#16. Beyond Burnout: The Hidden Costs of Divorce and Single Parenting with Lyndsay Cormier

Summer is supposed to feel light and joyful, right?

But I’ll be honest: this summer has left me completely burned out.

Two kids.
Daily camp drop-offs and pickups (sometimes at two different locations). 
Travel. Birthday parties. Weekend beach trips.
And a calendar that never seems to pause.

What finally gave it away?

My temper.
I was snapping at my kids more than usual.
Constantly tired, always rushing and feeling ineffective in all areas. 

It reminded me of the old me.
That Lisa — during divorce and long after —  just kept pushing and producing.
“If I could just do more, everything would be okay.”

Cue my inner dialogue…

Ohhhhhhh, how much I wish I were right. 

Here’s what I’ve learned (the hard way):

You can’t hustle your way out of burnout.
You have to feel, pause, reset and learn to care for yourself before everything else falls apart.

So this month, I told the hardcore A-type Lisa:
“Lower your expectations… on Lisa.”
Yup, I talk to myself all the time.

August has been soul-nurturing so far:

• 🧘 A three-day silent meditation retreat at a monastery
• 🚶‍♀️ A 24-hour Truth Walking Women retreat with my coach Dave
• ☀️ A one-day yoga and meditation retreat with my spiritual teacher Mandy

Not to escape.
But to intentionally create space to listen within and come back to myself.
Because if I don’t…
I won’t be able to truly show up for my kids, my clients, or myself.

Yes, staying in burnout has a huge cost. 

That’s why this week on Untying the Knot, I invited Burnout Recovery Coach Lyndsay Cormier to talk about:

🔥 Beyond Burnout: The Hidden Costs of Divorce and Single Parenting

In this powerful conversation, we explore:

• What burnout really is
• Why does it often start during divorce and deepen in solo parenting
• What to do if you’re already burned out 

Whether you’re in the thick of divorce, raising kids alone, or quietly drowning under the weight of “doing it all,” this episode is for you.

Follow me for inspiration and tips on how to reinvent yourself through divorce:
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I'm here to support you to turn the chaos into clarity and create a life you love! 💪✨

Transcript

Lisa (00:00)
Hi everyone, we're in the middle of summer here and for me, this is the first year I have two kids at summer camp and this week is the week they're at different camps. So I have to do two drop offs and two pickups at different locations and last night I was so exhausted I realized ⁓ this is...

my single parent burnout and it is so real especially as I am the solo parent. That's why we have Lindsay Cormier here today to talk about burnout as we go through divorce as well as as a single parent. Welcome Lindsay!

Lyndsay Cormier (00:45)
Thank you for having me so much, Lisa. I'm excited to be here.

Lisa (00:48)
Awesome.

Lindsay is a Burnout Recovery Coach, a speaker and also she has her own podcast called From Burnout to Breakthrough. She helps women break free from burnout and rebuild their lives with clarity, faith and purpose. I really love the faith part because something it's really we're losing in modern society. Faith not about, you know, just about religion, but faith in general. And ⁓

Lyndsay Cormier (01:10)
Mm-hmm.

in general, absolutely.

Lisa (01:16)
and she's on this journey because of her personal burnout and we will hear about it. So let's dive into some basics, Lindsay. what exactly is burnout and how does it show up in our daily life?

Lyndsay Cormier (01:32)
Yeah, absolutely. I thank you for sharing your own personal story with where you're at right now, because often that's something that we don't even recognize. And we can get into that a little bit later. But let's start with the basics of like what burnout is versus just being like when you say tired or exhausted. so burnout is that state of emotional, physical and mental exhaustion. And that is generally caused by like the prolonged stress, especially when you feel like emotionally drained or

overwhelmed or too tired or just unable to meet those constant daily demands. And it differs from tiredness or just being emotionally overwhelmed or overwhelmed in a general view because it's more chronic. So it's more cumulative and it starts to affect your energy, your identity, your sense of motivation, your overall functionality. And it's like your body is running on empty, but you keep going.

And that's the state that leads into burnout versus just what tiredness is in our daily, like I said, daily demands or your daily tasks or the to-dos that you have to do no matter what, because they're non-negotiable, plus all the things you're adding on top. So when your body gets to that state of just like, you know you're running on empty or you're aware that you're exhausted or tired or pushed past that burnout state is when you have then entered.

I just shared this recently with someone that there's actually three major phases when it comes to burnout. It's the pre-burnout. So it's before burnout. And then maybe there was more like, I'm just tired from this or that. And then you enter burnout and then there's beyond burnout. My own personal story that is connected to my mission and what I do, I was in a state of beyond burnout. I was burnt out past getting myself the right help.

And so it's just also recognizing that so it can come up in our day, in our lives, in so many different avenues and ways and different speeds,

Lisa (03:27)
So other than just the feeling like I'm tired or exhausted and I love you talk about it's a prolonged stress. It's like coming in for a long time. It's not a one instance or a couple. also I know our body starts to feel that And so what are some symptoms that people can be alarmed like, wow, it's beyond just me.

Lyndsay Cormier (03:45)
Yeah.

Lisa (03:52)
complaining I'm tired.

