Ep. 18 - Breaking Free from the Device Battles – A Collaborative Approach

Are you constantly battling your kids over screen time? Do devices feel like an ever-present struggle in your home? In this episode of webe Parents, Dr. Alona Pulde and Dr. Matthew Lederman dive into the challenges of device use, exploring why kids are so drawn to screens and how parents can foster a healthier, more balanced relationship with technology—without endless fights.

Matt and Alona share personal stories, insights into the addictive nature of devices, and practical strategies to help kids connect with their internal values around screen time. Learn how collaboration, open communication, and a shared understanding of technology’s benefits and pitfalls can transform the way your family navigates device use.

Plus, hear about an upcoming webe Parents eBook designed to help kids recognize the pull of devices and develop self-awareness around their usage.

Tune in for an enlightening conversation that will help you move beyond device wars and into a space of connection, trust, and balance.

To learn more about what Alona & Matt are up to check us out at webeparents.com, or follow us on our socials at Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, or YouTube. Be sure to subscribe to webe Pärents wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts.

Transcript

[00:00:00] 

Alona: Welcome to We Be Parents, where we explore the joys and challenges of parenting, share heartfelt stories, and help families grow closer together. Hi, I'm Dr. Alona Pulde. And hi, 

Matt: I'm Dr. Matthew Lederman. 

Alona: And we are so excited to be here with you today. And today we're talking about a topic that is near and dear to our heart and we imagine is true for a lot of parents now, which is The notion of device use.

Matt: Device use. Are you sure we want to get into this? 

Alona: Oh, dive right in. But before we dive in, don't forget to hit that subscribe button. When you subscribe, you'll always stay connected to the latest parenting tips and stories, and you'll help us grow this amazing community. 

Matt: So device time, you know, just even talking about it, I noticed a little bit of tension in my stomach.

Just imagining the device wars that you can have with the kids, it's pretty intense. 

Alona: It is really intense. It's you know, kids are so, invested as a nice word. invested in their games and their shows and their apps and their social media. And with all of the stuff that's available to them on these devices, it's no wonder that they want to spend, you know, as much time as they possibly can on them.

And that's separate from the actual addictive nature of the devices themselves. 

Matt: Yeah. I mean, you know they're addicted when you Ask your kid, hey, what's the longest you've gone without your tablet? And they ask, the sleeping count. 

Alona: Ha ha 

Matt: ha. You know, that's Seriously. That's the same. But how do we Connect to the fact that there is an addictive process going on here without them feeling [00:02:00] judged in a way that they can understand what that means.

I think that's the biggest part of what I hope to accomplish today is to help people understand what took me a while to understand, which was when I talk about brain health or health in general, it doesn't really mean much to the kids. There's thinking. This is fun. It feels good. It's a good time. I'm laughing.

I'm connecting with friends. I'm winning the games. There's so many needs met by using a device, and if we don't recognize that, it's going to be hard to connect with the kids, especially if they think you're trying to get in the way of that, and you're the only problem with the device is that my parents don't like it.

Alona: Yeah, I think balancing both of the things that you shared, you know, where parents worry about health, they worry about personal connection. But for kids, devices are fun and they're exciting and they're stimulating and they offer opportunities for creativity and discovery and exploration that maybe they can't get in the real world.

And I think kind of. If there's an opportunity for parents and kids to come together to understand the impact of the devices, to understand the concern, and then to make a collaborative decision around how to use these devices, it will save parents and children. So much of the energy spent right now battling each other around device use and time.

Matt: Yeah. If you can't get on the same page, they're going to learn how to get around you. That's the lesson you're going to teach them. If you can't collaborate, they're going to see your limits and then figure out, spend all their time trying to figure out all the ways around those limits versus trying to connect with the kids to help collaborate around limits.

It's the same thing around. It's hard when there's a device that if you [00:04:00] don't use it at all, if you, it's just as harmful in my opinion as if you use it too much. If we say, oh, we're never going to have any technology in the house. I mean, the world runs on technology and device usage is an important part of it.

