Podcast 47: Ask the Guys Interview - "This Made Us Commit"

In this podcast, I interview 3 men of God as they share where they hung out when single, what they thought about saving sex before marriage, what they were looking for in a wife and ultimately what made them commit. Want an insider's guide to finding and captivating a godly man so you can get married sooner? Listen to this podcast.

Sis, your handsome, godly man is ready right now to fall in love with you. He's ready to take you home to meet his family, get down on one knee, and propose to you while everyone jumps up and down to cheer you two on.

I can help you meet this guy and show you how to have him crazy about you and dying to take you off the market.

Come work with me in my private, 1:1 coaching program where you find the love you've always longed for. 

Use the link below to make an appointment for a conversation with me on why coaching is just what you need to find the handsome, godly man that God created just for you. I'll teach you how to inspire him to commit to you right now.

Let's get you married, Sis!

www.thechristiandatingcoach.com

Transcript

Michelle Joiner (00:00)
Hey, hey, sis, did you know there are 35 million single Christian men in the United States alone? 35 million. Yet the single biggest complaint I hear when I talk to women is that they can't find enough compatible men who share their values, not enough men so that they feel like they have options. And then if by some miracle they meet one guy,

just one guy that is compatible, that is what they're looking for. It doesn't turn into a committed relationship that they hope for. Are you feeling me? Has this happened to you before? Sis, that's what I help you solve when you get coaching from me. I have proprietary methods that have you connecting and meeting with godly men in person, in your area, in your location, and online.

And I teach you what to say so that the handsome godly man you choose is inspired to pursue and commit to you. I teach you what to say so that you go from boring small talk that feels like he's your pen pal to connections and interactions that are electric and sizzly. And you're building chemistry so that you both fall in love. Yes, you can learn.

how to create chemistry, and it's the one thing holding you back from the love that you long for. I know that sounds amazing. I want you to trust the part of you that wants to give this to yourself and join me in private coaching where I mentor you one-on-one. It's just one-on-one, sis, just you and me, my expert brain on your love life. It's just you and me until very soon.

the handsome, godly man that God created just for you joins. So I want you to go to my website, www.thecristiandatingcoach.com, thechristiandatingcoach.com, or check the show notes to book a call and have a conversation with me about how coaching will get you the love that you long for. Now, sis, there is a man out there right now, right now.

who's ready to fall in love with you, who's ready to take you home to meet his family, get down on one knee and propose to you while everybody is jumping up and down around you, excited for you. There's a man who is ready for you right now. And all you need to do is meet him and know how to talk to him to build chemistry and inspire him to commit. And that's what I want to help you do. Now, I told you earlier that there were 35 million

single Christian men in the United States. And today, I want to introduce you to three guys that were formerly in that category. There's three men that love the Lord, are running hard after the Lord. And today, I'm going to ask them the questions that I get most frequently from my clients and from women I talk to. Questions like, what about sex before marriage? What about...

you know, getting someone to commit to you. What about, what attracts you to someone? Where are you guys hiding while you're single? Like, where are you? Where can a Christian woman meet a Christian guy? I'm gonna ask them all of these questions. And these questions are gonna encourage you so much to hear. These men want nothing more than to encourage you in your walk with the Lord and encourage you on your journey to find your own husband. And so I want you to listen into their answers.

It's gonna help you in your love life. It's gonna help you in your search to find your husband. Listen in.

Michelle Joiner (04:07)
Hey, hey guys, how are you? Thanks for coming to the call. This is the Christian dating coach, ask a guy call. And I'm super excited to have you three answer these questions. There are questions from my clients. There are questions from women that I coach. So they're really just looking to get some encouragement from Christian guys who love the Lord and got married themselves. So just answer these questions. Like honestly, don't overthink.

Just we wanna hear encouragement from you guys. So what I'd like to do before we start anything off is who are you, say your name, say where in the country you're from, and just, actually, if you could just say where you met your wife and a little bit of your love story. Sound good? Sounds good. Okay, who wants to go first? All stars off, mostly because...

most of your audience probably knows me already. So I'm Caleb. I'm Michelle's husband. Born and raised in the northwest, so Oregon and Washington State.

I met Michelle online. Yeah, through online dating website was called OkCupid. And we talked for a while and then I went to visit her and actually stayed with Andrew here while I was over there. And then and then

Then we, you know, just kept on, things just kept moving along and eventually she moved out here to Oregon and then I proposed. And we can go into more detail if we need to later. Yeah. Yeah. So what Caleb was saying was that he stayed at Andrew's house because Andrew, where are you located? So I'm Andrew and I'm located in Michigan. I grew up in Texas, but came

here to Michigan after college. And so my wife Tabitha and I met at church, same church that Michelle used to go to that I know her from. So her and her family went there for a while before we really got to know each other, but a few different events.

things we did regularly where we started to be around each other more. That's where we really got to know each other and eventually started dating and all that. That's the real quick one minute overview. Was Tabitha there when I was there? No. Okay. Okay. Okay. So she's a little bit, she's still, her family was newer when you met her.

