The Work Within: Overcoming Addiction and the Journey of Letting Go (with Eric Witte)

On this episode, we’re diving deep into the journey of overcoming addiction and the grief of leaving old habits behind.

Joining us today is Eric Witte, a longtime friend, former bandmate, and someone who has walked an incredible path of transformation. Eric has been sober for the last decade and has since worked in commercial substance abuse and mental health, holding various roles at facilities across the country. Before dedicating himself to this field, Eric worked in special education and toured in several bands, living a life he’s since evolved from.

In this episode, we discuss:

• The often overlooked roots of addiction and the common struggles on the path to recovery.
• How grief and loss manifest when leaving behind old habits, friendships, and social circles.
• The key motivations behind making life-changing decisions to overcome addiction.
• The improvements in life, relationships, and mental health that follow after choosing sobriety.
• Advice for those dealing with addiction and guidance for loved ones supporting someone in their recovery.

Eric’s story of overcoming addiction is one of strength, reflection, and resilience, and we hope it offers encouragement to those facing similar battles. His personal insights, combined with his professional experience in the workplace, create a relatable and powerful narrative for anyone seeking change or supporting someone through it.

Tune in and join the conversation on Overcoming Addiction and Grief.

Keywords: Addiction recovery, sobriety, mental health, grief, lifestyle change, leaving habits behind, resilience, support systems, emotional well-being
--------------------
DISCLAIMER: The Underwire Podcast provides content for informational purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Jess is not a medical professional, and the opinions expressed on this podcast are based on personal experiences, research, and general knowledge. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regar

• ALL LINKS HERE
• Instagram: @TheUnderwireOfficial
• Now on TikTok!: @TheUnderwireOfficial
• 1:1 Coaching: START HERE to Learn More!