So how do we, how do we integrate that in a way that's healthy? Because a little bit. It is health promoting, I would say. It increases connection and fun and games and ease and all sorts of capabilities. But too much becomes harmful. And what does too much even mean? 

Alona: And I think you make a really great point, which is that there is value in the device use.

Even, you know, some of the games that I see our kids playing, it's, they're really creative And they are allowing the kids to explore and discover these worlds. That realistically, you know, like fashion and travel and creating new worlds and engaging in play with other kids. So there's a social interaction in these worlds, you know, that realistically they, they can't get to, you know, in real life, in real time.

So honoring the value of that, and then also holding. What you know, what the long term impact of, like you said, too much use. And we'll get into that a little bit later actually is, but I think also, you know, we talk about it all the time is that notion of collaborative, approaching it with collaboration where the kids.

And I would say adults, too, connect to the, their internal values for what meets their needs for when is enough versus they are using external parameters. What my parents say when my screen time goes off you know, to, to govern how much device time [00:06:00] there they are engaging in. 

Matt: And there might be some parents out there that say, Hey, if you don't put the limits on the kids will ask.

For an infinite amount of time. And what we've found is that's not the case, whether it's junk food or device usage, once they connected to all of their needs, which include needs for health, they have the same needs. They want to help navigating that. Remember the other night when we were talking to the kids about using their device and they wanted some extra time and you and I were sitting on the couch talking and Kylie called down and said, Hey, can I.

Have some extra time. Even though it's past the time we all agreed, we would stop the devices. You and I were really enjoying our time. I said, Hey, how much time would you like? She's like, I don't know. I don't know how much time, how much can I have? So she didn't want, she wanted to be told what to do. And I said, Hey.

What would meet your need for health? You're having fun. You're enjoying what you're doing, but also health and fun. Knowing that we have an agreement and normally at seven o'clock and it's after. And she said, dad, I don't, you know, I'm a kid. I need limits, you know? And I said, well, I want you to be able to figure this out in my mind.

I was thinking maybe 30 more minutes, but I said, what are you thinking? Kylie said, I don't know. What do you think about 10 more minutes? And I said, Oh, 10, that's too fast. I was enjoying having talked, talking to you. I'm like, I don't want you down here that quickly. So I said, well, what about 15? She goes, 15 sounds like a lot, dad.

I said, well, why don't you go for it? And we'll see how, how it goes. So she did 15 minutes, they all came back down, but it was really interesting how I was thinking 30 and if I didn't check in with her, she would have, she would have been, yeah. So it's really cool when you see those things happen. 

Alona: And Kylie is connected to the fact, you know, we've had so many conversations in our family around that, what's beautiful in that story.

is her ability to connect to the addictive nature of these devices, which makes it really hard for us to discern sometimes how long to be on it or how long we've been on [00:08:00] it or how long we plan to be on it, you know, so having some help recognizing that you need some help placing limits. I think that's beautiful and the awareness around that in a 12 year old and her ability to communicate that and to take your feedback into consideration is gold.

And I, I think that's the approach. It's if the re the, I believe that the reason parents worry, it's a legitimate worry, if you do not help your kids connect to their. internal values around device use, then they have no reason to want to ever get off it. Of course, if you, if you let them play, they'll play forever.

They're not connected internally to anything concerning about those devices. But if you have that, that communication, if you connect with the kids and really not only have them hear, but have them explore for themselves, you know, we had our kids. Look into all of that time, look into the harms of, of overusing the devices and the screens.

They did that research for themselves. It didn't just come from us telling them what to do or what not to do. 

Matt: Exactly. And we talked about what does addiction even mean? How do you know if you're addicted? A lot of times you don't know if you're addicted to something until you try to stop. Up until you try to stop, you just think you really like something.

And then you try to stop, and all of a sudden you're like, Whoa, I'm having a hard time stopping. So we talked about that, and we used examples. We even have an e book coming out that is all about trying to help kids understand the addictive nature of devices, what that's like in a way that kids can understand, and then how to sort of break that addiction.

