webe Parents
Welcome to "webe Parents" with Dr. Alona Pulde and Dr. Matthew Lederman! We're parents first, doctors second, and life coaches third, blending nutrition, lifestyle, and connection medicine with nonviolent communication to help families thrive. In each episode, we'll share our "Cheers & Tears," dive into our "Topic & Tool," go from "No Skills to Pro Skills," "Bring It Home," and wrap up with "One Last Thing." Join us as we share stories, skills, and tips to help bring your family closer together using our professional expertise.
Thanks for listening!
Dr. Matthew Lederman & Dr. Alona Pulde
webe Parents
Ep. 36: Stop Living Like a Parent Martyr: Your Kids Need the Real You
💥 Ever feel like you're parenting on empty? This episode of the webe Pärents podcast might just shake you awake. Drs. Matt and Alona dive deep into the silent epidemic of parental burnout — not from neglect, but from over-devotion. If you’ve ever felt like your identity is swallowed by your kid’s schedule, or your marriage feels more like a carpooling contract, this one hits hard.
🚨 You’ll hear:
- A mom who cheered at every game—until a panic attack in the parking lot forced her to face the truth.
- A dad who gave his son “everything”—until both of them started to hate it.
- A couple who rediscovered their marriage with a hotel room and a “no dance talk” rule.
🧨 The challenge? Your kids don’t need everything. They need you — present, resourced, and fully alive. Saying no isn’t neglect, it’s wisdom. Prioritizing your needs isn’t selfish, it’s modeling.
💬 Have a Kinectin Account? Explore these Nudges to see how they apply to your own life — in a way only Amari can:
Nudge 2 = “My partner and I are great teammates for the kids, but the romance is gone. I miss feeling like we matter too.”
What is Amari? webe Parents has partnered with Kinectin to bring you Amari, your personal AI coach. Now you can interact with the ideas from our podcasts, articles, and parenting tips — and Amari will help you apply them directly to your personal life. Don’t have a Kinectin Account? Create one here
To learn more about what Alona & Matt are up to check us out at webeparents.com, or follow us on our socials at Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, or YouTube. Be sure to subscribe to webe Pärents wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts.
Hey there, we'd love for you to hit that subscribe button. By subscribing, you're helping us spread the word and connect with more amazing people like you.
SPEAKER_01:Welcome to We Be Parents, where parent doctors Matthew Letterman and Alona Polday explore current parenting topics, share stories, and help bring families closer together.
SPEAKER_00:Welcome back to We Parents. I'm Dr. Alona Polde, and last week we explored a big question. What if punishment isn't the best way to help kids learn? And what if connection could do more than control ever could? We shared our family's real struggles and a tool we've been using to help our kids remember agreements in a way that actually sticks and that feels good for both of us.
SPEAKER_02:Yes, yes. And hi, I'm Dr. Matt Letterman. And honestly, I'm still thinking about last episode where we were thinking about driving two hours round trip to bring a cell phone to our 13-year-old daughter at her sleepover. It was a wild mix of guilt and boundaries and all sorts of things coming up. But I think we worked through that really beautifully. And by we, I mean you. But it taught us something huge about impact and intention. And it
SPEAKER_00:was very heartwarming and validating to see Kylie connecting to impact and caring for us in a way that felt really tender and sweet.
SPEAKER_02:Yes. Yeah, I was really I was really proud of us. Can we say that? Again, I'm going to take in some of the... Yes, we can pat ourselves on the back there. But that's tough because at first, believe me, the first work I had to do was internally, which was, you want me to do what? And that's why she was asking you and not me, maybe.
SPEAKER_00:I don't know. That's because she knows I'm going, oof. How am I going to make this work?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Yes.
SPEAKER_02:Exactly. Exactly.
SPEAKER_00:Well, tune in to see, go back and listen to our episode, see how we made it work.
