Podcast 50: First Date Tips that Lead to Second Dates and Beyond

Falling in love happens in an instant. One day you're single. Next day, and for the rest of your life, you're not. It happens in the blink of an eye. It truly does not matter how long you are single because you'll be spending the entire rest of your life - not single. Your future husband is out there. You just need to meet him... and you will. 

Sis, your handsome, godly man is ready right now to fall in love with you. He's ready to take you home to meet his family, get down on one knee, and propose to you while everyone jumps up and down to cheer you two on.

I can help you meet this guy and show you how to have him crazy about you and dying to take you off the market. 

The main thing single, Christian women struggle with is finding compatible, godly men AND knowing how to talk to them so that they pursue and commit.

Through coaching, I help you with the mindset and strategy you need to combat those two obstacles. You meet more compatible men so you have options. AND you learn how to flirt so that you create chemistry. That's what leads to relationships and marriage.

Come work with me in my private, 1:1 coaching program where you find the love you've always longed for. 

Use the link below to make an appointment for a conversation with me on why coaching is just what you need to find the handsome, godly man that God created just for you. I'll help you find him and teach you how to inspire him to commit to you right now.

Let's get you married, Sis!

www.thechristiandatingcoach.com

Transcript

Michelle Joiner (00:00.994)
Hey, hey sis, I want to give you this little nugget. It will be a little quick win because I know sometimes we go on first dates and they don't lead to second dates. And there's a lot of reasons why that happens. the main reason, sometimes we think that that happens because

we're not pretty enough or we weren't peppy enough or we didn't put out like we didn't have sex with a guy or we didn't I don't know like I don't know guys are jerks like that's just the way guys are guys aren't afraid of commitment and I was too much for them and none of that is the reason says none of that is the reason the reason why the

date didn't turn into a second date is because there wasn't any chemistry. There wasn't any chemistry in your interactions. He didn't feel that spark. And so he, he was like, you know what? I wanted to feel something and I didn't feel it. So there, I'm just not going to call her back. And I had this happen to me when I was single, I know what this feels like. A lot of times we think, and especially for me, I know what this feels like because

You thought the date went well, you guys had great conversation, but here's the thing, guys don't date women they have great conversation with. No guy is gonna go home to his buddies and say, we just had great conversation. even as I'm saying it, you realize and you know that I'm right. Like guys are not that way. What they're gonna go back and say, tell their buddies this, guys.

She's the one. I just felt something. I just knew it. She's the one. And I want to help you just begin to get there. Now, listen, I have been coaching for five years. I've helped hundreds of Christian women. And even before that, have years of my whole single life was basically a university for becoming the Christian dating coach.

Michelle Joiner (02:25.094)
I had multiple coaches. think I had three dating coaches total, all the different coaches that helped me while I was single. No, I'm just thinking of another one, a fourth one. I had at least four coaches that helped me in my journey to find love. I read gobs and gobs of books on relationships and talking to men and how men think. And I...

You know, we talk about like money and how we don't want to invest money. I invested tons of money. I've invested so much money in my mind and I would say I would say upwards of $100,000 in my mind and coaching and and learning how the human brain works and how to create results in your life. Like I've spent

at least $100,000 in all of my learning and growing to create that. And I don't charge $100,000, but I have that kind of investment in my mind and that mind is what helps you. This expert brain that I have helps you in your love life. And it takes your magic and your expert brain, because honestly, most of the women, I would say all of the women that come to work with me,

have an expert brain. It may not be an expert brain in love, not expert at love, but they are so successful and powerful. They are the total package. And we combine them being a total package and my expert brain on love and create magic. And there's already been two weddings for me this year.

for my clients and the year's just getting started. And last year there were tons of weddings and engagements and I believe it was four of my clients got married last year and three got engaged and five started relationships that were moving towards engagement. And so what I wanna tell you is that when I give you these suggestions, when I...

