Who We Are: The Love Story

What happens when childhood friends reconnect and discover a profound love that endures through life's toughest challenges? Join us in this heartwarming episode as we share the extraordinary journey of Troy and Shantel Brooks. From middle school friends to soulmates, their story reflects the beauty of personal growth, faith, and finding a love that feels divinely ordained. Hear how Shantel's pattern of dating men she wanted to fix and Troy's transformation from a ladies' man to a man of deeper values led them to each other.

You'll be captivated by their serendipitous reconnection through a simple Facebook message, leading to an unforgettable Valentine's Day training session. Listen to how meaningful conversations and setting clear boundaries laid the foundation for a relationship built on authenticity and intentionality. Troy and Shantel discuss the raw, honest moments that tested their connection and the unwavering commitment that saw them through. Their playful exchanges and heartfelt reflections offer valuable insights for anyone navigating the complexities of dating and relationships.

As they celebrate a decade of marriage, Troy and Shantel open up about overcoming infertility, financial struggles, and the transition from traditional roles to entrepreneurship. Through their unwavering faith and dedication to each other, they have not only survived but thrived. Inspired by Ephesians 4:2-3, they share their journey with the hope of inspiring others facing similar battles. Tune in for a powerful testament to the resilience of love, the importance of personal transformation, and the relentless pursuit of a partnership that truly glorifies God.

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Transcript

Love, Faith, and Business Alignment

Speaker 1 0:00

Welcome to the Spartaners Podcast, where faith, marriage and business align. We are your grateful hosts, Troy and Chantel Brooks. Yes.

Speaker 2 0:09

We have unlocked a cheat code to not only enrich your marriage, but also a way to bring glory to God's kingdom.

Speaker 1 0:16

Yes, indeed. So get ready for real stories, genuine testimonies and valuable life lessons shared with honesty, openness, vulnerability and what we hope to achieve from you guys' many laughs. We're excited to navigate this journey together.

Speaker 2 0:30

So over the next few episodes we'll dive deep into our love story, our business story, our faith story and the encounter we had of our lifetime.

Speaker 1 0:40

Yes, and today we will dive deep into our love story. So buckle up. You're in for a ride, let's go.

Speaker 2 0:47

All right. So far back long, long, long ago was a girl named Chantel, and so, no, seriously, troy and I were friends since middle school and, despite middle school being one of the most horrific times in my life, troy was definitely a pleasurable memory. Always chill, always cool, he always kept it platonic. Personally, as I just grew from middle school into high school, into even early college, I was always just drawn to the guy that all the girls wanted and the guy who knew that all the girls wanted him, and so I found myself in relationships where I was cheated on, lied to, used, taken advantage of, where I just felt like I was cheated on, lied to, used, taken advantage of where I just felt like I was trying to fix them. I was definitely a girl who found guys that she could fix or thought I could fix, not recognizing that that wasn't my job and so, as a fixer, those were a lot of the relationships that I found myself in.

Speaker 1 1:38

So that kind of started like that and that just that was the trajectory for the kind of guys that you dated throughout the existence of you dating guys.

Speaker 2 1:46

Pretty much, pretty much. However, through that journey, I started learning exactly what it is and who it is that I was more attracted to. Drawn to what I was not about, I started really learning myself. I didn't really talk to friends about certain like what is it that you like in a guy? Those conversations didn't really happen.

Speaker 2 2:04

I was reading books, that's's tv, right like that don't happen in real life I was definitely reading books but, like I don't know if any of y'all are out there like book smart, but when it comes to street smarts, I don't know. I was a little, I liked it a little bit um, and here comes troy. Yeah, and then here comes troy and I will say, prior to meeting troy, I was engaged.

Speaker 2 2:22

I knew when I was proposed to that it wasn't going to work but, because I didn't know at that time how to create that boundary, or just be honest, I said okay, knowing in the bottom of my heart and the top of my mind this was a mistake and this wasn't really going to last long, which it did not at all.

Speaker 1 2:38

Yeah, now I grew up you know what I'm saying. I'm glad that God kept us apart, because during that time I wasn't like the JV captain or anything like that in high school, but I was definitely best dressed class cutie, I was the ladies man, I was moving and shaking and that kind of was the trajectory of my life. Like that's where I was going, like I was a club promoter, I was mixing, I was mingling, I was a celebrity personal assistant and for me marriage wasn't even a thing I was interested in. Until a little later on in life, just like Chantel, I was engaged to be married and honestly, looking back at that, nothing is wasted. All is fair in love and war. But I definitely think I went into that engagement with all the wrong intentions. I went in it just for love and later on in life I found out that love is not enough to marry someone.

