Watch Sunsets With Me

Fear vs. Love: The Stories We Tell Ourselves

• Cori Taylor • Season 3 • Episode 32

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This week in our Summer Girl Chat Series, Sally and I are diving into one of the simplest yet most powerful questions we can ask ourselves:

Is this fear talking, or is this love?

So many of us move through our days carrying stress, overwhelm, self-doubt, and the feeling that we always need to be doing more. Without even realizing it, those thoughts can shape how we see ourselves, our bodies, our relationships, and our lives.

In this episode, we explore how small shifts like changing “I have to” to “I get to” can help us move from fear, control, and self-criticism into gratitude, compassion, and choice.

We also share a simple mirror practice that invites you to pause, look yourself in the eyes, and meet yourself with a little more kindness. Not to fix anything. Not to become someone new. Just to reconnect with yourself.

This conversation is a reminder that creating change doesn’t have to be complicated. Sometimes it starts with noticing the story you’re telling yourself and choosing a different one.

Think of this conversation as two friends  sitting on a porch at sunset,  honestly about life, motherhood, self-compassion, how to stop shrinking and enjoy life more. Thanks for being part of our girl chat.

💛 This week’s invitation:
What story have you been telling yourself that feels like it’s on repeat? Instead of judging it, simply notice it. Then ask yourself: Is this coming from fear, or is it coming from love? What might change if you chose a different story? 

Come connect with us over on IG.

Sally’s Instagram  https://www.instagram.com/happyripplescoaching?igsh=cnRuZnIwczdudzd3

Cori’s Instagram https://www.instagram.com/cori.taylor?igsh=MXRycGJnZnluZ3Nvag%3D%3D&utm_source=qr

Watch Sunsets With Me https://www.instagram.com/watch.sunsets.with.me?igsh=MWlsMDQ3b2s2ZW9wbg%3D%3D&utm_source=qr



SPEAKER_01

Hello, friends, and welcome back to Watch Sunsets with me.

SPEAKER_00

I'm Corey and I'm Sally.

SPEAKER_01

And this is our summer girl chat series. We are so excited to have all of you here listening and chatting with us, just like friends sitting down, just having a chat and getting to know each other. Let's recap what we talked about last week. Last week we talked about noting and tracking and just how it's like watching your life like a movie and noticing how you're responding, what's going on in your life. Is this actually how you want to respond, how you want to feel? It's a very foundational tool. So if you haven't listened to the episode, go back and listen to that one before you listen to this one because we're gonna dive into another tool that kind of piggybacks off that. And it's it's all about like fear versus love. So go ahead, Sally.

SPEAKER_00

So one of the things that um is so important to think about when we're when we're learning these little shifts, is that getting present and just being here in this moment instead of like fast forwarding to what I have to cook for dinner and what I'm gonna do next week and all of my to-do list. Um you can you can even probably feel that shift in your body, like like I'm here right now. Yes, how that feels, versus my to-do list. And you you get kind of that frantic feeling in your chest, right? So so getting present and and just being observant without judging yourself is is where we kind of want to be today. And when we can get there, um there are two main human emotions. We when we think about emotions, we think about you know, mad, sad, angry, happy, joyful, and and we think we can think of a whole bunch of words, right? But there are two main categories, and there is fear, which we can operate out of, and then there is love, which we can operate out of. And the perspective shift can be life-altering when you start mastering this, and not even master it, when you start practicing this, right?

SPEAKER_01

Yes, yes, yes. I agree. The and like you mentioned, you can feel the difference in your body of okay, here's my to-do list and here's this, and oh my gosh, oh my gosh. But then it's like when you take a moment to just like breathe and come back to just this moment, you could can create that space. So you can actually identify is this fear that I'm kind of like operating in, or is this love that I am like showing up in and choosing to be in?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, it's literally what people are talking about when they say stop and smell the roses. This is literally what we're talking about. So you could um stop and be like, Oh my gosh, that thorn just snagged my new jacket. What am I gonna do? I'm never gonna be able to afford another jacket like this. Of course, this happens to me. Or you can be like, that is the most beautiful rose I've ever seen. I'm gonna lean over and smell it.

SPEAKER_01

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Um, I also like thought about this the other day. Like, um, everybody considers kind of like a dandelion, like like a weed. But yes, we like it you can look at it as like, oh my gosh, look at these annoying weeds, or look at it, like, oh my goodness, you know, look at this beautiful flower blooming. And then you get to like make a wish on it, you know? It's like your perspective on things is everything, and it's going to bring into the rest of your day what's gonna kind of like show up for you. What are you focusing on is going to be what expands.

