself. And then, of course, she definitely wants me to get her a few things, because Christmas morning, she's going to feel crest fallen. So then I have to scramble to get her a few things. And it just goes on like that, Joe and I, I don't think we're okay if we don't get anything, but there's always, like, usually, like, a last minute something.

Unknown: 13:13

That's what Steve and I end up doing too. But then I hate it, because I feel like this is what starts to happen every year. I'm like, I'm simplifying this. My kids are in their 20s, Right? Steve, neither Steve nor I are really, like, Gifty people, like, I genuinely am not upset, like, I don't need a gift. Yeah, at all. It doesn't mean anything to me. And I think it's nice to have this thoughtfulness concept. But I can't think of one thing he could get me that I would be, like, he could, like, write me a card or something, or, you know, making me a mix tape, which I know doesn't exceed, or, like, a playlist, or writing me something, those are the only things I really want at this point, or some kind of Travel. So, you know, I just don't There's nothing I need. I got my mom a pair of slippers she wanted, getting my dad a book. My parents split a suitcase I wanted for my Italy trip. Nice that I asked for. So that's lovely. I just find the gift thing, like every year with my girls, I'm always like, you really probably just want mine, because anything I pick for them, they're not happy with, where, like, a bunch of like, young women or teenagers, or, you know, they will, like, send their mother, like, they'll register, they'll send, like, a list, like an Amazon list. Oh, my God. I mean, okay, seen that. No, but I would actually love that if you tell me what to get you that you want, I'm happy to do it like I'm happy I'm gonna get something for my girls. I usually end up giving them money. But then what ends up happening is we're in New York, and then they see something while we're out and about, and they're like, Could this be my Christmas. Gift. So it just ends up like proliferating. I don't know This also sounds so like first world problems. Play the fucking violin. You know, it just, it's part of the grind. This is the way it goes. I think what I'm realizing is that for me, this year has been a lot there. It's been a lot of busyness, a lot of output, working really, really hard. And right now, I'm in a little bit of a grind with all of my projects where, like, not that I'm not excited about the big picture, but everything's feeling really hard and a little bumpy. And I was saying to a friend the other day. I just don't feel like there's any dopamine right now, nothing's feeling super like, Oh, I did this, and that feels great. And so it just feels like it would just be nice. Probably what it is also is I haven't really been on a vacation or taken a vacation. I think I'm just a little burned out. I think that's really the truth, as we're talking about this is that what would feel good for the holidays if you knew you could, like, jet off somewhere and it was just gonna be like, 100% relaxation. You know? What would feel good? Because I'm not even like that great at sitting around. What would feel really good is if I could go somewhere, if I knew on like, December 22 I was getting on a plane. I'm not sure who's on the plane with me, to be honest. Am I by myself? Is it just my husband? Is it my husband and get like, how many family members or friends, but whatever the scenario is I get on a plane, I'm gonna go somewhere where I can relax and explore. Yes, you know, so I don't want to just be at like an all inclusive Beach Resort. I want to be somewhere where I could go wander around and discover things. I want not to have to spend my own money like someone, fantasy person is paying for this trip, and there's no pressure, and there's some kind of mind magic trick that happens where I forget all the stressful things that will be facing me in January, and I'm just like, at peace. I want the mental load to be removed. Yeah,

Laura Bowman: 17:22

oh, that sounds amazing. And like, doesn't it some novelty, like, when you travel and you, like, discover new places, and you find, like, a little bookstore, or you see something that you've like, read about, and it just, it inspires you, like that, that process

Unknown: 17:38

Exactly. And we know our brains need novelty. There's something that comes from newness that really reinvigorates relationships, but refreshes your soul, a new atmosphere, a new environment, you get into a place of curiosity, and you tend to get some distance from your stressors, not always, but a lot of times, and a little bit of a different perspective,

Laura Bowman: 18:06

yeah, yeah. So

Unknown: 18:09

being that this magical solution isn't happening, what are you one are you seeing clients like feeling stressed about the holidays or

Laura Bowman: 18:18

Yeah? I mean, I think as we get closer, there are more conversations about that. But that's not, that's not the bulk of the work I'm seeing right now. So neither let me, I'll let you know in a week if people are starting to feel that. Yeah, I haven't seen that. How about you? Are you seeing a lot of people?

