What a Sales Page Copy Audit Reveals—And How to Fix Yours

What if the most powerful copy for your sales page is already hidden in your own words—you just haven’t seen it yet?

In this episode of the Values-First Marketing Podcast, I’m taking you behind the scenes of a real sales page copy audit for executive coach Jacqueline Hawk and her Power of the Ask Academy. Jacqueline already had strong testimonials, a proven framework, and incredible client results—but her sales page wasn’t converting the way it should.

You’ll hear exactly how we uncovered what was falling flat, tightened her messaging, and built a values-aligned hero section that finally shows off the power of her work.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

• Where most sales pages lose conversions (and how to fix it fast)
• Why mirroring your client’s own language is the easiest copy upgrade you’ll ever make
• How to use voice of customer research to rewrite your headlines and hero section
• The balance between highlighting core values and showing tangible results
• A practical ChatGPT prompt you can use to surface your best client language

➡️ SHOW NOTES: Grab all the links and resources mentioned in this episode on the blog here! https://www.megankachigan.com/sales-page-copy-audit

Have a question about digital marketing, messaging, or copywriting? Get YOUR questions answered on the show! Submit here → https://forms.gle/9rPT7dtAKQCErzUg6

FREE RESOURCE: Copy not converting? Increase your conversion rate in 30-mins or less with my free Messaging & Positioning Audit.

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Transcript

Welcome to the values first Marketing podcast. I'm Megan Kachigan, and I help business owners like you stay in your zone of genius without making marketing feel like a full time job. On top of serving your clients, I'm sharing what's working now with simple content systems copy that elevates your thought leadership and messaging that makes your audience feel seen, not sold to I'm your trusted expert in turning your voice, values and vision into a sustainable marketing system that attracts aligned clients and grows your business in a way that's sustainable, unmistakable and irresistible, all without sacrificing your time, your voice or your peace, you're in the right place. Let's do this. 

What if the most powerful copy for your sales page is already hidden in your own words? You just haven't seen it yet. It is more common than you think. In today's episode, you will hear a behind the scenes audit of Jacqueline Hawk sales page for her power of the Ask Academy, Jacqueline already had strong testimonials, a proven framework and life changing results for her clients, seriously, amazing things they are saying about her and deservedly so. But

her page wasn't landing with the punch and the clarity that it needed to get the conversions that she wants and deserves. So as I walked through her her through the audit, we uncovered where the copy was maybe a little bit too fluffy, where the hero section was falling flat, and most importantly, how to mirror her client's values and results back to them so that the page actually converts. And that's the best part, is that, like, it's not you creating something or dreaming up a new thing, the answer is already right in front of you, and you just need to know where to look. And I give a great chat EP T prompt as well, so that you can very quickly and easily do this yourself. So by the end of this episode, you will see exactly how I take messy, overwhelming copy and tighten it into messaging that makes someone say, oh my gosh, yes, this is for me. Where do I sign up? And I promise you will walk away with practical shifts that you can apply to your own sales page. Right now, I'm going to first play for you some of the thoughts that Jackie had before and what she was really looking for going into this audit. Then we'll roll right into my actual audit that I sent to her. And if you're like, hey, I would actually love to actually see what you're talking about, instead of just the audio for this one, that link is in the blog, in the show notes, if you prefer just to watch the actual loom video that I sent her as well. And then after we do the audit, then we follow up with just her reactions, her big takeaways, what she is implementing moving forward. And my hope is that you guys will see yourself in this, because this is stuff that is not new. It is what I am telling people all the time. It is so applicable for business owners. And this is just a taste of what we do in copy clarity club. Every week, you send me whatever it is that you are working on, that you want to touch up, that you want to convert better, and we do an audit just like the one you're about to hear, so that you can very quickly and easily implement the changes that are specific to you that are personalized to your business. This is not a course, it is not another call on your calendar, but it is literally all asynchronous. You can fit it onto your schedule in your own time, and you simply submit to me whatever you're working on that week, I will submit back to you, either a loom video or either or just make comments directly on the Google Doc that you're working in tell you exactly what I think is great things that I would change. You just go the results that people are seeing right away are so insane and are so great. And one of the great benefits of this program that I did not expect is that the members are becoming better copywriters in themselves, because they now know what to look for by seeing how my brain thinks about their copy and about their messaging and about their business. So without further ado, let's dive into this audit. We're going to start with how Jackie was feeling before the audit, and I bet you are going to find yourself in a bunch of the things she's saying. Then we'll roll right into the actual audit itself, and then a conversation about how she feels afterwards and the changes that she makes. 