Speaker 2 3:28

Yeah, that's a whole episode right there. Listen to me, we will have to go down that rabbit hole one day.

Speaker 1 3:34

But for real, I found out that love wasn't enough. So to anyone listening out here who loves their partner, please listen to me with everything in your heart and your ears open, that love is not enough to marry someone like. Surprisingly, you're gonna find out later in life that your marriage isn't even actually for you. It's to glorify god. If you're happy in your marriage, that's a blessing, but it's actually not even for you. So later down the line I started to understand, you know, what marriage looked like for me, the kind of values that I wanted within a woman. So dating a multitude of women dating and really exploring that helped me kind of narrow down the focus of what I think a wife could look like. And it's funny what God can do in you and through you, because here I am thinking I'm going to have a Ferrari, a penthouse in Miami, somewhere, just moving and shaking. Never did I think that I would be like a married guy. So that's crazy how God works, you know, and that's my story.

Speaker 2 4:34

Yeah, well, it's funny how you say that God was just really working on you, because I felt the same exact thing for me. I remember reading like the 10 baddest B words of the Bible back in my 20s and Ruth was in that book and it was really talking about how important it was for Ruth to just almost like prepare herself for her Boaz right.

Speaker 2 4:52

And so that is what I took with me. It's like you know what. I can't just be out here just like picking up all these people who I just want to fix and change. I need to actually change myself.

Speaker 2 5:02

Come on now and so I went on a three-year abstinence run. I wasn't dating anyone, seeing anyone. I was just having a great old time in my 20s and really taking so much time to learn me. I changed my eating habits. I just changed so much about me internally that I truly believed. Helped me. One find God, because that is where I became baptized, amen. And two found you Come on now Again.

Speaker 1 5:27

Come on now, see. Similar to you. The same thing kind of happened for me, right? So when that engagement broke off, I could have been this bitter, jaded guy who was just like you know screw women, da-da-da-da-da. I'm just going to run in these streets and be wild. And God put something in my heart and I didn't even know at that time. It was like no, I still believe in love, I still believe that my person's out there, and while I'm waiting for God to bring that person into my life, I'm going to focus on becoming the best version of myself. During that time is the time when I got really fit. That, that time is the time when I got really fit. That's when I lost over 100 pounds. That's when God put me in the position to get into the fitness and wellness industry, which ultimately brought you back into my life.

Speaker 1 6:09

So God was working on me and fixing me and putting me in the position where I was able to actually attract you into my life. He said stay humble and fix your eyes on me. And that's what I did. I said, lord, I want to know you, I want to grow in our relationship. That's when I got baptized, that's when I started going to Hillsong. So I was really working on my mind, I was working on my body, I was working on my spirit and it ultimately brought me to you.

Speaker 2 6:30

So that's really crazy. So we have these two parallel lives happening in different area codes zip codes. And yet God knew exactly what he was doing by grooming both of us for each other which. I love and I love that you said that you weren't jaded, because if you look at my track record, there's no reason why I should have been excited to ever get married.

Speaker 2 6:51

But yet it was something that I saw in my parents that I valued, and so getting married was definitely something that I truly did want for me, but I wasn't going to settle.

Speaker 1 7:01

And so.

Unveiling a Relationship Through Conversations

Speaker 2 7:01

I'm just so grateful that God always allowed me to have a softened heart of hope where I knew that my Boaz, my Mr Troy, Brooks was just right around the corner. So let's talk about that. Let's talk about how we finally reconnected.

Speaker 1 7:16

Listen, man, first and foremost. Proverbs 18, 22 says the man who finds a wife finds treasure and he receives favor from the Lord. And I can't lie, chantel. We've had our ups, we've had our downs, we've been through the ringer, but one thing that God has done is he's blessed us and he's given us favor. He's given me favor with you in my life and I love you. I love you and I appreciate you.

Speaker 1 7:39

So y'all I love you, so y'all, I'm bad with the years, but many moons ago, when your boy still had a wavy tape fade slash Caesar situation and the muscles was muscling, I was in the training industry and as a personal trainer I was marketing my business independently at a gym in Midtown Manhattan. Now the crazy thing is the photo that got Chantel. I took that photo at a New York sports club in the city that had brand new sexy turf floors. It was amazing.

Speaker 2 8:08

It was a great photo. It was a great photo, right.

