Podcast 66: The Single Tax: The Real Cost of Delayed Marriage That No One Else Is Telling You

You’ve been told to pray.
 To wait.
 To be content.

But no one told you what it’s costing you to stay stuck in that cycle.

This episode will shake you—in the best way.
 It’s not angry. It’s not rushed.
 It’s truth-telling. Legacy-building. Spirit-freeing.

If you’ve been feeling the quiet ache of delay...
 If something in your soul knows there’s more...
 You need this one.

🎧 Listen now.

And if you're ready to stop guessing and start growing toward the marriage you were made for, apply here:
 👉 www.thechristiandatingcoach.com/apply

Transcript

Michelle Joiner (00:00)
Hey, hey, sis. They told you to pray. They told you to wait. They told you to stop wanting it so much. They told you that marriage would come along eventually if you would just be content. But they never told you the cost. They never told you that while you were doing everything

quote unquote, right, you were paying a huge hidden price. I call it the single tax. And today I'm going to show you just how much it's been costing you emotionally, spiritually, generationally and financially. These are the truths no one is saying, but I am telling them.

because the truth will set you free. And once you're free, you can finally welcome in the love you long for. Let's go.

You might be wondering what exactly is the single tax. Deep down, you already know. It's that indefinable deduction from the bank account of your soul. But let me break it down even more clearly. The single tax is a tax no one told you you were paying. It's the cost of praying and waiting, of doing all the important things, being content,

focusing on your career, saving money, cushioning your budget. How many of you feel guilty or irresponsible choosing yourself, love and transformation over savings, mortgage, future plans, et cetera? You call it being responsible, saving alone, planning alone, trying to protect

your future alone. But what if that cost of responsibility is quietly draining you of the real life of true security? The one that God actually wants to bless you with. If there's one thing you need to know about me, if you want to know the foundational core of my co-chart philosophy, it is this.

There's a real cost of delaying your healing and staying stuck without a strategy that leads to marriage. And that cost will be paid. I call this payment the single tax. And no, it's not the version you read about in economics 101. You've heard of the marriage tax or the black tax, hidden costs people carry just because of their status.

Well, the single tax is what women pay when they're told to just pray and wait, to be content, and to figure it out alone. It's the cost of not getting help. It's the price of going year after year without healing, without clarity, without results, without even any progress at all most times. And it adds up, not just in time,

energy, creativity, joy, belief, legacy, but also in money. The single tax is real, my friend. And today I'm going to show you the truth no one else is telling you. Like, is it OK if I just set you free today? Is it OK if I unburden you from the lies that had kept you stuck? Is it OK if I release you into the life you've been praying for with a husband you've been longing for?

I know your heart is screaming the answer yes. So let's take a close look at truth number one. Delay isn't always obvious.

I want to talk about something that's actually kind of sneaky, something that's kind of insidious. We don't always realize we are delaying. Because delay isn't always I'm doing nothing. Sometimes delay is doing the same thing again and again and just hoping you'll get a different result.

So sis, if you're still trying to figure it out on your own when deep down you feel stuck, that's delay. If you're asking yourself, do I actually know what to do next? And the answer is no, that's delay. If there's no wise forward strategic motion with results and actual progress, that's delay. And I see this all the time. You might say, well, I'm on the apps and I've gone on a few dates.

And you actually might be working really, really hard. You might be doing, exerting a lot of effort, but you know it's just not working. You know you're not meeting the kind of man you'd be excited to marry. One time, my old dating coach, when I was single, asked this question, how many new men have you met this year?

Because the answer is usually less than three. I know it was for me. How many new men have I met this year? Not that many. And now I ask the question as a coach myself, how many men have you met that are the type of men that you'd want to marry? Like, how many options do you have? How many men have you met that are actually compatible? And honestly, the answer I get is usually zero.

That's the delay

Because I want you to think about in any other area of your life, like let's just say school. Say you were trying to graduate, you wanted to graduate, that was the result you wanted. You wanted to graduate and this was the kind of progress that you had made. The progress in your love life was the progress you had made at school. You know, you know you needed help, you know you needed a tutor, you know you need to take a class, you know you need support.

