Podcast 38: Are My Standards Too High?

This is a question we've all asked ourselves. Are my standards too high? We ask this when our search for love gets frustrating and we're trying to figure out what we're doing wrong.

So, are your standards too high? You will not want to miss my answer to this question in this podcast.

Ready for an intimate, premium coaching experience where you have encouragement and fun in the dating process AND fall in love with your handsome, godly man?  

If the answer is yes, you'll want to join me for private 1:1 mentorship. Click the link below, book a consultation call, answer the application questions, and start your journey to finding the man of your dreams.

Let's get you married, Sis!

www.thechristiandatingcoach.com

Transcript

Michelle Joiner (00:01.346)
Hey, hey sis. If you are anything like the women that I talk to every day, at some point you start to ask yourself, are my standards too high? You are likely killing it at your job. You probably went to an amazing school. The women that I coach,

are getting their PhDs, they have two masters. And so if you're anything like them, you killed it at school. I know that you're serving in your church and with your family and with your community. I know that you have made fitness a priority and you are exercising and you are out there running 5Ks and you are out there killing it at the gym and you are beautiful. I know this about you.

Because I see you on Instagram. I see you when I go out to different churches. I talk to women just like you all the time. The women that are in my circle, the women that are attracted to me are the total package. And that is what I know you are. So you have the right to set your standard high. But there's a problem. There's a problem.

You want to get married and even though you're killing it in these areas of your life, in your love life, you're frustrated. And here's the problems that you're facing. One, you're not meeting compatible men, specifically men who are saving sex for marriage because of God's word. You're not meeting enough of those men. And I say enough because

When the one time, the one time out of the blue moon that you do meet a man that might be compatible, you get friend zoned and he doesn't pursue you. He doesn't ask you out on a date. He doesn't call you and have long conversations with you. He doesn't send you flirty text messages. And he doesn't ask you to be his girlfriend. So if for some reason in the blue moon,

Michelle Joiner (02:23.698)
you find a man that is what you're looking for, the kind of man that meets that standard of saving sex for marriage because he's honoring God's word, he doesn't pursue you. That's a problem. And so at the end of the day, you're starting to lose hope and your relationship with God is strained because you're either angry at God or confused by God. And you're asking yourself,

I've been praying this prayer for so many years. Why isn't God listening? That's a problem. Because what you want more than anything else, this is what you want. If you could say, Lord, please just grant me the desires of my heart. If this is what you want, you want to meet a compatible man, a man who honors God's word, a man who wants to obey the standards that God has laid.

A man who is saving sex for marriage because he loves the Lord and he wants to honor and he wants his wife to be honoring the Lord as well. You want to meet a man like that and you want him to take you off the market to pursue you, to pursue you passionately. And you want to feel close to God. You want to feel like the Lord hears your prayers and the honors your obedience. You want to feel

like the Lord blesses you for obeying him. You want to feel close to the Lord and certain that a beautiful marriage is in your near future. That's what you want more than anything else. And I'm here to say this. Listen, listen to me closely. If these are your standards, they are not too high. What you want wants you back. You cannot

lower these standards. Nobody else gets these standards. Nobody else understands why you're holding out for this, but I'm the Christian dating coach and I get you sis. I get why you have these standards. I had the same ones, right? I had the same standards when I was single. I wanted a man who adored me, who made me feel special.

Michelle Joiner (04:48.583)
who pursued me passionately, that I didn't have to feel like I was chasing him. Like I wanted a man who was chasing me and anxious to commit to me. That's what I wanted. And I wanted him to be someone that would see God's word and say, yes, you are my sovereign Lord and I will obey. I wanted a man like this. And I got one.

I got one. That's the happy news. That's the happy news. I've done what you want to do. And incidentally, incidentally says, asked Caleb just last night, my husband, Caleb, I asked him just last night, Caleb, do you think there are men out there that are saving sex for marriage out of respect for God's word? And he literally like laughed. was like, yes, absolutely.

And I said, what do you think a woman should do if she has a standard, but she's not finding men like this? And should she just go ahead and lower her standard or just give up on this standard and just go with someone who doesn't need this? And he said, listen, here's the thing. This question here is about his faith, about.

how he is committed to the Lord as his sovereign Lord. This is about his faith. So if he is not saving sex for marriage, then he said, I know there's temptation and we fall and there's grace for that. But a man who says, you know what, I don't have any intention of saving sex for marriage. That is an indication.

of where his faith is at and the indication that his faith is not in alignment with yours. His faith is not in alignment with yours. His submission to the lordship of Christ is not in alignment with yours. Sis, you can't lower that standard. You can't. You can't. You must hold on to this. You must hold on to this. Here's, listen.

Michelle Joiner (07:12.568)
Let me tell you what the real problem is. Okay. I know, I know I started this whole thing off saying like, my standards too high? That's not the issue. Your standards are fine. Here's the issue. The only issue. You've got to start meeting men that meet the standard. Don't shirk on your standards. Shirk on the steps that you've been taking to meet men. They're not working.