SPEAKER_02:Exactly. All right. Before we jump in, though, we really want people to subscribe and join our family here. And it really helps us spread the word and grow. So thank you for hitting that subscribe button.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. And I want to... really quickly review the topic and the tool from our last episode. And the topic was when kids break agreements, we often default to punishment. But what if we could raise the impact through connection instead? And the tool you shared was Impact Together, which was a collaborative way to co-create consequences that kids remember because they helped to design them.
SPEAKER_02:Exactly. And the steps for the Impact Together would be pausing and naming the missed agreement, reflecting together on why it didn't land, ask what would help this stick in your heads better. And then co-design the impact in a way that works for everybody and then return to connection and care for each other.
SPEAKER_00:And I love this tool because it really shifts us from enforcing obedience to growing mutual accountability. And I think that's ultimately what we desire is our kids connecting to their own internal motivation to show up and be accountable for their misses. Exactly, exactly.
SPEAKER_01:Headlines and Heartlines.
SPEAKER_00:Today, you know, we talked about when punishment doesn't teach, but connection to impact really does. And today we're going to bring that to life through some really cool stories of kids who showed up. Not because someone told them to, but because they felt the impact of their choices.
SPEAKER_02:And these aren't perfect kids or model moments. I really like the headlines and heartlines because it just makes you feel a little bit. And there are stories that show what kids are capable of when they feel something real, not fear, but meaning. When accountability comes from inside and not from a threat, that's so important, that shift in energy. And it can be the same action, the same consequence, but that energetic difference is what really matters.
SPEAKER_00:And I think that's why we landed on the name Headlines and Heartlines, because sometimes what makes the news is what makes us feel human. You
SPEAKER_02:have to look a little harder for those stories that show the best of humanity instead of the worst. But when you do, it just feels really nice inside.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:So
SPEAKER_00:you want to take us into
SPEAKER_02:our first story? Yeah, like this 10-year-old who returned a stranger's wallet, not for a reward, but with a handwritten note that basically said, I know what it feels like to lose something. And here I want to help. And that's impact. That's empathy.
SPEAKER_00:Yes. And this was a 10-year-old child who found a wallet containing a woman's driver's license, her debit card and some cash. And instead of keeping it, he mailed it to the owner along with that touching note.
SPEAKER_02:And that note expressing his desire to to make her happy and his understanding of what it feels to lose something valuable.
SPEAKER_00:Yes. He didn't act to get praise. He didn't act because he feared if his parents found out he had a wallet, he'd be punished. He connected to the impact of what it might feel like to lose a wallet that had all of this stuff inside. And out of that, sent it back. How meaningful. How beautiful.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. When you do something that just to give a little bit of connection or kindness to someone else, it just ripples. And it's such a beautiful thing. And we need more of them. I remember it reminds me of the story when I was on Wilshire Boulevard and some guy started chasing me. And I started running further away because I'm walking faster. And this guy kept chasing me and then eventually yelled, I have your wallet. I was embarrassed because I was, who's this stranger coming towards me and faster and faster. And then eventually, maybe if he led with either wallet, that would have been helpful, but he was just trying to get me the wallet. And I assume the worst instead of the best. And it was like, wow, he just made my life better. So many ways. So many ways. So many ways. Everything from relieving me from the hassle of having to cancel a bunch of credit cards and You know, all the cash was still in there to restoring, you know, faith in humanity for a moment. Yeah. And just being able to feel that versus try to, you know, muster up when you watch the news today.
SPEAKER_00:Yes. The impact is profound. And it ripples into so many different facets of our lives, you know, from being grateful to to have your wallet back, to really having this tender moment, remembering the goodness that exists around us. Exactly. I love that.
SPEAKER_02:This episode of We Be Parents is brought to you by We Be Calm, the child calmer designed by doctors and loved by parents.