Because you'd know that if you didn't, you wouldn't graduate, that you'd be delaying graduating. You would sense it. Everyone would be telling you. And you would know. You can't spin your wheels and think you're making progress. And that's what I want to shine a light on. Spinning your wheels is delay. And we all know that in every other area of life. But for some reason,

It's hidden when it comes to love. It's not as obvious. So I'm making it obvious for you now. Don't say you're you're trying when deep down, you know, it's not working. The longer you let that story play out, the harder it is to change the ending. Sometimes the singles tax hides itself in busyness, over-functioning, even emotional clutter.

But just because you're in motion doesn't mean you're making progress. And every month, stuff in that spin cycle quietly increases the cost.

I want to talk to you some more about what that cost is and the importance and what it's robbing you of. number two, transformation takes time. Sis, transformation takes time. Heart healing takes time. Learning how to talk to men in a way that inspires them to pursue and commit takes time. Finding.

godly men in this godless world takes time.

And we think, well, I'm 30 and I haven't told I'm 35. No, you don't. Or maybe I'm 40 and I have until told I'm 45. Or maybe I'm 55. Or maybe I'm not.

Here's the problem. This thing that you desire and crave doesn't spin on a dime. And the transformation of your heart healing after years of extended singleness and and the transformation of learning how to be in a godly kingdom marriage and creating that marriage together with someone, it just takes time, Sis Let me me break it down for you.

I'll tell you like a little bit of my timeline so that you understand exactly what I mean. Like you'll see it so clearly. I was homeschooled my whole life until college, but I lived very sheltered, didn't know anything about men. Went to college, studied engineering, worked super hard, so didn't talk to men in college. And then all of a sudden I found myself at 31, completely single and completely alone.

and completely clueless. And I got on the apps and it just wasn't working. Same way just described, it just wasn't working. So I started learning about myself and getting information and changing and growing myself and absorbing material and listening to wisdom and listening to guidance and practicing and trying and developing who I was and developing.

all the things that I talk about, all the things that I talk about in my coaching. That started when I was 31.

And then I started like, okay, now I understand myself. Let me try and find the type of person that I'm looking for, the kind of person that I would want to marry. Sis, that didn't happen until I was 35. I started growing and learning when I was 31. Essentially got beyond the just pray and wait and started to pray and act, pray and learn.

Started at 31, met Caleb when I was 35. And then we got to know each other. And we spent time rearranging our lives so that we could be together. We didn't get married until I was 37.

then we can have our first kids because that's just the way life is until I was 39. Sis, do you hear that progression that I didn't start my heart healing journey until I was 31 and didn't get married until I was 37 and didn't have my kids until I was 39? That's what I mean when I say transformation takes time. And let me tell you that this is time that we don't get.

There's no bank that you can go buy more time, that you can go borrow more time. Because when I was 41 and I talked to my doctor and I said, I want to have another kid, can I wait? I'm really exhausted. I've got twin two-year-olds and I don't know if I'm ready to have another kid. Can I wait? You know what? She said, no. If you want to have another kid, you'd have to do it now.

You run out of time, sis. You run out of time.

And this journey, this journey of going from 31 to 41.

You where you're 31 and you start your heart healing. You get married when you're 37, you build trust, you court, you plan a wedding. And if everything goes smoothly, you're married and you have a kid by the time you're 39. Like this is only happens if you've got a coach who really knows how to walk you through that process. Because without that, a few more years, add a few more decades. You've seen it.

You know that the longer you delay your healing, the more interest you pay on your pain. Healing is an instant. And every year you postpone it, the single tax compounds.

Truth number three, delaying joy has a cost. I recently spoke with this brilliant woman, thoughtful, successful, deeply self-aware, beautiful, and she said a word that hit me like a lightning bolt. She said the word responsible. And it made me realize just how many women feel the same inner conflict.

that it's somehow irresponsible to invest in healing, guidance or change. And I get it because truthfully, it's scary. It's scary. feel like as a single woman, even if you're not doing it from fear, you're doing it again like you might be doing it just from feeling like it's responsible to pile things up, to stockpile, to hoard because you're on your own.

and there's nobody there to take care of or protect you.