Yeah, they've been there for a few years, but not longer than that. And I'm fairly certain you had been gone longer than that. I think what this kind of shows is that you could be going to the same church as someone for a little while before you connect. Yeah. All right, BC, why don't you go? Yeah.

BC or Byron, either way. I met my wife in college. So we attended the same college in Iowa and met kind of the first orientation week. I was playing foosball with some friends and I was beating them handily and they got me to play against Lauren and

was the only person who was able to win a game against her. She did end up taking the series two out of three, but that was kind of where we first met. And then we started dating at the end of our sophomore year in college. So knew her full well. There's a little bit of backstory to this that I don't know the full story to. What is the part that you're leaving out?

Well, so just a couple weeks before we had started at Cornell, Lauren had a family friend, very, she came from a pretty charismatic background and had a friend who also would come over, visit with the family and

was also very a big foosball player. And I think played Lauren just a few weeks before and Lauren beat her and she kind of had a backstory saying, you know, hey, like, be careful for that first guy who beats you in foosball. You know, he, he might just be the one you marry because that's what happened to her. She used to go and hustle guys at the bar out of money and the first guy that ever beat her, ended up getting together and getting married. And so that was

told to Lauren just weeks before she she met me and then I was able to get that game and it's kind of a were you dating someone else at the time wasn't there something like that? Yeah, when I first met Lauren Yeah, yeah. So I was dating a girl long distance from high school. We had dated my senior year we were still still dating. She was in California. I was in Iowa.

for the first few months of college before we kind of broke it off with the long distance thing. Mm-hmm. Okay. So again, like there's just so much goodness here that like you may meet a guy and he's with someone and you're like, well, you know, like maybe we're meant to be, but he's with someone else. Then, you you never know what God's gonna do. All right. So we'll take that away. What I'd like to ask

you guys this very like, I want you to imagine that this question is on the SAT, right? And so I would love it if you guys like, what attracted you to your wife? Was it like, imagine this as an SAT question, like looks, personality, fate, money, just, just pretend that this is an SAT question, like

What attracted you to your wife? I'm gonna start with BC, because you just were telling us about this foosball game, and it seems like you've known her. You knew her for a while. So can you tell us what was it that did it for you with her? Yeah, think, mean, she was fun, personality. She's cute. Both of those things sure played into it, but I think mainly just

Just, you know, she was fun, she was funny. guess, yeah, I forget to keep it to SAT responses. I guess I'll leave it at that. All right, you can like, you can like expound a little bit. Okay, great. Okay. yeah. Frag about your wife. For sure. So.

Those things initially attracted me to her. She was intriguing right off the bat. Obviously I was dating someone at the time, so it wasn't really an option or anything at that point, but she caught my eye early on. And we were friends for almost two years before we started dating. in that time, just...

spending some time with her in various settings. We both were a part of an on-campus ministry where we did like a worship service on Sunday evenings for students that we both attended regularly. We both were regulars doing like morning prayers pretty regularly in the chapel before classes and stuff started. So.

Yeah, just got to interact with her in a lot of different ways. And so it was through those times of just walking our Christian walk together and on campus spending time outside of that. both also were in a ballroom dance club. Admittedly, I probably joined that because she was in it.

So we did like swing dancing and that kind of stuff too. So we got to hang out in a lot of different ways and a lot of different contexts and just really enjoyed one another's company. I'm interested a little bit in the transition BC from like who asked who out first when it happened? Was she like, oh, you're my friend. I hadn't really thought about this before. Or was she like, I've been hoping you were going to ask me or, you know, like how did that all break out?

So yeah, I think you'd have to get her side of the story, I assume. for me going into it, I had no assurances that she was necessarily interested in me beyond friendship. So it was definitely stepping out on a limb when I asked her out.

there's some debate about what our actual first date was. If you ask me, it's different than what, when you ask her. But we, yeah, when I asked her, was, it was an immediate yes. So there was some interest there and, you know,

she's funny because she had all of these criteria for what she wanted in dating a guy and like down to like how tall he had to be. I actually squeaked in on the low end of that. but yeah, no, that's kind of. Yeah. Good question, Caleb. All right, Caleb, SAT answers. Well,

And then you can expand. yeah. I mean, Michelle's the total package. She's got, she's beautiful. She's smart, like wicked smart. She's, we, we have, she has a vivacious personality. she loves playing games and, what else was there?

We have some shared trauma. was another thing that when we would talk about and it was like, oh, hey, you've been, you know what it's like. You've been through this too. So we were able to connect on that level as well. And I'm sorry if my voice sounds kind of gravelly. I'm getting over a cold.

Thanks, babe. All right, Andrew, we don't know Tabitha. like, tell us, tell us about your amazing wife. Yeah, well.

