Ep. 49: Chasing Success, Losing Yourself?

Wake-Up Call Time!

Matt & Alona unpack with Marcos Spaziani's how relentless hustle, 16-hour days, and “I’ll get healthy later” thinking crash into reality… and how to pivot toward inner boundaries, sleep, connection, and delicious plant-powered eating that actually sticks. 🍽️💥🌱 

Lean-in moments that might sting (in the best way):

• “Early detection is late detection.” Why waiting for labs to flag trouble is a dangerous myth—and what to do now.
• The grind lies: building an empire while your body breaks. Marcos’ hospital wake-ups vs. the fantasy of “I’ll rest after launch.”
• Inner boundaries > burnout: trading urgency-scarcity for grounded limits that make you more effective (and kinder at home). 

Have a Kinectin Account? Explore these Nudges to see how they apply to your own life — in a way only Amari can.

Nudge 1: “Work has me running 12–16 hours and I keep telling myself I’ll get healthy later. Help me set inner boundaries for sleep, food, and connection so I stop trading my body for my goals.”

What is Amari? webe Parents has partnered with Kinectin to bring you Amari, your personal AI coach. Now you can interact with the ideas from our podcasts, articles, and parenting tips — and Amari will help you apply them directly to your pesonal Life. Don't have a Kinectin Account? Create one here

#parent #parents #webeParents #parenting #family #connection #selfcare #burnout #worklifebalance #resilience #wellbeing #mentalhealth #stress #anxiety #sleep #boundaries #relationships #marriage #nutrition #plantbased #wholefoods #recipes #chef #BelowDeck #immigrantstory #mindfulness #healthylifestyle #AIcoach #Kinectin #Amari 

To learn more about what Alona & Matt are up to check us out at webeparents.com, or follow us on our socials at Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, or YouTube. Be sure to subscribe to webe Pärents wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts.

Transcript

Alona: 0:00

Hey there, we'd love for you to hit that subscribe button. By subscribing, you're helping us spread the word and connect with more amazing people like you.

Producer: 0:09

Welcome to We Be Parents, where parent doctors Matthew Letterman and Alona Polday explore current parenting topics, share stories, and help bring families closer together.

Alona: 0:24

Hello, and welcome back to We Be Parents, where we help families grow closer together across generations. Whether you're raising a young child, navigating the parenting partnerships with a spouse, or working on healing with your own parents, we're here to explore how connection grows in all directions. Hi, everyone. I'm Dr. Alona Polday. Hi,

Matt: 0:46

I'm Dr. Matthew Letterman.

Alona: 0:48

And we're so excited to welcome back Marcos, who was our guest last... And in the last episode, we talked about food, about how Marcos, who is a boxer and a chef and a sailor who has sailed across the world and someone who has cooked for presidents and prime ministers and royalty and actors and celebrities and has lived an incredibly rich life full of wonderful experiences, also went through his own health transformation with a 30-day challenge that he did with us and with Beyond Meat. And at the end of that episode, you talked about the challenges that came up after the transformation and how some to all of the incredible benefits that you had experienced while on the transformation have kind of reversed and defaulted back to where you were before. And in this episode, we're going to talk a little bit more about those challenges and then hopefully have some good advice for you as far as how to get yourself back on track

Matt: 2:06

and then our plan will be to continue following Marcos and helping him stay on track and then hopefully for people listening they'll get some pearls and because I don't think you're the only person in the world Marcos that's fallen off I hope

Marcos: 2:22

not

Matt: 2:24

no Everybody else has it all figured out. Marcos is the last person, and then we're all good. No, so that's, you know, everybody can relate to this. So I think this will be really helpful. Welcome back, Marcos. Thank you.

