Season 2 Episode 6 - "Peaches"

Episode Description

In this episode, E chats with Peaches,. She's the kind of person who has seen the highs, the lows, and the moments in between… and still makes space for honesty, laughter, and love.

The 21 moves through Caribbean travel, petty pet peeves, dream concerts, signature scents, and the kind of questions that reveal who someone really is.

Then comes The One.

What have you done for you lately?

The conversation shifts into exhaustion, responsibility, and what it means to finally choose rest. Not for productivity. Not for survival. Just because it’s needed.

This episode feels like the kind of conversation strong friends don’t always get to have out loud.

What You’ll Hear

A conversation about being the strong one for too long
What self-care looks like when peace is the goal
Dream concert picks, audiobook dreams, and “Peaches at Night”
Why rest can be necessary, not optional
What it means to finally do something for yourself

Season 2 Format

21 Questions
Light, thoughtful prompts designed to reveal perspective, some laughs and insight

The One
A deeper conversation sparked by what naturally comes up.

No scripts. No prep. Just presence.

Join the Conversation

After listening, ask yourself one question:

What have you done for you lately?

You can text or send an email to share your thoughts, your answer, or just say hey. TheTeam@arefreshingconversation.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:11

Welcome to Refreshing Conversation, a podcast of real people, genuine moments, and a conversation that's always refreshing. This is season two, episode six. Today's guest is someone near and dear to my heart. I hold her in high regard. No matter where I am in the world, she has an open invite to pull up. And if she calls, regardless of the time zone, I'm answering, which is major because not everyone gets that invite or level of access to me. She has seen me at some of my most vulnerable moments and some of my not best moments. And she created a space for me to feel it was okay to let my guard down and just be me. I've had some of the best laughs and some of the best talks with her. I'm grateful for her and her friendship and consider her to be part of my chosen family. Y'all are truly in for a treat. And with that being said, I can't wait for y'all to meet her. So let's get to know her. Welcome to the pod. Peaches.

SPEAKER_00 1:06

You know, I was trying to keep it, I was trying to keep it together. I was trying to keep it together.

SPEAKER_01 1:09

Because when I was, I was like, I hope I don't.

SPEAKER_02 1:13

I was like, well, BG, Peaches, B and G. Thank you. That was super sweet.

SPEAKER_00 1:23

Oh, I love you too, boo. But yeah, I was trying to, I was trying to keep it together. I was trying to keep it together. Okay, okay, okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:36

But welcome to the pod. I'm so glad to have you here. I'm so grateful. Like I said, I'm grateful for you, always and forever. And I'm grateful for your time. I know there's many things you could be doing or not doing. So thank you for being here. And if you want to introduce yourself, girl, like I said, you always gotta open a bite. But if you want, you can introduce yourself, say as much as you want to say or not say, and then we'll go on to the 21.

SPEAKER_02 2:00

Okay. Well, hi guys, my name is Peaches. Me and Smitty were stationed together when we were active duty, and that is where our sisterhood begins. Um, my love for her is just as strong as her love for me. She is truly one of my top five rider dives. Like, no questions coming wide open. So I look forward to this podcast. I'm excited to do this.

SPEAKER_01 2:24

Oh, thank you, boo. All right, with that being said, let's start with the 21. So the 21 are 21 questions slash non-questions that are lighthearted, thoughtful, and nothing heavy. You ready? I'm ready. Let's do it, girl. Okay, so number one, it's an example. So I am, but I don't like. So example is I'm a foodie, but I don't like fancy desserts. So what is something you are but you don't like?

SPEAKER_02 2:50

Okay. I am a lover of traveling to Caribbean Islands, but I don't like getting in the water because your girl can't swim.

SPEAKER_01 3:01

Okay, okay. Which is something you want to try to learn how to do is learn how to swim.

SPEAKER_02 3:06

Girl, I did.

SPEAKER_01 3:07

I um listen, that was on my bucket list, right?

SPEAKER_02 3:14

And something I'm too old, I live in Florida. There's no reason why I don't know how to swim. I forced my child to learn how to swim, and I'm gonna do this, right? Girl, I went down to IMCA, signed up for these classes, and mind you, they were only four classes. Okay, I didn't go back after class number two, so I quit swim lessons, girl.

SPEAKER_01 3:37

But that's okay, you were halfway there, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 3:39

So as I couldn't even float. The girl, you know how on them little the movies where when somebody's crying and had that one silent tear rolling down, that was me in class number two, and I'm in the in this class with all these babies and kids, and I was like, No, I'm not gonna do this.

SPEAKER_01 4:00

Oh, I think you should try again.

SPEAKER_02 4:03

I might I'm gonna have to build myself back up to it, girl. But yeah, straight walked out that class instruction was like, see you next week.

SPEAKER_00 4:11

I was like, okay, shoot. Maybe do a lesson.

SPEAKER_01 4:21

Maybe do a lesson that's for adults, or either do private lessons that might help as well.

