Podcast 54: Hell vs Heaven - You’re Not Too Picky. You Just Need a System.

Sis, what if I told you the reason you’re still single isn’t because you’re too picky, too late, or too much — but because you’ve been dating without a system?

In this episode, I’m pulling back the curtain on the real reason so many godly women are stuck in dating hell — swiping endlessly, getting ghosted, and wondering if “your person” even exists. Spoiler alert: he does. But your strategy? It needs a divine upgrade.

You’ll hear the truth about:

• Why winging it won’t get you married (even with the best intentions)
• What’s really holding you back (and no, it’s not your standards)
• How my client Anjali went from single to engaged in less than a year using my proven system
• The heaven that awaits when you date with clarity, confidence, and Christ at the center

If you’ve been trying this your way for 10, 15, even 20 years — it’s time for a reset. This episode is your invitation to stop surviving dating and start thriving in your bride era.

Let’s get you married, Sis. 💍

This podcast is going to fire you up. Send me an email and let me know you want in on the Bride to Be Unlocked experience.

michelle@thechristiandatingcoach.com

Transcript

Michelle Joiner (00:00.833)
Hey, hey, sis. I recently held a master class, a live master class that 60 women applied to join. They applied, they registered, and I have to tell you, there was a common theme throughout the master class, a common theme that almost everyone said that they were experiencing.

To sum it up, was kind of like they were all going through the same kind of hell. The same kind of hell without a system. This is what it looks like when you don't have a system. When you're just winging it, throwing spaghetti at the wall, hoping you'll meet the right guy, hoping that the stars will align and you too will feel a spark. This is what it feels like when you don't have a system that's

proven to get results in marriage. You're swiping endlessly. Yeah. You're like killing it on the apps or maybe you stop swiping altogether because nothing ever leads anywhere. And the only men that message you are guys you're not remotely attracted to or men that seem okay at first, but then they ghost after day three.

and you go to church or two events or two conferences or two fast track speed dating events and it feels like you're one in a sea of other women. And if there are guys there like one or two guys, none of them are interested or you're not interested in them. And you're starting to wonder

if the kind of man you want even exists. You're starting to doubt yourself. Am I too picky? Am I too much? Is God ever gonna answer my prayer? And you watch your friends get married and start families, post-anniversaries, and you celebrate with them, but deep down it stings.

Michelle Joiner (02:23.359)
because you don't want to wait another five years. You don't want to spend one more Christmas single. You don't want to go to one more wedding solo, smiling through the pain while praying your turn is coming. But here's the worst part about this hell that we're in when we're single and don't have a system. You don't know what else to do and you're trying your

best, but there's no clear path forward. I talked to people who have been wanting this, wanting to find the love of their life, wanting to start their walk into their calling of being a wife. I have talked to people who have wanted this for 10 years, 15 years.

Isn't it time to do something different? Like, when are we gonna say, I've tried as hard as I can, I need to change this. Sis, if you've been trying this for 10, 15 years, it's time to get a clear path. It's time to get some help. It's time to get some support. It's time to get some guidance. It's time to get an expert.

brain on your love life because what you're doing isn't working. Are you going to try for another 10 years? Another 15 years, another five years? What would change?

Remember like what the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result. Cause let me tell you the heaven, the heaven that is awaiting you when you have a system. When you're inside my system, you're inside a system that gets your mindset clear and your strategy working and you're moving with God. I'm the Christian dating coach guys.

Michelle Joiner (04:19.005)
And you don't feel like you're wandering in a fog anymore. You're starting to feel directed and empowered. And you're not just dating, you're connecting. You're not just swiping, you literally feel like you're being pursued. And you're talking to men who actually make your heart flutter. Men who text back, who follow up, who...

plan dates, men who listen when you speak, who remember what you said, who ask about you and genuinely care about the answer. You go to an event and your energy is magnetic. You're standing there in that glow, right? The glow that says, yes, I know who I am and I know what I want.

and then notice that. And your conversation feels flirty and easy and fun. You're not performing. You're just being your full self. And it's working because it's rooted in truth. It's rooted in proven success. And because the man you're attracting, he's ready. The type of man that you're looking for

The type of my client coined it, handsome, godly man. You need to talk to him in his language, in the way he speaks, in the way he thinks, because he doesn't play games. He's not confused. And when you talk to him in his language, he adores you. He respects you. He talks about the future, guys. He says things like, I think this is the woman that I'm supposed to marry.

That's what happened to me when I met Caleb. That's what happens to my clients. And you find yourself in the middle of something that feels rare and holy, a relationship where you feel safe and seen and protected and pursued. And deep down, you know, this is the beginning of my marriage story. God is doing it. And I'm finally in a position to receive it.

Michelle Joiner (06:44.707)
because when you partner with the Holy Spirit and a proven strategy, you don't just date, you get married.

Michelle Joiner (06:57.497)
and you don't lose yourself in the process, you become your most radiant, rooted, irresistible self. I want to tell you about one of my clients. Her name's Angele. She totally fast-tracked her love story. She came to me so excited, so ready, and it didn't matter. She was like, I don't know how I'm gonna pay for it, but somehow she figured it out. She got resourceful because she was ready.

