Podcast 69: Marriage Lessons That Changed Me

Marriage didn’t just teach Michelle how to love her husband — it taught her how to love better. Period.

Whether you’re single, dating, engaged, or already married, this episode will open your eyes to the one word that transforms every stage of relationship: grace. Real love isn’t built on perfection. It’s built on patience, forgiveness, understanding, and humility — the kind of grace that lets both people grow.

Michelle shares personal stories and hard-won truths about emotional maturity, unmet expectations, speaking your needs clearly, and learning to see love in the small, ordinary moments. Because love isn’t lived in highlight reels — it’s lived in the quiet, faithful choices you make every day.

💍 If you’re not just looking for a boyfriend, but for a Christ-centered, fruit-bearing marriage — Michelle’s coaching is for you.

Book your free call now at thechristiandatingcoach.com, and let’s get you married, sis.

Transcript

Michelle Joiner (00:00)
Hey, hey sis. Marriage didn't just teach me how to love Caleb. It taught me how to love better period. Whether you're single, dating, engaged, or already married, like this episode is about one word, grace. And it applies to everyone. This one word can change everything. No matter what stage you're in, whether you're

Single and dating or you're engaged or you're already married. I'm going to talk about how grace is what we all need to practice more of. So first of all, what is grace? Grace is being given what you didn't earn. Giving what someone may not deserve. Grace isn't just for when someone fails. It's for the in between. It's for the everyday.

Grace is the oxygen of long lasting love and it applies in every stage of relationship. It applies when you meet someone and he's a little awkward. It applies to yourself when you walk into a room and you feel deathly nervous and anxious yourself to have grace for yourself and it applies when you're in a relationship and someone isn't quite doing what you wish they do.

but you extend grace anyways. Here is how you can do that. You must be in the word. You shape the atmosphere of whatever situation you're in. And the word, the Bible, it transforms your energy, not just your theology. When you're filled with the spirit, the fruit,

shows, love, joy, peace, patience.

A lot of times we look at our partner and we're like, okay, well our partner needs to go with us on this journey. Like he needs to go to church with me and he needs to the Bible with me. Listen, even if your partner isn't in the same place spiritually, let this begin with you. Don't wait for someone to bring you peace. Bring it to yourself. Bring it with the peace that passes understanding that comes from the word.

letting the word of Christ dwell in you richly so that you can be transformed by the renewing of your mind so that you can be a woman who is blessed by having Jesus Christ and his spirit abiding in her and all of the beauty that that will bring.

One of the things that I've really seen in my marriage is understanding that forgiveness is actually started by looking inward and realizing that you need to take the plank out of your own eye first. You know, we forgive and we're like, it's okay. I forgive you, but I want you to kind of take a look at yourself and be like, what about me? What, in what ways am I not showing up in what ways?

have I hurt this other person? So you're asking, am I doing what I wish he was doing?

that kind of like a killer thought. Am I doing what I wish he was doing? Maybe I'm not. Am I really giving love or am I just expecting it on my terms? Am I speaking his love language or am I just expecting him to speak my love language? And I really like to think and this is something important for marriage.

You've got to remember that you're not perfect either and he's putting up with some stuff too. So I this this kind of realization came to me the other day when I was annoyed at Caleb or something and I realized that I could forgive him because I know that I need to be forgiven. Just a little hint a little suggestion this next one never say never.

Stop saying always because when we say he always forgets he never listens just pause Is that really true? These words are intensifiers and they create distance and fuel frustration But they're often not really based in reality So just cut them out and watch how quickly the temperature will drop in the conversation and in your own thoughts and in your own heart

My brother-in-law and sister-in-law taught me this lesson and they didn't teach it to me per se. They more told me this lesson very early in our marriage. They said always assume the best intentions and this is so much gold. If you assume the best intentions

you will be so much more willing to offer grace because most of the time your guy is trying. He is. Most of the time that comment that stung probably wasn't meant to hurt you at all. Assume the best intentions. Like we assume the worst usually. We assume the worst. Like for me, like I remember having a thought,

He doesn't appreciate me at all. But the truth is he did. You know, if I am assuming the best intentions, I can assume that he does appreciate me and maybe in the moment I can't feel it. But like that's a really important thing. Like we don't want to build permanent beliefs on temporary emotions. Right.