Lyndsay Cormier (03:53)
absolutely. So some of this like common signs and symptoms are especially as parents. And I just did this with the podcast with someone who wanted me on talking about burnout and parenting alone. But something for parents, especially when you start to like snap at your children for no valid like reason or it's because of how you're currently feeling, it's one thing if

they did something they weren't supposed to do, or you've asked them a hundred times or something else, but you just find yourself snapping at your children or anyone. Maybe it's in your workplace, maybe it's in your relationship. And Lisa, with the work that you do and who you help and serve, it's something that happens in marriages and divorces all the time where we're just past that. We snap at our partner just because the sake of snapping, it seems like.

And so that's a big one that I like to cover a lot. It's just that initial snapping or overreacting or over responding to somebody when there's no rhyme or reason for it. And then another big one, often we find we're exhausted or we're tired So we think we need sleep or rest, which is great because yes you do. But then you wake up and you're more tired than you were when you even went to sleep, whether it was a power nap or a pick me up or a

⁓ your night's rest for the night in the day, you wake up feeling even more exhausted because the rest is now just becoming a coping mechanism in a way. So it's not restful rest because you're still not really getting to the root of why you feel this way. So often we think our body needs the rest, but often it just needs something else in that moment. Not to say sleep isn't good for you because I am pro sleep, but it's

the restful rest that your body needs, not just sleeping because you want to sleep away or numb the feelings that you have with the connection to burnout.

Lisa (05:43)
Mm-hmm. Yeah, so I can totally relate. ⁓

Lyndsay Cormier (05:46)
Those are two big ones.

I could do a list, but those are two big ones.

Lisa (05:50)
Yes, two big one is you're tired and you seem always to be on edge with people around you. You're easily triggered. And you are always reacting to life rather than responding with intention and thoughtfulness. You're just like quick, quick snap at other people. And sometimes you...

Lyndsay Cormier (06:12)
Yeah. Yeah. And of course we do

it to the ones that we are so close to us and we love so much because they're our safe space, but it doesn't make it right.

Lisa (06:20)
Yeah, but also sometimes we can be increasingly harsh on ourselves too. the more you you you're in that burnout state and the more you blame yourself and you're this vicious cycle. I see that too much in my own marital breakdown is this idea or this this feeling that you can't do life anymore. You just can't handle

Small things are big things and that's really the warning sign. And when you mentioned you were beyond burnout, I would say when people, even when they're contemplating, I stay or should I leave the marriage? Or if they're in the thick of it, they're usually in the beyond burnout stage because they have been ruminating or they are ruminating on ABCDE for a long time. So

Lyndsay Cormier (07:07)
Yes.

Lisa (07:08)
tell us about your own journey. can only imagine your own beyond burnout inspired you to be here. So what were you experiencing? and what helped you to move through that stage.

Lyndsay Cormier (07:20)
definitely. I've shared this story so many times that I'm getting really good at nutshelling it because it's a long story. it's funny that you mentioned as well, at least at the beginning with like the timing, like of summer and like running the kids camps and having this and that and vacation. And you know, you're just out of your regular routine right now. And that's what it was.

It's going to be 11 years next month that 11 years ago that I was in that state. But this was before I was married, before I had children. And I was working just like one too many jobs, traveling, commuting. Like I just did not stop. I was that Energizer bunny that never, never stopped. And I almost took pride in it thinking like it was.

an achievement to just to be that busy. I was chasing something, right? Just like we sometimes will now in our relationships or in our line of work and chasing that next thing. like I said, working one too many jobs and specifically working this one job to make a certain amount of money that I needed to make by my goal, which was secretly planning and

saving up for my elopement. so funny full circle is that it was near the end of summer. I was exhausted, right? I was able to identify some signs and symptoms of I'm tired. I asked for the next day off at work from my boss and I said like, need a day off. I hadn't had a day off And I just so badly wanted to sleep in my own bed that night.

and I was living out of my car, sleeping at places, sleeping at my secret fiance, now husband's place, and just all over the map. so I worked that shift at that job. I hopped in my car. It was late at night, but all I had in my mind was my own bed, my own bed. I had about an hour and 45 minutes to get home. And it's late. I was already tired. But again, my...

subconscious brain said home. And you know, if you're an experienced driver you perhaps can relate to being in a state of driving and being tired. And if you have experienced something like I've experienced before is like I've done like the whole like nod off, like freak yourself out and like, whoa, I'm operating a moving vehicle right now. Like that's scary. Well, I start to feel that.

So I took that as another sign. So I'm still seeing the signs. And long story short, I get off the highway, I take a break, I refresh myself, what I thought, I got a coffee, get back in the car. I'm like, okay, I'm good. I see my sign for my exit. So I know I only have two exits left at this point. And so I'm excited. And I think I feel fine in that moment. But the next thing that happened was that I woke up in the middle of my car rolling on the major highway.

And I didn't know, like I had fallen asleep and didn't know while driving and had myself rolling in the middle of the highway. And I remember waking up and saying, this is it. This is the end of my line. Like my time's up. There's no way I'm getting myself out of this situation. And I'm here to tell the story.

Lisa (10:16)
my god.

Lyndsay Cormier (10:26)
So there's so much more that happened after that enduring and in between and before and after. But like I said, we'd be here all day. The point is, is that that was my wake up call. I might not have been going through a divorce. I may not have been experiencing a health scare. I may not have been a parent yet, but I was working and that was my wake up call. Work was my focus and I wasn't doing anything for me. And at a young age, right? I was 25 when that happened to me and

It's just crazy when I look back because it's still such a huge part of me and that's what is the foundation of what I do is because that moment changed my life. It changed how I viewed things. it was that wake up call and that's where I really reconnect with my faith journey to be like, your time is not up and you have work to do, but it has to be the right work. The work I was doing then, I was just working for that dollar sign. I wasn't working for my.

