Podcast 51: Don’t be Entitled

Falling in love happens in an instant. One day you're single. Next day, and for the rest of your life, you're not. It happens in the blink of an eye. It truly does not matter how long you are single because you'll be spending the entire rest of your life - not single. Your future husband is out there. You just need to meet him... and you will. 

Sis, your handsome, godly man is ready right now to fall in love with you. He's ready to take you home to meet his family, get down on one knee, and propose to you while everyone jumps up and down to cheer you two on.

I can help you meet this guy and show you how to have him crazy about you and dying to take you off the market. 

The main thing single, Christian women struggle with is finding compatible, godly men AND knowing how to talk to them so that they pursue and commit.

Through coaching, I help you with the mindset and strategy you need to combat those two obstacles. You meet more compatible men so you have options. AND you learn how to flirt so that you create chemistry. That's what leads to relationships and marriage.

Come work with me in my private, 1:1 coaching program where you find the love you've always longed for. 

Use the link below to make an appointment for a conversation with me on why coaching is just what you need to find the handsome, godly man that God created just for you. I'll help you find him and teach you how to inspire him to commit to you right now.

Let's get you married, Sis!

www.thechristiandatingcoach.com

Transcript

Michelle Joiner (00:01.102)
Hey, hey, sis. All right, I have a little bit of a hard talk to share with you today. And I say this with love, I say this with love, but I hear it a lot from guys. As you know, we just did a Ask a Guy interview with three Christian guys. And if you haven't listened to that podcast, go back in the...

history. It's I think podcast 47. Go listen to me as interviewing some Christian guys about relationships and sex before marriage and all that good stuff. But one of the things I hear guys say a lot is that they feel as though some of the women that they're talking to are just really entitled. And I

I often think to myself, why is it that that can happen? Honestly, with the sweetest girls, with the girls that have nothing but genuine kind hearts, but they're coming across as entitled. And I think about it like for myself, when I was single, I definitely probably would have been called entitled. I...

had a dad who was really big into John MacArthur and expository preaching and reading scripture like in big chunks, like reading the whole New Testament in a month and, you know, and then reading it again the next month. And so I had this really kind of like, I would almost say, arrogant attitude where

I felt like if you're not reading scripture the way I am, then I don't wanna be with you. Then you're not who I'm looking for. And I look back on that today and it was just arrogance and ego and entitlement that I thought that if someone didn't do exactly

Michelle Joiner (02:27.142)
my script, like you have to be this, this and this or else I'm not interested. And it really is pretty sad because it caused me to stay single longer and miss out on some really good interactions because I just kind of had this manual where I was like, well, you have to do this, this and this or else no, or else no.

And for me, it was you have to be reading scripture and listening to John MacArthur or else no, you know. And I would use that a lot. I would ask people, I would meet people. would say, do you know who John MacArthur is? And if they said no, then I just would be like, and then I kind of wouldn't be interested. And your story may not be exactly mine, but I promise you.

There's a hint of a manual and like a script that you have for the guys that you're talking to. They have to do this, this and this or else you're gonna bounce, you're gonna bell, you're not gonna be flirty with them. And things won't move forward. Things won't move forward. Like when we go into situations with people and we have a manual, like you have to do this and this.

so that I can feel this, this and this and do this and this.

It really hurts the relationship. A manual is something that we create like it's an instruction manual. You have to perform this way. Let me give you some examples that, you know, it might not be Jama Cawther for you, but like you have to, I would say, you have to be the one to ask for my number.

Michelle Joiner (04:28.666)
I'm not gonna ask you for your number. You have to be the one to ask for my number. That's your manual. And you say like, if he doesn't ask me for my number, then.

and he's just dead to me. Like I'm not interested. Or you have a manual like, we've sent each other a few messages back and forth. He saw my profile. Why hasn't he asked me out on a date yet? Why do I have to exchange these messages with you? You should just ask me on a date once you see my profile. Did you see my pictures? Did you see how pretty I am? You should just want to ask me on a date. That's a manual.

And here's the thing that the reason why that is so deadly is because it's putting all the all the power in someone else's hand because rather than doing what you can to take advantage of an opportunity, you're leaving it all up to the other person. He has to do this.

