How to Handle Career Rejection

This week we are diving into career rejection!

This episode includes why we struggle with rejection, how to overcome the feeling of disappointment, and how to use your rejection as an opportunity for growth.

Enjoy!

Transcript

Speaker 1 0:17

Welcome back to another episode of the 20 survival guide. This is your host, emily Astley. This week we're going to talk about something that I've experienced recently and we all experience in our lives, and that's rejection. I know we've spoken about this on the podcast before, but I wanted to tell a personal story because I thought this would be really helpful for you or whoever is listening that feels like they really struggle with rejection in any walk of life. This might be in your career, this could be in relationships. Honestly, rejection is something that no one likes, but we all have to deal with and it's so hard to take. But I've recently experienced it and I'm just gonna talk you guys through how I dealt with it and what you can do in order to make rejection a lesson and something you can learn from, rather than just something that brings you down and stops you from moving forward. So, without further ado, let's get into the episode.

Speaker 1 1:31

So recently I've been job hunting and this has been like a really difficult process. If you've ever job hunted which I'm sure you have or are going to then you know that job hunting at the moment, especially in the UK, is literally so hard. It is like constant rejections and you hear these stories from people, friends, people you know, who are like I got this job after applying to about 100 different jobs and getting 100 different rejections and then the 101 job that I took was the one that I that accepted me and it just sounds harrowing. It's like, oh my God, so I have to cool. I've got to do a hundred hundred applications which take time, by the way, applications take time and then only to get the 101 job that I apply for. It is really tough out here. But anyway, I was in a good position and I was going for this job that I liked and I had six interviews for this job. It's a very competitive field and I was super looking forward to it. So obviously you never know and you never think you have the job until you get the offer. But when you do about six interviews, six or seven interviews, you start to get married to a firm or a job, like you would to a person. You start to get attached to it. So I was feeling really good because every interview I did I got another one and it was just really nice because if you know and you've been rejected by jobs before, honestly it's like so hard to even just get an interview. So if you've got an interview for any job, you should already feel really good about yourself, because just getting your foot in the door is so hard.

Speaker 1 3:07

But I got into the sixth interview and then I had the seventh interview and this was the last one and I was pretty sure you know it was a very simple interview and I did it and I was really looking forward to hearing back because it was the offer. And I was surprised here because I thought everything was going well. I got rejected and I was genuinely so sad and the minute I found out because if you can, you can imagine that putting seven interviews of time is a lot of time for preparation, especially if it's in a really competitive field. So this process had been going on for like over a month, I think over two months. So of course you put a lot of work and time into this and that's what I did. And then to hear that you get rejected is 10 times harder than just getting rejected from just an application that you sign up for and you haven't even had an interview yet.

Speaker 1 4:00

So I was so shocked because I was like I was not getting this vibe from anyone and I guess you know, maybe they found someone better and that is so normal. But it made me really really upset, because I don't know if you guys have ever been through heartbreak before or had a breakup in a relationship, but you get this feeling sometimes where it's this pit in your stomach, this gut-wrenching feeling, where you just lose your appetite because you're so sad or you're so upset or you just feel so numb that you're not hungry, you don't have any thing that you really want to look forward to, and it's just a horrible feeling. And that's exactly what I felt and I was like, oh my god, I only get this feeling when I've been through heartbreak, because if we just let it crush us as a human being, it's really hard. But I was so upset and then I realized I'm really glad that I had this other job and I'm really glad that I got that far, because I did not think I would even get to the second interview, let alone the seventh interview. I felt so much better when I looked at it that way and I was thinking I am really proud that I got this far, because it's really hard to do and I've learned so much from those interviews which I can use if I ever need to do interviews like that again. I feel so much more confident now. So it wasn't a waste at all, it was just another notch on my belt of experience.

Speaker 1 5:30

But why do we get so hurt by rejection, guys? Because it is just not fun. But there are reasons why we actually feel physical pain, like I said, not getting hungry, just feeling like that pit in your stomach. That's because there's a biological reaction. Our brains treat this emotional rejection almost the same as physical pain and because of that it activates areas of physical discomfort, like I said, not feeling hungry, feeling sad, feeling down. And there's another reason, which just goes back to like being humans and what we were, what we're programmed to be like, and that is obviously humans are supposed to fear rejection because that means that you're not part of a pack, and I think this is just dating back to like ages ago when evolution happened. But the point is is that you fear social rejection. You fear rejection in general. So being rejected hurts because you don't want to be rejected. You're just programmed to not like rejection as a human being.

Speaker 1 6:27

And then there's the aspect of self-worth, and rejection can obviously make us question our self-worth and it can make us question our abilities and our value as a person, and a lot of us also tie self-worth which is so normal to external validation. You get rejected from a career in this sense and you feel like you haven't been validated externally. When you get rejected, that amplifies that fear of failure because you start to feel like I'm not worthy of it. I then can't do well, and then a whole spiral just follows. You also don't want to feel unsuccessful or inadequate for the job, and when you get feedback like you're not qualified enough, you wonder is is that the case? And if that's the case, I don't feel successful. Or is there something else wrong with me?