Lisa (11:20)
Mm-hmm.

Lyndsay Cormier (11:20)
purpose. And so it changed everything for me. And that has been the leading thing that has led me to what I do now. But at the same time, I had to heal through a lot of different things. Like a lot happened from that experience on all angles. but I knew right away deep in my core what I was going to do with that story and really change that pain in my life into my purpose.

And it is the driving force quite literally to everything that I do now and how I help people in just recognizing and realizing that one, burnout is real. And two, every human being experiences at some point in your life, just because I've overcome it and I've lived it doesn't mean I don't still experience it, because I do. But I am more readily ready to take on whatever comes at me because I have the tools and resources at my fingertips.

And that is just where my mission lays with helping people because I know that if my story that I just shared could save someone's life, then I'm doing something right. burnout almost cost me my whole entire life. So if I could help one person, 10 people, 100 people, 1,000 people see that is something that just happens in our life, especially in a busy world that we live in now.

and just take ownership and admit that that's how you're feeling and then go get the appropriate help, you could have more time here on Earthside.

Lisa (12:40)
Yeah, thank you for sharing that. It's just this really this deep awakening call at such a young age. What a gift. You know, we don't always go through our fire. I mean, you just went through a fire divorce is a fire sickness is a fire you just went through a fire at such a young age with that kind of awakening.

Lyndsay Cormier (12:47)
Yeah, totally.

Lisa (12:57)
So many similarities even though you were not married and have children, when you go through a divorce, even contemplating that it's really starting to noticing the signs your body is sending to you. Are you willing to listen?

Lyndsay Cormier (13:14)
Yeah, because it's the same when you're,

yeah, and it's the same when you are married and it's the same when like, I am so happily married, but we've gone through our stuff and the things that I have learned and like I've gone through burnout marriage and like burnout in my marriage, but we've recovered from it. And that's just it. But divorce, like I can't speak from experience, but I can speak for the clients or close people to me that have experienced or gone through a divorce and how I've been able to help them.

Lisa (13:29)
Mm-hmm.

Lyndsay Cormier (13:41)
through the lens of burnout because it is such a heavy emotional taxing grieving thing that people go through.

Lisa (13:50)
And another thing I think is very important. Our world is not slowing down at any speed. So hustle culture is still dominating our culture, right? We're still wearing that badge by working, 16 hours or whatever. think we're at a time to shift that kind of energy and that kind of belief system as well, because we collectively as a society have been paying,

Lyndsay Cormier (14:10)
100%.

Lisa (14:13)
A huge price for that. And another thing you just talking about this chasing energy. I just wrote it down. I wanted to pinpoint is when we're in that chasing energy, it's the anxious energy, right? It's like, ⁓ it's we are in survival mode because we fear something is going to come at us. And it shows up in whether you're happily married or

Lyndsay Cormier (14:15)
Yes.

Mm-hmm.

Lisa (14:37)
Maybe you're going through a rough patch or you're going through a divorce somehow the chasing energy is still there We're still chasing for the other side to acknowledge us and tell us you're right. You're valid You're loved so until we let go that chasing energy and shift that energy you're likely gonna stuck in Marital burnout or divorce burnout or single parenting burnout. So very important.

we talked about what is burnout, And some signs we might be missing. What are some misconceptions about burnout? Maybe some people say, you know what, I'm just tired. It's nothing, not a big deal. What else?

Lyndsay Cormier (15:04)
Yeah, very good point.

Yeah. You know, it makes me think right away of the biggest misconception that I quite literally lived. And in my story, when I was before the accident, I literally would say, I'll just sleep when I'm dead until sleeping almost killed me. Right? I feel like if I've said it, others have said it. We're like, I'll just sleep when I'm dead or sleep, which like is

Lisa (15:36)
Yeah.

Lyndsay Cormier (15:43)
a terrible thing to say. And then quite literally, the sleeping almost killed me. But some bigger misconceptions about burnout, number one, also being that burnout only happens to people who can't handle the stress. That's not true. Just to say that I'm experiencing burnout now does not mean that you don't.

Lisa (15:56)
Mmm.

Lyndsay Cormier (16:02)
manage your stress well or that you're weak, it just means that something has to shift. And that goes into another one as well, is that the whole concept of, that it's just laziness is another common misconception tossed around. or you're just not trying hard enough can be a misconception, right? that's why as who I am and who I stand for,

Lisa (16:04)
Yeah. Yeah.

Mmmmm

Lyndsay Cormier (16:24)
Sometimes it's really hard to separate my personal and professional demeanors when I'm speaking to people because instantly when like a stranger on the street or a close friend will say like, I just feel like one of those misconceptions, right? Like that I just can't handle this right now. Like I feel lazy or a couple other ones I'll talk about. I have to really like hold back and be like, what hat do I have on right now? Because I could really help you through this because I want to.

And that's just a big one I hear often from people. Another big one actually for high achievers, often they often overlook emotional exhaustion and lack of joy and like the slow erosion of their boundaries. And boundaries will burn you out, quite literally if they're not aligned with what you have going on in life.

Some people just don't even have boundaries period. That's the biggest thing that used to get me into trouble. And the other really big one is that people often think that taking a vacation is going to fix everything. Guilty. But if the root causes aren't addressed before the vacation, during the vacation, after the vacation, at some point burnout will still creep back in. Might just take a little bit. How many people come back from a vacation and say they need a vacation from their vacation? And I'm like,

Lisa (17:25)
Mmm.

