Podcast 43: What I'd Do If I Woke Up Single In 2025

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Transcript

Michelle Joiner (00:01.038)
Hey, hey sis, happy 2025, happy new year. At the time I'm recording this 2025, it's just a baby brand new and it is the start of a new year. It's fresh, it's clean, it's full of promise, full of hope. And while I'm praying for you, my dear, dear sister, is that this is the year that the Lord brings.

love and marriage into your life. And what I would just encourage you to do is claim that as your own, claim that desire, put it before the Lord and do everything in your power to make that dream, your dream life, your real life this year. I am praying that with all my heart for you, my dear sister.

And what I'm going to do today is tell you what I would do, the exact steps I would take if I were to wake up in 2025. Let's say I woke up today, brand new 2025 year single. If I were to wake up single, what would I do to change my relationship status, to get into a relationship?

leading to marriage, even maybe to get married this year. I want to bring you the juicy details what I would do if I woke up single in 2025 to get married. All right, let me just dive right in. The first thing that I would do in 2025 to get married, the first thing that I would do is prioritize meeting

Christian men. Now, not just any Christian men, but men compatible with my values, with my standards, and with my beliefs. I would prioritize meeting Christian men. I did this while I was single. I would fly to anywhere if it meant that I could be with compatible Christian men. So I would fly to lots of conferences.

Michelle Joiner (02:23.315)
with pastors that I really learned from and I would get to know the people in their audience. So specifically, some of the pastors that I really appreciated are John MacArthur. So sometimes I would fly to his church and I met so many Christian guys there. The great thing about that is that it's not like I was trying to date any particular guy.

but I was always surrounded by Christian men that it was so encouraging. I never, ever, ever told myself that there were men out, there were no men out there that were what I was looking for. I always knew there's just like an abundance of amazing Christian men who are serving the Lord, who are saving themselves for marriage, who are gonna be godly fathers if they, when they get married. I kept meeting men like this and that's what I would do.

If I was single in 2025, I'd find some more men like that. One of the things that I see a lot and I help my clients overcome is just depending on meeting guys at like random fun places, like fun places, like a football game or or a restaurant or whatever. Like that's fine.

I mean, it's okay to meet guys like that just for fun, just to chit chat. But if you're not meeting the kind of men that meet your values and have your beliefs, say for instance, men saving sex for marriage, men who want to be active and serving their church, it's because you're not prioritizing finding those men. Do you see what I mean? Like you want to prioritize flooding yourself with the men that you're looking for. And if you're not,

meeting those types of men, it's because you're looking in the wrong places. One of the things I give my clients is a list. I call it connection injection, a list of places where they can go to meet compatible Christian men, compatible meaning with their interest, their age, their denomination and their stage in life, things like that. I literally give them a list of places to go to meet these compatible men in their area.

Michelle Joiner (04:43.196)
because I truly believe you can find people in your area that are what you are looking for if you prioritize that. The other way to prioritize finding Christian men, not just locally, but out and abroad. Like I said, I would fly to conferences, I would fly to bigger churches, and I highly encourage that for every Christian believer listening to me. But listen, everybody is trying to find guys on the apps. You're doing it wrong. You're doing it wrong.

What I see people doing on the apps is using these apps, I call them like swipe apps. know, like they have a few of your pictures and maybe three or four sentences about you and maybe about what you're looking for. Three or four sentences, maybe tops like six sentences. And you are supposed to form a connection with wisdom and discernment based on that. No, you're using the wrong app.

I will tell you if I was single in 2025, these are the apps I would use. I would use match.com and Elite Singles. Those are the two apps that I would start off with. And here's a couple of reasons why. Definitely you can't do this on Elite Singles, but I believe you can do this on Match. You can do a keyword search. So you can type in words and it pulls up profiles that have those words in them.