And I felt the same way. I felt the same kind of worry and thought that it's more responsible to maintain the life I have than invest in the life I truly desire.

See, we get comfortable sometimes with our pain. It's familiar. We find ways to work around it, to live our lives in spite of it. And we tell ourselves that...

We have to do the best we can with what we have. But I want to ask you, how was it responsible to delay joy?

How is it responsible to live your life without a heart that's healed?

We as women sometimes like we have the money. We're not broke, but our subconscious is telling us that security means keeping things the same as responsible to say spend money on something that's not tangible. If that's not a guarantee, I can't justify it. I'll invest in love when everything else is stable first. But what you're actually feeling is a

fear-based version of responsibility that sounds rational but is actually spiritually paralyzing. We've been taught to prioritize stability over transformation even though the life we say we want, marriage, love, family, risk, faith, and strategic action.

Our limiting belief here, sis, is that it's not safe or responsible to invest in something uncertain, even if I deeply want it.

But like I said before, how is it responsible to delay healing your heart? How is it responsible to delay joy? Because what it's costing you is years of delay in your love story. The emotional cost of repeated disappointments, dating fatigue, self-doubt. There is a financial cost of missing out. It's the compound benefits of shared wealth.

Second income, legacy building.

We were almost kind of sold this lie that being cautious is godly and that investing in change is reckless. But what you're actually doing by delaying joy and happiness is exchanging it for loneliness and sadness.

and discouragement.

When we as women don't have a clear path to marriage, we carry around this discouraged heavy sadness and loneliness, and we carry it around like it's normal, but it's not. It's insidious, and it's weighing down your career, your health, your energy, your finances. It's weighing everything down.

When we think that we're being wise, but we're actually delaying our peace, we're delaying the true life of success that would be available to us, but now is not.

Did you hear that? There's a true life of success waiting for you. A life that doesn't have that heaviness, a life that doesn't have that discouragement, a life that doesn't have that loneliness, a life that has a heart that is healed. There's a life that's waiting for you.

And honestly, it's not responsible to delay that life.

There's so many outcomes that we desperately hope won't happen to us. Missing out on having children, being one of those older ladies we see at church who never married, or settling for a man out of desperation or confusion who just ends up ripping our heart out.

When we allow ourselves to be open to those outcomes, how is it responsible?

One last thing I want to tell you. The longer you live in delay,

and discouragement and feelings stuck and lonely. One woman actually told me feeling horrible. The longer you subject yourself to those feelings.

There are so many things that happen, sis. So many things that your life is just minimized and dimmed. But listen, the longer you subject yourself to those feelings, the more your belief in the life you truly desire begins to die. And trust me, you need to believe that you can meet a godly man saving sex for marriage that wants to be faithful to you forever.

and build a life with you, you need to believe that that is possible in order for it to come true. And every month you delay, that belief gets chipped away until the dream falls so far away, it just is eventually lost.

See, we're told to be wise, we're told to be content, but nobody ever told you that protecting your budget while neglecting your heart isn't wisdom, it's grief deferred. And the cost of delayed joy is heavy. Loneliness, numbness, self-doubt, exhaustion, this affects your budget.

This affects your legacy in more ways than you realize. And every time you say, not yet,

the single tax gets exacted.

and Joy is the first to go.

So let's talk about truth number four, delay steals results and belief. So let me ask you something. Do you know really what the result is that you really want? Like, can you see it? Can you picture it? Can you feel it? Because honestly, when I was single, when I was feeling stuck, discouraged, helpless, I couldn't. I didn't know. I literally, guys, when I was single, I remember asking a friend,

She had nine kids, was crazy hot for her husband and building a life with him.

I asked you this question. said, is it really, is it really good? is it like, is it really like really good, Karen? Because I've never seen it. I haven't had it.

I think I want it and I feel empty without it but like is it really good? You know like is it really good? Is it really worth it? Is it really everything I'm hoping for?