SPEAKER_02 4:26

Well, see the way they I might need to do private lessons because the way the YMCA does it, they have everybody in there. So you got multiple classes going on in different sections of the pool because it's different, you know, they have a couple of lanes in there. So I was like, okay, I'm gonna do this. We got little babies in here, they crying down here. My big 40-something year old got oh no, I'm not gonna be in here with these kids crying, and one looking at me, and I'm looking at her, and we both got tears in our eyes. Girl, I was like, Oh, yeah, class number two was it, girl.

SPEAKER_01 4:58

Oh, yeah, I see. I think I think in under better circumstances, you'd have better a better outcome. So don't maybe I think the private lessons are working.

SPEAKER_02 5:10

I haven't built the nerve back up yet, girl. Now it was like two years ago.

SPEAKER_01 5:14

Well, at least it's not a hard no, so that's something.

SPEAKER_00 5:17

Um next question. Um yeah, number two.

SPEAKER_01 5:34

Okay, number two is my petty pet peeve is so what is a pet peeve that you have that you know is just really it's petty, but it's yours nonetheless. If you need an example, let me know. I got one on deck.

SPEAKER_02 5:47

Okay, give me an example while I think.

SPEAKER_01 5:49

Okay, and I think you you're gonna you're gonna agree with this one. So one of my petty pet peeves are able-bodied people that walk slowly across the street. You know, like you let somebody, you know, if you're at a crosswalk or what they had to crosswalk and they just need to doggone. Exactly. You don't need to meander. I need you to, like you said, knees and chests, get on across the road.

SPEAKER_02 6:07

Oh, well, in that spirit, one of my petty pet peeves is if I'm stopping in traffic and I let you in, pull on out and go with the flow of traffic, don't get in front of me going two miles per hour, and I done almost had to, you know, break myself, letting you trying to be, you know, be a good Samaritan. Yeah, right, right, right. And then you get in front of me going 30.

SPEAKER_01 6:32

Yeah, that that one annoys me as well.

SPEAKER_02 6:34

Yeah. Okay. So that's why I don't hardly let people.

SPEAKER_00 6:38

Somebody done render for everybody.

SPEAKER_02 6:41

I'd listen, I got to be listening to the gospel, or the Lord got to be leading me to stop because they didn't know. Uh-uh.

SPEAKER_01 6:50

Uh-uh. Little did that person know that did not go the appropriate speed and mess it up for everybody.

SPEAKER_02 6:57

Everybody, like for real, everybody. And I'll be so serious. I'll be so serious.

SPEAKER_01 7:05

Oh my goodness. Okay, so let's go to number three. What is something that you're weirdly jealous of or oddly in awe of? I know some people don't like the word jealousy, but what's something that you're oddly in awe of?

SPEAKER_02 7:18

It's gonna sound so so childish, but people who can sing because I want to sing so bad. Okay, and part of me say, you know how some songs, oh, I sound good. And some songs like girl, stop playing with yourself. People who can sing effortlessly, you know what I mean? Just be like it's like they're talking. I want to sing so bad.

SPEAKER_01 7:41

Okay, that's a good one. All right, number four. What is the book, song, or movie that you wish you would have written and why? And I know you love to read, so that I mean it doesn't have to be a book card, but what is a book, song, or movie?

SPEAKER_02 7:58

So since I have graduated, I've been like really been onto my get you know, my black authors, right? I've always been heavy on black authors. I mean, I read other authors as well, but I've always been a sucker for a good book series by a black author. So I've been reading these books by Joquel J. Okay, and when I say my good sis, pen game is so ignorant, she has like all of these different like the gato family, Capone, Cappadonna, Capri Girl, it ugh. So I wish I could have written one of her books because when I say my good sis pulls you into it, and all of these books have you feeling something, whether it's anger, sadness, laughter, like Cappadonna is one of my favorite books because this fool, I literally bust out laughing Smitty when I'm reading, and it just every time he's in, like and all of the series are interwoven with each other, like the characters are you know sprinkled into each other's series, right? So, girl, every time he comes up, he's always like, Well, I was a now, mind you, these series are like kind of like thugish street books, okay, with a little bit of romance, a smidge of smud. It's like it all the genres in one, it's well-rounded, you know. They bad, and it just sucks you in, and like each series got like three or four books in each series. So she once she gets you, she gets you. And so Cappadonna, girl, I can literally be sitting in a house. Me and Gabe will be chilling, he'll be watching TV. I'll be reading, I'll just bust out laughing because of something in the book. So I really wish my pen as much as I love to read, I wish I could write as well as she can to where it's her books totally engulf me. Wow, and just pulls you all the way in. Yes, girl, I love her.

