Lost Girls Guide to Grief, Delusion, and Subconscious Growth

This week, I sat down with Gabby and Laurel, the magical duo behind Lost Girls, to talk about their journeys, their friendship, and how they’re turning trauma into triumph. From childhood grief and religious deconstruction to building a life and business rooted in creativity and connection, these two share it all—unfiltered and raw.

We dive into:
✨ The unexpected magic of manifestation (and how Gabby literally manifested her husband).
✨ What it really means to heal through play and creativity.
✨ Surviving loss, setting boundaries, and the power of showing up for yourself.
✨ Why friendships deserve just as much care and accountability as romantic relationships.

This episode is equal parts heart-wrenching, hilarious, and healing—think bagels, channeling sessions, and a sprinkle of Harry Potter delusion. The Lost Girls are here to remind you that life doesn’t have to be so serious, and that healing can (and should) be fun.

@vulnerabilityiscool
@jennajarvisjarvis
vulnerabilityiscool.com

Thank you for listening, ily
xoxo

Transcript

okay welcome back to the Vulnerability is Cool podcast I am so excited for today's guests we have Gabby and Laurel from Lost Girls and they're so amazing and I was telling them that I found them through a mutual friend and then I've been seeing all the secret lives and Mormon wives post about you guys and I've been following you for a while and I just wanted to have you on the Pod to Yap talk about all the cool things you're doing I feel like we're very aligned in like our missions and so yeah let's just get a little bit into it well actually before we start I want to take a deep breath with you guys and then also with our guest okay we're going to take two deep breaths okay so we're going to close our eyes take a deep breath in and breathe out another deep breath in and breathe out beautiful okay I actually wanted to start with one question I just remembered so I just want to know what you guys are like most passionate about right now like are you fixated on anything I just threw that at them I didn't you fixated on oh gosh candles that's for me I've been like obsessed with candle s lately that's amazing yeah I'm a smell girl what's your favorite right now I just got well okay so what I'm going to say it wrong like Forest fur or something like that it's like a Christmasy one but correctly is that right yeah yeah it's my new favorite scent it's amazing it's my obsession I've been obsessed with Bagels oh this is like actually the epitome of our friendship candles and bagels you are not expecting that and I know it perfect and cream cheese plain bagel plain cream cheese you want to glimpse into our Marco polos it's this don't give me strawberry cream cheese just PL okay I love it is there like a certain place you go or you just make them at home um my friends been making me like homemade ones and I love them Who the hell's been making you homemade s has shout out Sadie Gunter why am I not getting Bagels I'm more special that's the tea right there yeah I'm I'm going to text her after this right now okay well I love that thank you for sharing I want to dive into like both of you and kind of your stories and what led you to Lost Girls and what you're doing today and what I do know first thing is that you guys met in fifth grade well I feel like our story is like so layered but I guess I'll kind of go into childhood experience a little bit cuz it kind of goes into bonded and all of that so when I was seven my mom passed away from cancer and so that was obviously horrible and not fun and did you know it was going to happen or was it like kind of a surprise um she was really sick like her whole life kind of like she had like three different types of cancer and she died from ovarian like do you always remember her being sick um there's a few memories I don't but a lot of it was her being sick and me like laying in bed with her and like watching seventh heaven and Oprah you know just like kind of like just in bed reading like there wasn't really a lot of like activity and so yeah I yeah then that was really really bad I um kind of shut off after that I think on like a subconscious level think as a kid you know especially your mom it's like where the freak did you go you know like what's happening um and then like 6 months after that I got into a really horrible car accident and almost died and so that was all in like second grade and so second grade was wild I had to like wear an eye patch around after cuz I saw double soad it was literally the worst thing oh like it was so bad and my poor class like they were like what the freak is going on like you know what I mean like she her mom just died and then she almost died and I had to get like a shunt put in my head to save my life at that age um so just physical trauma emotional trauma whatever there was a big thing for me um my dad got married really fast after that um I think he was married by the time I got into my car accident wow yeah oh crap um that's like a rough timeline but anyways so he got remarried I got two new sisters the sister um Kenny that knows girl um and which was great but my stepmom was not so great like she was pretty bad um and pretty emotionally abusive like my whole childhood like in teenagers and stuff did you know her before yes oh okay so she was my mom's really good friend oh okay of course a really really good friend and good friend I don't know you know what I mean it's like I have no idea um and so yeah that was pretty ing it kind of just like you know and at the time it was like oh this is cool this is like you know I'm getting two sisters that have always kind of been my sister and um this lady that's always been around like you know it just felt like comfortable as a child you know totally um and like you didn't know anything and I said I just want to be loved and that's all kids really need you know and that's all I wanted and I got a some sort of love you know I got an aspect of it um how many siblings do you have like full siblings I full siblings I have one okay I have nine total so I have like half in Step um but only one biological and he's like 6 years younger than me um yeah that's a whole other story with him but anyways so four years go by and my dad it was like conference weekend they come back he was like sick for a few months like just like tired they thought he had had Mono you know they tested him for all this stuff and um he they came back and they're like he has leukemia and that was when I was 12 and so like four years later and as a kid this is where it's like so my mom dies and it's you're really young right like so it's kind of like you just kind of adapt oh yeah and then it was funny I was reading through my journals the other day I was really good at journaling at that age and it was funny seeing grief at that age being portrayed because even then I was kind of like in denial and because cuz I would write in my journal every day and I didn't write about my mom dying until like 2 months later a like I literally was like yeah BT no I didn't that's literally what it was it was like oh man cuz my mom's favorite holiday is Halloween her birthday's in October so that in just a huge deal to her was like head of the PTA at my elementary school like did this whole Halloween Carnival so that comes around and I'm like Oh my mom died like I like wrote I'm like oh like by the way Journal you know dear Journal my mom died a month ago or whatever and it was like what like it's like you know you just kind of do that and even as a kid even though it feels different and emotions are different you know it's like you're still dealing with [ __ ] yeah um and you're processing in different ways and so I I'm very passionate about that as well kids and experiencing grief and Trauma and how to recognize that and not just think like oh they're fine they're laughing they're whatever doesn't matter yeah like there's so much stuff going under on under the surface but yeah anyway so sorry went back and forth there but then my dad so he got diagnosed cancer he yeah he told us and I remember thinking like there's no way that God takes my dad there's no freaking way like that doesn't exist you know um I didn't even know any of my friends that one of their parents died yeah and I was like were you closer with your mom or dad before um I was closer with my mom I was closer with my mom um my dad was a workaholic very like um Not absent but also avoiding a lot of his stuff you know and when when he got married so fast like did did they like have a lot of issues in their marriage because like they kind of just jumped in so fast did you feel it was a whole there's a whole story that's been portrayed to me that's like my mom told them to get married which