Episode 29: A family group chat explodes over politics. A 9-year-old parrots a divisive comment from school. A parent watches herself repeat the same judgmental tone she swore she'd never use.

Disagreeing Without Disconnecting-Letters from our listeners: A family group chat explodes over politics. A 9-year-old parrots a divisive comment from school. A parent watches herself repeat the same judgmental tone she swore she'd never use.

Episode 29 of webe Parents is raw, real, and wildly useful: it dives into what happens when disagreement becomes disconnection—and how to change that pattern, starting today.

Drs. Alona Pulde and Matthew Lederman don’t shy away from the mess. Instead, they introduce the Three C Bridge—a powerful tool for staying Curious, Compassionate, and Connected even when you’re triggered.

💥 Real stories.
💬 Repeatable scripts.
🛠 Emotional tools you can actually use tonight.

Because empathy isn’t weakness. It’s your superpower.

Have a Kinectin Account? Here are some topics to discuss with Amari and apply them to your personal life or relationships. Here are some thought provoking questions to ask yourself:

1. I grew up in a judgmental home—and now I hear the same tone coming out of my own mouth.
2. I feel stuck between my progressive kids and my traditional parents. I’m exhausted trying to translate everyone’s emotions.
3. I shut down when people disagree with me because I’m terrified it’ll cost the relationship.

What is Amari? webe Parents has partnered with Kinectin to bring you Amari, your personal AI coach. Now you can interact with the ideas from our podcasts, articles, and parenting tips — and Amari will help you apply them directly to your pe

To learn more about what Alona & Matt are up to check us out at webeparents.com, or follow us on our socials at Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, or YouTube. Be sure to subscribe to webe Pärents wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts.

Transcript

Episode 29 (disagreeing without disconnecting) Letters from listeners

[00:00:00]

Alona Pulde: Hello and welcome back to Wee Be Parents, where we explore the messy, meaningful moments of parenting and help families stay connected through it all. Hi, I am Dr. Alona Poe. 

Matthew Lederman: And hi, I'm Dr. Matthew Lederman, 

Alona Pulde: and today we're continuing a deeply important conversation, how to disagree without disconnecting in a world that often pressures us to pick sides or shut down.

Matthew Lederman: Yes. And if you missed the last episode, definitely go back and give it a listen. We introduced a practical tool to help families stay grounded and connected during disagreement. 

Alona Pulde: Yes. And please don't forget to subscribe while you're here. Uh, so you can help build a family culture rooted in compassion even when the world feels fractured.

Matthew Lederman: Yes. The world feels a little bit fractured, or at least that's what I hear from lots of people, um, to me. I do. I do see it at times that way and more though I see it as [00:01:00] people are in a lot of pain and I see people are doing lots of things to try and soothe their pain. That often, even if in the short term it feels a little, little bit of relief in the long term, it actually makes the pain worse.

Alona Pulde: Yeah, and I don't know if it is. Um, enhanced because we've been in pain for so long and people are now speaking out, or because there are so many additional media outlets to get information all the time, so we're seeing and hearing more of it. 

Matthew Lederman: Yeah. But, um, that reminds me of like when you talk to parents now we keep the kids in because we're worried about kidnappers and all sorts of.

You know, bad guys out there and we don't want them outside. And if anything, crimes like that have gone down significantly. So it's actually safer than it's ever been, but we're more protected. So I think that's an [00:02:00] example of a disconnect between your reality of safety and actual threat 

Alona Pulde: and how that perpetuates that misconception because that's the message that's coming out.

Matthew Lederman: Exactly. So if we get. In 10 to 20 stories of somebody getting kidnapped, we're gonna think it's happening all the time. Mm-hmm. But if that's 20 times out of 350 million people, it's actually quite, quite rare. Yeah. So I think it's, if we're, we're getting almost this, this bias of fear inducement that is causing a lot of problems and translating into how we show up, 

Alona Pulde: I think, uh.