Speaker 1 8:10

And I was using that photo to promote my business. The thing was, that's not where I was training at. The place I was training at did not look as sexy as that.

Speaker 2 8:19

But either way, but the man in the photo did. Come on now is that.

Speaker 1 8:25

But either way, the man in the photo did come on now I'm getting me, but that photo was the photo that got chantelle's attention at that time. I've removed all photos, videos, any content that had my ex-fiancee in it. I definitely was like hashtag rebrand all right, brand new things ain't putting new wine and old wine skins out here. So we did, we did a rebrand on that page and chantelle went there. She said said right.

Speaker 2 8:44

Well, yeah, we got to run it back just a little bit though.

Speaker 1 8:46

We got to run it back a little bit.

Speaker 2 8:47

So Troy mentioned that he was a party promoter and he used to always invite me to parties just to come. You know, I was a pretty girl, I liked to hang out, like to dance, have fun, and so he invited weekend, and not for any reason. She curved me every time, but not for any reason, just because I was busy or had other plans or didn't want to go to the city or whatever the case was. But then one day my friend ran into him in LA and she hits me up on Facebook like, oh my God. I ran into Troy and I was like really, let me check out, let me see what.

Speaker 2 9:20

Troy's up to these days and for some reason I cared to look on Facebook to just see him in a different light. Or I didn't even know I was going to see him in a different light. But God, truly, the spirit was moving in my mind and said take a look.

Speaker 2 9:32

And so I took a look and then I saw that there was a rebrand on that page where there was no lady in his life, but what I did see was that he loved to eat out, he loved to still have a good time, he was always with his family, friends, he went to church, he served at church, y'all, and these were the characteristics that I was definitely looking for. Not to mention he was sexy. He loved to work out and just had that entrepreneurial hustler, just vibe to him. So I had to hit him up on Facebook on that same chat that invited me to all the clubs I was like hey, so I see you back in New York.

Speaker 2 10:08

Are you training?

Speaker 1 10:10

And then what happened? Every time I look back at that chat I just shake my head. I didn't see the signs, the flirtatious signs, the little XOs after the messages. I'm paying it no mind, because every party I ever asked you to come to you curved me. So I just put you in this category of like, all right, I'm going to send something, maybe she'll show up when she shows up. But I had no intentions for anything more. But Chantel reached out to me one day and was like hey, you training? And I was like, yeah, I'm like, these are my packages, blah, blah, blah, come in. And she came in and we did an assessment and I'm looking at Chantel and I'm like man, like I can't go against my code as a trainer.

Speaker 2 10:45

But she looks good, and he was taller than me and I was taller than her.

Speaker 1 10:49

Can y'all believe it? I was actually taller than her. So here I am, taller than her. The muscles is muscling. You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 2 10:55

Your boy's feeling good and I didn't feel it immediately, but I, like this, feels different, you know, and so Chantel trained we did our assessment and then and, by the way, I knew exactly what.

Speaker 1 11:11

I was there. Yes, she did, she did. I was so naive like I'm usually not naive I could read the room. I didn't need a trainer, y'all I did not need to come definitely into New York City to get trained the lie the lie about oh, I'm getting ready for this wedding and I got it, fam, you was ready, you came in there ready to go. If anybody knows chantelle, y'all know she was ready. If you know chantelle, you know she don't need a trainer. She still don't need a trainer. But here we are right.

Speaker 2 11:35

So we're working out and we're doing the assessment and we leave, and then you know, the next training session happened to the next training session was supposed to be on Valentine's Day, coincidentally, and so before we leave, like, oh my goodness, valentine's Day is the next session. If you have a date, no worries, we can cancel it and just resume next week.

Speaker 1 11:55

And I was like nah, I'm good, we could do it. I'm here to make my money. I got to work. I'm here to make my money, I got to work. I'm a businessman.

Speaker 2 12:01

And then he gave me an invitation to cancel if I had a date.

Speaker 1 12:04

I said, you know, if you got something to do, handle your business.

Speaker 2 12:06

And I said, no, I'd rather work out. But then what he did say is well, then, let's work out and grab a drink afterwards.

Speaker 1 12:12

I did. We were friends. It's platonic.

Speaker 2 12:17

It's just let's catch a vibe. That Absolutely.

Speaker 1 12:18

And then we went out for drinks.

Speaker 2 12:20

Yeah.

Speaker 1 12:20

The spa was across the street. It was on like 50, what was that? Like 45th between 5th and 6th.

Speaker 2 12:25

Resetti 57? Something like that. The spa was a vibe. Shout out to Resetti if you're still open. Yeah, if you're still open man.