Marcos: 2:37

Thank you, guys. Hello, everyone, again. It's me, Chef Marcos. Again, so blessed to be here with you guys and share my personal story with all the listeners and be so grateful to have you guys, you know, coaching me pretty much how to live my life better and healthier. It's not all about money, guys, out there. If you don't have health, Yeah, I'm sitting on my, yeah, right now I'm in my restaurant. It's been, it's a new restaurant. I opened this restaurant four months ago after the challenge. It's in downtown LA. The name is O by Marco Spaziani. It's Italian, Venezuelan, with a little bit of a sailing story. You know, it's a story tale. You know, my menu is a story tale, which one of the dishes, like I said before, is dedicated for, the healthy life, you know, that challenge I did would be on me than you guys. And yeah, you guys more than welcome to come one day, you know, and ask for Chef Marcos and I'm going to cook healthy for you guys, which is the first menu that is actually the healthiest I ever have in my 27 years of career. So yeah, thank you guys for having me back again. Yeah. It was, yeah, it was, yeah, it took me sleep, my sleep away, increased my stress, everything. It was so different, like, from being super healthy. I was already trying to change my health, but then I become super healthy with you guys. And the only challenge, and then downhill. That one was not even a downhill. I just jumped to a cliff. That's pretty much how I felt. And... And the good thing about this is I'm very aware. Your body already know what's good, and then you just take it away. It's like when you give a candy, the most delicious candy to a kid, and then you take it away, what's going to happen? He's going to cry. You're going to cry on all the best toy. Remember when you were a kid and you had your best toy and your mom take that toy away? That's how it felt. And you're angry. Obviously, I didn't cry. I did. It was like, I want to go back to this time. But sometimes you just don't know how. And that's when you have to go to professionals.

Matt: 5:55

I like how you equated your health to your best toy. That's really, I mean, when you think about it, that's really, there's no better, no more important toy than your health and how you feel every day.

Marcos: 6:12

back in the day that was when you're a kid you don't care about nothing you care about that car that little oh any toy you prefer mine was a car they take that from me no sleep crying no eating it was like my life was over yes so this is how i feel you know and i Back then, you're not aware. You're a kid, obviously. But now it's like, you know, I need that car back.

Alona: 6:44

I love that. Can you give our listeners just kind of a comparison how you felt on and after the transformation and then kind of where you're feeling now so they have a reference point? Sure.

Marcos: 7:00

Well, definitely when I started the challenge, I already have a little bit of a healthy life. But when I started with you guys, the best part was the knowledge. You know, there's a lot of ignorance out there. I don't judge anybody, but sadly, they don't want you to know so they can keep lying to you. The olive oil, you blow my mind with the olive oil marketing situation. Those kind of things, you know, it's like, it make me be more aware and the more knowledge I have, the better you eat. So I started feeling so great. Like the first two or three days, I was lost pretty much. It was a lot of info also, you know, filling out the log, you know, all that stuff. I was like, but then when this become part of your life, it becomes easier. You know, it's like after 21 days, you normally get used to do this, kind of like a routine. But again, life. In between, I become like nobody else. I'm 46 years old. I've been always an athlete. I've been surfing all around the world. I've been doing jiu-jitsu, boxing. I always do extreme sports. And this is the first time I feel so great, so strong. And even I was training. I used to go to work. I used to do all this stuff. And I sleep seven hours to eight hours. And I used to, oh, I forgot to talk about this, my sleeping changed. You know, I used to wake up in between. I was snoring. I stopped snoring. My girlfriend told me, you don't snore anymore as before. So that was one big, big one right there. And when I wake up in the morning, it was like you feel rest. And I don't feel foggy. You know when you wake up, it takes like three hours to, OK, I'm OK now? When I was doing the diet, I would come like, bing, like, good to go. Probably drink water, remember, a glass of water. And it was like, right, remember, I have a problem. I don't remember names. That's one thing that I have that issue. and I started to remember everyone's names. And even one of my friends, like, what's wrong with you? Like, nothing. Nothing's wrong. It's actually good. I've been wrong all my life. You know what I mean? So, yeah, that's the way I saw it.

Matt: 10:15

My name is Matthew. Matthew, just so you

Marcos: 10:20

know. I know, but it took me some time to know this. I had to know you to remember the name and i will never forget about it but if we met once i will call you luis in the next day and people know my name is carla okay i'm sorry bro my bad because i really meet a lot of people every single day yeah but now after that i was something happened something that i remember everyone's names I don't know if it's because of that. My vision was better. It was a little bit blurry in my vision before the plant-based. And when I start eating healthier, my vision becomes way better

Matt: 11:09

too. It's all interconnected. When your insulin resistance improves and the less glucose, you can still, we talked about this last episode where you can have excess glucose, blood sugar, and because of insulin resistance, but not be diabetic yet. That can cause that can cause some blurriness of the vision for example or you can sleeping if you don't sleep well because of you know snoring which can be worsened by things like dairy and it causes increased congestion because there's

Marcos: 11:39

weight

Matt: 11:40

and weight right and so all of it and then when you don't sleep well you're not going to be able to think as clearly and remember name there's so much that's all those small blood vessels open up very quickly that can get blocked very quickly so you get better flow of oxygen and nutrients to the furthest tissue shoes, the smallest little parts of your body that might have been blocked off or decreased blood. So it's all interconnected. And it manifests as all these feelings that you were experiencing for the first time. And people are like, oh, my God, is this the fountain of youth? And it's no, actually, that's how your body is supposed to function. And because of the way we're eating and living, we get in the way of that. And