SPEAKER_00:Struggling with bedtime routines or managing your child's anxiety? WeBeCalm transforms deep breathing into a fun and engaging activity, helping kids find their inner calm. Perfect for bedtime stressful moments or anytime your child needs a little extra help to stay calm. Visit WeBeCalm.com to learn more and bring tranquility to your family. WeBeCalm, because we be in this together. Here's another one. In Hampton... Virginia, a three-year-old noticed newspapers piling up outside his 67-year-old neighbor's door, which was unusual. Concerned, he alerted his mom, who then called 911. Responders discovered the neighbor trapped in her basement for three days without food or water. So the child's observation and reaching out to her parents for help saved this woman's life.
SPEAKER_02:I love that. I love that. That attentiveness, that care, even at a young age to be able to say, hey, take a look, take a look. Yes. And the impact that when you're not just worried about yourself, but you really have that community feel, which is how I believe we were designed to live and thrive. is the village, not this individual house taking care of the family, taking care of themselves.
SPEAKER_00:Yes. And that natural tendency to care and to want to contribute to one another, which is robbed and deflated when we get stomped on or when we get the idea that we don't matter. And then we don't really feel inspired to care for others.
SPEAKER_02:Exactly. And it's a ripple effect. downward instead of upward.
SPEAKER_00:Yes. So I love both of those stories and they definitely warm my heart.
SPEAKER_02:And how connection and concern can even lead not only to better feelings in your heart, but actually life-saving outcomes. Yes. Those are nice just to feel a little bit and connect to the impact of connection.
SPEAKER_00:Yes. And to remember all of that, uh, To reconnect with humanity in a very tender
SPEAKER_02:way. Exactly, exactly.
SPEAKER_00:I like that.
SPEAKER_02:So we should take some letters.
SPEAKER_00:Yes.
SPEAKER_02:People trying these tools at home.
SPEAKER_00:Yes.
SPEAKER_02:And having some questions.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, so here's one. My nine-year-old keeps forgetting our bedtime deal. We agreed on 8.30 lights out, but every night it's something. One more page, I'm not tired, or he just flat out doesn't move. I end up yelling, and we both feel awful. How do I hold the line without going to war?
SPEAKER_02:How do I hold the line without going to war? And to me, it always... comes back to connection. And the first person that I check out if they need connection is myself. And do I have to go inside? Am I dysregulated? Am I needing some empathy? And if that's the case, I disengage from the situation and I connect. Because if I'm not soft and curious and open, not much good is going to come out of me opening my mouth towards another person, especially if I think of them as the perpetrator. So that's the first step is that self-connection. And to realize that also this really matters. This is frustrating.
SPEAKER_00:Yes. And I love how this parent expressed it because they're also connecting to the cost of disconnection. I'm going to go to war. This is going to feel awful. And so... You know, when we can, it's kind of, it's a mutual connection to impact. We connect to the impact that punishment or yelling or shaming and blaming, the impact on the child that that approach has. And so that desire even, I really applaud this parent because in these moments where it's frustrating and it's hard and it's easy to just seek out obedience. They're looking for another way, a way that maintains their dignity, their child, a mutual space of respect and collaboration. So I want to just kind of name and appreciate that.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. And what do you do when a child doesn't want to go to bed? At nine years old, as they get older, it's harder and harder to pick them up. Yeah. And... In the heat of the moment, it's often hard to navigate that because some need of the child is coming up and they're getting to the point where they're saying, I'm not tired or I'm not going to move. And then it becomes a control thing. I think that's where connecting around needs. And in that moment, you might say, hey, I'm sort of out of energy right now. So if you want to stay up, I can't force you to go to bed. I'm a little worried about being tired. And tomorrow I want to talk about doing things differently at night if this is going to happen. But tonight, I'm not really exactly sure what to do. But I'm going to go take 10 minutes because whatever I do, I want to make sure it's connected and caring. And I'm going to be back. And just making a little bit of space versus trying to force yourself to know what to do in that moment can really help the connection. Because in the end, if they stay up 10 minutes, 20 minutes, it's not going to make or break their health. But it could really break the connection.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. I think this is where the tool really comes into play as well. It's, you know, if you name it and you can share, hey, you know, I noticed that it's 830 and bedtime didn't happen. And then kind of connect to, you know, why, what do you think happened there? And the impact on you when agreements aren't made. And then how do we make this count for both of us?