Michelle Joiner (04:44.188)
explained to you that the reason why that date didn't progress to the second day is because there wasn't enough chemistry. I want to show you and prove to you, I know what I'm talking about. Like I know what I'm talking about. And whether or not you come and work with me in private coaching or my sisterhood or take my course, like I'm here to help you find the love of your life. And I have a proven method that does that. So here, listen up. I want to give you

three little tips, three little tips of what you can do on a first date that are gonna help you and make it more likely for you to move to a second date. And remember, this isn't so much about having good conversation. That's not really the point. You don't have to be the smartest girl in the room and the fastest and the most, best listener or anything like that. No, you have to do a couple of things. And here,

Let me share with you what I would do if I was going on a first date. One of the first things I would do, because yes, we are gonna use words. So it's not like I'm saying like, oh, it's gonna be like how low cut your dress is. That's not what it's gonna be. It is gonna be your words, but you have to use your words very carefully. So the first thing I might do to start a day off is I might ask a guy to tell me his testimony.

And the goal of me asking him to tell me his testimony isn't for me to judge him and say like, well, you're not kind of Christian. I'm looking for you're not a real Christian, whatever that means. The goal is for me to tell him that I respect him. And I think that someone sharing their testimony and sharing what they believe about the Lord is one of the most beautiful ways.

for me to respect them. So I'm gonna invite him to show me how I can respect him. Because one of the things men need more than anything else is to feel respected. Okay? He needs to feel respected. So I'm gonna invite him to give me an opportunity to show me that I can respect him. All right, so that's like the first thing. The second thing is desire. There has to be desire.

Michelle Joiner (07:06.232)
There has to be that I want you energy, right? And I teach my clients to do this in three ways. Talk, touch, and tone, right? So tell him he looks hot. Tell him you love the sexy glasses. Give him a hug and put your arm around his neck and like touch the back of his neck when you're giving him a hug. Like right there, that soft spot at the nape of your neck.

touch that spot. it's, just, you want to create a, are not friends energy. Like we are, we're here to fall in love. That's what we're doing. So that's kind of how I would start to create, I want you energy. I don't want it to be, I want to go home and sleep with you energy, but it needs to be an, want you like, like we're not friends. Like we are out of the friend zone.

right? And this is this is one of the ways that I would do it. I love this way. It's kind of like a modest sexiness, like it's a flirt pure. And this is a really beautiful way to get out of the friend zone, but still show him that you're pure, show him that you are modest. And the the touch on the shoulder, the touch on the arm, like just

beautiful, modest ways to be like, I'm a woman and you're a man. Now, the best way for me when I was single to use the word sexy, I would use the word sexy to describe non-sexy things. So I didn't say, oh, you're so hot and sexy. I can't wait to take your clothes off. Like I didn't say that, but I might say, oh, you look hot. I love the sexy glasses, right?

And do you hear my tone? you hear my of like, whoo, you know, like very feminine, very girly, very hot and sexy myself, you know? And so that's just like a little hint, a little tip of how you can be like, I want you energy. Use sexiness and those kinds of things to describe non-sexual things, like definitely non-sexual things.

Michelle Joiner (09:28.031)
So, you know, you got the sexy cappuccino. Look at you, Mr. Hot Guy. Do you see what I did there? Cappuccinos are not sexy, but I just made them sexy, right? All right, moving on. The next thing I want you to do is associate yourself with amazing memories of his. So.

If I was gonna talk to him, I would talk to him, and I did this a lot when I was single, I would ask, what's your favorite holiday? Tell me why it's your favorite holiday. And they would tell me about Thanksgiving and the food their family would make and the games their family would play. And they'd go into, and they'd be going down memory lane with me. And the beautiful thing about that, again, I know what I'm talking about, right? I know what's happening when you do this.

He's now associating you with all of those memories. Now you're, now you're, he's picturing you at the next family event. So he's associating all this wonderful love that he fills for his family and all these fond memories with you as he's telling you about it, right? So again, like you're creating like one of the things I love.

to do when I'm on my first date with someone is begin that intimacy, like to begin the intimate feeling where like we're close to each other, right? Okay. And then lastly, the last thing I would talk about is fears. And I would just say, what are your fears? What are you most afraid of? I love the sexiness in this question.

It is so confiding. is so like, tell me like you can confide in me. I'm safe to confide in. And then one of the things that you better be doing is answering all these questions. So you're going to tell him your testimony. You're going to tell him what your favorite holiday is. And you're going to tell them what your fears are because this is where you get to say my biggest fear is being alone.