Alona: 12:22

yes, I think it is all interconnected. And there were several changes that you made, the transfer And the transformation itself was Marcos did a 30-day, 100% whole food, plant-based diet rich in fruits and vegetables and whole grains and legumes and switching any animal products to Beyond Meat products. And the transformation that you're naming, being able, feeling stronger, sleeping better, having more acuity, being able to think more clearly, that's a huge thing. Your vision changing, your weight dropping, all of that stuff is connected. And it can start at any point. It can start with you made changes in your food. You started eating, you know, maybe a little bit or stopped eating a little bit earlier in the night. But even the food that you were eating was not as heavy and sitting in your system fermenting. So you're able to get a better night's sleep. With that sleep, you get a more restorative night's sleep. morning, and you're able to make healthier choices. So all of that is like an infinity loop that works together.

Matt: 13:34

Right. Even eating higher fat, more oils, and animal products, depending on the type, often have more fat. So by decreasing all that, fat increases or causes the food to sit in the stomach longer. It's called delayed gastric emptying. So the food sits in the stomach longer and doesn't start to move through so imagine if you're eating a higher fat meal at bed you know dinner time and then you lay down and you got this meal that hasn't moved through it's going to affect your sleep it's going to affect digestion oh yeah you know so so this is where and I think what's exciting that you're willing to do Marcos is that you're you're very honest and open you're humble to say hey when things are going well when things aren't going well you're not trying to hide it you don't you know it's just hey how can I do how can I improve How can I do better? And that's why I'm excited. Alona is like our go-to. If anybody can fix anybody with food and weight and all around that, this is Alona's area where she shines among others. But this one, I think, I'm excited for you to work with Alona on this and see how quickly you can get sort of back on the path and feeling really good like we've talked about. It can be just a matter of days once you get these tweaks.

Alona: 14:56

Yeah. So if you've been listening to us for a while, you know we get a lot of questions about what to do in tricky parenting or relationship moments.

Matt: 15:07

Yeah, and if I'm being real, I'm asking Alona those same questions all the time. I get into those same tricky moments as everybody else does. As much as we wish we could be there for each other in those exact moments, we just can't always be.

Alona: 15:18

Yeah, that's why we partnered with the amazing team at Connecton to create something we truly believe in, an AI coach called Amari. And we didn't just lend our names, we helped build it and train it and brought in everything we've learned about emotional healing, connection and communication. Yeah,

Matt: 15:39

we spent years training and learning and we've created Amari who is so calm and grounded, listens deeply and responds with warmth, clarity and compassion. There's no judgment, no reactivity. In fact, we tasked our children with trying to get Amari reactive and they still haven't succeeded. It's just steady support when you need it most.

Alona: 16:03

We use it ourselves all the time, especially when we feel stuck or overwhelmed. And Amari's really helped us pause, reflect, given us insight that helps us come back to each other.

Matt: 16:15

We designed Amari to help you strengthen the relationships that matter most, starting with the one you have with yourself.

Alona: 16:23

And we are so excited that you can try it now at WeBe parents.com and click on we be connecting with a K to sign up and when you have your Amari moment please let us know as we'd love to hear about it

Marcos: 16:45

The last thing you asked me is, you asked me how was before and between and now. I think the now, it was harder than before. The way I, you know, I went back to, I think, Matt, you talk about this like, you know, it's like, I remember you say something that sometimes you, you know, you're trying to, you know, when you do those diets, you know, you know, and then if you don't do the proper diet, you know, you, probably come back pretty quick. The way I felt it on the plan base is my weight didn't get back that quick. What I went back quick is the way I was feeling internal. So I did something great because my weight went back, but it took longer than before. Before, I used to do diets or sport, whatever. In a week, I was getting my weight back. I think because I lose the weight unhealthy, you know, using who knows, pills, whatever it is, you name it. Everyone, you know, those things are out there. But for the first time, I lose weight in a healthy way. So that's why my body felt it so much. But it was more like here and here, more, you know, mentally. People think a lot, no, my body, mentally, it can affect you a lot. I don't know if I felt depressed, but I felt like I'm not okay. And I didn't know how to get back. And that caused me frustration.

