Podcast 68: Are You Overlooking a Great Guy?

What if you’re not single because there are no good men — but because you keep passing by the right ones for the wrong reasons?

In this episode, Michelle shares the honest truth about why so many women miss out on truly great, godly men. 

If you’re ready to stop overthinking and start seeing clearly, this is your invitation to slow down, check your heart, and give love a chance to grow — even if it doesn’t look how you imagined.

💍 Want help discerning the right man — and attracting him with confidence? Book a free consult at thechristiandatingcoach.com and let’s get you married, sis.

Transcript

Michelle Joiner (00:00)
Hey, says, what if you're not single because there's no one good out there? What if you're single because you keep tossing out good men for bad reasons? This episode might step on your toes a little, but it'll also help you open your eyes to the man who could be everything you prayed for even.

if he's not everything you pictured. There are a lot of people that we're gonna run into in our life. They're gonna come across our path. And sometimes we'll just feel like an instant connection right away. But sometimes we won't. Or sometimes we'll feel a connection but we'll hold ourselves back. I wanna help you today by giving you a couple of the reasons.

why this person in front of you or someone coming in your future, why he may not be what you pictured, but why he's actually perfect for you. So here's the first reason to kind of keep in mind when you're thinking about, I overlooking the right, the wrong guys? Or am I overlooking the right guys thinking that they're the wrong guys, but really I just have wrong reasons. Okay, got it?

All right good, so the first reason is that the good ones are often nervous the good ones are often like shy and awkward and Just doing their best but listen Christian men don't get dating coaches. They simply don't and they probably Don't listen to podcasts on how to pick up women or how to

a woman like men like straight up do not know how to court women they simply don't and they're often really really nervous they're not always smooth and confident are cool and that's okay like don't write off a guy just because of early awkwardness because the reality is is that once you get to know him better and if you're using my methods

you'll be able to show him how to court you to show him what lights you up to show him what pleases you and like he might not know those things ahead of time. He just might not but you're going to if if you see within him a desire to get to know you a desire to make you happy even if he doesn't know how to make you happy but a desire to learn how to make you happy. Boom. That's when you just allow that awkwardness.

Allow that nervousness, allow that to kind of like become familiar comfort where nothing is in the way of his just being the amazing boyfriend that he can be. Right now there's a lot in the way. Right now he's nervous. Right now he doesn't know what to do. But listen, patience reveals the potential inside of him. And nervousness doesn't mean unworthiness.

Got it. Okay.

The second thing I want you to think about is what are the mechanics of your communication? Because sometimes that's the problem, not the guy, but the mechanics of the communication, right? Is someone awkward in person but deep via text or vice versa? Like he's like amazing in person, but with the texting, it's kind of like,

Come on, give me some more here right? Well, you just got to understand what are the mechanics of the communication here? Is that what causing the breakdown? I? Want to like add a little note here for my gals who are talking to guys long distance and I know quite a few of you are The other thing you might be is talking to someone that is on a different schedule Than you that he might be working during the nighttime and sleeping during the daytime

I don't want you to mistake logistical challenges for incompatibility. It's just really not. When I was dating Caleb, he was in Oregon and I was in Michigan. And let me tell you, I was lonely sometimes. was, I felt, I remember one time I was in the hospital and I just wished I had someone there with me who cared about me, who would take me home and

take care of me and I just didn't have that. I got really angry and I was like, why can't you just take care of me? And he was like, because I'm 3000 miles away. And so it's not because our relationship wasn't good. It's because there were just some logistical issues that we were dealing with. And we can really toss out a great guy when it's just the situation that we're frustrated with.

So listen, in this situation, and like any situation like this, I encourage you just to offer grace, evaluate the connection, not just the mechanics, not just the situation, and evaluate the connection, not just the situation.

The third thing that we kind of do sometimes is we fall into the ego image trophy trap.

So I want you to ask yourself, am I rejecting him because he doesn't make me look good? Now that I know is a harsh thing to say, but a lot of times we all do this. We're kind of like looking for a man who boosts our image instead of gives us intimacy. And I want you to know that if you do this,

you will be forever chasing something that actually could end up just bringing you pain because honestly, the tens, you know, like the tens of the group that the really hot guys, they're often really not fun to be married to pride vanity performance. It doesn't make us feel safe. Like it's not a safe love and we can chase that. We can be like, this is what I want. I want a 10.

I want someone who's amazing looking. Hey, I get it, I get it. We all want to be turned on visually. But at the end of the day, we get used to how someone looks. And we're not marrying someone for a highlight reel on Instagram. We're marrying a partner for real life. So ask yourself if the person in front of you wouldn't be great at that. Wouldn't be a great partner for real life.

Alright, and then similar to this one is the fourth one. Misplaced priorities. Wanting excitement versus substance. So a lot of times I see this like we want like something to be thrilling and sensational and stimulating and just like wow, but my question to you is, is he thrilling or is he trustworthy?

I would encourage you to stop chasing the feeling of danger, mystery, edge. That's all in the movie, sis. And it usually does not end well, even in the movies, even Hollywood lets you know that that's not real love and marriage. So I want you to look for someone turn towards the truth.

turn towards the truth. Meaning like if you're looking at your priorities, it should be is this person knowledgeable about the truth? Is this person committed to obeying God's word even when it's difficult? Is this person faithful? Has this person shown a history of faithfulness to the Lord? And now I don't want you to fall in this trap of just looking for someone who

checks your box of ideal spiritual resume. Even if you're further along in your faith, he could still be the right person for you. Does he honor the truth and is he willing to grow? That's what you want to ask yourself.

So as you listen to these things, I want you to really check in with yourself.

because what happens a lot of times is we overlook a guy, not because he's wrong, but because we're afraid. We're afraid to saddle, we're afraid to work, we're afraid to make a mistake. But the truth is every relationship takes work. Every relationship does.

And every marriage has disappointments. You're going to wake up in the morning and you're not going to see like fresh flowers and you're going to be disappointed. But when two people commit to learn how to love each other, it's beautiful. And when we understand the way someone loves us, it's beautiful because a lot of times we want to be loved in the way we want to be loved. And the other person may be offering a different kind of love.

So don't be afraid of that. Don't be afraid of love looking differently from how you thought it would. And not while we're on the subject of fear, instead of looking at the guy that you're talking to and asking yourself, when is, what's it going to be like when we get married? Just focus on the next step ahead. Don't leap five, 10 years ahead in your mind.

Did he just propose to you? No, then marriage isn't on the table yet. You're just deciding if he's worth a second or a third date, not a lifetime. So here's this quote from me, your sister, Coach Michelle. The only risk you're taking is the next step. Don't borrow fear from the future.

In the future, you'll know. In the future, you'll have a history with this guy. In the future, you'll have more time to think about it. In the future, you will have gone through different experiences from him. And you're right now just reaching into the future and just pulling the fear when in the future, you also have certainty and understanding and knowledge and experience. You don't have that now. So let's just focus on the step ahead of you. Love isn't

always obvious. Sometimes it starts quietly with a menu almost overlooked. So give good men a chance to grow. Give yourself the grace to learn how to see it clearly.

You ready for that? Are you ready to just be patient and allow what is.

Instead of always be asking yourself what could be what if Let those questions go And look at what is Let's get you married sis