SPEAKER_01 9:59

Oh wow, I'm gonna have to check her out. Okay, so number five. I call this give, steal, or destroy. So you have to give away one thing that you treasure, you can steal anything in the world, and you cannot get caught. And also you can rock whatever it is. So if you stole like a piece of jewelry, you could go out and you could be walking around in your jewelry, and nobody's gonna check you on it, and you can destroy one thing. So give, steal, and destroy.

SPEAKER_02 10:29

So I'm gonna start with the steal. I'm gonna steal whoever the richest man or richest person in the world is, I'm gonna steal their money. Okay, all of their assets. Um I mean, I'm gonna pretty much consume their financial life. Okay. Then with said money, I'm gonna give it out to various charities, like cancer research, um, wounded warrior programs. I I've had this dream to like if I ever came into like an ignorant amount of money, like build some type of rehabilitation center for veterans who are either homeless or who struggling to find somewhere, like they like have dorms and come up with like classes where that they may be interested in where they can get a skill, or maybe they go to like some Botec school and I sponsor that, you know, them getting something to just like rehabilitate them to where they can get on their feet.

SPEAKER_01 11:25

Love it.

SPEAKER_02 11:25

So that's my give. And then I said, destroy. I don't know, I would destroy racism. Okay, and the hatred that it brings. Because I feel like that's it's all based on hatred and miscommunication and just jealous. Well, you know, you people don't like jealousy, but jealousy and just lack of knowledge about different cultures other than your own. So I would I would destroy racism. Okay, I love your answers. They sound corny, girl.

SPEAKER_01 11:59

No, especially in today's climate. Come on, that's yes, that's why I said it.

SPEAKER_02 12:05

That's why I said, and that's one thing that goes back how many decades?

SPEAKER_01 12:09

Like not even centuries, centuries upon centuries upon centuries. Girl, soon as a man stepped on earth.

SPEAKER_02 12:16

Problem. Girl, destroy that dad blasted serpent so we wouldn't even be having these problems. Head topped off. Do you hear that?

SPEAKER_00 12:31

Smooth. All right, let's go to number six.

SPEAKER_01 12:38

If you could be part of any TV show, what would it be? Extra points if you know the character you would play, or if you ever create a new character for the show for you to play.

SPEAKER_02 12:51

Okay, so I'm probably gonna lose my black car for this. Okay, okay, okay. I would be baby in dirty dancing. That's that is why I girl, ever since I saw this as uh however young I was, that has been my all-time favorite movie. And I have always said that when I get married, my that's somehow gonna be incorporated into my reception. Me and my husband are gonna do at least the end scene where she runs to him and he picks her up. That I would be baby in dirty dancing. Okay, yeah. I girl, when I tell my friends that they be like, Are you serious? Out of all the black, yeah, I know.

SPEAKER_01 13:44

But that's just it. You like what you like, and you know, I still want to go. Remember the place I sent it to you, and I think you heard it before, but they actually filmed it. I'm still down to go do that if you want to go do it. So, you know, let me know.

SPEAKER_02 13:56

Girl, you know I'm down. You know, listen. I told somebody I was like, I don't care. Because like my little travel group, friend group that I mean, we're planning to go to Thailand in 2022. And I was like, listen, y'all know I'm retired. I said, but I don't care. I got to go work somebody's job up until August and then quit so I can go. I said, because y'all know I'll leave a job in a minute. And she was like, Yes, you will. So yeah, baby girl, baby and dirty dancing, Jennifer Gray. I now I wouldn't change the concept of the movie, I might add a little bit more realistic black people dances to it, okay, you know, but yeah, I would be baby. Okay, all right.

SPEAKER_01 14:42

Number seven. What is a compliment that you love to receive?

SPEAKER_02 14:46

Oh, I love when people tell me I have a pretty smile. When I worked at the credit union, oh thank you. This, you know, I worked at the one on base the second time I went back, and so it's like a bunch of retirees and family members. And that was one of the these little men, you have a beautiful smile. Oh my gosh. And I'm like, mind you, I'm the only black person that works in this credit union. And so, you know, I would always have to be presentable because I wasn't gonna be the one to be the stereotype, right? Oh my gosh, you have such a beautiful smile. Oh my gosh, you bring so much life into the credit union. Oh my gosh, your smile don't lose it. And I was like, Oh thank. Oh, thank you so much. Of course, then you get the cheese and water, of course.

SPEAKER_00 15:38

Gotta show them what you're working with.

SPEAKER_02 15:40

Yeah, show them, baby. All 32. All right. So yeah, I like when people say I mean have a pretty smile.

SPEAKER_01 15:49

Right on. Okay, number eight. What is your non-super superpower?

SPEAKER_02 15:54

Give me an example. Non-superpower, super superpower.

SPEAKER_01 15:58

So something that's uniquely that you can, well, not just uniquely, but something that you have a canny knack to do. So, like one, the one example I gave last episode is I have the ability to wake up whenever a meal is about to be served on the airplane. So I could be I can be good asleep.

SPEAKER_00 16:13

I can be good asleep.