Matt: 18:30

So it feels like almost like a little bit of loneliness and discouraged and a little bit, you know, unclear, like you said, a little bit helpless. Like I want to do something different, but I'm not sure what to do. And I think that's a great segue into Alona. How do you approach clients when they're Yes. Yes. And

Alona: 18:58

I think you also named something that I think is very real also is when you see the light, when you've touched that pot of gold and then suddenly it disappears, the contrast is even greater. So when you kind of go back to your default, you recognize sometimes when we're feeling bad all the time, it just begins to disappear. Right. One thing that's really exciting about working with you, Marcos, is that because you're a chef and you have such an incredible gift around food, you know, making food, the meals that you can prepare that are not only nutritious but absolutely delicious blew my mind during the challenge. And I'm really excited, you know, as you start making the changes for you to share that with listeners because a lot of times people think I am I'm making these changes I'm going to a whole foods plant diet or I'm you know plant forward like I'm including more plant foods you don't even have to do a hundred percent but they what they imagine is well now I'm going to be eating rabbit food or salads all day or plain oatmeal or steamed rice or steamed broccoli that's so boring that's tasteless and you can you can tell her tell her audience what you did. Yeah,

Marcos: 20:52

no, like, for example, like, I always say that this is way, way many years ago. I've been doing plant-based food for my restaurants. Always you have to have two or three dishes. I work as a private chef also with a plant-based client, which this is like 10 years ago when it wasn't as crazy. and I had to come train myself as a non-vegan person to develop a lot of vegan recipes. And I want to be honest with you, I wasn't happy back then. Back then, I'm in the middle of an island in the Bahamas, billionaire, and the whole family is vegan. And what you have in an island, most of the times, obviously, fish and chickens. For some reason, it's a lot of chickens in the islands in the Caribbean. And yeah, sometimes it's more chicken than fish. And you have very limited to cook sometimes on those kind of remote islands. So imagine cooking vegan for two weeks, but don't get boring. And these guys are paying you a lot of money. So they don't want steamed rice. So I had to develop that many, many years ago when vegan, it wasn't too recognized as that, you know, like a delicious food. And somehow it helps me. on this challenge and it helped me in my career. So now a lot of chef, this is a proof, this is a fact. You go to a restaurant to offer plant-based food to a chef that is not any vegan food and they're gonna they're not gonna like you you know i say you can go you can go to a different restaurant uh now it's different now it's different but for me i always have that option it was for me easier and that's why when i did this challenge with you guys i said okay i can do that that was one of the biggest uh that was the easy part for me i think i give you the menu like next after i did the whatever i send you the the fire, I shared that fire to everyone. I think I went to extreme, you know, like I thought everyone have to do the same thing. And I just give you all these kind of recipes, you know? And, and yeah, for me, like I can name one of the dishes, you know, I think I made the lomo saltado was the good one. I made the tacos. I make good tacos. I make like, how you doing bro? Sorry. I have to say hello. People coming in and out. And then one of the most delicious thing I remember I made, it was this pasta with, it was a bolognese, but it was way different, you know, like it was so flavorful that I gave it to my girlfriend. I didn't say nothing to her. And she ate it all. And she really thought it was a bolognese. You know, it was like a ragu. beef, you know, I did the same process of my Italian recipe. It's two hours process. And I, I, I came to a brain. Yeah. And, and, It was just like a regular Italian ragu. And I fooled her. I fooled one of my friends. I fooled few people with the Beyond Meat recipes. I didn't say nothing about it. I make a smash burger too one day. What else I made? I was making crazy stuff every single day. It's another thing about me. I make dishes once. Like you come to my restaurant. And I say, Marcos, can you make something for me? Of course. I put some stuff together, I give it to you, and I will never make it again. Not because it's not good, it's just because I know I can do it. Endless.

Alona: 25:20

You have so many things in your head. Yes, I love it.

Marcos: 25:25

And I think that's a gift that God gave me. I don't know. And I tell you why I can cook like this. I work and I thank you. I always say thank you to that guy. It was a very busy restaurant in Orlando. The five-star, four-dining, super, super fancy. 400 persons, we cook every single night.

Alona: 25:50

Wow.

Marcos: 25:51

Perfect food, nice decorated. That guy used to come to the kitchen in the middle of the rush and say, Marcos, I want you to create a special appetizer for 17 people. Imagine, we're cooking for 400 people. Everyone is busy. I have to stop, run to the walking cooler, and open my eyes. And I did that for four years.

Matt: 26:20

Wow.