Unknown: 18:39

I think that people who are in here working on couples therapy like Christmas is the last fucking worry they have, yeah, yeah, for the most part. And you know what, me too, like, let me also give that perspective that we're sitting here talking about the holidays. I just had breakfast with my friend from Tulane Becca. She's here for her son is this really talented golfer, and he got invited into this golf tournament, and I think he came in ninth place. Yeah, he's only 16. They live in Maine, yeah. So it's a real treat that she came up to Baldwin to meet me for breakfast, and we really got some good quality one on one time I last saw her when we went to London together for a girls trip for my friend Vanessa's 50th birthday, about a year and a half ago. So it was really, or I guess, a year ago, just over a year ago. Anyway, it was really fun to do that. But as we're sitting there outdoors having breakfast, and it's beautiful here, it's kind of cool, Florida wise, but gorgeous, right? She said something. I said, Oh, this is what's funny about it. I said, Oh, have you had snow yet? Because she lives in Maine, she's like, Yeah, I'll show you a picture. And then I was like, wow, you already have snow? She's like, Yeah, it's December. This is late for us. I'm like, Oh, my God, it's December. They have snow. In October, right? But what's crazy? Because, especially we live in Florida, I am so, like you said, divorce. I keep forgetting, I don't know if it's February, October, June, like the holidays are sort of like a pain in the ass that I just want to get through. Yeah, yeah.

Laura Bowman: 20:20

I'm in the same place. I mean, the whole, like, Winter Park, Christmas parade happened, the whole tree lighting, yeah? And I hear myself annoyed, yeah. Did you go? Did you go to the Baldwin so

Unknown: 20:31

I didn't go. And then last night, a friend of mine, my friend Jen, who also lives here in my neighborhood, was the big Baldwin tree thing, which is so fun. And I yesterday. Okay, maybe this is something that's helpful. You tell me what you think. I don't know. Yesterday I was gonna have a productive day. I was gonna, like, take my morning slow, and then I was just gonna, like, ease into getting some work done. Steve's away. I'm by myself. I ended up I went for a long walk, which was good, but I ended up laying around, like, getting into, like, yoga pants, pajama kind of clothes. I watched the entire half a season of the ultimatum on Netflix. Do you know about it? No, I don't watch a lot of stuff on TV. Oh my god. It's so was so good. I got so engrossed. It's a relationship show, so I like the dynamics. It's basically couples where one has given the other an ultimatum about getting married, and the other one is unsure for a variety of reasons. So it's like a reality show. Oh, it is a reality show with Nick Lachey and Nick and Vanessa Lachey as the co host. They kind of annoy me. I feel like Vanessa is always doing this, like faux empathy, that feels so insincere. But that part aside, they switch. They have a week to date. There's like six couples. They have a week to, like, go on mini dates with the partners from the other couples. And then they pick someone else to have, like a faux three week marriage to see if there's what. I can't stand shows like that. But have

Colette Fehr: 22:11

you ever watched a show like that? I've

Unknown: 22:13

watched like I can't sit through the bachelor. I can't sit through the bachelor. I I hate that shit. What is what like, why it makes me cringe. I find it so like, I get like, such secondhand embarrassment. I don't feel like the connections are deep or real. I think it's all like, staged and stilted. I feel like, I feel like I can't watch. I'm always like, Ah, this doesn't feel right. Okay? I don't know. I mean, maybe that's an unpopular opinion. They're obviously like, super, super popular shows. I just, I can't enjoy shows like that. I don't know, so I think, I don't think that's an unpopular opinion. I think some of the reality TV I like, it would be very easy to be like, What the fuck is wrong with you Colette, that you want to watch that. But I accept that some of it's scripted, certainly, and even in the like, I think bachelor and bachelorette are more fakey, and I'm probably only watching those shows because I've been watching them since the beginning. So there's just like a habit and familiarity. But the ultimatum, what happens is, you are it's so not healthy for people and exploitative, but you're taking people and putting them into a situation that's really psychologically hazardous for their attachment system. And you can see people really decompensating, like, one guy is the one giving the ultimatum. He's 10 years older than his girlfriend. She's like, stunningly beautiful, but you get the sense she's maybe just not quite that into him. And she really clicks with this other guy who's like, a personal trainer and super fit, and they couple up. And the boyfriend, who's this artist, kind of sensitive guy, couples up with this girl he clicks with, but he's really in love with his fiance, and the girl he coupled up with leaves so he's alone, and his girlfriend is across the apartment thing, sleeping in the same bed with this ripped dude that she's Totally vibing with, and he is sobbing and melting down. He breaks down and goes and bangs on the door of her apartment, and she won't come out. She blocks him. I mean, it is, it's really, it's fucked up, but I find it interesting to see the dynamics unfolding.