SPEAKER_00

Yes, exactly. So one of the things that I work on with my clients is this very simple shift, and it's um something that we say without even thinking about like um I have to take the dog for a walk. What if you shifted that to I get to take the dog for a walk?

SPEAKER_01

Yes.

SPEAKER_00

Do you see the difference? Just just in that one word shift, have to versus get to.

SPEAKER_01

Exactly. I don't think we realize that um, like our words are spells. Like like the word apricadabra literally means like what are you casting out there? Like, what are you putting out there? It's not like this like woo-woo thing. It's literally like what we are saying actually affects who we're being and the energy we operate in. So I love that shift in your word because that can go for anything of like, oh my goodness, I have to go do this workout, like this is so annoying, or I get to do this workout. And it kind of like opens up like that choice again that we talked about, your ability to choose of okay, I get to do this workout, and how do I want to like show up in it? Do I, you know?

SPEAKER_00

And and it just brings in that whole answer that everyone's heard like, you know, you should have a gratitude prep, write down what you're grateful for, be grateful or whatever. And sometimes it almost feels like one more thing to do, or just like, oh yeah, I know that I have it better than other people. Be in the ceiling, right? Yeah. So I think that when you can shift into that, I get yeah, when you can shift into it. Automatically that brings up like I'm grateful that I can, I'm grateful that I can walk, I'm grateful that I have this dog to walk, and he's so excited to go for a walk. And you know, it just brings up so many like if you just feel in your body, if you just close your eyes and feel not if you're driving, but if you just close your eyes and feel when you're like, I have to take the dog for a walk, and the energy that that brings, and then I get to take the dog for a walk. It's a beautiful day. I love my dog, I'll get some steps in. You know, it's just a totally different feeling in your body.

SPEAKER_01

Yes. Um, I it's crazy because we don't even realize that. Oh, if we just took a moment to be like, how is this feeling in my body? And shift that one little word of from I have to to I get to. And like you just said, notice how that feels. Like, take time to actually notice. It's not this long list of like, like you mentioned, and now we have to have a gratitude journal. It instantly can shift you in the moment into the energy of, oh, I get to. And it is actually a beautiful day. And I was feeling kind of like overwhelmed in stress, but I can allow myself because I get to go do this to have a moment to just notice the beauty. It's it's not this big, like, oh my gosh, thing. It's like literally in the moment, instant, like shift.

SPEAKER_00

Right. Totally. And so when we talk about um operating in fear, um we could we could come up with some examples of this that you are probably familiar with. Like um, like I have to lose weight, and then the rabbit hole that that goes down is people are gonna judge me. I don't look like I know what I'm doing at the gym, my clothes don't fit right, how am I ever gonna, you know, fix this? Versus like, you know what, I'm gonna go for a walk because I am grateful that I can and I love my body, and this is one little step that I can take to shift out of this feeling of uncomfortable, uncomfortability that I have into feeling like I accomplished something and took the first step.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Yes, totally, because I've been there in that space of like, oh my gosh, um, what are people gonna think of me? Like, am I like, oh my gosh, like I shouldn't go to the gym. I just but I hate my body and I don't know what to do. And just showing up in this total fear of just everything, but not even like being able to label it as like, oh, this is me showing up in a space of fear and control, as opposed to, okay, I get to go move my body, and it can be as simple as, like you said, I'm gonna go take a walk because I love my body and that's how I'm gonna nourish her today.

SPEAKER_00

Mm-hmm. Yep. So, like, if you think about some, um, if you if you divided a paper in half and put fear at the top of one column and love at the cut top of another column, you can come up with other um emotion words that fall into that category, right? It's not only when you feel afraid that you're operating in fear, it's when you feel angry, when you feel disgusted, when you feel um shame anxious, shame.

SPEAKER_01

Shame is a big one, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, a shame and guilt, yeah. And then when you think about love, it's like abundance and joy and bliss and gratitude, right?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, it's almost like one is depleting you, even though you're like you're trying to control it and be like, Okay, I hope this gives me what I want. One is actually nourishing you. So depletion versus nourishment. Yeah, it's kind of like what I felt like in my body when you're like listing those. It was like, oh my gosh, this is like my need to control out of fear. And this is oh, I get to nourish my body.

SPEAKER_00

And I get to make a choice out of love, right? Yeah, like control out of fear or choose out of love.