Marcos: 26:21

And I developed something crazy that doesn't matter where we are. Under pressure, I created something crazy. A lot of chefs cannot do that. A lot of chefs, if they don't have the recipe or they don't try it here first or they don't test it a few times, for me, I know it's going to taste good. I know I can take this decoration from here. So I did that with you guys.

Alona: 26:53

I love it. And that's what makes it easy for you because you are in a kitchen and you do have food accessible and you have that vision. And then it's a question of prioritizing it. We should

Marcos: 27:08

make a book together.

Alona: 27:09

Yes. We should make a book together. I love it. Let's do it.

Matt: 27:14

This episode of We Be Parents is brought to you by We Be Calm, the child calmer designed by doctors and loved by parents.

Alona: 27:21

Struggling with bedtime routines or managing your child's anxiety? We Be Calm transforms deep breathing into a fun and engaging activity, helping kids find their inner calm. Perfect for bedtime stressful moments or any time your child needs a little extra help to stay calm. Visit WeBeCalm.com to learn more and bring tranquility to your family. We be calm because we be in this together.

Matt: 27:52

How do you approach someone who basically– I mean, I think there's so many people listening that could be in the same spot as Marcos, but they're feeling alone and discouraged and a little bit helpless. Yeah. And they don't have maybe all of the skills around the cooking. Maybe they don't have–

Marcos: 28:12

I was thinking of that. What if they don't have the skills?

Matt: 28:16

But I think even if we give them recipes, that's not really the answer. It's not a lack of recipes, I think. that holds people back? How do you identify the first place to go? I

Alona: 28:29

think in every situation, it's going to be a little bit different. But Marcos, you named some primary targets for attention and improvement. The first is sleep. Getting your sleep in order, prioritizing sleep, getting a window of seven to eight hours makes such a difference in everything else that we do. and how we show up in the world and the choices that we make around our food and our energy to be active. In fact, around food, sleep studies show that if you get inadequate sleep over time, you eat more. You eat about 500 calories more a day. And if you do that every single day, that's a pound you're gaining every single week. That's over 50 pounds a year. Oh,

Matt: 29:19

they took two different groups, Marcos. And one group, they limited them to six hours. And the other group, they had an eight-hour window protected. And the group that ate six hours, they were both given the same buffet and said, eat until you're satisfied. And the group that only got six hours of sleep ate so many more calories from the same food until they were satisfied, of the same foods, choices. So do you see what I'm saying? If you can protect your sleep as one of your primary... A lot of people are like, what should I eat next? And Alona goes right to the sleep, for example?

Alona: 29:53

Well, I think it just helps you stay resourced. So a lot of times, one of the first things that I'll tell people is, hey, let's hold off on changing the food. It's very hard to change the food we eat when we're feeling exhausted and depleted. And all we want is just some comfort and peace and numbing out. We don't want to think about adding cooking to that or eating healthy to that. You don't want more. You want less onion plate and that's not no kind of intended yeah

Marcos: 30:28

no because it's also you when you're you're so tired one thing that I for example happened to me when I don't sleep and I'm cooking somebody comes to the kitchen and say Marco I jump like this because I'm like but when I when I'm when I have a lot of sleep Marcos say wake up

Matt: 30:47

yeah your body is actually when you don't get enough sleep your body mobilizes into threat mode so there's it goes from feeling safe to preparing for a threat it thinks that if you're not getting enough sleep there's a threat that's preventing you from getting enough sleep so your nervous system is sort of hyper vigilant and looking for threats so someone who says Marcos when you're feeling safe you're going to say hello but when you're in that hyper vigilant threat state if they say Marcos you know so it's really interesting by getting enough sleep you shift your nervous system into feeling safe and safe seeing the world as a safer place, and then you react that way. Well,

Alona: 31:26

that was the second thing that you named was stress. And when you're in that mobilized fight or flight all the time and stressed, what happens in your body, and you named it in the last episode too, is you start an inflammatory cascade that is just as detrimental as if you're eating junk food all the time. So that chronic stress, that mobilization, that startle, all of that is impacting inflammation in your body. And you talked about that. When you started going back to eating more unhealthy foods, you noticed inflammation in the hernia in your back. So all of that correlates. So one of the first things that I like to tell people is how can we protect your sleep, even if we start making gradual changes? So, you know, if somebody's sleeping four to five hours, I don't tell them, okay, the next day you have to sleep eight Right. So it's always working with the individual. And so it's what's doable for you. How would you go around prioritizing your sleep to get, let's even start with seven hours of consistent sleep an hour?