I think was a lie and because I I've heard from other people since then that like that wasn't true and they possibly could have been having an affair before like it was a lot of stuff yeah and so I just recently unraveled all of this in the last few years so yeah I think my dad and I and I have a deep love for my dad especially now like being able to feel like connected to him on the other side but so he did pass yeah oh my so he yeah so sorry to skip the story um he was sick for 2 months I didn't see him again after he they came and told us that he was sick at the house and so they just left went to the hospital we weren't allowed to go see him because he was like sick and they didn't want him to like get more sick it just really weird the whole situation was handled horribly um and I blame my stepmom for a lot of that like it was like you took everything from me and you didn't even think about his daughter that just lost her mom that now is you know it was a it was a lot of stuff but um yeah he died December 2nd so conference weekend in October to December 2nd it was very quick and very shocking did you get to see him before did you say mm no so you didn't even get to say goodbye no oh my gosh that's so sad wait how old are you now uh 29 no no no sorry in this story 12 okay yeah oh my gosh yeah so I was older it was more like in my face you know at that age you're like who am I what do I like you know and I love to like dance I love to play soccer then um wait sorry and sorry I'm sure you're going to get to this but then you're just forced to be with your stepmom now yeah so yeah it was just like my dad's family like tried to fight for custody and all this stuff and to me as a kid I'm like you can't take me away from my sisters because I love my sisters I love them yeah um they helped me survive most of that and I love them and so oh man I could go into so much about about her my stepmom she's like a huge chunk of my trauma which is interesting cuz it's like my parents died but she's like a huge effect yeah you know well especially cuz that's like you're processing that with her so with both with your mom's death and your dad's death so yep and so I'm like hearing these lies I'm hearing these things it's like whatever um but what was I talking about oh I don't know I'm just listening um but yeah after yeah oh oh so then my family was trying to fight for custody and I was like no I want to stay with them because I did not want to leave do you like your dad's family saw how she was okay everyone so they were like please everyone and their dog did around it my mom's friends my dad's family no one was supportive of it like no everyone saw right through it and my dad was like a really like like a well-known person in the community like very successful in his business um and I think everyone was like what's happening like how can like such a smart man choose this and yeah it was horrible honestly do you think he didn't really know um I think she's really manipul like she's very manipulative and again dealing with his own stuff you know like he had his own stuff from his childhood he didn't work through totally it just was showing up probably never even tapped into it at all touch it didn't touch it and so he just was like whatever doing whatever he could you know to survive and whatnot so and I have Grace for him with that but it just was a really insane time you know and I think dealing with that honestly I don't think yeah even like I I think as a kid it's like I I just processed everything through playing with my friends like that's all I did I survived with my friends would you talk about it at all um like either parent really with people like did your friends really know what happened and like it's a great question for you did I talk about it no you were so avoidant yeah she was just in survival like she'd be like hey my parents are dead oh my God and it was like uhuh okay none of us knew what to do yeah yeah yeah it's a weird thing and also with my stepmom it was all about her there was not room for people there wasn't room so she's a narcissist yeah essentially and so it was like she it was like this is my grief my husband died there was no validation for me no room for me my poor heart just aches for little you like that is so sad yeah it was um yeah it wasn't wasn't fun um yeah it was was pretty bad and it like yeah she's she she's caused just a lot of it for me like a a lot of my trauma interestingly enough um I actually talked to her this summer for the first time I I like cut her off when I was like 24 and I talked to her this summer and she I got to say everything that I wanted to and that's really all I needed because I feel like she took away my power for so long oh yeah I was parented with guilt and shame like there was so many times where it was like well your parents are disappointed in you because I got a tattoo or I did this and I was like how dare you like use my parents against me you're like they would never feel the way that you're saying no and I'm like logically lady you don't know that yeah like you have no idea but she didn't know how to parent because she also didn't deal with her own stuff so it's like you don't know how to emotionally be there for a kid anyways yeah it was it was pretty bad but yeah I just think I played I played to deal with my grief and I tried to yeah I avoided I didn't I I really relationships was a really big thing that I I was boy crazy oh I'm sure Bo trying to feel that void yes sixth grade my dad died two years later got my first boyfriend and was like oh my gosh I feel loved MH and then it was like but I was so obsessed with him because it was like you don't really know what's going on and so I discourage dating Young

um but yeah so yeah I think that's that's kind of like my that was long sorry cut no perfect it's like totally fine we love it but yeah so fifth grade like that was that was right before my dad died and Gabby and I we were in different classes right mhm and we weren't like super close in fifth grade we just kind of like I don't remember fifth grade so were you in Mrs washburn's class yeah wow yeah what can I say you remember fifth grade I remember more sixth grade with us okay yeah sixth grade Gabby and I were in the same class yeah and that was when my dad died in sixth grade and so I don't remember a lot of sixth grade but yeah we just Gabby has memories of my dad's fanal yeah wow I said holy crap um yeah I just remember like I remember sitting at lunch it was elementary school and I was opening my literally I was opening my chocolate milk and Maddie and Kenny and Laura were sitting in front of me sisters those sisters and I was like why aren't you guys eating and they're like we're fasting because like our Dad's sick and I was like that sucks like I I ate in front of you like that's literally all I remember I was like that sucks drinking my chocolate milk like la la la and then I remember your dad died and I remember being in the backseat going to the funeral and I was asking my mom questions about are we going to see the body like I just was scared that's funny I mean kids in death it's like you don't like it's so crazy it's so confusing for us like start 10 I was like yeah I I just remember not really knowing what to do and that was like the extent of our friendship until my mom died and then I said oh oops so yeah it was it was really crazy watching her go through that but she did a good job like in the sense of like she kind of only had herself and I mean you had a good group of friends like we all loved you so much but we didn't really know what to do you know what I mean none of us had lost someone and so it was kind of just like if she wanted to talk about it we'd listen but if she didn't we just didn't so and yeah I feel like people don't understand that you actually do want to talk about that person you know like it's I feel like until you lose someone you really don't you lose someone you're just like don't know what to do I don't know what to do had you like never done like did you like ever turn to substances during like any of this time no no that's good so no I didn't you turned to boys I turned to Boys in religion in religion oh of course yeah um also I went to therapy one time after my dad died and my stepmom is the one that took me and she told me that the therapist said that I didn't need therapy and then I just needed to be loved and that was it it I didn't get to be loved there were so many times in high school did F me me say we literally were like in the car in After High School and she was like it's Tana oh don't include her name okay um my stepmom was like with Gabby in the car being like it's so much harder to love like not your biological kids with me and her and she didn't even realize it and multiple times