Hustling Harder is Blocking Your Abundance (And Here's What to Do Instead) | Episode 38

We unpack why wanting more money, love, energy, and support can feel unsafe, even when we crave it. We explore how nervous system patterns, ADHD masking, and hustle conditioning block receiving, then share a simple practice that helps your body learn it is safe to have more. 

• the “work hard or you fail” conditioning and how it keeps us stuck 
• masculine hustle energy versus feminine receiving energy in life and business 
• why sensitive, cyclical bodies burn out when we push nonstop 
• selling as a clean energy exchange rather than taking from people 
• hyper-independence, masking, and the belief that it is not safe to need 
• the 95% subconscious and why top-down tips often fail for ADHD 
• the compliment exercise and how to build new evidence fast 
• using emotion and the body to make change stick 
• practical steps to open up to receiving more 

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Transform your relationship with money, ease, and desire in just 30 days

This powerful, neurodivergent-friendly practice rewires your nervous system to feel safe receiving more, without shame, pressure, or needing another qualification. Even if you think you can’t meditate.

 https://www.jennyadamscoach.co.uk/rewire-to-receive

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DISCLAIMER: Everything mentioned in this podcast is only my/my guests’ opinion and should not be a substitute for seeing a medical professional or taken as financial advice. Please seek advice from your doctor and confirm with them that they are happy for you to implement something you heard on the podcast.

Transcript

Welcome And What You Will Gain

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to the Calm Your Nervous System podcast. I'm your host, Jenny Adams, Somatic ADHD Business Coach, and this is a space for you if you're a sensitive, neurodivergent, heart-led business owner who wants success without burning yourself out. Here we blend nervous system regulation with trauma-informed business strategy so you can increase your impact in a way that actually feels safe, sustainable, and aligned. You'll have practical tools, honest behind-the-scenes conversations, mindset shifts, and a good sprinkle of spiritual wounds, all designed to help you put your body first, trust yourself again, and create more ease, energy and abundance in your life and business. I'm so glad you're here. Let's go calm your nervous system. If you are somebody who knows and feels like deep down you want to have more, receive more, be more whether that's more money, more energy, more love, more support, more of something. And you might be someone who outwardly says that, you might say you're quite ambitious, or it might be deep down, like I really want that fancy car, but I feel a bit shallow if I do that because of the work I do. So in this episode, we're going to dispel a little bit of those myths around, you know, why that's keeping you stuck and looking at how you can open yourself up to receiving more. And before we start, I should say it's 31 degrees in my office. We are right in the middle of a UK heat wave, which has come on very unexpectedly because the last episode I recorded about two weeks ago, I had to go and dig out my winter jumper because it was so bloody cold. So I am very happy that it's warm. I know a lot of people are moaning. Well, people we're in the UK, people like to moan whatever. Um, that it's too hot, but I love it. So um I have the window open. So fingers crossed, we won't have any noise bleeding coming in. I did just hear two men outside talking about how they um secretly find sheep attractive, which is rather weird. But anyway, I don't know if that was my brain hearing something different, but hopefully I'm enough weirdness for this podcast and we won't get any really weird shit like that coming through.