To start, when I first started to get to know her, I...

I gotta say, I wasn't interested at first and probably if anything, the odds were more stacked against her because the one thing I knew about her wasn't great. That her previous relationship was with another guy at church who had, he was in a rush to try to find someone to get married and had like dated almost everyone in the youth group before that one after another.

She was like the latest one when they dated and he tried to push her to basically just go behind her parents' backs and he was making plans to like just run off with her and such. And then all that came to light and...

like her parents and others in the church like put a stop to that. It was like a pretty big deal. So like I knew that had happened. And then like half year later was when we started getting to know each other and the young adults group and she started helping in Oana like where I helped too. That's where we saw each other the most and some other things.

And so like that's what I knew about her. And so I was kind of suspicious of this girl. Because I'm like, well, I don't know if she's changed from that that much. Like I knew that other guy had been the main instigator of all that. But like it takes two to make to get yourself in that much trouble. And I don't know if she's changed. So I was like, if she's the same sort of girl, she's

that she was before. Like, she might be looking at me or some other guy as find someone and get married, get out of her parents' house, you know, just make something happen, whether it's right or not. So I was kind of leery of like her just being really immature in that sort of way and kind of expected that. And then we started getting to know each other over time. And she was just not

that way. And even when a good friend of hers at some event was kind of complaining about her parents in some way, that kind of situation where it'd be real easy to jump in and just be like, yeah, my parents, whatever or something. And she didn't do that. And I was like, that's not what I expected of her. Doesn't match like with her past.

And there was just more and more of that of like her showing maturity and growth and like clearly not being the same person of what I know she'd gone through before. And so I just got more and more impressed with that. And then we also matched well in that I love to joke and tease a lot and she reflected that she enjoyed the joking and

would tease back with me when I did it. So we just got along well in that way. So there was that natural connection. But it still took a while because of my original kind of lariness about her, as well as our age difference, because I was 28 and she was 18. So I also expected her to be just way immature, like

most her age and on that she seemed way more mature than most girls her age. And at least maybe with my own immaturity, guess we matched in the middle of the world numbers, something like that. But yeah, that's my overview of getting interested in her. took a while because it was very much.

not just an immediate being taken with her love at first sight thing at all. So let me ask you guys all this question. I think it would be useful for all of you guys to kind of like answer this question that I get a lot.

Is somebody's looks like the stereotypical beautiful woman? Is that what like, is that what you guys fall for? Like the stereotypical beautiful woman? Is that the main thing that draws guys or that drew you to your wives? She was just stereotypical beautiful woman. Like our looks the main thing. What do you guys say?

so I think I, I was probably guilty in my dating life of, I don't know, my sisters would always say, whatever, I would go on the dates or someone that would be like, wow, Caleb, you know, he's always there. You know that if they're going out, she's going to be gorgeous. But,

That being said, didn't date a lot. I just, I feel like, okay, I'm embarrassing myself. I, yeah, like, so attraction is important. Attraction is important. especially when you don't know a person, right? That's like all you have to go on, right?

Like I said, I was online dating, so it's kind of like, here's a catalog of who of this selection of people who will talk to you. Would you like to get to know better? I think it's different when, know, but the longer, you know, somebody like the more they, they don't really be like, they're not like, they're such a beautiful person or an ugly person. just become like, that's just what they are. That's just who they look like. Right.

The...

Aye.

So coming up from the other way where you get to know the person first, I think there are other things become more important. And very quickly in a relationship, you find that like, you know, the looks are not the most important thing moving forward in that relationship because there are plenty of people who look nice, who are abrasive or high maintenance and, you know, just not nice people.

Yes, and then that makes a whole world of difference.

You see, Andrew, how about you? most of the girls, a lot of the girls that I talked to are like, well, looks are the most important thing to a guy. Is that what you guys would say?

No, I don't think so. mean, I think that, you know, we...

we, I think, can find.

Like Caleb said, I mean, they're not unimportant. you know, like, but, you know, I'm not, didn't date or marry a supermodel, like, you know, but she's beautiful. Like, and like Caleb said, that that grows over time. Like the connection I think that's made, I think we're really good at seeing beauty in those we connect with.

you know, the more we get to know someone, the more beautiful that person becomes, you know, where, you know, maybe they're not on a magazine cover, but that doesn't matter. Like we connect and that attraction grows because that beauty that's on the inside also comes to the outside for you. You see it and all of that.