Speaker 1 12:32

And when we got there, chantel just turned the oven on hot immediately and started asking me some wild questions. Y'all Like Wild questions. Y'all Like questions that you don't just ask somebody that you're trying to catch a drink with.

Speaker 2 12:42

I wanted to know. So what's the relationship with your mom like? Tell me about the relationship with your father. Where do you see yourself in five to ten years?

Speaker 1 12:50

Do you want children?

Speaker 2 12:51

How many children? Why do you want children? What do you want to be known for?

Speaker 1 12:56

What is your FICO score? Asking me all these questions, and like a G the G that I am I answered everything. I answered every question, and then she proceeded to take things to another level.

Speaker 2 13:07

Because that was not enough.

Speaker 1 13:08

That wasn't enough. My wife is AKA doing the most and she had to do the most that day and let me know that she is the queen of doing the most. She asked me if I would take a strength finder test. If anyone on this podcast is listening right now knows what a strength finder test is. That is a test that you usually give to your corporate teams to see what their strengths are, to see how they could actually help each other grow and grow the business. This is what she wanted me to take.

Speaker 1 13:32

And the crazy man that I am. I said yes. I said sure, I'll do it.

Speaker 2 13:36

Now for the record, the strength finder test is really awesome to have a strength based team, and so I said why would I want a partner who I don't?

Speaker 1 13:45

know his strengths.

Speaker 2 13:45

I know what I feel like, my strengths are, what I know my strengths are, but I want to know yours, and who knew that at that time how important that would be for the remainder and the current status of our relationship today, for our way in working together professionally. That was seeds y'all. That was again God just planting seeds.

Speaker 2 14:04

And also for the record number two. I was never that girl to just ask questions straight out. I was never that girl to just be like oh so like, tell me about this, I need this. I was very assertive and literally of all the people I dated, I've never come with that level of heat, that level of strength and confidence, conviction in who I am as a woman, but because nothing is wasted and because God was grooming me from the early stages of when I started dating, he really helped me see exactly who I was as a daughter in his eyes and who he wanted for me as my husband.

Speaker 2 14:38

And so, when speaking with Troy, I already knew that there was something really special about our relationship and our dynamic, even though it was a friendship at that point. But I just, I just, I don't know y'all the spirit had me. He was just like listen, this is what you're going to do. And because of his ability to just answer the question so honestly, so vulnerably, so just trans and willingly, he had me. I was like all right, all right now. And willingly.

Navigating Relationship Boundaries and Growth

Speaker 1 15:02

He had me. I said all right, all right now, chantel. I don't know why I was so willing to do that. I don't know why I was just like sure I'll do that, but I knew that. That was the moment when I started to feel something Like when we were sitting there. I was like, okay, this is different. Not only is this woman beautiful, intelligent, loves to work out, fun, really chill and confident, but the confidence thing. I felt like you knew your value and you knew what you wanted.

Speaker 1 15:27

And I know, even in that phase of my life I told you I could have been bitter, I could have been like I'm just going to run these streets, blah blah, blah, blah, blah. I was in a space in my life already where I was like God, I'm starting to become ready for what it is. I was doing the process of elimination. I told you I was dating a few people at that time and I was in a season in my life where I'm like I'm dating with the intention of finding someone to settle down with. So I think God just knew Troy answered these questions, answered them authentically, answered them with patience, and he just put something on my heart that I didn't even know or have the language, a lot of the things that we're talking about now. Back then, we didn't have the language to even understand what that was, so it's beautiful to witness what he's done.

Speaker 2 16:09

Yeah, absolutely. And so for our friends out there who are seriously dating or engaged, or just those of you who just come across this episode and like, hmm, what are some gems they're dropping? Episode and like, hmm, what are some gems they're dropping If you are still single, it is so important that you ask the questions that you really feel convicted to ask. There are so many women who I've spoken to are like, oh, I don't know, if you know I don't want to ask, I don't want to seem too intrusive, I just want to like let it go, like take it slow. Taking it slow, absolutely great.

Speaker 2 16:39

And if there are questions that you need to know answers to, so that way you know you are working in alignment with where your spirit wants to lead you as far as marriage life goes, or just like your love life goes, then ask those questions. If that person is unwilling to answer them, or that person is just resistant, like why do you need to know? Then that speaks volumes to you. And so if they are not ready to answer the questions that you want to ask, then that is fine. They're on prerogative, but it's important for you to see that, for you to give them that opportunity, so that way you can have what you need to make the decision for you.