Laura Bowman: 24:39

My nervous system can't watch that. Like, even my daughter's like, really in the love Island.

Colette Fehr: 24:44

Oh, I love love Island.

Unknown: 24:45

Oh, my God, I hate it. I hate it. Those poor people, like, when they get off the boat and then, like, what is it the girl does the the guy has to pick a girl, right? Or does the girl pick a guy? I can't remember. Mix

Colette Fehr: 24:59

it up a little. It all. They mix it up appreciating. There's

Unknown: 25:02

always like those four little there's always like someone who's like, stuck off on their own, like, nobody wants it's just, oh, I can't take it. I know. And you know, we're also wired, as human beings, of course, to greatly fear rejection and abandonment. And these shows basically exploit rejection and abandonment and how you spiral in the face of that for entertainment. And listen, I'm the asshole who's watching. Okay, so I just, but this is the only one. This is what I spent my day doing. I watched the entire first half of the season. I did get a little sunshine and walk. Then I read books, I listened to music, I did nothing. I couldn't even put the ornaments on the tree. That

Laura Bowman: 25:50

sounds absolutely perfect. That is what you need when you feel burnt out, is you need to just wander and follow your own curiosity and desires and do that. I have to do that every once in a while too. I mean, mine doesn't involve to, you know, love Island or whatever, but it's the same.

Unknown: 26:09

You're so hot, bro, Laura and I'm so we're fine. So in the gutter with my puzzle and my HGTV and I watch love it and list it simulation as I can handle. No interest

Colette Fehr: 26:23

in that.

Unknown: 26:24

See, I love it. I love it. Give a fuck. I could live in a cardboard box. I just don't care. You don't care. Okay, yeah, me to the another thing we were talking about when we were walking in Delray. We were talking about, you know, Cheryl Strayed in her book, tiny, beautiful things, says that she has this whole like passage about the sister ship that didn't carry you, meaning like the dreams you had that you never took the ghost ship that's out there. And so we were talking about careers that we never did, but that we wished we'd done. And what are the different things? Or even, what did we were also talking about, like, the High, Low versions of our dreams. Like, if we weren't therapists, what would we be? And, like, I wonder, you know what you guys listening, you know, if there's if you're not what you were, what would you have become? Yeah, so what was yours? It's so interesting because it all like, sort of orients around, like the arts, and I said, I said, work at Sotheby's, or I'd work at a museum, like the Smithsonian or the Met, and I'd be in charge of something really super random, like 17th century, like fine furniture, and then I'd be like, this insufferable expert, and I'd probably go antiquing through, like, the Northeast, and I'd be like, Do you know what this is? This is a Chippendale data. And I don't know why, but I've always been, like, obsessed with antiquity and and, like, just homes and cultivate like things, and I never did those things. I don't know why. I think it was because I thought that was like, I think there was a part of me that judged it as sort of superficial and frivolous, and I felt like I needed to do like something more serious. Yeah. I mean, I know that's part of what it was I have kind of like an artist and a scientist in me, that sort of battle for dominance. Yeah,

Colette Fehr: 28:26

I relate to that.

Unknown: 28:28

But so when I was saying that, like, if, if none of that worked out, I would just go be like a character actor and like Williamsburg working at the apothecary, racks me up, right? That's like the low the low level version. So, yeah, this is the path not taken, and I could so see it for you, knowing you and the way your interests align. But it's really interesting to think about, what could your alternative path have been, where, like, you felt fulfilled and you felt alive in your job, and for me, it would really be having a role on TV like in my ideal I would be a talk show host, because I could still tap into my curiosity, my insatiable curiosity, be about people, and be connecting with people, or I was joking with you a little that, you know, I love crime, I love dark I love psychological darkness. I know it's a meme to make fun of middle aged women who are into the murder shows, but I'm one of them. I am that cliche. I cannot get enough Dateline, 48 hours, True Crime documentary. I love it only when they're well done, but when you have a case that shows a psychologically complex character who's done some kind of really interesting murder and maybe gotten away with it, or the motive isn't clear. My brain is experiences the most engagement and joy like possible. So I so funny. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I'm not alone, but what I think would have been a great alternate job for me, if I were not a therapist, would be specifically to have Andrea Cannings job on Dateline. She's this, like, blonde, I feel like her face never moves. I don't know. I just, I almost don't know why, yeah, yeah, hopefully she's not listening to the podcast. I just kind of She must know someone like, why does she have the job? I don't feel like she does a good job. I feel like I could do a better job. And I feel like I would literally show up to work every day like you. I will pay you to let me do this job. Yeah? Now my low level version, if I, if I couldn't be at like, the peak, would be that I work in an independent bookstore, and I do a lot of engaging with people, and I put on a lot of events, and I spend my day talking to people and perusing and enjoying and celebrating books. I love that too, right? So before we wrap up, let's talk about what we're reading. Tell me what like you're What are you reading right now? And any recommendations you have for everyone? Well, the i right now, I haven't read a ton. I i have read a lot of stuff for work, so it's kind of boring, but the three books that I've engaged with recently as I read Malcolm Gladwell is the revenge of the tipping point, which I love. If you like Malcolm Gladwell, if you like that sort of social sciencey non fiction,

