From Dysregulation to Calm: A Practical Toolkit

We slow down and practice simple tools to move from survival to safety, using consent-based exercises, micro-practices, and imagery to regulate the nervous system. We talk about building a 911 card, explore glimmers, and use music and compassion to make calm more reachable.

If you need some embodied coaching, we are happy to walk alongside you and help develop that strong toolkit with you. Our contact information is in the show notes and in the description. You can find us at www.thejourneyandheprocess.com.

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Transcript

Understanding Dysregulation And Safety

Tailored Micro-Practices For States

Create Your Personal 911 Card

The Calm, Compassion, And Connection Dials

Check In Without Judgment

Find Glimmers And Savor Them

Use Music To Shift State

Closing Breath And Support Resources

SPEAKER_00 1:12

There is hope. No. Let's take it out. Some weeks feel like they're just a lot. A whole lot. Maybe you've been in a season or years that feel that way on this week's episode of Hey Tabby, we're gonna slow it down and do some grounding together. I want to take a moment to help you get into your body just a little bit and to check in. As always, anytime I do any sort of grounding or any sort of exercise, it is an invitation. You can always accept it or decline it. Maybe something that we talk about today doesn't super work for you today. No worries. Try it out another time. My goal here is to help you build your toolkit and to find things that work for you when you're feeling all kinds of upside down. We can take steps to intentionally exercise our nervous systems in the direction of regulation. Through practice, we can learn to move out of just a survival state and settle more fully into a regulated place. Now, look, I want to add a caveat here. No matter how skilled you are, when life gets super lifey, we will get dysregulated. We just will. When something is really hard, we're gonna dysregulate. And dysregulation isn't bad. We want to practice so that we can stay more regulated overall, or that we can come back into regulation when things do hit the fan. When we name the state that we're in, we take an action and then we notice those changes. We are building the neural pathways that take us out of survival mode and back into a felt sense of safety. So let's start today by considering what you can do to bring a moment of nourishment, care, or kindness to your own nervous system. So if you are in a calm state, how can you deepen it? You might want to do something like a self-hug. You might want to allow yourself to smile. Sometimes we don't realize we aren't smiling when we're calm. If you realize, no, I'm actually in a more activated state, maybe we can take a breath with a longer exhale. That helps us know that we're safe and that our physiology can calm down. If we're feeling really disconnected, connecting with someone who feels safe could really help. So this might be the time to call a friend and say, hey, I'm having a day. I could use a minute. Do you mind talking? If you're feeling like more shut down, just notice what happens if you make a small movement with your body. So that could be something like wiggling. It could be taking a walk around where you are. So if you're in your house, maybe stand up and take a walk around. If you're in the car, a little wiggle can be helpful. Can also bring awareness to your breath. What is it doing? Is it faster? Is it slower? What happens if you change it? Just experiment with small acts and find what helps you take a step toward regulation. What did you notice? Is this time to really just check in? What would you like to do more of or less of? Maybe make a note of that. Now, if you are listening to this and you're driving, you might want to come back to this episode so that you can write down what was helpful or you can try any of these things more deeply. I know that I want you to be safe. So if you're listening to this while you're driving, be safe. And I know I've talked about this before, but one of the things that we do in both our counseling and coaching practices is to help clients create what we call a 911 card. A 911 card is a list of things that are helpful when all of the stuff hits the fan. So when you are having a day of all days and you're like, I cannot remember anything. This is a tool that helps us remember that we do have tools in our toolkit when our prefrontal cortex or our finky thinky brain goes completely offline. As we talk through some of these things today, this is a great opportunity to maybe make your own 911 card. Maybe you can put that on a piece of paper or an index card or even a note on your phone, just as long as you can go back and find it again. I know the one in my phone is labeled 911 cards so that I can search for it. And look, I have found that I will put things in places and think, oh, this is perfect. I'll always remember it. And then I don't. So name it, label it really easily. I want to invite you to imagine that you have a dial that can turn up the calm in your body. Think about where that dial would be located on you. It can be anywhere. Bring that to mind. Once you have an idea of where this dial might be, imagine a slightly distressing situation. Like this is not go big or go home here. I want you to notice your calm dial. And again, it can be outside your body too. It doesn't have to be on your body somewhere. And I want you to imagine as you think of this slightly distressing situation, turning that dial up so that more calm floods your system. Think about it kind of like a volume button. You're turning up the volume on calm. What did you notice change in your body or in your mind? Now imagine that you have a self-compassion dial somewhere. This is a dial that when you turn it up, you add more self-compassion. What happens if you think about that slightly distressing situation? Again, we're not going big or going home here. But you think about that distressing situation, and now you turn up the self-compassion dial. What did you notice? Did anything in your body or your mind or your soul shift or change? Just savor that for a moment. Now imagine that you have a connection dial. And this connection dial turns up the volume on your truest self and on your experiencing the presence