None of us are on the magazine covers either. Exactly. Right. We better hope so, because otherwise we wouldn't have a chance. Andrew, did you want to weigh in on that? Yeah. I would say most of us guys' natural inclination is to just

go for looks and prioritize that above anything else. But any guy who is smart or mature enough learns that's not what you should do. So any girl who's looking to attract the right kind of guy can know that the right guy that she will want to.

end up getting won't be just going for attractiveness only. Yeah. And I think that's like a really good point. Go ahead, BC. Oh, I was gonna say, I would add to that too. Like, you know, I think oftentimes there's this narrow view of what maybe would be viewed as attractive, whether that's

cultural or whatever and like there are a lot of like beautiful people out there and I mean like I think as I was dating and stuff and that kind of thing like it it's not like a narrow saying like it's easy to connect and to see see see beauty and people and find things that you like about about other people on that front you know and and yeah.

So one of the similar kind of questions that I get a lot is like, I'm not the right type. I'm not the right type. There's something about me that I'm not the stereotypical beautiful woman, which is so funny that I hear that because I don't even know what the stereotypical beautiful woman is. I'm sitting there looking at my client and she's so pretty.

like you're everybody's type and she's saying, no, I'm not the right type. So I just think it's interesting that you would say that, that like everybody has their own unique beauty. And what Andrew is saying is like the smart guy, the smart guy, the guy that you actually want to be with knows that. So thank you. That was great. Thanks guys. All right. I'm going to ask this tough.

Question that I hear a lot and just understand that I'm asking it because I hear it a lot like what are your thoughts like especially when you were single like Like how would you? Encourage the woman who was saving sex for marriage like how would you encourage her if she thinks this is it? This is it? This is the reason why I'm so single because no guys want to save sex for marriage like

do you have anything that you'd say to encourage that woman?

But I like Andrew was saying, like if the guy you're seeing, if that's a big deal to him, it means that he's, I can't imagine he's got much of a wall of a Christian walk. You know, he's more concerned with

you know, shallow things, right? Like that's, that's probably not a guy you want to build a life with either. And hopefully, like you found out the sort of person he is in that regard, before he caught feelings. Because that just makes it all the more painful when when he does show you who he is, then then you know, then he's kind of like, well,

you know, then if this is all you're about, you know, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna build something with you.

And I think it's admirable. I think that a good guy would say that that is an admirable quality in a woman and an admirable quality in other men.

You hear a lot in the modern culture that, like women are expected to be virginal and men are expected to you know, sow their wild oats and be experienced. And I don't find that that's the case in Christian circles and communities. It's, you know, we have a higher calling that we're called to than our base urges and...

And we, you know, we work on ourselves and work towards that and, to try and, you know, drag a girl down with you.

I find that a little bit reprehensible.

Yeah, for sure. mean, I guess, you what I would say is just, you those guys are out there that aren't going to push you into that. You know, like Caleb said, if they're worth your time, that's not going to be the type of pressure they're putting on you. And, you know, you should not have to compromise your own morals in order to find someone to be with.

that.

We need to be like as men also have to be holding that kind of standard for ourselves. Like Caleb said, it's not something where we get to sow our wild oats and expect something different of our partner. yeah. Yeah, I think that's just such great encouragement. Like, you know, to hear that there are men out there that want to obey Christ in this way and

We just need to wait for them. Like I see Andrew nodding his head. Did you want to say anything to that, Andrew? Not a whole lot to add because what Caleb and Byron said was both really good. So just agree that.

We as Christians should be different than the rest of the world. attracting and getting a Christian guy is different than attracting a worldly guy. And if you're with a guy that is pushing for sex before marriage,

That's an obvious red flag there that's not at all the type of guy you want to be with. Definitely not the kind of guy you want to marry. As a guy looking for a wife for a long time, I was single for a number of years. Dated some here and there, but it took a long time for something to work out. And that was frustrating at times, but it

One the things I reminded myself was like, well, at least I want to be married is a whole lot better than being stuck with someone who isn't good. And even though I was still single for a good while, each time I thought about that, it's like, yep, it could be a whole lot worse. And if you're around a guy like that, that is a whole lot worse.

to be stuck with someone like that than to be single. I'm wondering if you guys can talk about like, you keep mentioning like the comparison, like you don't want to be with that type of guy, right? It would be a whole lot worse to be with that type of guy. And I, this may sound like obvious, but I think it would be really useful.

If one of you could like summarize why, why is it so important not to be with a guy that compromises in this area? You all are married, you all are men. Like, why is it so important that we hold out for this guy that's actually kind of rare? At least most of my clients find this to be rare. Why is it so important that we hold out and not just go with a guy that is willing to compromise in this area?