And I think beyond that is we're looking because we're seeking alignment and because we have, there's that misconception that aligned means safety. So we're looking for the stories [00:03:00] that are supporting our reality, 

Matthew Lederman: and we're also looking for the ones that are completely against our reality to identify the bad guy, the perpetrators, and then we go and find our group.

People that are the victims or the people that align. Yes. And we stay safe here and we keep pointing our finger at the perpetrators to keep them in front of us. 

Alona Pulde: Yes, yes. And that's what we talked about in the last episode. We explored the emotional cost of living in a world that's increasingly divided, and not just politically, but relationally.

When disagreements become a threat to connection, we lose more than our conversation. We lose our humanity and we lose each other. 

Matthew Lederman: Yep. And that's like when we, there's a cost to these ways we're approaching things. It's similar to the when people don't go outside. I know people that are really [00:04:00] scared of getting the flu.

They don't go outside and they don't engage with the people. Everything is virtual and there's a cost to that. And I'm not saying it's right or wrong, I'm just saying we lose sight of the cost of isolating in our house, for example, versus going out there and quote, you know, taking the risk of getting the flu.

And for different people the risks are higher and lower and you gotta assess that. But often we don't also take into account the risk. As well of of the, the protective action. And I think when we judge people, we're ultimately trying to make sense and protect ourselves from the pain that stimulated when people do things that don't resonate with our values, but there's a cost to that intervention as well.

There's a cost to those judgments, not only to you, but to your children who watch you meet needs for protection in that way. 

Alona Pulde: And I know in the last episode you said this and I liked it so much, I'm gonna [00:05:00] repeat it here, but you talked about hating the haters and the bottom line is. As We hate the haters, we become the haters.

So now we're all hating. Exactly. And where does that leave us? Um, and so we talked about a tool. Do you wanna give a summary of the tool that we talked about? 

Matthew Lederman: Yes. The uh, three C Bridge, three Cs for curious, compassionate, and connected. It's a simple but powerful tool for helping families stay openhearted rooted in empathy, even when views clash.

And again. What clashes is not the needs, but the strategies we use to meet the needs. So if you have a need for safety, one person's strategy might be using a gun, another person alarm system, another person living in a community of lots of people. All of them agree on the need for safety. They have different views on the strategies to meet the needs.

So you'll hear us talk about that, 

Alona Pulde: and I think that's a really important distinction that I'm just [00:06:00] going to resummarize, is that most. Most to all of the arguments. The level of, of where we're arguing is on strategies, the behaviors that we choose to meet our needs, but the needs are universal and we all share them.

And if we can get down to that level of what are the needs, how much easier it will be to come from a place of curiosity and compassion and connection. 

Matthew Lederman: Exactly, and that is essential that the needs, we all agree, we all have the needs for safety. So that's where we can start our connection. The other thing is that E, that these three Cs allow us to stay open hearted, empathic, connected, even when views clash.

And the views clashing to me is really about perspective and reality. And one of the other things we talked about was that you can have different realities. Focus on when people are wanting [00:07:00] empathy. They're wanting empathy for their reality. And you can differentiate between agreeing with the reality and empathizing and understanding their perspective and their reality.

So, and this is for people to understand this, imagine you have a coin and you're holding the coin. And does the coin say tails or is it, is it heads? And it really depends. If someone's looking from the bottom, it might say tails. But if looking at the coin from the top. It can say heads. So arguing about whether the, the, the coin says heads or tails is not really helpful.

It's about, hey, well, what perspective now if we both look at it from the top, what do we see? Oh, okay. We're agreeing on a perspective, we're agreeing on a reality, and then we say, okay, this is what we observe. I think knowing that you, if your perspective changes, if your reality is different. Then separating those and not trying to get everybody to say, we have the same perspective.

We have the same reality. That's gonna be a, a really big support, whether you're navigating [00:08:00] relationships with other adults or with your children. 

Alona Pulde: Yeah. Yeah. Uh, just to go back a little bit, um, so the, the steps, just giving a summary of the steps again, are, uh, the three C bridge is step one is get curious instead of reacting, pause and ask what's behind this view and curiosity really shifts us from judgment to discovery.