of God. What happens when you think about that slightly distressing situation and then turn up that connection dial? You turn up the volume on connection with your truest self and your connection with God. Really lean into this. Did you notice anything shift or change? This is a great time to pause this episode and to try these things more slowly as well. I know that I'm going through them a bit quickly, and that isn't really enough time to kind of lean in. So feel free to hit pause and give it a deeper try. And if you are struggling with this particular exercise or anything that we do, that is completely okay. We are just trying it out. Maybe something that I talk about is good for you and maybe it isn't. Maybe it will be better for you at another time. Just take note of what this was like for you. All of our experiences are data and they tell us stuff. So we can just be curious. Maybe we turn up our curiosity dial here and be curious about what happens and what we notice. For some of our clients, they like to get physical dials on things that helps them better visualize actually having something to turn and getting that more tactile sense of turning something. That's a totally fine way to do it, actually. I am all for using physical things to help us imagine things. So try different ways and different things to see what might work for you. Dollar Tree, five below, those are all great places to get something with like a dial or a turny thing on it if you need something more tactile. Now let's check back in with our bodies. Do we feel more or less regulated, right? What words might you put with how you feel? And if you can't come up with words, that is okay. Sometimes our feelings just don't have words with them right away. But be careful not to judge yourself here. We are just noticing. If we feel peaceful, then what is one way that you can lean into that peaceful feeling just a little bit more? Could a deep breath be one of those things? Could a self-hug be one of those things? Is there something else that might come to mind for you? If you feel more activated in this moment, what is one thing that you can say to yourself in a deeply compassionate way about this activation? Can you give yourself kindness even if it's just a little tiny bit of kindness? If you're feeling disconnected, what is one thing you can say in a deeply compassionate way about the disconnection? Can you give yourself just a little bit of kindness around it? And look, I know this is hard, but I understand that a lot of trauma survivors are very much not used to giving themselves compassion about anything. But it's a skill to work on. It's okay to be where you are. If you want to find the tiniest little slice of self-compassion, you can simply remind yourself that I am learning how to be compassionate to me and how I feel. I'm just learning. And it's okay. Now let's take a look for a glimmer. Is there something in your life that is good or pleasant? Is there something beautiful that you can see right now or that you have seen? Glimmers, as Deb Dana defines them, are the opposite of triggers. Triggers are that uncomfortable activation. What good or pleasant activation or glimmer can you either experience in this moment or can you bring to mind about a past moment? And that past moment could have been a week ago, a year ago, 35 seconds ago, whatever it is. When you've got it, take a moment to really savor it. Lean in. Take your time with it. I know that it could be really tough. Take your time with it and just notice the best that you can. What kind of music do you gravitate toward when you are more calm? That could be a peaceful song, it could be a more peppy song, it could be any of them. Sometimes it might be peaceful and sometimes it might be peppy. What do you gravitate toward when you are more disconnected or activated? I'll tell you, for me, it is heavy metal, not gonna lie. Is there a playlist that you can create that would maybe start with the music that you'd gravitate more toward if you're more activated or disconnected, and then transition into songs that you would lean into more in a calm or peaceful state, or even like a happy activation state? When you listen to that playlist, do you feel your body or your mind shift as the music shifts? This is a really fun exercise to do to create it so it progresses into the more calm and peaceful or happy places, um, and then to hit shuffle and see what happens. What is that like for you? And this really might be kind of a super cool spot to journal about your experience if you like to journal. I think journaling can be really great. I know it's not for everybody, but if it's for you, then this might be a good spot. And I know that this is a little bit shorter, but we are gonna end here. And I want to invite you to a place where maybe you put your hand over your heart and just take a few slow breaths, just in and out, through your nose and out your mouth if you can. And notice what shifted in your body. If any of this has been hard or overwhelming for you, I invite you to reach out to a friend or to your counselor or coach and get some support. I say this all the time in our advocacy class that I help teach. You are the only youth that you have. So take good care of you. I want to say thank you for joining me on this week's episode of Hey Tabby. I know this one is a little bit different than most, but I really hope that this episode gives you some practical tools to lean into as we try to shift our mind and our body and shift how we might practice regulation skills. If you really need some embodied coaching, we are happy to walk alongside you and help develop that strong toolkit with you. Our contact information is in the show notes and in the description. And you can find us at www.thejourneyandheprocess.com. Again, that's www.thejourneyandheprocess.com. Thank you so much for joining me here on this week's episode of Hey Tabby. Be sure to hit like and subscribe and follow us on your favorite podcast platform. And we will see you again here next time. Thanks for joining me for today's episode of Hey Tabby. If you're looking for a resource that I mentioned in the show and you want to check out the show notes, head on over to tabithawestbrook.com forward slash hey tabby. That's H E Y T A C I and you can grab it there. Look forward to seeing you next time.