Colette Fehr: 31:34

I heard it was like, the same thing repackaged.

Unknown: 31:38

It's not okay. I always get something out of his, his take. I mean, he definitely spins the narrative the way he wants to spin it. But I get a ton of, what did you get out of the book? Like, give a distillation, like it's talking about what happens, like the deleterious side of the tipping point, the re the first tipping point was, like, how products tip, or ideas tip in this book, he's really talking about how things kind of tip in the opposite direction, like, how Miami became, you know, the crime capital the world. Or, like, how, you know, like, Florida is, like, this Medicaid toilet, bowl, yeah. Like how we create stories and how places shape the way you do things, or how few people really drove the opioid, you know, crisis, into the ground. And he shows you how easy it is for dynamic to tip in a negative and delete gotcha. Gotcha. There's a sweet spot, and then it can crest over the edge into something. It doesn't even take much for something to go in a really bad direction. We're there. I mean, look at this whole murder of the United Healthcare CEO, and the way people are celebrating it and mass right? This guy disappears, has the balls to shoot him, and then New York streets in front of all these other people, and then takes off. Can't be found, leaves this backpack filled with Monopoly money, bullets like what I mean, this was so well planned, right when you're etching, you know, words on the

Colette Fehr: 33:25

bullet, onto the bullets, denied, delay.

Unknown: 33:29

And, yeah, delay, I can't remember what

Colette Fehr: 33:31

they were. Yeah, me neither, but they were bad.

Unknown: 33:34

But clearly someone who's been so injured and wronged by this system, or because I'm kind of obsessed with this case, this is exactly the sort of thing I love, not because, first of all, there's a real reason there's so much foment and anger toward these executives. Yeah, you know, these these companies are denying people coverage and medications and then getting rich off of it. Now, I think there's another side to the story, which is that government regulation is probably a lot more to blame, in some ways, than even these companies. But regardless of the issue, it's also Is this guy a disgruntled person whose loved one died because of a united healthcare decline in coverage, or is this an elaborate ruse to make that look like the motive? I know I thought about that too, and maybe, like, someone closer inside job or something. Yeah, so inside job in the industry, you know, he's separated from his wife. I mean, is he really? Yeah, obviously I'm not trying to, like, go on air and speculate that his wife's a murderer, but you just don't know. No, you never know. And it's so on the nose, right? It's so on the nose everything. And lest I go down a total, total rabbit hole, which I guess I already am, on this case, how did he. Know where this executive, Brian Thompson, I think, is his name, was there for, like, a united conference, but he wasn't staying, he was staying across the street. Like, how did he know all that? How did he know when this guy would be walking? How did he know where he was staying? It's just, what do you feel like? It's the wife's lover or something like it wouldn't knock you off your chair, is what you're saying. I mean, I think it's like very hard to understand how this random dude was able to get this information as a lone wolf, and it seems like a very organized, experienced planning Yeah, he was in New York for like 10 days, yeah, yeah, staying at this hostel, wearing his mask. I mean, it's just fascinating. And it is fascinating from a sociological perspective, how people have responded. Like, you can really feel the energy of like the French Revolution, where people are so fed up with the uber rich and how disenfranchised everybody else feels and impoverished, and people have, like, had it. I mean, yeah, you can't pull on a system the way, you know, people even, like I said when we were in Del Rey, you couldn't get a shit hole.

Colette Fehr: 36:24

Remember when I found my little place?

