Insights from the Couch - Mental Health at Midlife

Ep.50: One Year Anniversary! Just Start: How to Bring Big Ideas to Life (Without Having it All Figured Out)

• Colette Fehr, Laura Bowman • Season 4 • Episode 50

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Hey friends! We cannot believe we’re saying this—but it's officially been ONE YEAR since we launched Insights from the Couch! Not only are we celebrating our podcast anniversary, but this is also our 50th episode, and we're taking a moment to reflect on the wild, messy, beautiful journey that brought us here. Spoiler alert: we had no idea what we were doing when we started, but we’re proof that big things can happen when you leap before you feel "ready."

In this episode, we open up about the highs, the facepalms, and everything in between—from our tech-challenged beginnings to what we’ve learned about confidence, commitment, distress tolerance, and doing the damn thing scared. Whether you're dreaming of launching your own podcast, writing a book, or finally going after that idea you've been sitting on, we promise this episode will light a fire under you. And yes, we get vulnerable about our own fears and insecurities—because that’s just how we roll.

 

Episode Highlights:

[0:00] - Celebrating our one-year podcast anniversary and our 50th episode.
[1:28] - The unexpected start and original podcast name that didn’t make the cut.
[3:06] - Why we felt called to fill a gap for midlife women’s voices.
[4:39] - Our “just go for it” launch story—no formal course, all in on action.
[6:07] - Why starting before you’re ready is the key to unlocking clarity.
[7:50] - A powerful discussion on perfectionism and how it holds women back.
[9:35] - The underrated magic of willingness and how it drives everything.
[13:55] - Colette’s wild Cornell summer and learning through discomfort.
[16:00] - What distress tolerance really looks like in everyday life.
[18:44] - Building confidence through action, not waiting to “feel ready”.
[24:43] - Laura’s real talk on growing your work capacity and attention.
[26:58] - Colette’s TEDx talk moment and learning to survive embarrassment.
[31:48] - Riding the cringe: how to show up, even when it’s uncomfortable.
[33:07] - Behind the scenes of our partnership and working styles.
[34:35] - Announcing our new Midlife Master Class group (coming soon!).
[36:45] - The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying and why we’re not waiting anymore.
[38:00] - A call for listener questions—let us know how we can support YOU.

 

Resources:

We’re beyond grateful to each of you who has listened, shared, or supported Insights from the Couch over this past year. You’ve helped us build something truly special, and we can’t wait to grow even more together. If you loved this episode, please take a moment to rate, follow, share, and review—it means the world to us.

See you next week!

 

Colette Fehr:

John, welcome back to insights from the couch, mental health at midlife. Today is a very special episode because we're celebrating the one year anniversary of podcasting. In fact, the literal one year anniversary is tomorrow. We started on June 5, 2024 with our podcast launch party. In a way, it feels like four minutes ago, and in another way, it feels like an attorney. I can't believe we've ever not been doing this. So we've got some exciting things to share with you today in terms of how to bring your big ideas to life without having it all figured out. So you're going to want to listen to this one until the end. We're going to share some stories, but really geared toward helping you get your big idea off the ground. Yeah, I cannot

Laura Bowman:

even believe it's been a year. I mean, we've been doing this for a year, like 50 episodes,

Colette Fehr:

yes, and that's the thing, it's not just the one year anniversary, it's our 50th episode. It coincided beautifully. And what's crazy that I think we're going to dive into a little is that you I couldn't, I hadn't remembered this at first, but you were like, you know, we should really do a podcast, and we ran with it. We did not know what the fuck we were doing in any way, shape or form, right? We're both technologically let me be diplomatic beyond

Laura Bowman:

behind the curve. That seems so good for that, like I feel like I'm learning my way around my computer in ways I never would have

