10 Things You're Supposed to be Confused About in You're 20's

Your 20s can feel like a chaotic mix of ambition, uncertainty, and the constant pressure to "have it all figured out." 

Sometimes you might feel confused whilst everybody around you looks like they know what they're doing.

In this episode, we're breaking down 10 things that are totally normal to be confused about. From careers and relationships to identity, money, and everything in between. 

Whether you’re feeling stuck, behind, or just overwhelmed by the amount of constant change in your life, this is your reminder that confusion isn't failure, it’s part of the process.

Enjoy!

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction and New York Dreams
• 3:17 Confusion About Career Paths
• 5:47 Where You Want to Live
• 7:47 Finding Your People
• 9:52 The Pressure of Doing Enough
• 11:32 Understanding Love and Relationships
• 13:17 Shaping Personal Beliefs
• 16:07 Navigating Financial Illiteracy
• 19:17 Mental Health and Success
• 23:12 Discovering Your Passions

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:17

Hey guys, welcome back to another episode of the 20 survival guide. This is your host, emily Askey. I've just come back from New York and traveling and honestly, I'm feeling so sad that I left New York because I realized when I got there that that I think I was destined to be there. I think New York is like the place for me to live and I really, really want to go and work there. And I just was walking through the streets of Greenwich Village it was sunny, I was by myself, I had my headphones on and I just felt so liberated and I was thinking to myself I need to move here one day and again, like we're in our 20s, so I don't really have any commitments that ties me down to stay in London, so I could absolutely get up and go tomorrow. Obviously I'm gonna need the finances for that, but the point is I think I want to move to New York. I think I could do a couple years there in my mid-20s and be really happy.

Speaker 1: 1:09

But anyway, we're getting sidetracked because today we're going to talk about 10 things that you're supposed to be confused about in your 20s. I'm not saying you have to be confused about these things, otherwise you're not doing it right? Obviously not, but I'm saying that if you are confused about these things, you're supposed to be Like you're in your 20s. This is more than normal. I did an episode three weeks ago talking about 12 signs that show that you're doing better than you think. You are in your 20s, and I think you guys really like that one. So this is sort of similar, but instead we're talking about 10 things that you're supposed to be confused about. So, without further ado, I'm going to get into the episode.

Speaker 1: 1:56

So, look, we all know that it's very common to feel lost in your 20s. You're not the only one, and I'm always going to be the person to remind you that, because I feel like it's my job, and when you come back to listen each week, it makes me so happy and, honestly, I don't take any lessons for granted. I love all of you and I just want to be that reminder to you. That you're feeling lost or sometimes having moments of feeling down and confusion about your 20s and what you're doing with your life is so normal. If you don't have a five-year plan, that's fine. You're not supposed to. So we're going to delve into these 10 things because it's almost a way to remind you that if you're having anxiety about one of these 10 things that I'm about to list to you, then this is going to remind you that it's normal and there's no reason for you to stress. You don't have to rush the process. This is just part of the uncomfortable growing pains that we're going through in order to get to where we need to be in life. So I'm gonna just start. We're gonna start with number one.

Speaker 1: 2:59

Number one's a pretty big one, and that is your career path. So it's super rare to land your dream job straight away or even know what your dream job is. I personally, and a lot of my friends, don't really have a clue about what we want to do with our lives, and that is in a career sense. So it's super normal if you don't know what you want to do with your life or if what your first job is isn't your dream job, because I've been through my first job and I'm about to start my second one, and one thing that that really taught me was that I had this perception before that your job that you go into first has to be somewhere that you have to stay for like five to ten years, and it kind of has to be something that you're going to do forever in the field, that you're going to do years, and it kind of has to be something that you're going to do forever in the field that you're going to do forever, and that's just so not true, because I stayed there for less than a year and, it don't get me wrong, taught me so much, but it just wasn't meant for me. So I think your career path is something that you should be confused about, because how are you supposed to know like how were you supposed to know what was your right career path unless you wanted to go into something so specialized? You weren't. So you can't beat yourself up about it if you didn't know, because it's not like you're gonna have a light bulb moment. I think the way that you find out what you're meant to do is genuinely, unfortunately, through time and trial and error.

