Podcast 70: It’s Not a Numbers Game

There’s a lie keeping far too many high-value Christian women single:
 “It’s just a numbers game.”

But piling up mediocre dates with mediocre men and having mediocre conversations doesn’t get you any closer to the godly, high-caliber marriage you’ve been praying for.

In this episode, I’m breaking that lie wide open—and showing you why dating is not about trying harder, but about moving smarter.

I share my own story—why I only went on five dates before meeting my husband Caleb—and what I had to learn in order to shift from being overlooked… to being pursued, protected, and chosen.

If your spirit is tired of striving and you're ready to date with the kind of confidence that gets results…

👉 Come learn godly strategy with me.
Apply now at www.thechristiandatingcoach.com/apply

Transcript

Michelle Joiner (00:00)
Hey, hey, sis. There is a popular lie going around right now that is keeping far too many high value women single. That lie is that it's a numbers game. And sis, I am going to break you free from this lie right now. It is not a numbers game. It is

strategy game. It does not help you to increase the numbers of mediocre dates that drain you of your energy or mediocre men that don't meet your standards having mediocre conversations that do not create chemistry. Increasing the numbers of mediocrity

does not get you the high caliber kingdom marriage that you have been praying for. What that does is follow along the lines of throwing spaghetti at a wall, hoping that it will stick.

There are over 7.5 billion people in the world.

You do not have time to play a numbers game. You will always lose. It is simply the same as buying as many lottery tickets as you can, thinking that if you just buy enough lottery tickets, you will one day become a millionaire. It does not work that way. The house always wins. But sis, if you play the strategy game, if you work smarter,

not harder, you will win at this game of love. Doing the same thing over and over and over expecting a different outcome is the definition of insanity. I'll be honest with you, when I was single, I literally could count on one hand.

the amount of dates I went on. I probably went on about five dates before I met Caleb. Yes, you heard that right. I probably went on about five dates because I wasn't chasing numbers. I was chasing strategy. I wanted to learn how to create chemistry with men. I wanted to learn how to inspire a man to pursue me. I wanted to know what it was that made a man say yes.

I remember those days when a man said no to me and I thought about the reason why he said no. And I said, that's never going to happen again. That's never going to happen again. If I meet a godly man that I am attracted to, I want to know how to create attraction in him. I was talking to someone the other day and she said, there's gotta be a,

strategy for this. There's got to be a skill that I can learn and there is. Let me tell you why. Let me tell you why it's a strategy game and why you need to start playing it and learning the rules to this game. Men are looking for a feeling. They're not looking for a random checklist of credentials.

They're not looking for the skinniest girl. They're not looking for the girl that can cook the best. They're not even looking for the youngest girl. They're looking for the girl, the woman that gives them a feeling. I'll tell you. I'll tell you what that feeling is. And this is the gold. This is the gold. Here's the feeling that they want to feel. Two things.

They want to feel manly around you. They want to feel respected by you. They want to feel like they make you.

feel safe and protected and cared for. A man needs to know that he can make his woman feel safe and that his woman respects him. That's what a man wants more than anything else. Respect. He wants to feel manly around you like he can do things that no other man can do for you. He wants to feel

You look up to him with admiration and respect. Now, a lot of times we think,

that we're having a good conversation with a guy and that's going to be enough to make him want us. It's not. Men do not marry women they have good conversations with. They marry women who make them feel something. And if a man feels manly around you and respected by you, he will want to commit to you because you are now his woman. One thing that

Caleb said on our wedding day, someone asked him, why are you marrying Michelle? And he said that he cherished our love and he wanted to protect our love and he wanted to protect me. And he felt that marriage was the best way that he could protect me and care for the love that I had for him. Do you hear that language, that language that he's the man?

that can protect me. The only man that would do that. The best way to care for me, the best way to keep me safe, the best way to protect me is to marry me. That is what you want a man to think about you. Let me tell you the other thing you want. Because here's something else that a guy needs to feel. He needs to sense to his

or I want you energy. And I don't mean even necessarily sex or anything sexual, but there needs to be a pull. There needs to be a draw of I want you. That holy desire, that holy desire between a man and a woman needs to be there. It cannot

be that he thinks of you and feels around you the same way he does a colleague or another sister at church. He cannot feel that way. He needs to feel, I want you desire. There needs to be a source of pleasure that only you can provide. And that is why I teach my clients, I want you energy. How to talk in a way

that creates that pull, that chemistry, that heat and that tension in a modest way. Yes, you can create desire. Yes, you can fill desire and still remain pure. That's why I call it flirt pure, but it needs to be there. A man is not going to pursue a woman to marriage if I want you energy from the both of you.

is not there. It's just not going to happen. A man is not going to do that. Particularly a Christian man who knows that the only way that part of life can be fulfilled is from his wife. So a Christian man that has been saving himself for marriage needs to know that marriage is going to be fulfilled You need to assure him that it's there and that it's going to be there or else he will not pursue.

A man needs to feel, want you energy and respect and manliness around you in order to pursue you. Do you see how this has nothing to do with numbers? This is all knowledge, skill, expertise.

Special technique. Specialized knowledge will get you married. Specialized knowledge will have a man falling in love with you, crazy about you, not thinking about any other woman. That is what specialized knowledge and strategy will do. And what you must do more than anything else is learn how to create this feeling in a man.

It's not even as simple as most people think. For instance, I want you to hear why sleeping with a guy isn't going to get you committed relationship and marriage. It isn't. That's why being nice and friendly isn't going to get you a committed relationship and marriage. The only thing that will get you a committed relationship

and marriage with a high caliber quality man of God is knowing how to create a feeling in him that he is respected by you and thought of as manly by you and a creation of I want you energy between the two of you. That is strategy my friends. That is why I only went on five dates.

because I wasn't worried about racking up dates. I didn't need to go on 40 dates. I needed to learn. I needed to grow, grow my mindset where I was confident enough to be the woman, to have the adult conversations, to create this magic with a man that I wanted. That was what was important to me.

Michelle Joiner (10:23)
You have to learn where to go, how to position yourself, how to be found by high caliber, high value men. They are not everywhere. They are not in the obvious places, but they are there. Why do we know they are there? Because the Lord is building his church and the gates of hell will not prevail against it. So if you are not finding godly men, it's because you don't know where to go.

It's because you don't know where to look. The goal isn't more dates to just hope that you stumble across one of these men. The goal is to learn the strategy of where to be found by an amazing Boaz that you want to marry.

Michelle Joiner (11:13)
So hear me, It is not a numbers game. When you shift from scattered effort to spirit led strategy, you stop wasting time on mediocre connections and you start attracting men who share your values and are actually ready to build something real.

The numbers game is a worldly game, so stop playing it. You're not here to buy lottery tickets for your future. You're here to build it intentionally with Holy Spirit wisdom and discernment.

Michelle Joiner (11:56)
Now, if you're listening to this and you're like, make sense. My mind is blown.

Thank you for giving me permission to not go on 40 dates. What needs to happen now is growth and learning and skill creation and technique mastering. So what I want to invite you to do is join me in my premium private mentorship coaching program.

where I train you how to talk to a man with I want you energy and respect energy with honey words and with the right light teasing to keep a balance of mystery.

I have a few spots available right now. I'm only offering private one-on-one premium mentorship with unique transformational experiences that make your success and love inevitable. And I know that is what you want. Inevitable success and love. Sign me up please. Go to my website, thechristiandatingcoach.com and book a call and apply to work with me.

Let's get you married, sis.