SPEAKER_02:Exactly. And what are we going to do the next day? Say, hey, how are we going to handle bedtime tonight? If we both agree that bedtime is important for your sleep, your need for rest, and getting 9, 10, 11, whatever the number of hours are, you got to be in bed by 8.30. So does that matter to you to get enough rest? And if they say no, okay, now you know what need it is that you have to tend to, which is helping them connect to their need for rest and health. If they say, yeah, it matters, but sometimes I really get distracted or I really have a hard time transitioning, or I really just love spending time with you. Okay, well, what are we going to do tonight when that happens? And then if you agree, what do we do if you don't keep that agreement? Sometimes I actually ask them to be the parent and I'll be the kid and let's role play. So before we even start playing, because let's see for a lot of it is transitions are just hard. Let's at seven 30, even though bedtime is eight 30, let's practice. What are we going to do? And you be dad and I'm going to be the kid or you be mom and I'm going to be the kid. I don't want to go to bed. And then you let them play the parent. I think that's really helpful. That's just one, one strategy, but don't, wait with this lack of clarity around what's going to happen and that time, proactively play this out.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. And in that moment, I love taking a break and connecting to yourself first so that you're coming with the intention to connect because that's where creativity and expansiveness live. And in these moments, it can look anything like, hey, you know, we had an agreement. It didn't happen. How do we ensure that this happens tomorrow? But there's also the other side of if the children are not connecting to their needs. I'm not tired. I don't feel like I want to go to sleep. There's also the opportunity to have them feel what that feels like. Okay, well, my worry is you're going to be tired tomorrow morning and that you're needing that rest is a really important need for you to meet. What happens if tomorrow morning you're not up or you're struggling or you're cranky because you don't want to get to school? And I have to push and pull and motivate you to get yourself to school. Then what happens? And so the impact can also be around, what do we do in the morning when you didn't realize how important rest would be? I
SPEAKER_02:love that. I love that. You're helping kids who can't, naturally connect to all this impact. And we're also not always clear as parents, why do I want them to get in a bed? Well, health is important, but tonight is not going to make or break their health. But I know if they don't sleep enough, they're cranky in the morning and I have to deal with their crankiness and it's going to be harder to get them out to school. So when you connect the kids to that, all of a sudden now you're working on a team as a team to solve that problem. And I think that's really cool to say to the, well, what do I do in the morning? If you're cranky and have tone with me.
SPEAKER_00:Right.
SPEAKER_02:And let them come up with a strategy.
SPEAKER_00:Or what do I do in the morning when I have a ton of stuff to do and I don't want to manage your time and make sure that you're out? Are you going to go to school in your pajamas?
SPEAKER_02:Exactly.
SPEAKER_00:With your teeth not brushed and not having had breakfast? You know, what is it that I'm willing to let go of?
SPEAKER_02:And those are things that, again, individually, we can let go of for one day. So you can not brush their teeth. You can take them to school in their pajamas. And then you say, okay, when we get home today, we got to figure a new plan out because I'm not comfortable with this and this.
SPEAKER_00:Right. And we've had these conversations with our children, which is why they're so naturally rolling off my tongue. But, you know, what are we going to do when you are out the door in your pajamas? And breaking it down to what it's going to look like, the results were either, hey, I'm going to go to bed now. And then remembering that, you know, for tomorrow's conversation. Or... The consequence was that alone, the consequence of going to school in your pajamas at 11 years old was enough to ensure that regardless of how tired they were, they were going to be on time and dressed.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. And I've also found that, like I'll say, I can do three songs if you're in bed by 8.30. If you're in bed by 8.35, I'll do one song. And by 8.40, I'm just going to give you a quick kiss. And 8.45... I'm not going to put you to bed. And you decide. And I'm going to let the clock decide. And they can see the clock and decide. When they're younger, there's different ways of helping them understand time. But it's age. You can shift it for age appropriateness.