And that's what I did when I was single to find men with verses in their profile, theological references in their profile. And I found, again, see, I prioritized finding Christian men that were compatible with my standards and beliefs. So one of the things that

happens is you get on these apps that are just swipe apps that are really just about your pictures and a few sentences and you're not gonna get to know the guy and he's not gonna get to know you and it's gonna be this superficial exchange for so long and a total waste of time and if you happen to find someone and form a connection it will literally be like a lightning striking you as rare as it is for a lightning to strike you and for you to find your person that listen if you want to do that

Michelle Joiner (07:01.504)
If that's working for you, go for it. But I noticed this with my clients, it doesn't work. You need to, what I teach my clients is to create a comprehensive online dating profile that truly shows their personality, their belief in God, their love for God, their priority for the things of the kingdom, both in them and in the guy they're looking for. It also shows them to be confident and flirty and

fun and alluring and magnetizing, I help them create a profile that literally screams out the guys that are not what they're looking for because you can see it in the profile. I'm not looking for you. I'm not looking for you. I'm not looking for you. This is what I'm looking for. And what it does is it draws those men in. The way I teach you how to write profiles is it draws in men that are what you are looking for. So you want to find an app

or a dating site that allows you to fully use that profile. If I was single, I would have a nice long profile that's about three paragraphs long that really talks about who I am, creates this sensory experience. When I was single, I described myself as like a colorful, sexy cowboy boots, my amazing bourbon brownies and...

You know, it was like a colorful, a sensory experience to read my profile. And it drew in so many people complimenting my profile because it really showed who I was. And they were excited to talk to me. I want you on an app that allows you to create that experience. And then the guys are trying to create that experience too. They're putting a lot in their profiles as well.

So I would use Match.com, I would use Elite Singles. The other two apps that I might consider, maybe, you know, maybe, but maybe not, is Facebook Dating and Zeus. I would definitely give those a try because they allow you to put a little bit more in your profile and they have the search option.

Michelle Joiner (09:22.451)
As I said, if I was using online dating, the things I would prioritize is allowing myself to create a beautiful experience when you read my profile. So I screens out the guys I don't like. Two, I would choose apps that have keywords searches. Not all of them do, Elite Singles doesn't, but it does allow you to have a full profile. And I like who they call in because it costs a little bit more money and it's a little bit less.

just popular. It calls in people that tend to be professional and that's who is compatible with me. So I would choose those main themes when I'm selecting the dating apps that I choose because what I prioritize with dating online is finding the Christian compatible guy and having him see who I am as a Christian. That's what I would prioritize.

So those are the two things that I would start with in terms of trying to find someone in 2025, prioritize meeting Christian guys compatible with my beliefs. Now, one of the things that needs to happen for you is you are just going to work, maybe going to church, maybe going to the gym and then going home. You're not really meeting people.

You're not really talking to people. No new guys are coming into your world. If I were to ask you how many new men you've met, you might say, one, that's gotta change. So for me, it would be very important for me to be meeting new men all the time. And that's what I teach my clients to do. I actually have a homework assignment for them that they should talk to two new men. They should just meet two new guys at the grocery store, at the gym.

just to create the confidence of talking to new men. Because what can happen is this, I know this happens for you sis, you walk into a room, could be at a party, could be at a church event, you see a cute guy across the room.

Michelle Joiner (11:38.536)
and then you go home and you never see him again. So what I teach you to do in my coaching program is to have confidence. So I know for myself, if I was single in 2025, I would do everything I could to beef up my confidence so that when I walk into a room, if I see someone that I'm interested in, I have the absolute bonus to go straight over to him and start a conversation with him in a delicate,

playful, alluring, magnetic way. I'm not saying like in a brash and like burly way, but yeah, if I see a cute guy, I'm not gonna go home and just not talk to him. I know that's what's happening with you. So what I teach my clients is what to say to a guy like that, how to start the conversation and even how to bring the conversation beyond just, hey, how are you? Where are you from? Where do you live? Where do you work? Even beyond that.

actually teach that you should avoid things like that and like practice the flirt pure techniques when you're talking to a guy to actually create chemistry right there, like right there in the first meeting that has him asking for your number or willing to, when you suggest, hey, you want to exchange numbers? He's told jump at it because you've already created chemistry because that is truly, truly important. So I talked about compatible Christian connections.

The next thing I would be doing is creating chemistry with those connections and setting myself apart from the other people that they're meeting. So I'm not stuck in a friend zone or stuck in a, she's a nice sister in Christ, but I'm not interested. No, I would prioritize, again, there's that word prioritize, creating chemistry with the people, with the guys that I'm meeting. I would prioritize putting chemistry. And that's what I teach my clients to do.

And really it's a matter of how you talk to men. And that's what my flirt pure and my chemistry teaching, and my connection teachings do. They help you break that ice so that you can actually not just talk to the Christian guy, not just talk to the cute guy or the Christian guy or wherever you're meeting. Not just talk to him, but actually create some intimacy and a bond between you where he wants to see you again and he wants to keep in touch with you.