Speaker 1: 4:17

One of the biggest lessons I've learned this year is that it's okay to pivot. It's okay to try something and it might not be for you, and then move on to something else, and that doesn't necessarily mean that you're just giving up easily. There are two different things when it comes to trying something and then really not liking it, realizing it's not for you and moving on to something else or trying something. And when it gets difficult and you kind of still like it, but it just got a bit difficult, then you quit. That's you know. That's giving up when it's tough, and that's different and it's okay to pivot when you really don't like it. Also, another point for you guys, if you are confused about your career path, is that the confusion that you have now will lead to clarity later. And if that makes no sense to you, each time you pivot, each time you realise that this might not be for you, this might be for you, you're getting closer to what is right for you. So don't think that this confusion is you at a standstill in your life. You're actually getting closer to what is right for you and growing throughout all of that confusion.

Speaker 1: 5:19

Number two where you wanna live Okay, this is a huge one, because I feel like it's not spoken about enough but where you wanna live, like live long-term or live for the next decade of your life. I'm so confused because I love London and I was literally I just outed myself in the beginning of this episode talking about New York because I kind of wanna go and live there. Part of my brain is like like you have nothing tying you here, you don't have a boyfriend, you don't have like kids, you don't have a whole family that you've got to take care of. You should get up and go. But then the other half of me is like but I can't just get up and go, and it costs a lot of money and I don't have any friends there right now and and I just don't know. But I also feel like there's this urge that I should get away from home or my hometown, because it's supposed to be the best time to do it. So there's this pressure and confusion at the same time, which is not a nice mix to have. Should you move for opportunity or should you stay for comfort? That is such a big question and I think it really comes with time. And I think that is such a big question and I think it really comes with time and I think that is a truth when it comes to where you want to live, in being a right moment and a right time and just being luck.

Speaker 1: 6:30

Some people are made for the city and some people much prefer the countryside. For my UK loves, you don't have to live in London to get opportunity, and I think that I've mentioned this on the podcast before that London isn't the only place in the UK that has opportunity, and I think that I've mentioned this on the podcast before that London isn't the only place in the UK that has opportunity and there are so many other amazing cities and amazing places that you can work and you can live in. And London isn't the only be all or end all, and I think that it's kind of framed that way. But if you don't really like the big city life, you don't have to live in the big city in order to work. You can go to a smaller city in the UK that is also closer to fields or long dog walks, whatever makes you happy, being near your family, like you don't need to move miles away if that is not for you, and just because it might be for someone else, it might not be for you. Their path is not your path. Number three who your people are.

Speaker 1: 7:26

So your core people, your best friends, your group like, who you identify yourself with changes so much and it changes throughout your 20s and it's great that you might have one or two people who are going to be there throughout the rest of your life and if you do have that even just one person, you're so, so lucky, because that is something that no one should take for granted. A friend like that is one that should always be cherished. But friendships shift and groups change, and maybe your university friendship group isn't the same, isn't as close as it used to be, and that's really common, and I hate to say that because I really don't want that to be me and I really don't want that to be you, because if you had the best time with your uni friends, if you went to university, you you really don't want to split up, but sometimes distance just gets in the way and life gets in the way and it's really hard to not let that happen. But that doesn't mean that you're failing socially, so you shouldn't beat yourself up. If you're losing touch with some friends, it's probably not because you're not contacting them enough. It might just be that you guys are drifting in certain directions that aren't the same and you're growing apart whilst doing that, and that's something that you can't control, and in a way, you might be growing out of these people who weren't really meant for you in the first place. These could be friends you've developed from primary school or high school or university and you might be growing apart from them, but that's not you failing socially. That is genuinely you growing as a person into more of an evolved you, an evolved human being, and seeing who's right for you. On that journey, you are finding who your people are.

Speaker 1: 9:05

Number four, and this is a huge one, whether you're doing enough, and that's such a general umbrella term, but whether you feel like you're doing enough in life right now, career wise, whether you feel like you're pushing yourself. This is so linked to imposter syndrome and don't get me wrong, you don't have to be like an influencer or a celebrity to feel like you have imposter syndrome. Imposter syndrome is something that everyone faces and that could be feeling like you're not meant to be in a friendship group, feeling like you're not meant to have achieved something that is so big or a job, a career that's really important to you, and you feel like you shouldn't be there, you shouldn't deserve it, and it's so common. Feeling like you're not doing enough comes from imposter syndrome, it comes from burnout and it comes from comparison to others.