Mm-hmm.

Another

thing.

Lyndsay Cormier (17:42)
How do you

vacation is my question, because I don't know about you. Guilty used to be that person in my younger years, but now a vacation is strategically scheduled so that I come home feeling renewed and revived.

Lisa (17:45)
Yeah. Yeah.

I love that. think overall is our lack of ability to stay in the now. And really cause the burnout because we feel like we should be multitasking.

that shows we're efficient. And when we are not, we feel we are lesser, we are weaker, we are not enough. So we're still kind of wearing that badge like you did at the age of 25. It's like, oh my God, I'm putting in 16 hours, right? And society praises that. And that's defined as success until you, yeah, like get sick or get a divorce. And it's like, awakening call It's like, oh my God.

Lyndsay Cormier (18:32)
So.

Lisa (18:36)
What success have I been chasing is the idea. Right. And I see that in my kids too, even on vacation, they would ask me, so how many days do we have left? no, just stay in the now enjoying what you're doing. ⁓

Lyndsay Cormier (18:37)
All right.

Yeah, 100%. Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, and you know,

that you say that to on parents just as a parent yourself and then especially people that you would help Lisa assuming that most or many could be parents as well. Like you said, like we have to role model that for our children because they're watching how we operate. And that has been one of my biggest goals in life in oaths has just been like, I am going to teach my son from a very young age.

Implement slowing down, implement taking breaks, learning when to say no when it doesn't feel right for you. All the things that I help with my clients with, I pull into my child because I don't want him to wait till he's an adult and unlearn and relearn when I can just teach him that now. And as parents, it's just something that we need to remember that if we aren't taking care of ourselves first and we're gonna end up experienced burnout, then we have to remember who we are leading in this life.

Lisa (19:42)
Yeah,

Lyndsay Cormier (19:43)
and the generation to come.

Lisa (19:43)
absolutely. I think that's a hard sell, especially for parents and going through and divorce. And I always tell them the order you take care of yourself, this is a harder sell is like, first of all, yourself first, right? Second, your kids and then the people around you, including your ex and other people. So and another thing I noticed when people going through a divorce is our lack of ability and myself included to even admit that

Lyndsay Cormier (19:48)
100%.

Lisa (20:08)
I need help. can't, I can't do life anymore. So people always say, if I don't do ABCDE, I will break down. When they come to me, I ask them, you don't think you're in breakdown mode already. Cause I see every part of you is breaking down and here you are. say, when I break down, no, you're in there.

Lyndsay Cormier (20:09)
Yeah.

Lisa (20:30)
right now so let's just acknowledge that

Lyndsay Cormier (20:32)
Yes, exactly. And I love what you say that too, because even if they are in the breakdown right now, which 100 % could be the case, and you've seen it, the other thing to note is that, and this is part of my story, is that you don't want to wait until you have a breakdown or a wake up call like I did or a light bulb moment. they're great to have, but you

The goal is that you're not waiting till that happens. I mean, if you're already saying like when it happens and you're already in it, that may mean you're beyond burnout, but we don't wait until the rock bottom to do something about it. We do it now so that we either don't get there or we don't get there as severely or bad as it could have been if we didn't address it. And like you said, the word acknowledging it, and that's a big thing that I speak on too, right? It's just acknowledging it.

Like be honest with yourself that this is happening. It's a normal thing. It doesn't make you any more in you who make humane or weird than anyone else on this planet because every single walking human being on earth will experience it.

Lisa (21:45)
Yeah. And another part, you talk about high achiever and people who really strive for success I mean, myself included, the A type is like, I push myself, I push more when I can't push more, I push more because if I do more, I will achieve more. That's the underlying belief. it shows up at my work.

Lyndsay Cormier (21:55)
Been there.

Lisa (22:06)
and in my parenting and in my marriage as well. Even at a point of burning myself literally out and my solution, my go-to strategy is to do even more. talking about that, how does burnout show up in divorce?

Lyndsay Cormier (22:24)
Yeah. So I can't speak from the experience of being divorced specifically, but between helping and working with clients who have experienced it, as well as being a child growing up in a divorced home, I can remember in that sense, seeing what my parents went through.

and my mom especially. But I also want to highlight a quick personal story as an example where those going through a divorce or clients that you might also work with, that also maybe didn't reach the full marriage, but they were proposed or in a long-term relationship, right? But specifically thinking about my very best friend, she was engaged to

Lisa (22:44)
Mm.

Lyndsay Cormier (23:07)
this person she was supposed to marry and it all came crashing down on her and really fast and out of nowhere. And I watched her this last 15 months walk through a life-changing altering moment of it. And it makes me really think of a lot of people who do that in divorce. so how it can show up in a divorce,

The constant decision making that you have to do in something like that is massive. And that just screams fatigue. It screams emotional depletion from the legal side to the financial side, parents, if you have children involved, to the separating of things. that just talking about it makes me tired because it's heavy, right? The overwhelm for change, the constant unknown of

Lisa (23:45)
Yep.