I'm Jacqueline Hawk, and I am an executive in communications coach, and my specialty is helping women ask for what they want clearly, confidently and convincingly so they feel supported, successful, fulfilled, healthy at work and even at home. Ultimately, I want my clients to shift out of burnout, frustration, disappointment, silence and even resentment, and into conversations that create real change in their lives and every aspect of their life, whether it's a raise, promotion, help at home, boundaries with family or leading high stakes conversations with clarity and influence so they can make them up. How do we do this? Well, through my power of the Ask framework, and it helps women do four things, clarify what they want, communicate it powerfully clear the mental blocks and limiting beliefs that sabotage them and cultivate support and buy in that they need. Who are my clients? Well, they range from private individuals, like a newly appointed CEO who's learning how to lead like a CEO, just in title a presence and belief groups. I've got a small group of chief operating officers and CFOs in venture capital. They are reclaiming their voice and their boundaries to be able to also make their mark without being loud. I go into companies like Salesforce, NASDAQ and Edwards life sciences, and I've spoken to all of their women globally about how to advance, stay at work and not burn out and sacrifice less. I work with teams like Google Ventures and duck por and drift where they want to work better together. And then I also work with female entrepreneurs and professional services like, you know, lawyers. I My background is actually delight. I help them build without burnout, stay true to their visions, get support they need to pursue their dreams and even just increase their sales. Within that, it's mostly working models, just like myself. And the point is that all of these women, they want to upgrade how they think that they speak, so they stop settling, because, yes, that's what a lot of us are doing, and they start shaping their lives and careers that they actually want. All right, what part of my message do I want audited? Please review the power of the Ask Academy sales page. And this is the online course version of what I've gone in to teach at the organizations, and I teach my clients to be able to be empowered in every conversation, to get what they want, to have a point of view, to feel confident. And I'd love on his feedback on this page makes sense. It's a compelling would you say I need this now? Or why not? Or is it too long to avoid you too fluffy? Please give it to me straight, because I know this framework works, and women say it's unlike anything they've ever learned, and it's life changing. They've even changed change people they say would never change. And whatever they've wanted to come to me for they get and then for their next task, they get it too, because they're prepared to, they know how. But I scrub struggle to describe it in a way on a page that captures the tangible results, like promotions, support success, and the deeper shifts like confidence, clarity, self worth. And it's that combination of the two that is what makes it transformative. Your next question, Do I have any data on how this works? Not really. Google Analytics is set up, but I don't know how to use it or interpret it, and I'd love your help with that feature. The big stuff, what feels unclear, inconsistent or frustrating, I feel like there's a way to save all of this with more punch and precision. Right now, the page feels for both and probably airy theory. I follow so many frameworks and it just it doesn't feel right anymore. I want to return what's simple. I want to return to what's neat. And if I flip this to what do I want to be clear on? I want to be able to say, like, Hey ladies, you're hiding from what you really want, right? It's it's not a confidence thing. It's deeper. It's a preparation thing. And if you're speaking up and not getting what you want, not heard because you're not clear convincing, and it's why you feel disappointed with that footwork over extended in step. And this framework is a step by step process to build your ideal conversation that gets a yes as well as that internal confidence and clear out those old beliefs that have stood in your way. It's super simple. The cool thing is, each of the four steps, it's actually the four major hurdles that we women face when trying to speak up, and ultimately, it's it's literally going to change every aspect of your life. Now, small soap box, I go crazy in the most loving way because I watch women avoid or fumble through conversations all day. It crushes with them when they don't feel heard or they don't get what they want, need or deserve, and then their dreams don't materialize and they settle, or they jump and jump and they're never fully happy. It doesn't have to be this way. They just need to learn how to have the conversations and feel that it's all possible. All right. Opposite box. Last question, what do I hope to gain clarity on what's missing, what's needed? So people, women, say this academy is exactly what I need, and that they enroll without second guessing or confusion. I want it to convert and I want women to feel more empowered,