Speaker 1: 9:52

I personally have this feeling all the time and I think to myself should I be doing more? Should I be exercising more? Should I be working harder? Should I be further along in my life right now than I am? And it's such a horrible thought because it just takes over your brain and it makes you feel anxious. Immediately it's like, oh my god, I need to do more. You're probably doing more than enough, but there's always this pressure to feel especially when you're comparing yourself to others that you need to do more. I'm here to remind you that you're not lazy. If you feel like you're not doing enough, you're just adjusting to a whole different period of your life and, like I said, once you get into your 20s, you don't just settle there and you don't just stay there and things don't just adjust and stay the same for the next 10 years and then you move into your 30s. In your 20s, it's the most uncertain time in your life, so things are changing from one month to the next. So when you feel like you're never doing enough, it's genuinely not because you're lazy. It is just you are adjusting to new situations, new jobs, new environments and new things that are thrown your way all the time. So please, don't be hard on yourself. You, at the end of the day know if you are doing enough and I think that you probably are, and it's also super common and okay for you to feel confused about that in your 20s.

Speaker 1: 11:12

Number five what love really is. I don't mean this in a cringe way, I mean relationships are really tough. I think once you get into your 20s, relationships like really change from what they were in your teens and figuring out what love was when you're a teenager compared to in your 20s is like a whole different ballgame, like they're not even the same thing, they're not even in the same family. And especially when dating is so hard especially in this day and age, it's just harder than ever With dating apps and infatuation it's really hard to tell whether it's lust or love, a real connection or something that's gonna last a week or so. If you have great chemistry with someone, that might be amazing, but if the commitment isn't there, then it's not gonna work out. It's really hard to figure out what love looks like to you. The only way to learn the difference between lust and love and commitment versus chemistry is genuinely just through uncomfortable things like heartbreak, and the more heartbreaks you have which I know sounds horrible the closer you're going to get to realising what love looks like to you. You're going to be able to identify the difference so much quicker once you've been through heartbreaks over and over again, because you then have realised what you don't like in someone, what you want in someone for the next time. You're just developing like this person in your mind who might not have a face yet, but you know what sort of values you want them to have, and that comes with time. So don't be hard on yourself if you're struggling with dating at the moment or you're feeling like you just can't really hold a connection down with anyone.

Speaker 1: 12:57

Number six is what you believe in Faith, values, politics, politics, religion, all of that kind of stuff like what you actually identify as. Because I think when we grow up it's really easy to cling on to our parents beliefs, our parents political beliefs and religion, and that's so natural and normal because you're looking up to them all the time. So if they believe something, you kind of don't really know any different because that's all you've seen. So how are you supposed to be like, oh, actually I want to be atheist when you've been brought up catholic, let's say. That just has to kind of come through your 20s and figuring out. Do I actually identify with this religion? Does it make me feel like it does to my parents?

Speaker 1: 13:41

And these things are super complicated because you're trying to solidify these specific beliefs that you have as a person and make sure that they're your own and they're not just taken from other people, which is why you think this way, like taken from your parents and regurgitated and actually questioning whether you believe that as well. It's a whole thing that you feel really confused about, and you're supposed to, because, I mean, I currently question my political beliefs and my religious beliefs and one month it doesn't, it doesn't pop into my head and the next month I'm like, do I really identify with this? Like is, is this really me, or am I just copying and pasting what someone else has told me? And I think that that sounds relatively normal, without questioning it. So if this is you as well, please don't stress like it is so normal to be questioning things.

Speaker 1: 14:34

Your 20s are full of unlearning, re-evaluating, figuring out what's best for you. It is so normal if you don't know what your political beliefs are full of unlearning, re-evaluating, figuring out what's best for you. It is so normal if you don't know what your political beliefs are yet that's something you are going to figure out and it comes with time. It doesn't come with sitting down for an hour and like writing a pros and cons list, like it just comes with time and exposing yourself to new opinions and new views and just making sure that you don't really keep yourself in a bubble of one specific view, like opening your eyes and listening to people who have different views and those views might not be the same as yours, but being able to listen to them and think about them and question them rather than shut them down is really how you figure out these things and how you kind of shut down all the confusion of your beliefs. But also remember that there is absolutely no rush to label yourself like with a specific political party or a specific religion, like there is no rush. You could be agnostic, which means you really don't know what you believe in. You don't know if you believe in God. You don't know if you do Like that's also so fine, so there's so much labeling. We know that and you really don't need that in your life. It's extra stress, like you could always just call it. I'm just figuring things out, like I'm just confused. I'm confused and I'll get there.

