Anti-self development hack: how to AVOID working on your patterns.

You’re battling the same sneaky story that your brain likes to tell you - that it’s your fault for not being gracious enough and understanding enough and reframing your frustration with your team….

Newsflash: you aren’t supposed to be resenting anything in your ideal everyday life! That’s a red flag that something’s wrong.

So why are you sitting there, stewing in your own “should I say something to my content VA or should I let it blow over again” juices, instead of tweaking your workflows to stop this problem in the first place?

Here’s my sneaky UN-self-development hack....

You’ve got this!

Alyssa

Love your daily life again as a work-at-home mom: https://yourunbusylife.com/

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Transcript

This is the Unbusy Mom, and today we’re talking about my anti-self development hack: how to AVOID working on your patterns!

Don’t fix the story in your head - do this instead!

You HATE it when you’ve got to wait on team for your reformatted “voice text to myself” episodes, and you really wanted that download from 2 days ago to go out tomorrow....

You’re battling the same sneaky story that your brain likes to tell you - that it’s YOUR fault for not being gracious enough and understanding enough and REFRAMING your frustration with your team….

When I think you should lean into that resentment and use it to make a change.

Newsflash: you aren’t supposed to be resenting anything in your ideal everyday life! That’s a red flag that something’s wrong!

So why are you sitting there, stewing in your own “should I say something to my content VA or should I let it blow over again” juices, instead of tweaking your workflows to stop this problem in the FIRST place?

I’ll tell you why. It’s because you’re afraid the “mature” thing to do is just put up with it. Adjust to it. Manage your emotions AROUND it.

When all that’s really telling you to do is be a martyr about it and pat yourself on the back for how enlightened you’ve become.

Listen - when I was griping and snapping at my husband every single Monday night when the girls were little (because our community group night was way far away and it was hours past the kids’ bedtime), did it do any good to keep telling myself I SHOULDN’T be losing my temper?

That’s what I was thinking - that this was my Christian sanding process here, to stay out 2 hours too late and somehow be cheerful about it - but that was completely the WRONG way to go about it!

Instead of not taking action for months, what if I’d DONE something about our family’s schedule after the first month of late nights and short tempers, and said “we need to stop doing this?”

What if I’d USED my resentment and frazzle as a beacon pointing me where to cut OUT?

(I didn’t know any better, so I never did speak up then, but I’m decades farther down the “speak up and make changes” road now, and I can tell you, I like our life way better now!)

DON’T put up with resentment.

DON’T let yourself be the martyr.

DON’T accept another “it’s just my duty to deal with this” when it’s OTHER people’s unacceptable behavior.

No, you DON’T have to. That’s not part of the mom job description.

What you DO need to do is just start tweaking your dinner time schedule, how much work transition time you’re allowing yourself before you start prepping supper, instituting some “everyone clears the table and sweeps up and does dishes” chores so YOU’RE not on the hook for everything, oh and simplify your recipe expectations while you’re at it so you’re no longer dreading which thing you’ve got to cook tonight. (If THEY’RE so set on homemade kung pao chicken, they can learn to make it themselves!)

So if you’re dealing with this resentment overload, and you’ve been turning it back on yourself as a “why aren’t *I* developed enough to deal with this,” it’s time to stop.

Just make the changes to your calendar that let you bypass that particular problem all together.

No, you’re not skipping out on needed self-development or emotional resilience by doing that. (You’ll get enough of THAT just from the parenting role!)

And give yourself a break on the “always have to be zen and spiritual and unruffled” expectations (and just set up your DAY to have plenty of break periods, so you’re never in “running on fumes” grouchy state)!

That’s my sneaky UN-self-development hack - and I bet YOU can try it.

Go ahead.

Tweak something about your schedule instead of doing more inner child work on yourself or seeing a therapist about that.

Pencil in that “coloring while listening to a podcast time” (with the GOOD pencils!) rather than trying to reframe your expectations around getting an hour and 20 minutes every evening to kick back and telling yourself you should be satisfied with LESS.

See if you’re magically better because you took the other way ‘round.

I’m betting on it.