Podcast 62: Don’t Text Again. Do This Instead.

You sent the text… and now you’re staring at your phone, wondering if he’s going to write back.

Before you spiral or double text — pause. This is the moment that separates a girl who chases… from a woman who attracts.

In today’s episode, I’m walking you through the power of leaning out — what it really means, how it creates desire, and why it’s one of the most feminine, faith-filled things you can do in dating.

You’ll learn how to hold high-value energy in the waiting, coach yourself through the hard moments, and trust God’s timing instead of a man’s texting habits.

Plus, I’ll share my W.A.I.T. framework — a simple self-coaching tool to help you stay grounded, desirable, and confident while you wait.

If you’ve ever second-guessed your message, felt tempted to chase, or just needed a reminder that you are the prize… this one’s for you.

P.S. Free tips only get you so far if your desire is to find a godly husband— premium coaching with an expert changes everything.

This is for the woman who’s done trying to figure it out alone… and ready to invest in proven, personalized strategy.

Let's talk. Book your call here: thechristiandatingcoach.com

Transcript

Michelle Joiner (00:00)
Hey, hey, sis, this one's for you. If you've ever stared at your phone, second guessed your last message and thought, why hasn't he texted me back yet? Today, we're talking about one of the hardest parts of dating, the waiting. The waiting in between the texts, in between the dates, in between the trips, the visits, the...

phone calls, the waiting. That's what we're talking about today. And I'm going to share with you how you can take your power back and create desire in the waiting. So you sent the text. Now you lean out. This is the part that gets us the space between what you sent and what he might say next.

Your brain wants to fill that silence and your fingers are itching to follow up, to check in, to keep the connection going. But what if the pause is actually the most powerful part? Because here's what leaning out really means. It's not ghosting. It's not playing games. It's that feminine

grounded, alluring aloofness that says, know who I am. I don't chase. I attract. And honestly, sis, that space between your messages is powerful. It literally creates desire. It gives him the chance to miss you, to think about you, to move toward you.

It shows him that you're not a chasing girl. You're not needy, you're not bored, you have a life, and you're not sitting around waiting for him to entertain you. You're literally signaling something beautiful and rare. I'm confident, I'm secure, I already know I am a wife. If you see that, amazing. If not, someone else will.

So I want you to think about the fact that you literally can create desire in the space between. If you lean out, if you wait, and listen, the best part, when the text does come, because it will, when it does come and it will show that he is pursuing you and you'll be so glad that you've waited because it will feel different.

It'll feel real and it'll remind you that patience isn't passive, it's power. So today I'm going to walk you through and coach you through what to do after you send the text message, how to coach yourself in the waiting, how to lean out without spiraling and how to hold that calm, captivating energy

that makes a godly man want to chase you. So let's get into it. All right, so I'd like to talk about, really to start things off, the truth about pursuit, right? So in the Bible, we see that men are called to lead. They're called to lead the church and they're called to lead the family.

And all of the clients that I work with want godly men who lead. But very often in our dating lives, we as women sort of like in our energy sort of take over that role where we're leading. And we don't want to do that. We don't want to do that. We want to let the men lead. We want to be pursued ourselves. And I believe that there's a mirroring that should happen.

where he invests and you invest and he invests and you invest and you match him. So if he invests at a certain level, you invest at that level. If he gives a big investment, then you give him a big investment and you mirror him. You mirror him and match his leadership. Even in the Song of Solomon, which is the book in the Bible that we see romantic love, we definitely see Solomon taking on the...

The manly, he's the king, he's the protector, he's the leader, he's the initiator. We see that in the Song of Solomon. So here's the thing. You need to leave space for your man to do that. You need to leave space for him to do that. Now, I'm not telling you that you're not going to be the more savvy dater. If you are listening to me, then, or you're being coached by me, you definitely know more about dating than your guy. The Christian guys,

don't know anything about dating, but they are men and we want them to feel respected and we want them to feel like the man. So we've got to leave space for them to do that. So that's just like a biblical foundation that like God designed men to lead. So allow space for them to lead. And listen, leaning out, being leaned out, it's not.