Step two is stay compassionate, speak gently. Remember that any person is more than just one opinion. So com and the strength really is that compassion isn't agreement. And we have to remember that finding, giving someone empathy, being compassionate does not mean that you agree with them. And the third is building connection.

Find something human and shared a hope, a value. We see it [00:09:00] and that can look like, you know, we may see it differently, but I think we both care. And if we can see that, uh, what a difference it will make in how we interact with one another. So today we're deepening this conversation through real stories from families that have navigated or are navigating the fractured landscape.

Matthew Lederman: So should we start with success stories or some challenge stories and the headlines and heartlines because Sure. Let's, let's, well, you should tell people what headlines and heartlines is. So stories that come from parents and families like yours working to raise kids like, uh, many of the listeners are.

In a world that often models the opposite in this situation here around connection, disagreement, 

Alona Pulde: care. Yeah. Yeah. Let's do, I like success stories first. 

Matthew Lederman: All right. Well, here's, here's a fun one. The election. After the last election, our [00:10:00] family dinner turned tense fast, but instead of arguing we tried something new, I said, let's each share one hope.

We have for the country, no matter who's in office, what followed was the most respectful, connected conversation we've ever had in years. And what I think was cool about recalling that story is that that's getting to the needs. What is one hope that we all share for the country, no matter who's in office?

So it could be we value, uh, more effective healthcare, or we want to get rid of waste and, and spend in the government, or we want equal rights for all people. All of those are needs and we can all get together on those, the strategies we might have different views around, but let's connect around the needs.

And that question was what shifted to the needs, which allows us to see each other's humanity? So they focused on hope and safety as needs, [00:11:00] and then there was a lot of common ground. 

Alona Pulde: I think that's really wonderful. And I think what I love most about that story is that, there was not a fear around the disagreements. There was a pause and a reframe, and how do I bridge this back into connection? Um, and so it was a leaning in versus a running away from, and it produced this really beautiful connection. 

Matthew Lederman: Yeah. I think it's the, the question is key. The request is key. It's not, what do you think about?

This person. 'cause when we get into thoughts, we're gonna get into judgements and evaluations and all sorts of strategies and what we like and don't like about, you know, that person gotta make a clear request that gets you to the needs. 

Alona Pulde: I love that. I have one. 

Matthew Lederman: Okay, go 

Alona Pulde: ahead. Um, my [00:12:00] 9-year-old came home and repeated something, inflammatory he heard at school.

I almost snapped, but remembered the three C bridge. I asked, where do you think that idea comes from? We ended up talking about fear, fairness, and kindness. He told me later you didn't get mad. And I really liked that. Oh, I love that story. I love that story. Um, so very much. And I shared in our last episode how that's a challenge for me sometimes in, you know, when I hear the kids come home and.

They're sharing something that they heard without even truly understanding it, but just parroting it back or worse in my humbling opinion, because it's an, it's a reflection on me, is they're parroting something they heard me say [00:13:00] and. Without completely understanding the impact of those words. And it's hard in those moments because I think the feeling that comes up is fear.

Oh my gosh, what's happening to my child and, and what is gonna be the result of them thinking in this way? Um, and that fear naturally wants to just squash that and get, uh, uh, conforming alignment versus taking that pause, taking that breath, trusting that there's a, a shared humanity even if there's not a shared reality.

Um, and then. Implementing the three Cs. So I love that this parent was able to do that. And I think the validation and [00:14:00] affirmation is exactly what the child said later. He didn't get mad and I liked that. What an invitation to continue ongoing connections like that. 

Matthew Lederman: Exactly. I love that too. And the kids, the kids really notice that.

If they don't, you can even bring it up and, and celebrate If you notice it, Hey, how did it feel when I didn't get mad this time? Mm-hmm. And sort of mind for it. Ask for it a little bit. That's, that is meeting needs for acknowledgement and celebration, and we don't do that in enough. It's a very important need.