[00:10:00] And what was really fun when we talked about this with the kids, then they started noticing it, and we would circle back and say, Hey, how is What did you notice after we talked about that? Were there any times where you felt that addiction pop up? And we talk about these, these beams coming from the devices and sort of rapidly, like, anybody here watched Ghostbusters, you know, with the, the, don't cross the beams.

Like those are the beams coming out of their ray guns and they attach to your brain and they don't let go. And that's what the notifications and the dings and the. You know, the, the daily streaks and all that type of stuff, trying to keep your brain attached. And when the kids had that understanding, all of a sudden they were looking for when the iPad was sending out those beams, because they didn't want to be stuck in those beams.

And they would say, Dad, I noticed, you know, I had a harder time sitting through the movie. And normally I could sit through movies. So I think it's too much, too much the scrolling up and down and the swiping to be able to sit still for five or 10 minutes. Or they said, Dad, I, you know, I had some free time and I wanted to jump right back on my iPad.

I, I couldn't just sit or read anything. I really wanted, I felt that in my body trying to come back. So they were starting to look for times where those beams had a control or were stuck on their body. And then we worked together to try and break those beams down. 

Alona: I love that visual and I think that's very helpful for children and, and that is basically the premise of the book is that Jake, who's the protagonist in the main character, learns that his devices are sucking him in literally through these beams that are connecting the device, him to the device.

And. That, that ability to visualize that I think is really, really helpful for the kids in communicating how it draws you in. And I remember, and I think we've talked about it in previous episodes, but I remember we went on. Our crews a bit ago, and one of the agreements that we made as a family was to make [00:12:00] it a week long device free experience.

And the girls initially protested and were not happy about that. But after the, at the end of the week, both of them, individually and separately, shared how much they enjoyed being off the devices. How much calmer they felt in their bodies, how much more connected they were to us and to each other, how they had more reserve for patience and kindness and harmony.

And they all, they noticed that in their own bodies, you know, the relief of Kylie, our oldest. Not only has her iPad, but has a phone and she got into the habit of Streaks in games that she had so they were daily streaks that she wanted to maintain and over this cruise She lost some of those And rather than feeling upset, it was, it felt like a relief to not have to compulsively go and do this every single day.

You know, it becomes almost like an obsessive compulsion to get back to the device to finish these, to maintain these streaks. 

Matt: And the goal is never to tell them you can't do it. The goal is to get them to connect to the pull of the device, the pull of the streaks and asking them, do they like being pulled in and sucked in and ultimately forced?

They think it's their will, but you don't realize it's going against your will until you try to stop, and you have all this anxiety if you stop. 

Alona: That's exactly what happened. So she had a lot of anxiety around the fact that she wasn't going to be able to maintain these streaks. Her idea before the cruise was, oh, she loved it, and she's so excited to do these things.

And so to come to the realization that Actually, she felt relief [00:14:00] not having to, to be sucked into that compulsion was eye opening for her. 

Matt: Yes. And that was fun because if we come in as parents, like our goal is to get them off of the vice and to implement these rules and limits. It's an, it's a disconnecting energy.

But if you come in saying, Hey, I'm really concerned about this, and I'd love to explore this together with you, this, this addictive feeling, what is that? How does that show up in your life? Hey, when we were waiting by in the elevator during that week, during the cruise, and we didn't look on our devices, we didn't have them.

So we were joking around and laughing and doing silly things that normally would be taken up that time would be taken up by checking a phone message or sending a message or doing something else. Did you enjoy that? And they'll come back and say, Oh yeah, actually I did enjoy that. And all of a sudden they connect in their brains how devices can feel fun and exciting, but sometimes they can pull us away from what really matters, which is not only our health, but our relationships and even joy.

