Ep.48: Beyond Survival Mode: How to Stop Playing Small and Start Living Big with Debbie Weiss

What happens when you spend your whole life taking care of others, and suddenly realize you’ve lost yourself in the process? In this powerful episode, we sit down with Debbie R. Weiss, bestselling author, entrepreneur, and inspirational speaker, who shares how she spent decades as a family caregiver—first to her father, then to her son with autism, and later to her husband battling mental illness and cancer. At 50, she had an epiphany: if she didn’t start prioritizing herself, she’d keep putting her own life on hold.

Debbie opens up about her journey of shifting from a victim mentality to taking ownership of her life, making small mindset shifts that led to massive transformation. We dive into breaking limiting beliefs, overcoming life’s toughest challenges, and chasing dreams—even when you’re not sure what they are yet. If you’ve ever felt stuck in your circumstances, this conversation will leave you inspired and ready to take action.

Episode Highlights:

[0:02] – Meet Debbie R. Weiss: Author, speaker, and lifelong caregiver.
[2:28] – Becoming a caregiver at 17: navigating life after her father’s stroke.
[5:41] – Running a business while balancing caregiving and family responsibilities.
[9:39] – The devastating moment when her husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer.
[12:12] – Breaking free from the victim mentality and taking responsibility.
[17:43] – The mindset shift that finally led to lasting weight loss.
[24:55] – How small, consistent actions can transform your life.
[31:16] – What Debbie’s life looks like now: embracing new possibilities.
[38:35] – The power of saying yes and how it led her to writing.
[41:22] – Debbie’s best advice for women who feel stuck in their circumstances.

Resources:

Debbie Weiss’s Website: https://www.debbierweiss.com 

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Transcript

Colette Fehr: 0:02

Debbie, welcome to insights from the couch. We have a great episode for you today with Debbie Weiss talking about how to go after what you want and make it happen no matter what your circumstances. Debbie is someone who, as you'll hear in a minute, had almost every hardship and tragedy thrown her way throughout her lifespan, and at 50, she had an epiphany and decided to start living her life differently, and she's made so many dreams come true, even the one she didn't know she had. So we're going to dive right in with all kinds of questions and tips for what you can do to make what you want happen. And Debbie, we're so excited to have you here. Thank you so much for joining us. Thank you so much for having me and Debbie. I just want to introduce you a little to our listeners, because you have such an interesting bio with more than 60 years of experience dealing with some of life's toughest challenges. You're an expert in chasing your own dreams in spite of your circumstances. I love that. I love that. And Debbie is the best selling author of the memoir, on second thought, maybe I can as well as a co author of the Amazon bestseller collaborative book, heart whispers. And your book, The sprinkle effect, a guide to living a more colorful and fulfilling life, came out in November of 2024 you're also a Canfield certified trainer in the success principles. You're an entrepreneur running an insurance agency and your own online store, a sprinkle of hearts and the host of maybe I can podcast. Debbie is an inspirational speaker, a family caregiver and a mother, and she has overcome her own limiting beliefs and fears, allowing her to begin living her best life. And you have a passion of helping and inspiring others to do the same. So wow, so much today. Thanks.

Debbie R. Weiss: 2:08

When I hear it, I'm thinking, Who are they talking about that can't be me first. When you say 60 years, I'm like, Oh, no way. But with age comes wisdom, right?

Colette Fehr: 2:22

It's true. It's true. So actually, Debbie, maybe you could start off by tell us a little bit about your personal story. Sure.