SPEAKER_01 16:15

And the store, you know, the flight attendant can be like a few rolls up, or they might not even start it into the cabin. But for some reason, I'm gonna wake up right when it's time for them to go serving my meal.

SPEAKER_00 16:27

That is her bag.

SPEAKER_01 16:31

So that's my one of my non-super superpowers.

SPEAKER_02 16:35

I don't know. I may have to think on that. When I never thought about that in uh super superpower.

unknown 16:42

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 16:42

So what I'll do, I'll put a pen in that one and come back to it. Okay. Let's see. All right, so let's go to number nine. If you had a soundtrack or a theme song, what would it be?

SPEAKER_02 16:59

So you know I'm from Mississippi, right in front of the dirty south. And so everybody thinks that I don't know why, but ever since like when we were in the military, from the time I was in San Antonio up until now, people think that I'm mean and I'm unapproachable. So I I was like, I'm gonna do have my no limit gonna be my soundtrack, down for my ninjas. You know what I'm saying? And so ever since then, every time they come on, especially when I got stationed here, my home girl be like, uh oh, here come the dirty side peaches, and uh-oh, here comes the Galicious, and girl, you know, I have to do my little my little crunch dance. And so, yeah, down for my ninjas is my little theme song. Because I said, I'm not I'm not multi-faceted friend. If we're gonna go get brunch, cool. We finna go upside somebody's head, cool. We finna go to church, cool. We finna go robber, cool. Just let me know so I can get my mind together when I'm down for whatever and wear the right outfit, baby, appropriately dressed, right?

SPEAKER_01 18:05

Oh yeah, right on. That would that would be it. Okay, so number 10. What would your radio DJ name be? And what would the name of your show be?

SPEAKER_02 18:18

Oh, DJ name. Oh, girl. So I know the show would be something along the thing, the keeping it real, okay, yet funny, or something like real and light, real and something.

SPEAKER_01 18:32

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 18:33

Oh, and I don't know, something simple. You know, like I said, everybody knows me. Yes, Peaches. DJ Peachy Peach. Okay, that works. I don't know. That sounds stupid. That's something I don't know. I don't think about that one. I like that DJ Peachy Peach.

SPEAKER_01 18:47

Okay. So is your show coming on in the morning, midday, late at night? What time is what time is your show?

SPEAKER_02 18:54

Oh no, you're gonna have to put me in that late night slot. Okay, I'm in the not safe for work category because ain't no telling what's gonna come up. There ain't no telling what's gonna come on, baby.

SPEAKER_00 19:11

Put the keys to bed.

SPEAKER_01 19:19

Oh my gosh. All right, number 11. Unless you're ready for number eight, which was what is your non-superpower?

SPEAKER_02 19:25

You ready for that, or you want to oh number one?

SPEAKER_01 19:30

Okay, so what is your go-to airport food court or mall food court must-have? Girl, shame to say it's gonna be Starbucks.

SPEAKER_02 19:39

Okay, good coffee. Okay, yeah, right on. Or or eat not necessarily, it doesn't have to be Starbucks per se, because I've I'm trying to get away from like corporates like that. Like if I see a cute little mom and pop coffee stand or something like that in the airport, I'll try that, but some type of coffee stand.

SPEAKER_01 19:59

Okay, yeah. Cool beans. All right, number 12. If you could pick your name, what would you have wanted your name to be? You can't use your existing name, so it has to be totally something different.

SPEAKER_02 20:11

I've always loved the name Adrian or Sierra. Okay, oh, those are cute names. I I like I've always thought of Adrian was like, should have been my name.

SPEAKER_01 20:22

Okay. All right, number 12, number 13, actually, sorry. Your concert lineup and dream location. So you can have up to five acts. They can be solo or a group, they can be alive or not alive, but you get up like I said, you get up to five acts, and somebody needs to know who they would be and where would you want your concert to be held.

SPEAKER_02 20:43

Okay, so number one would be Fantasia, because I am like geeked out all-time favorite Fantasia. Okay, number two at would be Drew Hill. Okay. Number three, and it's not in any particular order, Whitney Houston. I've always wanted to go see her.

unknown 21:03

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 21:04

And number four, Cece Winins. I went to one of her conferences and girl. What? Really? Stacey, hand down. Okay. And number five, I don't know, I feel like because I have such an eclectic, I don't know. Chris Brown. But then I also like Teddy Swim. Okay, you gotta pick one.

SPEAKER_01 21:30

I don't oh geez. Let's just go with Christopher.

SPEAKER_02 21:34

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 21:34

Who's your headliner? Who shut down the concert?

SPEAKER_02 21:37

Oh, Tasia.

SPEAKER_01 21:39

Okay. Tasia.

SPEAKER_02 21:40

Yeah, Tasia's gone.

SPEAKER_01 21:42

All right, number 14. What would your dream occupation be? So it's not something that you currently are doing or even something you've done in the past, but like what's something always like, man, I wish I could be a dot dot dot.