Alona: Absolutely. And you know, you mentioned like telling them what to do. Telling them what to do can be. Very effective in the sense that kids will obey, especially kids raised in a more authoritarian or power over relationship with their parents. So they will reluctantly and maybe resentfully obey, but they will get done.

The issue with that is not that maybe it's not effective, ultimately it. It does not connect kids to their own internal values. They are dependent on external values, and as soon as they separate from that perpetrator, you know, that's preventing them from doing something that they want to do, they go and do it.

Yes. So it's done it, all of a sudden they don't want to hang out at home, they want to hang out at their friend's house. Why? [00:16:00] Because their friends play Wii and Nintendo and are on their devices all day long and they get to be on the device too when they're there. You know, so, so it's, it's not that it's not going to happen.

It's not going to happen in front of you. And, and 

Matt: that's a really good point. The, it's not going to happen in front of you. Are you teaching them what you think you're teaching them? Or actually. You're teaching them just to get around you. Mm hmm. And I want them to be so connected, but not only for the kids, for the parents.

I noticed that if I set up these rules without connecting to the needs that are being met, I don't stick with them very long. If I connect to a, what does it mean to be self connected without getting onto my device with every second? You know, at one point, you know, you would get up and I would hop on my device for a minute, check something, and then we'd come back down and.

Together. So we were hanging out, but if there was a minute where one of us got up, the other person hopped on their device real quick to check something or do something like that. To me, those, the device is almost controlling you instead of you controlling the device. And it's interesting not to force yourself to stop doing that, but to notice when that happens and what that feels like.

And if you try to not do that, what happens and what does that feel like? That inner expiration is what's going to stimulate the growth, not these external rules. I like trying to wake up in the morning way back when the question was do I check my phone before I go to the bathroom in the morning or while I'm going to the bathroom in the morning?

Those were the two options. And sometimes it's really hard for a second if I say I'm not going to check my phone until after I drop the kids off at school. But if I just try to impose that rule, it's harder than, hey, I really want to connect to my presence and I want to be. You know, maybe do a little meditation in the morning and I want to be present with the kids and not have all sorts of work stuff on my mind because I checked my email.

You know, I, it's just as important for the parents and I tell the kids that I say, Hey, [00:18:00] these rules that we're coming up with as a family, we want to all follow them. I have screen time on my phone, the same as the kids. We've come up with very clear rules that work for all of us. And then I follow them myself.

And that's the key also, is that when we come up with rules, they're really agreements that we're all going to try, and then the next day we're going to talk about what worked and what didn't work. Until we get to, and every day we're experimenting, and we came up with this very intricate set of agreements.

That were very clear, but it met all of our needs. And the ongoing rule is that if any point these rules or agreements don't work anymore, you don't just dis, you know, discard them. You come back to the family and say, Hey, I need another family meeting. There's a need that's not being met by these agreements anymore.

And then we talk about it. So it's never this hard line, rigid, this is the way it's going to be, it's let's make sure we're meeting everybody's needs and if not, we're going to care about that and come back and talk and collaborate again. 

Alona: And there were two, two points that I just want to go back to because I think they're really important.

One is, yes, we are not immune from it as adults. In fact, we're just as connected to these devices and just as addicted. And we have an opportunity to, just like you said, explore that too. The second piece of it is intentionality. There's so much that one minute when somebody leaves the room to get on the device, there's almost an automatic default response to that.

We're not present. We're not intentional about the choices we're making. We're falling into a default automatic behavior that we have just kind of become, that has become habitual. And without it, we feel withdrawal. 


[00:19:50] Topic & Tool
---

Matt: Exactly. Exactly. So what tool. Did we come up with to help? What, which one do we want [00:20:00] to share?

I was thinking that the team tech plan. 

Alona: Yeah, I think it really depends on how old your kids are. For younger kids, I think. The, the beam blaster plan is a really great way to help communicate what's happening with these devices. 

Matt: Why don't you talk about the, the beam blaster plan and then I'll talk about the team tech plan.