Speaker 1: 15:50

Number seven is how to handle money. This one has to be part of this, because money is always on, like money is always on the mind. Money is always on, like money is always on the mind. Money is always on my mind and I don't mean like, oh, I'm super money driven which, by the way, there is absolutely no issue with saying that you are money driven and I feel like not to be gender specific here because I know that that can get exhausting to hear about but I do think that women fear to say that they are money driven more than men do, and I don't know. There's sort of this taboo about. You shouldn't feel like you're going after money and you want money because you're not being humble, you're not being polite, you're not being quiet. I don't think there's anything wrong with being money driven, nothing wrong with it. It doesn't mean that you don't care about other things, but that's slightly off topic, because we're talking about how to handle your money. This is all from budgeting, investing, debt, everything.

Speaker 1: 16:44

It's so confusing because, as I've mentioned before, you were never taught this stuff in school. No one was taught how to invest, no one was taught how to pay their taxes and no one was really taught about debt, especially student loans and I mean like mortgages. Like I have no idea what a mortgage even looks like. So you know what that freaks me out. That makes me confused. I have no idea. You're kind of just figuring it out along the way, hearing things about from your friends oh, which savings account do you have? What interest rate does that have? What should I have what? What investments should I be doing? I don't know anything about that. You. That's really common.

Speaker 1: 17:20

But I think one thing that can be reassuring is that you're not the only one who's going through that. You're not going through that alone and you're definitely not alone in figuring it out late in your life, because everyone needs to know this, but no one was taught it at school. So I don't really know what's up with that. But something needs to change, because we're living in a world of so much financial illiteracy and it just adds to our confusion. To-do list, like I don't wanna deal with that. I wanna know what's going on. One way that I can suggest which has helped me along the way and I'm still learning so much. But one thing that's helped me is obviously keeping your mind open and trying to learn about these things, like making a conscious effort to learn and ask questions, and that could even be taking little courses, online courses to figure out how to find your best savings account, how to kind of know the basics of investing.

Speaker 1: 18:14

Finances might not be something that you're going into career-wise, but your personal finances is always going to be your problem. It's always going to be something that you have to deal with. So you should at least know the bare minimum in that sense so you can manage your own finances. But, as I said, if you're confused about investing, if you're confused about your finances in general, that's so normal and you're supposed to be confused. So I think once we all get a lot more financially comfortable and we're not thinking about if we have enough money to spend on groceries and going out for drinks that week, it will all just be a lot better because we don't have to stress about what to order on the menu because it's too expensive. And I can't wait for that day, guys, I can't wait, and it's coming for all of us.

Speaker 1: 19:00

Number eight your mental health. This is a really big one. You might be dealing with some serious mental health issues, or you might be someone who just has dips and you don't really know why, and you feel low some days and really good on other days. And Because when you're confused about things in your life from your identity to your whole structure, daily routine, career path you're gonna have lows when you're not sure what's going on. All of this is part of your messy learning curve.

Speaker 1: 19:35

So therapy, mindfulness I know people talk about that a lot, but all those kinds of things are ways to help you get out of your confusion. And also, if you're not really into therapy, if you don't really want that, speaking to people, whoever that may be, about your issues is so helpful and you should never feel afraid to do that. Definitely choose your closest friends or your family who are interested in hearing about what's best for you. Your friends can be great forms of therapy if you choose the right. Your friends are there to help you and I absolutely love therapising with my friends and helping them. Most of my friends are my therapists. So you know, a good Friday night with a couple of girls and a glass of wine is literally my version of therapy. So just do more of that if that's what makes you happy. If you're not sober, then that is one of my top tips for free therapy, and just know that you're not going through it alone. You might not have depression, but you might have lows, and that's still normal.

Speaker 1: 20:35

Number nine what success means to you?

Speaker 1: 20:39

When I was in my teens, success looked so different to how it does now to me already, and I'm sure it will change again next year and the year after that and the decade after that, and I think success will keep looking different and we'll think that we're gonna hit our bar of what success looks like to us.