Unknown: 36:26

Yeah, I thought, Oh, this one will be affordable. It was like, what? How many square feet? Was it Colette? 500 square feet? Or how much it was? The cutest little house that's filled with tiny apartments. Okay, it's nothing bougie. You'd have to be willing to live in something old. It wasn't right on the beach, but it just was, like, charming in a way. I like Tahiti Cove in Delray Beach. Yeah. I was like, Oh my gosh. I could see having, like, a little condo here and just being able to, like, come chill and like, write. And I looked up, there was a place for rent. It was $7,500 a month for a five I mean, of course, this won't be like surprising to anyone living in like LA or New York, but it's South Florida's gotten so expensive, and when you look at the pictures on Zillow, the place was so ugly inside. I mean, it wasn't remotely updated. The furniture was disgusting. 550 square feet, like, you can't even, like, turn around and they wanted 7500 a month.

Colette Fehr: 37:30

Yeah, which, yeah, who's,

Unknown: 37:34

I mean, okay. I mean, I guess some people have that money because they're there, but Right, I think that we are really at this inflection point as a society, a tipping point, a real tipping point of just it is not cool anymore for all of these billionaires to do their thing at the expense of normal, especially denying a child medication, a child with cancer. I mean, fuck off. Oh my gosh, so it does. I think that's one more thing, like before we get off, just the way everything feels really into I feel like society is crackling with intensity. I feel like people are angry. The election was not good. It was not healthy. Regardless of how you feel about the outcome, the process of politics, the estrangement and families over politics, people are ending friendships. They don't want to talk with people on the other side. You know, there's so much unrest in the world. It just feels like there's a lot of anger bubbling, not even beneath, but like right at the surface, I feel it too. Yes, we're at an inflection point somehow, and we'll have to see where it goes. But it doesn't feel good, no? But on the bright side, let's end on a bright note. What's the bright side? The Bright Side is we're alive and breathing. It's another day, and there's much to be grateful for, and this that that is the truest mental health thing ever, that focusing some attention on what's going well in your life is so important for your mindset, because there's always something negative, and our brains are wired to hyper focus on the negative because of evolution and, you know, the survival imperative, but it doesn't really serve us day to day for our mental health. So one thing I'm doing right now is I do do that little five minute journal where I write a few things every morning that I'm grateful for. I've been doing it a long time. I write a couple of affirmations, like positive statements about myself, like I believe in myself and my capabilities. You know, I know who I am. I have everything I need inside myself, whatever. It's tempting to dismiss that as, like, you know, Pollyanna, poofy positivity, but it's not. It helps your brain. Oh, I'm good, I'm okay. There's a lot that's going well in my life. I think that downtime, sleep, exercise, fresh air, like those things, we gotta carry those through the holidays,

Laura Bowman: 40:14

watching what was the show called the ultimatum, watching the ultimatum for hours on end. I don't think any of that's bad in moderation. I think a little bit of just letting yourself go and letting yourself have a day and finding some bite sized joy and looking around and going, you know, I have a lot of the things that are good about

Unknown: 40:36

Yeah. I mean, technically, you know, the word of the year this year is brain rot, the Merriam Webster or Oxford dictionary word of the year, where you just kind of consume bullshit online. You're not really reading anything, you're not really learning anything, and the brain just kind of rots. I think technically, watching six hours of the ultimatum is probably classified as brain rot. But I also think I'm not doing that every day. I'm doing a lot of intellectually stimulating things, yeah, so giving myself permission to be in my PJs, sitting in my bed, like I brought my lunch into my bedroom and curled up and, like, ate it in bed, you know, maybe a little birdless. There needs to be a ratio between, you know, like, I've seen a couple good movies, I plan to see a couple more good movies in the holiday season. That's one of the fun things I'm trying to do, because I need that. I need to see quality stuff. Yeah, and read. I'm reading a couple more quality things. And then you can have your little ratio, your little like, dabble into brain rock, yeah, yeah. Doesn't feel too bad. I

Colette Fehr: 41:45

like you. I like it. Thank you. Five to

Unknown: 41:48

one, five to one, yeah, I agree. I agree. And I'm looking forward to the same thing. So we can talk about this more next week to, like, reading movies. I want to talk more about that. Let's talk and talk today about a lot of like, heavy, hard parts. Let's talk about some fun, joyful things next week. Let's go Joy chasing next week.

Colette Fehr: 42:09

Amazing. I love it. Let's do that. Let's talk about joy

Unknown: 42:12

for the middle aged woman that doesn't involve giving and doing and busying and pressure, yes, since my magical vacation where someone else pays everyone leaves me alone, and I get to roam and explore, isn't happening anytime soon. Yes, all right, so I will see you soon. We'll be back next week. Thanks everyone for listening. I hope your holiday season is going well and as stress free as possible. We'll see you next time on insights from the couch, bye, bye. You.