What preachers wish elders knew about preachers

What happens when elders and preachers stop guessing about each other—and start talking honestly?

How can friendship between elders and preachers change the health of a church?

Why is constant, open feedback more valuable than an annual surprise list of problems during the yearly evaluation?

Could sharing both successes and struggles strengthen trust between shepherds and ministers?

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Transcript

069 What Preachers Wish Elders Knew About Preachers

• What happens when elders and preachers stop guessing about each other—and start talking honestly?
• How can friendship between elders and preachers change the health of a church?
• Why is constant, open feedback more valuable than an annual surprise list of problems during the yearly evaluation?
• Could sharing both successes and struggles strengthen trust between shepherds and ministers?

What Preachers Wish Elders Knew About Preachers

This was an assigned topic at a meeting of elders and preachers. Two other preachers answered this question. Three elders made a corresponding presentation about what they wanted preachers to know about elders. This was my response:

I don’t wish for elders to know anything about preachers. Preachers are as different as fingerprints. It can be a problem when someone thinks they know what preachers are like.

Such as:

• Preachers are lazy, irresponsible with money, and have bad children. 
• Or, preachers are always good, always wise, know all about the Bible, and know how to work with people.

When we put people into categories and say that all people in those categories have specific characteristics, we’re practicing prejudice — pre-judging without adequate information. I sat in a meeting one night when the church was considering repainting the interior of the building. As they were looking at bids, the elders were informed that the low bidder had previously been a preacher. Someone said, "Give the job to the next lowest bidder. You can’t trust anyone whose occupation begins with the letter P, such as a plumber, policeman, or preacher.” I don't wanna be in that category.

I’ve enjoyed and benefitted from getting to know shepherds where I’ve preached, being known as a fellow human being and a struggling Christian with strengths and weaknesses, hopes and fears.

Shepherds, some things I want in my relationship with you:

1. Friendship. I prefer to meet with each elder early in our relationship, outside of church, preferably beginning at their workplace with lunch following. I want to begin getting to know you as a person. I like to explore the possibility of having multiple relationships: Christian-Christian, friend-friend, elder-preacher, father-father, grandfather-grandfather. I find that I'm closest to an elder when we spend time in each other's homes, participate in mutual activities in the Lord’s work, share an understanding of confidentiality, and enjoy fun times together with each other and our families.
2. Current and constant evaluation. I wanna know where we stand in terms of expectations. What’m I doing right? What’m I doing wrong? What can I improve? I don’t wanna to be surprised at my annual evaluation with fourteen things I’ve done wrong in the last twelve months. I want the annual review to be an encouraging time of affirmation, reminding me of what I’ve done well. I wanna know your current expectations and disappointments. I wanna discuss, understand, adjust, and improve quickly. I know that disappointment can lead to irritation and a damaged relationship that’ll be difficult to repair. Let’s stay current. Elders, I want to discuss, understand, adjust, and improve quickly.
3. I’d like to schedule a regular time to share our journey. Everything isn’t perfect at my house, and I’d like to tell you that. From experience, I guess that everything isn’t perfect at your house. At other times, I’d like to share with you great things that are happening with me, my family, and my ministry. It’s my observation that those successes and failures’ll come out in conversations, classes, worship, and elders’ meetings. We can either talk it out or act it out. I like to participate with my shepherds so that we can “Rejoice with those that rejoice, and weep with those that weep.”
4. Appreciation. I appreciate you as a person and for the work you do as a shepherd. I’m committed to communicating that by verbal “thank yous”, written notes, and elder appreciation events. I want and need to know that I’m appreciated. I’ve tried preaching with and without appreciation. With encouragement has always worked better than without. Gratitude encourages me more than ignoring my efforts. I wanna participate with you as we stir up one another for love and good works.
5. Opportunity to be on the leadership team. I’m not an elder and don’t wanna serve in that role. However, I don’t wanna be a beggar who hears the “decision” without being involved in the give-and-take of the decision-making process. I don’t like to argue a case before the Supreme Court and then hear the outcome within a day or a week without an appeal. Let’s talk as co-laborers in the Lord’s work.
6. I wish I could tell you I don’t know what I’m doing. I wish you knew that I know that you don’t know what you’re doing. Working with people isn’t an exact science. I can’t push the right buttons and get the desired results. The process of gaining wisdom can come as we discuss what we don’t know and explore how we can proceed to do better as we learn.
7. Honesty. Please hold me accountable for doing what I say I’ll do. Please talk to me when you are considering me as the preacher at your congregation. If you say you’ll call at a specific time, call at that time, or let me know and reschedule. If you don’t have any new information, please call when you said you would and tell me you don’t have any new information. One of the most disappointing experiences I've had as a preacher was when I’s being considered for a congregation, only to have the elders and search committees frequently fail to follow up on their promises to call and update me on my progress.
8. I can work much better when I rest. I tend to overwork. The longer I stay in the same congregation, the more tasks I take on. I reach a point where the load becomes overwhelming. I feel helpless and hopeless. The only solution I see is to move and start all over. I work much better when I take time off. Please help me with that. At one congregation, each time I proposed an exciting idea to the elders for a new project, they responded with a standard comment: "We see you’re already busy. Your time’s filled with things you’re doing now. What're you gonna drop to pick up this new opportunity?”

The only way I’ve found for elders to know these things about me is to tell’em. This has been a scary journey for me. I wanna be liked. I want to please. There’ve been times when fear has caused me to be disliked and not to please others. I’ve tried it both ways.

Talking has worked better than not talking.

I'd like to hear your response to this episode.