Letting Go Without Guilt – The Deep Work of Releasing What We’ve Outgrown

In Episode 4, I introduced the idea of letting go—specifically, letting go of relationships that are no longer healthy or aligned. Today, we’re diving deeper.

Letting go isn’t a one-time action. It’s a process, a practice, and for many of us—a profound act of self-liberation.

And if the mere thought of letting go of someone brings up guilt, fear, or anxiety—you are not alone. That’s exactly what we’re going to talk about today.

Transcript

Episode 37 Title: Letting Go Without Guilt – The Deep Work of Releasing What We’ve Outgrown

Hello and welcome back to The Cycle Breaker and Change Maker Podcast. I’m your host, Renata Ortega, and today we are going to have a heart-to-heart—one that may be long overdue.

In Episode 4, I introduced the idea of letting go—specifically, letting go of relationships that are no longer healthy or aligned. Today, we’re diving deeper.

Letting go isn’t a one-time action. It’s a process, a practice, and for many of us—a profound act of self-liberation.

And if the mere thought of letting go of someone brings up guilt, fear, or anxiety—you are not alone. That’s exactly what we’re going to talk about today.

The Myth of “Forever” and the Pressure to Hold On

From the time we’re young, we are sold a dangerous myth: that real love lasts forever, that loyalty means enduring anything, and that walking away is a sign of weakness or failure.

But here’s what I want you to know:

You can love someone and still need to let them go.
 You can honor your past and still choose your future.
 You can grieve and grow at the same time.

Letting go is not abandoning—it’s choosing truth. And truth is a core part of healing.

The Real Cost of Holding On

Holding on to relationships—whether romantic, familial, or friendships—that consistently harm you has a cost. It drains your time, your energy, your self-worth. It keeps you tethered to a version of yourself that no longer fits.

I want you to ask yourself something right now:

●       Is this relationship expanding me or exhausting me?
 
 

●       Am I holding on out of love, or out of fear?
 
 

●       Do I feel more myself with this person, or without them?
 
 

These aren’t questions we’re often taught to ask—but they are essential.

My Deeper Story

In Episode 4, I shared how I was applauded for being patient, tolerant, and loyal. Society praised me for staying in relationships that were, in truth, destroying me from the inside out.

But here’s what I didn’t share then:

One of the hardest and longest relationships I held onto—because I was terrified of what it meant to let it go—was with a primary caregiver. This person was supposed to protect me, to nurture me. But instead, what I received was manipulation, volatility, abuse, and deep psychological harm.

And still—I stayed.

I stayed because I was told I owed them something. I stayed because culture, religion, and society reinforced that “family is everything,” no matter what. I stayed because I believed the guilt and shame I carried meant I had to stay.

Even as an adult, when I had choices, I still felt like that little girl who was afraid of doing something wrong, afraid of upsetting them, afraid that I would be the one to blame if I left.

But what I now know is that staying in a relationship where you are constantly shrinking, constantly managing someone else’s dysfunction, is not love. It is survival.

It wasn’t until I began working with a trauma-informed psychiatrist and connected with other survivors who had lived through similar experiences that I realized—I was the exception, not the rule, in trying to maintain this relationship. I began to see that staying was not noble. It was painful. And staying was costing me my peace, my healing, and my future.

Letting go of that relationship—of my caregiver—was one of the most emotionally gut-wrenching decisions I’ve ever made.

But it was also one of the most self-honoring ones.

Why Letting Go Feels So Hard

Letting go triggers our core fears: abandonment, rejection, loneliness, and failure. And for those of us who’ve experienced trauma, it can feel like reliving old wounds all over again.

You might think:

●       “But they weren’t always like this.”
 
 

●       “What if I never find another friend/partner like them?”
 
 

●       “Am I being too sensitive?”
 
 

●       “What will people think?”
 
 

Let me say this with love:
  You are not too sensitive—you are finally listening to your body and your intuition.
  You are not giving up—you are choosing your peace.
  And you are not alone—you are reclaiming your self-respect.

The Deep Work of Letting Go – Step by Step

Let’s go deeper into the how. Because it’s one thing to know we need to let go—it’s another to do it.

Step 1: Write Your Truth

Before you take any action, write down what is no longer serving you in the relationship. Be brutally honest.

Ask:

●       What patterns do I see?
 
 

●       How do I feel after interactions with this person?
 
 

●       Have I communicated my needs and boundaries—and were they respected?
 
 

You may start to see clearly what your heart already knows.

Step 2: Get Honest About Fear

Name your fears out loud. What are you afraid will happen if you let this relationship go?

Will you be judged? Alone? Miss them? Regret it?

Bringing your fears into the light takes away their power. Fear thrives in silence—truth thrives in clarity.

Step 3: Test Boundaries

You don’t have to end a relationship overnight. Start by putting space between you and the person. Notice how you feel when you’re not constantly engaging with them.

Do you feel lighter? More grounded? Sad but clear?

That’s information. Trust it.

Step 4: Enlist a Safe Support System

Let someone safe know what you’re doing and why. A friend, a therapist, a mentor. You don’t have to do this alone.

Sometimes just having one person say, “I see you. I get it. I’m here,” is enough to help you keep going when the grief hits.

Step 5: Prepare for Grief and Release

Letting go is a grieving process, even if the relationship was harmful.

You may miss them. You may cry. You may question yourself. That doesn’t mean you made the wrong choice.

Give yourself permission to mourn what could’ve been—and also to celebrate what will be now that you’re choosing you.

What Letting Go Gave Me

I’ll be honest: the first time I fully walked away from a toxic relationship, I thought I’d fall apart.

But instead, something unexpected happened.

I felt...still.

Then I felt relief.

And eventually, I felt free.

Letting go gave me back my voice. It gave me back my boundaries. It gave me back my laughter, my rest, my self-worth.

And maybe most importantly—it gave me back my time. Time I had been spending trying to fix what was never mine to fix.

A Gentle Reminder

If you are in a relationship that leaves you anxious, confused, drained, or unsafe—you are not imagining it. You are not asking for too much.

You are waking up to the fact that your peace is not negotiable.

Letting go may be one of the hardest things you ever do—but it will also be one of the most loving.

Letting go doesn’t mean you don’t care. It means you care about yourself enough to stop bleeding for someone who keeps cutting you.

Until Next Time

Take this as your permission slip—if no one ever gave you one before.

You are allowed to let go.
  You are allowed to grow beyond what once held you.
  You are allowed to choose peace over pretending.

And you don’t have to do it alone. I’m walking this journey with you.

Until next time, be kind to yourself and remember—you are a cycle breaker, and that includes the cycle of staying where your spirit is not safe.