convincing so that people will bother to even scroll down and see all this wonderful writing that she has on the sales page. So I'm going to focus my attention there. But before I do that, one note I had is for sales pages, typically, we do not want a navigation bar on there. We don't want on the bottom a footer there is links to her socials, Instagram and LinkedIn. We don't want any of that on a sales page. On a sales page. The only button that should be there should be the button to pay you. That's it. That is the only decision we want them to have to make. We don't want to get them distracted and think a freebie is going to solve it instead or learn more about you. You have that on the sales page. So we want them to focus. The only decision that you need to make is yes, and then buy this or No, I'm not, and the sales page is there to not convince them, but I would say just present the information in a compelling way so that they understand if this is for them and it's a natural next step, or if it's not, maybe it's not, and then you don't want a not right fit in your program. Okay, so now let's jump in and talk about this hero section. So I'm talking about specifically the pre header, the main headline, and then those, you know, two to three sentences below the main headline, that very first headline that you see again to make them want to scroll down and learn more. So what I'm noticing first is you have a duplicate pre header and headline on this page. So they're both saying power of the Ask Academy. Power of the Ask Academy. One's in small blueprint, and then the other is your main pink, big headline print. So we don't need that duplicate duplicate information, and especially not in prime real estate, which is this hero section right here. So typically, what I like to do for the pre header, that's maybe a small bit of text above that main headline, is to show call out exactly who you are talking to. So in your text, you say it's a four module course that teaches women how to understand but you are not talking just to women. You're just not talking to just any woman. The woman you are talking to is very specific, and we need to call them out so that they know, hey, oh my gosh, she understands me specifically. I am in the right place. So reading all the testimonials that Jacqueline sent me and who she has gotten the best results for she is not just talking to women, but more specifically, she's talking to working mothers who hold a C suite position and they value agency. They want to demonstrate more control of their choices, their voice, their future, so they don't feel reactive or stuck. They also value integrity and in honoring both their human needs and professional needs as well. So I want to call it very specifically, who they are, what they do and what they value, what they value, is going to be such a key piece and such a deeper like psychological connection to like, oh my gosh, this is my person. She really gets it. She believes that I believe, Oh my gosh, her story is my story, like instant besties, but like, this is my person, right? She gets me. So that is what we want to bring out. So I would put something more like that in that first, like pre header text, where it's the light blue on this page. Okay, so then I was also, I wrote something else for the pre header, I think it's too long, but just kind of brainstorming, and maybe that will bring up more ideas for you is you can say, for the woman who leads at work while raising children at home and puts everyone else's needs first, and then that would lead very nicely into a headline. Instead of just saying power of the active Academy because they don't know what that is yet or why they should care, or how it's going to benefit them, we can say it's time to finally ask for what you need and actually get it. So it implies the result there and what they're what they're going to have to do. It goes with your brand, with your theme, with all of those things. And then the hero text, I honestly to start with this. Since this is just a quick audit and I don't have your full brand messaging guide or anything like that, I copied and pasted all you have, like, 2520 25 beautiful, wonderful, awesome testimonials. So I just copied and pasted those into chatgpt. This is a great hack for anyone you all need to do this. Let's see. Where is it here. So I copied and pasted all of the testimonials, and I asked chatgpt to scroll into it here, because there's so many wonderful testimonials. I asked, What are the themes from these testimonials, and what do these women value? Because I want to say what they value and incorporate that, especially in that hero text and the key themes just give me like, okay, the copy in the sales page and especially the headlines down the rest of the sales page, need to be addressing these key themes, because, again, our happy clients can say it way better than we could ever say it. We want to reflect their language back to them to bring in more of those happy clients. So key themes were empowered, communication, clarity and structure, turning chaotic thoughts or swimming ideas into organized, actionable steps, self advocacy without the guilt all the moms are nodding their heads along with that one, confidence and ownership that was huge, that was a key outcome, both for themselves and in leading others more effectively, as well career advancements in emotional intelligence and inner work, and then freedom and fulfillment. So the undercurrent of like discovering what they actually want and then permission to build a life that actually honors it. And I love that chatgpt actually also, as I read through those themes, they pulled out quotes from the testimonials that like reinforced those ideas. So there's a connection. It's not just like spouting random stuff, okay? And then the list of what they value. And so I'm going to show you how I'm going to incorporate these in a minute here. So they value agency. I already talked about that, so I already incorporated that into what was it? The pre header of like, who they are and what they value. So they value agency, supportive, structure, integrity, growth without burnout, belonging and advocacy and transformation, not just tactics. So I picked two of those that I felt really addressed what the testimonials were talking about the most. So I talked about agency and integrity and incorporated those into that hero section, that very first pre header line that they're going to read, so that they know that this is exactly for them, okay. And then, based on that, I also asked it to write. I gave it a specific, very specific prompt to write, a pre header, compelling headline, hero, text, and I gave it a few more prompts beyond that, but so it gave me those, and then what I actually loved most was the hero text that it gave me focus on the benefits and results. So let me, let me read to you the before, and then I'm going to read to you the after, just from incorporating this testimonial language. Okay, so originally, what is on the sales page in this hero section, the first thing that you see is power of the Ask Academy, a self guided floor module course that teaches women how to understand what they want and how to ask for it to succeed at work and home without sacrificing their dreams or sanity. This course fits into busy schedules so you can gain skills and mindset to decrease your overwhelm, frustration and resentment, and dial in your dreams. And then the call to action button is, I want this. Okay, so that is what is there right now? And I don't love that, which says a self guided floor module course, is like the first thing is how we describe it, because people don't care about the what like, what it is yet, until we know why it matters and what results we can expect. So she has that information and lays out all the modules and all of the things later on in the sales page, which is where it should be. It should be a little bit further down in this prime real estate of you know, the very first thing you'd see we need to show people that this is, this is actually what they want, you know, if they fit the bill for this. So let's go to what can we say instead? So here is my suggestion. The power of the Ask is a step by step system trusted by executives, working moms and rising leaders to confidently communicate their needs, advocate for their worth and create real results without burning out or backing down. Whether you are asking for a raise in your role setting boundaries at home or leading a tough conversation at work, this framework helps you get clear, speak up and walk away with what you actually want, promotions, pay raises, role, redesigns, more time, support and sanity. No more over explaining, no more feeling guilty for wanting more. You get ownership opportunity and conversations that

