How to fuss fair in the family 1

Are you damaging your marriage or family every time you argue — and don’t even realize it?

Have you ever said “nothing’s wrong” when something was very wrong… and it only made things worse?

Do your arguments end with understanding… or with hurt feelings that never really go away?

Could one simple change in the way you argue completely change the atmosphere in your home?

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Transcript

102 How to fuss fair in the family 1

In the previous episode, we talked about a harmful way to have a disagreement. I called it Sowing and reaping cuss words: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2369804/episodes/18868212

You might like to listen to prepare for this message on communication during conflict.

Consider these four questions:

1. Are you damaging your marriage or family every time you argue — and don’t even realize it?
2. Have you ever said “nothing’s wrong” when something was very wrong… and it only made things worse?
3. Do your arguments end with understanding… or with hurt feelings that never really go away?
4. Could one simple change in the way you argue completely change the atmosphere in your home?

Communication is an important key to good relationships. 

Communication is the transfer of thoughts and feelings from one person to another.

I read about a man who bought a castle in England. After the auction, the man who bought it prepared to move the castle to his property in America. After it was reconstructed, he had a castle warming.

As people toured, they asked the same question, “How'd you get this castle moved from England to America?”

He answered that it was easy. "I hired engineers to number every rock in the castle. We moved all the rocks here. We put all the rocks here in the same relationship to each other as they were in England. You are leaning against stone number 16,329."

To communicate, we have to express our thoughts and feelings to others.

For who knows a person's thoughts except the spirit of that person, which is in him? So also no one comprehends the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. — 1 Corinthians 2:11

You don't know what I'm thinking unless I tell you. I don't know what you're thinking unless you tell me.

Communication is the transfer of thoughts and feelings from my brain and heart to yours through words and actions — one thought at a time until what I’m thinking and feeling is reconstructed in your brain and heart.

Where there’s conflict and disagreement, communication guidelines are helpful.

Here are principles for having a good fuss with those we value and love.

1. Principal 1: Stop lying and start telling the truth.

Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. — Ephesians 4:25

Fear of disagreement often brings dishonesty. 

But God has a better way.

Open rebuke is better

Than love carefully concealed.

Faithful are the wounds of a friend,

But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful. — Proverbs 27:5, 6

After being married a short time, Tom’d crawl under the covers and mumble something about the way the bed’d been made. This hurt Joan’s feelings because she wanted so much to please that she'd get quiet. Dismayed and frustrated Thom’d try to find out what’s bothering her. Being afraid of a fight, Joan would lie by replying, “Nothing.”

The sequence occurred frequently. Sometimes Tom’d press her about her quietness, and her reply was, "Nothing's wrong, but there will be if you don't stop asking me!” This only intensified her lie.

My wife, Gail, was behind a woman checking out in the grocery store. Her little boy was back in the aisle playing with cans of vegetables. His mother told him, "Come on.”

He didn't move.

She repeated her command, "Come on, it's time for us to go." Still no response.

She increased her tone and volume, "If you don't come on, I'm gonna whip you right here in the store.”

The boy still didn't obey. She finally drug him out of the store.

Why didn't he come when she threatened to whip him? She’d probably lied to him before.

Dishonesty damages – often completely destroys communication.

Jesus has a better way.

Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil. — Matthew 5:37

2. Principle 2: Keep current.

Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil. — Ephesians 4:26, 27

Anger not dealt with is anger saved for future use.

There’s a tendency to save up irritation and unload it at one time on associates, spouses, children, and pets.

A man came home from work and saw a cake on the table with seven candles on it.

He asked, “Whose birthday is it?”

His wife answered, “The dress I have on! It’s been seven years since I’ve had a new dress.”

We need to deal with our anger each day.

So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. Come to terms quickly with your accuser while you are going with him to court, lest your accuser hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the guard, and you be put in prison. Truly, I say to you, you will never get out until you have paid the last penny. — Matthew 5:23-26

Listen again next week as we continue to coach each other on how to have a great family disagreement!