Marcos: 32:51

Yeah, well, I definitely can. I can do seven hours. I probably have to minimize my duties. It's more like a change of mentality. Sometimes I don't have to be here that many hours. Sometimes you believe you have to be here. For example, in my restaurant, it's more about should I leave and give these guys some... some duties you know the trust let's talk about the trust again uh and so that he can close the business so i can rest two more hours so this is one of the things i've been doing you know i don't i don't micromanage you know you need to trust your team but that way that way is i think it's one of the ways i can go back to seven i did sleep couple a couple days i left early. Nothing happened. My goal is increase my sleeping because I know it helps a lot. One of the things is what's happening to me. I want to share that with you guys. Those days that I come back home early because I want to sleep more, I go home and I'm right super awake. I take a shower and I go to bed. I turn the light off and you know I just my brain is the monkey oh yes and I don't know so I can't sleep sometimes

Alona: 34:31

and even when I go early you named something that so many people I hear that so often and it's kind of funny how we expect all day we're riled up we're in survival mode we're in fight or flight we're waiting for the tiger to attack and then we think that just because It says 10 p.m. on the clock. Oh, my mind is just going to shut off. I'm going to forget all of that. And so, you know, there's a lot of stuff that needs to happen to lower that mobilization. They talk about sleep hygiene. One of the biggest things that I think sleep hygiene gives us is a transition from that fight or flight that we're noticing all day long. and allows us to unwind in a way that invites sleep, that says it's safe to sleep. You know, Matt talked about the mobilization. When you're in fight flight and your brain is scanning for danger, sleep is a very dangerous thing. We don't want to fall asleep when the tiger's coming at us. We need to be hyper awake. And so your body, when it's feeling that mobilization, doesn't want to sleep. I remember our daughter, she's 13, but when she was really little, she had the hardest time. She's very hyper and, you know, activity all day long. Her mind's busy. And so come bedtime, it would be really challenging. I'm not tired, Mom. I don't want to go to sleep. She's thrashing around. And if we sang a song together or read a bedtime story or listen to a guided meditation. The kid was out like, you know, like in seconds. All she needed was just to relax her body to say it's safe to fall asleep.

Matt: 36:35

And that's the key is turning on. People think they have sleep problems. They don't have sleep problems. They have safety problems. If their body doesn't experience this, they're more important than their nervous system because their head, they'll be like, of course I'm safe. I'm in my bedroom. The door is locked. I'm fine. It's not what your head thinks. It's what your body experiences and if your body experiences safety it will turn on those safety physiology which will then allow you to very easily fall asleep and there's things we can do for example alona talked about singing uh anything that triggers the vagus nerve so singing humming like uh you know you can push on the eyes i'll i'll have people like close their eyes and just push gently on the eyeballs which can also stimulate the vagus nerve going into a child's I still have it. Oh, you still have it. And then the other thing is your focus is on helping your body get safety signals, not focused on falling asleep. If you start thinking about falling asleep and you aren't falling asleep, then your body thinks that's a problem, which then gets you back into that vigilant state. So your goal is to rest and give the body rest. Don't tell your body it has to sleep. Let that come when the safety comes on.

Alona: 38:18

And the question also, you know, one of the things, is that I heard as a worry is, can I trust my team to close the restaurant, which is a valid concern. So then it becomes, and I don't know, but it becomes, okay, maybe that is too much of a stretch at the moment. What about coming in later in the day? So can I trust

Matt: 38:43

my team

Alona: 38:43

to open? Can I trust my team to open? So maybe I go to sleep later, but I also wake up a little later. Or, you know, just kind of testing out what are the different options that I even have in the day. And then even during your day to be able to take some breaks, like, and they could be, you know, a minute, two minutes, five minute breaks, two or three of them in the day, just to do that same thing, to do the breathing, to remind yourself you're calm. You know, you don't have the tiger chasing you. And so that you're setting yourself up. It's almost like memory recall. So that when you get to bed and it's bedtime and you start that breathing, your body remembers, oh, this is safe.