SPEAKER_00:Yes. And remembering that the intention is always to work together collaboratively. But if... Our kids can't come up with strategies, don't accept any of ours, then we're not just going to sit on it. It will be our strategy until a better one. Exactly.
SPEAKER_02:And it's not to punish them. My energy goes down as the night goes on and I want to spend time with you and not them. which is hard for them to understand.
SPEAKER_00:You're going to honor your needs. Your intention, your desire is to honor with them. But if they're not stepping up and collaborating with you. My needs are going to get
SPEAKER_02:met. And a lot of parents resort to controlling the other person to get their needs met. That is not a very useful strategy. And for many people, they resort to that frequently. But if I have to control my kid, Versus getting my kid to connect to the impact and their natural desire to contribute to me and clarity around how we're going to make this work for everybody. It's really challenging if control is your go-to strategy.
SPEAKER_00:I'm going to just, for me, I think, I wouldn't say it's not useful. It is useful. It serves its purpose, but it is costly, tremendously costly in your connection with your child and what derives out of that.
SPEAKER_02:Because imagine if your child could control you and wanted you to do something that you didn't want to do, and they picked you up and moved you.
SPEAKER_00:Yes.
SPEAKER_02:And I'm saying, obviously, parents are different than children, but they're...
SPEAKER_00:Or they took away your phone. Exactly. Yes.
SPEAKER_02:All right. Now, what would you say, though, real quick to a parent that says, well, we're different. We're parents and they're children. So you pick the child up. The child doesn't pick the adult up. But to make my point, how would you respond to that question?
SPEAKER_00:I think kids are going to submit as long as they can, and then they're going to rebel. It's the child that gets hit and then finally hits the parents. Maybe they won't pick up the parent, but that inner resentment and hostility toward the parent will result in hiding things from the parent.
SPEAKER_02:Breaking of trust.
SPEAKER_00:Breaking of trust, yes. Or really not wanting a relationship ultimately with that parent.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. Well, good. So let's move on to letter number two. We used to punish missed chores with no screen time. Now I feel stuck. If we don't do that, how do I make sure the chores get done? And it's more of the same here. It's around connecting to the needs behind the chores. So if, and depending on the age is different, but if they can connect to, hey, I want this kitchen clean. And I want to eat off clean dishes. Do you like eating off clean dishes and having a kitchen without bugs? If so, we got to get this kitchen clean. How do we do that in a way that works for you and for me? And there's lots of ways, but get them to be on your team that is trying to solve the problem of how do we get clean dishes. Now, they might say, I don't care. I'll be like, great. I'm not going to wash your dishes. And watch what happens when they eat of dishes that still have gunk from the night before because they were just sitting there. Very quickly, they're going to realize, oh, I do care about clean dishes.
SPEAKER_00:And or connection to, you know, because the other side of that, well, can't you do it? It's like, yes, yes, I can. But I only have so much charge in my battery. And if I'm doing every one of those little things that I'm doing and you're not contributing to is time. I don't contribute to you elsewhere. I don't contribute to putting you to bed. I don't contribute to playing games. I don't contribute to, you know, the fun things that we do that I know that they value.
SPEAKER_02:Yes. So getting them to really connect to the impact is really important. And then there's all sorts of strategies. It doesn't mean they have to do dishes. There's no rule that says kids have to do dishes, but they have to contribute in a way that works for you. So Kylie likes to do Instagram videos. So we ask her for help to do Instagram videos for our work. And then that's a way to contribute to us and help save us time because it takes me a lot longer. So there's all sorts of ways to get creative. And I'm like, I don't mind doing your dishes in the morning. And she loves that.