Debbie R. Weiss: 2:29

So I became a family caregiver to my dad when I was 17. He had a massive stroke the day after I graduated from high school, he had just actually was days from turning 46 he Oh, my god, yeah, crazy, right? You don't think of a 46 year old having a stroke. You think of older people having strokes, and back then, you know, it was just, I don't know, we were unaware, unaware that that was even a possibility. But anyway, luckily, he survived. He actually lived 30 years from almost to the day that he had the stroke, and soon after, my parents divorced and I became my father's primary caregiver for the remainder of his life. And that didn't mean that he lived with me, because he never did live with me, but I had to figure out where he was going to live. I had to start to understand where his money was coming from. We didn't have any money, so anything that he lived on was, you know, Medicare and Medicaid and getting private disability and Social Security, and like all the things that 20 year olds don't have to know, and you're coordinating all coordinating, all of this. Now I, you know, look, my mother was there to help me, my aunt, my father's sister, has always been there to help me, but I was the main person. And, you know, it, it lasted and changed and morphed into different ways. And, of course, the last few years of his life, the caregiving got, got pretty intense when my oldest son, I went through six, six rounds of in vitro fertilization while I was, you know, caring for my dad and working full time, and all the things as so many women now, you know, have to go through. I was in my mid 30s when I started trying to have children, and was unsuccessful, but luckily, was successful with in vitro. And when my oldest son was about two, he was diagnosed on the autism spectrum. And of course, all parents are caregivers, but when you have a child with special needs, it just, you know, turns 10 X's the caregiving, and you have to learn, just like I had to learn all. Those things for my dad. Now I had to learn a whole new language and therapies and dealing with school districts and like you know, really there should be classes in what you have to know. When my son was diagnosed 20 something years ago, they gave me a pamphlet and said, Good luck. That was it. Wow. Again. Now there's so much more awareness and and resources. Thank goodness for that. Continuing on in my journey my husband, who actually he and I, worked together in my insurance agency for over 20 years, because you had time for an insurance Well, you know, I had to make money,

Laura Bowman: 5:41

right? But it's your agency. You're not working in it. It's like your business,

Debbie R. Weiss: 5:46

yes, and and that went through a bunch of iterations and and challenges as well, and continues to right, just like any any business, their ebbs and flows. And so yes, there were times where I could be cruising and forever grateful that I was able to have this insurance agency, because it had has afforded me the ability to be flexible with my time, to be there for my dad when he needed it, to be there for my son and my younger son. You know, in and my husband and I working together, we were actually able to kind of job share when our kids were young, so that one of us was always at the office and one was always home with the boys. So it's given me so so much and and now, you know, with all I've been doing lately, if I didn't have this amazing team of women in my office, I could never have accomplished anything. So I'm forever grateful for the opportunity and for the people who've supported me there. So my husband always he had Crohn's disease. He was diabetic. He had a lot of stuff, but it seemed like after he turned 50, I used to always joke, like, you, what do you have male menopause? Like, is that a thing? I noticed that he was changing, and I didn't really understand it. And I didn't understand that it had a name until much later down the line, when my older son, again, the one who was diagnosed on the spectrum, started being diagnosed with, you know, clinical depression and generalized anxiety disorder. And I started to realize, oh my goodness, that's what my husband has, and his anxiety and depression then started manifesting in more physical illness, and one day he walked out of our office and said, I'm never coming back here. And he just kind of left me high and dry in the office. So I even said, my, all my, all my men in my life also have ADHD. So there was, like, stacks of papers, piles of papers in his office. I didn't know anything like, you know, I wanted to make sure my customers were taken care of. And I said, I'll just bring these home, and you'll explain to me what I have to do? Nope, nope. He couldn't talk about it

Laura Bowman: 8:24

like he was he was like, I don't want to do this exactly,

Debbie R. Weiss: 8:28

exactly. And I thought, Okay, well maybe now that he's home, like, he'll relax, he won't be as anxious. He'll be able to kind of function at home, because he wasn't really functioning. And unfortunately that never happened, and we've been on, we were on a real journey with his mental illness as well as my son's mental illness simultaneously, which was really difficult when it's two people suffering at the same time. They're very similar, and then they were butting heads all the time. Eventually, my husband, I was able to get him hospitalized for depression. That was the first time that he was ever hospitalized, and he was only in there for about a week or 10 days, and they changed his meds and he was released, and he was like a new person, and we were all so hopeful, like he was embracing therapy, which he hadn't really done in the past. He was like, you know, the star of his group sessions, and it was, it was great. And six weeks later, he was diagnosed with terminal blood cancer unrelated to any of his other issues.