And she just left. I remember she left. And she said, yes, Michelle, it's the most wonderful thing there is. And then she went on to say, a life with someone, dreaming together.

creating something bigger than yourself, there's nothing like this. It's a joy beyond words. And now that I'm doing that with Caleb and Julius and Augustus in November, my children, now that I'm doing that and building this life and having this love, I know that she was right.

And I realized that at the time I didn't know what I was delaying. And listen, if you are happy being single, if you're living the dream and you're happy being alone, and this is just like exactly what everybody talks about the single life and run around it so fun, like if that's you, that is great. I am happy for you.

But I'd ask you, why are you listening to this podcast? Because yeah, when I was single, I was traveling. I bought a house. I was getting engineering degrees and doing research around the world and dancing every week and crying in the shower.

Just like put your hand on your heart if you feel me and if you realize you're doing the same. I remember I used to lay in bed before I went to work.

and just lay in bed and listen to music.

That was sad because it echoed how I felt.

When you delay healing, when you delay getting joy, when you delay investing in love, you're not just delaying a date or delaying a wedding. You're delaying the explosion of joy that comes from building a life with someone. And you are, I promise you, delaying creativity, delaying emotional wealth, delaying memories, delaying laughter, pleasure, touch.

Teamwork, Adventure, Legacy. And yes, you are delaying financial wealth too. And like I said before, you are living a life that is

Michelle Joiner (23:21)
not shining as brightly as it could.

Michelle Joiner (23:28)
That is dim.

walking around with a heart that is not healed steals your creativity, steals the true success, steals what could be available to you but just now is not because of the heaviness of the single tax, the heaviness, the cost of the loneliness.

It's like running a marathon with a hundred pound vest strapped on you. You know, those those weight vest that people put on and they go running for more exercise. I'm talking, let's break that off and see how fast you can really run. Do you want to know why the government rewards married people? It's because marriage is better for everybody. Financially, emotionally, relationally, health-wise, it's a multiplier.

And we've been told that it's somehow more noble or responsible to just focus on our career or finances like love is optional. It's really not. It's not optional. It's foundational. Marriage isn't a side plot. It's the core chapter in our legacy. And when I look back on Pride and Prejudice and all those classic love stories, those women weren't desperate.

They were just wise. They understood something we've forgotten that marriage is a path to independence and marriage was how you built your future. And the truth is, it still is today. If you're still delaying and telling yourself, I'm just waiting on God or I'm just trying to be responsible and save what I have, I need to tell you this with love.

That mindset is keeping you in a poverty that you don't have to be in emotionally, spiritually, and sometimes literally. And that's not what God wants for you. Marriage, healthy, godly, whole marriage is the greatest wealth building tool most women will ever have. But you have to value it enough to go after it with strategy and stop delaying a

process that really works. Every year without fruit makes you question the soil. That's the cruelest part of the single tax. It doesn't just delay results, it chips away at your hope that love is even possible for you.

every year.

We show up and we say, this is going to be my year.

and every year it doesn't happen.

And remember, like I said, we need that belief. We need to believe that it will happen in order to make it.

Another year, another prayer, another cycle that didn't go anywhere. And slowly your faith starts to fall foolish.

That's the poverty the single tax leaves you in. Not just delayed love, but a depleted heart.

Okay, here's my last truth, truth number five.

Delaying love is delaying wealth. Yes, you heard that right. Delaying love is delaying wealth. Now, we might have heard sprinkles of this. I really truly believe that Elizabeth Bennet knew this, but somehow we've forgotten this. I want you to think.

If you were building a business and you knew it would explode if you had a partner, a business partner, but you kept saying, ⁓ I'll do it later.

Why would you delay your biggest wealth building tool?

Why would you say, okay,

I can't afford to have to go get a business partner right now. Since you can't afford not to. I used to be an engineer, as I said, and I'm going to give you some numbers right now. I'm going to give you some statistics right now. I'm going to sound really, really smart because I did a little bit of research because I wanted to see like, what is actually going on here? And the numbers do not lie.