Alona: Yeah. I'm excited about the book coming out because I think it would be very helpful to, to, for parents to read with kids. But the idea is that. Imagine it, let kids step into that world of imagination where the devices shoot out beams that capture us, capture our attention, capture our time and connecting kids.

To when we are attached, when those beams are attached, there's a lot of other things that we miss out on. We miss out on connection with family. We miss out on opportunities with friends. We miss out on real life experiences because we're so immersed in these virtual worlds. 

Matt: So helping kids spot the beans would be step one, asking them, you know, what do you think they look like, you know, what, when you're on your device, can you identify some of these beans?

You can even if, if, that you read the story with them relating it to how Jake found the beams and how he handled that and how it, how it forced, it forced him to miss out on time with his family and friends in ways that he cared about and just didn't connect to. And then once you spot the beams, what would be next?

Alona: Then you create your beam blaster. And that can be a flashlight, a drawing an imaginary zapper or pointer. And you use that as a fun way to zap the beams, to free yourself of the [00:22:00] beams, whether it's at bedtime or at dinnertime, or when it's time to hang out with friends. 

Matt: And it'd be cool if you help them not only zap their own beams, but they can zap beams for the parents.

Yes. And you could even say, Hey, I'm, I'm stuck on my phone. There's a strong beam that's coming and I can't get off. Can you guys help me zap the beam so we can connect for a little bit? 

Alona: Yes. And then the next step would be to set beam time and beam free time so that you collaboratively as a family.

Decide when to use the devices and when to put them away. And you can make that fun by blasting the beams when it's time for that free time. And finally, it's reflecting on what really matters. When the beam, when it's beam free time, what is something that you can do that would really be fun or really engage in presence and enhance that experience, that in person experience?

Or the device free experience. 

Matt: Yeah, that's exciting. And all of a sudden, my daughter, Jordan, loves handball. So I was surprised to see how much she enjoyed playing handball together. She's 11, I'm not sure how much longer she's going to enjoy playing with me. But she, but she did. And she was ready to hop off her device to play together.

So I think that's one thing is to make yourself available. If you're not available very much as a, as a parent. It's going to be harder. Show them your presence, but also give them opportunity to learn how to entertain themselves, too. And maybe even come up with a list of, here are all the things I can do that don't involve devices and being stuck in their beams.

So that's something that works really well with little kids. There's also something called the, we call the teen tech plan, which is a few steps starting with understanding. And just ask, asking your child, Hey, what do you love about using your device? And [00:24:00] listen without interrupting or judging. You really want to connect to the needs that they're meeting, whether it's friendship or being able to be competent.

at a skill that they can't do in real life nearly the same way. Or it's adventure, or it's creativity, or it's just fun and play. But listen without interrupting or judging. Then step two would be to share your perspective using very simple, relatable language. And when you're on it, when you're on this device, it can make it harder for your brain to wind down, especially late at night.

And then you feel really tired the next day. Do you like feeling really awake and energized? And if so, I'm wondering if there's ways that we can change it so the device and those beams that are coming in don't affect how you sleep. And then you brainstorm together, you pose that as a question, what can we do to make sure That you have fun with your device and still feel good the next day.

So in the seal, there's that collaborative process. And then you create a plan and you write it down. I love writing things down. Kids love writing those things down where you have these agreed upon limits and fun alternatives. Okay. Hey, well, during this time at night before bed. We're going to put the devices away and then we're going to, you know, board games or outdoor time or all sorts of different activities can be done and they have a menu to pick from during that beam free time.

And then checking in, but because I want all of these agreements not to be rules, but instead they're agreements that we want to see how they feel and you don't know until you try it. And this way they're going to be more willing to try because you say, We're going to experiment today and tomorrow, and then tomorrow night, I want to talk about what went really well and what didn't go well.

And those are the steps to continue to implement, and that's how we created really, really intricate, clear rules. That work for everybody. 