Colette Fehr: 9:40

Oh, my God, oh, yeah, I just,

Debbie R. Weiss: 9:43

I it was just such a cruel turn of events, you know, to kind of bring him up and have him be so hopeful, you know, for the first time in in a decade, and then to have this happen and he survived. About six months. And honestly, the journey with his mental illness was harder than the physical illness in those six months. And so again, for the women in my office, being there for me, I was able to pretty much be home with him full time, you know, during those six months. And so the moral of the story, I guess, is that I just became a family caregiver, always caring for others my entire life, and never prioritizing myself and really realizing that I deserve to have a life too, not saying that I wouldn't have done what I did, taking care of everyone else. But it wasn't until I was about 50 that I realized, wow, I am crashing and burning, and unless I start paying attention to myself, I'm not going to be good for anyone else. And that's what I've been doing the last decade, is, you know, tuning into what I need and trying to build the life that I want, you know, while still being there for everyone else,

Colette Fehr: 11:10

right? And this is why you say right, chasing your dreams, despite your circumstances, your story is incredible and gives you such credibility to be able to talk to other women and help them, because if you can learn to focus on you and put energy into yourself, when you've lost your husband to this horrible terminal disease, you've had to raise your son with autism at a time when nobody was helping or supporting or aware, and you spent 30 years being the primary coordinator and caregiver to your father, right? Who knows better than you that this is possible no matter what is happening in our life, there's always a way. And in fact, we owe it to ourselves to put energy into ourselves and take responsibility for our life. And in fact, that's one of the things you say, right, the importance of taking responsibility for your life and not having a victim mentality. So tell our listeners a little bit about how you approach that and how you kind of were able to get there.

Debbie R. Weiss: 12:13

You know, I'm reflecting on that a lot lately, trying to kind of peel back, because I'm already thinking about book number three. And really want to be able to articulate what changed, you know. And I would like to say, you know, I do describe it as an aha moment, but in reality, it really wasn't. It was an aha moment. Now reflecting back, but it's not like I stood there and all of a sudden, oh, it clicked. It a late Right? Exactly. I'd like to say that happened. It didn't happen. Yeah, I think the impetus was me turning 50, something about the number 50 for me, really hit home and made me reflect on, you know, where I've been and where I'm going. And I realized, you know, I don't want to be that person who gets to the end of their life looking back with regret, regret for what I haven't done. And I have to say, I didn't have anything in particular I wanted to do. I never wanted to be an author that was about, you know, 5000 on my list, never. I didn't have, you know, some hidden talent. I'm not a singer, or I wish I was, but I'm not, you know, so it wasn't like I had some dream that I had, you know, been kept down. I didn't know what it was, but I just knew that it needed I needed more. I needed something more for myself, whatever that was. And one of the things that I I didn't mention in that whole long description of myself, is that I have had a lifelong weight problem, and it has really defined who I am. It gave me a bunch, pretty much all of my limiting beliefs, which at 50 I was still dealing with, but didn't know and didn't understand. And so slowly, you know, I thought to myself, Okay, something's got to give. At that point, I was at least 100 pounds overweight, and I, you know, the whole lifelong diet, up, down, try everything, all, all of that. Oh yeah, you know I'm familiar with, yeah. So we've all, many of us know that journey. So nothing, nothing unusual there. And I used to think to myself, and this is actually what I've been reflecting on. Where is that magic bullet, right? Where is that magic pill? When will something magically change in my head that will make this happen for me? Yeah? Yeah, and I don't know why. I wish I could say why I wasn't reading atomic habits by James clear, I wasn't like none of the things. It just kind of, I just did this on my own. I thought, okay, clearly what I've tried to do for the last 50 years with my weight has not been successful. So I've got to try something different. And for me, Weight Watchers has always been, you know, the one thing that is works for me and was most realistic. So I said I am going to go back to Weight Watchers, and the only goal that I have is attending a meeting once a week. I don't care what I eat. I don't care if I exercise like none of those things. I'm not tracking my food. If I go every week, then I have accomplished my goal. And that's what I did. I went every week. I didn't lose weight, but, you know, I got into that habit. I grew to like, you know, the group that I was with, and got to know people, right? So now you feel part of something. And then I added something else, small. I'm going to track my food only 50% of the time. The other thing that I did for the first time in my life, and this was really the pivotal change, was and I was unfamiliar with mindset. I didn't know what I was doing, but it hit me. This hit me like a bolt, is that I would always, in the past, have that diet mentality. I'm on the diet. I'm off the diet. Looking at other people eating, other women, how come they get to eat that? Look at what she's eating, and she's skinny. She's so lucky, I realized she's maybe not, maybe she is lucky, but she's not eating those kind of meals. 21 meals a week, right? Like I might have seen her eat that meal, but the rest of the time she's not eating like that. I also realized and this lifestyle world gets thrown around, but it wasn't like this, then it was like, This is not a diet. I'm never going off this. This is it. This is a lifestyle. It's not going to end. I don't have to lose 25 pounds in three months or by my birthday. It doesn't matter how long it takes, because I'm on this, so to speak, for the rest of my life, for life, and it was that realization and kind of taking responsibility and saying, This is it, and it's not necessarily bad. And if I eat ice cream, then, you know, I'm not the worst person that ever walked the face of the earth. And it doesn't mean,