SPEAKER_02 21:54

And no I think I told you this before. I'm sorry, go ahead. I didn't mean to cut you off.

SPEAKER_01 21:58

Oh no, I was just gonna say don't worry about it. Training, don't worry about, you know, oh, I gotta go to school for X amount of years, blah blah blah. All that's off the off the table. So, what would your dream occupation be?

SPEAKER_02 22:08

An audiobook reader, because I'm such a nerd, and because I love to read, yeah, and I love different genres. And I would I and I think I might try to s at least do it once in 2026, figure out how to do it or whatever. But I would love to be an honor, like who gets paid to read books for people? I even said I was gonna do OnlyFans and read the book of your choice to you. But then I was like, oh, I don't know about that. But girl, why not gonna be naked? But I know, but yeah, as much as I love to read, and I even got my own little library, I was buying books off the iBooks before the Hoopla and Libby apps from the library, and then I got my little Kindles. Girl, as much I would love to get paid to read books.

SPEAKER_01 22:55

Man, you should do it. That's that's one of mine as well is to do that. So yeah, I get it. But girl, yeah, add it to your 2026 and make it happen.

SPEAKER_02 23:02

Yeah, I just don't know where to start. I'm gonna have to like really sit down and put forth effort into researching and trying to figure it out and do like a test run, leave one of my favorite books or whatever that I have here. But yeah, audiobook reader.

SPEAKER_01 23:17

Right on. Okay, number 15. What would be your superpower? So it's actually two. One is gonna be your selfish superpower, so only you can benefit from it, and then the other one is one for the greater good, so anybody can benefit from it.

SPEAKER_02 23:32

Well, I think one benefits the other. So my selfish superpower to always know the one in lotto number. So I'm constantly winning mega millions and whatever. And so I always have my own money, I never go broke, whatever. But then my non-selfish would be to be able to turn around and use that money to fund organizations to help people. Like when people were working during a furlough and not getting paid, if I had the money, I would help fund different charities or organizations to help them pay their rent or their mortgage or make sure their bills were paid and they were having groceries. So something like that, I would fund multiple organizations and nonprofits like that.

SPEAKER_01 24:27

Okay. I love it. All right, number 16. Your dream party guests. You'll get up to five like before, but it can only be solos, so you can have like a group and account for one. So your dream party guests, what also need to know what the cuisine would be and are you cooking? Okay.

SPEAKER_02 24:47

So, no, I'm not gonna cook, it'll be catered.

SPEAKER_01 24:49

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 24:50

So my dream party guest, again, Tasia, because that's just my girl. She's gonna be on every every list. No, I mean, that's just automatic. You said no groups. Okay, so fantasia. I love Cardi B. Cardi is like my guilty ratchet pleasure. So Tasia Cardi.

SPEAKER_03 25:21

I'll do Chris Brown again. I really like Chris.

SPEAKER_02 25:27

I would dead or live? Dead or live. I would still do Whitney. I feel like we would we would giggle a lot. We would have a lot of laughs. That's what four and then number five. Actually, I think I would do Rihanna. Okay. Yeah, she seemed real late that we ain't got to be cheesing all in each other's face. We can just be what do y'all eat? Crab leg, cramp, fry, fish, like sea too.

SPEAKER_01 26:14

All right, number 17. If a day in your life had a voiceover, whose voice would it be?

SPEAKER_02 26:21

Samuel L. Jackson. Maybe the last couple of years. Samuel L. Jackson.

SPEAKER_01 26:36

Oh my gosh. All right, number 18. If you were given the opportunity to travel into space, would you go?

SPEAKER_02 26:46

No.

unknown 26:47

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 26:48

Why not?

SPEAKER_02 26:49

I don't I just don't have the desire to, I'm I'm scared to do it. You ain't gonna have me. I've just floating around in zero gravity, and then the dog gonna show the start malfunctioning, and we uh uh no. Okay, no. I'm good down here on solid down, girl.

SPEAKER_01 27:14

All right, number 19. What would the name of your signature scent or cologne or perfume be called?

SPEAKER_02 27:21

Oh, you know what's funny? I actually went, we have a place down here called Tejan where you can go and make your own perfume. One of mine was like Peaches at Night. Okay. And then I can't think of I did two. I can't think of the other one, but that was one of them, Peaches at Night. And it was kind of like the still soft but sexy, not overpowering. Okay. But it was like, ooh. So that's one of them.

SPEAKER_01 27:50

Do you remember the notes in it?

SPEAKER_02 27:52

Sandalwood was one of aquaspine. I can't remember the third one because we did three. Okay. But those two notes were in both scents because they smelled really good. And I can say because I have migraines and super strong perfumes and stuff, or triggers for me. So those two blended together. Oh, I can't remember the third one, but those two blended together gave it a really nice, fresh smell. Uh-huh. And so, yeah, Peaches at night was one of them. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 28:25

All right, number 20. What is your definition of self-care?