Matt: 39:32

Yeah, I set my timer on my watch to go off every hour. And when it goes off, I might put my hand on my leg, close my eyes in my chair. Or if I'm with people, I won't close my eyes. I'll just have my hand in my pocket and I'll take a breath and I'll blow out slowly. like the weeby breath. And I'll think to myself, I'll think I'm safe and I'm okay and there's time and I'm just doing a couple of breaths and then I go back to work. So it's scattering those in throughout

Alona: 40:05

your day. And you named something in the last episode, Marcus, that I think is really important to kind of bring back to people's awareness because I talk about that with clients all the time. So they tell me similar things, but I can't, I need to do all of this stuff. It all depends on me. I'm the only one who And my question to them is, okay, what happens if you run yourself ragged and you end up in the hospital? Does it just stop? You know, do the cogs, the wheels just stop? Things close down? Or do people pick up the slack because you're physically not available to it? And, you know, I found myself in that same position as a mom where I'm like, yeah, but I'm the only one that can take care of the kids this way. And I'm the only one that could cook dinner. And I'm the only one, blah, blah, blah, whatever I give myself. up the list of things to do. And then I say, yeah, and if I end up hurting myself or harming myself and not being available to those children, what happens? Do they just not get taken care of? No, of course they'll get taken care of. And so it's keeping things also in perspective. And you named that, which I thought was so cool, is like health is one of the most important things you can give yourself

Matt: 41:20

to What's your reaction to all of this, Marcos? I'm curious. We just threw a lot at you. What's up? What's your reaction to all of this? We just threw a lot at you, so I'm curious.

Marcos: 41:31

Yeah, definitely. I've been changing. I've been changing a lot. Even today, I just told you guys today that I don't even open the restaurant today. That's one big thing. I didn't open. Maybe years ago, I would say, this is my time, my window to do the podcast part. This is one test right now i prefer my health because this is my health right now over a business over oh and i you know i just put i just call people i just call my team i call my employees as listen this is very important for me because if i don't do this i'm not gonna open the restaurant in three moments because I'm going to end up in the hospital. Let's say, you know, I put it that way. So everyone is like, oh, okay, do it. So even my employees support me and they say, you know what, just do it. And then who knows, maybe I share that with them. And that's how you create that chain, you know, of sharing. But yeah, right now I'm very pumped right now because I was a little bit, not going to lie to you, I was a little bit depressed and lonely, like you say, and frustrated, how I can get back. I try to myself, but sometimes I think the humans, most men than the women, men don't talk. A lot of men out there, they don't talk. I've been hearing more and more people taking their own life just because they don't talk, have friends. Out there, if people are leaving Listen to me. It doesn't matter if you're the head of the house. It doesn't matter if you're four brothers. Talk about it. Talk about how you feel. You know, I believe that the more we talk, the more people can help and the more normal it's going to be for you guys. You know, I used to have problems in the past that I couldn't talk about it. I started crying. But the more I talk about it, I was more, you know, like used to. So it wasn't that bad for me to talk about it. And now I can talk about it. I don't cry at all. And I actually become, you know, I don't even remember that, you know?

Alona: 44:10

So it's one thing I have to share. Yes. That's a really important part of safety is not repressing and suppressing what you feel inside. Because what you find is that the way you feel, so many other people feel too. which gave me an idea for you. I'm curious if you brought this back to your team and said, hey, team, what if we all did a challenge where they can get creative? They're in the kitchen. They have the meals. So it doesn't always land on you. You're so busy. You have so many things to do. And this is what I like to do with my clients too is for me as a mom, it has to be easy or it doesn't happen. I'm just too busy. So I really try and give that to my clients as well. It has to be easy so that it's sustainable. And sometimes that ease comes in not having it all rest on you. So you make some of your meals, but maybe you make some meals and you share them with a team. And then somebody else on your team makes a meal that they share with a team, you know, and then all of a sudden you find, oh, well, now instead of cooking for myself, you know, once it three times a day I just have to make one meal a day and the other two are kind of taking care for me so I don't know just something to think about if that's even a possibility if anybody's even interested I'm

Marcos: 45:36

more than I'm more than open I have a visitor here quick I'm here that's my girlfriend

Alona: 45:43

hi oh so nice to meet you

Marcos: 45:45

she may be gonna jump it up she probably don't hear you I have the headphone but okay they say nice to meet you all right All right. Bye, guys. Take it easy. That's great. Bye-bye.

Matt: 45:59

Well, I like the idea of bringing people in. If you do things in community, we tend to be more successful. If you bring your partner in, like at nighttime, wind downs, even if you could, as a role model, do things like, hey, let's take a breath to restore in the middle of a crazy dinner rush. How long to take one, let's do an inhale and a slow exhale and then everybody back, you know, we can go back to work or whoever wants, you don't have to demand it, but who wants, who wants to

Marcos: 46:29

join? That's actually interesting. That's actually, I never see that in my 27 years. You know, like when we're in the rush, it's like, it's stressful. From, let's say, 5 p.m., you can be nonstop for three hours in that very high speed, blah, blah. But one minute is not going to change anything.