Colette Fehr:

well, except for the fact that I still have to prop up my microphone for every episode. Yeah, we've, we've come a long way. But I think the cool thing is that, you know, I remember I was writing my proposal for my book, for a non fiction book, you have to write a lengthy proposal with a business plan and a summary of every chapter. And you know, mine was 114 pages, so it's, like, basically almost as long. It's a novella. And now I can remember exactly where I was sitting when you said we should do this. And I was like, Oh, my God, we should, yeah, yeah, we should, yeah. Why aren't we? It's

Laura Bowman:

because I listened to like, six podcasts a day, yeah. And at some point you're like, well, I could do this. We could do this. And then we're like, these people who think that our conversations are somehow exceptional, because they are, but we're like, you know, it's like, when you think your kids are the cutest, we think our conversations are the best. At

Colette Fehr:

least we're aware we may be delusional. And you know what success is often due to a big fat pie of delusion, like believing in yourself and your greatness is not a bad thing.

Laura Bowman:

Who that one's still hard for me, like I know I I have a hard time with the delusional confidence, but this, but even just this has been such a great lesson in practicing which I can get behind and

Colette Fehr:

commitment. And that's a big part of it, is that, once we decided, and in fact, it seems so long ago now, I wanted to call it. What did I want to call it that? Oh, friends with therapists, like a riff of friends with benefits that I still love that title, but we found out somebody else had started a podcast with that title, and even though they didn't follow through, that could bring up legal concerns. So it was now, it seems so natural, and we're so in a flow of doing this, but it was daunting at first, even though it was a clear yes from both of us, and I think there was a void in the space out there of a really strong voice for women at midlife that's empowered and holistic and isn't just mental health, but is All of the things mental health touches in our lives. You know, our successes, our well being, our physical health, our friendships, our relationships. So we really wanted to break because that's all we talk about. Really, we don't ever talk about, like, small talk, bullshit, ever, right?

Laura Bowman:

Yeah, pursuit of happiness is all we ever talk about,

Colette Fehr:

yes, and overcoming fear and existential issues. So it seemed, it did seem worthy to bring these conversations and start a build a community for women to have these conversations. Yeah.

Laura Bowman:

Do you remember when we first started and we were like, Okay, let's meet next weekend and we're going to buy a course that's going to teach us how to do a podcast. Yes?

Colette Fehr:

And we never did it,

Laura Bowman:

no. And we were like, so overwhelmed by, like, the equipment we'd need to own, and we had no idea, like, how. We were going to make it work? Were we going to be in the same room together? Like, what platform? What did we need? Headphones? Like we were so confused. You know,

Colette Fehr:

when you say all of that, I think about how much we have figured out. And I think this is one of the big takeaways we want to give to you guys today, is that as therapists and as women who started a podcast and didn't know what we were doing or even if it would go anywhere, we didn't anticipate being a top 5% podcast. You know, we had no idea if it would be like our mothers and like our daughters listen. I don't think my mother listens. Mine, does mine. That's hilarious. But, you know, we weren't anticipating that it would be. We weren't thinking it wouldn't be. We just didn't know, but we committed to doing it anyway. And I think the big key is that we started before we felt ready. Yes,

Laura Bowman:

yes. We started like, scared. We started, like, just jumping in and saying, like, it's going to be whatever it is, right? And we're

Colette Fehr:

doing it no matter what, yes, and we're going to bring our authentic selves to the process, and the people who with whom it resonates will listen. And, you know, hopefully, we'll find our audience. And of course, that's happened, but there was no guarantee. And I think it could have been easy to keep saying, Okay, let's spend, you know, a year ideating. You can really get stuck in that phase of thrashing with your ideas and telling yourself, okay, as soon as this milestone happens, then I'll start. And what we want to say today is, don't wait for that. The best way to get clarity and to learn and to figure it out is to start really messy, start scared, fuck up a lot. That is the only way.