that happened but she she didn't realize it or know La was sitting right there and like she was just like it's hard like it it's just easier to love your kids that are biological that than those that aren't and I was like Mak want to cry uh she's right there and like narcissistic abuse is so crazy like it is so crazy especially for a child because you don't understand and then they make every problem is on you like they do absolutely nothing wrong they're perfect like they never admit to being wrong like mother narcissistic abuse is a different ball game yeah oh yeah totally it's horrible I'm so sorry I just can't even imagine like little you honestly I'm surprised you're at where you're at today like shocked with all of this that's so insane thanks yeah yeah it's um I always I like people like this that I guess were raised in the church like I'm grateful in a sense that we weren't like raised without religion because I think in my situation I don't know if you can agree like I think I would have turned to substance you know yeah and and yeah and that's what I say all the time when I talk about the church is that like that it gave me structure to survive yeah no matter how either it was bad or good or whatever it gave me structure and and I appreciate that yeah totally getting out of the house I got to go on a mission and I just got to leave you know so I mean the second I got back it all everything went to [ __ ] like literally at the airport it was horrible but it just for a second I got like the time to you know go away and to you know be by myself and find myself and um I am I'm grateful for the church in that way and I'll always say that like it's like it gave me that and I'm very grateful for it so for that period yeah totally so you guys met in fifth grade but where were you at in your life what was going on over here we were talking before how Laurel and KN had to work through like trauma bonding stuff because we both kind of had a lot of childhood trauma just different childhood trauma I was sexually abused my entire entire childhood into like my teenage years and so I was just disassociated like completely out of my body I was in like La La Land so do you remember a point when you realized like what was going on yeah I was probably now in hindsight I realized that it was when I was 16 I tried to take my life and so and laa was there again we had a lot of trauma fun and uh I'm the one that told your mom I was like she did something yeah my mom yeah yeah it's like Dana I don't know Dana looked eyes yeah and she wouldn't so my mom like wouldn't wait really quick your what's your mom's name Dana and your stepmom T oh yeah yeah no my mom my mom's awesome she she's we love your mom yeah she was great um but there was like a level of like there's like a lot of layers and like one day I'll be able to share my story with the full truth it's just like there's a timing around it I just don't want your podcast to be sent aase and assist so I'm not allowed to talk about the details right now um but that's happened before that's why oh wow um so you won't mention names or anything yeah I won't mention names but definitely like Teenage I think is when I realized oh this is like sexual abuse cuz like when you're a kid you don't know and like you just think it's normal and so once I was like older and I like started realizing what was going on I was like oh this is like bad and so that just like sent me in like a really worthless spiral and yeah when I was no I was 17 I wasn't 16 I was 17 I tried to take my life I kind of had like a I don't know like it just was a huge pivot in my life that I realized I did want to stay alive and I wanted to help people um who had like been through what I'd gone through but like even looking back I don't know how I had the awareness at 17 to know that like right now I wouldn't be able to heal from what had happened but one day I would and so I just needed to like stay alive so I just like fell in love with traveling and I did humanitarian work for years it was like my bread and butter like I loved it so much and then my mom died at 21 and uh that's when I realized like oh sorry Laurel I like wasn't that good of a friend like you know what I mean you didn't know until someone dies oh yeah you don't know until you know no I didn't know and so when my mom died I was like oh my gosh crap and so wait I have a question just backtracking a little so with the sexual abuse so when you started like dating in high school did you like kind of C that way too or were you like the opposite I did not cuz it has like either one effect the other I've heard you yeah no mine was very much like I only read books and I watched One Tree Hill did you tell anyone what was going on I tried I actually tried to tell Bishop which is like you know kind of the programming of growing up in religion and didn't work out in my favor and then when I was 22 I told six Bishops also didn't work out in my favor um it was like pretty it was handled pretty poorly which is like in like again like my relationship with religion is that when I was 8 years old I knew to my core I didn't I didn't Vibe with religion wow cannot relate like literally I know and most people are like and so like that that's one thing I feel no I feel very grateful out of all the trauma I didn't really have the religion in that sense because what about God I was always like a god person and I never really cared on what that meant I've like I think that was the gift I always say like our struggles are medicine and there was so much obviously child sexual abuse is horrible and but if there's something that I'm like you know I'm I try to find the honey and everything cuz that's just like how I move forward and have perspective in life and so the honey I guess was just like I was so disassociated and delusional that I wasn't really into the religion thing like I barely went to church I I served a mission that was the only time I went to church every week and so there was a level of like God was just like my world like I just got to make up what my beliefs were I think growing up because like I uh and we'll talk about like the channeling thing I'm sure but like dead people were it was more familiar to me than like alive people like I was very just whatever the other side is I just felt it every day from a young age from a very young age yeah so like I had all my friends and I always felt safe like it wasn't a scary thing to me and like I just had this whole world that I was familiar with so that when the abuse was going on I was in my world so I was I felt very safe I felt was delusional as crap but like it you safe it kept me safe and so as far as like religion I wasn't ever like too in it I was kind of just like I remember having this awareness at 8 or 9 that I was like one day I'll be able to not do this but I'm a kid so I'm going to have to do this for a while but by the time I was old enough to make my own choice it was pretty nice I never got too strict with my belief systems and I just knew that God was like love did it did you tell any anyone about this like did it bug anyone in your life that you felt this way uh I mean not really I didn't really care like I just don't even like I remember having a friend great like in high school we had one friend that wasn't Mormon and I just remember telling her like that's fine like and all you know our other friends were like no this is like like I remember at a very young age getting in a fight with my family that like if you were gay you could get married in the temple and they were like no you can't and I was like yeah you can come on chill out like I remember just being like everyone chill like if this is true you can like relax so I've always kind of been that way so maybe that annoyed people but I didn't notice I don't care but I also was just like I was so traumatized that I don't think I was even having those kinds of conversations um you weren't yeah like I'm like I don't even remember I just remember being like laxed and I just remember telling people like God is love like who cares and then obviously I served a mission and that's when I was like am I supposed to like have strict beliefs you served a mission yeah exactly no exactly I wait where did you both go went Cincinnati Ohio my brother went there yeah and I went to Ecuador so it was Spanish speaking so I didn't know what's going on wow so there was also an aspect of I was also disassociated I also served Spanish like served my mission Spanish speaking and you had to teach the gospel in such simple terms like I think if I would have gone English State Side so hard for me like all props to you because like teaching Spanish like everyone that I taught at like didn't even have an education like I was literally teaching them the bare minimum