Alona Pulde: Agreed. 

Matthew Lederman: So here is a challenge. Story about the, uh, group text. So my siblings and I used to have a hilarious family group chat, but during a recent political crisis, it blew up. Now it's silent. I tried reaching out, but every attempt is met with defensiveness. I'm grieving the loss of that closeness. 

Alona Pulde: Ooh.[00:15:00]

And that, that's, that grief is real. And I'm, I. I know it's happened for us, um, in the past where there have been family chains and one person throws out something that in the past was, uh, an accepted form of, of communication and all of a sudden it's taboo or not, and they get, um, ghosted or they get, uh, erased.

Um. Canceled and without even an explanation. And, um, yeah. That's hard. 

Matthew Lederman: Yeah. And it's interesting. I, this happened on a family text chain with me. Mm-hmm. And I saw it happen. And then one sibling got upset with the other sibling, and then the one sibling left the text chain. And then I noticed, I started [00:16:00] judging.

So I was sort of guilty of hating the hater, you know, so it was, it was very helpful for me to see that dynamic and then spend time with myself really trying to process and connect and, and over time I was trying to see the, the intentions, the humanity of both sides there. And that took time. That took time to get to the three seats.

The curious, compassionate, and then, you know, building the connection. But it's real and it's hard. 

Alona Pulde: It is real and it's hard. And I love your both sides of that example because it also really summarizes what happens when we travel down that. Road of disconnection. It's a ripple effect. One sibling was canceled by the other sibling and then you canceled that sibling and [00:17:00] then the next person's gonna cancel you because you know, you responded in such a way.

And all we're doing is disconnection. That's building disconnection. That's building disconnection. Um, and then the other path, even though that took longer, the result of that was. Seeing the humanity in both sides 

Matthew Lederman: and myself 

Alona Pulde: and yourself. I saw 

Matthew Lederman: humanity in both siblings and myself because when I was judging the person that I was judging, it was coming from a fear in me where I was scared.

'cause I didn't, I might have made the same joke that the one sibling made, and not with just trying to meet needs for playfulness and fun, but it offended the other sibling. And I didn't EI wouldn't have thought. That would've happened. I was very surprised. So then I get scared 'cause well, hey, I could do the same thing and then that person could just leave and abandon.

Mm-hmm. Now that person I know is in pain. And that was a strategy to protect themselves and maybe even [00:18:00] for the rest of the family to it met needs for mattering to leave and that then they probably thought, oh well the family's gonna see how big a deal this is. You know, so all sorts of needs, but. It came, my judgment came from my fear and I find a lot of judgment comes from fear and insecurity.

Yes. But it's hard to own that. Yes. I, I didn't want to at first. 

Alona Pulde: Yes. 

Matthew Lederman: So you, you wanna read another challenge story? 

Alona Pulde: Yeah. So here's one. I feel stuck between my kids and my parents. My kids are passionate and progressive. My parents are more traditional. I feel like a translator and I'm exhausted trying to keep the peace.

Matthew Lederman: Hmm. 

Alona Pulde: I imagine many parents, uh, many people stand in this kind of in-between space, but you know, even if it's friend groups, there are friends that have more progressive views, they're friends that [00:19:00] have more traditional views, and how do you hold all of those and still generate a space of safe connection?

Matthew Lederman: Yeah, holding and holding space and fi. You know, one of the ways to hold space for me that I find a little easier is when I let go of trying to figure out what to do if I don't have to solve the problem, if I don't have to fix the situation, if I don't have to keep the peace, if I don't have to calm everything down, 

Alona Pulde: and if I don't have to align and agree so I can listen.

To the perspectives of others and give them a space to share without taking that on or nec or feeling like I need to be in agreement or that by listening, it's a permi permission to agree. 

Matthew Lederman: Yeah, and it's hard because a lot of people think, well, if I'm just listening, am I doing anything? And you actually are.