Healthy Ways to Handle Rejection

Speaker 1 7:13

Honestly, fear of failure is also why people hate rejection and that's worrying that you know you're not going to be able to get far in life if they're, if you're going to be rejected. But that's why it's so unbelievably hard to go beyond the rejection and not go against what they say as feedback, but almost think I know I can get a job similar to this, or I know I can actually do what I want to do. I just need to keep pushing. You know you have, like Steve Jobs, jk Rowling, all these people who genuinely just didn't let rejection get to them and they kept going. But that's against human instinct. To take it personally and take it personally, you have to have enough self-belief that you can and are capable of doing it. You're just going to have bumps along the way and not everyone is going to want you and that's fine, but people will. So programming your brain to think that is a whole nother story and that is so difficult. But there are healthy ways that we can handle this really sad feeling when we get rejected and I'm going to talk us through them because they're really important and they can be applied to any sort of rejection, whether this is career rejection, relationship rejection, friends rejection anything that you're going through that has rejection involved.

Speaker 1 8:31

Focus on the bigger picture. Rejection really is just a small setback in a much larger journey and the journey is your journey. So that one rejection that you've got might feel monumental right now, but it's really only a tiny setback in your journey and it's not going to change everything. You are going to be okay and it's things aren't that permanent. So you have to think about the larger picture which is your life and where you're going to go, and it's really that small when you think about it like that, in order to make yourself feel better, you can focus on your long-term goals to keep you moving forward. What are you really looking for? What's beyond this job? What do you actually need? What do you want out of life, not just looking at the short term, which is this job or this relationship that you've got rejected from. You know you need to start thinking about the bigger picture, and when you think about the bigger picture, the present just doesn't seem as relevant.

Speaker 1 9:25

Number two practice self-compassion. You need to be kind to yourself when you go through rejection, because if you're not kind to yourself, then your brain will literally attack you and you'll start overthinking and think that you're genuinely not worth it and just take it so personally and find it really hard to get back from these setbacks. Everyone goes through rejection, whether you believe it or not, and it's just something that's part of life. It's so normal. If you don't get rejected, it's going to come in your life, whether it's now or later. So the more you can handle and the better you can deal with the rejection, the better equipped you'll be for later in your life to handle the successes, because the successes only really come from the rejection, and the most successful people in the world have really proved that to us.

Speaker 1 10:10

My best advice in this sense is to treat yourself and take care of yourself like you would to a friend. You know that you would treat your friend who's just been rejected with love, care, support and just tell them why they're great and help them get over it. And you shouldn't treat yourself any differently just because you're harder on yourself. It's also a blessing and a curse, and the main thing is, when you're going through this, how would you help your friend? You need to help yourself the same way.

Speaker 1 10:39

Number three is stay social and seek support. So when I say that, I mean stay social. Don't just go and isolate yourself because you're feeling really sad, and I know it's so easy to do. You can do that for a tiny bit till you feel like you've come to terms and actually realised what's happened. But if you just introvert yourself and isolate yourself when you're going through this, it's not going to help you. You're going to feel lonely, you're going to feel sad and then it's going to be something that's dwelling on your mind so much more because you're giving yourself the time to think about it.

Speaker 1 11:13

So you need to seek the support of your friends, of your your family, of people around you who love you and, as hard as it is to go and tell them the rejection sometimes and let them know you've been rejected because you get embarrassed and that's so normal. It's really important because they will help you get through it much faster than if you just go and isolate yourself, which is only going to make you feel worse. This emotional support that you're going to get from your friends, from your family, it's going to make you feel much better and you're just going to move past this rejection way faster if you get that. And obviously you're not going to go and tell everyone, because when you get rejected, it's so normal that it's something that's sensitive to you, because if you care about it, it really hurts.

Common Mistakes When Facing Rejection

Speaker 1 11:54

So I would always confide in my best friends, my closest friends and my family, people who I know I can trust and are going to give me the advice that they know I need to hear, not just people who I don't really trust or I don't feel like are going to help and pick me back up. So go and seek their support, from the friends that you trust, from the people that you trust in your life. You don't have to go shouting about it, but it's really important to find those people, that the horse move on and keep moving forward. But you also have to reflect on it, because if you don't reflect on it, you're probably not going to learn as much to help you avoid another rejection or to help build you up to be better after what you've just gone through. So you need to think to yourself how do I actually handle rejection? Take that time for a second to think how do I handle it? Am I someone who handles rejection well, do I not? Do I internalize it? And then how can I reframe this rejection for growth and turn it into growth? And there are many ways you can do that. One of them is by making sure you get feedback from whoever that person is, learning what the issue was, so that you can improve on that and do better for the next time. That's a massive one. And also, how are you going to approach the next situation that you get into?

