Cycle Breaker and Change Maker | Introduction to Overworking as a Trauma Response

Episode 17 - Introduction to Overworking and Workaholic behavior as a Trauma Response

Overworking happens when you are exceeding your capacity at work - this capacity can be physical, mental or emotional.  Overworking occurs when you work too long, too hard or too much.  Similarly to overworking, workaholics have an inability to control the time they spend on work, even if working has negative health and relationship consequences.  Although Overworking and Workaholic behaviors are very similar, they differ in that workaholics tend to act out compulsion and fear.

Even though it may not be obvious at first, both responses can be a trauma response.

 So what exactly is overworking as a trauma response?

Trauma and the feelings that come with it are hard and uncomfortable; they can be painful and extremely unsettling.  If this is the case for you, work can so easily become a very welcome distraction.  Work can feel like a safe place because you can immerse yourself in it, it can be a place of logic or chaos but it is a place that is not in your mind  and not made out of your feelings which is where the relief comes in.  Trauma victims may get lost in work - they may even work through discomfort and physical pain because they are so accustomed to putting their unresolved feelings into their jobs.

If you find yourself immersing yourself in work as a distraction from other areas of your life that are causing dissatisfaction or stress, you could be experiencing overworking or workaholism as a trauma response.

Transcript

Episode 17 - Introduction to Overworking and Workaholic behavior as a Trauma Response

Overworking happens when you are exceeding your capacity at work - this capacity can be physical, mental or emotional.  Overworking occurs when you work too long, too hard or too much.  Similarly to overworking, workaholics have an inability to control the time they spend on work, even if working has negative health and relationship consequences.  Although Overworking and Workaholic behaviors are very similar, they differ in that workaholics tend to act out compulsion and fear.

Even though it may not be obvious at first, both responses can be a trauma response.

 So what exactly is overworking as a trauma response?

Trauma and the feelings that come with it are hard and uncomfortable; they can be painful and extremely unsettling.  If this is the case for you, work can so easily become a very welcome distraction.  Work can feel like a safe place because you can immerse yourself in it, it can be a place of logic or chaos but it is a place that is not in your mind  and not made out of your feelings which is where the relief comes in.  Trauma victims may get lost in work - they may even work through discomfort and physical pain because they are so accustomed to putting their unresolved feelings into their jobs.

If you find yourself immersing yourself in work as a distraction from other areas of your life that are causing dissatisfaction or stress, you could be experiencing overworking or workaholism as a trauma response.

Why does overworking or workaholism happen and how does it impact the negative cycle?

Work addiction and overworking tendencies can occur for many reasons - we do live in a time where we are torn between hustle culture and the fictitious ideology of a work-life balance which in and of itself can lead to challenges limiting our work time either because of trying to keep up or because of blurred lines between work and non work time.  Today however,   I will be discussing overworking and workaholism as it relates to a trauma response.

Extreme, hyper or toxic productivity can be a response to a past trauma - it is an easy way to avoid unwanted thoughts and painful feelings.  It sets a false pretense of being able to outrun your trauma.  Having goals that are achievable and accomplished provide a hit of dopamine and feel great, it's no wonder we enjoy working.  The alternative is when we stop working, our symptoms don’t go away, in fact they increase because there is no distraction, so we go back to  working even more.

This does not resolve the cycle of trauma, it only perpetuates it and allows our behavior to impact future generations.  Imagine you have a family that you are never present for because you are always working?  In children, workaholism fosters perfectionism.

Children may never have the opportunity to build a healthy attachment if their parent is never emotionally available. Partners and friends may feel unimportant and even abandoned if they are never given connection attention or affection where appropriate.  Unmet needs in children, can lead to the growing up to overwork and so the cycle repeats.

My story and how overworking has impacted me as an adult:

For as long as I can remember, I have worked or volunteered.  As soon as I was old enough to make jewelry I  set up my own business on the front lawn selling my one of a kind creations. I volunteered my time in hospitals and worked paid jobs as soon as I was legally allowed - I would take on as much work as I could and I would work hard.  I worked hard on paid work, volunteer work and school work.  I remember on nights with my friends as a young adult I would always be working on something.   As an adult with a young family this did not change, I added the job and life stage of having young children right on and did not take anything away  - people have often said to me they cannot believe how much I can get done and that I am a machine.  Believe it or not, that was never a compliment to me, it was never a badge of honor, it was never something I felt proud of - I just did not know how to operate any other way.   

What have I done to break the cycle of how overworking has impacted me?

Step 1:

Acknowledging what is happening.  I had to acknowledge that I was overworking, sometimes family or friends can help with this because they will tell you you are not present enough, they may tell you you are always working -  if this is happening, I urge you to listen.  You do not need to change anything just yet, but listen.  Work felt like it was always on my mind and I mean always, from the moment I woke up to the moment I went to sleep - I realized I was not able to shut my work brain off.  WHile I could enjoy moments of presence in other facets of my life, as soon as those moments were over, my good old reliable friend work would creep right back in.   I reached a point of not wanting to live this way.  Life is fleeting, I know that more than anyone after almost dying when I was 18 so I wanted to live differently, more happily.

Step 2:

Boundaries.  Setting up boundaries for others is helpful and needed of course, and if colleagues are not respecting your boundaries you need to take corrective actions - boundaries. This will hopefully evolve to a norm as the right to disconnect policies broaden their reach and enforcement.  If you overwork or are a workaholic the biggest boundary you need to set, and arguably the hardest one - is with yourself.  You have to get off of your computer or out of your workplace,  do another activity that requires your full focus and attention at first if the silence is hard.  Do another activity that fulfills and energizes you.

Step 3:

Find a new way to work.  There is no such thing as a perfect work/life balance, I won’t pretend there is because I don’t ever want to set you up to think that is something you can attain and it puts too much pressure on you to try to achieve something that is not real.  However you can work in a more tempered way, you don't have to go at 150 percent all the time because that will exhaust you, you can allow yourself to shut off - try e-mail pausing programs, get a personal phone so you don’t check your work phone, have an after work ritual for the transition.  If work does come up because it invariably will, jot the thought down, get it out and do not go back to it until your designated work time.  Don’t multitask- humans cannot actually multitask that is another fallacy and task switching is extremely unproductive - focus on one task if a thought comes into your head, jot it down but don’t start working on that new thought until you are finished with your first one.

My experience - how implementing the steps outlined above led to a positive outcome:

Changing my perspective and habits around work was not easy for me, because I had always operated in one way - I overworked.   I had to completely learn a new way of managing my mind and my time.  Once I did,, I became incredibly efficient with my work time and had so much more time for myself. By not overworking, I was able to figure out how to manage the time I would allow myself to work within and created a system to work around other aspects of my mind and life that needed nourishment - for example I love to learn new things, I love to research new concepts and I love to volunteer my time.  When I was overworking, I could not do any of these things.  Understanding that i was running away from my past right into work was eye opening and life changing, after making space for uncomfortable emotions to come, and to go and taking care of myself in ways that no one ever did when I was a child, I have been able to experience a level of happiness and peace I never knew existed.  If you need help getting here, I am here for you, please reach out to me for help.