You're doing a [00:20:00] lot. Then there's also hard lack of trust that if we just listen to each other, are we gonna move anything forward? Are we gonna get anything solved? Are we gonna accomplish anything? And what I found over and over again is, yes, in fact, the listening is doing something. The listening is there is movement.

There's movement happening inside each other, and often they're able to show up. With strategies and be open to other strategies in a way they weren't before you listened. 

Alona Pulde: Absolutely. And listening is where we start seeing each other's humanity. In that humanity, we start caring about one another. And when we care about one another, we don't wanna hurt one another or harm one another.

So we're more apt to come to the table in a way that's gonna meet all needs. 

Matthew Lederman: Exactly. So compromising is where both people lose a little bit versus connecting. Is where both people win. Mm-hmm. 

Alona Pulde: I like that. 

Matthew Lederman: All right, let's shift to letters from our listeners. 

Alona Pulde: [00:21:00] Yeah. So these letters reflect the raw emotions families are caring in divided times

they remind us that the goal isn't perfect answers, but deeper connection. Um, so here's a letter. My daughter came home upset because one of her best friend's parents told her, our family believes the wrong things. How do I help her make sense of that without passing on my own resentment? Oof. That's a hard one.

Matthew Lederman: And first dealing with, if you're feeling resentful, just noticing that you feel resentful is key to, to connect to that before you can do anything in connection with your daughter. 

Alona Pulde: Yeah, I think I'm connecting to the fact that I believe much of our defensiveness, much of our resentments. Probably the underlying emotion is fear.

Fear that those beliefs will result in an outcome that [00:22:00] will harm us or harm people that we care about. Um, in this situation, if I were to take a guess, one, uh, is the, uh, pain of being judged, but also a fear of what's gonna, what's the impact on her daughter? For believing, quote unquote, the wrong things.

Does that mean this child is gonna be alienated from the group? Um, a social outcast? Uh, and and all of that stimulates the pain. And again, the the default notion to wanna shut it down. To wanna fix it. To wanna make it go away. 

Matthew Lederman: Yeah. And everything that people do is to meet needs. It's a fundamental core principle of non-violent communication.

So if everything people are doing to meet needs, then every belief they have is an attempt to meet needs. I mean, you want to change their beliefs. You're also trying to meet needs. So instead of mucking around in the [00:23:00] beliefs and arguing about whether you agree or disagree, step back and identify the needs you're trying to meet with those beliefs.

Mm-hmm. I know I have a lot of limiting core beliefs that I've either developed on my own or inherited from my parents. And those may have served me at one point, but often they don't serve me anymore. And connecting to the needs met and then more importantly, the needs not met by those leaps helps me start to transform them.

So instead of trying to, if you think there's such a thing as a wrong belief, you're already in this land of right and wrong versus the other land of of connection. 

Alona Pulde: Yeah. So what would your response be to this parent? 

Matthew Lederman: So how do I help her make sense without passing on my own resentment? So the first thing is validating your experience and theirs.

Hey, I, you know, I get it. I'm feeling [00:24:00] really resentful. I'm really worried about what's going on. I'm really worried about sort of how you're gonna show up. I want a lot of parents in need for peace of mind that their kids are gonna be okay in this world. That they're going to, uh, have shared values with you as a parent.

And then there's some other beliefs we have as parents that we have to mold them and other things, which can get in the way. But initially just validate and, and frame the disagreement as an opportunity to ask deeper questions, get curious what's going on for them. They, they believe what you are calling the wrong things, but try and understand what needs those beliefs are meeting for them.

And again, you can use that three C bridge. To stay grounded with the, um, getting curious, staying compassionate, building connection. Use that to help be as your sort of framework, as your, as your foundation. 

Alona Pulde: I think what a beautiful space, if there's [00:25:00] interest, um, and opportunity also to model. How do we.

Have a conversation and be okay with differences in opinions, right? So even after talking to the daughter and, and after, um, getting that cur, uh, being curious and compassion, caring. For her and then encouraging that, um, you know, how do we learn about their views, but also stay true to ours is potentially an invitation to have a discussion with this family.