Yes, right? Like that feels so much more powerful. And if you've met Jacqueline, and I have the pleasure of knowing her in person, she has a powerful presence. This sounds like more of who she is and the results that she gets people and leading by example than what the other one said. So I think what I read was actually a little bit too long, but again, I would rather give you a little bit more and have you, like, cut down what you need. Then be like, Oh, wait, this actually isn't enough. So we can, if we had more time, I would work on making that a little bit more concise and a little bit tighter. But that is the idea that we are going for here, that is getting you, you know, 80% of the way there. Okay. And then, since we are running out of time here, the other note I had made is, oh, this is so good. The four core modules are not bad here. It just feels maybe outdated, and because in the email that you sent me, you said, oh, I want to come back to this too. Okay. Oh, yes, this is so good. You told me that your four step power of the asked trademarked framework is 4c clarify what they want communicate. It powerfully clear the mental blocks and limiting beliefs that sabotage and cultivate the support and buy in that you need. So I would want to see so when currently you have Module One is clarify. Two is convince. Module Three upgrade beliefs. Four is deliver. So right now, that is not enough to make me want to read the little bottom sentence. You have learn to clarify what you want instead of live by what others want for you. So I would say, just replace this with what you wrote to me in this email. Clarify what they want, communicate it powerfully so on. I feel like that is so much more clear and powerful than what's written there. And so it's so funny. I see this all the time. Is when I talk to you, when I ask you these specific questions that brought out these answers from you. You already know. You already have the language. It's already within you, and now I'm just helping you structure it onto the sales page in a way that is going to make the most sense for your most ideal people. Okay, and so that reminded me of another thing again, you wrote it already directly in this email is here it is. So I asked you what feels unclear, inconsistent or frustrating about your website, email sequence, okay, so your sales page, what you're submitting, and you said, here's what I want to say. And you said this at the beginning, you're hiding from what you really want, and think it's just fear or confidence problem, but it's deeper, and if you are speaking up, you're not getting what you want because you're not clear or convincing. That's why you feel disappointed, resentful over extended or stuck. This four step framework is a step by step process to build your ideal conversation that gets a yes, feel truly hurt and step out of fear and guilt and into confidence and possibility. And then you go on to talk about like you're just like your passion for it doesn't have to be this way. And when I read these four bullet points of here's what I want to say, My immediate thought was, like, there's your headlines on your sales page like that. Is it? Those are so good? Because, I mean, it is so resonant. You're hiding from what you really want, and you think it's just fear or confidence problem, but it's deeper. I just can imagine all the wonderful moms in my life nodding their heads, of like, yeah, there is something that is instantly coming to mind for me where that is true. So I love that again, it is already within you. And now let's get it onto that sales page so it can be expressed to other people in a way that is going to make sense. I mean, like, oh my gosh, yes, this is it. This is me. This is exactly the thing that is going to get me where I want to go. Okay, so with that, I would say, keep your main focus. Let's just fix this hero section here, and that is going to make such a world of a difference, even if you change something else about the sales page, just that part could bring you a huge ROI by implementing what we talked about today.

