Vaccine for the conflict virus — 2

This is the second in a series of two episodes on gossip and conflict. If you haven't heard episode 76, start there.

Have you ever wondered why gossip spreads so easily—and why it’s so hard to stop once it starts?

What if the key to ending conflict in your church, family, or workplace is as simple as refusing to add one more stick of wood to the fire?

Imagine what could happen if every believer took a personal stand to be vaccinated against the gossip virus—starting with you and me.

As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. There is no additional charge to you.

Fleecy Clouds: One Woman's Story of Surviving and Thriving After Childhood Abuse

When you find a "mustard seed," please share the address of this podcast with a friend: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2369804/episodes/17566838

Website for Braden Parsons Photography

Braden Parsons' email: bradencparsons@gmail.com

If you'd like to discuss your roofing needs, call Jerrie Wayne Barber, II, at 931.628.3390

This podcast is brought to you in conjunction with the Ministry League Network.

As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. There is no additional charge to you.

Fleecy Clouds: One Woman's Story of Surviving and Thriving After Childhood Abuse

Subscribe to my two blogs:

New Shepherds Orientation

Between Preachers

...

Transcript

077 Vaccination for conflict virus — 2

This is the second in a series of two episodes on gossip and conflict. If you haven't heard episode 76, start there.

Have you ever wondered why gossip spreads so easily—and why it’s so hard to stop once it starts? 

What if the key to ending conflict in your church, family, or workplace is as simple as refusing to add one more stick of wood to the fire? 

Imagine what could happen if every believer took a personal stand to be vaccinated against the gossip virus—starting with you and me.

Reasons People Gossip

It’s easy. It’s easier to talk about somebody than to talk to the person of concern.

Someone else could get the other person straightened out. Gossip is often an invitation for someone to talk to the person(s) who’s bothering me. If that person can fix it, I won’t have to.

It’s exciting. Watching another “get what’s coming to’em” gives people a rush. I may feel better when I can relate how someone else has done more wrong than I have, according to my accounting.

But it’s also a sin.

God said not to do it (Leviticus 19:16; Proverbs 26:20, 21). Mark 16:16 is red in my Bible. Jesus said it. I wanna to teach people how to be saved. Matthew 18:15-17 is red in my Bible. Jesus tells how to address those who have “missed the mark” with us. I’m to go to the person who sinned. If that doesn’t work, take one or two more. If that doesn’t change him or me, I should involve more people to help.

It helps no one. Everyone gets hurt.

Individuals, churches, businesses, and other groups can’t function well when people address their concerns to the wrong people. Gossip, talebearing, divides churches, alienates family members, and harms businesses.

How do you prevent gossip in yourself and discourage it in others?

Gossip and social media

Here’re some tests for what I communicate on Facebook, X (Twitter), TikTok, or Instagram.

1. Is it true? Ephesians 4:25

Sharing and "liking" posts on Facebook and other platforms without verifying the accuracy is dishonest — spreading gossip.

2. Is it kind? Ephesians 4:15

3. Is it necessary? Matthew 12:35-37

4. Are my motives right? 1 Corinthians 13:1-8

One of my biggest challenges is that love "does not rejoice in iniquity." I enjoy finding out that people who disagree with me have made big mistakes — at least that's what I've heard!

Do I wanna to alienate 50% of all who’re on this platform? Do I wanna offend them and never have an opportunity to talk with them about Jesus? 

Illustration

When I was 12, my best friend and I broke a window playing baseball. We  looked around to see If anyone had seen us. No one was in sight except my younger brother. We went over and offered him a piece of candy not to tell. He refused it.

"I'lI give you my baseball," I said.

"No."

"Then what about my baseball and my new glove?," my friend added.

"No!"

"Well, what do you want?"

" I wanna tell."

Although we know today that secrets are a telltale characteristic of dysfunctional families, we often protect and refuse to expose irresponsible whisperers. Thus many responsible people, by not facing up to the secrecy, participate in another kind of secrecy: secrecy about the secrecy. It's all very anxious behavior. - "How Your Church Family Works," Peter L. Steinke, page 90

I’ve found, in church after church where I’ve worked on an intervention to stop serious conflict, that people knew who was "carrying wood to the fire.”

It’s so well known that I made text expander snippets, shortcuts on my computer, to write the names of a few people who were carrying wood to the fire. It was generally known throughout the congregation who was stirring the pot. And yet, no one was doing anything about it.

If a situation is chronic, it's because everybody likes it the way it is more than what it would take to change it.

Dave Ramsey has a no-gossip policy in his business. Gossip is defined as discussing anything negative with someone who can’t help solve the problem. If a team member’s discovered gossiping, they receive one warning. After that, they’re fired. Yes, Dave’s fired people for gossiping and’ll do it again to keep it out of his company.

Rule of Thumb:

1. If you’re talking to someone who is neither part of the problem nor part of the solution, it’s probably gossip. 
2. If you’re motivated by love and restoration, and speaking to someone who can actually help, it isn’t gossip.
3. Acid test:  after we finish this conversation, what are we gonna to do to improve the situation?Rehearse and be prepared to ask and answer the question after talking and listening to less-than-complimentary comments about another person, “What are we going to do about the situation? When will we do it?”

Would you like to see the church you attend get vaccinated for protection against the gossip virus? Three steps:

1. Don’t gossip. 

Without wood, a fire goes out; without gossip, quarrelling stops. — Proverbs 26:20

1. Don’t listen to gossip. 

Without gossiping ears, there’d be no gossiping tongues. If a situation’s chronic, it is because everybody likes it the way it is more than what it would take to change it.

Bellsouth News, March 1977: 

IT TAKES TWO TO MAKE A SUCCESSFUL OBSCENE CALL

It can happen anytime. In mid-afternoon. Late at night. Even at the dinner table.

You pick up your ringing phone only to be verbally assaulted by a torrent of disgusting obscenities. And the sick mind that placed the call succeeds in sickening you.

Happily, there is something you can do about obscene phone calls. Something that will turn off a sick mind faster than anything else.

Simply hang up.

It takes two to make a successful obscene call. A caller and a listener. In effect, by hanging up, you immediately neutralize the obscene caller.

Law enforcement agencies, together with South Central Bell, are making these risky times for obscene callers. They risk not only their reputations, but a fine and jail sentence, as well.

Someday, obscene phone calls may be entirely eliminated, but until the time comes, the best way to deal with the obscene callers hang-up is to hang up.

And, to neutralize gossipers – don't listen to gossip.

1. Look for and use opportunities to say good, wholesome words that’ll build others up and benefit those who listen.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. — Ephesians 4:29

If we stop adding wood to the fire and start building with grace, the church can become a place where conversations bring life, not destruction.

Gossip thrives when courage dies—but where truth is spoken in love, healing begins.