SPEAKER_00:So if you've been listening to us for a while, you know we get a lot of questions about what to do in tricky parenting or relationship moments.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, and if I'm being real, I'm asking Alona those same questions all the time. I get into those same tricky moments as everybody else does. And as much as we wish we could be there for each other in those exact moments, we just can't always be.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, that's why we partnered with the amazing team at Connectin to create something we truly believe in, an AI coach called Amari. And we didn't just lend our names. We helped build it and train it and brought in everything we've learned about emotional healing, connection and communication.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, we spent years training and learning and we've created Amari who is so calm and grounded, listens deeply and responds with warmth, clarity and compassion. There's no judgment, no reactivity. In fact, we tasked our children with trying to get Amari reactive and they still haven't succeeded. It's just steady support when you need it most.
SPEAKER_00:We use it ourselves all the time, especially when we feel stuck or overwhelmed. And Amari's really helped us pause, reflect, given us insight that helps us come back to each other.
SPEAKER_02:We designed Amari to help you strengthen the relationships that matter most, starting with the one you have with yourself.
SPEAKER_00:And we are so excited that you can try it now at WeBeParents.com and click on WeBeConnecting with a K to sign up. And when you have your Amari moment, please let us know as we'd love to hear about it. Where we can find the win-win always feels best, at least to me. All right, let's do one more. My daughter says I don't care when I tell her how disappointed I am. I know she does, but it hurts to hear. What do I do? I love this question because it transcends the ages from, you know, a three-year-old having a tantrum to a 15-year-old having their own version of a tantrum. And it hurts. It absolutely hurts. It hits at the core our need to matter and to be loved by our children. And so, yes. I think what's helpful to understand in those moments is if you can look at that, I don't care, that's the rebellion. They are no longer submitting, they're rebelling, and they're going to rebel pain for pain. You're causing pain upon, you're inflicting pain for them, they're going to inflict it back. And they know that this one is going to hurt.
SPEAKER_02:And that's often a need for empathy. Mm-hmm. And for their pain to matter too. So they want you to... Empathy is I want you to feel what I'm feeling. So they're going to stimulate pain for you and they want their pain to matter.
SPEAKER_00:Yes.
SPEAKER_02:So they're trying to meet needs.
SPEAKER_00:Yes.
SPEAKER_02:When they say those things.
SPEAKER_00:Absolutely. And so it's pain for pain. It's also, I think, when... they hear blame and criticism and judgment, a lot of kids go to shame. And the response from shame is defensiveness. And part of that defensiveness is that self-protection of, I don't care, this can't touch me. But they care, they care deeply.
SPEAKER_02:And that's why it's so important when you share disappointment, if there's any indication that you're disappointed in them, Or they are the reason you're feeling disappointed they're going to go to shame. And then the defensiveness and self-protection that you're talking about.
SPEAKER_00:Right. That message is there's something wrong with you.
SPEAKER_02:So how can you connect your disappointment to your needs that aren't being met? I really wanted this to happen. I was looking forward to having this break. And when it didn't happen, I did the work. And I'm so disappointed that I didn't have that time to myself that I was looking forward to.
UNKNOWN:Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_02:That's disappointment around your needs not being met, not disappointment in the other person. Your needs not being met is what caused your disappointment. They might have contributed to those needs not being met, but they're not the cause of your disappointment. And we want to make sure that's clear because then they can hear it differently.
SPEAKER_00:Yes, I love that distinction. I'm guessing that the daughter here is how disappointed her parents are in her. Versus they're disappointed because this outcome they were expecting didn't happen and it had impact on them. And so to share the impact that it had and then the ability to realize, well, whatever agreement we had in place isn't working. So let's come up with one that can. And
SPEAKER_02:that's why when you talk about the impact first, that's the key. This didn't happen. And when this doesn't happen, I feel disappointment. And I think it's really important to connect those two. I
SPEAKER_00:love that. I
SPEAKER_02:like the idea because it sort of wraps your disappointment and safety instead of shame.
SPEAKER_00:Absolutely. And I think that's what builds trust. trust over time as well, trusting that they matter, trusting that you care about them, and trusting that they have space to do the same, even when it's uncomfortable, even when there's disappointments.