Lyndsay Cormier (23:51)
how things are going to change with the housing, with the routines, with the roles, with your own personal identity, which is like a whole other department. But those changes are draining and exhausting and unpredictable and sometimes constantly change. Think of the divorced parents who have children and

schedules with children and routines and time with them I'm sure you know from your own personal experience probably how well that the overwhelm of change does to your body and that often will lead to things like sleep interruptions and heightened anxiety that that feeling of like hopelessness sometimes because things are so painful and uncertain and that just cries for hopelessness which

is a really deep feeling for people to experience. And then many people in that experience are also in a survival mode. Like they're suppressing grief and running on adrenaline at the same time. And those two together just will make you spin. And what I want to end on with this, with how it can be seen, when I mentioned grief, it's often people, like it's, you're grieving the living.

You're grieving someone that you oath to and exchanged wedding vows with and promised a life together, no matter what your circumstance and reasoning is for divorcing, it's still going to be a loss, which is a grief. And you're grieving someone that's still alive, that you're going to have encounterings with until final arrangements are done. But if there's children, chances are you're going to see them on an ongoing basis.

So that can be the prolonged grieving in burnout that often people are like, what did you just say? I didn't even know that thing that existed when it comes to grieving alone. So you add grieving and divorce and burnout. That is a recipe for a rock bottom.

Lisa (25:32)
Hmm.

Yeah, absolutely. You just covered a lot. cause this so complicated, there's so many aspects. It's just not one thing. It's not like, how do you do child support or spousal support? How do you do parenting plan? we have to really use a holistic approach and to look at you.

Lyndsay Cormier (25:54)
Good night.

100%.

Lisa (26:02)
as a human, right? So we look at the logistic and legal side of things. A huge important thing is regulate your nervous system. so you can be in the calm and collective place. And relatively speaking, you won't get there right away because it's an overwhelming change. But also most importantly is look at your identity.

Right. So now this new person really without that marriage and that partner or husband or wife title, right? What matters most important to you and then anchoring your decision from that place. It's really what's missing in common approaches of how we divorce because we're so focused on the, legal side of things. But that's the last piece. When you know who you are,

The strategy will follow and decision making will come with ease. So I just want to say that. You talked about grief What's the link between grief and burnout?

Lyndsay Cormier (26:48)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Lisa (26:54)
Can we say

grief causes burnout is like a cause effect and what's the link?

Lyndsay Cormier (27:00)
Yeah, I recently covered a topic on this too. So I love the synchronizing. Grieving can definitely cause burnout. And there's a huge link between the two. You're often emotionally carrying a loss already and navigating the fallout, right?

you're grieving someone that you're losing on top of all the other practical things that you even mentioned too, Lisa. And so that's like a huge, you could almost jump right to a phase in burnout just from grieving someone or something and just knowing how emotionally taxing and that leads to the burnout process on its own. And then the nervous system is

always stuck between the flight, fight, and freeze. Right? And so especially when the grieve is prolonged. So if it's like a prolonged process, which most divorces are, right? And any type of separation or minimized. Because if it's like a done deal, moved on, right, like, whoa, that will hit you with a different type of wave, but still lead you into that emotional labor of grieving.

And that just sucks so much out of you emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually, especially again, that whole like identity piece for who you are and then who you're gonna be becoming, right? Cause that's the route that you have to rebuild and ⁓ regain. But those links grieving and between a divorce and leading into burnout is probably going to happen to most.

situations, just given everything that is involved at the end of the day, losing someone, unless it was a completely different situation where it needed to happen,

Lisa (28:38)
Mm.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, I think just even awareness that you're grieving during a divorce is a huge help because when we are grieving, our mind really goes to a lot of past.

Lyndsay Cormier (28:55)
Right. Admitting it, right? Yeah.

Lisa (29:02)
How could I have done differently to prevent this? And how did we get there? You're a lot of rumination there. While you have in front of you so many decisions, like you said, you're so overwhelmed to make because there are a lot of logistic pieces we have to hit. And that logistic piece is really tied with your past, your identity in this marriage. if we don't let go or even look at that, it's kind of hard to move forward without that stress. And another part that I think

Grieving is you're also grieving the vision of a life you had with regards to this family, right? Your role as a wife or partner or husband. So then we're just perpetuating like we are moving back and forth in past, future, past, future. we can't really look at what's in front of us right now. So you feel exhausted because your mind

Lyndsay Cormier (29:35)
100%.

Lisa (29:51)
even when you're sleeping, it's all is still in your head. Right. And the past, the future.

Lyndsay Cormier (29:58)
You know, you explained it really well, like the back and forth, back and forth. It makes me think right away, like, have you ever done a tug of war? Do you know how exhausting that is on the body? Well, do you know how exhausting like a tug of war is on your state of being, like mentally and emotionally, right? It's like, ⁓ that will just drop you to the ground.

Lisa (30:06)
Yeah.

Yeah, a thousand percent. Yes.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's why it's so important to have a coach whether it's a grief coach, divorce coach or a burnout coach when you're in that state for some third party or a therapist or a combination of to really help you to see what's in front of you and getting that clarity. It's really precious. Once you can see and you know what you need and you can move forward. And sometimes I say

Lyndsay Cormier (30:32)
Thank you. Yeah.

Lisa (30:46)
As long as even someone pointed out that to you, you're in a burnout stage and it's not you, you're not alone. When you have that awareness, that's 50 % of the work. It's really just, yeah, just me even aware. ⁓ wow. I have two kids for the first time at camps. They're at different location. I am burned out. I need that sleep. Right? So even that awareness, I wouldn't have it.

Lyndsay Cormier (30:55)
100%.

Lisa (31:11)
let's say five years ago, even three years ago. So that in itself is precious, So let's talk about single parenting burnout because a divorce may have an end date, right? When you get that paper or get that agreement, but co-parenting or single parenting doesn't have an end date at that burnout and especially

Lyndsay Cormier (31:33)
Really?

