Podcast 59: How to Make Long-Distance Love Work (Yes, Really!)

Long-distance relationships are hard — but they’re not impossible. In this episode, Michelle shares real talk from her own story of dating her now-husband across three time zones, and how they not only made it work… but made it romantic, intentional, and deeply connected.

Whether you’re in a long-distance relationship or just want to build deeper connection in your current one, this episode is packed with tips you’ll actually use.

Michelle breaks down:

• The #1 truth you must accept about long-distance dating (hint: stop blaming him)
• How to create sacred, consistent connection — even from miles away
• Creative date night ideas to keep the spark alive (FaceTime + sushi night? Yes, please)
• How to flirt, connect, and create chemistry without physically being together
• Why frequent visits and a clear end-date are non-negotiable if you want to progress

Plus, Michelle invites you to take the next step in your dating journey by joining the Sisterhood — her intimate coaching group where she helps women build confidence, meet more high-quality Christian men, and learn to create chemistry that leads to commitment.

💍 Ready to stop wondering and start building real love — near or far?

Apply now: www.thechristiandatingcoach.com/sisterhood

Let’s get you married, sis.

Transcript

Michelle Joiner (00:00.864)
Hey sis, I have a fun topic for you today. It might not apply to you directly, but I want you still to listen in because the tips that I'm going to be giving you during this podcast episode are going to apply to every relationship. So keep listening. Yes, today I'm going to be talking about long distance relationships.

and how to keep the spark alive and progress towards marriage. Now, of course, if you want to be in a relationship or if you are in a relationship, of course, the tips that I'm going to be sharing right now are going to apply to you too. So let's just dive in. What do I know about long distance relationships? Well, I was living in Michigan and Caleb was living in Oregon when we met. We met on OkCupid.

and we had the most magical, beautiful, romantic relationship, I still look back on those days with longing, I will say partly, partly, because what I loved about our dating relationship long distance is the intentionality that we had, but it was still hard. So I wanna tell you this, long distance relationships are inherently unsatisfying.

and they will never fulfill you the way being in the same area as your lover will be. There is just no way that you're not gonna feel slightly disappointed, slightly lonely. And one of the most important things that I can tell you, like the most important thing, if you shut off this episode and don't listen to any more, listen to this. It is not his fault.

that you are lonely and that you're feeling unfulfilled. It is not his fault. Do not blame him for that. Do not break up with him for that. Long distance relationships suck. Quite frankly, they suck. And I'm gonna give you some tips here today that are gonna make them better, but you are not going to feel great. You are not going to feel great. And it is not his fault. It is not because...

Michelle Joiner (02:15.999)
He's not showing up for you. It's not because he doesn't care about you. It's not because he's giving you more time. It's because he's far away. And long distance relationships are really hard. Now what I can tell you is what I mentioned before, intentionality is going to be the key to keeping this relationship going. Intentionality. What that meant for me and Caleb was, I remember there was a point where I was feeling like,

I don't know when I'm gonna talk to him next. I'm feeling lonely, I wanna be with him, I wanna talk to him. When am I gonna talk to him next? So what we decided to do, highly encourage this if it works for you and your partner. What we decided to do was create sacred times where at this time on this day, we know we're gonna be together. Meaning,

we would call each other and what we would do is we would, we had three nights a week. We had a Bible study night, we had a movie night and we had a game night. We love board games and we would play a game on our phone. We would hook up our Netflix accounts so we could watch a show together and we actually picked a show.

So every week we would watch Arrest Development. And so it was like something that we were sharing, the two of us. So we didn't just watch random movies, like we watched a show together. And I remember we would do FaceTime while we were watching the Netflix show of Arrest Development. And it was just so romantic just watching him watch the show and laughing together.

We would have Bible study nights together where we would read scripture together or read a scripture book together. And then we would, like I said, play a game. And those were our nights. I knew he would show up on those nights. I knew he wouldn't schedule anything else during those times. And his honoring that made me feel honored. The other thing we did just for fun, we would go to different restaurants. Like we would say, I feel like hamburgers or and fries.