like the basics of Basics and so I feel like for me it was like I never even like went that deep you know I didn't either I didn't I thought the law of Chastity was like you choose like I literally didn't teach it like I I'm telling you like when people are like how was it like you're not in the church I'm like I don't know if you can say that I was in it I didn't know what was going on so by the time I was kind of like leaving it it was for me the hardest part was more like Community but at the end and I I still feel like I'm super loose with my beliefs which probably is annoying to people but I also like am super happy if people are Mormon and I'm super happy if they're Jewish and I just am like I don't really care to be honest so I don't know so I guess the gift of the traum was that I just am very loose and very just like happy for whatever people want to believe but that was kind of like my struggles or your medicine and it's kind of led me to my career so I feel like I look back at the trauma and it's like obviously it's like layers like sexual abuse is every bit of traumatizing like it really messes with you in so many layers was it happening to anyone else in your family too I don't know okay like I can only speak for myself so I don't really know and like I didn't talk about it so I like tried but it's like it's so you don't really know what's going on either so you don't even know how to ask for help yeah um and then you I was also sexually abused and I feel like you almost you feel guilty too like you I don't know felt that did I make this happen what's going on yeah no for sure like it's it's for sure been like a whole thing but it led me to my career and what I love to do every day now so in a way it's like I can look back at it and like it's not okay obviously and you know there's still so many layers with the like the person who abused me but I I feel like I'm at a place now where I just am moving forward in my life and if layers come up that's great I have the tools and I would love to just share those tools with people but I don't know like I I just feel like I'm really grateful for not I don't know being a little bit disassociated as a kid because more than anything it was healing the beliefs yeah than the actual trauma cuz I don't remember a ton which is a gift I think yeah so yeah yeah so when did you guys both like leave the church at the same time no I did before you yeah I mean what was I was I even in the church I didn't go so I know that's what I don't know what I was so you served a full mission I served a full mission that was the only time I ever went to church every week her family like is bloodline is like heby Kimble yeah okay and so I think it was more of like and maybe I'm wrong no mine was a little culty it was more like a little Cy there was more little like I thought we were the chosen ones so was it really the religion piece the family line yeah we had our own thing going on you were like I'm on my way I might be the prophet I don't care dude I was like here we go that makes a lot of sense yeah yeah I delusion yeah that's actually what I unraveled was the delusion it wasn't the church itself so something okay I had this thought like I was talking to my friend the other day about this that like I'm actually grateful that like I grow up feeling like I was a chosen one like I'm grateful that like the dulu started so young because I still have that I'm still like I am highly favorite of the I literally Harry Potter syndrome like I think it's Harry Potter syndrome where we're all just like am I better than ever literally yeah it's so funny yeah it's funny to laugh at now no it is no that was like that that got me through a lot of my stuff too cuz it was like this all happened for a reason

View and like Noe I'm holy and righteous and that's where I'm going to get my love and that's where I'm going to get my attention so yeah leaving the CH church was weird for me but it all kind of like it almost felt like I was riding a bike with training wheels that's what it felt like my whole life I was riding a bike with training wheels and then when I decided to leave I just like took them off and it really wasn't that like wasn't that bad either it was weird like it was a weird I think that's cuz the TR like I don't know why cuz I I do hear people's stories and I have so much compassion and it's really hard maybe it's yeah of course like there's a lot of religion deconstruction and stuff will come up and I'm like [ __ ] Church like whatever I freak out and whatever but all in all it was like a really easy just like leave but it might be because it was all trauma induced and it was more of like a survival thing than anything yeah mhm I don't know mine was just like once my mom died I was like okay I don't have to go anymore which sounds horrible but I'm serious my mom was like super I would have broken her heart like I would have oh my gosh I can't even imagine maybe I wouldn't have left the church with my parents real life like I don't know you know maybe that cuz that's a lot of the reasons why for me it was my mom 100% it was my mom yeah so no I think it was when I was down with my stepmom telling me that I was a horrible person for making decisions and I was like you're done oh yeah also I'm done with the church I think it went hand in hand wow you're just like releasing all of it y see you later yeah and that was in like I think it was 2020 or 2019 I was just like n nah not anymore I don't think the church wanted me to be honest like knowing who I am the church is like actually we'd like you to leave like we don't want you here you are weird something that's really weird to me like when I was leaving um was so hard for me to process is that like I was able to go over the pulpit my whole life and like share what I love and what I believe but now we do that iszy you know because it's not what they want to hear even it's our truth and like I would to do that like not in the Mormon church but like I mean we all do that now but like it's crazy that like I loved doing that and everyone praised me for doing that bury my testimony but now they'd be like whoa get her off the pulpit like what is she doing you know it's interesting religion is super super interesting yeah and doesn't fit their narrative but now look you have your own podcast like you're doing it preaching to the choir now yeah safe for everyone everywhere is different places yeah so okay and then how did you guys get into like your business and everything like where how did that even start oh my gosh just talking are we missing anything no no we just we started so like this is our second thing we've done we did Kaa after after her mom died what is it is it a grief program for kids a camp yeah we did it heard about that you guys started that and did the camp and it's done we quit yeah we did you like sell it like is it still going no we had there there's like there's some counselors that kind of are continuing it but Laura and I just we realized like that's not our passion and wait this is so funny because you're were talking about how passionate you are about like kids with grief and I was going to be like did you hear about that company no that was us that was us wait guys that is so impressive so it was

great I really wanted to go no we loved it for the time that it existed beautiful how long did you do it four years years years yeah four years and we just were so it was it goes back to the delusional thing very delusional we're just like we're going to start a grave camp and then we just like did it and raised like 15 grand in our first year oh we were insane we just like we'll just decide things the audacity comes probably from growing up Mormon probably it's like well blessing said I'm Harry Potter I can do whatever I want I'll do whatever I want I have my own Magic want what want no but it was I think that like I don't know it's interesting cuz like I'm very passionate about passionate about grief and kids because it's like they're not okay you know just because like they're whatever but I think that the reason why we stopped it I mean there's a lot of reasons a lot of like synchronicity stuff but we um there was a kid that came like the fourth year like consistently and was like I feel bad that I'm not crying I feel that I don't feel bad and we were like [ __ ] like it started turning into like they were like what if I'm not sad do I have to be sad and then it was like this isn't not what we this isn't like what we feel is our like what we want to do like struggles our medicine and it was like we're not getting to the medicine we're just kind of staying in the struggle and I think there's a totally a place in a space and there needs to be that and that's so amazing that people feel called to that that's just