Speaker 1 17:13

Absolutely. I think you nailed that and I would say just again same thing, reiterating exactly what Chantel said, but just also understanding like your antennas should go up, because if the person is looking for something serious, if the person is truly looking to level up and find someone that they want to settle down with, they're not going to have a problem answering those questions. They might be like well, that's a lot for day one, so you might have to gradually breadcrumb. You know what I'm saying? Don't just all guns blazing Everyone's not going to be as receptive as I was but go into these dates with the intention of finding out who the person that you're sitting in front of truly is, where their values are, do they align with you, so that you can see if you actually see yourselves going in the same direction. You could save yourself a lot of frustration, a lot of resentment and a lot of heartbreak by asking the tough questions and if they value you or they value the potential of what you guys can have, then answer those questions.

Speaker 2 18:03

Yes, and when they answer them, accept them. Do not kind of accept them with the hope that you can change them. Like, oh, they said they don't want kids now, but let them just wait, you know, two years. They're going to change their mind. Or they said that you know they haven't worked through this event. That has happened in their life previously. But you know they're going to go to therapy. That's fine. But again you have to accept that they haven't. And then there's going to be things that you're going to need to work through. So whatever they say to you, accept it.

Speaker 1 18:29

Amen, and that's a mental. Take a mental note. Take a mental note, park that thing, put a pin in it and then revisit it. If it's something that you feel like, it's a non-negotiable you know what I'm saying, don't fold on the non-negotiables.

Speaker 2 18:40

Non-negotiables. That's a whole nother thing.

Speaker 1 18:44

We got episodes coming down the line, y'all Boundaries and non-negotiables, so important.

Speaker 2 18:49

So you do the Strength Finder test and you answer my 101 questions.

Speaker 1 18:54

Yes.

Speaker 2 18:55

And, as he mentioned, he was dating a few people but just really trying to figure out who was going to be his girl.

Speaker 1 19:01

Yeah.

Speaker 2 19:02

And it was me.

Speaker 1 19:03

Yes.

Speaker 2 19:03

Yes. So we started dating exclusively and we only actually dated for like two months before we needed to take a break and we broke up y'all, yes, yes, we broke up because in the time that we were talking, yes, we had lots of fun serving at church together, but I started seeing something in Troy that I wasn't really meshing well with. He was, at the time, just a little bit loose with his words when it came to his friends or family Never with me at that time and so I was like you know what I'm not even going to give you an opportunity to talk to me crazy, because I'm watching how you talk to your friends the closest people to you and I don't want that. So I told him that he needed to work on that if he wants a chance to be with me. But in the meantime, we're going to have to break up.

Speaker 1 19:48

Absolutely, and I'll never forget like we had just came back from a vacation. The vacation was great. I kind of was blindsided, right.

Speaker 1 19:56

It was bad you know it was bad, but I think at that vacation she was just like, yeah, this isn't it. And if I got to be honest and transparent with everyone, this is an area where I needed to mature, this is an area where God needed to grow me and I really love and appreciate who Chantel is, and I knew that that was a clear sign for me that I had found my wife, because I met a woman who truly understands her value and sees herself in the image of who Christ sees her as. And at that time again, I didn't have the language, but I was like this woman is not playing games, she's not here for it. So for me, at that time when we broke up, that was really time for me to focus on myself, really focus on unlearning some of the behaviors and then also having honest conversations with her. I'm not placing blame, but a lot of relationships that I was in prior to being with Chantel were toxic relationships. The problem here is, what happened is due to some of the past relationships.

Speaker 1 20:52

I started to normalize dysfunction and normalize behaviors that are not acceptable. And the thing is, when you're dealing with someone who is whole, when you're dealing with someone who is confident, when you're dealing with someone who says, hey, I have a boundary in front of this, like I have to protect myself. That should show you something. You know what I mean. I'm so happy and so grateful that I was able to unlearn a lot of those things.

Speaker 1 21:14

So, ladies, gentlemen, sometimes you have to take a step back and look at some of the behaviors and you have to look at the man or look at the woman in the mirror and truly ask yourself am I operating in dysfunction? Have I normalized unhealthy, toxic behavior that I should not normalize within my life? And sometimes you got to take a step back and then you have to unlearn those things. I was able to gain the respect of my wife. I was able to gain the respect of my friends. I started treating my friends better, talking to them better, and that's something that I had to learn. We all have things to learn. We all have things to grow from.