So I think kind of what I was saying about a Christian walk, right? There's a lot of nominal Christians in the world, right? We've entered an era of moral relativism and you can call yourself whatever you want to call yourself and you're not being held to any sort of standard. So when someone says they're a believer, you have

you have to challenge that a little bit, right? Like, like it's okay, right? I'll accept that you are calling yourself a believer, but what does that at what does that mean you actually believe? And when we talk about, you know, that there's scripture as a guide to our faith and the things that it says in scripture, you know, this is not like, like,

Maintaining purity is not like one of the gray areas of the Bible. It's one of the things that's pretty clear, know, that is spoken about multiple times in the New and Old Testament. so if you have someone who is like,

you know, flagrantly like, well, that may be true, but I'm just gonna pursue this lifestyle anyways. You know, that says that even that they don't really believe in what they say they believe, you know, and that they don't, you know, have the moral character to...

trying to follow through. Now, I don't want to come down too harshly. is such thing as succumbing to temptation and I don't want to, you know, come across as judgmental against folks that have, you know, we extend compassion for those and forgiveness. the, it's the, that's also comes with repentance, you know, and when you

If you've got someone who's just like unapologetically, well, no, I'm, I'm going to keep pushing, you know, you to for sexual relations before marriage, you know, then that's like, like I said, that says that they like who they really are. Okay. And so you asked like, why, why is that important? Because you're going to go on, let's say you do build something with this person, right? You, you, get married and you're building a family like

they were willing to compromise in these areas. They're probably, you know, hopefully not, but they may be willing to compromise their moral on moral issues. After you're married, and even even if that's not like, they're not let's say that they don't cheat on you, right? Like, but they could be might be willing to cheat on their taxes, or they might be willing to do

other things, you know, like if scripture is not going to be a guiding principle in their life, there's all sorts of things that opens the door to all sorts of behaviors that can get you into trouble, know? Abuse and...

Yeah, like you can't say anything about who you are as a person that if you're not, yeah, if you just have no guiding principles.

Thanks. Yeah, thanks guys. I know that was like a sensitive topic, but it's like really important. It really pulls at the heartstrings for a lot of the women I talked to. So I know what you said is really going to encourage them. So thanks for that. Okay, let's go to an easier question. So like where did you guys hang out when you were single? Like where would we have been able to find guys like you? I know Andrew is going to be like church.

Awana, youth group, Sunday school. I was over at BC's house. So like, do you have, where else were you hanging out, Andrew? Like what else were you doing? You were always serving at church, but what else were you doing? Yeah, so besides all the things I was involved in at church, I also loved playing sports. So I was doing a lot of that.

And board games, friends here and there as well, though sports more often. I love doing that or just hanging out with friends and just other various ways. I mean, so, you know, I met my wife when I was still in college. So we were pretty young when we started dating and got married.

But so it's a little unfair in that when you're at college, you're kind of forced into a small space with a lot of people. So there are lots of opportunities to spend time. But I think some of the principles from there, you I was involved in other things. Like I mentioned before, I was in a ballroom dancing club where we did swing dancing and, you know, Lauren was also in that.

we got to spend a lot of time together through that. And it wasn't like we were, you know, we were dancing with lots of people in the group. was, it wasn't an exclusive thing, but that was one of the areas where we got to spend some time having fun together. so those types of, of, of places, church is a great place or other, other clubs like that. Yeah.

But one thing that you said, BC, was first of all, you went to a Christian college, right? I did not, no, actually. so Cornell wasn't a Christian college? Nope, nope. Wow. No, but we- What was the morning worship that you were talking about? So that was just a student-led club, essentially, organization. So we did a Sunday evening service.

where we would do like worship and that kind of thing. And then there was just a small group of us that also met for like devotions in the morning. And it was, you it wasn't like everybody would show up, you know, but there were a few people who kind of rotated in and out of that. So if you're not going to be on OK Cupid, go to morning prayers. Yeah, there you go. You know, I,

I, the reason I was doing online dating was because I wasn't meeting people in my day to day life. I'm not, I was not a social butterfly. I, I was a little involved to church and then also, you know, I do like game days or everything, but it was always with the same people, you know, so I wasn't really meeting anybody new. And so it was kind of like, well, I've been doing what I've been doing for a long time and it hasn't

born fruit. So I need to do something different. And that's, that's when I started online dating and I started and stopped and started again. And then that's what, that's what I'm Michelle. Okay. So that's good. Like we just heard like a bunch of different things, dancing, sports, online church. Like we just heard a bunch of different things. So, um, yeah, that's one of the main things that

People want to know like, okay, you say actually, I found this statistic just by Googling and doing math and stuff that there's 35 million single Christian men in the United States. And everyone's like, okay, if there's all these single Christian guys, where are they? I'm like, you guys just said it. They're either online or they're playing sports or, you know, so they're there. Just need to go out and find them.

When you guys think about your wife, and you guys have kind of alluded to this, but I'm going to ask this question a little bit more specifically. Can you guys remember what actually inspired you to commit? Like where you were looking at her and you were like,

I've got to marry this girl. Like, do you remember some of that process? I'm gonna go with Andrew first, because I don't know Tabitha. So you have told her told us what got you interested in her. But what made you say I've got to marry this girl?

Really? By the time we started dating, I was...

pretty committed by that point because it took a lot to get me there. Because with the age gap between us, was like, don't think it'll work out with that. I didn't really know her parents well. So I'm like, are they going to think it's weird? This guy who's a bit older than their daughter going after her. I was just kind of worried how that would play out. So it took a lot to ever get me to that point.