Right? She came to me right around New Year's, like literally a couple days before New Year's, she was single and hopeful and ready to do the work. She wasn't just dreaming about getting married. She wasn't going to wait another 10 years and hope something would happen. She showed up for herself. She said yes to herself. And she joined my coaching program. And listen, this is what she did. You want to hear how my clients get successful? This is how they do it.

Anjali she visited the places I told her to visit I give all of my clients a list I call it a connection injection of Places where to go in your area I get your zip code and I give you this list of places to go in your area to find compatible men I find out your interest I find your age like everything like that so that this list is for you and nobody else

And Anjali went to the places that I told her to go. And then she created a dating profile. She was like, Michelle. So we created a dating profile together. I literally took her dating profile and got my patented framework. I've got patented framework on dating profiles from my old coach, from my old dating coach. We recreated her profile and she started getting messages from all kinds of guys.

And almost every single day she was in our message group saying, what should I say? What should I say to this guy? Michelle, what about this? What should I say to this guy? And that's how she started. And she, she totally overthrew all of her previous ways of talking to men that were shy or timid. And she became a flirt pure master guys.

Michelle Joiner (09:22.262)
She didn't overthink, she didn't delay. She acted with faith and strategy. And on April 1st, she met a man on Upward. And by May 21st, they made it official. And then on New Year's Eve, I got an email from her that said, Michelle, guess what? I'm engaged. It happened on New Year's Eve at the same park we met. He popped the question.

It was so romantic. I cried. He got married before May of that year. So did you hear that guys? Did you hear that timeline? She started the year single. She ended the year engaged and by the next spring she was married. And now they're talking about babies and all that good stuff. See, this doesn't have to take forever. It really doesn't.

When you align your mindset and your strategy and your spirit, God can move quickly. So what does that mean for you today? Well, sis, what that means for you today is let's take some action. I want to tell you about about what can happen for you. And I'm not just saying this, like what can happen for you, like a motivational quote. Like this is what I've watched happen.

time and time again with clients who join my program and then meet their person, right? So if you're starting to feel something stirring in you, like that flutter in your chest, that whisper that says that could actually be me, I want you to lean in. Because my system is not just a cute concept, it's a framework, a strategy, a partnership with me.

with you, with God. And when you fully step into it, you don't just date differently. You become the woman who gets chosen. You find the man that is walking with the Lord and doing the hard things because he wants to obey the Bible. And you become the woman who gets an inbox full of texts from a man she's excited about.

Michelle Joiner (11:47.452)
and you walk into your engagement season with confidence. Now this is why I created the program Bride to Be Unlocked, right? I'm not here to hand you more theory. I'm here to unlock your bride era, right? And walk you down a clear path to the future you're dreaming of. With God's help.

and with my strategy that I've proven with other clients. So if it's okay with you, I'm just gonna real quick run you through what the bride to be unlocked experience is like. There's two experiences. There's the sisterhood experience and there's the solo siren one-on-one private client experience.

And in both of those experiences, you're in my Bri to be Unlocked program.

There's four transformations that I guarantee you will experience, right? Four transformations. One, confidence, right? And this is more than just a looking in the mirror and saying, I am beautiful, I am smart. It's more than that. It's a confidence in who you are in Christ, confidence around men, knowing that men love talking to you and that men are excited when you walk into the room. It's a knowing of that.

it factor of like, know men like talking to me and I know how to talk to men. I know how to inspire them to pursue and commit. You have that confidence and you have the confidence that you are called to be a wife and you act out in that confidence. Remember your thoughts create your results. So you have confidence that you're called to be a wife. You're going to show up differently, right?

Michelle Joiner (13:43.735)
You telling yourself, I'm not sure it will happen for me. I guess I'll just be okay with it if it's not in Atlanta. We're not doing that. That's going to create that result. That kind of thought creates that result. I'm not sure it's going to happen for me. Guess what? It won't. Right. So we're going to walk in confidence of our calling. Confidence around men, confidence in Christ. OK, that's the first one. The second one is connection. Every client that comes into my world.

gets a connection injection list. I'm talking like guys, matchmaker level list here. Go here, go there. And remember what I said about Anjali. She went to all the places I had her go to on her list. And as she did that, that was another way that she grew her confidence. She grew her certainty that this is gonna happen for me, cause she kept meeting amazing, godly men. But I'm gonna help you with that. I'm gonna help you find.

the places in your area that you can go to so you can stop telling yourself, there's no men in my area. There's no men where I live. You can stop telling yourself that and start telling yourself, there are amazing men everywhere. It's gonna change the way you show up. And then I am the queen of online dating, so I'm also gonna help you connect online. And one of my clients said that, she said there were so many, after she changed her profile, she said there were so many men that,

great men that wanted to talk to her as she didn't have time to talk to all of them, right? So that's connection. Let's have you meeting compatible men. Let's go. All right. And then the last two transformations are in chemistry and communication. So I teach women how to create chemistry. Like I said, 60 women, 60 women registered for my masterclass because they want this.