Speaker 2 21:47

And I was one grateful that I can actually even deliver that, because, as you mentioned, we were on a good vacation, but it was still something that was like brewing in me and I think something happened and I just was like, ah, okay, this is it. And what growth for me. Because again, mrs Fix it, I was really spiritually evolving, where I again, mrs Fix-It, I was really spiritually evolving, where I again knew my value, knew my worth and knew what boundaries and non-negotiables I was going to have. And so I'm just so grateful for all those relationships I had, because it prepared me with the shield and with the armor to be able to say you know what, no, I'm not going to allow myself to experience this or tolerate this. And then it wasn't even happening to me yet, but I saw it as a red flag or as a cautionary flag. And so that's the first thing.

Speaker 2 22:32

But the second thing is it takes so much discipline and obedience and really knowing your own self and believing in your own self to be able to receive feedback and say you know what You're right. And that is something that I've always valued with Troy because literally since day one, he is so quick to say you know what I'm wrong and this is something I need to fix. And it's very few times. Very seldomly do you ever have to repeat yourself twice to him, because he learns. And so he took that breakup seriously in the point of, yeah, he still had a little fun, but he did the work. He did the work.

Love, Friendship, and Commitment

Speaker 1 23:08

Yes, yes, absolutely, and I definitely did have a little fun. But again, a blessing, because in that time of trying to get over you but also fix myself, like I learned, the grass ain't always greener out there during that time. Yeah, I'm gonna say it right now in front of everybody the grass ain't always greener in these streets. So just a reminder. But I'm glad that during that time of reflection and dating and moving around, that God gave me a revelation. I said I can't do this anymore. I miss Chantel, I want Chantel, and that's when I decided I was going to propose to you.

Speaker 2 23:44

All of that? Yes, it didn't happen that way.

Speaker 1 23:47

But you know, for some reason you decided to reach out to me.

Speaker 2 23:50

Yeah, yeah. So of course, while he's working on himself, I also see the grass isn't greener and I also see my own ways that I need to grow, and so I definitely tapped in and said, hey, like what's up how you doing? And we started just like hanging out every now and then. And then one day I gave him a call and said like hey, I need to see you. And it was at a different tone.

Speaker 1 24:13

Yes.

Speaker 2 24:14

At a different hour. It was like 8 pm, I wasn't crazy.

Speaker 1 24:17

It was a little later than that.

Speaker 2 24:19

Okay.

Speaker 1 24:20

I was at that point in my life. I was at a Kanye West concert on a date y'all and I always pray through this one All is fair in love and war and I tried to explain to the young lady that I have to leave. I was like I know we're here and this is crazy, we're at this Kanye concert in Brooklyn, but I have to go. And I literally left at the concert and met up with you and the rest is history. And I tried to explain to left at the concert and met up with you and the rest is history. And I tried to explain to her at the time. I said I'm leaving and I know this is going to hurt, but I'm going to leave to be with the person that I'm going to marry. I knew at that very moment and I hate that it hurt and that it had to go down the way it did. I prayed over it, I've spoken good words to the young lady and everything.

Speaker 2 25:02

But I had to go.

Speaker 1 25:03

Yeah, Because God has something in store for me and I was not going to miss that blessing.

Speaker 2 25:05

Right. So you left and you came to me, and then, one month later, we got engaged.

Speaker 1 25:10

Crazy.

Speaker 2 25:11

Yes, and so I just want to take a moment to just pause and say how important it is to do your own inner healing, your own inner work on your soul, your heart, your mind. There's so much work to do within yourself and when you are dating or trying to find your partner, so much of us just wants what we want. But then you really need to ask yourself would I want me, right? Would I date?

Speaker 1 25:35

me, would I marry me. Am.

Speaker 2 25:37

I actually ready to be the wife that I foresee myself being. What do I need to change within myself? Or work on within myself, or heal within myself, or ask God for healing in me, so that way I can be that partner that I actually foresee myself being. So yeah, so we got engaged and got married about nine months later and we celebrate 10 years on September 21st of 2024. Crazy, high five, high five.

Speaker 1 26:04

Love it Awesome. So you know life gets crazy sometimes. There's no linear road to what it's supposed to look like for you and it's not always pretty, but thank God, we serve a God who is merciful, who is kind and who has something in store for us if we are smart enough to pay attention. So anyone that's out there who is dating someone and it just doesn't feel like it's a good thing. More importantly, if it doesn't feel like it's a God thing, I really encourage you to pray on it fast. Do what you need to do, but make room for what God is trying to do in your life, and if it doesn't feel like it's a God thing, it might not even be a good thing.

