The man who didn't tell my father

Sometimes the most lasting lessons come from moments that began in mischief. 

In this episode, Go to him alone: a childhood lesson in Matthew 18, I share a story from my early school days—one involving rocks, hubcaps, and an unexpected teacher. 

What started as innocent fun became a vivid reminder of how Jesus calls us to address wrongdoing with truth and compassion, one person at a time. 

It’s a simple story, but one that still echoes more than seventy years later.

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104 Go to him alone: a childhood lesson in Matthew 18

Sometimes the most lasting lessons come from moments that began in mischief. 

In this episode, Go to him alone: a childhood lesson in Matthew 18, I share a story from my early school days—one involving rocks, hubcaps, and an unexpected teacher. 

What started as innocent fun became a vivid reminder of how Jesus calls us to address wrongdoing with truth and compassion, one person at a time. 

It’s a simple story, but one that still echoes more than seventy years later.

I’s in the 6th grade of elementary school. When I arrived at the place where I waited for the school bus, theres new gravel on the shoulder of the road.

I thought how neat it’d be to throw a piece of gravel and hit the hubcaps on passing cars. I proceeded to enjoy my new sport.

The loud clank made an exciting noise as the cars passed. And I may have missed the hubcaps a time or two.

As one car passed and I connected, there was the screech of tires as it came to an abrupt halt.

Mr. Oliver Butts got out of the car and said, “Young man, don’t you ever do that again! If you do, I’ll tell your daddy, and he will tan your hide!”

That was the end of my rock-throwing game. I found other ways to amuse myself while waiting for the school bus.

I lived in fear for several days. I dreaded Daddy coming home from work every day. Mr. Butts was in the same line of work as my father, and they saw each other frequently. I’s concerned that he might tell my father. I’d be in serious trouble if he found out what I’s doing.

Weeks went by, and I began to feel more comfortable.

Mr. Butts did exactly what he said he’d do. He said if I ever did that again, he’d tell my father.

I didn’t ever do that again. 

He didn’t tell my father.

That’s what Jesus said to do when someone “misses the mark.”

Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. —Matthew 18:15

I sinned.

Mr. Butts told me my fault between me and him alone.

I heard him.

We no longer had that offense standing between us.

Observations from that encounter

• I didn’t think about the consequences of what I’s doing. I thought it’d be fun to hear the noise, and it was . . . for a short period of time.
• Why do people do what they do? We do what we do because we thought it’s the best thing to do at the time.

Every way of a man is right in his own eyes,

    but the Lord weighs the heart. — Proverbs 21:2

• What I’s doing wa’d good. I hadn’t thought of the possibility of “missing the mark” and hitting something other than the hubcap.
• Mr. Butts recognized the problem and addressed it quickly.
• He talked in language I could understand.
• He followed Jesus’ instruction of coming to me first to remedy the problem.
• He explained to me the consequences of not following his advice.
• I believed him. I’s thankful for the process he followed. He’d “gained his brother.”
• I’s in fear for several days because I had some doubt as to whether he would stop with doing what he said he’d do.
• As weeks and months progressed, I realized he meant what he said.
• I’ve been thankful for more than 70 years for his concern about me and the way he expressed it.
• I wish that I and others had the concern, urgency, simplicity of speech, dedication to doing the right thing, at the right time, in the right way, and doing what we said we’d do when someone in our life misses the mark with us.

Jesus doesn't call us to be informants. He calls us to be brothers. Let’s go to people we see sinning — alone. The loudest lessons can be whispered in private.