Lisa (31:34)
you had a partner, like for me, I could have asked him, can you drop our son off? Now I can't, it's all on me.

Lyndsay Cormier (31:40)
Yeah. And this is where I like I can really speak from that child perspective because my mom was a single mom who raised us. Yes, my dad was in our lives. We would see him on like an every other weekend rotation. But all in all, at the end of every day, it was her. So like I have that kind of perspective to speak on and then as well with people that

often I actually have a lot of friends who are single parents. So even just talking to them on a personal level, I see and hear a lot of things. the biggest one is simply like you said, it's you. And it's already hard to have like any time or space for yourself to do the resting and recharging or soul filling activities.

Right? And because there isn't that person to lean on. at the end of the day, when it is just yourself, that's also a huge reason that burnout will happen in solo parents as much as any parent. And the constant pressure to be everything for everyone. Right? Because that's what you are. And you're doing everything for everyone. And sometimes you might miss you. And then that can start to.

snowball into what could lead into burnout where you've lost your rhythms for yourself and because you're that solo parent you are doing, doing, doing, doing. I watched my mom do that and I can see how that really affected her short term and long term in the years later. God bless her, she did an amazing job but as

Lisa (33:02)
Mmm.

Lyndsay Cormier (33:13)
who I am today and living that and witnessing it and being on the other side of it, I can see things that were happening. there's constant guilt for even asking for time, because you feel bad because you're their sole provider. as parents and especially as moms, because I'm a mom, can say this and you could relate, Lisa, there's so much guilt sometimes.

when we need or crave just that little bit of time. But that little bit of time is going to make you that much better as a parent, especially a solo one. So it's reminding ourselves yeah, we might feel guilt around asking for it, but what's the other option? Right? It's still showing up as I referenced this the other day in the podcast with someone is the phrase, mombie

people often wear that badge that I'm just a walking zombie but a mom. I'm like, let's change that narrative, shall we? And then exhaustion just feels like the non-negotiable and like the never-ending road leading to that emotional numbness, irritability, and resentment, especially as sole parents. Because you're caring so much more than your children can even understand in that moment. Right?

Lisa (34:02)
Mm.

Mm-hmm.

Lyndsay Cormier (34:24)
And you don't mean to take it out on them, just like we talked earlier in the episode about snapping your children as the example, but it happens and those can be signs of burnout that are happening. it's easy for me to say what I do as a parent, but what I know from personal experiences and helping others, it's simply, just knowing that.

Lisa (34:29)
snapping yeah

Lyndsay Cormier (34:45)
It may be just you as a sole parent at the end of the day, but there are people out there that are willing and wanting to help they're never gonna take over your role, but could just help you in those moments that you need. it's just simply finding ways that you can get help when you don't have help.

Lisa (35:03)
Yeah, absolutely. look, am a solo parent, meaning, my kids are with me a hundred percent of the time and by their dad's own choosing. That's again, a different episode, a different, lot of ⁓ emotional healing on that side. what I've learned is that, it's okay to ask for help. And it also like I'm Chinese. The culture I grew up with is

you don't ask for help. Right. So it's a give ourselves permission to be helped is a beautiful thing. And we don't have to interpret as you are not strong by asking that. Like you said, a lot of people are more willing to step up and help understanding your situation. And another thing I want to talk about is you talk about this this bucket, right? There's a children's ⁓ book called and is your bucket full?

Lyndsay Cormier (35:52)
Yes, we have it. Yeah.

Lisa (35:52)
Right? Yeah. And

it works with our selves as well. I mean, the idea if you don't know is everybody have an invisible bucket, let's call it like emotional bucket on top of our head, and even animals have it, right? So if you are empty, it needs to be refilled. And we can't be our best self when our really our bucket is half full.

And then it's like an energy, it's influential. When you show up at half bucket and people around you, their bucket may be dripping out. But when you show up at full bucket, you may help them and encourage them, inspire them to get their bucket filled as well. I think that's a perfect analogy and way to think about whatever you need. Really, there's no need to feel guilty or shame for asking and

to give yourself time, give you an example. So we just got back from Orlando for a two week trip. And I know that trip is for the kids. And we had a blast. the August long weekend, I'm going to a three day silent meditation retreat, and I'm going to ask people to help me with the kids. I'm not taking that time off with guilt or anything, because I know how much I needed it in this busy season.

Lyndsay Cormier (37:06)
Yeah. ⁓

Lisa (37:07)
Right? Even though

it's summer, that's just one example we talked about the priority list is always you, you're not being selfish and your kids and other people around you. And don't get that order reversed because that's a disaster to have burnout. And then you have to do damage control. So yeah.

Lyndsay Cormier (37:14)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah,

exactly right. Like we don't want to have to like unlearn and relearn. I love what you said too, that you're doing that for you. so this is for solo parents, this is for parents, this is for anybody. It's a simple question when it comes to the awareness piece and acknowledging it, like we've really talked today on, is simply asking yourself one question and it's, what do I need today?

Lisa (37:45)
Yeah.

Lyndsay Cormier (37:46)
Like what, like shouldn't

be hard to answer, but we don't ask ourselves that, but it's something that you should be asking yourself if it's a daily thing, a weekly thing, a monthly thing, however you want to break it down. But simply, if you can ask yourself that every day, it could mean something. So they're like, I just really need a hug or I just really need to go for a walk by myself or I need a three day retreat away. ⁓ it's simply ourselves.