I really want to help you see that it's not passive. It's it's it's sort of like a black hole a black hole sucks things in Right and you're leaning out you are sucking him in right you are drawing him in you are you are creating that That vacuum where he's like I've got it like this girl. She's not waiting around for me, right?

And so the beautiful thing about leaning in is that it's not passive. It's very, very powerful. It's also not manipulative. I'm not telling you to play games. I'm just really telling you, just be patient. Just be patient. He will get back to you. Wait for him to get back to you. Don't double text. Don't check in. Don't be sitting around waiting. Be patient and allow yourself to be pursued. Leaning out like,

And it's very core is resting in your worth and trusting God's timing and allowing room for pursuit to reveal desire. That's the beautiful thing. Like when you allow him to pursue you, allow him to show that he's interested and he likes you, it gives you so much assurance that this is something beautiful and something real, right?

So that's the truth about pursuit. So after you send the text, that's where the work for you begins, right? And let me just tell you, like, this is literally after you send that text message or after you, after the date ends or after the phone call ends or after he visits you and goes home, like, this is literally training ground for your confidence.

This is where you ask yourself, do I know my value? Do I really know my value and believe in how amazing I am and how I just made this guy crazy for me? Do I really believe that? Because that is the reason why you spiral. Should I double text? Was I too much? Is he losing interest? Right. So what I want you to think about is pausing in that moment.

and asking yourself, what am I making his silence mean about me? Right? Because honestly, it probably doesn't mean anything about you. It's all about him. It's all about his texting style. It's all about what's going on for him in his life and how much bandwidth he has. It's all about how busy it is. It's all about his confidence, about his...

self-assurance and what to say to you. It's all about that. It's honestly, we don't need to make it mean anything about us, right? Because the reality is that you're making it mean that your fear of being forgotten is true. That's why it's so hard because you're afraid of being forgotten when quite honestly, he hasn't forgotten you. He's just stressed out about his job.

and like vegging out in front of video games. So he's stressed out and trying to decompress and then you send him another text. Don't do that. Take your fear of being forgotten and laid at the foot of the cross and know that God has a plan for you and that God does not forget his daughters. Yeah. So listen, this is where the real work begins after you send that text to trust.

that you are chosen and loved by the creator of the world and he doesn't make mistakes in your life. Just trust in that. Let me give you a little bit of a self coaching hijack. Let's hijack your brain. I'm gonna give you an acronym for WAIT, W-A-I-T. W, watch your thoughts.

Notice what story you're telling yourself that no men love me. Why is it that no men love me? Why is it that I'm always forgotten? Why is it that men don't pursue me? Like that story that watch that that story is not going to serve you and it's not even true. The one thing I will say about that story. Let me just break it down for you.

When you meet a man who pursues you and adores you and is faithful to the Lord, you're probably just going to marry him. Right. And all these guys that you've met before who haven't pursued you, who haven't really been faithful to the Lord, who haven't showed themselves to realize how amazing you are. It's they just weren't for you. And when you find the man who adores you, you're probably just going to marry him. It happens one time.

It happens one time is what I'm trying to say. It happens one time. you find, it's like when you find that perfect, that perfect car or that perfect dress or those perfect shoes, you buy it, right? You take it off the market. And that's what your guy is gonna do to you. When you find the right guy for you, you're probably gonna marry him. It happens one time. So the fact that it hasn't happened 10 times is a good thing.

It's a normal thing. You meet the one guy that's perfect for you and you marry him. So watch your story when you're telling yourself that no guys have been perfect. That's good. I'm glad you haven't met a bunch of perfect guys that turned you down. I'm glad you haven't met and fallen in love a bunch of times and then been turned. I'm glad because when you do meet and fall in love with amazing guy, you marry him. Right. It's not meant to happen a bunch of times.