So just to say that it kind of happened to me before we even started dating in a sense for me to make the choice to like, all right, I'm going to go ahead and pursue a relationship. But I also knew her really well by that point. So like very different situation than you and Caleb where you got to know each other by. Andrew, can I ask, so was she interested in you?

before you were interested in her. Is that fair?

no, I don't think so. We both, and she's sitting nearby and shakes her head. No, she wasn't. We both, we're slowly starting to talk a little more and joke with each other more and transitioning into flirting over time.

What was that? It was like a reciprocal loop. Yeah, it was. So fairly natural way of that happening. And so that was starting to grow my interest and then more and more. And I think some on her side, but kind of more in response to my slight interest a little bit in hers, a little more interest of mine, maybe little more on hers, but more lagging behind.

And how did the initial conversation go? Like, where, hey, maybe we can try dating.

Well, the first time I asked her out, she just went into shock at first and was like, well, maybe, let me get back to you. And then I was like, okay. So I left at that and- And the like three minutes it took me to drive home, because it was really short. She texted me.

and was like, sorry about sounding unsure, but yes, I do want to date you. So it didn't take her very long, but she was an initial shock when I first met her.

Wow. I'm sorry, I totally derailed that Michelle. That was not quite the original. What was the you asked? Okay, here's the original question, right? was it that made you want to commit? Like, I'm meaning like, so like, the holy grail, like guys are afraid of commitment, but obviously you weren't. So what made what did it for you? So for me, I

So I was struggling for a little while debating back and forth whether I should or not and was worried about like, am I interested in her for the right reasons or the wrong reasons? And I didn't want to do it if like, am I just attracted to her and just convincing myself that she's good because of that? Or am I seeing good traits in her, the right things?

And that is making me more attracted to her. And so I had to think about that a lot and pray about it. And the more I thought about it, I was like, you know, it actually was reassuring to me that I wasn't just immediately like crazy attracted to her at first. I'm like, no, I wasn't. It was as I got to know her and was impressed by her that I got more and more attracted to her.

So like, no, I think I'm attracted to her for the right reasons. And that gave me reassurance that I'm doing the right thing and I should move forward with this. And I think this is something God would be pleased with me doing. So that's what gave me the confidence, like, yes, I should go for her. What are the right reasons?

seeing her moral character that she's someone who is trying to follow God and go closer to him and serve others. And obviously not perfectly, like I'm not either, but is trying to go after God. pastor that I grew up with said, saying he would tell a lot of people that I really liked his

as hard as you can after God and then look sideways and see who's keeping up with you. So that was a saying that I tried to keep in mind. That's like so awesome to hear that like what like I'm going to summarize like what inspired you to commit and like what told you I should commit to this.

woman is seeing her moral character and seeing that she's someone who's following God and serving others. Like that sounds a lot like the Proverbs 31 woman, you know, it literally sounds like what we're told to do, but it's so hard to believe that that's, you know, going to get us a husband, you know, because what what the world tells us is you've got to lose weight, you've got to straighten your hair.

you've got straighten your teeth, like all these things. And it's really awesome that when you prayed about it, like what you were looking for was her relationship with God. So that's really, that's really beautiful. It really does sound like a Proverbs 31 attraction, which is really awesome. BC, Caleb, did you guys want to hit this question up? BC, you go first. I'll go after you. Okay.

Yeah, no, think so. I can think of a couple of things. I mean, just. Seeing Lauren's commitment to her faith and we grew up in kind of different. Religious backgrounds, I was in more of a. Less charismatic church than she grew up in, so seeing.

seeing some of those differences and the things that she was excited about.

even though that's not where we ended up church-wise, just her excitement and the different things she was bringing to faith was very attractive. And a big part of it for me, knowing that I was making the right decision. And I also, there's a moment that kind of sticks out to me as well. Just the, remember we had,

this is just, think, I believe that was after we had started dating. And we had gone with a group of friends to like a, a contra dance at a Quaker church, like, I don't know, about an hour away from campus. So a lot of fun, but I just remember sitting across the room and she had sat down and she was talking to just someone else across the room and the way that she was just interacting and engaged with other people.

Like it was just, it was really neat to see, like not being a part of it. I don't even know what they were talking about, but just the way that she brought people in and treated other people and was interested in what they were saying and how she could be excited and share that like excitement with other people. And then just treat really anybody that way was a real big thing for me.