Lisa (38:10)
Yeah, that's a

That's a huge question though, cause I asked a lot of my clients, right? People don't know because as we living in this hustle culture of doing, we're so disconnected with ourselves, myself included, like I didn't even realize how disconnected I was in my marriage. There were countless signs. I ignored them. I override with more doing so that in itself, if you can start to ask, what do I need? That's

Lyndsay Cormier (38:32)
Yeah.

Lisa (38:38)
more than half of the work in yourself. And I can tell you it's a joke or it's so funny because and it still shows up like you said, it's not like you're healed from burnout, you'd never burn out again. So it took me a lot of time, to meditate and yoga to really getting in touch with myself, my body and my mind again. But a lot of times it's still like, what? I have needs?

Lyndsay Cormier (38:40)
Mm-hmm.

Lisa (39:03)
What do you mean I have needs? when we were in Orlando, we were at this like dinosaur restaurant. I was like, we were with other families. So everybody ordered. was like, yeah, this is what my daughter wants. This what my son wants. Like that they want this meal and this drink. then I stopped. The waiter asked me, what about you? Ma'am?

I was like, Oh, right. I need to order for myself. need to eat. Right. I know it's a joke, but it's, I also know it's a lot of people's reality, right? As a parent, not even just single parent, you're standing eating your meals, right? You're just rushing to go somewhere. that

Lyndsay Cormier (39:33)
Yeah, 100%.

Lisa (39:41)
your kids or your partner or your parents needs are met, totally ignoring yourself.

Lyndsay Cormier (39:46)
Yeah. Yeah. Or sometimes

eating your child's leftovers, not even giving yourself like an actual meal, right? Because you're that rushed and busy and like forgot, totally forgot about yourself because like, yeah, it happens.

Lisa (39:52)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

when I met with my clients too, and coaching is still a personal development they will not hesitate to sign their kids up for a $10,000, let's say hockey practice or whatever. Right. And then when you're talking about

their personal care really a personal development to coach and they hesitate. then until we talk about the cost of not doing the work. You get my point is like, When was the last time you invest in yourself?

Lyndsay Cormier (40:27)
something that I really take again from that single parent child perspective is I watched my mom never do anything for her. I can still hear in like my ear her say like, ⁓ I could never buy myself something or I never bought myself anything. And like you five kids just got everything and she never did anything for herself. I saw

Lisa (40:32)
Mm-hmm.

Lyndsay Cormier (40:48)
the consequences of that. And so it's something I really tried to also walk with and walk in is like, really, yeah, when's the last time you did something for you? And you know, it took me a while to get there. used to have guilt about it. So I'm like, well, my mom never did. Right? That's like, psychology, the modeling. And then I went through a phase of like feeling guilty.

Lisa (41:00)
Yeah.

Yeah, the modeling. Yes. Yeah.

Lyndsay Cormier (41:11)
But then I've gotten to phases and stages in my life where I'm really proud that I get to do that. And I work towards those goals and reward myself. Like just went 90 days, now I'm on like 120 of no drinking alcohol. I bought myself a weighted vest for reaching that goal. And I was so excited. I almost didn't buy it, but I was like, yeah, you're buying it.

Lisa (41:30)
Yeah, awesome.

Lyndsay Cormier (41:34)
Anyways, lots of examples, but yeah, you got to invest in yourself. Like you said, perfect example of like, $10,000 dancer hockey. No problem. ⁓ $500 to improve myself. Nope. Like we got to decide differently.

Lisa (41:48)
And also just think for the modeling part, I think for a lot of people I talked to, know, should I stay or shall I leave the marriage? Their biggest concern is the impact on the kids, And then when we talk more about, they're living in survival mode and if they choose this route, they have a chance to show up fully, right? What kind of that modeling would it be for their kids? Because when you, again, I'm not advocating for you to separate or divorce or anything, you know.

yourself but if you're stuck in that cycle survival mode not having a really meaningfully intimate and supportive and loving relationship with your partner what are we modelling to our kids they would think this is norm what they see at home is norm just like you right look i mean same thing my parents are

Lyndsay Cormier (42:31)
Yeah.

Lisa (42:36)
Chinese like giving, giving, giving, giving, giving. That's why my defaulting pattern, which is very hurtful, which shows up in my intimate relationship is I'll just give, give more until you love me. That can be very so damaging, right? But, we do it because that's what we know. So, ⁓ I want to ask, let's say if someone comes to you right now, completely maxed out.

Lyndsay Cormier (42:53)
Yeah.

Lisa (43:02)
They're not engaged, they can't do live, they're very stressed, they might have panic attacks, couldn't work, show up fully at work as a parent, a lot of resentment. They know they're not doing well and they come to you. What are some small and easy implementable strategies you recommend them? And also how do you walk them through this journey of healing?

Lyndsay Cormier (43:26)
Mm Well, that's just it, right? It's a journey. and it's one that is never ending and it changes. so there's definitely, I would say the very first thing, I mean, despite all the like first initial conversations I would have with somebody and really finding out the whole root and cause and reasons for that, what they're feeling and experiencing.

I'd get them just to stop and take 3D breaths. Because the likelihood that they've done that recently is very slim. I guide them to get control of their own breath before we take any step forward. Because like I said, chances are.