like Laur and I are just naturally to our core more just like nonchalant Loosey Goosey kind of just like I don't know more just like we wanted to play more in the creative side and the playful side and like we like making jokes a lot about it and and that's where we found our own healing yeah we just we were being too serious in a way that wasn't authentic to us and so we just knew we needed to bless and release it and cuz it's like trickled down energy so like Gabby and I like weren't feeling and we were like I'm feeling stuck and it was like I was 21 and my mom died and like in a really weird way like my mom dying helped me heal like my mom was my best friend in the whole world and like the most amazing woman literally ever and there was an aspect of it that I could finally speak my truth um not because she did anything but I just didn't want her to be alive when I spoke my truth totally I totally get so there was a level of like there was a gift in it and I felt so weird about that because it was like ah like I like I don't feel the same way and that makes me feel like a fraud kind of yeah you know I don't know if that makes sense that sounds like totally makes sense I feel like a lot of people can relate to that yeah no that was yeah yeah Co was a really cool thing like it was a beautiful thing it was like the first thing that like well you were doing something else but it was the first thing like like I just did and it was really cool for both of us it was amazing and like we've always been passionate about community and connection and um and healing and support and clay and love and all of these things and it just went away that we weren't expecting and it didn't fill line and but yeah like we said like there's people who um they yeah they changed the name and so it's like different but it's like still yeah they're still kind of carrying on the same Mission so I think I follow them on Instagram yeah there you go go we would have had you we would had you yeah but yeah now we're doing with Lost Girls well Laurel and I kind of had to go through our own little bit like death Rebirth of our friendship because there was a level of doing COA that we were still kind of felt that trauma Bond like that codependency thing so that was a huge change in our relationship and like the way that Laur and I have navigated our friendship and being friends for so long is super honest communication and not taking things personally that's a huge one where it's like we are love for each other matters more than anything else which I think is so beautiful cuz me and Abby my producer talk about this all the time that like friendships like you don't go to therapy like something happens and it's kind of just like okay see I was thinking about that the like just like oh whatever so that's really cool you guys have built that friendship starting in high school there was stuff that went on that like yeah we don't need to talk about it okay listen I wasn't a very good friend in high school I say anything I literally I stole your boyfriend yeah there is some stuff there's some stuff Su but it was like there was still it still brings it up to this day guess you're not over it that was the first time that was the first time like we had a hard conversation we were 17 years old wow like we had to save our friendship at 17 and then again at 22 and then again at yeah like we've we've done this a lot where hit these walls and it's like and just really communicate that's so cool radical accountability like having to be like okay what is my part in this why am I triggered what's going on like where can I like show up and be vulnerable and be like yes it's so much honesty so much that I've never yeah like Laurel and I's friendship I feel like has been kind of like the path for me to understand how to do other relationships because like I have more of an avoidant attachment style in a lot of ways is your anxious or I'm like disorganized yeah I mean we probably both are a little disorganized but like uh I can definitely play anxious sometimes but a lot of the times it's avoidant with friendships and so this is so crazy we talking about this cuz I just realized like last week that I'm avoidant in friendships and in my romantic relationships I'm anxious sozy and I've literally been avoided my whole life with friendships and I've never known why like I keep all my friends at a distance and I did not like the stars did not align until there's a lot with like early programming like gender of like Mom or Dad and how different genders you'll show up differently which is like super crazy yeah I'm so avoidant with women and so not avoidant with men yeah that's interesting yeah and anyway so like Laura and I have had to have a lot of super honest conversations which led us to Lost Girls and L us to like our brand right now and what we're I mean even in Lost Girls we're still having to Pivot and it's just like the one thing that keeps us together is like we love each other above everything else and so whatever like triggers we have it's just like whatever we know we're going to work through it and we're just going to keep going so that's what we've done to get congratulations that is truly so rare yeah it's like I was thinking the other day I'm like we're like sisters but we don't like have the same family trauma we don't have like that connection whereas in like you can relate to your siblings about like you know how you were rais and all this stuff but like we've just yeah I don't know it's been and again like we don't go to therapy with your friends and I think that all the time I'm like yeah let's work it through like it's like let's like talk about you know but it's the radical honesty and accountability letting your pride go she like damn the hardest thing you know it's it is it's really hard it's like I'm not right maybe you know and and not taking it personally in the sense that a lot of times your triggers are just like old survival strategies and it has nothing to it doesn't mean anything about who you are it's just like okay I'm playing a pattern out thank you for bringing that to my attention I'm going to go clear that totally coming yes coming to the trigger with gratitude exactly yeah that's how we've gotten here and now our brand is very much like Lost Girls play delusion Whimsical we're just here for a good time I love it no we start yeah I I even know how we H one day we just decided I don't know we just kind of just do that we just decide things and somewhere we find the audacity we just love like I've always loved Narnia I've always loved like Disney shows like that it's like you go into another world right wait have you seen um a little princess yes that's my favorite movie cuz it's like she's like so delusional like you know it starts at the beginning and IND I love that one that's so cute wait have you guys done you've done plant medicine right are you open about that yeah okay have you done aasa no okay IA took me to that scene in India in a little princess Lally so crazy but that like I feel like those movies are like 13 Going on 30 how when she goes back to her inner child she's like so much cooler and kind and loving and like like I love those movies that just like no same like that I love it and that's kind of like where we I think like going back to our childhood it's like we just know like joy and play is the answer creativity being able to have fun and not take things too seriously like cuz our 20s we did that and like we went serious I did the the medicine wheel in Shamanism and so like that was for a year like did that whole spiritual thing after I left the church yeah we did the spiritual thing too yeah we said religion now spirituality and then we said oh why are we in the same place and then we said wait all right why how did we get to the same place let's go back and then we just said H who cares and that's where we are now it's like just play and like finding your in child your inner artist like being able to realize that you have the power inside of you and no one else does you know no yep yeah and are your husbands just like totally on board and like love this a yeah they support fully know what we're talking about half the time nope never and they say awesome so supportive love it Seth will go and like we will be at a party or something and he'll be like Laurel's doing this and this and this and I'm like you didn't makes sense you said but you're so supportive and I appreciate that you know what I mean it's like that's and that's all that we want you know we just want to feel loved and supported and not judged and for what we like to do so yeah my I do like channeling sessions and my husband when he came into my life he asked for one I thought he was like so into it and I was like so we did like some sessions and