SPEAKER_02 28:29

Self-care means just being able to just isolate myself from everybody and everything, turn all the noise off, and just genuinely be in peace doing things that relaxes me. Like I love to get massages, I love to get facials, I love anything that pampers, right? So being in a spa where they have all the amenities, and I can sit and read a really good book by Jaquel J or listen to some good 90s and 2000s RB and just really just vibe out with some candles and just really chill and not have to worry about anything. No phones, no nothing, just a couple of hours or a day of me just really being at total, complete peace, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, just that.

SPEAKER_01 29:26

Right on. Okay, so this would be this next question, would be the last one, but we still got number eight hanging out there. So number eight was the superpower.

SPEAKER_02 29:36

No, superpower. I I say for number eight, I really can't think of anything, but I guess it would be the ability to know when people need a hug. Because I have been told that like whenever, like, you know, kikiing around at church or with people, just in general, out in public, you know, I'm gonna always find something to laugh at. And I've been told at times that by people that I've interacted with that they really needed that laugh. So I'm not saying necessarily give a good hug, but I can always give a good help, you know, give a good laugh. Right. And I've been told that I really needed that. Girl, you just be, oh girl, you so funny. And it's not like I'm intentionally trying to be funny. I just I'm being mean, and we just get to keep, you know, kiki in and he he in. Girl, I needed it. You just don't know. So I guess being able to get people knowing when people need a good laugh or something.

SPEAKER_01 30:33

And I concur. I didn't want to give you your answer. So I'm glad that you I'm glad that you got there. But yeah, that that would definitely be one that I would say is your super, non-super, super power. So you you nailed that one. All right, number 21. This is so this is the last one officially. What would the title of your autobiography be? Ooh, thank god I made it. Okay. Thank God I made it. That's lovely. All right, are you reading your autobiography or are you gonna have somebody else read it?

SPEAKER_02 31:09

I will read it because I would know like what parts to add the little extra um to try, you know. Ha ha ha ha ha, but then like the seriousness of certain parts, like for you to hear the hurt or the sincerity or whatever emotion I was going through at that time to like genuinely pull it out so you could feel it.

SPEAKER_01 31:33

Okay, I love it. All right, boo. That was the twin. That was the 21. So you did it. So we made it through the 21. We're gonna take a quick little break and then we will come back with the one. Now that we're all warmed up, let's get into the one. One question, one moment, one real refreshing conversation. So my question for you is what have you what have you done for you lately? Like to me, you're definitely like that strong friend. I mean, we definitely gotta, you know, make sure we check in on our strong friends and also make sure that we're checking out with ourselves. But what have you done for you? Not to benefit anybody else. What have you done for you lately? Oh I mean, I can sing a little Janet Jackson song if you want me to, yeah. But I mean, please don't do a little ditty, do a little ditty, do a little shimmy, shake a little shoulder for you. I mean, oh that's a good question. What have I and it could be as deep or as light as you want it to be, so you know whatever.

SPEAKER_02 32:51

So a couple of weeks ago, I went to Mississippi. I was originally supposed to go, my sister was supposed to get married, but her fiance got injured and got hurt, so we postponed the it was postponed, so you know I still have mom aboard it. And the year is just been a heavy year financially and just being taken through, just like Lord, what is going on? Every time I turn around, I felt like I was getting knocked around. And so by December, I was just so heavy and just so tired and just so just drained, girl. And so it was too late. I didn't do any of my out-of-country trips because at the time I was working and couldn't, didn't have the leave to take off. So by the beginning of the month, I was just worn down, sleeping all the time, not just just just tired. There was no other way to say it. I was tired, and it was something as simple as just going to going home, saw my mom and daddy, and going to my best friend's house to just do nothing. I went, I slept, I rested, I read. We ordered these paint, these canvases, pre-um drawn canvases and these paints, did a little paint party, and I just was there. Like I didn't do nothing fancy, no boom, boom, boom. I just had to go do nothing in a different area to get out the house because I wasn't going anywhere, wasn't doing anything, and it was so bad to wear. You know how much I love mama. Mama was getting on my nerves, like was just irritated at everything. And then he done got hurt and then had to take him to the vet, and they done found the mask and had to send it off. So, girl, it was just like had to pay the IRS or something. I mean, girl, just boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. And I it got to the point I was talking to my mama, and I was crying at 45. Boo-hoo crying, like, mom, I'm just tired. I've been doing this by myself. I am tired. And so, something as simple as just going to Mississippi, just to sit in the room with no TV, nothing but my iPad, and just read, and just not think I have to be responsible for nobody, not have to worry about nobody but me. And whatever I felt like doing for those five days, I did.

SPEAKER_03 35:31

Then I came on.

