Cycle Breaker and Change Maker | Introduction to not being able to stay present as a trauma response

 Episode 23 - Introduction to not being able to stay present as a trauma response

Are you finding it difficult to stay in the moment, constantly feeling like your mind is re-living the past or in a constant state of worry about the future? Do you often catch yourself losing focus during conversations because you are preoccupied with other thoughts or, perhaps you  disconnect and dissociate during stressful situations? If so, this might be tied to your trauma history. If you experience any of these things, please know, you are not alone, and what you’re experiencing is a very real and common response to trauma.

So what exactly does it mean to not be able to stay present?

Being unable to stay present, or feeling disconnected from the here and now, often stems from unresolved trauma. This can present itself as a mental fog, dissociation, or hyper-awareness of your surroundings. Your brain may go into overdrive, pulling you out of the current moment as a way to protect you from perceived danger, even if no immediate threat is present. This survival mechanism, while helpful in dangerous situations, can interfere with your daily life, relationships, and overall sense of well-being.

Why does not being able to stay present happen, and how does it impact the negative cycle?

Trauma can alter the way your brain processes information. When you’ve experienced trauma, your mind learns to be hyper-vigilant, always scanning for threats. This can make it difficult to focus on the present because you’re preoccupied with anticipating danger or reliving past experiences. Over time, this cycle can become self-reinforcing—the more you disconnect from the present, the harder it becomes to ground yourself in reality. This can negatively affect your relationships, work, and self-esteem as you feel increasingly detached from the world around you.

Transcript

Episode 23 - Introduction to not being able to stay present as a trauma response

Are you finding it difficult to stay in the moment, constantly feeling like your mind is re-living the past or in a constant state of worry about the future? Do you often catch yourself losing focus during conversations because you are preoccupied with other thoughts or, perhaps you  disconnect and dissociate during stressful situations? If so, this might be tied to your trauma history. If you experience any of these things, please know, you are not alone, and what you’re experiencing is a very real and common response to trauma.

So what exactly does it mean to not be able to stay present?

Being unable to stay present, or feeling disconnected from the here and now, often stems from unresolved trauma. This can present itself as a mental fog, dissociation, or hyper-awareness of your surroundings. Your brain may go into overdrive, pulling you out of the current moment as a way to protect you from perceived danger, even if no immediate threat is present. This survival mechanism, while helpful in dangerous situations, can interfere with your daily life, relationships, and overall sense of well-being.

Why does not being able to stay present happen, and how does it impact the negative cycle?

Trauma can alter the way your brain processes information. When you’ve experienced trauma, your mind learns to be hyper-vigilant, always scanning for threats. This can make it difficult to focus on the present because you’re preoccupied with anticipating danger or reliving past experiences. Over time, this cycle can become self-reinforcing—the more you disconnect from the present, the harder it becomes to ground yourself in reality. This can negatively affect your relationships, work, and self-esteem as you feel increasingly detached from the world around you.

Here is my story and how not being able to stay present has impacted me as an adult:

Due to my traumatic upbringing I spent all of my formative years feeling like I had to walk on eggshells, I would blame myself for any volatility in the home and constantly try to determine what I had done to cause it.  Imagine, a young child thinking they could control the world around them and that they were at fault for the abuse they endured.  Sadly, this is a very common result of childhood trauma.  As a result, I spent years of my life feeling like I was in a constant state of "autopilot." I would be physically present in a room but often mentally somewhere else— in a constant state of worry about the future and actively troubleshooting it.  It was as if I was incapable of being fully present at any moment.  Moments of pure joy and happiness would quickly be overshadowed with worry.  For a long time, I didn’t realize this state of being was tied to my trauma.  

When I finally connected the dots between my trauma and my inability to stay present, it completely changed my life. Understanding this was a coping mechanism developed in response to past pain gave me the foundation to start healing.

So what have I done to break the cycle of how not being able to stay present has impacted me?

Step 1: Acknowledgment. 

This step is fundamental and often repeated throughout my episodes because it’s so important. If you don’t recognize that there’s an issue, you can’t begin to address it. I had to admit to myself that my inability to stay present was a part of my day to day lived experience.  However, it wasn’t just who I was—it was a response to my trauma. Once I could name it, I could start to work on it.

Step 2: Grounding techniques. 

I began practicing grounding exercises to help bring myself back to the present moment. This included simple actions like focusing on my breath, naming five things I could see around me, or holding onto a textured object to anchor myself in reality. These small steps helped me stay connected to the present when my mind wanted to drift to the past or to worrying about an unknown future.

Step 3: Practice with staying present.

The first time I made a conscious effort to stay present, I cried - it was such an uncomfortable place for me.  It truly felt like an impossible feat.  Like anything new in life, you need to develop and exercise the new muscle.  Start with small and manageable steps - this can be a 5 minute guided meditation with the intention of staying present during it.  Maybe doing a 5 minute craft, 5 minute acting scene or singing.  Exercising your creativity is a wonderful way to help conquer your anxiety.  From this, you can build on it, adding more time and new activities slowly. Practise self-compassion when you inevitably find yourself slipping out of the present moment. Over time, these practices will help you create a greater sense of safety and stability within yourself.

Here is my experience and how implementing the steps outlined above led to a positive outcome:

When I started acknowledging my trauma response and began to use the techniques I just shared, I noticed small but meaningful changes. Conversations became easier because I was more engaged rather than having to constantly take physical notes, ask for sentences to be repeated or constantly trying to recall what had just occurred and being embarrassed to have to ask for what I had somehow missed. I started to take notice of and appreciate small things I hadn’t had the capacity to take in before, like the warmth of the sun on my skin or the sound of someone’s slaughter.  Constantly practicing being present while using mindfulness techniques gave me the tools to stop living in the past or fearing the future and allowed me to instead embrace the present moment.

I began to be able to truly listen to others without zoning out or worrying about what to say next. For the first time in a long time, I felt deeply connected—to them and to myself. It was a powerful reminder that healing is possible, and being present is a gift you can give to yourself and others.

If this resonates with you, I encourage you to take these steps to begin breaking the cycle. Remember, you are not alone, and with time and effort, you can reclaim the present moment as a safe and meaningful place to be too.