#10. My Ex Said This to Me

In this solo episode, Lisa reflects on the lasting impact of comments made by her ex-husband, particularly regarding her stress levels before traveling. She shares her journey of self-discovery through travel, highlighting how she overcame the negative narrative imposed by her ex. Lisa emphasizes the importance of reclaiming one's personal power and rewriting narratives that no longer serve us, encouraging listeners to reflect on their own experiences and the stories they carry from past relationships.

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Transcript

Hi everyone, Lisa here. Welcome back to Untying the Knot. I'm super excited to share this solo episode with you.

Just got back from an epic trip with the kids in Mexico for two weeks and then got epically sick for another two weeks. So I'm still getting out of it. You may hear that my voice is a little bit cracked.

Today want to talk about something that might hit home for many of you, those little comments our exes made that somehow stuck and shaped how we saw ourselves. You know the remarks I'm talking about, the small ones, seemingly unimportant, but they plant seeds in our mind and grow roots without us realizing it.

So my ex and I were married for more than 10 years. We traveled a lot, both in China and internationally.

Before every trip, my ex used to say to me, you always get so stressed before we travel.

For years, I remember this remark. And also, before he moved out in 2020, there was a couple of weeks that he was still living at home. He already made the decision. And in one of our conversations or several, he, for some reason, made this point again to me that, yeah, you get really stressed before.

we go on travel. And I don't know why he has to make that but.

Here is the wild part. In our marriage over 10 years, every single trip, whether it was just the two of us or once we had kids, and then sometimes we travel with his parents or my parents, I was the one who organized it all. Flights, accommodation, itinerary, travel documents, car seats, rental cars, everything.

I worked full time. We had a small business on the side that I was managing as well.

I took care of the kids and still made sure everybody else had a smooth trip. So it was a lot on me every time before we go on a trip and his only job for each trip was packing. And even then I had to ask if I asked him to pack a little bit early, he said, don't worry about it. We'll pack it tonight or tomorrow morning. Leave it to the last minute. So

Yeah, no wonder I was stressed because I was carrying all of the responsibilities. But instead of recognizing the weight I was under, he summed it up in one sentence, you're always stressed before we travel. And for the longest time, I believed that I was the problem, that my anxiety or

my tendency to get stressed before every trip. Fast forward to my post divorce life. My divorce happened in 2020 during COVID. I was also pregnant with our daughter and then had a new baby. So really as a single mom with full custody with two kids, I didn't travel.

until the biggest trip I took was last year. I went on a solo trip to Bali for a month, long yoga teacher training. It was really my dream trip and something I wanted to check off my to-do, to accomplish this. Same thing, I had to coordinate my business, my job, my kids routines and care,

Because I was the only parent, right? I full custody, sole custody with two young kids and zero support from my ex. So I had to make sure everything was lined up for the kids meals, school runs, extra curriculum activities, all of that. I asked for help and my community came together so that I can go on this trip. And guess what? And I had amazing time in Bali. Amazing time.

And even think about it, I'm getting a little bit emotional. I was so grounded.

I tried new foods, walked around local neighborhoods, just soaking in the culture. Had a lot of amazing conversation with the locals, but also people who participated in the retreat. I was me and I loved that version of me. Even then I caught myself thinking, well, you're not stressed because it's because I didn't have the kids with me. I didn't travel with the kids,

The old narrative with my ex was still echoing in the back of my mind, even though I had the most fabulous time. I was chill, was calm, was growing, I was glowing. There is this narrative, the saying is like, you will always get so stressed before you go on a trip or during a trip when we travel.

So I needed more evidence. Then two weeks ago, I took both my kids for the first time to Mexico for 10 days. This is the first time I traveled with both kids. And let me tell you.

We encountered a lot of challenges during the trip. You know, we landed at different terminals, then their grandparents had no idea. So we had to navigate that with my broken Spanish. The hotel we stayed in had no reception, so I had to sort it out on the spot. My daughter got earpain from the flight because it's the first time she took the flight.

we were doing groceries so I found a pharmacy, comfort her, finished grocery shopping and then the grocery store cashier. Anyways, long story short, we didn't get groceries in the end because there was some problem with the customer who were checking out before us and they were trying to use some coupon didn't work out half an hour.

took 30 minutes for them. Mexican efficiency. And then finally it's our turn. And then there was some issue. we don't know what were the issues. We're trying to figure out with them and they, nobody was speaking English. So literally we had to abandon our cart after 90 minutes shopping, my daughter crying. Anyways.

Some other things like I got charged three times by mistake by another grocery store and I had to go return and try to resolve the issue with zero zero English. And then when we booked our turtle snorkeling trip and it was so early, I dragged the kids up but then I got a message

from the guide that the trip was canceled because of the weather.

Well, no big deal because you just have to change swiftly. Whatever life throws at you. You get the picture. It was not smooth sailing and I was just using my 20 words in Spanish as well. I just started learning Spanish. But here's the thing. I navigated every single challenge calmly, resourcefully.

and joyfully, we had the best time. We laughed, we explored, we learned, we found hidden taco shops like the hole in the wall with zero tourists and locals helped us order. We tasted real Mexican food, we wandered around, we connected, we made memories and somewhere in the middle of that, I realized the old story, you're always stressed when you travel.

It's not true. It's simply not true. And it's not mine anymore. It was never mine. What came to me during this trip is a validation and evidence that I'm so damn resourceful and I'm fun to travel with. I'm open, I'm curious, I'm grounded, I'm full of life. You know, can strike a conversation with a...

Mexican who I don't even speak the language, but we chatted, on the beach and I figured out his daughter's name is also Isabella and we connected for a short, five minutes. And, that's the part of travel that really ignites me.

It's the realization that I love this is what I love to love travel. love experiencing cultures, tasting food, chatting with locals. And this is who I am. The stressful version is not me. And I can finally see that the simple sentence from my ex, it was his lens, his judgment and his narrative. And for too long, I

carry it like it's as if it's my own.

And I'm just so grateful that I did not let his narrative

impacted me in a way that I'm giving up travel because it something I truly truly truly truly love and

Yeah. And I'm my new narrative is I love traveling and so fun to travel with and I feel empowered by this new narrative. So now I want to ask you.

You see, these kind of things can have a profound impact on us, right?

What did your ex say about you that you've just accepted as a part of you, which is not true? What stories are you still carrying? That's from your ex that don't belong to you. And how can you shift that narrative? What new narratives do you want to create? Because it might seem small.

It's one sentence, it's one shift, but these are the moments that return us to ourselves. These are the moments where we reclaim our power and our truth.

We don't have to live under someone else's story. We don't. You get to rewrite your own. One trip, one moment, one realization at a time.

Thanks for listening. And if this resonate with you, I'd love to hear what narratives you're rewriting.

in your life.

Until next time, stay strong.