Alona: I love that. I love that. I'm I the thing I love most is the collaborative [00:26:00] the ability to collaborate with your child the ability to create that pros and cons of the device use together and And if you can get a visual, if you can engage in fun experiences outside of the device, if you can do, I love those check ins because it's an opportunity to really look inward and say, how do I feel when I'm off the device?

Oh, it was so much fun to play with so and so in real life, to go outside and do something together. It was fun to hang out with mom and dad, whatever, whatever that may be, but if you, sometimes if you don't do those check ins, it's lost to them as far as really connecting to you, how that feels. They might know intellectually, yes, I did that and it was fun, but they're not feeling it in their bodies.

Oh, that was, you know, my, I felt so good and I was so excited. 

Matt: Yeah, that's going to keep them going. That's going to, that's the fuel. 

Alona: Absolutely. So, we talked about the tools and some of the ways that you can introduce this and make it fun and make it really rewarding and life enhancing to have limits around devices.

How would you, what would it look like if you had no skills attempting to deal with device time versus if you actually used connection skills? 

Matt: And depending on how resourced I am, how hungry, tired just over, overworked. I will default to no skills versus pro skills. 


[00:27:36] No Skills Pro Skills
---

Matt: So I definitely will have my no skills comes pretty easy for me.

I don't have to work at that. That's, that's the, you've been on the tablet all day, give it a rest, put it down, you know, or, or what's going on? The question that sounds like a question, but it's really criticism. The pro skills is, is, hey, hey, Jordan, I see that you're really into that game. How do you feel about [00:28:00] taking a break and playing outside together?

But I have to be open to hearing if she says no, what need is preventing her from saying yes, not be attached. to going outside and playing. That's where the key is. If she thinks I'm attached and I'm going to criticize or withdraw or be angry, then that's a demand and not a request anymore. Or, if the kids have read the book with, with Jake and the, the Brain Busters, it's, hey, let's, let's grab that beam blaster and zap some beams before dinner.

Can you help me zap my beams and I'll help you zap your beams. I've really been looking forward to hearing about your day, so once we zap the beams, we'll be able to be, connect better. 

Alona: And I love that. And to some degree that's a more advanced communication skill, I think, at the basic level of pro skill can also be the agreements that you set ahead of time and then kind of reconnecting to those agreements.

Hey, Jordan, I know that we talked about being on the device for 30 minutes after school. I'm noticing it's now 45 minutes later.

You know, can you share, and I see that you're having fun and at the same time, you know, there's a part of me that really wants to honor this agreement and connecting around that. So, cause I love what you shared and I, I love that ability to be able to say, Hey, you know, with care and kindness. I see that you've been on there, and, and be willing to hear the no.

Matt: Yeah, and, and we have in our agreements that we created is, how would you like us to remind you? If you forget and go over, if you want more time, we agree on language beforehand, that would feel nice. So we'll sometimes say the word gentle reminder before, so they know that it's not criticism or anger, but it's trying to remind you of our agreement.

There's little things like that, that, that we've agreed as a family work well. to hear those, those, that input. 

Alona: Yeah, and I think at, at a [00:30:00] beginning level as you're introducing it, that kind of more almost formulaic and, and consistent and predictable way for both parties might make it an easier collaborative discussion.

And then you, you graduate to Some of the pro skills that you shared. I love it. 


[00:30:21] Bring it Home
---

Matt: So how are we going to bring this home? What are the key, key steps? 

Alona: I think as always, starting with a reminder that we're a team, we're working on this together and that in the same way that you're aiming to help your kids, your kids can, can contribute to you by helping you as well, because we all kind of share this issue with being consumed by devices.

Matt: That's what I love about the book too. It's a great way to introduce these topics into discussion in the family. 

Alona: Yeah, yeah. And I think it's sharing vulnerably what the concerns are, getting the kids involved in looking into it themselves. I think that's really important. I think not, not only does that give a sense of autonomy, but also self responsibility.

You know, it's not, again, you're not doing it because I said it's harmful. You're looking into that and you're connecting to the fact that, Oh, you know what, there's something here that I should be thinking about and considering. 