To see, you know, to get curious with them, to show our children how we can have those difficult conversations and how we might end up. With different opinions even at the end of them. 

Matthew Lederman: Yeah. And that's why [00:26:00] if you asked your daughter saying to your daughter, Hey, let's get curious about where this is coming from and how can we stay true to our values, but still be kind.

In other words, kindness is one of our values because you could point out why the other family is wrong. Or you can start saying, Hey, we're, we're gonna stop the game of right and wrong here. I'm gonna be the stop to that and instead I'm gonna play the game of let's get curious and understand them even if we have a different reality.

Alona Pulde: Yeah. And it's, you know, what's, uh, humbling is, um, I just, I think about, I'm thinking about it now because the girls have been going to more birthday parties this year. And initially I was very nervous about that because in our home we, we have chosen to, um, be whole food plant based and vegan, and that's how the girls have been raised and.

When they're going [00:27:00] to these birthday parties where there are different opinions around nutrition and, and, and what they eat or don't eat. Um, and initially I was very nervous about, well, how do they, how do we bridge that gap? How do the girls feel accepted? How do I, without being judged, will they be judged and what will that mean or will they feel deprived and restricted?

And what I found is getting involved in those conversations with care and compassion and not necessarily needing to be aligned. I'm, I was really humbled by the response from the parents, which was. Complete acceptance of the kids in so far as they even go out of their way to accommodate them, which has just been beautiful.

And that comes from [00:28:00] not, um, coming in with my own judgments, which most likely just perpetuates that whole hater and that whole hater mentality. I'm gonna come in hating you. What are they gonna do other than hate me? Right, and, and instead it's, it's this, this care and compassion and expansiveness that really feels great, not just for me, but for the girls too, to see, hey, I can be different and still accepted.

Matthew Lederman: So how you show up is the key, 

Alona Pulde: how you show up and how you teach your children to show up 

Matthew Lederman: and how to, how you model showing up to your children. 

Alona Pulde: Correct? Correct. 

Matthew Lederman: I love it. I think we have time for one or two more. 

Alona Pulde: Okay. 

Matthew Lederman: So I like, let's see, let's do this one. I grew up in a house where judgment was constant.

I hear myself repeating that tone with my kids sometimes, [00:29:00] and it breaks my heart. Is it too late to change the emotional climate? The short answer is no. But this is very familiar to me. I, I grew up in a family and, and most of my friends did as well, where judgment was just the way people communicated their unmet needs, and they would say they judged something as good or right when their needs were met and they judged something as bad or wrong when their needs were not being met.

So you can change that by shifting from. Expressing your unmet needs through judgments, or you could express your unmet needs by sharing your feelings and needs. And that was the beauty of nonviolent communication and why that was such a game changer for me. 

Alona Pulde: I love that. And I think one of the most empowering pieces to that is that we're encouraging differentiation, the ability to be [00:30:00] yourself.

In a given situation versus having to en mesh or blend with another person to get along. And, um, I was just talking about this actually with my brother because it's not just what you say to the kids, but also the behavior that you model to them as a result of differences. And this just happened. To me with our, with Jordan, our youngest, who's 11, and she and I were on, you know, had differing opinions over something that I felt pretty strongly about, and I noticed that my default was to turn away from her.

And again, like really humbling for me because that's what my dad did if we did not align with him. Or we did not agree with him. He [00:31:00] almost like abandoned, right? He, he turned away, ignored, uh, disappeared from our lives until we either aligned or there was a long enough space that it was for forgotten.

And I remembered how painful that was to think that. That his love was conditional on my alignment or agreement with him, and I was, I felt such shame, you know, that I would even think to do that to Jordan. I. And and circled back with her, which, you know, that's part of it too, is we as parents are human.

We're not gonna be perfect and we're gonna make mistakes and there are opportunities to clean up and repaired with her to let her know that I have to like every one of her decisions, but I love her. Period. 