Transcript

2:01

Hello everyone and welcome back to the Underwire podcast, offering support where life needs it. I'm your host, Jess, joined by my co-host, Ryan. And on today's episode, I've invited a friend of many, many years and former bandmate, Eric Witte, to share his wild ride of overcoming addiction. In this episode, we'll touch on some of the most commonly overlooked reasons of what addiction actually stems from. We're gonna talk about some of the biggest challenges faced and the motivation behind making the significant lifestyle changes in order to overcome it, while exploring the feelings of grief that may also come along with leaving. behind old habits, relationships, and social circles. We'll also be discussing how life has improved since making these changes and offer advice for others struggling with similar experiences, including guidance for loved ones supporting someone who may be experiencing or going through these transitions. Eric has been sober for the last decade, and that is so awesome. He has since worked in commercial substance abuse and mental health throughout the country, holding multiple roles within facilities in Indiana, Pennsylvania, and New Jersey. Prior to working in this field, he worked in special education and toured. in several bands over the years I think Eric has a tremendously impactful story to, and I just wanna preface all of this by saying that I am extremely thankful that he has wanted to share his journey on this podcast episode today for all of you to hear. It's a really great one I'm really excited for you to hear all of this. All right, well that's enough of me waffling. Let's get into it. Hi Eric, thank you for joining us. Hello, hello. Thank you so much for coming in today and for being a part of this. I'm really excited to hear all about your story. I'm admittedly rather nervous. Don't be nervous. I have a fan on me, I'm sweating. I actually brushed my teeth before this. Thank you. I apologize to everyone who has to hear the sound of my voice. Every time I hear my voice outside of where it's coming out of my mouth, now I'm like, that's what I sound like. And that's probably why I enjoy texting so much, because you don't have to hear the sound of my. Your voice isn't bad. I feel like everybody feels that way, though, about their own voice, so you're not alone. Your voice isn't bad is not a very soothing thing to say, though, Eric. Your voice is like that of an angel. All it's very calming. I am concerned about what you ate before you spoke with us, though, that you were like, oh, I got to brush my. teeth I just wanted to be prepared. I actually had some cheesy eggs, you know, a little post-gym meal. Okay, what kind of cheese are we talking here? Some sharp cheddar, shredded. Ooh, shredded. Nice! Just the way I like them. Just the way I like it, post-gym. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. So, Eric, can you tell us a little bit about yourself? Sure, I'm Eric. I'm just a regular person. You invited me on this podcast today because we've known each other for a while. However, my life has drastically changed since then. I am a little over 10 years sober now, free of drugs and alcohol, and I've basically like turned my entire life around, my entire perspective on life and myself. all of these other things and surprised I’m alive today. But here I am. So you gave me the topic stuff I’m pretty passionate about; I enjoy talking about I could probably go on for a really, really, really, really long time. I’m just a normal person, I would say. I go to work, but I lost my job on Friday. I already have a new job. So let’s go. Yeah, it’s Tuesday. Just living life. Things are good. So Eric and I, actually, Eric and I go way back. Eric was in My Turn to Win with me for a little bit of time, which I forgot about until recently. But My Turn to Win had a rotating bunch of for sure. And when I was writing the, I was like, oh, that’s Right, Eric was in My Turn to Win too. I forgot, so there's that. But yeah, Eric and I have been friends for a very, very long time. Thank you again so much for doing this today; I really appreciate it. Thank you for having me. Yeah, of course. Can you tell us about your story, share the journey of overcoming addiction? I know that you were previously straight edge. What motivated you to make this change and just kind of just share your journey with us? So I'll tell you that I got sober in April of 2024, and not a lot of people know this. In 2023, I got addicted to I had been doing pills for several years, and no one knew because I was around a whole bunch. of people that didn't do drugs. The long and the short version of it is I was living out of my car, came to New Jersey, I was doing as much heroin as I could possibly do every single day. I had a trunk full of stolen goods. I'd sleep in my car. I generated enough money to stay in a lovely craft motel, and all I really knew was I needed to get high. I was stealing from friends, families, all my loved ones, strangers, all of this stuff, and really no one had any idea that this was going on. And I never thought that my life would turn out that way, and I was just kind of like stuck where I didn't know how to stop. I knew I needed to stop, but I had gotten in so deep that It was kind of like, what's the point? Nothing's ever gonna change. You know, why is this happening to me? How could I let this happen? This is everyone else's fault, that sort of thing. You know, real victim mode mentality. And I had gotten the opportunity to go to treatment. I was 32 at the time, I had no job and no friends. You know, no one wanted anything to do with me. I don't blame them. And you know, I got the opportunity to go to treatment. I went to Florida in April, and I just knew that I wanted, I needed to get out of there. You know, I needed to get away from this. I didn't know anything about recovery, really. Didn't really want to be sober, I just wanted. to stop living the way that I was living. Far cry from the person that you knew, Jess. But at that time, like, I wasn't really a person, you know? Like, I had no self-esteem, I had no self-confidence. I cared so much about what other people thought. I would just say mean and hurtful things because I was a miserable person. And I had no real direction. I didn't really want— didn't know what I wanted to do with life. Except like, so yeah, it's been a little over 10 years now. That's incredible! Well, first of all, congrats to that. Like, I'm so proud of you for how far you've come, and you really are right about the drastic person change that you were 20 years. ago when I first met you, even prior to probably any sort of drugs or anything like that, you have grown so much as a person. And for that, I'm so proud of you. So that's amazing. But you're absolutely right, I had no idea that when all of this was happening and I feel like you and I were pretty close, I had no idea. And that's wild to me that you were struggling with that and just kept it hidden. I had no idea. And I'm sorry that I had no idea. But no one knew. I was able to hide it from everyone. It started as a little thing here, or, and then just as addiction gets going, it was all consuming and nothing else mattered except being high. Because for me being high was that self-esteem boost that confidence boost I wasn't angry; I was happy. I could be social; I didn't care about what you thought. This was like the it thing that everyone else had, that all these normal people had when they went to work and they had their happy relationships and their successful jobs and their popularity and their friends and the good relationship with their family and things like that. So I wanted to feel this way all the time because I was just angry all of the time, and I didn't really know anything else. And that was no way to live. No, all