Podcast 58: The 3 D's That Are Killing Your Love Life

In this episode, Michelle gets all the way real about the three silent killers that are keeping so many women stuck in extended singleness: Discouragement, Doubt, and Delay.

These aren't just “bad moods” — they’re mindset traps that affect your energy, your attraction, your actions, and ultimately, your results. If you’ve ever said, “What’s the point?”, “Maybe God doesn’t want this for me”, or “I’ll figure it out later” — this episode is your wake-up call.

Michelle breaks down:

• Why discouragement literally blocks connection (even with a great guy in front of you)
• How doubt sneaks in and steals your belief in God’s love and your future marriage
• The way delay masquerades as self-care or “being busy” — when it’s really quiet quitting
• What to start thinking instead if you’re ready for results

She also shares a vulnerable moment from her own kitchen table — muffins, babies, husband, and all — to show you what’s on the other side of your effort. And if you’re ready to stop being stuck and start being strategic?

💥 Apply to join her Sisterhood program:
www.thechristiandatingcoach.com/sisterhood

It’s time to trade delay for action, doubt for truth, and discouragement for belief. Let’s get you married, sis. 💍

Transcript

Michelle Joiner (00:00.94)
Hey, hey, sis, there are three deadly killers to your hopes and dreams for getting married. There's three deadly killers. The reason why these are so deadly is because they all influence the way you think about marriage, about men.

God and here's the thing your thoughts are your most powerful sword for fighting the battle of singleness your thoughts are your most powerful sword for fighting the battle of signal singleness and that is because your thoughts create your feelings and your feelings fuel your actions and your actions and in your results right

So that means that your thoughts directly create your results. And these three killers are all happening in your mind. These three killers show up in your thoughts. The first one is discouragement. And the reason why discouragement is so incredibly deadly is because it really just affects the way you show up. Like I said,

your thoughts, your feelings. So when you're thinking like you're so discouraged and you're feeling maybe maybe another word is defeated and you're feeling down and you know, very discouragement is very close to depressed like that kind of energy. Honestly, it's just not attractive. Audrey Hepburn once said that the happiest girls are the prettiest girls. And when you're feeling discouraged, it literally decreases your attraction.

It literally kills the energy of come be with me that you want. And when you show up on dates discouraged, already telling yourself this isn't going to work out. This is just what's the point of this. This guy, I don't even want to be here. Like I'm not interested in this. Like any any kind of like really negative, really negative thoughts is what discouragement.

Michelle Joiner (02:27.291)
is all about and it is not going to be the kind of thing that's going to allow you to shine and show your value and show your desirability. The more discouraged you are, the less you're going to be able to show how desirable you are. Your energy is not going to be as attractive as it could be. In fact,

Not only are you not going to be able to attract, you're not going to be able to receive. Do you see what I mean? Like you're not when we're feeling discouraged, everything looks negative. So even a great guy in front of you is not going to look attractive to you because you are not in a receiving energy. You are in a rejecting energy. That is what discouragement does. It makes you

Lose perspective on everything and only see the negative side of everything that is discouragement So like I said, I know it's very clear now how discouragement

is killing your chances of finding your person. Let me go to the next one. The next killer is doubt. Doubt is so sneaky. Doubt is the voice inside of you that says, I don't think God wants you to get married. I don't think there is a husband for you. I don't think there are any good men.

left. I don't think there are any good men in this location. I, I don't think there where I'm living right now doesn't have any good men. There's no good men here where I'm living. It's just not possible. That's the reason why I'm single.

Michelle Joiner (04:27.47)
I don't think this is going to happen for me. Listen, if you are thinking these thoughts,

You are not going to take action.

Doubt is gonna stop you, because what's the point? What is the point of even trying? What is the point of going out on that date? What is the point of answering that message on my online dating app? What is the point of talking to this dating coach and asking her for help? What is the point if God...

doesn't really have this for me. What I I actually don't even believe God loves me because he knows I want this. But he's keeping it from me and I just don't believe. Do you see what I mean? Those kinds of thoughts are so common and they're so understandable. So I want you to have some compassion on yourself if you are having those thoughts. But here's the thing. Here's the only thing that I have to say.

Those thoughts will never serve you.

Michelle Joiner (05:41.446)
You don't even have to think them. You don't have to walk around telling yourself that I Don't believe I don't think this is gonna happen for me. Those are thoughts that you could choose to release You could choose to release them and Just go with the fact that you want this I want to be married and if that desire is in me

then it probably means that I am called for this. I don't believe God would have put a desire in my heart if he wasn't gonna fulfill it. The only way to answer doubt is with truth. There is nowhere in the Bible that says, let's say your name is Susan Cox. Let's just say your name is Susan Cox.

And there's nowhere in the Bible that says Susan Cox is destined to be single and God doesn't want Susan Cox to be married. There is nowhere in the Bible that says that. So don't let anyone come to you and steal your joy and say that God doesn't mean for me to be married because there is nowhere you will find nowhere in the Bible that says that. You will find a lot of places in the Bible that said that that it's not good for a man to be alone. It all says it's better to marry than to burn with passion. You will see.

to the widows, I encourage them to marry again and have children. You will see almost everywhere in the Bible, the Lord is talking to wives. Doesn't talk to single women because there weren't any single women really. Most people are destined to be married. So why are you telling yourself that God doesn't mean it for you? Answer it with truth, my sister. Stop letting the devil feed you lies that are robbing your peace.