Colette Fehr: 17:44

it doesn't mean getting away from good and bad exactly,

Debbie R. Weiss: 17:48

and it doesn't mean that because I was quote, unquote bad now I might as well eat everything under the sun, because I already blew it. And it was that that really, that was it, that was the moment, and that is the biggest change in my life, and that because of that, and seeing, well, let me go back and say so, it probably took maybe three years or more to lose about 90 pounds.

Colette Fehr: 18:20

That's incredible, though, Debbie, incredible,

Laura Bowman: 18:23

super healthy, though, that's the way to

Debbie R. Weiss: 18:25

do it. Thank you. And this is the first time, so that was probably about seven or eight years ago, so that was, this is the first time in my life that I've ever lost a significant amount and actually maintained it. Yeah, I've gained back half pounds, you know? But I let it creep. But I caught it and pulled the you know, reeled it back in, and now it's, it's amazing that food doesn't have the same power over me that it used to.

Laura Bowman: 18:52

Yeah, this reminds me of, like the work. Do you know who Elizabeth Benton is? Are you familiar? Oh my

Debbie R. Weiss: 18:57

gosh, of course, I am. She's actually the one who, after my diet, she was like, the next person that she was the one who introduced me to, oh, what I've been doing is changing my mindset. I didn't know mindset

Laura Bowman: 19:11

I was, you're talking, I'm thinking of her, and I'm saying this is exactly the work that she does, which is mindset, which is like, that you know that you keep engaged you don't like every choice is a chance that behavior change is something that we're constantly engaged in. And like, She's somebody who has lost well over 100 pounds, gotten out of debt, and so everything in her life is like this mindset of, I mean, what would you how would you frame

Colette Fehr: 19:41

it? Yeah, of what? Because I'm still not really getting like, how, just wonderful,

Debbie R. Weiss: 19:45

really. I mean, I think, I think what Laura said, every choice is a chance like that, really resonated

Colette Fehr: 19:52

with me, micro, the mic, yeah, because every and how the micro can build

Debbie R. Weiss: 19:56

exactly every choice is. Kind of like a vote for who I'm going to be in the future, right? Yeah, the things that I do know, gotcha, gotcha is is going to lead to whatever I want my life to look like, right?

Colette Fehr: 20:11

So, and what I'm hearing from what you're describing, Debbie, is that around when you turned 50, you started to realize you needed to pay attention to yourself, and then, instead of going back to certain old, tried and true, limiting belief based strategies, like I got a diet, or, how come other people are lucky and get to do this and right all the old coping mechanisms and strategies that hadn't served you, you started to work on your mindset without even calling it that, or realizing and making slow, incremental change toward the person you want to become in a very organic and integrated way. So these things settled in and actually became the new you, without pressure on outcomes and deadlines, right? And then you set one goal after another. And like you said, not even having read atomic habits, but this is so similar with that, that if we can make small changes in service of our goals, we get there, we look back and we've climbed the whole mountain, and it wasn't even as scary or hard as we thought it was going to be perfect. It's really powerful.