Laura Bowman:

Yeah, there's the line of, like, if something is worth doing, it's worth doing badly, which, like most women are like, No, that's not the line. It's like, if something's worth doing, it's worth doing really well. And I think this is the thing I see in women more than I see certainly, in men. And I don't mean to make it a gender thing, but it is, is that women are so about getting it right. Like, I'm in this, like, health coaching thing right now, and every woman's like, yeah, I've I've never coached anyone, but I'm gonna get like, multiple degrees first. Like, I'm gonna get multiple certificates before I feel ready to do the thing. And they never get around to doing the thing, because confidence is made in the doing. Yep, it is. It's not something you can get beforehand and then do the thing,

Colette Fehr:

right? You're here. So, right? I think this is why, you know, 60% of women have imposter syndrome. Very few men have imposter syndrome. Society look at even the way men sit, right? I mean, I realize they have, like, a big organ and balls dangling there, and that's part of it, but part of it also is like, I get to take up space, right? They man spread, and they just, like, open their legs, and they feel permit where I'm always sitting. Like, yes, shrunken your legs have to be clear. It's like the demure thing. And I'm not really demure at all, but it's just interesting the way we are cultivated and raised to doubt ourselves, to be humble to the point of self flagellation. Yeah. So it is a hard sell, and I guess you don't really have to feel confident. I always say this, you just have to be willing. You have to be willing to take action without confidence. And you could argue that's what courage is, right taking a leap, it's easy to say these things and what sound like, social media, sound bites, but it's also easy to endorse them intellectually or philosophically, but when it comes to the nitty gritty day today, if there's something out there that you want even a little bit and you're not sure you can do it, or you're not sure where it will go, that's okay, but it's worth exploring and taking some small action to dabble in it, test the waters, you know, and be willing to be bad at it, like you said, Yeah, because that's willingness.

Laura Bowman:

Willingness is like, such an underrated attribute. I was actually writing my daughter her graduation letter, because she graduated from college a weekend ago, and the one thing that I see with like my daughter is that she has always had such profound willingness like to try out for teams when there was no guarantee she'd make it to show up for like outward. Round trips when she had, like, she was being dropped in, like, Yosemite, like, you know, with a shovel to, like, poop in the ground, like, and she was just willing to do it. And she's willing to, like, apply for jobs. And I'm like, I can't, you can't teach people that. So, like, it's like being practice willingness to just be somewhere and to start, yeah, is, is like, it's like, it's halfway, it's even beyond the start.

Colette Fehr:

It's probably the biggest part of the battle. And I'm thinking about it as you say this, because I see some of that in my kids too. But I do think you can teach willingness. I think you can create, you can condition the muscle. I don't even think it's about teaching. I think it's just about doing. Because when I look back on myself and my younger years, I didn't have a lot of willingness now, I took big risks in certain areas. That's so hard for me to believe. Well, I think I did in certain capacities, like I would apply for jobs. I would throw myself into experiences where I didn't know anyone. You know, I did a lot of things. Like I went to camps in another country where I didn't know a single person. You know, I did that summer program at Cornell, and my roommate was an inmate who had been, like, released from juvie. Yeah, I never told you this. No so real fast I did. It's kind of interesting, especially when you realize it comes down to cigarettes. So I applied for this summer program at Cornell University because I wanted to be a veterinarian. Now I wanted to be a veterinarian, because I love animals, but the fact that I can't even look at a sliver of blood, literally without wanting to vomit, did not bode well for a career in medicine. So in the morning, it was very cool, because they had a huge veterinary medicine they have one of the top veterinary schools in the country. Yeah, they had a program for architecture, they had a program for engineering, and I think it was like international politics or something. And there were about 700 high school students from around the country, and even some international who lived in this set of dorms on one part of Cornell's campus. And we were there for like, eight weeks or something, and it was the summer between either my sophomore and junior, junior and senior year of college of high school. And so in the morning, you could take two classes that were would go toward your college degree. I took creative writing and theater, and then in the afternoon, I spent from one to five o'clock every day during the week at the vet school, mostly doing necropsies animal autopsies. Sounds so fun, yeah, and I would come out in like a hazmat suit, looking like Carrie covered in blood, like I'll never forget, the horse's esophagus bouncing out of its throat when they slit it like a huge vacuum cleaner. And I was like, my dad kept saying, oh, you know, my dad's a doctor. You get used to the blood eventually. I'm like, I don't know. Basically, what I learned is, I shouldn't be anyone's doctor, right? Like, that was the wrong even, like a rat, okay, yeah, so. But I loved the creative writing and I loved the theater. So anyway, when you're filling out the application 700 students, keep this in mind, there's a place, because this is in, I don't know, 1989 1990 that says, Do you smoke cigarettes? Well, at the time, I was a die hard smoker. So were many people, but most people didn't have the balls to say they wanted a smoking room on their application that parents might see. I wrote smoking, and I remember arguing with my parents about it, and I was like, whatever. I'm a smoker, and you can't stop me, and you have to accept it. Well, only like eight people out of 700 checked smoking, including an inmate. Yes, so this girl inmate is a little harsh, but there was a program through Boys Town, which is a wonderful organization, where kids that had gotten in some trouble and had been in like some kind of juvenile facility could be rehabilitated and given a chance to have access to this wonderful school. So it was great. My roommate was super sweet, but she made friends with all these people in downtown Ithaca who were super sketchy, and they were constantly in my room doing drugs and like it was insane. So I was like, scared half the time in my room.