Right? This isn't like going to the store and picking out strawberries or grapes. And every time you just buy strawberries and grapes. No, you meet the one guy, you marry him. So watch your thoughts saying that it hasn't happened and it's never going to happen. No, it happens one time. All right. So that's W. Watch your thoughts. A. Affirm your value. You need to know your value. You need to say, am a prize. You need to say, I am worth the chase. I am worth being pursued.

I deserve to be pursued. I deserve to be adored. And if this guy doesn't adore me, he's the wrong guy for me because I know my value. So A, affirm your value. I interrupt the urge to reach out again. Put the phone down, go on a walk, journal, worship, call a friend.

watch a movie, go get your nails done, go shopping, buy something on Amazon, clean your house, cook a meal, go do something amazing because you're amazing. So interrupt the urge to reach out again. And then T, trust the process. Pursuit reveals interest. And if he's not coming towards you, that's data.

not rejection as just data. Like literally I tell my clients that rejection isn't a thing.

Human beings can't reject human beings. It's just not a thing. It's a made up word from the 20s, from the, well, from the 20, from the 2000s, from the aughts. It's a made up word. This idea of, he rejected me. You just weren't his person. There's no such thing as rejection. There really isn't. You found out he wasn't your person and he found out you weren't his person.

It's just information. It's just a data point. It does not mean you are rejected. And it certainly doesn't mean anything about your future. Like I'll always be, I'll always know that's not what it means. It just means he wasn't your person, right? So you've got to learn to trust the process. You've got to learn to believe that God's will cannot be thwarted.

So what does leaning out in practice mean? It looks like not over-functioning, not chasing, not analyzing every move. It truly, the heart function, the heart posture of leaning out is knowing your value and knowing that you don't need this guy. You don't need him to be the one because your one is coming.

You don't need him to write you. You don't need him to entertain you. You really are self-contained and self-sufficient. You have everything you need inside of yourself. And so that is super important. You hold that posture of knowing your value and believing with certainty that marriage is a part of your calling and a part of your destiny.

That's what leaning out means. lean out. You're okay. You're gonna be okay. Because remember, you're not trying to convince a man. You're watching to see if he chooses you without pressure. You don't want someone to choose you because you pressure them. You want someone to choose you and come to you and be drawn to you because of your winningness and your compelling heart and your captivating spirit.

You want that to have him saying, choose you. want you.

This has happened for quite a few of my clients recently and they just talk about the delight, the delight of being pursued, the delight of him reaching out, the delight of, I was just going about my day and I got this text and just the delight, he's coming to see me. And the pursuit is worth being patient.

the pursuit is worth being patient. So listen, this season of waiting is not a punishment. God is training your heart to rest in Him, not in the man's response time. So the next time you hit send, smile, breathe, and lean out.

because the right man won't need you nudging to pursue a woman like you.

The right man will know and he'll be drawn in just without any tension or pressure, he'll be drawn in with your smile and your winsomeness.

The goal for you is to know your value and to wait with patience and with power.

Michelle Joiner (14:51)
And if you want help staying in that confident place and knowing exactly when to lean out and when to lean in, I'd love to coach you through this. So I want you to book a free consultation call with me today and let's make this your season of breakthrough. The way to book a consultation call is to go to my website, thechristiannatingcoach.com and

book a call. There'll be a link there. You can choose a time. You'll get my expert brain on your love life. In that one call, I will be able to tell you the one reason keeping you single, you specifically, and what needs to happen for you to welcome in your handsome, godly husband. You'll also know along with me if my coaching is a great fit to help you

Get your Pinterest wedding on the books and in everybody's memories. So check out my website, thechristiandatingcoach.com, book a call. And listen, if you are enjoying these podcasts and if you are finding so much value in this and what I am sharing with you, I would love it if you would leave me a five star rating. And if you're on an app that allows you to leave a review, please leave me a review.

It will help so many other women find all of this amazing information so that they can find their godly husband. Let's get you married, sis.