Laura Bowman: 21:22

Can I ask, though? Because I'm just dying over here, like, I, you know, I work with a lot of women, and I feel like one of the things that you've dealt with, like, just, let's just take caring for your father, for example. I can just hear the resentment, the I can't believe the victim. Talk about victim mentality, like I was never given a fair shot because I was tasked with this. And then just my luck, I, you know, I have this other thing to deal with. How do, how are you talking to yourself

Debbie R. Weiss: 21:54

throughout the just like that. So

Laura Bowman: 21:58

I'm thinking like, you know, this is the woman who's like, been able to, like, be grateful and like rally and just like be but

Debbie R. Weiss: 22:05

you have, oh, my goodness, in terms of script, I was such the victim again, not even realizing what I was doing. In hindsight, I was always on edge. I was, you know, ready to explode at a moment's notice, I would look always comparing myself to someone else's life. They have it so easy. I have to worry about so many different things. Why me? Poor me, all of those things. I had it all. Oh my gosh. I was I was Queen victim, and I didn't even know it, yeah, and, you know, it was actually Elizabeth Benton started my whole mindset thing. And then, you know, once you start that exploration and start to understand and really start to take responsibility, I think that was a defining idea for me, because what I realized was, is that I was blaming everything and everyone else for my life. And yeah, maybe I can't control. My father had a stroke and my son was, you know, I can't control there are uncontrollables, but I can always control how I respond to those things, and I was not doing that. And so I was taking no responsibility. I was so busy pointing fingers instead of really looking at myself. And you know, this isn't what you know. What is? What's that saying? You know, if you know, if you put all your problems, everyone put all their problems in the hat, you'd still want to pick yours out. You know, this is not a contest. I had to stop saying that this isn't a contest. I might look at my friend's life and it looks so easy I don't know what's going on. And if it is easier, good for her, like, who cares? Right?

Colette Fehr: 24:00

Has enough felt to do with you? Nothing but your

Laura Bowman: 24:03

felt sense was like that you had drawn the shortest draw.

Debbie R. Weiss: 24:06

Oh, yeah, for sure, for sure. For sure, for sure. And

Laura Bowman: 24:11

how does that change? Like, where does that? Where in the journey? Like, does it? Is it 50? Is it after the death of your husband, when you get enough, just quieter space, or is it prior to that? It

Debbie R. Weiss: 24:23

was after 50, but it was, you know, after, I think, the weight loss thing, and seeing how nothing changed, like Weight Watchers really didn't change, right? They changed their program a little bit every couple years. But it wasn't that the only thing that changed was how I was approaching it. And so I think I took that success and said, Well, wait a minute, maybe I can apply that to other areas of my life.

Colette Fehr: 24:55

I agree with that for sure. It's that's a choice. Yes, yeah. Because, you know, we'll have people as therapists come in, and you can hear that some people, right? Everyone has the lot they draw. Everyone's got struggles. Some definitely get handed more that are out of their control than others. But I will hear narratives that are very steeped in victimology and comparison. And then I'll hear people that I think, My God, what this person's dealing with, and they have a completely different mindset. I think we all struggle and suffer when life deals us bad cards, right? Everyone, nobody is enjoying that, but I do think it's a choice to stay mired and poor me and I should have what other people have, that you give all your power away. There's no action that's possible there if you're the victim of circumstance. Whereas you can say, this sucks, and exactly, what am I going to do next? Exactly?

Debbie R. Weiss: 25:56

And it's empowering, you know, in one way, when you realize, you look back and you're like, oh, it's all me, like, I'm the one who got me where I am today. But you know, you got to leave that behind, because now thinking, well, that means that I'm in control of everything that happens ahead of me. And that's a great, great realization.

Laura Bowman: 26:18

No, the other piece that's so like, and this is what I'm always trying to tell women. And I talk to myself about this constantly, because I'm I'm in the same boat usually, but it's like, we need that little bit of evidence, right? Like, you get just a little bit of evidence that your mindset shift, and the way you're approaching Weight Watchers, you're getting a little win, and then you're like, oh, and it sparks a bigger mindset shift. But we need that evidence, like without that, take

Colette Fehr: 26:49

any of those steps to create the possibility of evidence or hang in there with perseverance and grit. You never get the evidence. You need to be more motivated toward that new direction. Definitely