Speaker 2 26:43

Absolutely. Can you just speak on? Why did like? How did you know that I was going to be your wife? Or how did you know you wanted to ask me to marry you?

Speaker 1 26:53

Again, the grass isn't always greener. I think it's really important to understand your value and I know immediately. When you broke up with me, it hurt me a lot and my ego got in the way and I was like this is summer in New York, I'm just going to be outside, whatever.

Speaker 1 27:05

I finally took that approach. That ain't it, y'all. When you're home alone, when you have time to be by yourself, when you're not out with your friends, when you're not moving and shaking and you have to sit with yourself, that's when the thoughts really started to hit me about what I was doing, how I was living my life, and how it just didn't feel good. And there were days when I missed you. There were days when I missed you. I missed our connection, I missed our conversations. I just missed your presence. With that time, there was time for a lot of self-reflection about who I was and the man that I wanted to be, and I felt like I was falling short. So, again, looking the man in the mirror and trying to do the best I can. So I ain't gonna lie to you, I read a lot of books during that time too.

Speaker 2 27:50

So men are from Mars, women- are from Venus, like I actually read that book before.

Speaker 1 27:52

But I had to like dust that thing off and bring it back and really just understand the difference between us and really focus on what I can do to show up to be the best I can for you. So I was. I was getting myself ready. I had no idea you were going to call me, but I said, if she does call me, I'm going to be the man that she needs me to be. I'm going to be the man that God wants me to be and I'm going to step up.

Speaker 1 28:09

I knew I wanted to marry you.

Speaker 2 28:11

So it sounds like you knew you wanted to marry me because of the confidence that I had and because of the way that I showed up.

Speaker 1 28:18

Absolutely Clearly. I think you're the most beautiful woman alive. I'm not just saying that If y'all on the camera look at her. She's beautiful. She's gorgeous, she's always been beautiful, but again, it was a posture of your heart. The reasons that I fell in love with you anyway were, obviously, I thought you were beautiful, but you were a friend right. So we had this established foundation of friendship. I think friendship is super important in a marriage. I'm going to say that one more time.

Speaker 1 28:41

Friendship is extremely important in a marriage. It's not just about loving the person you're with. You actually need to like them. You should want to spend time with them. We live in this culture where it's like yo. People are like why do you want to be with your wife? Because she's dope. She's the person I love being with. So I missed that part when we broke up. You know what I mean. It was things like that that really made me fall in love with you and I was like I don't see this with anyone else. I don't want it with anyone else. I want it with you. But I also wanted you to know that, if you were going to take me back, that I was in it for the long haul and I was serious.

Speaker 2 29:14

Yeah, I totally agree, it was your heart posture. It was friendship first. We say friendship first, like over everything, friends First.

Speaker 2 29:27

We say friendship, first like over everything friends, then lovers, then business partners, and I'm so grateful that we had that friendship from like early stages. But then also when we got back together because we knew how to have fun together, we had a similar hobby interests. We had like same kind of palette. We enjoy doing the same kind of things. But beyond that, we also really had servant hearts where we both felt like called to serve within ministry and in churches and we both really loved family and spending time with each other. We wanted to create our own kind of family and so we also love to travel and so, again, these are these things.

Speaker 2 30:00

But beyond that, we used to joke because of my profession was always like your nine to five typical career. He was the entrepreneur. I love that. He had this entrepreneurial spirit and at the time I never thought that we would ever get into business together. But I said you know what? That's the kind of man that I want to be with, because when, when Ish hits the fan, I know he going to take care of us, because of his hustler way, and I didn't see it again in myself at the time.

Overcoming Challenges in Marriage

Speaker 2 30:26

but I just trusted the fact that, with his skill set, that we were going to be all right no matter what happened. And so, yeah, so he married me for my benefits and I married him because I knew he was going to take us far, but he brought the passion to what he did at the time. So, yeah, those were the reasons why I wanted to marry you beyond God, just really just moving me to just be all about you.

Speaker 1 30:48

Yeah, and that's great Cause you know, in today's society, provision looks different and what you know, we oh man, they got to bring home the bacon, we got to be providers blah, blah, blah, blah, blah Everything that society says.