of that makes so much sense. And I can definitely see why you would want to feel that way. That makes a lot of sense. What I am curious about, if you don't mind sharing, is how did you hide it so well? What were some of the things that you did to hide that from people? No one knew. In our circle, we had different intersecting circles. We had our friends who drank, and we had our friends who were straight edge, and we had a few friends who smoked weed and a few friends that occasionally did coke. But nobody did opiates. Nobody was a part of that world. And if they were, they were not readily in our circle. So no one knew what to look for. No one knew the signs, nothing like that, unless you also were doing it, which again was fairly few and far between back then. So how would you know? No one would know. There had been plenty of times, like I don't think I was sober the entire time I was in My Turn to Win. To be honest with you, I can't even remember. There was a perfect example; I ran into the first time I ran into Mark, right? And he's like, I haven't seen you. I was gonna go blah; I don't remember any of this stuff, but I went and tried out for one of his bands, and I went out there to their practice. I don't remember any of I have zero recollection. And I knew that I was in, right? But if you remember, it was always like Eric's struggling with this injury or I don't have a job or this out of the other thing I was able to use my depression and anxiety and oh my hard luck I've got bad luck with this this injury as an excuse. You And then there wasn't really like this huge awareness of mental health and this huge addiction crisis going on, cause it was happening right here in our backyards between South Jersey and Philadelphia for the longest time. That's been the hub of opioid addiction in the country, possibly even the world. So we were just kind of like ignorant to it, that this is all going on because we were all doing other things. Well, with that being said that you're in this hub of opiate addiction and I understand that drugs are, but what I'm saying, I guess, is the word is out before you do heroin, that you know that it's an addictive thing, right? And not a whole lot of positive press around heroin. So, were you just at such a low point in your life that you were like, I don't care about what the ultimate negative aspects are gonna be because I need to feel good now? So, it doesn't matter if I'm cutting things short. In a roundabout way, yes, right? Because nobody knows that they're gonna become an alcoholic the first time they take a drink, right? Nobody knows that they're gonna get addicted to the pills that a doctor prescribes to you because you have a serious injury and it's kind of like oh well you shouldn't have startedright It's very common where it's just like well I can stop why can't you That mentality where I was getting tattooed and you've seen the chest the stomach rocker that I have and it was extremely painful right and it was just like I was offered something and I was like fuck it I don't have to tell anybody And then like that first time I was like whoa this is cool right and I liked the way that I feel and maybe I'll do this again So I'm curious what exactly was the start of that all then Was it getting tattooed or was it back pain What was the start So the tangible answer is getting tattooed, right? But doing the deeper dive, it was the self-esteem, it was the depression, it was the, it was the no confidence, it was all of these things, right? Which is what addiction stems from, where they've learned that it stems from. It stems from all of these different things, where before the modality was, oh, you're addicted to, you're gonna go to, we're gonna treat you for opiates, right? But not everyone has the same success story that I have, where they go to rehab once and they turn their lives around. People go to rehab multiple times; people don't get it. I still have friends that I went to rehab with. 10 years ago that are still struggling, right? We all know someone, which is very common in adoptees. I'm adopted, ADHD, right? If you look at these diagnoses, the secondaries are always risky behavior, attention-seeking behavior, and addictive personalities. So addiction, so it's like, well, okay, what came first, me being an addict or the fact that this is a of this disorder that I've developed because I was not held and nurtured by my mother as a newborn? So things have changed over the years, which I think has really brought on this boom of the importance of mental health in general. So I can certainly understand what led you to that point. So can you tell us kind of about the other side, like what was the catalyst for you finally being like I have to stop this good feeling that I'm addicted to? Like was it not feeling good anymore, or were there things around you that were happening that just put a full stop to it? You know, like it was the winter. I'm living out of a 2003 Honda Civic. It had two flat tires, two broken windows, trunk full of stolen goods. I had been arrested maybe half a dozen times at this point, and I didn't want to get sick from the withdrawal effects. So every single day I was just hustling to get as much as I possibly could. Some days I didn't, some days. I did. And really it was just like I wanted to, but I was too scared to kill myself because I'll say, like, when you're in those, that dark abyss mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically, you don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. And I've seen so many people pull themselves out of that. And I've seen so many people that are still stuck in it and haven't made it, you know. So I'm grateful to be here. I'm lucky to be here. And you know, like, people don't have the success stories that I have. I'm not anyone special by any means. You know, I have a lot of friends in recovery who have more recovery than me and have a scarier story and have been. through a lot worse, but it's not a pissing contest, right? The thing is, like we've been able to turn our lives around, I've turned my life around today. It's a far cry from the person that I used to be. And you know, I don't ever want to go back to that. So I think that you make a great point, that there are so many people that are in the same situation, struggling and can't get their head above water. What are some things that you did to maybe set yourself apart from the people that may not have been so successful or that are struggling? So I got a unique opportunity, right? I went to Florida, I didn't ask any questions, I was like cool, I'm not going to go to I'm not going to be sleeping in my car or having to steal, rob, and lie to people to get the next one. I got on a plane, I went to Florida. I didn't ask any questions; I ended up in this rehab, and I stayed in Florida. I did 37 days in a partial hospitalization program. And I didn't know a single person in this place that I went. That's not true; I knew one person. Ironically, the one person I knew played drums in a band that I had played in, and he just happened to be from this small town north of West Palm in Florida. So I was able to literally start my life over. I didn't know a single person; I didn't know where anything was. So my choices were well I can kind of just do what I did before, but I don't really want to do that. I could have gone home, but I didn't really have that choice. And coming back immediately really wouldn't have solved anything. So, I stayed in Florida and I built a life for myself. I had no money; I had dealing with felony charges that I was flying back to court for, and a warrant, and all types of crazy shit, right? But I did what I had to do. I did a lot of shit that I didn't want to do. I was 32; I was living in this halfway house. I was probably the oldest person there.