They haven't done that long time and it's going to calm their nervous system down immediately. Because if I can't break that or get them on the same level as me to like fully dive into everything, then the journey will continue a different way that you don't want to continue. And once they're in that state, then we can take that next step. a couple other ways of doing it is just like one, taking those three deep breaths.

If people are in the right space safely, I will get them to close their eyes and do it. And I'll just say a few different lines to them that I know will help bring them to that calm place. The little tiny things that we just might not think about is just that acknowledging our breath, being aware of our breath.

Another thing that you can quickly do in that moment is like get some water and just allowing pause to happen in your day. that's the biggest thing. stopping them before they go all into it is just bringing their nervous system down and getting them into that right state and really encouraging taking pause in your days. Because that's one of the biggest problems is that we're not even stopping.

to acknowledge, to be aware of our surroundings. Simple examples like driving, and I love using the driving examples because of my story, but sometimes you go from A to B and you missed the in-between, or you don't even know what scenery was around you because your brain, yeah, you're just going

Lisa (45:31)
Autopilot.

Lyndsay Cormier (45:36)
but simply just allowing and giving permission to pause in your day, throughout your day, throughout your week, start small. Like don't do 30 minutes if you feel like you can't even do three minutes, do three minutes. Do three breaths, get into the habit of just doing that because the sooner the nervous system comes down and levels out, your cortisol will go back to somewhat normal.

Lisa (45:50)
Mm-hmm.

Lyndsay Cormier (46:02)
you can think and react and decide better for you rather than when you are in that burnout state.

Lisa (46:10)
Yeah. thank you for sharing something so simple. But when you get into a habit and build that up, it can be so, so, so powerful. Because success doesn't come from force. Success come from your ability to regulate your nervous system. And in that calm, cool and collected state, the more you're anchoring yourself in that state.

your life will start to flow.

Lyndsay Cormier (46:36)
Yeah. And for

example, I do with my son, if he's worked up, I'm like, take one big deep breath. And it interrupts him, it calms him. So again, just perfect example for the role modeling or whoever you're working with in your day, right? Just pause for a second.

Lisa (46:40)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, absolutely. Amazing. Anything else that you wanted to add before we wrap up

Lyndsay Cormier (46:59)
just to share a final thing of like what has helped me during my own journey. And because it's been a 10 year one, almost 11 year one.

it's just also surrendering to the simple idea that I don't have to do it all myself. Really helped me because that's the state that I lived in. and then just really reconnecting with my own journey with faith and my beliefs and really implementing those small little changes that, brought me back to, to who I am.

Lisa (47:29)
Thank you for sharing that I'm in that state of surrendering and let me tell you fear creeps up every single day because it's so new so unfamiliar right what we are familiar of is hustling doing fixing and providing solutions right pushing forcing but when you're in that surrendering ⁓

Lyndsay Cormier (47:47)
Yeah.

That's why you

have to lean on having that faith, not because of the fear, right? Yeah.

Lisa (47:53)
Faith, exactly. And

really that trust that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be and everything will work out the way it's supposed to be. And when you're anchoring yourself in there, I mean, it takes time, energy, intention to, get there, but life happens.

Lyndsay Cormier (47:59)
you

hehe

Lisa (48:14)
in magical ways. Like I met Lindsay, for example, life start to connect you with the right kind of people, right kind of resources to really support you on your journey.

Lyndsay Cormier (48:25)
Yeah, yeah, and you know Lisa

actually while you say that quickly to add is when I think about someone who's going through a divorce to I think about that whole new identity and next chapter for them and Kind of like what you just said with surrendering is

just knowing that you might not understand what's happening right now, but in a little bit it will make sense. And I've just walked that. I've just walked that with moving across Canada and into the province six months ago and the things that have happened and the transitions and change. But someone that's going through a divorce, it feels like that's starting over, but

Lisa (48:50)
Yep.

Lyndsay Cormier (49:00)
sometimes it can get really exciting with what shows up in your life or who you end up being connected to or introduced to. it may be really painful in the moment, but it soon comes around and you look back and think, okay, it had to happen.

Lisa (49:16)
And it's the idea of life happens for us that faith part, really trust it happened for me, not to me. And then that's a mindset shift of I'm not the victim, right? I am the, leader of my life. And it's like, I have all the power in my hand. That's totally a deeper topic. That's part of the identity transformation.

Lyndsay Cormier (49:36)
Thanks

Lisa (49:39)
Whether you're working with Lindsay on the burnout part or with me about divorce, it is your identity reinvention and transformation.

Lyndsay Cormier (49:42)
Yeah.

Yeah, which is, yeah, comes with, like you said,

a whole bottle of feelings. But yeah. But yeah.

Lisa (49:52)
Yeah, amazing.

where can life, where can, where can life find you, Lyndsay Where can people find you?

Lyndsay Cormier (50:00)
The best way to find me right now is just on my Instagram that you can share in the show notes if you want Lisa, but it's just simply at lyndsay.cormier or find a way through there. You could probably even put burnout recovery coach on Instagram. might pop up, but that's the best way to find me right now because that's where I hang out mostly and share all the good things. Burnout and more.

Lisa (50:19)
Yeah. Awesome. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and life experience with us. And until next time, I would say if you have any feeling that you can't do life in any way, tap into Lyndsay's resources to just even get some awareness going on. And that will help you in a long run and just really acknowledging.

Lyndsay Cormier (50:22)
Thank me.

Lisa (50:44)
you are in that state and you're worthy to not be in that state because health and wealth and abundance and love is really our birthright. We don't have to suffer and the choice is in your hands.