Michelle Joiner (14:05.786)
So that's what I would do. I would form those connections, grow my confidence, increase my ability to create chemistry with people that I'm meeting. That is one of the main things that I would do. I also, one of the things I should mention is if you're looking for Christian guys, a lot of people downplay this and they don't realize it's the goal of mind that it is and I wanna share it with you.

That is meeting people, doing the good deeds that Christian women are commanded to do in scripture, the good deeds that Christian people should be busy about. We're all getting on apps and wanting to go on dates. Why don't we just go serve? When I was single, I used to do a lot of volunteering. I would volunteer.

First of all with my church, absolutely. I would absolutely help out with my church. I was very musical, I played the piano, I sing, so I would often be the church pianist. But I would do other things. I would go play the piano at nursing homes in my area just to give the older people something to look forward to. I did this like everywhere, everywhere. I was always going to nursing homes playing for the older people there. I was always volunteering at schools.

and tutoring the kids. you know, like there were times when I would even help out in soup kitchens or homeless shelters and what do you call it? Adoption. There are adoption, like, I think it's like pro-life, like pro-life pregnancy centers. I think that's what it's called. I was always doing these things and I would meet people while I was doing these activities. I would meet people and.

have interactions with them and like, wouldn't it be beautiful if you found someone doing that and you're serving the Lord together and you met each other? Wouldn't that be so beautiful? That's what I'm talking about when I say like, go places where you're likely to meet the kind of run hard after the Lord and you will find someone running just as hard and join up with him. So if you're...

Michelle Joiner (16:30.014)
listening to all this and you're like, OK, I see what she's saying. But how do I really make it work? Listen, here's the thing. I hired a dating coach when I was single. And if I woke up single and twenty twenty five, you better believe I would hire a dating coach. You bet her believe like I'm a business woman. I own the Christian dating coach business. I have business coaches. I have life coaches. I have weight loss coaches. I have

Who else? Let's see. I had like a pregnancy coach or postpartum coach. I'm not sure what she would call herself, but it was for me having kids. I am always under some type of mentorship. Always. I believe in mentorship so strongly and passionately that I am always under mentorship myself. And if I woke up single in 2025, I would hire a dating coach so that I could have mentorship.

So you need that for your mindset. You need that for encouragement. This is a difficult journey. And one of the things about me is not only do I help with mindset and encouragement, I also teach you things and help you solve some of the steps that aren't working for you. Like, what's not working? it, are you meeting guys in person? Are you meeting guys online? What's not working? I can help you solve that.

If you are talking to guys but never getting into a relationship, I can help you with that. I have an expert brain on relationships. And what you want is my expert brain on your love life so that you can solve the problems that are happening as you try to find your person. So if I were to hire a dating coach, the thing that I would be looking for is

Is she going to help me grow my confidence? Is she going to help me grow my certainty? Is she going to help me be encouraged in those moments when guys flake on me and I just need some support? You know, I found this beautiful passage that I wanted to share with you because it really shows to me like what coaching is, at least the coaching I do.

Michelle Joiner (18:54.192)
Ecclesiastes says that two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up, but pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. That is where a lot of women are right now. They're trying to find love and they keep falling down and they have no one to help them up. So what's happening is, is they're creating this

the sadness, the discouragement. And then they're trying to take action from there. They're trying to take action to magnetize the guy from discouragement and sadness. They're taking action from those feelings. And sis, what I wanna tell you is your energy determines your impact. Your energy determines your impact. You need a coach to help you.

create that confident, alluring energy and help you solve problems. So that's what I would do if I woke up in 2025 single. I would prioritize meeting Christian men in person, online. I would grow my confidence however I could. And that requires coaching, that requires self-coaching, that requires

taking action to make me feel more bold. And I would make sure that the interactions that I am forming with men are full of chemistry and they're full of like allurement and flirt pure. That's what I would focus on. And you know, would go lots of beautiful places. I would go to churches and conferences and serve to meet these godly Christian men. And if I'm online,

I'm not going to be using a swipe, a swiping app that's just photos and three or four sentences telling you it's a waste of time. Unless you believe in lightning striking you, I would choose an app that allows me to really describe myself and be reading about guys who are really describing themselves. And then I would just wait and watch. I would hire dating coach to build up my energy and my mindset.