Laura Bowman:

That was, like, even beyond, like, your comfort level, right, right,

Colette Fehr:

right. But I ended up being friends with all of them. It was super chill. But looking back, I'm like, only I would end up at Cornell, at this, like, prestigious program with this Bucha. Stuff for a mate, yeah, so I

Unknown:

put my cigarettes

Colette Fehr:

right because of cigarettes. So anyway, you know, those are the kind of risks I took. But the point that I'm going to make here is that those risks weren't really out of my comfort zone. I've always been adventurous, and when it comes to people, risks that I was uncomfortable with, I didn't take until later in life, and I think that's the big thing. You and I talk about this a lot. It comes down to distress tolerance.

Laura Bowman:

More about that. I want to know where you're going with this, because I have a whole relationship with this that, I mean, I think I'm a little unlike you, and much more inhibited. And it's been like, I think starting things and taking risks is like doing a box jump for me, or like, standing at the deep end of the swimming pool being like, I'm gonna jump in. I'm gonna jump in. One day, I'm gonna jump in and like, I like, really overthink things. So tell me what you're thinking about distress tolerance.

Colette Fehr:

So I'm really glad to hear you say that I'm not sure I know what a box jump is. So you know where you're standing

Laura Bowman:

there, and you, like, have to, like, jump on the box, and you're not sure you're gonna do it without, like, busting your

Colette Fehr:

knees. Now I know why. I don't know what a box jump is. Okay, you're

Laura Bowman:

not sure you're gonna get it. And you're like, I think I'm gonna get it. And, yeah, it's a little scary. No,

Unknown:

that's a lot of my life is a box jump, yeah,

Colette Fehr:

either jumping up or diving into the pool. So I think that I'm gonna jump, I'm gonna jump, I'm gonna jump. And overthinking. I think that's where a lot of us get stuck. And I'd be lying if I said that didn't happen to me too. There wasn't fear, there wasn't doubt. There was an overthinking. In fact, on this trip to Italy, having some space, I could feel certain doubts creeping in about all the things I'm doing and the negative, fearful ideation, the narration was like, what if you mess up like you're climbing and climbing and climbing, and you're feeling more confident. But look how high you've climbed, and now the fall could really hurt. And what are you not real, like you're not scared enough, almost like it's dangerous to feel safe. It's

Laura Bowman:

funny how that like creeps up as soon as you slow down and like, settle into your like, yeah, motion. Staying in motion is sometimes like, a benevolent thing, totally.

