How to fuss fair in the family 2

Let’s be honest—every family fusses sometimes. 

But how we handle those moments can either build us up or tear us apart. 

In this second part of How to Fuss Fair in the Family, we’ll talk about staying kind when emotions run high, dealing with issues without attacking each other, and keeping the love flowing strong. 

If you’ve ever wondered how to “fight fair” and keep peace at home, this episode is one you’ll want to hear.

To listen to the beginning of this topic, How to fuss fair in the family 1, here’s the link:  https://www.buzzsprout.com/2369804/episodes/18921714

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Transcript

103 How to fuss fair in the family 2

This is the second in a two-part discussion on How to fuss fair in the family. To listen to the beginning of this topic, here’s the link:  https://www.buzzsprout.com/2369804/episodes/18921714

Let’s be honest—every family fusses sometimes. 

But how we handle those moments can either build us up or tear us apart. 

In this second part of How to Fuss Fair in the Family, we’ll talk about staying kind when emotions run high, dealing with issues without attacking each other, and keeping the love flowing strong. 

If you’ve ever wondered how to “fight fair” and keep peace at home, this episode is one you’ll want to hear.

3. Principle 3: Assault the issue, not the person.

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. — Ephesians 4:29, 30

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”

Do you know the Greek for that statement? — BALONEY!

I’ve heard husbands call their wives Dopey, Numbskull, and Hardhead.

I’ve listened as parents called their children mean, stupid, and worse.

We need to stick with the action, the issue, and not devalue the person.

But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment. And whoever says to his brother, “Raca!” shall be in danger of the council. But whoever says, “You fool!” shall be in danger of hell fire. — Matthew 5:21, 22

Have you been taught not to call people fools? Have you been taught not to say to a someone, Raca?

What does Raca mean?

Three synonyms: dumb, stupid, idiot.

Don’t assign labels to others that insult their mental or spiritual conditions and leave them hopeless if they accept your label.

I should not address others in terms that I wouldn’t like to be referred to.

4. Principle 4: Act, don’t react.

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. — Ephesians 4:31. 32

Many people admit they did wrong, but insist the other person did wrong first.

I need to realize I’m responsible for acting the right way, even when I’ve been hurt.

Noticed the text. Verse 31 contains reactions: bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, slander, and malice.

Verse 32 lists responsible actions: Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another.

God in love acted toward us, not reacted toward our sinful behavior.

A man and his friend were walking down the street one morning. The man stopped to buy a newspaper and was nice to the man who’d been rude to him.

His friend asked, "Does he always act that way?”

He replied, “Yes.”

The friend asked, "And why do you treat him nicely?”

The man answered, "I don't wanna give another person the power to tell me how to feel and act each day."

So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets. — Matthew 7:12

5. Principle 5: Keep the power flowing, include both positive and negative habits in your communication.

I’m not a mechanic, but I’ve noticed that a battery has positive and negative terminals. If either is corroded or broken, you have no power in the battery.

In our communication with each other, we need to be both positive and negative.

Verse 25.

Don’t: lie.

Do: tell the truth.

Verses 26, 27.

Don’t: sin, let the sun go down on your wrath, give place to the devil, 

Do: be angry — but, process it before you distribute it.

Verse 28.

Don’t: steal.

Do: labor, give to someone who needs.

Verse 29.

Don’t: use corrupt communication.

Do: speak what is good to the use of building up to give grace to those who hear.

Verses 30-32

Don’t: grieve the Holy Spirit.

Do: put away bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, evil speaking, malice. Be kind, tenderhearted, forgiving.

Having good relationships in the family is hard work.

A man told about an interesting visit he made. He said:

After calling on a new friend, I parked in her driveway for a few parting words. Noticing a stately evergreen tree in her yard, I told her it was one of the most beautiful trees I’d ever seen.

Some years ago, she told me, her marriage had been threatened by boredom and neglect. Her husband had just planted this young spruce. If the tree died, they agreed, they’d get a divorce, but if it grew, they would stay together. “You know,” she said, “we caught each other carrying water to that tree.”

All parties have to carry water to the tree.

I am 100% responsible for my communication to you.

You are 100% responsible for your communication to me.

100% plus 100% = 200%

That means you and I can fail half the time in our communication with each other and still have 100% communication.

Or, as Paul wrote in Romans 12:1:

If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with everyone.