The Hard Work Myth

SPEAKER_00 2:27

So, what's actually going on when we are somebody who wants more? What do we tend to do? What have we heard in life? If you want more, you're gonna have to work for it. Success only comes from working hard, studying, doing as you're told. Now, how many of us have probably left school without the best qualifications? I I see in clients we tend to go one of two ways. We can either hyper focus on school and we come out from a very from an extremely gifted place with a lot of results, or we go down the other end and we're like, fuck this, this is too boring, I'm not doing anything, and our gifts aren't seen because we don't fit into those traditional moulds. So, whichever one of those you may be, you've probably heard the conditioning that you need to work hard, and if you don't work hard, then you're a failure or you're never gonna equate to anything. Now that is not true, because that is very much a capitalistic society that has been put on us because schools want to make good workers, and good workers do as they're told, they work hard. How many of us have been through a bazillion jobs who can't do as we're told because it doesn't make sense? And if you're listening to this, chances are you are probably an entrepreneur or wanting to be. I mean, the clients I work with are neurodivergent well-being practitioners, so they are so often people who have gone into a corporate role and just been like, I can't, I just can't show up in this fakeness all the time. I can't do as I say, not as I do, which I have butted heads with many, many, many managers over the years about because I'm like, why? But why? It makes no sense. Well, because I've been here longer than you, but that makes no sense. So, if you have been conditioned in that working hard is the only way you will ever be successful, let's throw that shit out the window because it is not true. That is the traditional way that we have been brainwashed into being good employees and get a good job, get a good pension, that's the only way you can equate to anything, and it is not true. Now, if we go a little bit wider and we look at the energy of us being here as humans, we are not supposed to just get a job, pay the bills, and die. Why has source energy, God, the creator, whatever you want to call it, universe, put us here on this planet at this time, which is a pretty tumultuous time, to do what, do as we're told in some job that you don't give a shit about. No, we are

Masculine Hustle Versus Feminine Receiving

SPEAKER_00 5:31

here for more. Now that conditioning about working hard is the only way you can be successful is a very masculine approach. It is very much the giving. I have to work hard, I have to give, I have to do. And as energetic beings, we have masculine and feminine energies within us. We also live in a patriarchal society. So, which energy do we think we favor? The masculine hustle, the do more, the masculine is also very much the tangible. And I've done an episode in the past purely on masculine and feminine energy. So if you want to learn a little bit more about this, go and have a look at that previous episode. But when we are living purely in that masculine energy, we're not honoring our own feminine wisdom. So if you are listening and you are somebody who already maybe follows the moon cycles, has your oracle cards, crystals, you know, you you are tuned into more of that energetic something bigger. Like I have a pot of crystals here on my desk. They're not just stones, like we can feel the energy of them, they're all doing different things. Now that cannot always be logically understood from a masculine perspective. And when I say masculine, I'm not necessarily talking about men and women, I'm talking about the energies. We have both within us. But why do we apply the feminine energy when it comes to maybe some of our own self-care and practices? But we don't do that when it comes to work, business, money. We just full on go into hustle, work my ass off, have to push, have to do more. And what happens? We burn out, we get chronically ill because we are just pushing and pushing and pushing and pushing. We're not supposed to be in that energy all the time, especially if you are somebody who bleeds or has done. We are cyclical beings, so there'll be certain times of the month when it is better to do certain things or not do certain things. So there are times of the month when we are supposed to be in that receiving, there are times of the month when we're in the the pushing a little bit harder, but I'm sure you know what it feels like if you're on your period and every part of your body's like, I just want to be at home under a blanket and not talk to anybody, and you have to do a presentation, or you're having to take a class and really be on, and it takes so much energy, it's exhausting to do that. Whereas when you are maybe ovulating and you're doing one of those things, you're doing a presentation, you're speaking, you are um teaching a workshop, for example, it just feels easy. You know, there might be a little bit of nervousness. Like I've just done um a big talk at the big retreat festival this weekend. I'm on the approach up to ovulation, so it was great. Like this, I was in my best energy a week or two before, I'd be like, Oh, don't look at me. Please, I can't, oh I just can't, and that's not because of anything wrong, that's just where I am in my cycle. So thank god that happened to be at the same time as me ovulating, which is which is great.