Colette Fehr:

But the way I talked back to it, which I think is key and builds distress tolerance, is to say, Okay, it's normal to have fear. It's normal to have doubt it's okay. You know, I am taking on a lot, and you then I redirect myself like I notice the thought. I don't fight the thought away, but I don't lean into the thought. I redirect myself into I trust myself to like what's valuable. I get curious about what's valuable about that message. And I think what's valuable is to say, you know, I move so fast and everything I do so I do make a lot more mistakes than some people, but I also get a lot more shit done. So I think part of distress tolerance too is being willing to make mistakes. And what's valuable about the message, like, oh, you should be scared to me is to say, okay, what can I learn from this part of me that's telling me a fearful story? Okay, maybe I need to slow down a little in some respects. Maybe I need to think some things through a little more thoroughly. Like, it's great to do the box jump and the dive into the pool, but sometimes we do need to slow down and think a little

Laura Bowman:

shit. We're so opposite on this, yeah, like, you, you have to, like, sort of like, bring yourself down, or say, like, maybe we need to be cautious or think through this. That's my default Mac, and that's my default mode. I need more activation energy. Like, I need the kind of thing that, like, pushes you up on the box, or, like, the thing that compels you into the water. And I've had a, like, a really rough time facing those things. Mainly, I think, just to be totally honest, my life has been pretty comfortable, yeah, and I see this a lot in clients, and I know we've talked about it a lot, here is that if, if you're comfortable, it's it's really hard to get the necessary activation energy to confront something, because it's like, you don't have to do anything. And it's like, why would you risk feeling silly or embarrassed or putting yourself out there, or trying something, if like, or even like, you know, some of these things that I've done in the last couple of years that I don't think are gonna I just kind of did them reactively, like I got a real estate license and I got a mortgage broker's license, because my that's what my husband does, and I did it kind of. Help him. But there were years Colette that I sat around going, I could probably get a real estate license. And then I'd go, I don't know. I don't know if I'm really cut out for real estate. I'm probably, I mean, I could do real estate if that's what I wanted to do. I don't really want to do real estate, right? That's not the point. The point is I would sit and tell myself there's, oh, that test is probably hard. There's probably things on that test that I wouldn't be good at, like the math is probably a limiting factor for me. It was fine when I once, I finally had enough activation energy to confront these things. I got them done. I passed the test easily. It was no big deal, right? And then I thought, huh, I spent 10 years negotiating with myself about whether or not I could do something like that. And that goes for like, what we're doing now with the podcast is that there was no activation energy pushing me toward anything. So I just was, like, mired in doubt. And I was like, why would I look foolish if I don't need to? Right? I lived there

Colette Fehr:

for a long time. I think we all do. I think I'm so glad you're sharing this, because I think that's so relatable. I relate to that from so many things in the past. And this is where it comes down to a couple things. I think, first of all, you have to want the thing you're gonna do. And the best life is one in which you live it, doing what you love, right, truly what you love. And if you can make money, somehow, enough money to support yourself and live a secure life doing something you love. To me, that is the greatest win that and having good, connected relationships doesn't have to be romantic, just good people in your life you feel safe with. That's the win. So if you don't really like you had a reason eventually to want to be a realtor, right, helping your husband, whatever, yeah, if you didn't have a reason or a why, or if you didn't want it, then you probably never would do it. I think where people are robbing themselves is there are things they dream about or that they think are exciting or interesting, and the narrative is, I'm too busy. It's not the right time. My kids, oh, I don't know where to start. I wouldn't know how to do that. I probably couldn't make money at that. And I think what I want to say to people is, you know what you don't know until you try to find out and your willingness is, start researching, start call someone who does that on the other side of the world, if need be and ask to do a zoom. Offer them some value in return. I mean, tell them read their book like whatever the case may be. Start to find out what goes on in that kind of a job or hobby. Dabble in it like we've talked about before. The active dabble see if the thing you think you might love lights you up the way you imagine it does. And if you start to take action, there's a way. I'm convinced now, especially in today's world with the internet, I think there's a way to make money at anything. And there are people out there who are not as talented as you, not as knowledgeable, not as kind hearted, some of them just have the narcissism to like do it without offering anyone anything, and they're making a killing. So I think the willingness is to get into the act of dabble, but also to do it uncomfortable. It is not going to be possible to take action and not feel if you're especially if you're not narcissistic, if you do, like most of us, we're women, we know our value, but at the same time, we can doubt ourselves. You're going to have some self doubt. There's going to be a voice and a part in there saying you're not ready, or what are you doing? Or right? You're going to embarrass yourself, and maybe you will