Michelle Joiner (21:15.728)
and also help me solve problems. And I will let God move. I would be patient. I would be confident. I'd be certain that I would find my person again. If I lost Caleb, I would find someone again. Because that's something that you're just going to have to decide. If I woke up in 2025, I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone.

So I'm going to decide to go after it. I'm going to commit to this. I'm not going to give up on this. That's what I would do if I woke up single in 2025. And I think that's what you should do. So what I'm going to tell you about now is one of the opportunities that are available to you right now, this month, this month, I am starting coaching sessions for my new sisterhood program.

My sisterhood coaching program is my small group coaching program. I don't take more than eight people, only eight people. I've never had a group more than eight people. So I take this group and I take them through my course. And what that course does is it teaches them confidence so that they have confidence with men and in themselves and with the Lord. And they grow that boldness that comes. I've watched women transform. It's truly amazing.

And then they're building these connections the same way that I told you about earlier in this podcast. I teach them how to build those connections in person and online. So I remember one time a client said, oh my gosh, I have so many people I have to decide who to talk to. I can't talk to all these guys. That's where my clients are. And then how to create chemistry, because you don't want to just meet a cute guy and then have it flop and like,

Well, that was nice. I'll never see him again. I was just friend zone. You don't want that to happen. You want to be creating chemistry in your interactions. I can teach you that. I can teach you how to flirt. I can teach you how to be sexy and sanctified at the same time, how to be modest, but also alluring. I can teach you that. I'm the Christian dating coach. I know that fine balance, that middle ground that draws the guy in while

Michelle Joiner (23:39.501)
while still being pure, while still being godly and modest. And then lastly, I teach them how to solve the problems that come up, that come up with the guys that they're talking to. It could be a long distance problem. It could be a relationship problem. It could be a problem with kids. could be a problem with expectations. I help them solve all of that. this year, this year, I have helped so many women

Well, this year, I say this year because I'm thinking 2024 and 2024, four of my clients got married and three got engaged. Five starting new relationships and counting like there are people in my coaching programs that are starting new relationships right now. They're they're just starting things out with a guy. And so these numbers are going to climb in 2025.

So more than anything else, yes, I teach confidence and chemistry and connection. More than anything else, you get married. You get married. The ultimate result that you want. So the Sisterhood is the beautiful program that I have put together. It's so much fun because you're with other women. And a lot of times you're listening to people getting coached and you're like, wow, I needed to hear that. So my Sisterhood program is starting at the end of January.

and I want to get you in there. So what I want you to do is go to my website, thechristiandatingcoach.com slash sisterhood. And in that website, you'll be able to apply to talk to me, to apply to the sisterhood. There's information in there for more of the specific details.

But I want you to go check that out and apply for the Sisterhood because I want you to get married this year. I want to be able to support you in all the things that I talked about I would do if I was single in 2025. You might not be able to pull off on your own. just might not be. There might be some knowledge gap there. There might be some encouragement, some confidence gap that you're missing that I can help you with. So I want you to go to my website, thechristiandatingcoach.com slash Sisterhood. Now,

Michelle Joiner (25:57.31)
What I am doing for the sisterhood is just accepting applications. If you put in your application and you want to meet me for a console call, just put in your application, I want to meet you for a console call. If you are ready to get started, just fill out the application, I will review it and decide if you get to come into this cohort of the sisterhood. Bonus calls are starting in January. This January, we are having an...

ask a guy call where you talk to different Christian men that I'm inviting, ask them your burning questions. And there's also going to be a style call where we talk about fashion and style and appearance and all that yummy goodness. And as a part of attracting a guy. So I want you to check out that website, thechristiandatingcoach.com slash sisterhood to apply for the sisterhood and let me know if you would like to meet for our console call. All right.

We don't have that much time left, so get on in there. Now, if you're listening to this and you're like, okay, a sisterhood sounds okay, but I actually want privacy. I actually want, I want a monopoly on Michelle's time and attention. I don't want to share her. I want this to be a private journey. I feel self-conscious when I'm with other people or whatever. Like, I just want her one-on-one time. I do have some one-on-one coaching slots available in this current year.

So what I want you to do is go to my website, thechristiandatingcoach.com, book a call, say that, put somewhere in the call that you're interested in one-on-one coaching, and we will get you taken care of. You can always reach out to me on Instagram. You can send me a DM. There's so many ways to find me. I'm available to answer any questions because more than anything else, I'm praying for you, that this is the year that you find your person. Let's get you married, sis.