Podcast 56: Why is it taking so long?

In this episode, Michelle dives deep into a thought that plagues so many single women — “Why is it taking so long?” If you’ve ever found yourself frustrated with the timeline of your love life, this one is for you. Michelle unpacks the mindset behind the question, why it’s keeping you stuck, and how surrendering to God’s perfect timing might be the most powerful shift you can make.

But she doesn’t stop there — because mindset alone isn’t enough. Michelle also calls out the modern dating struggle of “throwing spaghetti at the wall” and hoping something sticks. She’ll show you why understanding strategy and chemistry is key to not just dating... but creating the spark that leads to lasting love.

Get ready for a blend of peace, truth, and practical action steps — including an invitation to her free Swipe. Match. Marry. Masterclass happening Saturday, April 12th at 2pm PT.

💥 Ready to stop spinning your wheels and start seeing results?
 
Visit www.thechristiandatingcoach.com/masterclass to save your seat.

Transcript

Michelle Joiner (00:02.124)
Hey, hey sis, I like to think that I am a mindset coach and a strategy coach. In fact, even today, I believe in coaching so much that I actually have a lot of coaches myself. And what I always think to myself when I meet a new coach or I'm looking for a new coach is, is this a mindset coach and the strategy coach? Why? Because I don't wanna just be coached on my mindset, but I do want a

that can coach on mindset. And in specific, what I love coaching the most is something called cognitive behavioral techniques where you actually look at the thoughts that you're thinking and see how they are affecting the thoughts, the cognitions, how they're affecting your behaviors. And then then if they're affecting your behaviors, how they're affecting your results. So I look for a coach that can do that. And that is the type of coach that I am.

but I don't want someone to just coach me on what I'm thinking. I want a coach that can help me take actions in ways that I can't, that in ways that I haven't thought of yet or ways that I don't know how to do. So I'm always looking for a coach that can give me more skills that I don't have yet. So today, what I want to do though is coach you. I want to coach you.

on your mindset specifically. Now I like to do this all the time. I have flirting. have long distance dating. have online dating. I have like different strategies that I teach my clients and then I've been teaching you on this podcast. But today I really thought there's this one mindset that I see tripping so many people up and I always see it and it always confuses me.

because this shouldn't trip you up. This isn't a thought that should even exist, but it does. This thought that I'm about to share with you, I bet is in your mind.

Michelle Joiner (02:15.519)
I'd like to submit to you that it shouldn't be. This particular thought should not be in your mind. And that thought is why is it taking so long? I know, and you're like, what Michelle? I can't help it. I can't help thinking that. Well, I realized that because even though I'm saying this thought shouldn't be in your mind, I know why it's there. Cause it's hard. Cause it's hard because

A lot of your dreams are based on a timeline. You have hopes and desires that you wanted to take place and you need a husband to make them happen. And not just having kids, that's not the only thing. There's a lot of things that you lose and that you don't get to do with this extended singleness that is plaguing the Christian community.

is plaguing actually the whole world, but in particular, the Christian community is having such a hard time with this thing called extended singleness. Why? It's hard. Why is this taking so long? But what I'd like to submit to you today is that being frustrated with a timeline is never going to serve you. And what I'd like to do is create a little bit of peace in your heart and acceptance in your heart for the timeline. I have things

my gosh, so many things in my life and marriage is one of them. Having children is another one of them. Building my business, losing weight, getting my finances in order. so many things, like so many things in my life that have taken so much longer than I wanted them to. But here's the one thing I didn't do.

And that's the one thing that I'm going to encourage you to do. I did not rail at the timeline. I literally just accepted the timeline and I want you to do the same. If you can accept the timeline, if you can be at peace with the timeline, I'm not saying you have to like the timeline. You don't have to like the timeline.

Michelle Joiner (04:32.85)
but can you be at peace with it? Can you be calm about it? Can you be okay? Can you be okay with that? I literally say to myself sometimes, nothing's gone wrong. Nothing's gone wrong.

Do you feel that peace? you feel that, do you feel that saddleness, quietness come over you where you can feel acceptance instead of frustration and peace instead of anger?

You gotta do it, sis. You gotta be okay with a timeline. Why? One, God's in charge of the timeline. Like literally when we are angry at the timeline, we are basically saying, God, I'm smarter than you. I don't know what you're doing, but you're wrong. You shouldn't have done it this way. I don't know what you got playing God, but it's not good. It's not right. This is what I should have right now. That's what we're at when we say.