SPEAKER_01

And that's like we talk a lot about the nervous system. That's literally what nervous system regulation is, is bringing back your ability to choose, so you're not just operating in one way, which we're like as we grow up, we learn to operate just out of fear. Like you said, like fear of like, what are people gonna think? Fear if I go and do this, people are gonna think this, this. And so we stay in the loop of fear or guilt or shame or whatever it is, even though we want out of it because it feels so familiar, and we don't we don't know like what else to do. We're like, well, this is what society says. Like, I'm supposed to like look this way and I have to be this way in order to be seen worthy, as opposed to oh, I I get to, and I I can actually show up from love right now in this moment and not have to like keep looping in this. Yeah, and I think it's such yeah, yeah, go ahead. No, you go ahead.

SPEAKER_00

I feel like it's such a simple shift, not not easy, not easy, but a simple shift, like get to versus have to, um nourish instead of deplete, you know, um choose instead of control, right? And I think when we watch our words, and this is where that um watching yourself like you're in a movie and taking notes, right? Like when you watch your words, you may notice yourself having a lot of really negative self-talk out loud. I know I did. Yeah. And it was a little bit appalling because I'm like, I'm talking about myself this way in front of my children.

SPEAKER_01

Yes.

SPEAKER_00

And what example am I setting for them? And like right now, my children are 21 and 25, but I feel like it's still my responsibility to speak about myself the way I want to hear them speak about themselves.

SPEAKER_01

Exactly. It's that once again, we get to model what we want passed down to our kids. Like we don't have to, and it's not this like, oh my gosh, like we don't, once again, we don't want to loop this back into holy crap, what have like that's a lot.

SPEAKER_00

What have I done? Yeah. What have I done for my children? No, it's it's like uh Maya Angelou said, right? Um you do when you know better, you do better. Exactly. It's just starting now.

SPEAKER_01

It's starting now, and it's just knowing that taking just a little step is going to like do something, it's going to compile and it's going to mean something for you and for your kids. Like it's not like once again, it has to be this whole override your life. Like people out there are like telling you, you know, well, you have to do this and you have to do this, and it has to be this. And it's like, no, it gets to be so nourishing and not from this place of once again fear and control to where it starts to nourish you and your kids. Very simple.

SPEAKER_00

Right. And I think I think that's a good point. Like you said, you don't have to overhaul your life, right? Think about the phrase have to overhaul your life versus this simple shift in perspective can change your worldview.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. And that's what we want to help you guys do is that you don't have to stay caught in the loop that you can start changing your worldview and your inner landscape and your outer landscape. That we don't have to simple Yeah, just with simple changes.

SPEAKER_00

It's not something that you have to like, you know, take a, you know, a course and do homework and you know, add three hours to your day of journaling. And it's just like watch your words. Yeah. Literally watch your words, and where can you shift to and and also the side the side effect of this is more joy, right? Exactly. Um, you know, you're gonna have to do all this work, and you know, maybe you'll get something out of it. It's like you will feel more joyful. I can guarantee you'll feel more joyful when you can make these little simple shifts just in your words.

SPEAKER_01

I love that because that's what we're searching for is that feeling that it's going to give us. We we the outer stuff is beautiful, you know. You work out and you, you know, your body starts changing, but that inner shift of like you will feel more joy from these little things, and it's just getting curious, once again, like our last week's episode about noting and tracking. What story are you telling yourself? And that's it. Like, what story are you telling yourself? Is this fear or is this love? Is this depletion or is this nourishing? Is this control? Or is this, you know, opening up that space for you to add in what you're actually wanting?

SPEAKER_00

Right.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

It's so powerful. And once we start to shift these little things within ourselves, with our our relationship with ourselves, it just you know, seeps out into our relationships with other people. So instead of feeling like you're always having to control what your kids are doing, or you're having to control, you know, um your social media presence, or you're having to control um your persona at work, right? It becomes I don't have to, I can choose what feels nourishing to me.

SPEAKER_01

Yes. Yes. And like we said, it it will start to add more joy to your life. It might just be at first like a little moment where you notice, like, oh, oh, I chose differently here. Oh, I was telling myself a different story. Wow, this feels really good, but it will start compiling to where you start to feel it and notice it, the people around you start to feel it and notice it, and you're no longer trying to perform and control to allow those feelings to come in, they naturally flow to you.