SPEAKER_02 35:33

Yeah, so that's probably the because at first I was, you know, teetering, going, am I gonna go? I really don't. I need to just stay here and save the money. I just paid all this money to the IRS. I really need to build my savings account back up. I gotta pay for board, and it's gonna be damn near $300. Uh oh. I don't mean darn near $300 just for him. You know, so I'm calculating the cost of all this stuff.

SPEAKER_01 35:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 35:57

And I'm just like, I really just need to sit down. I just don't worry about it. I really, really don't know. I need to get up out of here. So it was literally like down to the wire, just deciding just to even go. Yeah. Because I I was just like, I gotta get up out of here. I'm gonna be done flashed on my dog, I'm gonna be done flashed on my child. And I was like just angry because I was so tired. And I was just like, Lord, like it's just me. Like, how much more I gotta go through? Yeah, what else I gotta do?

SPEAKER_01 36:28

You know, so that was it. Right on. I mean, I I see you're now in 2020, 20. I was about to say 2026, no, but 2025 definitely. Whew, girl. The rubber that met the road and the road done one child.

SPEAKER_02 36:42

Um baby, yeah, straight monkey stones, like and didn't let up from anywhere shell down. Straight monkey stones, yes.

SPEAKER_01 36:56

So for me, what have I done for me lately? Therapy, like therapy, like it's just this year put it on me, and it was like, yeah, I was like, I'm at my my I'm at my breaking point, and I was like, I can't break. Yeah, I can bend, but I can't break. But I can't break. So it's like, you know, I think as, and I'm sure you can relate, I mean, I know you can, as somebody who carries a lot of responsibilities, the weight of that and the not wanting to let other people fall was taking a toll on me. And I was like, I can't, I have to put my oxygen mask on first so that I can help them put theirs on. Because if I ain't got my mine on, we all going down, so it's hard to let it on.

SPEAKER_00 37:39

So I was like, you know what?

SPEAKER_01 37:40

If I can't find, and I was mentioning this last episode as well. Sometimes it's easier for me to go harder, and I'm I need to change that, you know, one of the reasons why I'm in therapy. But it's like girl, I would go hard in the paint. And I was like, you know what? I I can't pour from an empty cup. So it's like, and I'm not trying to talk in similes and you know, cliches, but it's they're cliches for a reason.

SPEAKER_02 38:02

You know, so it's like, yeah, you can't give what you don't have.

SPEAKER_01 38:06

And I did not have it. And I was like, you know what? I got to, I need to talk to somebody, and it and it has been making a difference. Not that really the problems have been solved, but it's like, okay, yay, it's allowing myself to have the allowing myself to give myself permission. Because if it was a friend of mine was coming to me with what needed to be said or what they were going through, I'm like, oh girl, I got you. Oh, hey, oh hey, do you go, whatever, I got you. You know, we can do this. You can, you're doing great work. You know, hang in there, sweetie, you know, type of things. Whereas for me, it's like, okay, I was like, just keep going, just keep going. This will pass, just keep going. And at a certain point in time, girl, exactly. At a certain time, it's like, it's not going to pass. I have got to do better by me. And so that was that was the biggest thing that I'm taking away from 2025 is to to bend but not break and know when to know when to stop.

SPEAKER_02 38:59

And like I said, girl, at 45 was on the phone snotting to my mama. Mama, I am so tired. It's just me. If I can't get it, then so everything's gonna fall. Granted, my son got his own place, but it still needed, you know, they're helping him in their business season being available to help him. Then I got this dog that he done bought home. He done trying to find now. If I don't get it together, the dog ain't gonna eat, or I can't pay my bills, and this, and then I got this whole situation with the IRS over here that I was none the wise about. Now I got to pay them a 2,000 plus, like girls, and in the meantime, still staying caught up on everything, and like being the oldest, being a single mom throughout a whole military career, being just like you say, that strong one, the boom, boom, boom. I can take it for you. Yeah, I can I can take your pain. I can I can so you can be all right. Here's a little jokey joke, here's a little hood, here's a little something, something to for you to take your mind off of it. But like you said, coming here and these walls get to talking, and ain't nobody in here for me to to release or bounce ideas off, or to be like, okay, well, Peter, since you got that going on, I got this over here. I had to have everything. Yeah, and that pressure, baby, them pipes was about to burn, girl. Because it's like, you know what I'm saying? Like, my family doesn't come from money. I don't like it's what it's not like I had anybody that I could be like, hey, I just need this just to be good because I got ABCD EFG over here, right? And not have to worry about paying it back or it being thrown in my face. So you remember when I gave you, you know, and the girl, it was just can I tell you something that might oh go ahead.

SPEAKER_01 40:54

No, no, no, no, no, go ahead. I was gonna say something that may or or may not help. It's it's helping me, right? I'm not saying that I've totally cracked the code on this, but I definitely am seeing the light, is that good enough is good enough. So a lot of times I think people in people either either have our personalities or either in situations that we've been in, we think it has to be perfect. And sometimes perfect is is either perfect is is like a quest that can never really be reached. And sometimes you I for me was kind of gonna speak for me, I have to be good with good enough because a lot of times my good enough, you know, not to brag, is better than the perfect.