You're not looking for men in the right places. You've got to find, and you can't just rely on the one guy that you found that was a man of God and like obeying God. You can't rely on that. You need to make a lot of men that love the Lord in this way because they're not all going to want to date you and you're not going to want to date them. So you need to have an enoughness problem where you're meeting enough men.

that are meeting your standard. We don't lower the standard. We go out and we find men that meet the standard.

You're just not looking in the right places. They are out there. Like I said, I asked Caleb, Caleb was saving sex for marriage. He was actually a virgin when we got married. And for him as a man, he was like, Michelle, they are out there. The men that want to obey God in this way are out there. People just aren't looking in the right places. And one of the things I like to think of is

Do you really think that a powerful God that made the heaven and the earth, that raised the Lord Jesus Christ from the dead, do you really think that he doesn't have faithful followers? So what's wrong is your process for finding them, not giving up that they're out there. It's so much easier. I want you to think about believing this. It's so much easier to believe that you just haven't found where they are yet than to believe that God is not powerful, right?

Michelle Joiner (09:13.121)
It's as much easier for me to believe that I want you to believe that too. So I literally am the Christian dating coach and I help you find Christian men online in person. Both. When I was single, I was meeting Christian men all the time. And in fact, I would go to churches specifically that

were in alignment with my doctrinal beliefs. I met so many Christian men there. When I was online, dating online, I had gotten a dating coach, so I had cleaned up how I was performing online. I was meeting Christian men online. And if you come and coach with me, and if you follow my guidance and coaching, you will have the problem that one of my clients had. She said it so beautifully.

I am meeting so many men I don't have time to talk to them all. They're all guys that I want to talk to and that I'm interested in, but I don't even have time to talk to them all. That is the problem that my clients have.

All you need to know is that they are out there. You just need to find them.

Michelle Joiner (10:36.361)
So one of the things that you've got a two prong problem here. It's a two prong problem. One, you don't know where to go to find this handsome, godly man that you are looking for. And two, you don't know how to talk to him effectively so that he is inspired to pursue you passionately. And that's what my dating coaching provides women. When Caleb and I met,

I knew how to talk to men. I had learned how to talk to men. So we were in a relationship and in love 23 days after knowing about each other's existence. So what I want to encourage you about is that dating coaching, particularly with me as a Christian dating coach, really is the game changer that you're looking for. And you can spend another five, 10 years trying to think of where to go meet men and how to get your dating app to actually not be a nightmare.

or you can hire me and transfer your whole dating experience and process in less than six months. So I want to tell you that the reason, the reason to hire me is to save yourself time, to save yourself time. And we all want to know when am I going to meet my person? And we don't know the timeline. We don't know God's timeline.

and we want to know God's timeline, but we don't. But we can tell I'm not on the right path. I'm not on a path that's getting me where I want to go. I'm spinning my wheels and nothing is happening.

So let's do something different. There are two ways to work with me. One is in my Sisterhood small group coaching program. There is a new small group starting, a new cohort starting in January. And the Sisterhood is for the woman who wants to create friends and not feel like she's the only one who's feeling the things she's falling. Like she wants to feel like she's not so alone.

Michelle Joiner (12:50.254)
And so many times in the sisterhood, people tell me, wow, when you were coaching this other lady, I felt like you were talking to me because she's experiencing exactly what I'm experiencing. So if you want that feeling of companionship, like one woman actually said, I feel like I'm creating my future bridesmaids are in this group. They got so close to each other while finding the love of your life. The sisterhood is for you. If you're like, no,

I'm good. I have plenty of friends. I want an experience where I don't share my coach. I want her undivided attention. I don't want to share my coaching hour. I want her expert brain on my love life alone. And I want it to be private. Okay then. That means the one-on-one private coaching is for you. Now listen, both of these programs get results, like both of them equally. They're equally successful at women getting engaged and married this year, this calendar year.

Four of my clients have gotten married. Three of them have gotten engaged and five of them have started new relationships. And that's all a combination of both sisterhood and one-on-one clients. So I'm telling you, if you want something that gets results, coaching with me is something that does. But what you need to decide is which one is for you because they're both successful. It just depends on your personality and what you're looking for in your coaching experience.

I wouldn't sell these programs if they weren't both successful. I'm in full integrity when I say pick the one you want. My coaching helps women meet the love of their life, but you know what doesn't work? I'll tell you what doesn't work. Doing nothing or worse, doing the same thing you've been doing before and hoping for a different result. So like I said before, I know you're killing it at your job, you killed it at school, you're serving with a big heart.

You're working your butt off at the gym. You are a beautiful woman that just lights up the room when you go into it. Now listen, the reason why all those things are true is because you've invested in those areas of your life. In those areas of your life, you've invested time and money and energy. You've gotten mentorship. You've gotten help in those areas of your life. It's time to invest in your love life.

Michelle Joiner (15:18.678)
your standards are not too high. You just need to take a different course of action. Let's get you married, sis.