Matt: I use it, the same for myself as with the kids. So it's almost like a hot stove.

I don't touch the hot stove and the kids can't touch the hot stove. We're all careful about the hot stove. I look at devices the same way. I'll make fun of my own addiction. I'll say, Hey, Jordan, I can't keep the phone in my room. I got to keep it in the office or I'm, it's going to call my name. And the beams are going to go around my head or Kylie.

Can you hold, when we're out, can you hold my phone? So I don't instinctively get on it by accident, or if there's a. [00:32:00] A ring keep it away, or I'll, I'll say, Jordan, hide my phone from me for the next hour so I can be fully present. But I'm constantly trying to model that I'm susceptible to the addiction as well, and devices have been expertly designed to keep you hooked.

As much as possible. 

Alona: Absolutely. And, you know, this is not on device use. We haven't, we haven't quite graduated to that yet, but I see the girls having discernment over other things and looking into that. Like they are very invested in skin care products now. And. Every day, there's a new product that they're considering or interested in.

But what I see has started to happen is before they actually share that they want that or go ahead and buy it for themselves, they start looking into what are the reviews, are there any issues with this? And now I'm hearing, Oh, you know, I really wanted that product, but I heard that it's not really good for kids who are under a certain age.

And I think that ability to just say, yes, they're using the device for that information. One good thing, one more good thing about device use, but, but they're learning to discern for themselves. And I think they, they can and will do the same thing with devices if they have the ability to research it themselves.

Matt: Yeah, I love that. So modeling it, help encouraging them to research it, practicing it, setting a timer. Taking a break together to do something fun, share, sharing your own experiences. It's, it's so helpful. And then I love celebrate. Cannot forget to celebrate it. Acknowledge the wins. Hey, Kylie, you turned off your tablet on time tonight per our agreement.

Thank you so much. That was great, great teamwork. How was that for you? So not only sharing that, but saying, and, and the need that it [00:34:00] met for you, but also checking in. How was that for them? Showing that care, acknowledging those, those moments in that way. 

Alona: Absolutely. And I think also celebrating the time that you have together, right?

Because we find that time so precious. And awesome when we have the kids in their present and we're engaged in an experience together. And, you know, contrary to popular belief, kids really like to spend time with their parents. One of the things that prevents them from doing that is that barrier. It's that disconnect.

Connection, whether parents are too busy or parents are themselves addicted to devices and not present. 

Matt: Or parents are telling, the time with the parents is always the parents telling them what to do or what they did wrong or how to improve. Yeah. Versus just connecting. 

Alona: Right. So we get that regular feedback of when we actually spend time together, how much the kids actually enjoy that.

Matt: And saying it back to them. Hey, I love playing handball with you, Jordan. I love, I love just getting to talk and connect with you while we're hitting the ball around together. And that felt really, really wonderful to me, and I was so much happier than being stuck with the beams at my computer. 

Alona: Yeah, and you find new things that you enjoy doing together, you know, like, wandering instead of walking, wandering around the neighborhoods, taking a look at the houses, or decorations for the holidays, or, you know, where the kids can kind of just chat away, talk about their day.

Or, you know, we found a love for escape rooms, and that's something that we do now as a family and find it really fun or handball or board games and being introduced to new types of board games. And so there's a lot that comes out of that that's so rich. 

Matt: I love it. I love it. Well, what's the one last thing?

We're going to leave everybody with this. What would that be? 

Alona: I think I would say devices. are [00:36:00] realistically a big part of our lives, but they don't have to control us. And when families work together, we can find the balance and connection and the time for fun on and off the screen.

Matt: All right. Well, I'd love to hear from you. I know Alona would as well. Please email us at parents at webeetogether. com. Tell us how things are going in your home. Share tips, questions, stories with us, please. Again, parents at webeetogether. com. And don't forget, if you've enjoyed this episode, please leave us a review.

Your feedback helps us reach more families and share the power of connection. 

Alona: Bye for now.