I'm talking like all these statistics that I'm going to share with you. I'm Federal Reserve Information, Census Bureau Information, Fortune Magazine Information. So if you want to look up these numbers, go look at those heavy hitters. I'm not talking some blog opinionated person. I'm talking this is what the Federal Reserve says. Married couples under 35. I'm not even talking about old people who have lived their lives and da da da. I'm talking about like relatively young people.

married couples under 35. They have nine times, I saw a few places that said 10 times, nine to 10 times the net worth of a single woman their age. Nine to 10 times. So we think that when you get married, you double your wealth. I'm talking 10 times your wealth. Married households earn more, own more homes, and even live longer. That's not

romantic fluff. That's just data. So when I say marriage is your biggest wealth building tool, I'm not exaggerating. I'm not trying to sell you something. I'm just telling you what the Census Bureau and the Federal Reserve are reporting and what they already know.

So let me give you a few more stats. And that is that there are more, I'm gonna give you actual number. There are 81 different social security claiming strategies for married couples, whereas singles only have nine. Marriage enables better access to employer matched retirement accounts, doubling tax advantage savings. And so yes, married couples,

have more money in their retirement. They save more in their retirement and they have more in their retirement. But what I want you to see is the reality of compound interest for this wealth. So the longer you delay getting yourself in this wealth building partnership,

the more you miss out on the wealth that builds over time. So those couples who started when they were 35 are going to have millions by the time they retire. If you put this off until you're 45 or you're 55, you can't make those numbers. That's not how compound interest works. Time increases your wealth exponentially. So you need to give it more time.

And I'm not just talking about money here. Surveys show that strong social bonds like marriage are linked to 50 % lower risk of mortality.

of all cause mortality.

It's been reported from Harvard that happy marriages contribute directly to longer life and better recovery illness. And that compounds too, sis.

A happy marriage and the way it affects your health, you don't want to put that off. You don't want to expose yourself to the drain and the exhaustion and heaviness for years, for decades.

when you could be reaping the benefits of joy and happiness and security for all of that time.

and ending your life with a life that you have built together with a partner of wealth and health and legacy.

If marriage is a wealth building tool, a legacy building tool, a health and happiness building tool, then delaying it isn't just emotional. It's a literal loss.

You can't just hop on the train later and expect to have the same outcome because it's not just about getting married. It's about what that marriage can build over time. The years of shared vision, the time raising children or mentoring,

serving together, the money that you steward and you multiply and you retire with, the memories you build, the peace you live with, the joy you share.

So when I hear women say, just want to be responsible. It's not the right time for me to get help even though I really want it. I want to say as lovingly as I can, you might be saving a few thousand, but you're losing a few million.

Financial wealth,

generational wealth.

Building a life with someone, dreaming together.

building wealth, changing lives together. That's not just romance. That's kingdom legacy.

And every year you delay, that future gets pushed further away.

The single tax cuts you off from a legacy you were never meant to build alone. Marriage multiplies income, stability, and generational wealth. And every year you delay love, you delay the divine compounding effect that partnership brings.

Michelle Joiner (33:49)
If your heart is pounding right now, if you're thinking, this is what I've been feeling. This is what I've been missing. This is the shift I've been waiting for. Then hear me clearly. You do not have to pay the single tax anymore. You do not have to figure this out alone, and you absolutely can get married with the right strategy, the right guidance, and the right support.

Right now, I just want to invite you to take the next step. Go get your Naomi. And if you're feeling in your spirit that I'm the Naomi you've been praying for, then let's walk this journey together. I'm going to tell you right now, I help women just like you, smart, high achieving, faith filled women, step into healing, learn how to date with clarity and attract the godly husband they've been praying for. take women on

personal individualized journeys. You don't get lost in a massive group. I do a lot of my coaching one-on-one so that women can truly transform in a personal, quick, beautiful mentored way.

Michelle Joiner (35:04)
I have looked and I really don't think you're going to find another coach, especially not a Christian coach that is giving the kind of high touch personalized individual premium attention that I give to the clients that I train and mentor.

Michelle Joiner (35:24)
So if you're ready, and even before we get to the end of this podcast, you're already dying to do something, head to the christiandatingcoach.com slash apply.

and you'll fill out a short application and book a consultation call with me to stop the delay, stop the discouragement. Let's get you married.

