Cycle Breaker and Change Maker | Introduction to the Fawn Response - the second "F" of the five "F"'s of Trauma Response

Episode 28: Understanding the Fawn Response to Trauma

Hello and welcome back to the podcast. If you’ve been following along, you know that we are diving deep into the Five F’s of Trauma Response. In the last episodes, we explored Fight, Flight, and Freeze—how they develop, how they show up in daily life, and what we can do to manage them. Today, we’re moving on to the fourth response: Fawn.

The fawn response is often overlooked because it disguises itself as kindness, helpfulness, and being accommodating. But beneath the surface, it’s a survival mechanism driven by fear. If you’ve ever struggled with setting boundaries, prioritized other people’s needs over your own, or felt like your worth was tied to how much you do for others, this episode is for you.

Let’s break down what the fawn response really is, how it manifests in daily life, and most importantly, how we can learn to shift out of it and reclaim our sense of self.

What is the Fawn Response?

The fawn response occurs when the brain perceives danger and determines that appeasing the threat is the safest way to survive. Instead of fighting, fleeing, or freezing, someone in a fawn state will prioritize keeping the peace—often at their own expense.

Fawning can develop in childhood, particularly in environments where expressing needs, opinions, or emotions led to conflict, neglect, or rejection. As adults, those with a dominant fawn response may find themselves in relationships or workplaces where they overextend themselves, suppress their true feelings, and struggle with self-worth.

Transcript

Episode 28: Understanding the Fawn Response to Trauma

Hello and welcome back to the podcast. If you’ve been following along, you know that we are diving deep into the Five F’s of Trauma Response. In the last episodes, we explored Fight, Flight, and Freeze—how they develop, how they show up in daily life, and what we can do to manage them. Today, we’re moving on to the fourth response: Fawn.

The fawn response is often overlooked because it disguises itself as kindness, helpfulness, and being accommodating. But beneath the surface, it’s a survival mechanism driven by fear. If you’ve ever struggled with setting boundaries, prioritized other people’s needs over your own, or felt like your worth was tied to how much you do for others, this episode is for you.

Let’s break down what the fawn response really is, how it manifests in daily life, and most importantly, how we can learn to shift out of it and reclaim our sense of self.

What is the Fawn Response?

The fawn response occurs when the brain perceives danger and determines that appeasing the threat is the safest way to survive. Instead of fighting, fleeing, or freezing, someone in a fawn state will prioritize keeping the peace—often at their own expense.

Fawning can develop in childhood, particularly in environments where expressing needs, opinions, or emotions led to conflict, neglect, or rejection. As adults, those with a dominant fawn response may find themselves in relationships or workplaces where they overextend themselves, suppress their true feelings, and struggle with self-worth.

How Does the Fawn Response Show Up in Everyday Life?

Fawning can manifest in many ways. Here are some common signs:

●       People-Pleasing: You go out of your way to make others happy, even if it means sacrificing your own needs.

●       Difficulty Setting Boundaries: Saying no feels impossible, and you often feel guilty when you do.

●       Over-Apologizing: You find yourself saying sorry excessively, even when you haven’t done anything wrong.

●       Fear of Conflict: You avoid confrontation at all costs, even if it means accepting mistreatment.

●       Losing Your Own Identity: You shape your personality around what others want from you, rather than being your true self.

Fawning can feel like being trapped in a cycle of trying to gain approval, but it often leaves people feeling drained, resentful, and disconnected from their own needs.

Why Does the Fawn Response Develop?

The fawn response often originates in environments where asserting oneself was not safe. Children who grew up with emotionally unavailable, critical, or abusive caregivers may have learned that being agreeable was the best way to avoid punishment or neglect.

In adulthood, this response can persist, making individuals feel like they have to earn love and acceptance by being selfless. Many fawners struggle with self-worth, believing that they must constantly prove their value through acts of service or compliance.

How Can We Manage the Fawn Response?

Healing from a dominant fawn response involves learning to recognize your own needs, set boundaries, and embrace your authentic self. Here are some steps to help manage and shift away from fawning:

Step 1: Awareness

The first step is recognizing when you are engaging in fawning behaviors. Notice when you feel the urge to agree, accommodate, or suppress your own needs for the sake of others.

Step 2: Validate Your Own Needs

Remind yourself that your needs, feelings, and opinions are just as important as anyone else’s. Journaling or self-reflection can help identify areas where you have been neglecting yourself.

Step 3: Practice Setting Boundaries

Start small. Instead of immediately saying yes to every request, practice pausing and checking in with yourself. If something doesn’t feel right, allow yourself to say no without over-explaining.

Step 4: Work on Self-Compassion

Many people with a dominant fawn response struggle with guilt when they start setting boundaries. Practicing self-compassion and affirming your right to take up space is key to breaking this cycle.

Step 5: Surround Yourself with Safe, Supportive People

It’s easier to move away from fawning when you have a support system that values your authenticity. Seek out relationships where you feel safe to express yourself without fear of rejection.

My Experience with the Fawn Response

For much of my life, I thought being agreeable and helpful was the way I should act. I prided myself on being someone people could rely on, someone who never caused conflict. But over time, I started to realize that I was constantly suppressing my own needs, opinions, and desires just to maintain peace.

I would apologize for things that weren’t my fault, overcommit to tasks I didn’t have time for, and feel responsible for other people’s emotions. It wasn’t until I learned about the fawn response that I realized I wasn’t just being nice—I was stuck in a survival pattern.

Learning to say no, setting boundaries, and validating my own needs was a difficult but necessary process. Over time, I found that the relationships and friendships that truly mattered didn’t fall apart when I stopped fawning—they actually became healthier and more balanced.

Final Thoughts

If today’s episode resonated with you, please know that you are not alone. The fawn response is a deeply ingrained survival mechanism, but with practice and self-awareness, you can learn to stand in your own truth without fear.

In our next episode, we’ll explore the Flop response—what it looks like, why it happens, and how to navigate it. If you found this episode helpful, please share it with someone who might benefit. And as always, thank you for being here, for listening, and for choosing to heal.