Speaker 1 30:58

You were the breadwinner in our family for a long time, but God has given me he's casting me vision right, and with the vision, that vision, some of that vision, is rubbed off on you and I was able to spark something inside of you to show you that nothing is wasted, show you all the talents and things that you've done in the past that have got us to where we are now, where you're an entrepreneur, we're entrepreneurs together. So, like, god has given us not only like the stability standpoint, but just new life. You wanted to be with me because I'm the fun guy who's going to open up these doors, but now God has put us in a position where it's like, no, he can open these doors, but now you guys are opening these doors together. So that's the thing that is just so awesome to me. It's like you go into something thinking it's going to be one thing and God is just like no, I'm going to blow your mind to most people's love stories.

Speaker 2 31:42

We have that yin-yang relationship. We have yin-yang personalities. We are so opposite from each other but by the grace of God and through the 10 years that we've been married, we've been able to learn how to really leverage and optimize those differences to work for our love, to work for our connection, for our intimacy, for our relationship, for our parenting, because we've endured some hardships in these last 10 years, everything from infertility to loss of income, to parenting, to finding a place to live.

Speaker 1 32:15

We lived in seven different places in 10 years. We've moved around a lot.

Speaker 2 32:19

Yeah, we've. We individually have dealt with, you know rejection with perfectionism with being a workaholic.

Speaker 1 32:26

Yeah, relocation, honestly for me. You know weight gain was a serious thing For us tribe friends being in a new place, trying to find your community. And then financial hardship. You know we were blessed beyond belief with resources that we just didn't steward properly and, thank God, god has given us an opportunity to come back and to do things better. But these are a lot of the things that we've been battling since coming together.

Speaker 2 32:48

And even, most recently, loss of loved ones. And so we've experienced in our marriage so many different challenges and obstacles that at any moment could have truly divided us. But because we were friends, because we value God first in our relationship, followed by each other, and because we really, really love going over our love story just to talk about all the reasons and ways that we have already had to overcome to get together to begin with, it truly has allowed for our love story to continue to flourish and be enriched. And in our next episode, when we talk about our business journey, you'll see just how we were able to bring our love story from floor one to floor like 10. We never knew. We never knew that the love that we share for each other can become deeper, can become more fruitful, more blessed. We never knew that we can have this sort of love. And so we're excited to share our next story with you all about our business journey, because it has such a great connection to our love story.

Speaker 1 33:48

Amen. I'm so excited, man. This has been a great episode and we hope that you guys learn something here. We hope that you see something in this episode that resonates with you. I hope that this episode, that our honesty, that our vulnerability, frees some of you, because I understand that some of these things that we were going through had us captive and we feel that we are free from these things. So we pray that these things also free you, man. This episode was great, chantel, and there's definitely a scripture that came to mind when we were talking and I just wanna bless the folks with that.

Speaker 1 34:19

So this one is Ephesians 4, verses two through three, in a new, living translation Always be humble and gentle, be patient with each other, making allowance for each other's faults because of your love. Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the spirit, binding yourselves together with peace. We've shared a lot about who we are today. Obviously, we are fleshly human beings. Who we are today? Obviously, we are fleshly human beings. We are going to make mistakes, but we have been blessed to have softened hearts, to meet each other with love, compassion and understanding, knowing that we're not perfect, we're not always going to get it right, but if we stay together as that triple-braided cord with Jesus in the center that we can withstand anything. We've been through a lot and we know that there's much more that we'll go through. It's always about peaks and valleys in this life, but that we stand together with God in the center and if you guys do that within your marriage, the relationships that you're building you can stand the test of time.

Speaker 2 35:17

Praise God. Praise God, let's close out in prayer.

Speaker 1 35:20

Yeah, let's pray. We're praying on the podcast. Why not? Why not? Heavenly Father, spirit of the living God, we thank you, lord. Thank you for the opportunity to get on these mics today and preach your good news with honesty, integrity and, lord, with your authority.

Speaker 1 35:36

May this podcast free some people, lord, from things that are keeping them captive. Lord, may this podcast free people from thinking that they have to have it all together and that they can't get it together with their spouse. Lord, we pray that this podcast episode glorifies your kingdom and helps to enrich marriages. Help people that are seriously dating and engaged find that with you in the center of their life, lord, they can do exceedingly and abundantly more than they can ever think or imagine. Lord, as this podcast continues to grow, we ask that it just glorifies you. Helps people stay together, come together and live in peaceful, holy matrimony, lord, with you in the center of their lives. There is only one cheat code y'all. The biggest cheat code on this podcast is Jesus. Lord, we love you, we honor you, we praise you and we pray that people see you on this podcast. In your mighty name, we pray.

Speaker 2 36:33

Amen, well, until next time now.

Speaker 1 36:39

Peace.