Matthew Lederman: Yeah. And I know you said, you know, we're [00:32:00] human and. But please speak for yourself. 

Alona Pulde: Yes, I know you, you, you, you make them more than others, but we won't talk about them.

No, I'm kidding. But, and you know, the, I remember seeing how Jordan leaned into that with almost tears in her eyes, the acceptance and space to, to learn that we can disagree and that's okay. 

Matthew Lederman: Yeah. 

Alona Pulde: Um, 

Matthew Lederman: and that the relationship and the attachment is safe. 

Alona Pulde: Yes. Absolutely parent out there. No, it is not too late to change the emotional climate.

Um, 

Matthew Lederman: it's essential. That's the, that's the goal of the podcast is that everybody has opportunity and you can have children, you could be 80 years old and have 50-year-old children and it's not too late. 

Alona Pulde: Yes, yes, yes. 

Matthew Lederman: So I'm gonna read two 'cause I can't pick between these two and you answer the one. 'cause we only have time for one more.

So here's one, which is, in my family, I'm always the one smoothing things over. [00:33:00] I feel like I'm sacrificing my own feelings for the sake of peace. Is compassion just another word for being a doormat? And then here's the other option, which is my teenager says I'm too soft when I try to understand people on the other side.

She thinks empathy is a weakness. How do I explain that? It's actually a strength.

Alona Pulde: They're both similar in our empathy and compassion. Actually a weakness or a strength. So let's tackle them both together. 

Matthew Lederman: All right. You're, you're must 'em together. 

Alona Pulde: Um, you know what I remember, I remember hearing, and this was profound for me, is that the most, the kindest people, the most compassionate people in the world are those with strong boundaries and.

So the, the quick answer to that is absolutely not. Compassion and empathy are not being a doormat, are not just, uh, agreeing or, or, [00:34:00] um, being weak. In fact, there are great strength and the strength is in. One, connecting to yourself and showing up in authenticity and integrity regardless of the response that you get in the world.

As a result of that. What an empowering way to live your life, live your life in choice with what resonates with your own values. Um, and 

Matthew Lederman: yeah, when you allow someone else and their reactivity. To determine your response, you're giving up all of your power. If you can choose your response, regardless of how the other person shows up, you hold all the power.

Empathy, to me is a superpower. And when people are in the most pain, they're often talking in ways that are least likely to get them the empathy they're needing. So not only is it a superpower, it's a gift. [00:35:00] And when you can be empathic, you can support somebody, you can disarm their reactivity, you can help them see things more clearly, you can help them connect to not only your humanity, but their own humanity.

So much beauty can come out of empathy that I'll tell people if, if you can become a Super EM empathy provider. I dunno, that's, that's not a very technical term, but if you become the person that can give empathy in any situation, no matter what, obviously tune, you know, staying connected to your own capacity as well, that you become one of the more powerful people in the world.

Alona Pulde: Yeah. The visual that I have is you can choose to be a bridge, come together and hold things up, or you can choose to stand behind your battle alliance and keep fighting that fight, [00:36:00] getting nowhere with it. Um, and the question is, who do you, how do you wanna show up? And, and what are you hoping for as far as an outcome?

Matthew Lederman: I love that I. I love that. Be the bridge and don't let other people determine and choose your reaction. 

Alona Pulde: Yeah. Yeah. So, Matt, what is the one last thing that we're gonna leave our audience with? 

Matthew Lederman: One last thing we're gonna say today is, disagreement is inevitable, but disconnection is not what we choose in between.

Curiosity, compassion, connection is how we teach our children to love bravely. 

Alona Pulde: I love that. I love that. So if today's stories moved you please, please, please remember to rate and review us. It helps more families find this community and we greatly appreciate it. And we would love to hear from you, your stories, [00:37:00] your challenges, your successes, uh.

Especially in the way of navigating disagreement with compassion, but really anything that is alive for you. Please write us at parents@webetogether.com. parents@webetogether.com. See you next time. 

Matthew Lederman: Bye-bye.