Selling, Money, And Energy Exchange

SPEAKER_00 8:58

But if you are somebody who is continually working hard, you also struggle to sell. Maybe selling feels a little bit icky, and make like you're taking something from somebody, this episode should help you change some of how you're seeing that. Because especially when it comes to business, if you are running a well-being practice, if you are a Pilates teacher, a yoga teacher, a Reiki practitioner, um, a coach, you know, if you're wanting to help people, are you doing it as a hobby? Or is it a business? And the difference is a business needs to make money, a hobby doesn't. Now, just because it is something you are passionate about and that you love doing, you can love your work and get paid well for it. So you've probably heard me talking about this over and over again, but there needs to be a transaction, there needs to be an energy exchange. I mean, how has it felt for you maybe when somebody has done something for you and they don't want anything in return? Does it feel a little bit like I can't really fully receive this because I feel like I owe you? There needs to be an energy, an energy exchange, and whether that's um money, whether it's swapping, I mean, I don't tend to do swaps. I I think there should be a monetary exchange with the work you're doing. That's the point in money, that's why we invented it. But notice if giving feels a lot more comfortable for you, that says you are more comfortable in your masculine energy than in your feminine because it's easier to go out there and do something, receiving, on the other hand, being in that feminine is intangible. We don't know when things are coming, it's a lot harder to control. And hear how I say that. How many of you are women listening to this who have tried to be controlled? What is your relationship like with control? Do you want to control everything? Now that is also linked to what's going on in your nervous system. But how about we got used, we got used to receiving when people try and give something, we say thank you. I appreciate that, and maybe receiving does feel a little bit easier. Maybe you are getting clients coming through easily, but then you're creating chaos somewhere else in your life, or you're subconsciously pushing something away. Maybe when money comes in, you have to get rid of it straight away, or it doesn't feel safe to actually be with that money because subconsciously there'll be a part of you that believes that you have to work hard or you have to earn receiving something, that just you being alive isn't enough to be in receivership, which is why we will often over-justify and overwork and try and prove ourselves worthy when actually we are just fucking worthy as we are because we are alive, and this hasn't come out of nowhere, this isn't something that you are doing wrong.

Masking, Hyper-Independence, And Safety

SPEAKER_00 12:23

This is where growing up, being neurodivergent, and probably having not known until much, much later in your life, your nervous system learned that it wasn't safe to be you. So you had to learn to adapt and mask and ask who do I need to be in order to be acceptable right now? So you might have learnt to just to be a different person, to have a different mask for different situations, not to just show up as you knowing that that was enough. It was oh, I need to be the quiet good girl in this situation, and here I need to be the the rowdier funny one. But who is who is you deep down? And when you and when you've had to grow up like that, your nervous system, you naturally will learn to protect yourself. So by becoming hyper-aware, hyper-vigilant, hyper-independent, and hyper-sensitive, those things are not personality flaws, they are protective, adaptive strategies that your nervous system has had to learn just to survive. That has then given your subconscious a hell of a load of evidence that it's not safe to be you. It's not safe to depend, it's not safe to receive. So maybe receiving love depended on how well you behaved. Maybe receiving support depended on whether other people's needs were met first. Receiving praise depended on how well you performed, and it always had to be good. It wasn't just well done for doing your best, it was did were you the top? Were you the best? And when your nervous system and your subconscious learns that it's not safe to depend on somebody to want something, you become hyper-independent, you become hyper-vigilant, hyper-aware, hyper-sensitive.