I call that like a fruit of the spirit, like goodness, like what you just described sounds like goodness, like not the way you treat other people, not the people that you're trying to impress, not the people who can do something for you, just like people around you that can't give you anything back, but your heart of goodness because of the Holy Spirit inside of you. And I actually tell my clients that that's like flirting with the fruits of the spirit, like

to have love, joy, peace, patience. Like it is the way we get someone to fall in love with us, you know, when we display that. So that's a great example. I know Michelle and I have both been on the recipient of that from Laura. It's one of the reasons we love hanging out with you guys so much. So in my case, there were some moments.

you know, where, you know, you're in the initial stage of the relationship where, know, you're just getting to know each other and you're like, I don't know, could this, could this be a thing? And there were moments, wow, like maybe this, this is real. it was Michelle's first serious relationship and I had had my heart broken a few times. And so I was more pumping the brakes than she was in a, in a lot of ways. the,

and we had, actually, we, we had some, you know, the, distance relationship brought a whole set of challenges. and we, we had a couple of moments where, know, the relationship almost ended. but, in the end, two or three things stand out with me. First of all is Michelle's love for me. I've told her this before.

was so precious. just, I felt like I had to take care of it. And I didn't want anything to hurt her in the way that I had been hurt before. And I just, I felt like I had to take care of her. And the second of all is that Matthew has, he has what he calls unique pairings. And I think Michelle talks about this a few times.

There are the things about a person that are, know, you may find quality A in all these different people and you may find quality B in all of these other different people, but you only find those two qualities mixed together in your specific person, right? And so there were all these things about Michelle that are like, where would I ever find another person like her, you know, and

And once you reach that point, you it's like, I mean, yeah, you've got to stay with her, you know?

Bye.

Yeah, and then the other one was Michelle just really impressed me on a few occasions where we was actually when we were fighting over something and.

she would be able to step outside of her own like interest in the outcome and totally like see a 180 degree perspective and flip and be like, and just as hard as we were pushing against each other, all of a sudden we're pulling in the same direction. And that was really admirable to me.

So that flexibility I thought was really incredible and attractive. I think that one of the things I just want to say to summarize this is that

You don't know.

what is going to.

Like the art, the act of falling in love and committing to someone for the rest of your life is the most magical thing ever. And you don't know what that thing is gonna be that's gonna inspire your guy to commit to you. But there's some basic things that like, I really believe and I think Andrew said it really, really well, like it's different when you're a Christian.

It's different when you're a Christian. It should be different when you're a Christian. And so I'm just gonna say just to to sum all of this up that living a life worthy of the calling we have received and pleasing the Lord in every way is the path you need to take and the only path you need to worry about. Like allowing yourself to be flooded with the fruits of the spirit

and shining the fruits of the Spirit out and letting God's Word dwell in you richly and obeying God's Word and not settling for less than someone else who is obeying God's Word is all you need to worry about. And if you settle for anything less, you're going to be disappointed. You're going to miss out on the beauty that God has for you and the wonder that is a marriage

rooted in obedience to Christ. There's nothing better. I mean, like you guys, I mean, like from what you guys have said, like there's, you don't want to miss out on that. You don't want to miss out on the beauty of a marriage rooted in Christ. So I just want to thank you guys so much for answering these pokey questions. You guys were great. Like this is just like, I'm like,

So excited to share this with the people who are listening to me on my podcast and all of my audience. I know they're going to just like find so much encouragement from this. And actually, if you guys just want to like, just send out a message right now, each of you just say like, say whatever last words of encouragement you want to give to your fellow sisters who are, you know, your fellow sisters in Christ, we're single right now, but want to be married like

Do you have one last piece of encouragement that you'd like to share?

Well, maybe I'll say one thing. Sorry to jump ahead of you. No, go ahead. I thought of like one more thing that helped me feel confident about pursuing Tabitha was that I also asked around to my friends, people in the church that knew her as well, and asked what they thought.

Like, well, you know, I was just so unsure about it all and hearing other people say, yeah, they also see her as a godly, mature woman was very helpful to me. And even before her, I'd had a few times people in the church try to set me up with other

Christian girls that they knew and that didn't happen to work out. But that was interesting that people were like trying to do that for me that I guess they thought well enough for me that they're like, hey, here's this guy we respect and here's this other girl we think is good too and let's try to hook them up. It's just that it's not always even just trying to meet and find someone.

eligible, but even the people you know that aren't the older people in your church or other places and stuff, like they're not someone you might marry, but just the fact that they might know you and see you pursuing God, whether they introduce you to someone or just

they speak well of you when you find someone or just a lot of different ways. Like, God works in a lot of different ways to help make things happen. And it's not directly just finding that guy that you should be working on. And apparently the fact that her parents even were fine with us dating, even though they didn't really know me, is because they went and talked

to Pastor Ben and asked him about me and Pastor Ben spoke well of me. So if he hadn't, then it wouldn't have worked out with us. So it's not just about me having been a guy that attracts a girl, but it was very important that I was a guy that other people and other Christians thought well of. So same for a girl. Like you.

pursue God and other Christians will see that whether it's an eligible guy or not and that makes such a difference.