Michelle Joiner (04:33.497)
or I feel like foe and I feel like Chinese or whatever. We would go to different restaurants. Like in his town, he would go to his restaurant. I would go to mine and we'd have hamburgers or sushi or whatever together while we were doing FaceTime. And we would have these restaurant date nights. So like those are the kinds of dates that you should have. I highly recommend them. Like if you're kind of trying to power through with just like

Talking on the phone like when are you gonna call me? Let's talk like that's gonna get old real fast and you're gonna be tired You're gonna run out of things to say and then you're gonna think that the relationship is doomed because it is So when you have those kinds of organized things in place The two of you are connecting in a way that's so much less stress and pressure and and Energy taking like instead of

getting together and having to entertain each other with talking, you're just gonna watch a movie and laugh together. It's gonna be so good for your relationship. And I highly encourage this, even if you aren't long distance dating, that you have these times where you two know you're gonna see each other and you do things together. You do things together that are relaxing and fun and enjoyable. It's just really, it's so needed in a relationship.

in those first early days, and we did this all the time, we were still talking and just sharing things with each other. We were just talking, but we weren't the burden of the conversation wasn't always there.

The other thing that we really did with each other was really flirt with each other. We really flirted, we send each other photos and videos and audio recordings. I have audio recordings from Kaleb that I cherish to these days, to this day, where he's talking about how I make him feel so manly and how I make him feel like, you know, like such, he says, you make me feel, you make me feel like an alpha male. And just so many beautiful,

Michelle Joiner (06:45.596)
Memories like he he had he sent me this one audio recording with just like different like love notes like like different sayings like different quotes about love like if my love was an ocean or something like like little quotes like that like we kept those things and we would do things like that together like flirty flirty loving things all the time and So we didn't just text each other. How's your day?

like did you sleep well, good morning? We didn't just text each other that, like the things that we texted like had real substance to it and was like really memorable and thoughtful. And then the last thing that I'm gonna say, if you are long distance dating that you have to do or else it will not work, I promise you, is frequent visits. Like I would say you cannot let a month or even like tops,

two months go by without seeing each other in the flesh. And the other thing too, and this is what someone taught me when I was dating Caleb long distance, always have the next trip on the books. Like you always have the next trip. Like there's, you have the trip coming up, you always have a trip coming up on the books, where the flight's bought and everything where you know the person is coming. And then when you have that trip,

Spend some time really talking with each other about the trip. Like, what was your favorite part? What did you think when we did this? Actually reminisce about it together and enforce and blueprint the memories that you created together. Blueprint them in your mind and go over them and talk about them and really cherish them together.

Those are my main tips for long distance. The other thing that I will say is you've got to have an end date, sis. It can't just be, well, we're just doing this and we're going to see what happens. Like there needs to, like at some point very quickly, you guys need to have a decision where one of you is going to move. This is not something that we're just going to do indefinitely and see what happens. Like we have a plan to be together.

Michelle Joiner (09:09.791)
and we're working towards that plan, whatever it is. It could be two years, it could be four years. I recommend no longer than one year. I recommend no longer than six months. There's nothing more important to us. There's nothing more important than finding the love of your life and marrying him and starting a life together with him. So if it's school, if it's work, if it's kids, whatever it is, you guys can sort that out together.

Yeah, sort it out together. Don't do this alone. So one of the things that I have always found is that if I am trying to accomplish a big goal, I used to be an engineer and I had projects all the time. I had no clue how to do, like no clue. My boss would come to me and say, hey, I need you to.

let me know how much water hammer is in the steam generator. And I'm just like, and the nuclear power plant. I'm just like, well, what? And I have found that the absolute best way to have success is to have a mentor that has gone where you have gone, that can answer your questions, that can help clear up things you're doing wrong, that can help.

You know encourage you and that is what I am to the women that I coach I am there to give them ideas to give them encouragement to give them coaching to help their mindset to help their strategy and I want to do that for you Starting a new sisterhood and it has your name on it. This is a small intimate group You get coached like every week you get coached in between the week why so that your mindset is set?

towards certainty that you're going to find this person and you're always showing and shining how desirable you are because you believe this is for you. And I help you find the types of guys you're looking for and I help you talk to them so that you create chemistry and I help you talk to them so that you inspire them to commit sound good. I want you to go to my website, thechristiandatingcoach.com slash sisterhood and apply.

Michelle Joiner (11:33.744)
Why? Because it's your time. Because you have wound this long enough because you have been listening to me and you know, Michelle knows some things. Michelle has helped some people. Last year, four of my clients got married and three got engaged. Two of them have already gotten married this year and it's not even springtime yet. And then five of my clients last year started new relationships and just yesterday another person told me she's in a relationship. Guys,

is your turn. Join the sisterhood. The ChristianDatingCoach.com slash sisterhood apply. Let's get you married sis.