The Subconscious Runs The Show

SPEAKER_00 14:27

Because 95% of your behaviors, your decisions, your emotional responses, your beliefs are run by your subconscious mind. 95%. So if you think you are in control, you're not. Your subconscious is playing the game, it's running your life. We have control of 5%. So how do we actually speak to that 95% that is controlling how you're behaving, the energy you're putting out, what people are feeling from you as well, the beliefs that you have. So if you believe that it's not safe, that no one's really there for you, that you have to work hard to receive anything, what do you think is gonna happen? You're gonna act that out continually. Your subconscious and your nervous system is gonna look for evidence to prove you right. Because our nervous system is always looking to save energy, it's looking backwards. What's happened in the past? Because that's probably what's gonna happen in the future. And if I can predict that, that's gonna make things safer and easier for me, which is why when change happens, everything goes, shit, oh god, what do I do with this? Because our nervous system sees that as it's unfamiliar, therefore, it's unsafe. So we will just continue acting out the same old, the same old, the same old. Now I mentioned at the beginning, I was that child who was like, but why? Why? Why? Why? I won't do anything unless I understand why, very rarely, anyway. Now that is part of my subconscious wanting evidence and understanding of what's going on. Now, if I said to you, just change your energy and you'll receive more money. You might go, Okay, yeah, but how do you do that? Um does it work? How do you know? And I could say, Well, just trust me. I've done this work, I have rewired my subconscious, I have rewired my nervous system. I did a lot of this work last year. It helped me manifest my dream car, it helped me get business class flights to Australia, helped me have two wonderful weddings. But notice what happens when I say that. Is there a part of you rolling your eyes and going, oh, yeah, but that's alright for you? You're just some coach on the internet. What about me? I don't have proof of that. How do I know that that would work? Because it can help hearing and seeing, if you see yourself in me and I'm sharing those examples, there might be a seed planted to go, mmm. Well, if that's possible for her, maybe it's possible for me. But if you start to get evidence that even the smallest things are coming to you, that receiving is safe, whatever you're want, whatever change you're wanting to make, if you're starting to see evidence of that, that is where you can quite quickly start to change things around. And if you also have a lot of evidence of being told to manage your ADHD, just you know, write a to-do list, just break it down into small steps and just do them one at a time. Just you know, put it in your diary and time block it out, just calm down and relax. If you've heard all of that shit before and you're like, doesn't work for me, I've tried it and it doesn't work. What do you then do? You build that evidence of I tried the thing and it doesn't work. So what do I need to do? Oh, maybe I've got some results before from pushing and working harder. So I'll do more of that because I know that works. There's your subconscious. Because those tools that people often suggest are very much that that top-of-brain cognitive approach is working with the 5%. And why work with 5% when you can work with the 95%? What's actually going on in the subconscious? You've got a hell of a better chance if you get into that subconscious and start to change things from there. But how do you get there?