They wanna learn how to talk to men, how to flirt pure. That's a phrase that I coined, how to flirt pure, how to call the right man in, how to draw, like remember the kind of man you're looking for, that handsome godly guy, like the GQ good looking, Bible believing, Bible obeying, word of God loving man, you need to talk to him in his language. And if you're kind of like,

Michelle Joiner (16:04.446)
Not sure how to talk to men in general and you kind of are stuck in this small talk slash platonic friend zone, know, nowhere land. That's not going to draw him in. We want him to see you and recognize and be magnetized to you like right away. We're not missing our opportunities here. All right. When you meet the guy, you want to be ready. And that's what chemistry is where you learn how to create chemistry.

Cause this type of man, he's looking for a feeling guys. He's looking for a feeling. He's looking for that spark. And if you aren't able to create that, if you come with boring small talk or kind of like, you know, niceness, sisterness, friendliness, he's just gonna turn and move on to someone else, right? He's looking for a feeling and you can create that feeling. You can learn how to talk to men. So.

you create that feeling. So you create that for song and that electricity and that energy of like tension, like there's tension between you two, like in a good way, like a sizzle in between you. Let's learn how to talk to men in that way. And then lastly is communication where, and that's where you learn the right phrases, the right timing so that you can progress the relationship so that the relationship has momentum.

so that you declare your standards, so that you work through problems, or you come up with decisions together. You learn how to communicate. You know, we talk about in marriage, I'm sure you've seen the marriage books or the marriage seminars, seminars like communication is one of the most important things that couples need to learn. Well, if you can learn it now, you will have the relationship of your dreams. Now, sis.

What I want you to do, I'm giving you all the juice. I'm spilling all the tea here. This is my system. I know like other dating coaches could listen and just go sell that because it's a proven system. This is what has helped my clients. This is what helped Anjali. She's married now. I have so many clients. I took them through this system and now they're married and excited and living their life with their amazing husband.

Michelle Joiner (18:27.709)
an amazing man of God that most of them said didn't think existed. Most clients come to me and they're like, there's no more men. There's no more men of God. But listen, guys, God is building his church and the gates of hell are not going to there. There's not going to overcome it. All right. So listen, you have a choice. I just showed you the heaven that is available to you in my proven system.

Right. And then I also told you like the hell that a lot of women that come to me are in who are just kind of throwing spaghetti at the wall, hoping it works, signing up for another app, hoping it works. But they've been trying this for 10, 15, sometimes longer. 10, 15, 20 years trying this. That's like the hell. I just present you with heaven. And to get there.

All you need to do is make a decision. Like I said, the decision for you today is to join my Bride to Be Unlocked program. If you're interested in the sisterhood experience, I want you to move fast, okay? Like successful people say this to themselves all the time. Do it now, do it now, do it now.

I want you to move fast on March 27th, 2025. I am starting a new sisterhood experience, a new sisterhood cohort. I want you to be in it. And there's a lot of people already interested in it. And there's a cap for how many people can get in. There's people in there now and there's a cap for how many people can get in it. And there's obviously a timeline, right? March 27th.

So if that's you, do it now. I want you to send me an email, michelle at the christiandatingcoach.com. That is the quickest way to get into the program. Michelle at the christiandatingcoach.com. Send me an email, ask me, tell me about the sisterhood. Is it too late to join? If you are listening to this after March 27th, I want you to do the same thing.

Michelle Joiner (20:44.58)
I want you to send me an email and we'll put you on the waiting list for the next sisterhood experience. I can't say when it is. I don't know when it is. I only run these a few times, a couple, a few times a year, but you send me an email and we will get you on that waiting list. But that's only if you're listening to this after March 27th. If you're listening to this before March 27th, sis, let's go.

Let's do it now because I promise you one thing. I promise you one thing. The enemy of your success and love is delay. Putting it off, trying to take the easier route, saying you'll do it later. Maybe when you're less busy, maybe when there's less going on, that is never going to happen. I know that because the women who follow me are like kick butt ladybosses, right? They have amazing

responsibilities, amazing lives. They are busy, they are helping people, they are serving people, but what I want you to do is choose you. And if you put it off, it's gonna be another five years. I've seen it happen. I've seen it happen. I've seen people come to me interested in coaching and then they come back to me five years later and they're still single because they put it off when they should have done it now. So again,

Like I said, your call to action is this. Send me an email, michelle at the christiandatingcoach.com. Ask about this. Now, if you're interested in the one on one program, just do that. What you're going to do is send me email and say, hey, Michelle, I'm interested in one on one. And I'll let you know if I have any spots available for that. And if I have a spot available, we'll probably meet together, see if you're a good fit for it. Meet together on a consult call.

and then we get you going. Then we get you going because both, one of the beautiful things about this is both these coaching experiences have amazing results. They're my most successful success stories come from these coaching experiences, the Sisterhood experience and the one-on-one experience.

Michelle Joiner (23:02.158)
So literally, sis, you have a choice. Are you ready to step into the heaven of finding your forever person? Going down a track and going with a method that's proven and successful, and it's just waiting for you to say yes. Let's get you married,