And I had these life skills: 19:24

I knew how to cook, I knew how to clean, I knew how to clean up after myself. And I couldn't. get anywhere. This is like 2014. This is out in the middle of nowhere for the most part. There wasn't Uber. I couldn't walk anywhere. So I fixed the bike that was in this halfway house garage. I was riding a bike 30 miles. I went and got a job at a grocery store making 9. 50 an hour. And I was working in a deli. And it just progressed from there. I took advantage of every opportunity that came my way. I didn't say no to any opportunities. I saw these other people who were successful. And anywhere between 2008 and 2015, if you went to rehab, everyone was from here. Everyone was from Philadelphia, New York, New Jersey. So I met a bunch of like-minded people. from this area for the most part. And I took suggestions. I got sober through AA. And I'm not going to talk about that because I don't believe there's one way of recovery. That's what works for me and continues to work for me. There's plenty of other avenues of recovery. And I just kind of went with that. And I saw what other people were doing and I wanted that. I had no distractions, and I rebuilt my life. And not many people have this opportunity to completely start their lives over. And I was able to do that. And I made the best of it. That's all really incredible and seems so difficult. And seriously, as you were saying all of that, I just couldn't. help but continuously thinking how proud I am of you for doing all of that. Because I can only imagine how difficult it was. So like in all of that, what do you think were some of the biggest challenges you faced when you decided to change your lifestyle and environment and uproot everything completely? Well, the thing is I didn't really decide it, right? I had put myself in this situation. And for the first time in my life, I took accountability for myself, for my own actions, for my choices. I stopped playing the, and sort of like, oh man, like if I had just done this, I wouldn't be here. And if I had just said this instead, that wouldn't have. happened right. Because I can't change the past, you still reached a point where you're like, you know what? It's up to me. No one else is coming to save me; I have to do this shit for myself. I'm done playing the victim, and I think that that's so important. And I'm so glad that you mentioned it. So thank you. It basically became like Survivor. Now granted, I've never watched an episode of Survivor a day in my life, but I kind of know the premise of it because it's been on for like 25 fucking years or some shit, right? Where I got dropped in this, in which is Florida, right? And the choice was for me was, you know, I didn't want to go back to the way that I was living. And not just living, but the way that I was feeling, the way that I was thinking. Right? Because my best thinking is what got me to where I was. So why would I continue to do that? I remember 'cause like I had no experience in going to rehab, and I had no experience in recovery or 12-step program or anything. And I remember being there, and this was April, and this kid next to me in group was like, yeah, this is my seventh treatment this year. I'm like, bro, what the fuck? It's April! Like, what? And you know, like I took that as motivation where it's just like, dude, I don't want to go to treatment seven times. And this kid's like 10 years younger. than me. And you hear all of these traumatic things and these horror stories of the way that people have lived. And it really put things into perspective. My parents are still married. They live in the same house. I went to private school. I got to do basically anything that a little kid could have wanted for the most part. And you hear these horror stories of broken homes and abuse and sexual abuse and foster care and all of these things. And it kind of made me think like, wow, I've been an asshole my whole life. Things were bad in my eyes. Like I didn't have a Nintendo growing up, just Goldie. And that's why I did drugs. God damn it, I guess that's. why I don't do because I had many of a Nintendo. So that's maybe that's the cure. Okay, everybody get a Nintendo. But I was sent here with all these other people that normally I wouldn't want to have anything to do with. Like, I didn't know that people actually listen to EDM music for real. Like, are you serious? This is music. I was like, I grew up where you had to like that awful sound when you sign online with the modem. I was like, that's what this sounds like to me. And people were like, no, this is great. I was like, that's crazy to me. Have you ever heard the Cro Mags? Now that's good. And people would just look at me. Half of them were probably in rehab. with you. So that would have been cool. You said moved from upstate down to, oh boy, oh boy. But I got a different view on life. I had to face myself and make changes. And like I had the choice. You know, I had the choice to not make changes, but what was the point of fighting? Yeah, yeah. That's incredible that you did that. You took the leap and that you were just like, I'm tired of my fucking sick of my own shit, and I need to make this better for myself. And that's that. So in that, what kinds of grief did you experience as you left behind old habits and relationships? And you know, how did outgrowing certain friends and social circles then impact you? emotionally So I guess the biggest part was like finding new things to do, finding new hobbies, making new friends at 32 was difficult. I had a few friends who listened, I met a few people who, you know, listened to the same type of music. Cause for so long, music was the focal point of my life. And that was, that was gone. It wasn't there. I lived two hours from Fort Lauderdale and two hours from Orlando. And I had no car at the time. So it's like I couldn't really go and do anything. So I had to find replacement behaviors. Cause in the behavior chain, when you remove behavior, you have to be able to replace it with something new. So, you know, I got really into the I got really into my physical fitness which I kind of started before I blew up my life. I got very much into sports. You know I've always loved sports and things like that. But I found new hobbies. I had to make new friends but like being sent somewhere for recovery and all these other people who were not necessarily from the area being sent there, we all had very like-minded goals in like recovering whether it be from opiates or alcohol and things like that. So, you know I got really engulfed in the recovery community and I made friends with that. And I ended up gaining a career out of this. My career for the last few years has been I said basically since I had four months sober, was working in substance abuse and mental health. So I actually had a job that I cared about, and I did well, and I didn't fuck off or fuck around at. And I went from being an hourly employee; my resume is full of director titles now. Literally got a call about an hour and a half ago from this facility that was just like, hey, your resume is just what this company is looking for. We'd love to have you here. We're gonna get you in front of, we're gonna fast track you to get you in front of the clinical director, executive director, because we would love to have someone with your experience and your. knowledge to be here. It's a six-figure job, yeah? That's awesome! And that's fucking wild. That's so sick! Not just because it's a good job, but also because you're now doing something that you feel like is meaningful work and can be impactful to those that you're working with. And to be able to share your story with them, just like you're doing now, which, by the way, is extremely honorable because I can only imagine how difficult it is to be vulnerable. But there's so much strength in that. And so many people I truly believe can learn from hearing other people's stories, can kind of push themselves to do things like taking care of their Mental health or the core root of other issues, like I think that that's a great point that a lot ofmental shit that you have going on. And I just think that it's so amazing that you have gotten an opportunity where now you can help people with what you've struggled with in your life and in your experiences. And I just think that's really awesome. Yeah, it's just, again, it's a far cry from the person that I used to be. And the thing is, like even with that job, and that's just like a very immediate tangible example, it's like I have other offers. I might not even take that job because I don't know if I want to go back to managing other people. It's a lot. Working in that field was mentally exhausting, and it took me to like a pretty dark place, even sober. You know, it was difficult because addiction treatment is unforgiving. This isn't like you're curing people. People, I think, have this idea that like you go to treatment, you go to rehab, and like you're going to be good. But that's not the case. You do your best to share my experience and help other people succeed to get where I'm at. And like, you know, they leave. And then, unfortunately, they die. My social media is a graveyard of people I've encountered, whether it be friends, acquaintances, former clients, or former staff because like this disease doesn't discriminate. You know, it doesn't matter how long you've been clean and sober. It doesn't matter what you do or what you did. If you have children, if you don't have children, people are dying left and right. It's really, really, really, really, really scary out there. And you know that part of that is what keeps me sober today. Because, like, I can't imagine what it would be like back out there today. I mean, the drugs that I did don't even exist anymore for the most part. It's crazy shit out there. And it's really only getting worse. And I could go into this whole spiel about the politics and the government money and all that but it's a lot. There's a lot more than hey we need to go clean up Kensington. Wish it wasn't nuanced, but it's not that simple at all. Yeah. And you know I'm sure seeing all of the people and the relationships that you've had with people who weren't as fortunate, I'm sure that that's hard enough in itself to deal with. I mean, that's grief all in itself, to be grieving these people. And that lifestyle all in itself is just, I'm sure, super, super emotionally difficult. Eric,