SPEAKER_02 41:40

No, like that's real because we're alpha females, right? We've been single parents for so long, then we've been in the military, and whether people want to admit is the military does kind of harden you a little bit, especially once as black women and senior in leadership positions, you kind of gotta be a little tough, right?

SPEAKER_01 42:02

Yeah, then throwing some deployments, girl, even only had one, so it'll put it on you, girl.

SPEAKER_02 42:09

Listen, I've been to Iraq, I done been to Afghanistan twice, so and then to the little fobs where you got to walk around with flashlights, so you already know, and then being medical on top of that, taking care of these people, so yeah, being having to be all of those things, like you said, being the strong one, because we've been all of those things, right? Nobody tells you, like you said, hey, you ain't gotta have it all together, but we do kind of have it all together. Then being the oldest, being the first person to leave the house to go do this, this, and this, to being the one where, hey, can I borrow this? Can I borrow that? It just, girl, I guess at 45, it just all reached his head, everything. Being just oh, like Lord, I just want to know what it feels like to be not have to worry. I want to know what it feels like to be the one being taken care of, the one being thought of and considered when making these decisions. You know what I'm saying? I want to be the one to just be like, babe, don't worry about it. Keep you on the check. I got this little check, excuse me.

SPEAKER_03 43:20

But okay.

SPEAKER_00 43:23

I'm offended, but I'm still gonna do it. But I'm gonna keep it. I got this retirement. But I'm okay with it.

SPEAKER_02 43:34

You know, I want to be the one to see to know what that feels like, to be genuinely thought of and taken care of, to be somebody's priority, because I've had to make other people a priority for 30 years, you know, to really truly feel not only feel what that know what that feels like, to but be able to receive it and not thinking that you're gonna. Throw it up in my face later, or I'm gonna have to pay it back later, or I got to do something strange for you to take care of me. But like to be with someone who genuinely just wants to take care of me, and not saying it has to be like that 24-7 because I'm not a selfish person, but to just be in a place where I know it's genuine, I don't have to worry about no backseas or you remember when you know because that's the worst.

SPEAKER_01 44:29

Don't ever, don't ever hit me with no.

SPEAKER_02 44:32

We good live, we good, immediate cutoff, like you could be on fire, and I could be riding past you in the box for a girl. I'll bust a you so like that wouldn't even spit on the cool you are. We good. I mean, when I say I will hit you with a bet so quick, can when I tell somebody bet, that means okay. Okay, bet. You ain't got to worry about me. You pretend like you don't know me because I'm big arms, you're not gonna do this. I'm gonna walk past you like a stranger on the street. Okay, ever in your life or any generation to come. Do you hear me?

SPEAKER_01 45:21

That is one way to quickly end a conversation because it's nothing else you can say to me after that. It's absolutely nothing else you can say to me. No, that's not me the whole thing. I mean, any and all conversations. You you have ended.

SPEAKER_02 45:38

As if we as if we never existed.

SPEAKER_01 45:41

As if, because you know what's really gotten good in 2025 for me. My block game is scrolling, not even just strong, it's scrong. I'm quick to block somebody right now because it's like, what am I doing? I don't want to, I don't want to explain it. Yes, I you know, back in the day I might have been like, oh, let me explain, or oh, let me give nope, you d you done show me who you are. I'm feeling the way, I feel as though I'm justified in my way, and I got 50, 11 other things, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 46:07

No, I'm not gonna be focusing on me too. I may not block you, but baby, my ignore game. You know how like with the with the dogs, how you could be sitting right next to them and talking to them and trying to get their attention, and they'd be like side-eyeing you, but then ignore that's me. I see you, but I'm not gonna acknowledge you. Like that little cat commercial with Misty and the lemma, and she slowly roll that limo window up. I'm missing nothing, girl. My ignore games, okay, and I won't even say nothing to you. I just slowly fade away from your life. I will fade to black on you. And you look up and we ain't talked in three, four months. Man, no, I will remove myself quickly.

SPEAKER_01 46:57

I mean, it's so as much as there have been lows in 2025, it's definitely been some highs and definitely some lessons learned and you know, tools added to the tool belt that you know that will be taken with me. Well, alrighty then, girl. That was the one, and we have reached the end. Already. I mean, we can keep traveling enough if you want to. Let me know if I need to keep recording or not. But uh, but yeah, that was that was it. That was that was this episode of a refreshing conversation. Good times. Good times.

SPEAKER_00 47:34

All right, that was fun. Yay, I'm glad you enjoyed it. I did.

SPEAKER_01 47:41

Thanks for listening. I hope you got some good laughs, some good vibes, and some great insight. Because there's always something to talk about when you have a refreshing conversation. Until next time.