Laura Bowman:

a little bit along the way. Maybe you will. And you know, the other piece of it that I just for me personally, that I've has come together over the last five years, maybe for me, maybe, maybe even, like, shorter term than that, like, the last two and a half three years, is you have to grow your capacity for work. I know we've talked about this before, but like, if you just don't, if you don't trust yourself, if you don't think you can do something or, like, pay attention for long enough. I mean, people's focus in today's world is like

Colette Fehr:

mine shot, I can't read a book anymore.

Laura Bowman:

I mean, I bought the like little cube timers for ADHD, where it's like, I'll set it for like, a 50 minute work block or a 25 minute work block, just to get like, focused work done. Yeah, but over the period of, like, two or three years, this podcast is a great example doing certain trainings and programs that I've done, and a freaking real estate learning the real estate stuff or the mortgage stuff. Like, it's, I've grown this capacity for work. And it's like, if you don't trust yourself that, like, you can get something done, you have to start somewhere, yeah, you know? And I think that's like the first little unit you build is like, can I direct my attention somewhere for a sustained period of time? Yeah. And

Colette Fehr:

also discipline, right? No one wants to talk about discipline anymore, but it's an hugely important quality that we have, that some of this does need, the ability to work hard and grind, but you can't get to any of that if you're not willing to put yourself out there. And this is, I do think, that distress tolerance, the willingness to embarrass yourself. I'll give you an example with very exciting news that I've now posted all over the world. So I found out, I told you this, that my TEDx Talk is supposed to get picked up by Ted like I've seen the email, thank you, with my own eyes, that they sent to usfsm, which is where I did my TEDx talk, saying we're going to pick this up and distribute it as an editor's pick. It's going to go out to 42 million subscribers. I mean, that makes me so happy that my talk will get out there, the message reaching more people. And of course, it's great for my book, because my talk secrets of a couples therapy therapist, is really about what my books about speaking up and using your voice no matter what's going on in your relationship, and the right way to do it. Okay? So I got all excited. I don't know when it's coming out, you know, I wrote about it in my sub stack. I've, like, posted about it online, and then I was like, Oh my God. You know, it like anything, it's not done till it's posted,

Laura Bowman:

right? They changed their mind? Yeah. I mean, they could, we've edited yours out, yeah, or,

Colette Fehr:

like, anything could happen. They could until it's posted. And then I was like, God, I should have waited. Like, I got too excited. And I was like, guess what? World? And then I was like, You know what? So what's the worst case? First of all, that's just like fear and paranoia. It's probably going to be fine, and I'm sure it's going to get posted, although it can take a long time, like I've heard that it can take months for them to actually post your talk. But you know what? I also realized I had a lot of like, almost like, shame and embarrassment, that it would be so humiliating. First of all, nobody cares. Nobody's paying attention to my life, right? Like I might feel that way a little, but not really. I just decided, Oh, well, like, if it for some reason, doesn't happen, that would be such a bummer. I think the biggest part isn't people like friends. It said I told my editors, and I would feel embarrassed in front of them if it doesn't happen. But oh well. You know, maybe next time, maybe there's a lesson in it, that next time, maybe I save this great news till something like that comes to fruition. But at the end of the day, even though I would feel I will feel a little bit of embarrassment if that happens like, it's not going to kill me. I can survive being embarrassed. I think if you don't have that, though, and that gets built, yeah,