let me ask you this: 30:14

Is it something that is still, even with all the success and everything that you've had over the past 10 years, something you still have to fight with every day. I mean, is there that voice in the back of your head still? I mean, you know, like you hear about often with alcoholics and stuff, it's a daily struggle. Does that still resonate with you, or it's so far beyond; you're so far past it that it's not even something that is a possibility? It is very far past me, but that doesn't mean that it's not gonna catch up to me. You know, I'm active in my recovery and doing the things that I need to do, you know, that I did early on. People talk about triggers; they don't exist for me you because triggers are no one else's responsibility but my own. And if I'm not doing the work on myself, they're. never gonna go away. Like, oh, I can't ever go to a pharmacy because that's where I used to get my— you I got a script of pills— or I can't drive through Camden because that's where I did X, Y, and Z, or little things like that. Or, you know, I can't watch this movie because they're doing drugs. You know, like, I think that's all bullshit. That means, like, this— I'm speaking from my own personal experiences— like that you have not done the internal work, right? Like, not only am I active in my recovery, I see a therapist, and we talk about things because just because I'm sober doesn't mean that I don't experience feelings. Because for the longest time. the only thing I felt was anger. And I don't have to numb that anymore. You know, I experienced a whole array of emotions, and it sucks sometimes, right? But the end result is like I am basically a fully functioning human being, I suppose. And I have to be able to do things like get a job and pay my bills and be responsible for my pets and be there for my friends and show up for my family. One huge motivator and one reason I came back to this area is, you know, my nephew is seven years old. He has never seen me fucked up. He has never seen his grandparents have to kick me out of the house. He's never had to witness his mother calling the cops on him. He just knows me as Uncle E, and that's pretty cool. And if I keep doing what I'm doing, he will never know that that was who I was for a really long time. Triggers are like tricky because everyone handles them differently. As an alcoholic, you know the whole like, oh, I can't watch the Super Bowl because there's beer commercials, you know? But if you're doing the work, whatever that is, whether it is in a recovery program or a therapist or things like that, eventually those triggers will dissipate because otherwise, like, you might as well just never leave your room. Because the thing is, like, the world doesn't care. No one cares that I. used to do drugs and was a shitty person. I have responsibility today, and I can't live in the past. Everything that I did in the past has shaped who I am now, and I really wouldn't change that for the world. Like, there's plenty of things that like I'm not proud of, and I'm not happy, but you know, I'm just a firm believer that like everything happens for a And today, I do my best to be a good person. You know, I don't get up every day and pat myself on the back, be like, " Oh, he did such a great job. He didn't lie to anybody, or he didn't steal from anybody. He didn't do heroin yesterday. Great job You should just take a day off, right? That's not the way that. this works for me I struggle with giving myself credit because it's like hey I'm just a I try to be a good person I'm a functioning member of society. And when I have a job I pay taxes, right? And things like that. But I think a lot of people struggle with being able to let go of the past, that FOMO, and in recreating this life for myself, right? Like I had to do things differently I had to make different choices and think differently and look at things differently. And if that meant that like some people were not gonna be in my life then so be it. There've been people there with me through this whole thing. Shout out to Dave Heck I called Dave Heck, from I landed in West Palm, and like I turned my phone on, and he called me like two minutes later, right? And he checked up on me, andlike little things, it's little things like that where it's like, okay, I must be doing something right. Yeah, I'm sure that's so important. Having, we just talked about this, having a good support system for anything will just make anything heavy in life feel so much lighter. And I just think that that is such an important thing for any aspect of life. So with that being said, what other types of strategies or support systems did you have in place that helped you cope with the loss of a completely old friendships? and lifestyle changes. I just surrounded myself with people who were doing more, that were successful. The majority of my friends that are in Florida, that I met when I was sober, they're married with kids. They are business owners now; they are successful in their careers, and it's not like the outward, tangible, like I drive a nice car and I got a I got a hot partner and all these other things. It's like, well, I wanted to do more with my life than I need to surround myself with people who have already done so, have been through this these early struggles. And that's what I did. And guess what? I was successful. I went from, in 2014, I was living out of my car in 2018, I bought a house, right? I love that, dude. I love that so much. That's amazing. That's incredible. It's such, such a crazy journey to hear you say that. And it just is blowing my mind because, Eric, I had no idea that you were living out of your fucking car. To be so in that, in that place and get to where you are now, that says so much. And I know that it's difficult for you to give yourself credit, but I really hope that you're able to see all of the work that you've done to get here because no one or anything can take that away from you. And that that really says a And I kind of that makes me think about what you were saying also about triggers and how the world doesn't stop for you. You're not a special snowflake. You know the world keeps on going, and you have