then we got married I'm like oh do you want me to do like a session he's like oh I just actually did that cuz I wanted to date you like I don't actually like do your but like that's not my thing and I was like what I thought he was like so into it no couldn't care less couldn't care less he just said I I just want to go on a date I don't know I know G Gabby and I like love like our own we're in our own world yeah I don't and we don't like need anyone else to like like it I guess that Mak sense yeah um but yeah with Lost Girls It's like we we want to do like Neverland Retreats and make like um programs for feminine Alchemy and just like stuff like that just like like Alis Wonderland Wendy from Peter Pan just this idea of like you're going on a journey and you're discovering your medicine and just having fun Community like just kind of connecting back to like those fun moments in childhood when you're just like playing night games and just playing with your friends and painting and like we just want that in like an adult version I love it that's so cool that's kind of what we want our brand to be so yeah just a magical just a magical brand yeah so so what are your like you guys do like manifestation sessions tell me all the things you do and then I want you to walk us through yeah totally so I before um I guess like in my early 20s I realized like I wasn't getting like a lot of the results I wanted in life from just doing like talking therapy so I went on this deep dive with like subconscious work and got licensed as an NLP practitioner and then uh I also do channeling like I said from childhood I was super disassociate app it and that was kind of like the gift that came from it is just I feel very connected to the other side but I also am very loose about it um and so I kind of combined those so in manifestation sessions I channel for people we'll Channel multiple life paths loved ones that show up and then whatever they're wanting to manifest will just clear subconscious blocks around it so that's kind of like the sessions that I do and Laurel and I there was a time where we did do sessions together and then you can kind of talk about where you're at yeah so yeah we we did we did sessions like it was really fun and like I love astrology and human design and stuff yeah um it's like fun for me to talk about with friends and stuff um I never thought it would be something that I would like want to pursue career-wise cuz I just view it as fun but when we started Lost Girls we were like let's just do something to just get started yeah let's just do something let's just do something and so we started doing that got a lot of really cool opportunities and so we kept doing that um and then I hit a point where I was like I don't think I like this like I was like I don't actually this doesn't bring me joy yeah um it's not my thing and it actually makes like what I like like astrology and stuff it makes that not fun like a chore almost yeah and so I kind of like had to trust my gut and be like okay like I feel like I don't want to do it and then I got pregnant and I was knocked off my feet for the whole month of November into kind of now but it was kind of the universe's way I think for me to be like hey you need knock it off and stop trying to do a spiritual business because I feel like I was trying to do that all of my 20s um because Lost Girls isn't to us it's not really spiritual it's just fun it's just fun and it's healing by play it's healing by Joy it's healing by going on your own journey and just having fun yeah um anyway so and I feel like I was like okay I really am not supposed to be doing this and so I kind of stopped and that's where we've kind of had to like readjust and pivot and have yeah figure out what we want to do and all of that my biggest fear for so long was like doing something on my own like I've always liked to collabor partner with people and so there was like also this gut knowing that I have to do I have to have something on my own like it's just part of like my growth and so there was a level of Laurel getting pregnant that forced me to start doing sessions on my own which was unbelievably uncomfortable but for the first time I cuz I've always had this huge fear of showing myself like showing my delusional side um I think my programming growing up was very much like my parents were super education and just like logical analytical that's where you like that's success and so I'm not logical or analytical I'm very delusional um and so I even I say like the subconscious is delusional cuz it's not logical and so that's kind of my bread and butter and I finally feel like I'm pursuing it and making a career out of it and I've feel like this is the first time I've ever experienced what people say when they've like are receiving and they're just in they're doing what they're supposed to do and they're getting results like and I don't know this is the first time I've ever felt like I could do something on my own so it was weird that we were forced to kind of almost like do our own thing but we still have lost girls and like Laurel is also on the path of like doing things from like for her brand and just everything she experienced around grief and so it's cool because we're both wanting to have our own Brands but then have lost girls Co so it's like it's a lot of I think to have your own together hence the working on our codep it's like how can you not like how can you not like want to just like if you have someone that like has similar thought patterns as you like you've grown up with and it's like why not just do scary for you guys it's it's been it's hard and it but it's also like it's us being like having Integrity for Lost Girls cuz Lost Girls never really was supposed to be the channeling thing we just had opportunities come in that we just like couldn't say no to so we came together and we did it and then all a sudden we kind of mixed it a lot into Lost Girls so now we're kind of in the pivot of like okay we have to bring Lost Girls back to its original goal which is like the fantasy Narnia Neverland and then I'm going to kind of do the channeling thing on my own cool okay I love that so much and she's doing so good very nice everyone should schedule with her stares into the camera I'm so scared please just delete everything I do um but no she's literally the best coach like the best Channeler I could scream it from the rooftops like it she really is the best you're the best no don't give me another I just said one thanks excepted thank you I love you guys this is a perfect Duo yeah this is so fun thanks okay I have a question for you Gabby kind of going back to like your sexual abuse so like your sexual AB you were sexually abused like like all of your childhood into your teens right when did it stop it's like so always such I think 16 16 but like it's really hard to know like when the last time was that's sounds weird but like you know what I mean I don't know I think 16 and you were probably like so just like not there oh yeah I know yeah um but I just wanted to know how like that you were able to work through that in like your sexual relationships moving forward with other people 100% so uh and is it still something you deal with today for sure like it's definitely like a layered thing and I always say like sorry I keep interrupting you but then on top of that it's like the church programming that we had like on top of all of that the church you are an object kind of and then yeah so there was an aspect of like um in my early 20s like I was saying like uh UND I read the body keeps the score for the first time and it blew my mind away the fact that like when we go to Talking therapy we're not engaging our trauma brain because the trauma brain isn't verbal so I always say it's like going to the doctor and your left arm is broken but the doctor helps you strengthen your right arm so your right arm gets really good at supporting the left arm but it doesn't heal the left arm wow so once I realized that I was like okay I can't just do talking therapy I have to do something else cuz I want different results and the results I was getting was that anytime I was near a guy I wanted to throw up like I just couldn't date I was super nauseous I'd sabotage everything like I never really dated a lot to be honest because I was so scared of it and so scared of intimacy and so um I just kind of set the intention that I wanted to learn more about the subconscious and I found two of the most amazing women in the world they named I'm give them a shout out Michelle Wilding and Amanda Nelson they were my coaches who taught me NLP and it changed my life so like NLP is just like the study of the subconscious it's just subconscious language and understanding how the subconscious speaks um I just started