Michelle Joiner (35:47)
Now I want to end by talking about what the Bible actually says, because the truth is God's word is not vague about this. And real talk, there is no verse in the Bible that tells single women to just pray and wait. This isn't even, this isn't my opinion. And it's actually, it's not even statistics. This is God's holy word, which is what we want.

to believe and we want to follow, so let's take a look at it. Proverbs 18, 22 says, he who finds a wife finds a good thing and receives favor from the Lord. Marriage isn't just a nice to have optional cute thing. It's a channel of favor. When we think about when Proverbs was written,

We remember that it was an agrarian society without luxuries, without opportunities like we have today. And so the favor discussed here is everything. It's life itself, health, wealth, security, safety, comprehensive favor.

And it still is today. Genesis 2.18 tells us it's not good for man to be alone. And that's not a side comment or an interesting thing that was just said on the side. It's a divine diagnosis that God looked down and said, this person I created, this man, this woman, was made for connection, created to have a helpmate.

And we hear the same truth echoed in Paul's teaching in 1st Timothy 5 14, where he says, I counsel younger widows to marry, to have children, to manage their homes. This is biblical direction. This is biblical direction to build something purposeful, favored the way God intended it from the beginning of creation.

That's...

what we should create as our priority, as our focus, as the true way to steward this life that God has given to us. When God looks down on Adam and says, it's not good for man to be alone, we need to listen. We need to steward our lives in listening to the direction that we see in the Bible. And let's bring it back to Ruth.

Ruth didn't get Naomi's wisdom for free. She left her homeland. She left comfort. She left convenience. She sacrificed for guidance. She invested in mentorship and sought out wisdom. She positioned herself to be led. And because of that, she was strategically aligned for favor. She didn't just pray. She didn't just wait.

She certainly didn't spin her wheels and stay stuck. She moved in faith and attached herself to wisdom and was led into a marriage that changed everything for her, for Boaz, and for the generations that came after them. Ruth was literally written into the lineage of Jesus. What would have happened?

if she had delayed her healing.

What would have happened?

if she did not align herself or pursue wisdom, guidance, and a strategy that led to merit.

Because that's the real cost of staying stuck. The real cost of putting it off. It alters generations.

So I want you to hear me clearly. This isn't about chasing a man. This isn't about hustling for love. This is about honoring the way of the kingdom, about understanding that marriage is wholly legacy building and worth investing in. Delay isn't, it usually isn't laziness. It's sometimes fear. It's sometimes confusion, messages like you don't need a man, just focus on your career.

It'll come when you least expect it or even spiritual sounding things like just be content, just pray and wait. But that's not what scripture teaches. Scripture teaches it is not good for a man to be alone. He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. God honors movement. God honors faith. God honors submission to wisdom. And yes,

Wise women don't just pray, they act, they align, they partner with strategy, with mentorship, with truth.

Michelle Joiner (40:52)
Here's my final thoughts. Another birthday, another engagement party you attend alone, another summer where nothing changes, another year of the single tax, and you don't get those years back.

But you can change the outcome starting today. Ruth didn't just hope. She didn't just pray. She moved. She attached herself to a Naomi, someone who could guide her, speak truth to her, and show her what to do next. And you can too. So if you want to stop paying the single tax and start reaping the benefits of marriage,

Here's what I will tell you to do. Go get your Naomi so that you can get your Boaz. And maybe that Naomi is me, maybe it's someone else, but don't try to do this alone. Be a woman like Ruth who stops delaying her healing, who seeks wisdom, who walks with guidance, who gets a strategy that actually leads to marriage. That's the woman who gets written into legacy.

and that woman can be you. If I'm the Naomi you've been praying for, I want you to take one bold step today. Go to the christiandatingcoach.com slash apply, fill out the short form and book a consultation with me. Don't let another year, another prayer, or maybe another, maybe next time delay your legacy. Marriage isn't just a romantic fairy tale. It's biblical.

kingdom truth and I can't wait to walk this out with you. Let's get you married, sis.