The Compliment Practice That Shifts Everything

SPEAKER_00 18:48

So I've mentioned evidence, and there was a beautiful experience that we had on the weekend. So I was at the Big Retreat Festival and I did a talk on ADHD. It was called Learn to Regulate and Thrive. And I was talking to them a little bit about what I'm sharing now, about being open to receiving, what's going on in the nervous system, and we went into a bit more depth. But I guided them through a practice and I said, Turn to the person next to you and give them a compliment. And obviously, the room got very loud. Everyone turned to the person next to them, gave them a compliment, and then they came back and I said, put your hand up if when you heard that compliment, you didn't fully receive it. You brushed it away with a you know, maybe someone said, Oh, your hair looks nice, and you said, Oh, oh my god, yeah, I've not washed it in a few days, it was really frizzy, it's a mess at the moment. Or, oh like you're what you're wearing. Oh, yeah, yeah, well I got it cheap, and you know, it's like four years old, so it's you know, it's a hand me down, or um, how many people could not receive that compliment? They brushed it off, and nearly every hand in the room went up. So I then got them to do the practice again. And I said, this time, you however uncomfortable this might be, because this is your nervous system needing to build new evidence that it's safe to receive. And if you can't receive a compliment, how the hell are you gonna receive love, money, abundance, more energy, anything if you can't even receive a fucking compliment? So we did it again, and I said, This time, fully receive that compliment, and the person giving the compliment gives them a moment to receive that, and oh my god, I was on stage in front of about 200 people, and I was nearly in tears because the energy in that room and how that shifted. I remember watching a family, and the daughter there was probably in her 20s or 30s, and I saw her in tears with her dad in tears, and they gave each other this hug, and yeah, I'm going again now to be able to facilitate that kind of work and for people to have those experiences, it is it is beautiful. So next time someone gives you a compliment, receive it. Fully, fully receive it. I'm in tears now. The way that that room shifted, the tears that were happening, and I mean you probably know if you're listening, if you've listened to any of these podcasts before, I am quite openly a crier. Never used to be. I am now the amount. People that were in that room that I could see just felt so validated and so seen and in their full receiving, it was incredible. And if more of us sensitive, compassionate, neurodivergent people can go out into the world and not push away all the opportunities that come to us, we can actually say, Yeah, I'm gonna receive this. Because the example I gave at that talk was how many times have we given a gift to somebody that we love and we've thought about, oh you know, we've got Christmas coming up or their birthday, and I put a lot of effort into this and they're gonna love it, and I can't wait to see their face when they open this present. And we've given them the present. Imagine if they just threw it away or just went, oh, I don't deserve this, or they didn't open it. How would that how would that make us feel? I've put all this effort in, and you won't even look at it. So being able to receive is not only good for us, it's it's good for the person giving as well. We need giving and receiving to go on in in life. That's how energy is constantly flowing, it's how money is constantly flowing as well. It's never static. And for those people who were in the room, I say room, it wasn't a room, it was a tent and lots of lots of people outside the tent that couldn't get in because it was that packed. But those are the people that for those people that were there and they went through that experience, their nervous system now has evidence that it is safe to receive something. So next time maybe someone gives them a compliment, they will receive it. And another thing I said in the talk was about apologizing and saying sorry all the time. And it's interesting how the ripple effect works because this festival was reasonably sized, and I overheard somebody two days later talking in a queue and apologized for something, and then I saw her put her hand over her mouth and went, Oh no, I'm not saying sorry, I'm not apologizing anymore. And I don't know if she was at that talk, but it's those little ripple effects of I've heard to stop apologizing for just existing. Maybe I'm gonna share that with my friends who also maybe will catch themselves when they when someone bumps into them and they say sorry, like uh you bumped into me. Why am I apologizing to you? Just that initial like gut reaction of sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, that we are always doing sorry for existing, but the ripple effects of that go wide, and when somebody sees you not apologizing, fully receiving, it's giving them evidence as well that well, maybe if they can do it, I can do it. I mean, I stood up on this stage and I put a slide up and said, It's fucking awesome to be me. I am creative, I am kind, I'm compassionate, I am funny, I'm fun. I put all of this up there, and yeah, there's a little part of me going, who do you think you are doing that? But I also know there's probably a lot of people in that space going, fuck, oh my god, I wish I had the courage to stand up there and say, I'm fucking awesome. Because I I wouldn't change being a redovergent because it comes with so many beautiful things, it's part of who I am, and our nervous system is continually looking for evidence. So, what are we feeding it? And you know why that practice worked so well in that space on the weekend? Because I could feel the energy, I could feel the shift that happened when people went from just brushing off a compliment and it was just the same old energy, just being polite, and then the masks came off, and the the compliments were fully received. The energy in that room changed. There was a lot of emotion in there, and this is when change happens, is when we can get our body into a state of a heightened emotion, those memories get hardwired into our brains and our nervous system so much more powerfully than when there's no emotion. So if you can think of maybe an argument you've had with someone and you're like, oh, they really fucking pissed me off, but I can't remember what they said. But you remember how it felt, right? Or maybe you've had a moment where, like when my husband proposed to me when I um when I landed in Heathrow from Miami a few years ago, I can't remember what he said. I'm sure he said some lovely words. I can remember how incredible that felt and the love pouring out of me and him off I go again from that experience because we are wired to remember what felt emotional. It is our nervous system's way of saying that was a real heightened something. I'm either gonna go towards that or I'm gonna go away from that. So if you're somebody who's highly sensitive and feels a lot, me, I am definitely one of those people, if you feel big emotions, this is where subconscious rewiring and working with your nervous system is a hell of a lot more effective because you are highly sensitive. It's not a oh, you know, that's not gonna work because you're just too emotional. No, no. This is why a lot of the like CBT type practices, the you know, just write a list. That stuff doesn't work because we need to get into the body and we need to feel something in order to make change. So a couple of things for you to take away from this episode today is practice that compliment exercise with somebody. And don't tell them, first of all, that this is going to be a fully receiving compliment.

