Podcast 63: The Real Reason It Didn’t Work Out

He was kind. He loved the Lord. He wanted marriage.

So why didn’t he pursue you?

Here’s the truth no one tells you:

Godly men don’t commit because you’re nice—they pursue when they feel something.

In this episode, I’m teaching you how to create “I want you” energy that activates pursuit—without compromising your purity. 

You’ll learn how to stir up desire in a way that honors God, respects your value, and makes a man feel like he’s found his once-in-a-lifetime woman.

From voice tone to flirty lines to Spirit-led confidence, I’ll show you how to shift from “pleasant conversation” to undeniable chemistry. 

And when you master this, the right man won’t just be interested—he’ll be captivated.

P.S. If you’ve been the girl who checks all the boxes but still gets overlooked, it’s not because you’re not enough—

it’s because no one ever taught you how to create desire.

That’s what I do.

If you’re ready for expert coaching, personalized strategy, and a breakthrough in your love life,
 book your free consultation call today:

👉 thechristiandatingcoach.com

Transcript

Michelle Joiner (00:00)
Hey, hey, sis, if you've ever dated a guy who seemed perfect on paper, he loved the Lord, he checked the boxes, he was kind, respectful, serious about marriage, you looked at him and thought this could be it. But it didn't work out and you were left wondering why. Here's what no one tells you. It probably wasn't because you weren't

godly enough or good enough or even pretty enough. It was because that feeling wasn't there. Men don't commit just because you're nice. They pursue when they feel something and that feeling is desire.

Even Christian men, especially the ones who want to save a sex for marriage, are still looking for chemistry. They want to know that when they do get married, passion will be there. And the way they sense that isn't through sex. It's through how you make them feel. So today, I'm going to show you how to communicate desire and create desire.

in a way that honors God, respects yourself, and actually activates pursuit. Because when you carry, I want you energy. It doesn't just light up his heart. It stirs something in yours too. So let's talk about the secret to turning nice, pleasant conversation to unforgettable fire and

that you both feel and you both are so excited about.

So just to start.

What I want you to know about I want you energy is what it is not. It is not sexual seduction and it's not trying to manipulate. It's competent, feminine, clarity that communicates. see you, I like what I see and I'm available to be chosen. And there is biblical precedent for this, the Song of Solomon.

is full of mutual desire, but in the biblical context, it's pure and holy and poetic and anchored in honor. And so we want to know that we are definitely not trying to lead this guy on or tempt him or seduce him. That's not what we're trying to do. We're trying to evoke

the reality that you are a woman and he is a man. Like that pull and that tension and that electricity and magnetism is inherently there. And we're just underlining it. We're just bolding it. We're italicizing it. We are making it very clear that distinction between us and that natural sizzle between a man and a woman will exist.

once you give it space to exist, instead of crowding it out with a bunch of niceness and boring small talk. I think that what tends to happen is we try to have like nice pleasant conversation because it fills a gap inside of us that there's just nothing filling right now. But that's just not enough for someone to want to

move into spending the rest of his life with you. So we know that I want you energy is not about being a modest or sexual, but it is about emphasizing the magnetism between a man and a woman. And this is why so many Christian women avoid using I want you energy. They're afraid of seeming fast.

or misjudged or dishonoring God. They're afraid of being immodest. They're afraid of being impure. They're also afraid of inviting sexual advances because let's face it, a lot of guys aren't saving sex for marriage. So if you yourself put out, want you energy, does that mean that you're going to receive it in return in a pure way? Are you going to receive it in a very negative way? What I would like to encourage you

what I would like to encourage you to do is to be able to discern and use your wisdom to discern if this is a man that is worthy of using I want you energy. That's something that you wanna do to start out with and not be afraid of sexual advances. If you see a sexual text,

politely decline and excuse yourself from the conversation. It doesn't have to hurt you. It doesn't have to degrade you. Just politely decline and excuse yourself. But don't pull out of the game of creating I want you energy because you're afraid of getting a negative or too forward response. Don't pull out of the game because then you're pulling yourself out of the game of finding your forever person.

and not creating chemistry with him. So what you've got to do is get rid of any vagueness and really understand the truth that desire is not the enemy. God created it and the enemy just distorted it. So don't let the enemy win by not creating desire because you're afraid of what the enemy can do.

You've got to be willing to create space and create desire so that when you meet your person, you know how to do that. Don't be afraid of what the enemy can do. You politely decline and move on to the next guy if you see that it is someone that is not walking with the Lord. Hope that makes sense. So let me give you a couple of examples of

what to say to create, I want you energy. I have a client who was very, she was pretty demure and quiet and very conservative, but she came up with this magnificent line. She said, your voice, it just does something to me. I love it when you call me on the phone. Pretty hot, right?