You know, it's again, like the beauty of the church, you know, like, again, that's like you said before, it's different being a Christian. And you just you were just talking about the church like you were. You were you were well spoken of by the people in the body of Christ, and that's something really special that, you know, if you're not a Christian, if you're not in the church, you don't have that, you know.

You might have a few friends and family, like we have like people that aren't related to us and people that have watched us from when we were little. you know, we have the church and that's, it's just so beautiful that that's just something unique to us as believers, you know? And so I would, I would even say that one of the beautiful things I hear in that is you guys were active in your church, right?

you guys were serving in your church and people knew you, you weren't just showing up on Sunday morning. So that's something for us all to remember too. Thanks, Andrew.

I would just say, you know, I think.

We're talking about, you know, we've talked a lot about looking for someone who has high standards, who isn't necessarily pushing you to do something you don't want to do. And it's important to remember, like it's okay to have those high standards because you're looking for someone to build a life with. And

Well, marriage is great, it's amazing. It's also really, really hard. And there are going to be tough times that you are going to have to tackle with whoever you end up with. There are going to be difficult situations. There's going to be, whether that's financial or sickness or whatever. mean, those vows are in there for a reason. And...

making sure that you get with someone you can walk that with who's going to care for you in that and who you can care for in those situations is really important. So don't feel like you have to rush it or get frustrated when that's not working out.

There is hopefully someone out there that you'll be able to connect with, but it's okay to hold out and make sure that you end up with someone who is worth ending up with. Wow, so good. And it's so funny because I feel like, it's Valentine's Day in 11 days. So I need to find someone in 11 days. I love it. No, you don't. Let's not rush this. Let's...

Let's wait for the good guy. Awesome. Such a good reminder. I think it's so funny that you say that because I feel like I need to hear that because like I can I can tend to be like, you got to find someone. It's been like da da da. And I, you know, I think when when I was single, this woman in my church, she's like, we need to get you a husband so that we can start your life. And it's like, no, your life, your life has already started even before you find a husband.

And like, this is gonna be a part of your life. And I really love what you said, V.C., about, let's not rush it. Let's wait for the right guy. Love that.

I just want to say all the gals out there, you know, that...

If you desire a husband, know, God has placed that on you. So the, and you're doing the right thing listening to Michelle's advice and, her, what she has to say about this. Cause, she's got a lot of really, practical, and spiritually, motivated, advice about it. So hang in there.

Your time is coming, your guy's coming. Just be patient and make yourself ready. Yeah, I love that. I don't know if you guys know this. I think Caleb knows this. I'm just a wealth of statistics tonight. Here's another statistic you guys might not know. Did you guys know that 91 %

of American adults get married. Did you know that? That's like over nine out of 10, like they get married at least once. So all I mean, like, you know, you know that saying the odds are in your favor, like the odds are in your favor. And I would just encourage the women to listen to this recording. Again, it has been so encouraging in so many ways. And

I just, I know there's so many things that I want to re-quote, but just being married myself and waiting for what felt like a long time, all I can say is like, it's worth the wait. Like marrying the right guy to walk out your life in love and in obedience to Christ, like marrying the right guy is worth it, worth waiting for.

And I will say this like, know that it's gonna happen. Like stop worrying. It's gonna happen. It's coming. Just be patient. Know that it's gonna happen and keep doing your part, right? Like keep listening to things that'll give you wisdom and give you knowledge and skill. Keep doing your part, but just know it's gonna happen. And it's worth waiting for the right guy. Yeah?

All right, guys. Well, thank you so much for letting me interview you. You've been great. I'll let NBC know where you are if they want to talk to you some more. Just kidding. All right, guys. Thank you so much. All right. Thank you. Catch you guys later. Thanks.

Michelle Joiner (1:10:08)
Wasn't that so amazing? I am so blessed to know so many godly Christian men and it was just my joy to be able to share this conversation with these guys with you today. And like I said, your man is coming. And what I would encourage you to do is to take advantage of the opportunities to meet your guys sooner. We can.

really kick the can down the road and say it's gonna happen one day. And then it just, years go by and it just doesn't happen. What I'm reminded of today is the first time I met one of my clients named Angelie, she came to me the end of the year and she really wanted to start the new year off with private coaching. And she heard the prize, she was like, my goodness.

I don't know if I can afford it. Let me just think about it. She went off by herself and came back less than two days later. I figured it out. I got the money together. I can start coaching. She figured it out. And by the next New Year's, we started coaching at the beginning of the new year. And by the next new year, she was engaged to her handsome, godly man. And a few months later,

she was married, she figured it out. She took advantage of the opportunity she had in front of her and got the help that she needed to find the love that she wanted. And that's what I'm here to do for you. So what I want you to do is go to my website, the christiandatingcoach.com and book a call. Have a conversation with me about what it would look like to have private mentorship in your life and how it would help you find your dream guy.

how it would help you go from a conversation and a few text messages to in love down on one knee and propose to. Let's get you married, sis.