Matt: 46:57

Exactly.

Marcos: 46:58

But it can change everything. Yeah, it could change your whole body. Or for us, it changed everything for us. But I mean, it's not going to change anything.

Alona: 47:08

Yes, exactly. Exactly. Right. Yes.

Marcos: 47:12

One minute. We're not talking about five, ten. Right. That could be a chaos. But if it's one minute every hour. 60 seconds. Yeah. Exactly.

Matt: 47:26

Am I going to do it?

Alona: 47:53

have been when you start depleting and getting under resourced

Matt: 47:57

yeah and and the whole way like when you're driving home do you drive home or walk home at the end

Marcos: 48:03

i drive uh some i drive sometimes i take over okay

Matt: 48:08

but when you on your way home how long is the ride about 14 minutes. 14 minutes. So one thing you can do, which is actually very hard, is to count the number of breaths it takes to get home. So if you're in Uber or you're driving, just notice how many breaths it takes. You're probably going to not be able to do it at first. I struggle to do it because I forget. My mind wanders. But there's all sorts of things you can play with. But by doing that, that creates safety for the nervous system, which is going to help you at home, which is then going to help you eat different Help you sleep differently. It's going to help you have energy to want to cook differently. It's this wonderful ripple effect that's going to start happening. Plus, you're going to be getting this ongoing support. You're going to bring your team in. 60-second restores throughout the day. It feels wonderful. And you're going to start to feel different. And when you come back and meet again with Alona, let's say, you're going to be able to give more information about what worked, what didn't work, which will then help her determine where to go next.

Alona: 49:12

Yeah. The one last thing that I want to add because that's the name of the game here is that's the last piece of advice that I'm going to kind of share today is sometimes adding not subtracting not what do I take away or what do I eliminate but what can I add right now really helps to reconfigure a plate because it starts crowding out what you don't want so it's not I can't have the pizza or I can't have the hot dogs but what am I going to have before that. The

Matt: 49:44

potatoes.

Alona: 49:45

The potatoes. Have a

Matt: 49:46

potato before your hot dog.

Alona: 49:48

Yes. Have a potato before your hot dog. And so, you know, what can I add right now to just make it easier and crowd out the other stuff? So just to summarize the three things is really prioritize sleep. Try and see where in the day you can take that one minute. You know, if one minute every hour would be amazing so that That's going to be my goal.

Matt: 50:43

that's not working as much as you tell her everything that's working. Because whatever works or doesn't work, both of those pieces of information help pivot the program to make it more effective for you. So it's not about impressing Alona or making her happy. It's about really reporting what's happening in your world, what's happening in your body. And then from there, she gets to figure out where to go.

Alona: 51:06

That's what's fun for me anyway. It's finding those pieces of the puzzle that, you know.

Marcos: 51:11

Let's do it.

Alona: 51:12

Yeah, let's do it.

Marcos: 51:13

let's do this and I actually gonna push with my team the that minute of breathing not just me I think we're gonna stop the whole I stopped the whole kitchen and everyone

Matt: 51:27

that'd be fun I love

Marcos: 51:29

it I

Matt: 51:29

know you can even record it and put it on your Instagram I'd love I'd love to see it

Marcos: 51:35

yeah I think I'm gonna see that yeah

Matt: 51:38

the 60

Marcos: 51:38

second I'm gonna do it with the bars yeah

Matt: 51:41

that's awesome

Marcos: 51:42

I think it's doable I

Matt: 51:43

love it. I love it. And we call it a restore, you know, where you restore your system, just a 60 second restore. I'm going to do it for sure.

Alona: 51:51

Well, Marcos, it has been so much fun to have you and to get to talk to you and learn more about your world and your process. And congratulations on your new restaurant. It's so exciting.

Marcos: 52:02

Thank you so much, guys. Thank you. Thank you so much. And I'm very happy to connect with you guys. And for the first time, share with you more about who I am. I know we have a conversation in the past, but it was too many people and you couldn't hear that much. It was too much going on for you guys. I think for the first time I actually tell you for real what's going on in my life. The more we know each other, the more I tell you. And if that can help people out there, and again, you guys are not alone.

Alona: 52:41

Your experiences and feedback are... invaluable to us

Matt: 52:45

please email us at parents at webetogether.com with your own cheers and tears as well as any questions or stories you'd like to share and

Alona: 52:52

we'd love for you to hit that subscribe button bye for now