So we can get angry at someone in the moment and like that overshadows the whole relationship. We're angry at them in the moment and that explosively charged emotion colors everything and it really shouldn't. It really shouldn't. So like it's okay to be angry in the moment but don't like discredit everything. Don't discredit his intentions. Get angry, get frustrated, get annoyed, get mad, get sad, get disappointed.

Allow your emotions, but allow yourself to trust the truth too. That in this moment you're having this feeling, but your relationship isn't lived in these big explosive moments that color an hour or two of your day. Your relationship is lived in the moments where

You're lying together watching a show that you both love. Where you're kind of like scrolling through your phone and looking at all the text messages that they've sent you and how sweet they've been. It's in the moment where you're planning ahead for that trip that you're gonna take together because it's a place that you both wanted to always go. It's lived in those moments and in the big explosive moments when we feel this incredible surge of emotion.

Just know that those moments are small moments in the course of your relationship. So don't build permanent beliefs on temporary emotions. Assume the best. Assume that they're a good person. They didn't mean to hurt you and they are trying their best.

When you think about...

Love.

It's the micro moments. It's not the romantic trip when you didn't have to work and you were eating at restaurants. It's him bringing you soup when you're sick or cleaning up the bathroom after you've been sick. And it's not a perfect Instagram pic. It's him rubbing your back when you're tired.

Like imagine your makeup being smudged and your hair being a mess and he comes and picks you up and just looks at you and says you're beautiful. Look for love in those little things because that's where it lives.

One of the things that really helps me very much, I don't know if it will help you, but it helps me a ton, is to remember that I haven't done everything he's asked me to do either. I may ask him to do things and I'll be like, oh, he didn't do this and I accidentally did that. Yeah, but what about all the things he's asked you to do? We're all growing, we're all trying, we...

all miss the mark sometimes and if he forgets something that you said or something that you asked give him the grace you'd want when you drop the ball grace means room to grow and room to get it wrong sometimes

I have this final idea for you.

unmet expectations.

versus unspoken expectation.

I want you to ask yourself, is it that your guy didn't meet your need or is it that you never really clearly expressed it?

Being misunderstood is hard, but so is never opening up. So pick the hard that leads intimacy. Share with him what you're really thinking and feeling. Have grace for him if he's not gonna like walk out your request like a robot, but give him the chance. He's not gonna know. He's not gonna know. How would he know? How would he know? He wouldn't know. So you're gonna have to like,

Go ahead and say, you know what? I'd love it if you'd do this for me. It would just really turn me on if you did this for me. I respect you and I know I can share this with you and this is something that's really important to me.

I want you to remember that you're dating Jesus. You're dating a human man with flaws, preferences, fears, and love to give. And just know that he has, he's thinking the same thing of you. Everything that we're talking about, like extending him grace, he's extending you grace.

So I just want to give you this closing encouragement. This is for you. If you're looking ahead to a relationship or you're in one right now, every relationship will have rough days and that's not failure. That's just love and you'll never love perfectly and he'll never love perfectly, but you can love faithfully and you can love with grace. And if you do, you won't just

have a marriage. You'll have a home.

This particular lesson of...

how to build a marriage that blesses you has become really important to me. It's one of the things that I've started teaching my clients. I give so much more than just dating tips and my coaching. I give real practical advice on how to live a love that blesses you and your legacy. Until death do you part.

If you are looking for just dating tips and how to get the guy and like how to get a boyfriend, I might not be the right coach for you. But if you are looking for a love that

Is there because of the fruits of the spirit if you are looking for a love that is selfless?

and patient and kind. That's what I want to help you find. A lot of these tips and encouragements and teachings I share with you today are just what I have discovered myself as I read scripture and as I walk out my life with other godly families and other godly couples. And that's what I pass on to my clients. So if you are looking for someone who

is going to guide you to finding the love of your life and building the marriage of your dreams with scripture and its base, then I'm the coach for you. I want you to go to my website, thechristiandatingcoach.com and book a call to talk to me about coaching. On that call, you will reveal so much about yourself and about why you're still single and what you need to do to change it. And you'll know if getting coaching from me is exactly what you need.

to meet the love of your life and have the most loving marriage you could ever have.

So if that sounds like something that would light you up, go to my website, thechristiandanacoach.com, book a call and we'll talk. The call is free, but the wisdom and discernment and enlightenment you'll get about yourself is totally priceless. Let's get you married, sis.