Debbie R. Weiss: 26:59

true. I mean, you know, I'm describing it as like, Oh, I just did this, and then, boom, I lost the weight. Well, no, of course not. You know it, it's an ongoing, it's an ongoing battle. And I could say to everybody else, you know, how's what you're doing working for you? That's kind of what I thought to myself. Well, clearly I haven't been successful here, so I might as well, you know, try another way. And then it gets exciting, because, right, you're learning something new, you're exploring something, you know, you gotta kind of go all in. I think that's what I did then I was started to listen to podcasts. I had never listened to podcasts before. I remember saying to my friend, it was when they weren't that popular. I'm like, Who are these people you're listening to? I don't understand. Like, who are they? Do you know these people? Are they famous people? Like, are you just listening to anyone? And she said, Yeah, you know I I said, Well, who do I listen to? And she said, Well, just start searching on any topic that you're interested in. And of course, all I could think of was weight so I started listening to some weight loss people. And, you know, I actually heard Elizabeth as a guest on one of the shows. And then I ditched the weight loss and went to her. And then, but then I kept, I kept exploring. I think that's what it is. I kept exploring. And even when I was unsuccessful, you know, I might have had a little bit of a setback and said, Oh, this is stupid, or, you know, whatever you tell yourself. But, and then I just thought, well, let me try a different way. Let me try something else. And, and for me, I think it was really being open minded, because my memoir is called On second thought, dot, dot, dot. Maybe I can, and I say it like that, because I'm someone who's I'm a scaredy cat like, besides being afraid of like the dark and spiders and monsters and all those things, I have always been afraid to put myself out there or try something new, and it could have been a little dumb thing that someone suggested. And I'm going to use knitting because that that's something that, you know, why don't you learn to knit? No knitting. I can't do that. You know, that's my initial reaction. Is always, no, no, I'm not creative. I always had, like, a million excuses. And the minute that I learned, well, wait a second. Dot, dot, dot. You know, you give yourself a minute and say, well, on second thought, you know, why not? Maybe I can do that, and when I started doing that, that's when my life started changing.

Colette Fehr: 29:49

That makes so much sense. Debbie, it's the willingness to explore and to keep going, to be flexible, to not give up and see. What happens? Because I love that you're sharing with everyone that you didn't know exactly what you wanted, you didn't know what your dreams were. I relate to that so much, and had also convinced myself of a lot of things, like, I don't have any talents and certain things I might want aren't possible. And you know, you don't always realize how much what you're telling yourself is holding you back. It just feels like the truth. But when we're willing to go on a journey and explore and you're not so dependent on the outcome, it's just, why not? Why not try it and see if it leads to anything, and see how I feel about it, you might discover that you're good at something you had no idea. You might discover you love something that you had no idea you were interested in. And who knows, it could lead to a career, a hobby, a new set of friends, a learning experience, or all of the above. So I think it's so important for women to hear you don't have to know what your dream is to chase it. You just have to be willing to start chasing and getting out there and taking some action to explore, and you'll figure it out as you go, because that's what sounds like, what you did and still doing.

Laura Bowman: 31:16

Yes, what's your life like now? Like, take a take us into, like, a week in your life. So