SPEAKER_00

Right. And I feel like um, I think we talked a little bit last week about how in that in those grade school years when people start telling you you're weird and you start measuring your worth on am I fitting in or am I not fitting in? I feel like the adult version of that is allowing ourselves to have these choices. Like I can't I can act really professional but feel completely inauthentic to myself because I'm controlling the way I'm communicating, or I can choose to be myself.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. And like we mentioned, it's not like we're like, this will be easy, and like it's going to take, you know, consistency, but it's something very easy that you can start doing, not like we talked about. We don't want you to be like, cool, I need like an hour long split in my day to do this. No, you literally just start doing it like right now. Like, what are you thinking about yourself? What story are you telling yourself? Are you in the moment right now actually listening to us so you can feel it in your body? Are you like in your to-do list, like, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, I always have so much going on and so much clutter in my mind. Can you just be start taking notice of where, like, what story you're telling yourself, where your energy's going?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Yeah. The other little practical thing that I tell my clients to do is um I was at a conference one time and they had us just turn to each other and smile. And the or one of us smiled and the other one had to see what happened. And the science behind it is that if you smile and you look at another person smiling, the other person, their natural reaction is to mimic what's on your face. And so they smile too. So what I have people do is smile at themselves in the mirror.

SPEAKER_01

Yes, yes. I have my clients do that as well.

SPEAKER_00

Just take like take a deep breath, actually look at yourself in the eyes and just smile and see if it feels different in your body.

SPEAKER_01

Yes, because so many, me included, we're either one so busy rushing, trying to take care of everybody else that we don't even take a little moment to even look at ourselves in the eye and actually smile and like recognize who we are and how we're feeling, or two, we have so much of that shame and fear that looking at ourselves in the eye is almost terrifying.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. And did you ever notice when you started doing this that you're actually like grimacing at yourself? Yeah. Like looking at yourself with disgust. And it's like, well, of course I don't feel good about myself if that's how I'm looking at myself. Yeah. So so that's a little shift in perspective to like a self-loving gaze and smile versus like I'm judging everything about the way I look right now.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, it's can you for one moment, once again, not this like stand there for five minutes. No, take a deep breath. Maybe like close your eyes, take a deep breath, open your eyes, and look at yourself for a moment from your heart space, from your soul. Just for one moment, look at yourself from your heart, from that loving heart space, and look at yourself in the eyes and smile. And even if for a moment you're like, dang, I'm proud of you.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. And notice what words are are wanting to go through your head, right? Yes. And um that noting piece. The other thing I always tell people is if you wouldn't say those words to your best friend, don't say them to yourself.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Why, why are we so um we're so willing to be very forgiving and very like open and like, oh no, it's okay, you're doing the best you can to other people. But when it comes to ourselves, we're like our harshest critic. And we're with ourselves 24-7 when we should be very loving, you know, and like right, right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Like this is the only body that I get to live in. That's this is it. This is a lifelong relationship right here. Exactly. Like, I don't get to break up with this body, so I should probably learn to be friends.

SPEAKER_01

Yes, learn to be more kinder, learn to understand yourself so you can start being more kinder, more loving, and not just constantly in this fear place. But I think that would be a beautiful um practice for all our listeners to to try. And we would we want you guys to reach out to us and let us know how this goes. Let us know the thoughts that maybe come up. Like Sally said, notice the thoughts when you look at yourself in the mirror. Are you like, oh my gosh, you're ridiculous, you're so like, you know, like look at you, like no. Or are you able to like soften a little and be like, actually, like, hi. Even just being like, hi and smiling. Oh, hey, there you are. Hi. Yeah, welcome back.

SPEAKER_00

And right. And I can guarantee you that no matter how vicious the thoughts are that are going through your head, you're not alone.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, I can testify to that. I have been probably to where it's like, wow, I, you know, now I'm like, I can't believe that I would was saying those to myself, or that that was the story that I kept replaying, you know, coming out on the other side because there's hope um to come out of these loops. But it's just like you're not alone. Like, and we all like I still have days where I'm like, cool, this is what we're working with today. This, this is, this is this is how I'm looking today, you know, or this is, but it's like and I think that's normal.

SPEAKER_00

I think that's a normal part of being human. But I think like we're talking about, it's just like being aware that that's what you're saying. Like, I don't even think 90% of the time we realize that's the record that's playing on a loop in our head. So when we can realize it and lift the needle, right? Stop the record just for a minute and say, okay, so yes, I understand where you're coming from, and I'm not gonna talk that way to myself anymore.

SPEAKER_01

Yes. I think when we can start getting very like, okay, I understand where we're coming from. Maybe you don't feel 100% comfortable. In your body right now. But like you said, and I get to start playing a new tune. We don't have to keep playing the same tune if we don't like that tune. We literally can change the station.