rewiring reprogramming my brain and so I would take all of my belief systems around intimacy around sex around around even just like everything that goes into being sexually abused and our perspectives that we take from it and I just went and rewired it and so obviously there's layers that come up but it is night and day difference like so cool night and day so that's kind of what I've done to heal from the abuse is subconscious work so and have you had like a ton of communication with your husband now just to like yeah I mean it's more yes and I'm also the type of person that I just clear it like I'm like I could sit and talk to you about how I'm feeling or I'm just going to go clear it and then we can move forward cuz there's a level of like I realized I love storytelling and sometimes that can play into drama and sometimes I'll get like ARL knows this sometimes I get stuck in like a story that's like you could have just gone and cleared the belief and we didn't have to go through the trigger process cuz sometimes sometimes I like to just go clear it before I have a conversation with friends or people because and how do you clear it um I can teach you like literally it's like one of my favorite methods it's called hawle out and you're literally just zoning out you're dropping into a lower brain wave state and it disorganizes the memory so so simple NLP is like dumb easy and that's why I'm like I don't know why I isn't taught in schools because it's so easy to clear but it's not a good business model it doesn't make money because you can actually heal so there's a level of like I I don't I don't do the whole like uh like there's an aspect of honesty yes that's important but then it's also like the nail in the head thing where it's like I don't want to sit and tell them about the nail in the head when I could just go clear the belief favorite video ever yes like literally and that's what I feel like sometimes we do in the mental health world is we just talk and talk and talk about the problem totally it's like just clear the problem just go clear the belief so that's kind of my method and and like obviously I do have avoidant attachment so I'm still working through that but I would say I've come really really far and I'm proud of myself and then you mentioned the church thing uh that was the gift of the delusion is I didn't really pay I didn't really go to church so I didn't really get that level of indoctrination other than from my mom and that was so it's more just like me working through beliefs around my mom but the church itself I'm telling you like I wasn't there I didn't go to church I like in second grade I used to walk home after Sacrament so she always hated I always hated it in school you couldn't find me either place so I cannot relate I wish I could relate I know I was the same I feel like it were similar like church was my safe place that was the only place I felt safe ever you know like that now complete opposite I go to like church on Christmas and I'm like what am I doing here what am I doing here that would be really hard to unravel though if that was your safe place that's really hard it is weird it's interesting and like I remember when I left I would kind of miss it like on Sundays I didn't go home to family stuff ever so it was just like what am I going to do today no for sure yeah yep loved Girls Camp no I don't even think about it that's so crazy I did love girls camp Oh Me tooo Do you guys listen to Girls Camp ever I love she's awesome yeah okay I'm trying to think what what else do we want to talk about um let's see I love you guys I know this is so fun thanks for being such a safe space yes this is so fun um okay did I say enough about like how to grief after like how to do it how to handle it um maybe we can just tap into it a little bit yeah I don't know I don't we talk about so much I can't remember I can't remember what I just want to make sure I told her I microing today too so I'm like my gosh so fun I do it for every episode and it really helps me for sure yeah yeah wish I could do that you can't she's pregnant unfortunately that's literally just give the baby a little party also though are they just going to come out smarter like what happen to be fair what do we know like you can take an anti-depressant but you can't micro dos no I know there's or smoke weed it's like come on someone's lying someone's not yeah there's not adding up yeah yeah I'm not testing it yeah you're like I'm not going to be the gameit someone's lying yeah it's so true yeah okay Laura I want you to just tap a little bit into like your process of grief and how you I don't know just any thoughts you have on that i' for you to share um I've always played with the idea of like is childhood grief worse than adult grief vice versa like I've always kind of like I've been curious with that thought just because it is so different even though kids are still experiencing grief just in a different way yeah it's more of like a I don't want to say maybe non-verbal um cuz a lot of kids don't know how to communicate you know how they're feeling and so they're drawing pictures at therapy and they're you know doing art art and music and all of the stuff wait quick question have you done NLP with kids mhm okay yeah it's really cool teenager specifically it's really awesome um and so I think that what I've kind of come to the conclusion of is as a kid dealing with the grief I don't know if I did that as a kid I don't like Gabby said it's like I don't think I was given a space to do that like there wasn't a except my friends and school and church like anything out of my home I would just like and I didn't want to deal with it there cuz I was having fun you know when I was connecting and all of that stuff and so I think being an adult that's when it hits you in your 20s when it says you have issues that you have to figure out and I think that being able to cuz shame and guilt was a really big emotion growing up and so being able like if if an emotion comes up for me even now it's like hey I'm just going to love my through it and let myself feel it and not be like you suck this happened so long ago like why would you like continue to cry or you know why are you still hitting up against this wall you know and um I think that's the biggest shift for me is that perspective of just like loving myself through it and not shaming myself through emotions with grief and I didn't think I realize I did that until like a year ago cuz stuff would come up and I would be like why is this still coming up you know and I seriously did not realize I was doing it because again we were in the like mental health healing world for so long and that was like the one thing I don't think I actually addressed was like my own emotions and letting myself feel them and that's the biggest thing yeah that's the biggest thing with any sort of healing journey is being able to feel your emotions yeah and I think grief like everybody feels grief I think sometimes we think of it as like someone passing away but like there's so many different aspects to grief like losing a job that you loved or like a breakup or you know so many different things but then we try to like put grief over here like grief of someone dying here and like other stuff oh that's not grief you know yeah it's been yeah I think I'm now like clicking in my head of why this happened this past year was I had two miscarriages in this past year and I didn't really like address my emotions in the moment I have a really hard time doing that like I still to this day I'm like I'm a I'm really good at um navigating like traumatic circumstances and like crises where I'm like all right let's figure it out my brain and I'm really good at that it also excludes me being able to feel in the moment totally but you've come so far you're a lot better thank you very much um but yeah my miscarriages were a really big eye opener for me cuz it hit me like a now honestly like when I'm pregnant again and it's been healthy so far and it's like oh I don't think I actually like sat with that and real you know realize what emotions actually came up during that time MH and so the ACT thing about grief like that just goes along with it where it's like let yourself feel like that's my advice to anyone if they ask for it if they're experiencing any sort of grief it's like Let Yourself freaking feel whatever that is and I also think something that's I've noticed about people in my life that have lost someone is that they don't like they need you when it first happens but they really need you like 6 months down the road a year after because everybody else forgot and then like as you're saying this I'm thinking like they probably feel like shame ful for still feeling sad and still feeling so horrible maybe even feeling worse