Laura Bowman:

and I do not have that. Like, I think that I am so embarrassment sensitive, like, this is such an inborn thing to me. Like, I am so cringe sensitive. Like there, and I see it in my children, like, like, my I have one son who, like, will say to his father, like, Don't talk when we go in here, like, don't say anything. Like, he can't stand the way my husband interacts with people sometimes, and it's like, because he's so embarrassment sensitive. And I'm like, I have that. I have that too, Laura, I I have it in like, spades. Like, okay, I do too. Like, you're so far beyond me in this, like, like, it appears to be that you're far beyond me in this, okay,

Colette Fehr:

but I think that is the point I'm trying to make with these things. I feel like I too, didn't do some of this stuff earlier because of that embarrassment sensitivity. I mean, I remember moments of embarrassment that were almost traumatic from being six years old, like I am embarrassed too

Laura Bowman:

very easily. Do you think this is like more of a woman thing,

Colette Fehr:

probably, but I also think some of it is just personality. And I think being a highly sensitive person, you know, I feel more deeply. I'm plugged into all the nuances of things I will feel. Great embarrassment. If I feel like I said the wrong thing that maybe offended someone like I'll ruminate over that. So I think what I want to say to you guys, our listeners, is that if someone like me, who is so embarrassment sensitive, can build more capacity to tolerate embarrassment. And I'm not saying that if something goes wrong with my TEDx talk or my book, I'm not gonna, like die 1000 deaths of embarrassment. I will, but I have more confidence that I can, like, move through those unpleasant feelings and get to the other side. And I think you have to have some willingness. We feel so self conscious. It's the spotlight effect, which means it feels like the eyes of the world are on you when I started posting on social media, which is something I would not be doing if it were not for my book. You know, I would have thought me five years ago. Would have thought someone like me, like, Oh my God. Like, get over yourself. Like, stop posting, go home. Like enough of you, you know. And I still have to deal with that cringe, but it is the way of the modern world. It's what you have to do to market yourself. It's how you have to build an audience. So I'm doing it, and I just ride through the cringe. And I think the only way to get better at dealing with embarrassment, self consciousness and cringe is to actually do these things, yeah, and you badly and do them badly. Do them right. Like, sometimes they go well, and sometimes you do. I told you. Someone said, like, Why is your face so long? Someone else I posted said it's time for a rhinoplasty.

Unknown:

What is wrong with people? I know my

Colette Fehr:

poor nose, it's so mean, but like, Whatever, whatever you you, wherever you are today, you'll get better at handling it through action. Yeah. I mean, it's the only way.

Laura Bowman:

So what are we saying here? We're saying, okay, the capacity for work start before you're ready.

Colette Fehr:

Yes, let it be messy. That action and that active. Dabble again. We talk about this all the time, but we can't say it enough. That is the only way to get more clear about what it is you do want, what you like and don't like, how it works, and the only way that you can build confidence, yeah,

Laura Bowman:

and I just want to say, and if I haven't said it enough like there's been such like alchemy to, like working together, like it's like going to the gym with a Friend, or like having somebody you're accountable to. Like, there's no way I would have gotten this thing off the ground without working with you. Like, it's just, it's we work well together. I'm so used to working your way now i I'll never forget when I first, we first did paperwork together. Do you remember that back in like, back when we worked at the avenue

Colette Fehr:

for the divorce group, no, no,

Laura Bowman:

no, we did, like, intake, paperwork, practices, yes, and I thought I was gonna go over to your place to, like, work on this for like an hour, and, oh my god. Like, what happened?

Colette Fehr:

I don't remember what happened.

