Escaping the Grip of Abandonment – A Deeper Dive and an expansion on Episode 3

Hello, and welcome back to the Cycle Breaker and Change Maker Podcast. I’m Renata Ortega, and if you’ve made it here today, I want you to take a moment to acknowledge your courage. Today’s topic is one that touches so many of us in ways that aren’t always obvious until we start to look inward. We’re diving deeper into a topic we began in Episode 3—abandonment.

This episode comes with a gentle caution—if abandonment is something you’ve experienced or are currently grappling with, please listen with care. Pause when you need to. Breathe deeply. You are in control.

Transcript

Episode 36 Title: Escaping the Grip of Abandonment – A Deeper Dive

Hello, and welcome back to the Cycle Breaker and Change Maker Podcast. I’m Renata Ortega, and if you’ve made it here today, I want you to take a moment to acknowledge your courage. Today’s topic is one that touches so many of us in ways that aren’t always obvious until we start to look inward. We’re diving deeper into a topic we began in Episode 3—abandonment.

This episode comes with a gentle caution—if abandonment is something you’ve experienced or are currently grappling with, please listen with care. Pause when you need to. Breathe deeply. You are in control.

What Is the Deeper Impact of Abandonment?

We’ve already talked about how abandonment isn’t just about being physically left alone—it’s also about being emotionally deserted, unseen, or consistently unsupported. But today, I want to dive into something that took me years to realize:

Abandonment isn’t always a one-time event—it’s often a pattern. And what’s more? That pattern can become a script we unconsciously live out again and again.

When a person has experienced abandonment—especially in childhood—it’s not just the event itself that wounds us. It’s the internal story we start to tell ourselves as a result:

●       “I’m not worth staying for.”
 
 

●       “People leave me.”
 
 

●       “I need to prove my value to be loved.”
 
 

●       “If I open up, they’ll walk away.”
 
 

Those thoughts can shape everything—how we form relationships, how we ask for help (or don’t), how we view love, friendship, work, and our own identity.

My Experience: The Story Beneath the Story

In Episode 2, I shared how I was repeatedly left in unsafe environments as a child. What I didn’t share then is how long that story stayed stuck inside me—even when my outside world began to look “okay.”

I could be in a room full of people and still feel completely abandoned.

There was one moment, long after I had done years of therapy and self-reflection, that truly broke through this illusion. I had a friend I trusted deeply. We had plans to meet, and she canceled—totally reasonably—but something about that cancellation sent me into a spiral. My heart raced, my thoughts spiraled, and I felt like I was six years old again, sitting in a dark room alone, afraid and forgotten.

That’s when I knew: I wasn’t reacting to the present—I was reacting to my past.

How the Cycle of Abandonment Persists

Here’s the really tough truth: people who fear abandonment often abandon themselves first. We disconnect from our needs. We silence our inner voice. We stay in harmful relationships because we’re terrified of being alone. We may even become the ones who leave preemptively, convincing ourselves it’s better to walk away first than risk someone else doing it.

The cycle becomes:

●       Feeling unsafe → Seeking validation → Losing ourselves → Feeling abandoned again.
 

Signs You Might Be in an Abandonment Cycle

Let’s go even deeper into the signs:

●       You feel anxious when someone doesn’t text you back right away.
 
 

●       You avoid deep emotional intimacy out of fear it won’t last.
 
 

●       You stay in relationships that are clearly unhealthy just to avoid being alone.
 
 

●       You seek out emotionally unavailable people.
 
 

●       You experience intense grief or panic at minor disconnections.
 
 

If any of this resonates with you, it’s not a flaw in you. It’s a response to something very real that happened. And it can be healed.

How Do You Begin to Break Free?

Let’s walk through some deep work together.

Step 1: Reconnect with Your Inner Abandoned Self

Picture the younger version of you—the one who felt left behind, not chosen, not enough. Close your eyes and imagine sitting beside them. What do they need to hear from you? Can you tell them:

“You didn’t deserve that. I see you. I won’t leave you.”

This may sound small—but inner child healing begins when we acknowledge what happened and stop minimizing it.

Step 2: Begin to Practice Emotional Safety

When we’ve been abandoned, the idea of emotional closeness can feel dangerous. But healing happens in safe connection.

Ask yourself:

●       Who in your life feels emotionally safe?
 
 

●       What boundaries help you feel safe?
 
 

●       How can you be emotionally present for yourself?
 
 

Even learning to say, “I’m feeling scared right now, and I’m not sure why,” is a powerful reclaiming of your emotional world.

Step 3: Track the Pattern

Start to notice when abandonment stories show up. Is it when you’re ignored? When someone doesn’t validate your feelings? When you’re left out?

When those feelings arise, try saying:

“This is an old fear. I’ve survived it before. I’m safe in this moment.”

You might be surprised at how much power you start to regain when you name the fear out loud.

Step 4: Choose Belonging Over Pleasing

You do not have to earn your place in someone’s life. If you’re constantly pleasing others just to stay in their orbit, that’s not love—that’s fear in disguise.

Belonging means being accepted as you are. You deserve that. And if someone cannot offer it, their presence isn’t a gift—it’s a liability to your healing.

My Outcome: Peace Over Panic

Today, I no longer panic when a friend cancels plans. I don’t spiral when I’m alone. That doesn’t mean I never feel those familiar pangs—but now, I know what to do with them.

I anchor into my truth: I am no longer that abandoned little girl.

I’ve built a life full of people who stay. But more importantly? I stay. I stay with me.

A Closing Note

If you’re feeling raw after this episode, that’s okay. It means you’re beginning to loosen the grip of a story that doesn’t belong to you.

You were never meant to live in fear of being left.

You were meant to love, to be loved, and to belong—starting with yourself.

If you need a reminder, come back to this episode as many times as you need. You are not alone, and you are not unlovable.

You are a cycle breaker, and that starts with staying—with yourself.

Until next time, take care of your beautiful, brave self.