SPEAKER_02:Well, we're excited to try this little game section, and we're going to see how this goes here. So this one we're going to do quickly. It's called the Parenting Time Machine. And the question is, if you could travel In time, back to one parenting moment, what would you do differently with the tools we've just shared or just in general, I think is more fun for me as I think about all of the things that I would have done differently. And one of them definitely is playing Rapunzel with Kylie when she was two. And I don't know how many people saw the movie Tangled, which was Disney's Rapunzel movie. But I said to her, I'll play Eugene. And you'd be Rapunzel. And what was she, two or three? Something like that. And all of a sudden she goes to her kitchen, her little play kitchen, and I'm not sure what she's doing. And then I'm looking over at something else. And the next thing I know, she whacks me with a frying pan, her play frying pan. And I'm like, what the heck just happened? And I guess, you know, from the scene in the movie, Rapunzel hits Eugene with a frying pan. And she remembered that scene quite well. And that's what she wanted to reenact. So in hindsight, one thing I would change is I would put a helmet on Or I would not, I would play a different game with it. How's that? Is that? A
SPEAKER_00:little off the mark, but a good story for things that you regret not having.
SPEAKER_02:It's not quite around the topic.
SPEAKER_00:No.
SPEAKER_02:But if I had a time machine, I would definitely do that.
SPEAKER_00:Yes.
SPEAKER_02:It actually hurt. I
SPEAKER_00:know. I was there. I saw it, and it did hurt. It was kind of funny from where I was sitting. Did you know what happened? No warning? You didn't know? It happened so fast that when I realized it was happening, it happened. Oh, boy. That was so on you, but let's not even talk about that. All right. I'm hearing blame. I'm knowing blame. Don't be ashamed now. Yes. All right. So, gosh, I'm going to name like three off the bat. Giving advice when a heart hug was asked for. I have done that on numerous occasions and had such regret around that, but in that moment got so triggered. So that was definitely a work in progress. Yeah. Kylie sharing trouble around her friends and friend relationships. And my immediate reaction is to give her advice about all that she's doing wrong versus listening with empathy and then telling her all the things that she's doing wrong. Jordan, when she and we share this in episode when she dropped her iPad. And after that started using Kylie's and I was hovering over her, you know, waiting. Don't don't move it here and don't move it there. And I caused so much anxiety for that poor child in that moment. And I'm sure there are so many more, but those would be the top three.
SPEAKER_02:I would do one more. Actually, I would do a lot more. But with time, I'm going to say one more. I would have told Kylie, I want to go first in a game because. The first time she realized anybody in the world wants to go first besides her was when Jordan was old enough to play a game, her younger sister, which she was about, what, four or five? And Jordan wanted to go first. So Kylie, for six years of her life, thought that she always goes first and no one else in the world wants to go first. And I think that that's one of the challenges of first kid is realizing that other people's needs matter and there's impact from her choices. So that's a little more on topic to help her connect to the impact of her always going first and not checking in do other people want to as well.
SPEAKER_00:Yes. Yes. All right. So now it's your turn. Pause this episode or we invite you to pause this episode and try it for yourself or with your partner. What's one parenting moment you'd love a redo on? What would you try instead? Aiming for more connection and less control. And if you feel inspired to share it with us, we'd love to hear about it. Email parents at webetogether.com. Awesome.
SPEAKER_02:And you can even ask your kids what they would redo if they could time travel with you.
SPEAKER_00:I love that.
SPEAKER_02:Might be a fun thing.
SPEAKER_00:Absolutely.
SPEAKER_02:Just one last thing. True accountability doesn't come from pain. It comes from partnership. The kind that builds trust. I love that. I
SPEAKER_00:love that. I love that. True accountability doesn't come from pain. It comes from partnership. Yes. Yes, indeed. All right. Well, thank you so much for listening. We'd love to hear your stories, messy, beautiful, and anything in between. Email us at parents at webetogether.com. And please, please don't forget to rate and review the podcast. If this series helped shift something in you, subscribe and stay connected and share with others.
SPEAKER_02:Thank you for listening.
SPEAKER_00:Thank you, everyone.