Debbie R. Weiss: 31:25

boy, my life has changed so much. When I had that victim mentality, I would get up every day, and I don't want to say dread, because I wasn't, I wasn't dreading it, and I still was always kind of like an upbeat person on the outside. So it wasn't dread, but, you know, you hit the ground running on that to do list, right? I got to do this. I got to get to work. I, you know, oh my gosh, I look how late I am. I got to take a shower. You know, it was that and, you know, and then at the end of the day, what you I plopped down on the couch just watch mindless TV until it was time to go to bed and get up and do it again. Now, every day is different. I don't know who I'm going to meet, right? And pretty much when I say meet, it's virtually so yeah, like you guys, I It's that part is that's one of the best things to me, is connecting with so many amazing people all over the world, getting to have conversations like this. I mean, instead of dreading it, I like, look at my calendar, and I'm so excited for it. You know, the day, the day is I just can't wait. There is no dread involved. And some days, okay, you know, yeah, there's still that part, right? I still work in my insurance agency, but because of, like I said earlier, my team, I can be flexible right now. I'm talking to you from home. I was at my office yesterday. I'll be at my office tomorrow, but even when I'm there, I'm doing different things, you know? Now, I just finished that book, so now it's all about promoting the book and all of that. But I already am like book number three. What am I going to do for book number three? And thinking to myself, I have to go. The only way book number three is going to happen is the way the first two happened, and I have to make it happen, because it won't just happen if I say, oh, you know what? I feel like writing a book, it does take dedication, but I've done it, I'm gonna do it again, and so that also makes the day exciting. Now maybe it's okay. I'm gonna write for an hour, then I'm gonna go, you know, do a podcast. Then maybe I do have to do something with insurance, like it's just a whole mishmash of things that are exciting, truly exciting. The day is full of possibility. And I think so many people can relate to when you feel stuck in a rut and you feel that heavy dread, you know, waking up in the morning like time to make the donuts, versus jumping out of bed and feeling like, what is today going to bring? I have no idea, but I can't wait to see who I'm going to meet, what I'm going to learn, what new adventure I'm going to have, and you really created that for yourself. So I wonder if you could tell us a little bit about your book, The sprinkle effect that came out in November. Sure, your latest, latest book, and not your final, not my latest, final book, right? You know, I hope you don't mind, because I want to take a minute, because I think this is kind of important in that I never wanted to write a book, and this whole journey that I've been on led me to this, and I have discovered something about myself that I still am not Uber confident in saying, Oh, I'm a writer. I like to you know. Yeah, no, I have some limiting beliefs that I still have to get over there, you know, over with that, but oh my gosh, I wrote a book. I wrote two books, like I can't even believe it, and it did only happen because I was open to the possibility. And so just backtracking and quickly telling you this story is that through, you know, the winding road that my life has taken, I got to a point where I did want to reach other women, to let them know what I had learned. But how was I going to do that? You know, and I wanted to be a speaker, and that was something else that I uncovered, because I was petrified of public speaking, and because I said yes to something, I discovered that, oh, maybe I kind of like this. I can't believe it, right? And then a book seemed to be the natural progression. And I thought, Okay, well, I know there's something called ghost writers. Like, who do I hire to do this? I don't, you know, I don't have the money to hire blah, blah, blah. And I heard a woman on a podcast. Podcasts have been like such an integral part of my growth, and she helped first time authors get their stories out there. And I related to her, and so I contacted her, and I loved her, and she was launching a course for first time authors, weekly course to, you know, teach you how to basically write your book. And so I was all excited, but I was really scared, you know, was I good enough? What, you know, all the things. And then my husband got diagnosed, and I was seeing a therapist at the time, and I said to her, Well, I'm even embarrassed that I'm even telling you about this course, because I was going to sign up, but now, obviously, how can I do this? And she said, I disagree with you. I think this is exactly what you need, you are going to need something separate for yourself. And I thought, well, I said to her, Well, what if I can't show up every week, or what if there's homework and I don't do it? And what, you know? What if? What if? What if? And she said, Who cares? I was like, wow. And because of that, I joined, she was 100% right? It really helped me. It gave me something, even though writing was super hard and it wasn't like I looked forward necessarily to the writing, but it did give me something, something so different from everything that I was experiencing in my personal life, and so I made it a priority every every day I would write in my calendar when I was going to write, maybe it was at 530 or six in the morning before my husband got up. Maybe, if my husband was in the hospital, I dragged all my stuff to the hospital and set up shop. And when he was sleeping or went for a test I wrote there, sometimes it was 10 minutes, sometimes it was, you know, 40. And when he died, I was three chapters shy of finishing the book. So, you know, I just share that because, oh, for so many reasons. And who would think that at a time, you know, one of the worst times in my life, that learning something new would be a good idea. It just seems counterintuitive, you know, but it can be the best, really it was, and it

Colette Fehr: 38:35

was, it really

Debbie R. Weiss: 38:36

was. And so I did discover, hey, I kind of like this. And so when I wrote my memoir, I had to make I learned because I didn't know this, I had to make a decision of, is it a self help book? Is it a memoir? How is it going to be formatted? And so it's a memoir in that it's like 30 plus stories of my life that kind of tell a story, hopefully an inspirational one. And so after I wrote that, everyone said, Well, that's great, but what'd you do? And so that's what the sprinkle effect is, is that I have slowly sprinkled in different types of what I call rainbow sprinkles into my life. So a sprinkle of belief, a sprinkle of mindset, a sprinkle of discipline, action, curiosity, joy, you know, about 15 different sprinkles are in this book. And so in this book, I, you know, in each sprinkle, I tell you a little story about how and what that sprinkle means to me, and then talk about how you can apply it to your life. And at the end of every chapter, there are exercises and a journal prompt. And what I've learned, and I say a lot in the book, is you got to do the exercises. Right? Because how many books I've done it myself, a million times I read something and then it's like, oh, it tells you don't move on to the next chapter until you do the exercise. I'll be like, oh, yeah, right. I'm not doing those exercises, or I'd read it, and I just kind of think about it for a second and then move on, like, almost kind of doing them. But what I've learned is that, you know, you take the only way that you really internalize what you're learning is to actually sit down and you know, to me, it is the pen and paper thing, and that's when you start discovering things about yourself that you never you never knew,