Michelle Joiner (11:47.672)
I want to get married. I want to have like a passionate romance. I want to have like my best friend. I want to have a forever kind of love. I want to have a can't sleep love. And you're getting vulnerable here. And vulnerable is the new sexy, my friend. Vulnerable is the way to get a guy like he, like one of the things that Caleb says about me is that he felt like he had to protect me.

Like the love that I had, like he never wanted anything to hurt it. Right? And that's what you're doing by sharing your fears, by sharing your testimony, by sharing your memories. You're creating this world where he's like, wow, she feels safe with me and I feel safe with her. I've got to protect her. Right? So I know that you're listening to us and you're like, wow, that's so different from the dates that I've been on. Usually when I go on a date with a guy, I ask him about his job.

And you know, I don't, and then like, I ask him like what he's gonna do for summer vacation or, you know, what are his hobbies? I'm like, no, don't ask about those things. Those things are boring. They're boring for him. As I've told you before in a previous podcast, like most people's lives are pretty boring. So we're not gonna do that. We're gonna talk about like, if you listen to what I said, his testimony,

family memories, fears. Yes, they're about him, but they're about the special parts of him. The parts of him that are going to evoke closeness and intimacy with you. Talking to him about his job isn't gonna do that. Talking to him about his hobbies isn't gonna do that. Talking about these things, trust me sis, and you'll start creating chemistry.

So like I said, right now, what I want to invite you to is private mentorship with me. As I said before, I have a unique background where I've invested so much in my brain so that I can help people. And what I would love to do is help you with your journey, help you with your journey to find love. If you are the typical total package woman who listens to me and

Michelle Joiner (14:09.87)
follows me on Instagram, follows me on Facebook and listens to my podcast. If you're the typical total package woman, you have created a lot of success in your life. And one of the things you've probably used is mentors. And that is literally what I am. I am a mentor for your love life. And more specifically, I'm a Christian mentor. One of the things I didn't have when I was single is a Christian coach. I was getting coaching from

people in the world and a lot of them disagreed with me on saving sex for marriage and looking for a man that has his mind set on things above. Like some of my coaches were like, no, you need a wealthy guy. Or I'm like, no, I'm not interested in wealth. I'm interested in godliness and they didn't understand me. So having me as a Christian coach is a very unique opportunity for you to have a mentor that

believes the same values and standards and has the same values and standards that you have. That's what makes me so special as a dating coach that I'm a Christian dating coach and I'm here to help you do things God's way. I want to help you be sexy in a sanctified way. I want to help you be modest but also flirtatious. And that's one of the unique things that I bring to my coaching program. So what I want you to do sis is book a call.

to talk to me, have a conversation and find out if coaching is right for you. There's a very unique process that I take you through in my coaching program. What I find is that most women are not meeting enough godly men to give them options. just not, they don't have enough options. They're not meeting enough guys and they're definitely not the kind of godly compatible men they're looking for.

And then if by some miracle they meet a Christian guy that they like, they end up in the friend zone and it doesn't create, a relationship isn't created out of the interaction at all. And it's the biggest frustration of the clients that come to me. So I teach you transformations in four main areas. Confidence, confidence from men, confidence in Christ, confidence in yourself, believing that you're desirable and sexy and...

Michelle Joiner (16:33.611)
you know, confident to talk to any guy. And then connections where you're meeting these godly men that you're looking for in person, online, you're meeting them wherever you go.

communication where I teach you how to talk to men to inspire him to commit, to inspire him to pursue, and just how to talk to men effectively, flirtatiously, magnetically. I teach you how to talk to men. Men think a little bit differently from us women. I teach you how to talk to them so that you get into their brain and they are dying to pursue and commit to you. And then lastly, I teach you how to create chemistry, which is more of that communication, but how to create chemistry

so that you're not having platonic pen pal conversations. You're having conversations where the both of you are falling in love. And I teach you all of that. And all of those things is because the guy that you're looking for is ready to fall in love with you. He is so ready. He is ready to...

Go to Macy's and pick out plates. You know how when you get married, you have to pick out plates for your registry? That's what he's ready for. He is ready. Just like you're ready to go pick out plates, he's ready to go pick out plates. It's so funny, but that is what your guy is ready for. You need to meet him, sis, and you need to know how to talk to him. So, Book of Calls, have a conversation with me about private mentorship coaching, and let's get you married, sis.