to, you have to accommodate to the world. You can't just shut your eyes and avoid everything because that's not helpful to you. And you did that work. And it's fucking hard to just go through life and and confront things and take accountability. Like that shit is hard. And you're doing that. And I just think that, that I'm just, I'm just so proud of you. That's really, really hard work. And it's awesome. I mean, Eric, I think it's important to say that obviously what we're talking about is you going from this rock bottom, so to speak, to where you are now. But I think for anybody at any point in life to go from anywhere to owning a house and having a six-figure job, I mean that that says more to your integrity you had as a person all along, but maybe you weren't able to unlock until you had this reason to have to do it. But you're obviously an incredible person aside from the journey that you had to go through of the drug addiction. I mean we can get rid of that part of the story completely, and it's still incredible. I mean I don't, I don't have a house, I don't have any money. 100, I've never done heroin. People say I have maybe an energy drink addiction. but they haven't sent me to Florida for it yet. Thank God I don't want to go. But I want to I want to point that out that clearly you have a fortitude inside of you that was always there that you maybe because of that low self-esteem and things you were talking about before weren't able to access. And I'm sorry, of course, that that's what you had to go through to be able to access it. But that's who you are, regardless. And I think that's incredible. And I want to make sure that that's highlighted as well. Thank you. You know, it's when you mentioned that, you know, like growing up my teachers always told me Eric has a lot of potential, right? My Dad would always say my dad always wanted the best for me. You know my parents have always wanted the best for me. Like, oh, you should be in a leadership position because you possess these skills. And like for me, we didn't think very highly of myself; I was like, what the fuck does that mean? Just give me what I want, right? Just, just, just give me the raise. Just give me the job. I never really wanted to work for anything. I wanted to take shortcuts and take the easy way out because like, who doesn't? And the thing is, like, all this work that I've done to get to this point, like it doesn't stop. Right? It gets, it gets harder. And I wouldn't say harder. Life. changes So I have to be able to adjust with it. I don't live in Florida; I don't live in that house anymore. I sold that house at the peak in twenty twenty-one. Right? I live in an apartment now, and that's totally OK with me. And I I still struggle with things, you know, just because one of the biggest things I'm struggling with right now is like just because I got sober doesn't mean my parents aren't getting older. You know, my parents are in their 70s, and it's been difficult. And I experience grief in the sense that like, wow, I could have been a better son. I actually had a session with my therapist a few weeks ago, and I had a nice little cry. I'm not a You know my mom just had been in a hospital and she's going to be 75 years old. It's a lot of like, man, like I was just like a shitty, shitty person and not great to my family because I was angry. And you know, like they've just accepted them for who they are and that they did their best and you know I got to work out the rest of my own in therapy. They're boomers, right? So it was very much just like don't be sad, be happy. And we didn't talk about feelings or processing things and whatnot. I've carried that on into my life. And guess what? That comes out in my personal relationships with my friends, with romantic partners. And guess what? It doesn't translate. So whose responsibility is it to work on that? That's mine. You know, if I want to be in a relationship with, you know, another person, and I want to be a good director and manager of people, and I want to be a good friend, like, this is stuff that I have to work on and improve on. Right? Because there's certain things in the last few years that, like, were extremely, extremely important to me. 2014, I got sober. 2016, I was diagnosed with reactive attachment disorder, and I've been in therapy ever since. 2021, huge milestones. And like, you know, I'm 42 now, getting diagnosed with ADHD at 40 years old, eight years sober, nine, seven years. sober whatever it was was massive for me. And I made the choice to not pick it apart, right? Because I don't need to have an answer. I don't need to overly critically think this and like, well, if I had just been on medication back when I was a, maybe I would have paid attention to school and I wouldn't have gotten addicted to drugs and all these things. But guess what? Like that's not the case. You know, I wouldn't be where I'm at as a person without these experiences. Like I had to go through all of these painful experiences, which, you know, for the most part were all my fault, right? And I can accept that to get to where I'm at today. Because life is not just progress it's education right I was uneducated on these things I was uneducated on emotions I was uneducated financially but I still kind of am you know all of these things. And like I had to figure it out the hard way whether I liked it or not. So everything that I've done good and bad has brought me to this moment right here talking to you guys right. And without that, who knows where I'd be? You know, if I didn't kill myself or get killed or overdose and die, then who knows? But like I don't play that game anymore. I can't think like that. I have to be able to do my best to be present, to be the best version of myself, not just for other people I don't do it for other people I do it for me. Yeah, I think that's so important. It really is to have the reason to be yourself and to better yourself and only for yourself. Well, Eric, I'm glad you're still here on the surf. I'm glad you're here with us tonight. And you know you brought up a good point earlier. So, me and Jess, we're going to go ahead and send you this Nintendo GameCube. I think that I speak for both of us