Speaker 1: 20:55

But then, once we get there, we'll realize that that's not actually what success was supposed to look like and your goal might shift to be further away, and that's so normal. But also remember that it's okay to have a different view about what success looks like and it's okay to not know what success looks like. Your definition when you grew up of success might look completely different to what it does now, because what you previously thought might not be fulfilling as of now. And the beauty of that is that you get to redefine it. You get to redefine it every day if you want. You can redefine success as much as you want and you can keep moving it, shifting it, crafting it to be the exact version of success that you view it as, and it's all down to you. No one's views of what success looks like to them have to be applicable to you. Success will look totally different from one person to the next, and you can keep changing what that looks like to you, and there's nothing wrong with doing that if you're confused.

Speaker 1: 21:54

Me too absolutely me too. I absolutely have no idea what success looks like to me. A lot of famous people get that question a lot on podcasts and I always ask myself that question when I hear it being asked and I have a thing and I'm like what does success mean to me? Oh, my god, I don't know. And this person has it all figured out. But then I kind of realized that I'm probably like 30 years younger, or not even, but I just don't know, and that's okay. This is another thing which also is similar to your career path. That is success, and knowing what it means to you genuinely comes from trial and error. So if you're doing that, if you're trying new things, putting yourself out of your comfort zone and realizing what's fulfilling and what isn't, you are trialing and erroring what success means to you. So you're growing and that's a win and that's as much as we can ask for as of now.

Speaker 1: 22:47

Number 10, the final point this is what you're actually passionate about, and sometimes this can get quite sad to talk about, but it's really really interesting because a lot of people have passions and a lot of people don't. A lot of people used to have passions and they don't have time for it anymore, so they dropped what might have made them happy, or maybe nothing feels right, nothing feels like you actually enjoy and find pleasure in doing that thing alone. But that might just be now and that doesn't mean that you will never figure out what is right for you. It's just not yet. I think passions aren't always obvious and they're not very instant with lots of people. Some people find their passions early and they're really lucky. Passions don't have to be seeing your friends and they're not necessarily going to the gym.

Speaker 1: 23:34

There's something that you can do, ideally alone, that makes you really happy, makes you feel fulfilled, and something that you can work on and do in your spare time to make you feel better. So this could be reading, it could be a sport, it could be pottery, it could be absolutely anything, but I think it doesn't come instantly to lots of people, and that's okay, but knowing that you're out there and making an effort to try and find what you're passionate about is so important, because I feel like having a passion really grounds you. It kind of centres you. It's really healthy for you to have a place to go and be alone and do something you love, without having people around you and socialising, because sometimes we don't want to do that and having your own thing is so healthy. But if you don't know what it is yet, that's so normal. Trying your best not to feel embarrassed, to be bad at something new. That is really how you figure out what is meant for you, what your passion is. These passions can grow from hobbies that you quietly started doing and now you figure out you love, or jobs that you took that you didn't really expect to love as much as you do, and then they become a passion, or even failures and learning from these failures and kind of working on them in a way where you can talk to others about it. And it's really so broad.

Speaker 1: 24:55

Okay, guys, I've listed your 10 things. I hope you found at least one of those that aligned with you as of now, because I definitely find all of them confusing. Every single one of those 10 things is something that I get confused about on a daily basis. One just shoots into my head in the morning, one shoots into my head at lunchtime and then like 20 shoot into my head in the evening. You know, that's just how it works for me. But I'm trying to say that I hope this episode has kind of made you feel a little bit more reassured that you might not be the only one going through this. But also, if you are, there's no time limit. There is no time limit on figuring it out, and these things are normal to be confused about, because we are all.

Speaker 1: 25:40

If you're questioning everything, that's the main thing you can ask for. Keep questioning things. Keep questioning your opinions, your beliefs, your career path, absolutely everything. Because the more you question things, the more you learn and the more you grow. And I know that sounds super cliche, but it's okay to be questioning things. And in my mind right now, I'm giving you a massive hug, because I feel like I would need a hug right now, because when you question things, it can get really exhausting. I've got you, I've got your back and you're making massive progress, so just keep going, be proud of that and remember that you're not behind, you're just human. So I hope you guys enjoyed the episode and if you liked it, please let me know in the show notes, send me an Instagram DM and I shall see you guys next wednesday. Bye.