Colette Fehr: 40:41

right? You have to really go on a journey with yourself on the interior. And doing those exercises is so key. The book sounds wonderful, and it really does. So this is kind of a guide for how people can also take control of their life, take responsibility, go after what you want, even if you don't know what that is before we wrap up. You know, can you just share like, what would you want to leave a listener with as like, the best advice if you're struggling with some hard circumstances right now and you're feeling like, yeah, I will but later, or I just can't, because what would you say to someone going through something like that? You

Debbie R. Weiss: 41:23

have to start noticing your thoughts, right? Because I, like you said earlier, I thought my thoughts were true. I never thought, I never thought to question my thoughts. Like, what do you mean if I think it isn't it so it's true, right? I was like, Oh, so you mean, I'm lying to myself and catching yourself with the I can't and replacing it with maybe I can, because, you know, I think, all right, losing weight was a big, kind of daunting thing, even if it's something small, even if it's something that you'd love to do, that you you've convinced yourself that you no longer have time for, or something you know whatever, whatever it is that really lights you up, you can make it happen. You are really not busy 24 hours a day. And if you are right, you're making yourself that way that you don't need to. What about when we're scrolling on social media? What about when we're watching TV? You know, you could really get up 15 minutes earlier. You know, I used to be that person who timed it exactly right to, Okay, I gotta get out the door at eight o'clock. So how late can I wake up to, you know, brush my teeth, take a shower, get something you know, no, why was I doing that to myself? It was a terrible way to start the day. Start being honest with yourself. Notice your thoughts and figure out a strategy. Just do something, something for you, whatever it is, five minutes a day and it'll snowball.

Laura Bowman: 43:02

Do you think younger you mired in caregiving, would have listened to

Debbie R. Weiss: 43:06

you? Now that is such a good question. I think about that all the time. I think to myself, Did this come because I'm older, you know? And, and, and, how can I how can I tell the younger me? The same thing,

Laura Bowman: 43:25

yeah makes yes for her.

Debbie R. Weiss: 43:27

I don't know the answer to that. I don't know I I would like to think yes, but I was also it. Caregiving made me important. And caregiving, in a way back then, gave me a voice that I didn't know I had. And even though, when I was in it, I didn't feel that way, but I did know, looking back, I did definitely feel like it made me important. It made other people say, Oh my gosh, you're so terrific. I can't believe all you do for your father. Oh, how do you do it? You know? And, and it built me up. I hate to say it, but it's, it's the truth. So it's important

Laura Bowman: 44:15

to be honest about it. There's, there's something in it, right? Yeah,

Colette Fehr: 44:20

almost everything has some kind of secondary gain, and sometimes we don't see it until we're looking back. But Debbie, you're so inspirational. Thank you so much. And I'm gonna check out your book, and I hope everyone else will too, the sprinkle effect, it sounds wonderful. And also your memoir and your upcoming future as yet written, but sure to be spectacular book. So keep us posted on all of that too. I

Debbie R. Weiss: 44:49

will. Thank you so so much. This has been a fantastic, fantastic way to start my day.

Colette Fehr: 44:56

Likewise, likewise, we've loved having you. Thank you. Debbie. Great.

Laura Bowman: 45:00

So nice talking to you. I'm glad you're able to live this chapter of your life. How? Thank you.

Debbie R. Weiss: 45:05

Yeah, and anyone can, it's not just me. Yeah.

Laura Bowman: 45:10

We hope you enjoyed this episode, and if you did, please share with your friends and write us a five star review so we can share our podcast with the world, and we hope today that you got some insights from our couch. See

Colette Fehr: 45:24

you next time you.