than they did in the beginning you know even though it's been a whole year like get your stuff together you know but like yeah totally especially like those check points in life like when you get married or have your first kid like it brings up another wave of grief and it's just like yeah I don't know like I can't imagine losing someone as a child cuz I feel like it's it's different as an adult I'm not trying to like downplay grief for anyone but like just as a child that's like your safety so it's like it really mes like that's it's like you're on your own yeah yeah it's really especially because I feel like you never probably no matter who you had in your life your sisters or your stepmom like it's that's not a parent so it's like this unconditional love from someone you probably didn't feel like you could really get that from anyone besides yourself and you probably had to learn that yeah and like now it's like now I'm building up my self-esteem and my confidence and loving myself and 20s where it's like I feel like with complex trauma it's it feels like I don't know if you it feels like you're like late in the game to like what's the word adulting you know it kind of feels like it's taken me a while to like get stuff that people maybe got in their early 20s does that Mak sense totally and it's like I I've also had to give myself Grace for that I'm like why am I not like farther in Life or what learning this and it's like I had a lot of [ __ ] that I had to deal with with you know and um yeah again the grace thing like being able to give yourself Grace and just love yourself and like you know you experienced this and now you're experiencing this and just keep on going yeah so grief is a [ __ ] yeah that's it grief is a [ __ ] it's so true and it's just something so crazy cuz it's completely out of our control and we don't really understand and we don't know exactly what happens when we die and like yeah it's almost like it was nice being so delusional in the church because you're like you knew exactly what was going to happen you knew exactly where your parents were you know that was like I would not let that go the just like the Eternal family you know what I mean it's like that would be so hard I to my parents again like it's like I have to do everything right I have to like yeah it was just like I had to be so on top of everything perfect at everything couldn't mess up couldn't swear couldn't I I had a boyfriend before I went on my mission and it was the mostri experience because he like touched my boob or something or my butt like it was literally nothing and my State president was horrific said my ad Mission would be delayed like asked me gnarly questions in our interview just like disgusting and I've never felt so shameful and guilty and depressed ever than in that moment for doing things your body was literally made to do especially at that age insane like insane and he was like you have to break up with with them or else you can't go on your mission and I'm like who the [ __ ] are you like it anyway so that that whole time period was so depressing and like even the first little bit of my mission and how did I start talking about that I can't remember but it's like yeah just shame and guilt and all of that just everything on top of it so yeah yeah okay I have two more questions for you guys I want to know like different things that you guys have manifested maybe like silly or like really cool or like dis important to you and then and um question I ask everyone if there's one thing you could have everyone in the world understand what would it be and I want both of you to answer okay um do you want to start with the manifestations um yeah I'm trying to think I I feel like there's a few things we were just talking on the way up here I feel like the thing with manifestation is like being able to hold the vision that it's going to happen and then executing it as well so it's kind of it's not like the sitting and waiting it's kind of the delusion as you will you know maybe just being like I'm going to get this no matter what it's I think manifestation is a combo of action and non-action right it's kind of trusting it's all of that but um I've manifested um a car fully paid for when I was like 22 years old only just paid off uh my boss gave it to me um wow yeah I and I like really needed a car like my other car was breaking down I was like what am I going to do like I don't have support financially like I whatever got a car um I've won so many Instagram giveaways it's hilarious like I know it's so stupid but it's like I'll enter all of them cuz I'm like I will win and Care like I'm like and it it's so silly but like I I love The Killers so much and this was like 3 years ago or something and um I entered one of the the you what is it now it's the Delta Center but like one of those contests and we got like a concert tickets and um like a free hotel stay or whatever and and I was like I know I'm going to get this because I love the killer so much and like I know that they're going to like let me win I don't know it's just like such a weird like mindset and I really do think it's delusion and the other thing like I've won a lot but like the other thing I love is

cheesecake andake bagels and The Killers yes exactly that's all you need to know that's all you need to know about me um but I wanted cheesecake on Instagram and I was freaking out like it was like the best day of my life I was like no way I was in the car when with Gabby when I wented she like what the freak is going on like as I was just like screaming um but I think it goes to show like what you love and that energy of love in general like will get you what you want and something like not being shameful about it like being so excited like a gy little kid I think it's so important I was so EXC excited my husband was stoked too like we got a freaking huge cheesecake but just stuff like that like just you know whatever you love and um just go for it you know and if it doesn't work then who cares something else is meant for you you know Let it go on to the next so that's mine um manifestation I always say like something about like manifestation uh that I feel like I learned from the subconscious is that we're like manifesting all the time because our subconscious main goals fulfill our deepest belief systems but often times we manifest from childhood trauma or programming so whenever I like want to manifest something I'll decide what it is and then I'll just clear any beliefs around it and then I'm it's like okay it's happening W so literally like right now I have like three in the works I can't say them yet because I think they might happen in like two or 3 months and you guys will see but uh it will happen okay just wait um but one of my favorites just ever is I hated like dating like obviously we just talked about all the drama but I also loved studying and so I would always just be in my room studying and people would always be like how are you going to find someone if you're always in your room and I'd be like my husband will come into my room and they were like that's so stupid and literally my husband came into my room and brought me Taco Bell so so cute like literally I said I'm not going a date so my husband will come to my room and he did he was like friends with my roommates and came in brought Taco Bell and I said Hi and then we got married like a year later so freaking cute so that's my favorite manifestation and that's on Gabby clearing her subconscious beliefs I'm getting that I literally just decided I was like I'm not leaving so he'll come here I'm just shocked that's beautiful wow yeah wow so that's my favorite and then you said one thing if you could have everyone in the world understand one thing what would it be um I'm going to be cheesy like the subconscious like literally I think it should be taught in schools and once you learn that life is so much easier that's it just learn the subconscious I know I'm like repeating myself because we've talked about it so much but I just feel like realizing that play and just joy and just enjoying this life that we've chosen to live like just experiencing it and that's it and that's the healing that's that's the medicine there just have fun and I feel like going along with that like it's so important to realize like you have to live your life for you not for everybody else because true Joy comes for living from living for you EXA for your own your yourself because it is not anyone else's life yeah 100% well beautiful ladies I'm going to tag you guys and everything so people will find you all the things and we always end the episodes in the name of vulnerability Amen in the name of vulnerability amen I've actually never had the guests do that with me so no I that was great we wanted to