Cycle Breaker and Change Maker | Letting Go Without Guilt - Even When You Love Someone

Today’s episode is deeply personal and something I believe many of us quietly struggle with. We’re going to talk about letting go of relationships — without guilt — even if you love the person and even if society, culture, or your upbringing tells you that you shouldn’t.

Let me start by saying this: this is not an easy thing to do. In fact, it’s one of the hardest lessons I’ve had to learn and, honestly, continue to practice. We’re going to unpack why this feels so heavy, why it is so deeply ingrained in us to "stick it out," and most importantly, how to free yourself from this guilt so you can make choices that serve your well-being.

Transcript

Episode 32 Title: Letting Go Without Guilt — Even When You Love Them

Hello and welcome to this episode of the Cycle Breaker and Change Maker Podcast. I’m your host, Renata Ortega. Thank you so much for joining me today.

Today’s episode is deeply personal and something I believe many of us quietly struggle with. We’re going to talk about letting go of relationships — without guilt — even if you love the person and even if society, culture, or your upbringing tells you that you shouldn’t.

Let me start by saying this: this is not an easy thing to do. In fact, it’s one of the hardest lessons I’ve had to learn and, honestly, continue to practice. We’re going to unpack why this feels so heavy, why it is so deeply ingrained in us to "stick it out," and most importantly, how to free yourself from this guilt so you can make choices that serve your well-being.

So, why is this so hard?

We’re taught from a very young age that love conquers all. Movies, books, family beliefs — they all send us the message that if you love someone, you stay. Period.

Add to that the societal messages like:

• “But they’re family, you can’t cut them off!”
  
  
  
• “You’ve been friends since childhood, you owe them loyalty.”
  
  
  
• “No relationship is perfect; you have to compromise.”
  
  
  

And while these sayings sound reasonable on the surface, they become deeply harmful when we use them to justify staying in relationships that drain us, disrespect us, or keep us small.

For me personally, I spent years believing that enduring difficult relationships was a badge of honor. I wore my tolerance and patience like armor. I thought: If I just try harder, if I just love more, maybe things will change.

Spoiler: they didn’t.

The relationship I’m talking about today was with a very abusive primary caregiver. Someone who, by society’s standards and norms, I was expected to stay connected to. In fact, in the early stages of recognizing the harm, I was told over and over again by well-intentioned but very uninformed people that I should stay. That family is family. That I would regret cutting ties.

And I believed them — for a long time. I thought: Maybe they’re right. Maybe I’m being too harsh. Maybe I’m the problem for even considering stepping away.

It wasn’t until I started working with a trauma-informed psychiatrist and, most importantly, connecting with a community of trauma survivors that I realized something life-changing:
 I was not the rule.
 I was the exception for staying in such a harmful relationship for so long.

Hearing the words from professionals and people who truly understood trauma — “You’re allowed to walk away” — changed everything for me. It was then that I finally realized it was okay to end relationships, even with someone as significant as a primary caregiver.

How does this create a negative cycle?

When we stay in relationships that no longer serve us, especially out of guilt, we unintentionally teach ourselves and those around us that our needs are secondary. We internalize the belief that our peace is less important than others' comfort.

This cycle becomes even more dangerous when it mirrors what we saw growing up — maybe we witnessed caregivers stay in harmful relationships under the guise of duty or cultural expectation. Without realizing it, we start to normalize emotional exhaustion and confusion as part of "loving someone."

But let me tell you something very important:
 You can love someone deeply and still choose to let them go.
 Love does not require you to sacrifice your safety, your well-being, or your future.

Steps to Break the Cycle

If you are struggling with the weight of guilt around letting go of someone you love, try these steps:

Step 1: Write the reality list, not the wish list.
Write down what this relationship actually is — not what you hope it could be, not what it used to be, but what it is right now. Is it supportive? Do you feel seen, heard, respected? This helps remove the rose-colored glasses that guilt can place on us.

Step 2: Allow duality.
 It is possible to love someone and recognize they are not good for you. Both truths can exist. When I accepted this, I felt a profound shift. My love was real, but so was my need to protect my peace.

Step 3: Visualize freedom.
 Imagine your life without the constant weight of this relationship. What would you do with that reclaimed energy? Who could you become? Visualization is a powerful tool because it creates a mental blueprint for your future freedom.

Step 4: Prepare for grief — but also for relief.
 Ending a relationship, especially a meaningful one, will likely bring grief. Expect it. Feel it. But also expect relief to follow. It’s okay to feel both. Feeling relieved does not make you a bad person; it makes you human.

Step 5: Surround yourself with safe voices.
 Not everyone will understand your decision. Choose to share your process only with people who support your healing journey. Those who love you healthily will not pressure you to stay in pain for the sake of appearances.

My experience — and what happened when I let go

When I finally made the decision to step away from my abusive primary caregiver, I won’t lie to you — it was gut-wrenching. I felt like I was betraying every belief I had grown up with. I cried. I questioned myself relentlessly.

But once the initial storm of emotion passed, I noticed something: I could breathe again. I didn’t realize how much space that relationship had taken up in my mind and heart. With that space open, I was free to pour energy into relationships that uplifted me and into healing parts of myself I had neglected.

Working with a trauma-informed psychiatrist and my community of survivors helped me see clearly — I was not cruel for leaving. I was courageous for finally prioritizing my well-being.

This is what I want for you too.

Final Words of Encouragement

Before we close, I want to remind you of this:
 You are allowed to choose peace, even if others don’t understand your choice.
 You are allowed to release relationships that weigh you down, even if you love the person deeply.
 And you are allowed to heal, free of guilt.

Remember, letting go does not make you cruel — it makes you courageous.

Thank you for spending this time with me today. If this episode resonated with you, I encourage you to take one small action today. Maybe that’s journaling, maybe it’s talking to a safe friend, or maybe it’s simply allowing yourself to imagine a life beyond the relationship you’re struggling with.

You are not alone in this journey. I am walking beside you.

Until next time, take care of your heart and continue your beautiful work as a cycle breaker and change maker.