when I say this belongs to you. It'll solve all your problems. Are you just giving that to me because no one wanted the GameCube? You'd be floored by how many people want the GameCube. Apparently, the retro video games are a hot dollar item I made quite the pretty penny on the Nintendo 64 this week and then the Game Boy Color. I did want to ask, I am curious despite obviously all of the improvements in your life now from what was are there things that you find yourself missing? Do you miss that lifestyle ever? Yeah, do you miss living in your car with the broken windows and the snow? Listen, I'm not talking about that. But you know, there is grief with outgrowing, or overcoming all of that stuff, social circles, even though, like I'm thinking about my own personal experiences, obviously not as drastic, but there are for yourself, if you want. to level up or do better for yourself sometimes you have to disengage from certain social circles or friends or activities and you find yourself missing those things. That doesn't necessarily mean you want to go back to it but sometimes you miss it. You know I think you described it very well as saying leveling up and not to say that I don't miss it. And I actually talked about this with my therapist not too long ago. It's like one thing that like I find to be a little bit differentiating from a lot of my friends and it's like I don't really suffer from FOMO. It's just kind of like oh damn I didn't know this band was in town. That sucks You know I've already seen them 30 fucking times. But, like people in social circles, I've just come to believe and learn that people are in your lives for a short amount of time for a reason. And I can't stand this person, you know, like an ex-partner, right? Things are really good, but then, obviously, they're your ex for a reason. But, like, what have you learned? How have you grown from that experience? Has it made you a better person? What have you learned about yourself in that? So, you know, I can look back and say, like, yeah, I had a lot of great fun doing all of this shit, driving all over, you know, 22 years ago, going to see American Nightmare all. the time But like shit now I look at a show and be like damn there's five bands playing. There's no way I'm standing for five bands. I'll wait till the video comes out on YouTube, and I'm going to stay at home and watch Netflix with my cats. And I think it's a lot of just because like my life has changed and the priorities are different. My focus is different. It's just like man I can't stay out too late. I want to get to the gym early. Tonight I really appreciate you guys moving the time up because I've got a date tonight which is pretty cool. Yeah yeah little things like that where it's like shit I never thought I'd be able to get a date let alone a second date with a 10. So that's pretty cool, right? He's flexing on us all over this podcast. How job? I'm here for it, I'm here for it. Let's go! But you know, like that person who I was, the memories are cool, right? But who I was internally, I don't miss that person. I don't miss that person that just cared so much about what you thought, that wanted you to accept me for who I was, even though I had no clue who I was, who had no confidence, who had no self-esteem, who was just mean and nasty and really miserable and like ugly. I don't miss that person. I can separate the experiences from the person. Like I said about relationships, yeah, they're. an extra reason. We shared some really good times, right? But that's just not who I want to be or who I want to be with. And I've moved on from that. So, you know, I don't let that bog me down, and I don't let a lot of things carry weight. Again, like being self-aware of things and knowing, like, what's good and what's bad for me, and that's always changing, right? Has really shaped how I view a lot of things. And, you know, I still make mistakes and still learn the hard way because that's life. But I wouldn't be able to sit here and talk to you guys today about all of these things that I am. We could have done an entire week’s worth of podcasts on all of these. things right. Honestly, because I do enjoy talking about it, I hate talking about myself, but I do like talking about recovery and mental health and all of these things. If I was a man, I really miss this person that I randomly played in a band with 18 years ago. It's like, man, they won't accept my friend requests. And it's just like they're living their lives. I don't hold ill will towards anyone. I don't regret the person that I used to be because I've just outgrown that person. And I'm pretty happy today, I can say that. Like, I have confidence in myself and my abilities and what I want to do with life. You know, I'm taking the steps to. That's who I used to be. I do my best now to be a better person, which is like really not that hard. Like once I got the drugs out of the way and I really started to take a look at myself, I was like, oh well, this is completely my fault and I can do better. I love hearing all of the accountability. I think that that, and just being self-aware, is so powerful. And what I wanted to ask you is, besides both of those things, holding yourself accountable and being self-aware, what other advice would you give to others who might be struggling with outgrowing their environments or overcoming addiction or leaving social circles? You know, it's a very I'm gonna try and sum it up without getting into every, like, nook and cranny of that, right, because it's very nuanced. And I think that, like, addiction and mental health, it is so nuanced that we think the whole, like, if you're struggling, reach out for help, right? But, like, everyone who knows that, when you are, you're not going to reach out for help, right? Like how many people do we know that, like, oh my God, they took their own lives. I had no idea, I had no idea about you, had no idea about you. So there's an example right there. You know, it's like, why would I reach out and be like, hey Jess, I know we haven't talked for a but I'm addicted to heroin? Do you think you'd give me 20 bucks. Right? That's not funny, but that made me laugh. It is funny, though. But see,