Emotion As The Shortcut To Change

SPEAKER_00 28:21

Just say your hair looks nice today, or I like what you're wearing, or I love your energy, you know, whatever it might be, just give them a compliment, see what happens, and then switch it, let them know what's going on, and then fully like allow both of you to fully receive that compliment and see what happens, see if something shifts, see if there's some more energy and emotion there. So everything I have spoken about in this episode is what I have based Rewire to Receive on. And Rewire to Receive is a 30-day practice to transform your relationship with wanting to receive more, more money, more energy, more desire, more without the shame attached to it. And it is also it's also been designed specifically if you're neurodivergent, because it is a series of meditations, but they are extremely powerful because you do them when your subconscious is already open. So you know I've already spoken about the 95% subconscious versus the 5%. Now, a lot of traditional meditations people with ADHD tend to struggle with. I do. I mean, I'm a qualified meditation teacher and I struggle to sit and be because my nervous system needs a bit of a fair bit of time to come down into that state. Now, when you are walking, you are more in that subconscious open state because you're moving your body. This might be why when you are out for a walk and you don't have headphones in, you're not listening to anything, you might be pinging with ideas.

Practical Takeaways And Rewire To Receive

SPEAKER_00 30:00

These are used for when you're going to sleep and when you are walking, because that is when your subconscious is most open. So as you're drifting off to sleep, your brain goes into a different wave state and it becomes more open to change. You speak straight to the subconscious instead of that analytical, yeah, but oh, I can't do blah blah blah. That kind of switches off. We go straight into the subconscious and we start to change those patterns. They go in as you're going off to sleep. There's another practice that will get you really fired up when you're out for a walk. And some of the clients that have gone through rewire to receive some of the things they share with me just cracks me up. That one of them, for example, should be walking around um poo-picking for her horse and just strutting around the field, listening to the walking meditation, just like I can do anything, I'm strutting around the field picking up shit. Because it gives you that boost, it's that fired up, yes, I can do this, I am worthy, I'm good enough. So here is where these practices are so powerful, have been designed to work specifically with your subconscious, they're designed to be repeated as well. So it the message is going in deeper and deeper and deeper each night, you're continually building that evidence, and you're not having to find a whole load of time to sit and meditate because I know you're busy, and that might feel a bit like oh, that's too difficult to do, so I'm not gonna do it. So these are designed to fit in around your your busy day, and at the moment, rewire to receive is 97 pounds. What you can gain from it, it I yeah, I'm crazy to be offering it at that price. What's come from it? People are getting new clients within a day or two of using it, they're getting new beautiful spaces to rent, they are literally finding money on the ground and not just like 5p or 10p. A lot of that has been happened as well. 10 pound notes are just being found. Clients are sleeping better, they are actually relaxing properly and getting into a deep restorative sleep. They're waking up feeling a lot more positive. And when you start to actually implement these practices and you're you start to see results, whether that is literally you've found 5p on the floor, like I will always pick money up if I see it, because I then say, Thank you, universe, thank you for putting money in my path, instead of going, Oh, I look scabby if I pick up a 5p off the floor. Thank you, thank you, universe. You're sending me something that is building more evidence that more money flows to you, more support, more love, more ease. Whatever it is you are wanting to receive more of, rewire to receive £97. You get lifetime access to it, it is extremely powerful. The link will be below, or you can always pop me a message on Instagram if you want to ask any more questions. But imagine the world if all of us wonderful, neurodivergent, highly sensitive, heart-led, passionate women could receive compliments, could receive more money, could receive more clients, could receive more love, could receive more, what would that look like in your life? And if you've got kids, they're watching you. And if you can never receive a compliment, what does that mean for them? Do they have to earn everything? Do they have to earn love? Do they have to work their asses off for anything? Or are you showing them because you are open to receiving, because you are enough as you are, they can see that in you as well. So I'm gonna leave you with that. Open yourself up to receiving. Receive this episode as a gift. Let me know what landed for you. Pop me a message on Instagram or leave a review, pop a comment beneath this episode as well. I would love to hear how this resonated. And I will see you in the next episode. Thank you so much for being here and listening to this episode. If something landed for you, I'd massively appreciate you leaving a five-star review or share this episode with someone who would really benefit from it. Your support helps this podcast reach more sensitive neurodivergent business owners who are ready to do things differently and increase your impact with more regulation, more ease, and less burnout. I appreciate you being here, and I'll see you in the next episode.