He has to do that. He has to do that. And if he doesn't even know what he has to do, he sends you a message and is trying to just talk to you. And he doesn't know that you're already mad because you haven't asked him out. Asked. He hasn't asked you out yet. He doesn't even know. But you're giving all of the agency to this guy when you could keep some agency yourself. Another one that I hear a lot is

I'm not going to call him. If he wants to call me, if he wants to reach out, there's so many ways for people to reach out in today's day and age. And if he wants to reach out, then I will pick up the phone. If he wants to reach out, then I'll talk to him. All I'm saying is, you're going to miss out. You're going to miss out on some, I know because I missed out.

Michelle Joiner (06:37.101)
You are going to miss out on some good relationships. You might even miss out on marriage. It might take you longer to get married if you carry this entitled.

energy further. What I find is that a lot of times it comes, we put up these manuals because of our own insecurities. And it's like, if you call me or if you ask for my number or if you ask me on a date, then I'll be able to feel like you like me. And what I learned when I started getting coaching as a single person,

I'm amazing and Everybody likes me. I just assumed that like I don't need you to show me that you like me because I know you like me Everybody likes me. I am amazing. I Am gonna make you feel like like I literally would walk around and tell myself men love talking to me I didn't need I had all the evidence I needed I didn't need to

have a guy do this, then do this, then do that to prove anything to me. I already knew that men loved talking to me. And so if I was the one to say, hey, you want to grab a cup of coffee or hey, I really enjoyed hanging out with you. do you want to exchange contact info so we can keep in touch? Like, are you on Instagram? Are you on Facebook? Like, let's keep in touch. I didn't have a problem saying that because I didn't need anything else.

I didn't need any more validation or assurance. I knew that guys when they hung out with me wanted to keep hanging out with me. And that was just what I believed. So I didn't need anything else. And that was, and then, and then I'll tell you when I met Caleb, he didn't, he know about John MacArthur, but I had changed. And so what I realized about Caleb was that his heart was so full of grace.

Michelle Joiner (08:47.702)
He has so much grace for people and so much openness and kindness and love. And what I saw was a heart that had been softened by God's love. And he was such a kind and compassionate man, full of grace, like giving people far more than what they deserved. I was so attracted to that. And I realized

that all of my requirements and manuals, like you have to read the Bible. He did read the Bible, but he didn't read as much as John MacArthur, and he didn't even know who John MacArthur was. But I had dropped my manuals, and I got to know someone. I got to meet someone and experience them and create memories with them and fall in love with them with

out like requiring them to be anything.

He loved the Lord. He was a Christian. He loved people. He believed the Bible. He obeyed the Bible. He was saving sex for marriage. He was a hard worker. He was respectful of his parents. Some things that weren't on my list before, but I had put down my list and put down my manuals and I really just was welcoming people in and accepting them for who they are and accepting them for what they had to give.

So if you listened to this podcast, I'm gonna be yeah, she's right. I do do that. I want you to think like entitlement isn't attractive, but it happens. It happens, especially when we've been single a long time, and we're hurting, but that's what it is. We're just being entitled.

Michelle Joiner (10:49.427)
And I want you to just stop and think like, these guys really don't owe you anything at this point. They're not required to follow your manuals. And I promise you, your manuals are only gonna keep you single longer. Give this a try. Give this a try. Put your manuals down. Accept someone for who they are. Stop looking towards them for validation that you can give yourself.

Give yourself the validation, give yourself the insurance. It doesn't matter what this guy says, because you know who you are. So this was a tough love I have for you today. I told you today was going to be a hard one, but listen, that's what I'm here for. I'm the Christian dating coach. I'm here to give you the hard truths. I'm here to help you get out of your own way. All the women that I coach are amazing, successful,

powerful women. Some of them are coaches themselves. Some of them are doctors. Some of them are lawyers. Some of them are nurses. my gosh, they are so powerful. They kick butt. But sometimes we're so good at one area and we have blind spots in the other. And that's what I'm here to help you with. Because as much success you've had in your career, in your personal life, you could have success here too.

in your love life. And that's what I'm here to help you with. Get my brain. My brain is a particularly expert brain on relationships, love, and finding Christian godly men. I know you want that. So what I want you to do is go to my website, thechristiandatingcoach.com and book a call for a free conversation with me on whether or not private coaching is exactly what you are looking for.

to help you get the love that you long for.

Michelle Joiner (12:53.328)
Let's get you married, sis.