like here's the thing: 49:43

if I can't laugh about it, I'll cry about it. It's true, and that's just not who I am. But like, you know, it's to find someone who has gone through your experience, right? Because not everyone can afford or has the resources to talk to a professional, and staying consistent with a professional is like really, really important to me. Finding the right medication that works for you again changed my life.

Being around like-minded people: 50:10

if you're around people that are miserable and angry. you're going to be miserable and if you're not in a great relationship, you know, like, and it's tough though, right? It's tough when you're so close to the situation you don't realize. But you know, if you want to make a you need to make a change, right? It's just being around the right people, I guess, is all that I can say. And having the right people in your corner. And it's a trial and error, right? It's a trial and error of who comes and goes in your life and what you want to shape your life into. Again, like, if I want to open a, the first thing I did was text one of my friends who has a successful treatment owner, because who's going to know better? If I want to be in a relationship, you know I'm going to talk to my friends who are married. But like, I had to find that from within because no one was going to come and hand this shit to me. No one was going to give me the answers. Like, I had to go and find these things for myself. Now, like, shit like this work is like paying off, to like, get a call that's just like, we'd love to have you come work at our facility. It starts at this. And it's like, oh, I guess I'm doing something. I'm doing something pretty good for myself these days. You know, like I have a in the substance abuse and mental health field. I do have a very good reputation, a name for myself. I'm fairly well known in different pockets of the country in the rooms of recovery as well because you know I've maintained 10 years of continuous sobriety and I've bumped my head along the ways in terms of my But again everything happens for a reason And I just have to keep growing and keep rolling with the punches because life's not going to wait youYeah yeah So also I wanted to ask on the other side of the spectrum very high level I understand that it's very nuanced and we could talk forever about this topic like you had already mentioned but what advice would you give to others who may have a loved one like you going through a similar experience. How can those people best support you? So I guess I'll use myself as an example where I've had plenty of our friends reach out to me. Hey, I've got a cousin, I've got a loved one, I've got a, you know, just the other day somebody called me and was like, I've got an, I think I might need to hold an intervention for them because like my experience has been, I guess, like a beacon of hope for people. Again, I don't think that I'm special or that important by any means. But again, like we know so many people who've struggled with mental illness, addiction, alcoholism, things like that in our lives, whether it be immediate or where. you also know somebody who has gotten themselves through it. And the education is not there because people still believe that it's not happening; it's this or that, but like all they have to do is change this, or it's oh, it's just their job, or it's just this. And like everyone is different, right? But like so there's something called, and you should look this up, prevalence inflation, where it is basically just, it's the equivalent of like I have a call if I'm gonna web MD it. And it's like oh my God, I have 37 minutes to live now, right? Where this mentality, because of the internet, is right there on our, we can go on TikTok and be like oh this. person who says they're X, Y, and Z said one, two, and three. So like, now I have this. And there's a lot of misinformation; I hate using that word too. And like anecdotal experience, like my own personal experience, is only good for so much, right? Because everyone's experience is going to be different. But, you know, like being able to talk to someone who has been through it or knows someone who has experience in these and has some sort of success or some sort of you made it to the other side of something, is there's resources out there. I'll offer myself to anyone, any listeners, anything like that. I'm always available. I definitely don't have All the answers, but I can help point you in the right direction. Like Ryan, I have resources in South Carolina. My old roommate from halfway owns a detox in South Carolina and North Carolina, which means that he has tons of resources in those areas for mental health. And I know that it's few and far between in your area, which is unfortunate, right? So the education is not there. Whereas, like, you kind of have to be in like a centralized area where you have these resources available and there are experiences available to say that it's not there, but you know it's a lot harder for you than it would be for me and Jess, who are, you know, in the. greater Philadelphia area. So, there's resources out there. It doesn't have to be professional. It's just you don't know what you're doing, just ask someone who's done it. Point. That was all a lot of really great, important information. And thank you again so much for sharing that wild story for everybody and just being vulnerable. Like, dude, it's amazing! I just really am so proud of you for everything that you've gone through and all of the actions that you have taken to get to where you are now. So, just kudos to you, Eric. So, I want to wrap this up, Eric. Last question by you telling us somebody that you're grateful for. Oh, I mentioned. it before Dave Heck. Love Dave Heck. Great human. You need friends like that in your life. I agree. Shout out to Dave Heck. I like that quote. Thank you for not making it difficult to be your friend because to everyone else who makes it difficult to be your friend, we wish them well. Wish them well. All right. Well, I think that's good. That's a lot of good stuff. Very dense. So thank you so much, Eric. I mean, that's a lot of information. I know you said there's a lot more available. So thank you for giving us just that. Just a nugget. Just a piece. More than happy to really talk to anybody. I get frequently asked from our from our friends and and things like that And you know I make the joke of like have you know anybody needs to go to rehab, like be able to help them out, things like that. No, you have such a powerful story. And really, I just I just feel like it can really make a difference in somebody's life, really be inspiring and impactful for them. So thank you so much for being willing to share all of that because I'm sure it's hard. I will say that it's only hard if I make it hard. That's what she said. That's what she said. Yep. Let's go. But you know, like it's again my choices, my experiences have shaped me to be this person that I am now. I know that my purpose in life is to help people in some way. In some capacity because, like, that's what's kept me drug and alcohol free for the last 10 plus years. So, it's worked for this long. The last 10, should I keep doing it then? You know, I should find another 10, hopefully, right? Life is only difficult if I make it difficult, and I do my best not to make it difficult. Things happen, like getting let go from your job of two plus years, my mom being in the hospital, my cat opening my apartment door while we sleep, things like that, right? Can't control any of these things, I can't. The only thing I can control is my reaction and how I respond or react to these things. And I have just learned to, again, regulate. my emotional nature where not everything is the end of the world, a catastrophe, not everything is someone else's fault, and not everything needs a comment, right? You know how I used to be where it's just like, Oh, I know how you used to be. Not like this. Yeah. For anybody that is listening that has previously not known Eric, legit night and day, OK, in his personality. I used to think you fucking hated me and we were in the same band together. Just your entire persona is just uplifted. The vibe, vibrancy like level is just up here and it's great. You make it easy to be my friend now. I will say that like I didn't hate anyone more than I hated myself. back then. And I do my best to be a decent person, and sometimes I can't. Like, I don't need to just say things; I put up what we'll say. It's also kind of difficult to be in a band with you and Dave. Love you both! But hopefully, the both of us have also grown emotionally as well. Oh, absolutely! So, you know, absolutely. All right, folks, well, that just about wraps up another episode of The Underwire. A huge, huge thank you to Eric for sharing his incredibly powerful story of overcoming addiction and navigating the grief that comes with leaving old habits and social circles behind. His journey reminds us that change, while most often uncomfortable. and filled with loss can lead to a stronger, more fulfilling life on the other side. We hope today's conversation shed some light on the complexities of addiction and provided some insight for those facing similar challenges. Whether you're on your own path to recovery or supporting a loved one, remember that growth often requires letting go of what no longer serves us. And that is really fucking hard to do.

Just a quick reminder though: 59:11

we are not doctors. We are not therapists. So if you or somebody you know is really struggling with addiction or mental health issues, please reach out to a qualified professional for help. If this episode resonated with you, we'd really appreciate it if you could leave us a five-star rating. Don't forget to subscribe and leave us a review wherever you listen to your podcasts because it helps us reach more listeners just like you. You can also follow us on Instagram at The Underwire Pod. We'd love to hear your feedback, and if you've got your own stories of overcoming any kind of adversity, please share them with us. As always, if you have any questions or topics that you'd like for us to cover, please feel free to reach out. Thanks again for listening and for all of your support, and we'll catch you on the next episode. See ya.