Hey, girl, we have time on the 18th but since I just watched the video, I wanted to record for you and for me to remember when we chat, my raw response, and I'm so pleased, and I'm laughing at myself. I love the part of a gazillion notes here. I love the part it's yes I already know. And you have this ability to mirror back to me what comes out of my mouth and then figure out how to incorporate it. I chuckle too, because that's even a lot of what I do is coaching, is just listening to what people say, being able to extract, extract it, put it back in a way to say, how about this? Like, oh yeah. Like, I've just been listening to you so that. That was wonderful, all in all, and couple more things too. I was pleasantly surprised. I am pleasantly surprised that first phrase, it's not as bad as I thought it was when you went through and said, great testimonials, great brag bar, I know the person another feeling the video also connects. And it's strong, so relieved, so relieved. I've understood that. You know, sales pages sometimes need to be long to connect with people and doubtful people and all the things. And just wanted to make sure that it was contained enough to hit all of those points. When you honed in on the hero, I totally agree with you. 100% agree with you. And I chuckled that somehow I missed, that I had a duplicate power the ass in what you call pre hero. And then that night, so I can fix that. And I wrote a lot of other notes about what I can make it. Thank you. I'd love to know if I could get a copy of, I guess you call it a transcript to the chat GPT stuff, because I'd love to be able to look at it and noodle on it of which of that language I would want to use in in the hero. And then, yeah, that's mainly it, and anything else that needs to go through, because it is, it's it's working moms, it's their value. And what also really struck to me. It struck me as you were talking what they value and what chat GPT pulled out, I was like, oh, it's interesting that we you're pointing out and recommending that what I talk about on the site is a lot about what they value versus actually the results. And I guess that's maybe a question I have to you that we can talk about, which I think it would be great for your listeners too, because maybe that's this question of like, where and how do you focus on, what do people value to be able to connect with them, but how much do you also incorporate the results? Because they're like, Yeah, great. We resonate. You get my values, but I'm paying, you know, money for this, and what am I actually going to get from it? And how do those actually merge, meld, support each other, that a website does become clickable and convertible. The part I also loved when chat GPT had said, Here's what the hero should be. It had some of those, those stars, of what they actually get from it, as well as a life change. And that part had me really tear up, of like, you get it, and even just, you know, hearing your observation of me having a powerful presence, it feels really good. You know, thank you for that. I do this work. I I do this work, I hope women. And of course, then I still go through my own stuff a lot right around presence and confidence and too much, too little, and all the things. So I appreciate your reflection on that compliment. Thank you. Here we go. What also came through is some of the stuff that I think I've minimized is actually really powerful, how to ask for what you want and actually get it, full stop. And I need to just pull that up, because while it feels like a message that's been done a lot before it has, but nobody knows how to ask and actually get it. And that's where the framework maybe that's another piece I need to put in there. People can tell you how to ask, but you don't know how this is actually your how. Love the piece about the four core modules will totally replace it with what's in my email and not worry about, you know, being fantasy with boxes, because I'm also not a designer. Yeah, I just wanted to share this, you know, Rob, before we chat, and even have it for me to look at before we chat on the 18th let me know if there's anything else that I should think about or consider before we chat. This gives me a good amount of time to implement it. And if I could get that transfer, I would love that, because you said so many valuable things. I want to make sure make it in there. So for you, me, my audience, but also your audience, can see how it's translated. Would be really magical. This has been, I mean, this is like one piece, and this has been absolutely magical, like You are magic, Megan, and hopefully we'll see you soon.

You for tuning in to the values. First Marketing podcast. If you've been enjoying these episodes, I'd love it if you left a review on Apple podcasts, it helps more purpose driven business owners like you find this show and reminds me that this work is making a difference. And if you're ready to market your business in a way that feels aligned, sustainable and true to you, say hello on Instagram. At Megan catch again, then head over to my website. Megan catch again.com. For free resources and next steps to simplify your marketing and copywriting without sacrificing your authentic voice or too much of your time. I'll see you In the next episode.