There is no reason to doubt that this isn't for you as well. And the reality is that if you guarantee this for yourself, if you tell yourself you will not give up, then it is destined to happen. It is inevitable as long as you don't give up. Doubt needs to be answered with truth, my friend, because doubt is a killer.

Michelle Joiner (08:01.323)
in this battle against singleness. You will lose this battle against singleness if you allow doubts to creep into your heart.

I had a podcast, I think it was one of my recent podcasts where I say that the one thing that my clients that have gotten married all have in common, I thought about it like, is it this, is that, is it this, but I thought about it, was like, you know what? The one thing that they all have in common is that they have more beliefs than doubt, that they have more certainty than uncertainty, that they have more confidence and hope.

that this is going to happen for them and they create it because of that confidence. That certainty results and manifests in a husband. And I promise you, sister, doubt will manifest singleness. If you continue to doubt that marriage is for you, you will stay single. Stop doubting yourself. And then lastly, the last killer is delay.

Michelle Joiner (09:06.527)
And that's where you say, well, I was gonna go to this event, but I was tired this week. So I'm not gonna go. Or yeah, I saw that Michelle was offering a master class on helping women find their husband and I was gonna go, but I just didn't sign up in time and I missed it. Or.

Yeah, there was this guy and he was really cute and I was gonna go talk to him but I wasn't sure what to say. So I was just trying to think about it for a while and then he left. I could give you more examples but you get the point. Delay is that terrible part of you that is holding back. Holding back because...

of lots of reasons you've been hurt before, you've been disappointed before, you've been let down before.

You just don't really want to take action anymore. You've honestly you've kind of quit with a little cue. You've kind of given up just a little bit. You're kind of like resigned and and over trying you're done trying even though if you're honest with yourself, you're trying was kind of half-hearted. But anyways, you're done trying even the half-hearted trying.

You don't want to try anymore. You don't want to do this anymore. You're tired. And so you delay. And so you put things off. And so you don't give it your all anymore.

Michelle Joiner (10:50.067)
This morning, I was baking muffins with my three-year-old and just cleaning the house, doing laundry. then I made some sausages and eggs and we all, my family, I have twin three-year-olds, boys, and they're almost four, and a baby one-year-old, and my husband. And we all sat around the table, so young children, very young, like barely talking.

barely out of diapers. And we sat around the table and ate our muffins and sausage and fruit. just, I looked around the table and I just thought to myself, nothing, nothing beats this. Nothing beats this. Nothing. It's worth everything. It's worth all the tries. It's worth.

all the effort. It's worth not delaying. You know, some people may not be where I am. Some people may just want a husband to sit at the table with them and eat muffins and talk about what you have planned for the week and what you have planned for the summer coming up and maybe other dreams that you have together. You want to, you know, cuddle in bed with your husband on a Sunday, Saturday morning and

Just enjoy marriage and listen sis like nothing is worth more I know you went to college and you slayed you probably have your phd or your masters I am sure or maybe you have a nursing degree. Maybe you have a medical degree a law degree Listen sis, you know how to work hard and you know You have not put the same effort As you put into those things Into your desire for marriage, you know it

You know you've been delaying. You know there's been a lot of delay. So I am telling you, listen, sis, let's get going. Let's get going.

Michelle Joiner (13:03.586)
No more discouragement, no more doubt, no more delay. Now this is what I coach my clients on to get rid of the sneaky lies that are stopping them from motion, that are stopping them from being attractive, that are stopping them from feeling attraction. Like I help my clients clean all this out. I am a dating coach, but I'm actually a certified life coach. That is what I.

was trained in, I was trained in how to think thoughts that serve you and get results that you want based on the thoughts that you think. And I can help you. I can help you. just heard from someone yesterday who she's like, I'm in a relationship with the best guy yet. And she was just thanking me for all the excitement that she now feels and

Want that for you too. I want that for you, too So what I want you to do is go to the show notes or just go to the website WWW.thechristiandatingcoach.com the Christian dating coach comm slash sisterhood I want you to apply for my sisterhood group. It's a small beautiful intimate group where I help you step by step I help you create confidence

I help you start connecting with more godly Christian men. We're talking a matchmaker level here. I give you a list of the places in your area where you can meet Mormon that are your interest, your age, your everything, everything about you.

these guys are compatible for you. And then I'm also the queen of online dating. So we're gonna have you meeting men online. We're gonna have you meeting men in person. And these are compatible men that are what you are looking for. And then on top of that, I'm also gonna teach you how to create chemistry with these men, how to create that spark, how to create that electricity, where you're not just having interesting conversations.

Michelle Joiner (15:19.383)
You were having chemistry. You are flirting. You are falling in love. I will teach you how to do that. I will teach you how to communicate with them so that you clearly explain your standards in a way that inspires them to commit to you. Guys is crazy. It's crazy pants. I give you all the tools you need, the confidence in yourself in Christ around men, the confidence that this is for you. So that

all your discouragement, your delays gone. Guys, this is priceless. And if you were to cobble together all these things from all the different coaches that you would have to go to to create these results in your life, it would take you a decade and probably $100,000. And what I am offering is a six month program at a tiny fraction of that price.

Like a tiny frat, not even close. But that's what it's worth, isn't it?

So no more discouragement, no more doubt, no more delay. Go to the christiandatingcoach.com slash sisterhood and apply for my sisterhood program. Let's get you married, sis.