SPEAKER_00

Right.

SPEAKER_01

And start being like, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Have the conversation you'd have with a friend. Like have the conversation that I would have with you. Like if you said, I feel really uncomfortable in my body today and I don't like the way it looks, I wouldn't be like, Yeah, you suck. Yeah. I'd be like, okay, so how can I help you?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

What can we do about it?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. I think that's kind of like we talked about last week with noting of like, oh, what do I actually need in this moment?

unknown

Yes.

SPEAKER_01

If we're like sitting there beating ourselves up, it's like, wait a second, what do I actually need in this moment? Like you said, when you're talking to a friend, what do they need in that moment? Not you to keep beating them up, for you to be like, oh, hey, like, yes, you might feel uncomfortable right now, but you're doing amazing. Like, even just that is going to shift from fear to love. That noting piece is going to shift from fear to love.

unknown

Right.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Definitely.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. So that's a practice we want you guys to try. We want to invite you guys to try is just the pausing. It could be first thing in the morning. I suggest first thing in the morning. Take that deep breath, open your eyes, and notice the story that's playing in your mind. Notice the thoughts you're having. And then, like Sally said, be like, okay, I noticed that. That's here. And I get to also look at myself from my heart and from love and just smile. You don't even have to say anything, just smile at yourself. And then you can go about your day. But that's going to create like a different way for you to start your day for how you start showing up.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

It's just that one little shift that can really just um get you on the path.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

That you want to be on. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. It's it's crazy because, like we said, we think it has to be this big thing. And when it's these little things like this, it almost is like, are you kidding me? Is this really no? Just try it out. Like, what is it's not gonna take any more time out of your day. Just try it out.

SPEAKER_00

We dare you.

SPEAKER_01

We do. This is a dare. This is a truther dare, and we picked dare, and it's we dare you to to give this a try.

SPEAKER_00

And then report that. And let us know how it goes.

SPEAKER_01

Yes. Please let us know because we have been there and we have not just in one moment, we've gone through different stages, which is why we're like here doing this series because we're like, oh my gosh, we we have felt that again of like we need to start tuning into ourselves and creating a space again to where we truly get to know who we are, so other women can get to know who they are. We've been there and we've been there multiple times.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, and just start building the community of people who are feeling this way so that we know we're not alone because that's the worst feeling of thinking I'm the only, you know, jerk who thinks this way, I'm the only person in this boat, and you're not.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

So we would love to hear from you.

SPEAKER_01

Yes, we want to. And I just want to kind of add how fear is notice how it feels in your body when it's like, like, how does like fear feel in your body? For me, it's very urgent. It's like hurry, it's like figure something out. It's like, oh my gosh, it's shut down. And then when it's like I pause and I'm like, how does love feel? It's very curious, it's very like from this space of just like, oh, I can breathe for a minute. It's not just like fear almost disguises itself as like protection, but not the protection we want.

unknown

Right.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, and I think that that's a great point. And I think that's what we can talk about in a in a future episode is just the way that our brain perceives fear and categorizes it, and maybe the physiology behind why our nervous system reacts to it the way it does.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, yes, we should totally dive into that. Okay, Sally, do you have anything else that you want to add um with fear versus love? Just any last thoughts?

SPEAKER_00

I think just try it and see how it goes. Just make one little shift. Um, the smile in the mirror, the get to versus have to, and just see if it starts changing your energy.

SPEAKER_01

Yes. Just pausing for that one little moment and taking that one little moment to just see if it changes your energy. And then I would just like to add, like, yeah, get curious with your words, as opposed to like I have to to I get to, and just get curious this week. Notice, like in our last episode, notice, track, and then ask yourself is this fear or is this love? That's all we want. And then notice just your words. I have to versus I get to. Yeah. Okay, this feels good. Yeah, yeah. All right, guys, thank you so much for tuning in to our Girl Chat Summer series. We are loving doing these, we are loving hearing from you guys. Like we said, please reach out. Let us know how this goes for you. Let us know how you're feeling after doing it. Let us know if you just need support too. Like Sally said, we want to build this community of women who are just there and who just supporting each other and loving each other and helping each other on this journey of life. So we're so thankful for just all of you. And thanks so much for watching Sunsets with us. Until next week, um, listen, share this episode with somebody that you think would also enjoy it. And just um, we're so proud of you and we love you guys, and have a beautiful, beautiful day.