Speaker 1 13:26

So now we're going to talk about the common mistakes people make when handling rejection, and there are a couple, and this is just in order to help you make sure that you don't fall into this trap of making these mistakes. The first one is taking rejection personally and letting it affect your self-worth. We know that that's easier said than done, but that is the first thing. When you get rejected, people don't mean it personally. It's not a personal thing, it's not a detriment to your character necessarily. It just is something that is part of life. So learning to not take it personally and move on is so important. So try to, first and foremost, as hard as it is, not take rejection personally. It is nothing personal.

Speaker 1 14:08

Number two dwelling on what went wrong rather than just moving forward. We definitely need to think about how can we improve for next time, but dwelling on what went wrong too much is never gonna help, because what's done is done and you need to take that rejection and turn it into a lesson and we need to move forward so we can get to where we actually need to be much quicker. The more we dwell, the more time we're wasting. Thinking about it like that really helps, because you don't want to waste time. Number three isolating yourself from others and not seeking support. We discussed this earlier, but making sure that you actually tell your family, tell your friends, let people in, because it's really hard to go through it by yourself and you're only going to be harsher to yourself instead of having people who are actually going to help you, who know what to say, who are going to lift you up and help you move on. It's a big mistake and so easy to isolate yourself when you've gone through rejection, but it's just not going to help. So you need to tell your friends, seek support and they will be there for you and get through it.

Speaker 1 15:08

Number four not using rejection as an opportunity for growth. So there's one thing between getting rejected and moving onwards, but there's another thing for getting rejected and learning from that rejection and turning that rejection into an opportunity for growing as a person, thinking about the rejection and how far you came in the first place, because you grew in order to get there, to get as far as you did, and then you also have to learn that you're going to grow even more from learning about this rejection. So use it as an opportunity for growth, use it as fuel to push you further, to make you more motivated to get where you want to be, to get that job or to get that, whatever it may be. To be honest, we should always see rejection as something that is an opportunity, because it helps us move onwards from it a lot easier. This rejection can actually open doors for something that's more meant for you, that's right for you, that aligns with you better. Something else is going to come along and it's going to align with you and your needs and your passions. So much more than this and it's just time and effort, but it will happen and definitely make sure that you learn the lessons.

Actionable Tips and Final Thoughts

Speaker 1 16:19

So what can you do differently next time to make sure you don't make that same mistake? Maybe? What skills do you need to work on? You might be able to find this out from some feedback that the person has given you, or you might be able to think about that yourself and realise. Come to that realisation yourself. Or maybe there's another path you haven't considered. Maybe that's another career path, maybe that's something else that you need and you didn't realise from before. But having reflection and thinking about the lessons you've learnt from it, even writing these lessons down after a rejection that's been so painful is really important, because it's you crystallizing what you actually learned from that experience so that you can fully have closure and move on. Here are some actionable tips when you get rejected. So these are really important.

Speaker 1 17:05

Tip number one don't be afraid to ask for feedback after rejection. You are so entitled to that. You don't have to go about life wondering why someone didn't want you, and it's their duty. I feel like it's just so important that they do tell you why that's the case, so you know that you understand what it is, in order to go and work on that, be better, instead of just wondering what you did wrong, because that's only going to leave you feeling stressed, anxious and confused and it's not going to help you grow. So do not feel fearful in order to ask for feedback. It's so important. The more feedback, the better.

Speaker 1 17:41

Tip number two treat this rejection as a stepping stone to some more clarity about what you actually want in life. Maybe this was what you wanted and you just need to go and try again. Maybe this wasn't what you actually thought you wanted, or there were parts of this process where you realised you didn't enjoy, that you didn't really want it as much as you thought you did. You need to think about these things so that you can redirect your energy to what's actually meant for you. Tip number three focus on building resilience through the small wins, even if they're unrelated to the rejection. So this could be, in terms of the rejection, this could be the small wins that you did have. So in my case, it's like I got through every single interview process until the end. That's major wins for me, because that means that I clearly was capable enough to get that far and I never thought I would have.

Speaker 1 18:35

All in all, rejection is something that we all are gonna face in our lives and it's so, so normal and it happens to everyone and it is so difficult to deal with. But just knowing these tips and knowing that it's not something you should take personally, that it's something that you can use to grow and become even stronger and formidable as a human being, is really important. So getting into the mindset of using these rejections for life lessons, for lessons in general, for self-growth, and trying your best not to tie this rejection to your self-worth, because that is how it gets you down. I hope this episode has been useful because I just really wanted to share my own personal journey. As I say on this podcast on the 20 survival guide, we are really unfiltered and it would be wrong of me if I didn't open up about it and let you guys know that this happens to everyone and not everyone is open about their rejections, and that's also completely understandable.

Speaker 1 19:32

You don't have to be open about your rejections with everyone. It's really difficult to do, but I thought that if I tell you my story it might make you feel a little better if you've also gone through something similar recently. So take it on the chin. You're stronger than you think you are and you were fine before, so you can be fine afterwards next time you feel really shit about rejection or you're just feeling down because you didn't get what you wanted. You've got to keep going and you will get there eventually. You are stronger than you think. I hope you guys enjoyed this episode and I shall see you guys next wednesday. Bye Wednesday, bye.