Laura Bowman:

I just it was such a process. Like you are, your process is so unique. Like you just, how so you just, like, type everything out, and you're like, you really think about it, and you're like, do you like that indentation? Do you like that do you like that color? Do you think that that should be a space between here, and I'm just like, oh fucking God. Like, we were like, five hours later, and I'm like, we're still working on it.

Colette Fehr:

That's when I lived at Lake Lily. Yes, I remember.

Laura Bowman:

And I just was like, I like, oh my god, she's so thorough and, like, intense, and I and now I just understand that when we're going to do something, it's going to be like, we're going to throw it all out there, we're going to refine it. Yeah, it's going to be intense, and it's going to take a while. That's the other thing I want to say while we're on this subject, is, yeah, this is all going to take longer than you think. Yep, you know, you think you're gonna get something done in, you know, a month or something, it's gonna take longer, but it's okay. Like, I think the work works on you more than you work on it sometimes, yeah? And that's the cool thing, yeah.

Colette Fehr:

And we've learned so much from doing the podcast. Things that were challenging at the beginning aren't challenging anymore, and now we're on to new challenges. You know, we're starting an online group based on a group that we've run in person called the midlife master class. So we'll have info about that coming soon at insights from the couch.org. If you want to check that out. You. It's really a group about what we're talking about today, actually getting into action and really knowing and understanding yourself so that you're not getting in your own way. And it doesn't really matter if what you want is to start a podcast or start a new business or write a book or develop a new hobby like take a painting, right? Or become a runner. It does not matter what it is. It's about activating your best self at this stage of life, because life is so short and we don't know how long we have, and to look back and have regret, right? That's the Top Five Regrets of the Dying. According to Bronnie Ware, the hospice nurse who sat with people for years on their deathbed, the number one thing they all said is, I wish I had lived my life for me and done what I really wanted. So this is about you don't have to achieve great heights unless that's what you want. It's about living the life you want. And as women, we have so much put on us, so many expectations, so many messages, so many people we have to take care of. We're not saying drop all of that, but we are saying, make space for yourself and figure out what fills you up before it's too late. Amen, that's what we're saying. Yes. So check out our website, insights from the couch.org, and also, what we want to do for this next year is really get a lot of feedback from you in terms of your questions. We want to answer those in our episodes. So write us an email at info, at insights from the couch.org. Topics you want to hear about, questions you have for us, you know we may even do like a grab bag episode where we just answer your questions as therapists, obviously, we can't do therapy on air, but we're open to any and all questions. So please reach out to us, and we're so grateful. Yeah, we are grateful. But we also want to hear where you're stuck, like, let us, let what we do, and we see lots of people, and so we have, like, a really broad base of like, experience in this. And also we, like, are living this firsthand all time, yep. So we're doing the same, day, not us, yeah, yeah. We get stuck all the time too. Yes, yeah, but that's the thing, right? Women coming together, good, supportive, empowering, women who aren't competitive or bitchy, who women who want to lift each other up, that we all succeed together, and that we have an abundance mentality, meaning there's room at the top for everybody, like we don't have to cut each other down. We can all lift each other up. And I really mean that. I mean that's such a backbone of our friendship, is that we support each other, we encourage each other, we're happy for each other's successes. And frankly, those are the only kind of women I'm interested in knowing. And I think that's really our goal with this, is to have a community. So talk to us. Let us know where you're stuck, what you want to know, what you want us to talk about, and we're going to really look forward to this next year. We're so grateful to everyone for listening. I don't think we ever imagined that the podcast would do as well as it's done. And thank you to everybody for joining us.

Laura Bowman:

Yay, next year will be even better.

Colette Fehr:

Yes, yes. Okay, so thank you everyone. Don't forget to check out insights from the couch.org. I had to think about what our website was there for a minute, because brain fog is still real at menopause. And thank you all again. We'll see you next week on insights from the couch. Bye. You.