Why is it taking so long? And what I am encouraging you to do is trust in God's sovereignty.

I want you to go back to the Roman Zoxology that talks about God's ways being higher than our ways, that his paths are unsearchable and his ways are beyond finding out. I want you to go back to Ephesians 3 that talks about the surpassing love of God, the height, the breadth, the width, the length, and the fact that this love is past knowing. This love is so great that it's beyond knowing.

Michelle Joiner (06:14.552)
It's beyond measuring. And the fact that God is able to do more than we can ask or imagine. And the fact that God has a plan for you that is better than you can think of yourself.

That's what I want to submit to you. You should pull into your heart and like start telling yourself when you're saying why is it taking so long that it's taking the right amount of time that nothing has gone wrong.

That's where I want you to get to nothing's gone wrong Nothing's gone wrong like I what I what I'd love for you to do It's come to peace and acceptance That everything is as it should be that God loves you and his ways are perfect and that his love for you is enduring and I'm failing and that

His capacity and ability to work in your life is so powerful, it shapes mountains and galaxies. God is not having a problem. He is not trying to figure it out. He is not doing anything to you. He has a plan for you. Now, here's what you can do. One, you can take responsibility. And what do I mean by that?

Michelle Joiner (07:51.108)
A lot of times we...

Michelle Joiner (07:57.571)
We want what we want, but we don't want to do the things that it would take to get it. We want what we want, but we don't want to do the things that it would take to get it. And what I see a lot of women doing is throwing spaghetti at the wall, which is why I became a coach. Which is why I am a Christian dating coach, because there's a need for that.

Because a lot of women are throwing a lot of men, lot of everybody is throwing spaghetti at the wall and hoping that it sticks. Well, it doesn't. In this modern world of dating, people want different things. We want as women, we want different things. The men want different things. And what Christian men want is a feeling. They want to feel that spark and they want to feel

They wanna feel that electricity. They wanna feel something alive in them when they meet a woman. And a lot of women are going into a relationship or a date ignorant of how to create that feeling. And so what I wanna submit to you is that it's time to learn how to create that feeling. It's time to learn how to talk to men so that you're creating that.

feeling inside of him and creating that feeling inside of yourself because a lot of women they go on these dates and they're like, we had a good conversation. It was a good conversation. But did they were they falling in love? No. And that's what we really want. We want to learn how to flirt and how to create chemistry so that he falls in love and you fall in love. Because when you're creating that chemistry, it's working on you too, So that is what

needs to happen where we need to take responsibility that I don't know how to do this. What I'm doing isn't working and something's got to change. So I want you to think about like, how can I start taking responsibility for the fact that I've been throwing spaghetti against the wall?

Michelle Joiner (10:11.328)
And what I am so proud of you for is coming to this podcast week after week and learning and learning and learning. But says there's only so much you can get from a free podcast. What I want you to do is come get to know me. Come get to know me. I do so many things, so many things outside of this podcast.

Send me an email, ask me Michelle, when's the next thing you're doing? I can just come get to know you. One of the things I love to do is a free masterclass. I do a free masterclass almost every month. Why don't you come? It's called Swipe Match Mary. And I teach you some of the step-by-step things that my clients learn in order to meet and find their person.

Michelle Joiner (11:05.265)
And how do they do it? I'm going to show you how they did it. How do they go from endless swiping? How do they turn a five-year plan into a five-month plan? Come to this free masterclass. I will show you. In fact, I have one this weekend. It's going to be April 12th at 2 p.m. Pacific time. If you want to come, go to the show notes and sign up totally free. www.

dot the christiandatingcoach.com slash masterclass join and honestly says even if you're listening to this and it's after april go to that website anyways i'm probably running another masterclass that you can attend and hear some of these secrets so that you can stop throwing spaghetti at the wall so that you can come up with a plan with me to find your person how would you like for me to like

Can we just speed this process up for you? How about like, you know, we talk about being acceptance and peace with a timeline, but how would you like to accelerate that timeline? How would you like to do something to actually, actually take advantage of the opportunities that God has given you to speed up your timeline? How would that sound to you? Go to my website, the christiandanacoach.com slash masterclass. Join my masterclass. I'll see you on Saturday. Let's get you married sis.