And ever since I have shared that line with other clients and other other people and it instantly evokes a guy's desire to call and It's happened so many times and why because you create a desire you created that I want you pull Actually, you can use this sort of as any kind of tip. You can use this

in any kind of way, you can say, you don't know what you do to me. I don't know what's happening to me. Like any kind of like had befuddled, like, like bewitched, bothered and bewildered kind of statement is so cute and so attractive and so, so compelling to a man to know that he can do that to you. And it's just a,

a beautiful testimony to what love between a man and a woman is. And so use it, like use it, let him know that he's doing something to you. Another way that you can say it is you're kind of distracting me right now in a good way. Like that kind of, that kind of just,

How do you say, like I said, the bewitched, bothered and bewildered. Like maybe I was sitting at my desk thinking about you all day, but I wouldn't admit to anything like that. Kind of like you're on my mind, like in a really cute way. It's so high value. It's so complimentary to the guy that you really want to see it.

You really want to say it let him know what he's doing to you. Of course, you can say you're trouble. You can say you're dangerous. You can say. You have this pull like I you walk in and I instantly forget what I'm doing and you just say it and a guy just like his heart just melts for you. Right. So those are the so those are some of the tips like you let him know.

what he is doing to you, you don't or you tell him, I don't know what's happening to me or you don't know what you're doing to you. Let him know that he's having an effect on you. Another way that I like to say it is if you want to be a little bit more upfront and use the upfront language, you can always tell him like, you're looking hot and you can use the word hot and sexy. But this is the way I like to do it. Especially

with the word sexy, I like to use my sexy words to talk about things that are not sexual. So I might say something like, you're wearing a sexy Clark Kent glasses today, I love it. Or I'm wearing my sexy cowboy boots. And we talk about these non-sexual things as though they're sexy, it makes us seem sexy, right? And you can do that, you can do that with anything. It allows you to seem

confident and feminine and also a little hint of mystery because this is and I'm just gonna give you this little piece of free advice You should be having the conversation about saving sex for marriage Very early in your interactions with this guy He needs to know that that's a standard of yours You need to know that that's a standard of his and when you combine that standard

of purity and chastity with a woman who's not afraid to describe her cowboy boots as sexy and who's not afraid to tell a guy that his voice is doing something to her, he feels like he's hit the jackpot and he will not let you go. Do you see what I mean? So the real goal is to create a...

like I was talking about before, create a feeling inside of him and you can do that with your words, but you can also do that with your voice, do it with your tone, do it like I have this one fun line that you can do it like if he says something to you and it's particularly useful and you can slide this in, you can say, that again, but slower.

hot, right? Like, so use your tone when you're on the phone with him. If you're with him in person, eye contact, like let your eyes just linger and then smile and look down and let your, let your, your hands kind of like rest on his arm briefly. And then my one super tip, my one super major tip is when you give him a hug,

put your hand on the base of his neck and just let your hands kind of like caress that. Not caress in a creepy way, but just put your hand up and touch the back of his neck and then pull away, right? And why? That's like a really hot, sensitive part of the body. It's a really natural way to give a hug. And it's gonna put a little frisson of I want you energy.

through him and you're still going to be remaining modest. You're just giving him a hug. So you can use everything you can use touch and tone and talk to create. want you energy. Now listen, this is the things you do on the outside, but the things you do on the inside are even more important, right? Because this is where your energy comes from. So this isn't about what to say like a

It's a posture. And you cultivate this posture and this energy when you stop shrinking, stop shaming your own desire and start owning who you are as a woman and understand the dynamic that God has created between man and woman. God has made you to attract and not in a manipulative way, but in a magnetic

feminine way that draws the right woman the head draws the right man in

God has created this. This is ordained by the Lord himself. And you can honor God and still make a man feel wanted. You can be classy and still create chemistry. You don't have to shut down your value to be holy. You just have to let it be led by the spirit, not by fear. So the next time you feel that spark, don't panic.

Don't retreat, let him feel that you see him and then sit back and watch what pursuit can look like when it's activated by chemistry. Now, if you're listening to this, you're like, okay, this sounds good. This sounds interesting, but I really don't know how to do this. How do I have this kind of confident feminine? I want you energy in real life. I need coaching. I need feedback. I need help. need guidance. need.

all the things while I'm here for you sis, what I want you to do is book a consultation call and we will talk about how coaching can help you with this. If you have gone on dates before in the past with guys that seemed great on paper and then things just fizzle out, it's luckily because you didn't know how to do this. This has happened to me. This happened to me before I got coaching. This happened to my clients before they got coaching.

And if you want to have a breakthrough and you need to join me in coaching. So book a console call by going to the Christian dating coach dot com. The consultation calls are free and we'll see if coaching is the perfect fit to get you your handsome, godly husband. If you are loving these podcasts, please leave a five star rating and a review if that's possible on your app and tell your friends about it because you know what?

They want to meet their handsome, godly husband too. And this podcast is reaching and helping so many women around the world and your friends need to hear about it. Let's get you married, sis.